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In Friday's postwe began to look at the role that Perception plays in our lives and towards the end of the article the question was asked "How do people perceive you?"
Here's the last paragraph from Friday:
Do we really want to know how others see us? Yes we do. And if you don't, you should. For a range of reasons. On Monday I'm going to tell you why not knowing how others perceive you puts you at a disadvantage, both professionally and personally. In life, in love and in business. And no, I'm definitely not saying that we should be obsessed with, or worried about how people see us. What I am saying is that most of us could do with a little more awareness and a little more understanding of how those around us see the world and everything in it. Including us.
A Scary Thought
The idea of knowing how people perceive us can be a scary thought, can't it? On the one hand we're curious to know what they think of us, but at the same time we don't really want our feelings hurt or our already-fragile self esteem to take a further battering. Our curiosity and our propensity to self-protect intersect. But in truth it shouldn't be about either of those things (curiosity or self-protection), it should really be about increasing our understanding, knowledge and awareness of human behaviour, communication, connection and beginning to learn how the people in our world (friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances) are wired.
Even the Chick on the Third Floor
Like it or not, every person that you and I interact with on some level - every person, every conversation, every situation, every day - has an opinion of you. Even the guy who sells you your paper and that chick on the third floor who you've never even spoken to. Big or small, accurate or not, good or bad, informed or ignorant, they all have an opinion and everyone in your world sees you in a certain way because consciously or not, you are constantly sending messages to those around you. Even when you're not speaking, you're telling those around you something about you. Keeping in mind that over ninety percent of communication is non-verbal, it's easy to understand how we're constantly 'speaking' to those around us without uttering a single word or even being aware of it. It's simple; to be more effective, we need to be more aware of what we're saying (and not saying) to the people we come into contact with. Interestingly, the messages we think we're sending are often quite completely different to what the majority are perceiving. And therein lies the challenge and the lesson Grasshoppers.
Worry Not
When I discuss this subject, I often get strong reactions from people who assert that "we shouldn't worry about what others think of us". Well, I totally agree with you; we shouldn't worry (as such) but we should at the very least, have an awareness of how we are perceived by others. And not coming from a place of insecurity or some kind of need to be popular or liked, but for the purpose of being able to create and develop more effective, meaningful and rewarding relationships in all areas of our lives.
Communication
We know that on an interpersonal level, communication is our most important life skill. If we can't communicate effectively with others (in our private and professional lives) then we can't create that deep level of understanding and connection that brings us happiness, fulfilment and harmony. In fact, we're more likely to create misunderstanding and disconnection because we're constantly offending people, misreading situations and conversations and communicating inappropriately for that person, that situation and/or that conversation.
Am not, You are.
If you're a teacher and the majority of your students consider you to be arrogant, then (1) you might wanna be aware of that and (2) you might wanna change your approach and your communication style. No, it's not about compromising your message, your standards or being a people pleaser, it's about understanding both sides of the communication process. After all, your students don't live in your head and they don't necessarily understand your intentions. Is it possible for you to be perceived as being arrogant without actually being so or realising that's how people see you? Yep. And in this situation (as a teacher) you will need to learn, adapt, modify your style, increase your awareness and possibly get some humility... or sink. Or perhaps find a job where effective communication ain't so high on the must-have list.
When Perception is Reality
If you've got teenage kids whose perception (rightly or wrongly) is that you're too busy for them and that you care more about yourself than you do them (and you happen to be unaware of what they're thinking and feeling), then you're in trouble. Keeping in mind that their reality is in their head, their belief (about you not caring) is completely real. For them. Whether or not it's our kids, our colleagues, our friends or the weird guy who lives over the fence, we need to learn to speak other people's language and get a glimpse of (or insight into) their reality, if we want to have meaningful and productive communication with them . The question we need to ask ourselves is:
"How do I need to speak with this person (there's no generic approach), in this situation, at this point in time, to create meaningful connection, real understanding and to produce the best possible outcome for both parties?"
Yes, it all sounds a little strategic, that's okay; strategy is always better than ignorance or stumbling along in the dark. The truth is that in many situations and circumstances the majority of us have no idea of how people perceive us. We think we do, but in reality, we don't. How could we, we're not mind readers. We don't live in their head, we live in ours but in some ways, we need to get a glimpse of what it's like in their mind. You've never had a face-to-face conversation with you, have you? Sure, you have those internal dialogues but (naturally) you see everything through your eyes.
So how can we become more aware of how we're perceived by others?
1. Listen more than you speak. Some people simply love the sound of their own voice. They don't talk with people, they talk at them. They don't have conversations, they give lectures. They don't really want connection, mutual understanding or to listen to others, they want an audience and some attention. A soapbox. These people are highly unaware. Often deluded. Egotistical. Insecure. The only person who doesn't know how annoying and self-absorbed they are, is them. "But enough about me, what do you think of me?"
2. Watch people. Consciously become more aware of people's body language, their typical behaviours, habits and reactions and their non-verbal communication. What people do will tell you far more (about them) than what they say. Become more attuned to how they behave, react and communicate around you. Start to look at old things (friendships, situations, your marriage, business relationships) in a new way (put on some different glasses) and you'll be surprised at what you learn. Most of us don't see things, not because they're not there to be seen, but because we simply don't look for them or have that level of awareness. It's like when you buy a new car and all of a sudden you see a million cars exactly like yours on the road. Yesterday you saw none, today a million. The only difference being that today you are infinitely more aware. Your perception has changed. You're the same... but different. You're driving on the same roads, in the same traffic (essentially) as you do every day, but instantly something has changed; your eyes have been opened to something you couldn't or wouldn't see yesterday. The lessons, the signs and the indicators are all there... but only if you want to see them. Of course we do this with our relationships and interaction with others; we see (1) what we want to see and (2) what we've been programmed to see over time.
3. Ask for feedback. If people feel safe and comfortable to give you feedback, they will. The trick is making them feel that way. Be open to that feedback and you'll see things change for the better quickly. It's easier said than done but do your best to avoid being defensive and precious. It is what it is. If they think it, they think it. Hear it, consider it and move on. By the way, hearing it doesn't mean you need to agree with them. No, it just means that now you know how they think and feel. It certainly can save a lot of time, energy, problem-solving, guess-work and heart-ache if they will just tell us (honestly) what they think. Knowing how and what people think puts you in a better position to be able to communicate more effectively, openly and honestly and to create healthy relationships over the long haul because it means the conversations and relationships are not based on assumptions, misinformation or some kind of pseudo-connection. Sure, it's not always an easy or comfortable process (to be so real and honest) but it's well worth the effort.
I'm not done with this subject just yet, but that will do for now. Thanks for all my birthday wishes. And yes, I ate cheesecake. It was good.
Perception is an interesting thing. For the most part, it's our reality. How we see things... is how it is. In our world anyway. And as I've said many times before, we exist and operate in a physical, three-dimensional world, but where we do most of our living, is in our head. We create our own reality (thinking, beliefs, values, fears, expectations, attitudes, standards, habits, behaviours) and we reside there for a lifetime. Sadly, some of us suffer there for a lifetime.
A Collision
Doing what I do for a living (okay, it's a passion), I'm always interested to see how people respond to various situations, circumstances, events and challenges. Watching their perception (their version of reality) collide with a practical, day-to-day existence in the physical world is always enlightening. Observing how they interpret and react to different conversations. How they perceive and interact with other people. While one person interprets a particular situation as a disaster, another will see the same thing as an exciting opportunity. Someone else will see it as a lesson. And yet another will sleep through it. It's also interesting when their reality (in relation to potential, change, possibilities, beliefs and ideologies) collides with mine.
Why all the Different Responses?
Because it's not about the situation, the circumstance or the event, it's about the person in it. It's about what they believe is happening. What that experience represents to them - keeping in mind that things only have the meaning we give them. What will amuse one person (the rubber snake in the toilet perhaps) will terrify another because their reality is subjective; the same event isn't the same at all. One will laugh, the other will cry. And not only will there be a different emotional and psychological response, but there will be a different physiological reaction also. Depending on what the event (in this case the snake) represents to the individual (their reality), their body will produce happy hormones or stress-response hormones. Yep, in some situations, how we see things actually determines what our endocrine system does; what kind of hormones it produces. Just thinking about something scary can produce metabolic, hormonal, cardio-vascular and respiratory changes in our body. Now that is freaky. Powerful thing the human mind. If only we knew how to drive it properly!!
That's so Not Fair
Have you ever been through the experience of being wrongly judged or labelled by someone? Perhaps they thought you were aloof or arrogant, when in fact you were shy? Maybe someone considered you to be a complete snob because you didn't acknowledge them, when in fact, you didn't even see them. Perhaps someone assumed you were stupid, when you were actually nervous or intimidated. Maybe someone assessed you as flirtatious because you smiled (it happens). Or perhaps someone assumed weakness when you were simply being kind and accommodating? In my work I am constantly being assessed. I get emails every day from people giving me feedback about my performance; what I do, write and say and how they perceive me. While most of it is positive, it ain't always. I have had feedback from different people in the same workshop on the same day ranging from "you're a dickhead" to "that's the best workshop I've ever attended."
"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are" Anais Nin
How does that happen? Because we all see, hear and experience different things - even in the same place at the same time. We create our own reality. We all interpret a different message. That's why it's possible for me to motivate one person and intimidate another at the same time with the same words!! Because it's not about the message I'm intending to convey, it's about what they believe I'm saying; how they are receiving it. Their reality. Their perception.
Assessing and Being Assessed
Like it or hate it, people see you (interpret your behaviour, your habits, your communication, your appearance) in a certain way. They will form an opinion of who you are, how you are and why you are. Without even knowing you. We all do it every day. From the moment you meet someone new, they are assessing you and you are assessing them. That's how it works. That's how we work. Everything you have experienced thus far in your life has taught you how the world works and how people are wired. And those lessons have given you an instinctive and unconscious ability to be able to assess situations and people quickly. Often with a high level of accuracy. But not always.
Perception Central
In the course of my work I do a lot of flying. Sure, my arms get tired. If only I had more feathers. Sorry, couldn't help myself. Juvenile. Moron. Anyway... planes are kinda cool places because they are a microcosm of humanity. Being the geek and student of life that I am, I love to guess about my fellow sardines. Er, passengers. You'll never find an environment where more assuming, judging, hypothesizing and labelling takes place than inside a plane. It's like Perception Central. From the moment you hand over your boarding pass you're being judged and you're judging others. Our perception tells us that we should avoid eye contact with the big, scary-looking, tattooed bloke who's making his way down the aisle (naturally, he's going to kill us), and the same perception tells us that it's not only okay to make eye contact with the cute four year-old boy, but that we should probably pat him on the head as he passes by. Until of course, he bites our index finger off with his cute four year-old teeth. Little treasure.
Are you a Policeman?
When I talk to people on planes they invariably ask me what I do for a living. Instead of answering them, I say "what do you think I do?" I have done this many (many) times and mostly the response I get is "you're either a policeman or you're in the military." At least six or seven out of every ten people have a similar perception based entirely on my appearance; shaved head and beef-cake-ness. Clearly I don't look or sound like a neuro-surgeon, an astronaut, a cabaret singer or a pastry chef. That's it, I'm growing a pony-tail.
Beware the 1978 Volvo
Let's say you're in a hurry to get somewhere in your car and you're approaching a set of traffic lights. There are two lanes for you to choose as you approach the intersection. In one lane there's a 1978 beige Volvo Station Wagon, in the other there's a new Red Porsche. Without thinking you pull in behind the Porsche because clearly the chances of you being delayed are significantly less behind a Porsche. You make that judgement in milliseconds because of your perception of (1) what kind of driver might be behind the wheel of each car (2) the likely acceleration of each car (3) how the respective drivers of those cars might typically pull away from a set of traffic lights and (4) we all know that red cars are fast!! The Porsche roars off, you experience minimal delay and your perception has served you well. But then again, the whole 'choosing lanes thing' might just be a boy thing. Or maybe a me thing.
So how do people perceive you?
Do we really want to know how others see us? Yes we do. And if you don't, you should. For a range of reasons. On Monday I'm going to tell you why not knowing how others perceive you puts you at a disadvantage both professionally and personally. In life, in love and in business. And no, I'm definitely not saying that we should be obsessed with, or worried about how people see us. What I am saying is that most of us could do with a little more awareness and a little more understanding of how those around us see the world and everything in it. Including us.
Feel free to share a story of where you've judged or been judged. Or just say hi and share your thoughts.
Hi Groovers. If you happen to live in Australia and you read this before ten a.m. (Wednesday), and if you happen to be near a TV at 9.45ish, take a peek at Channel Ten. I'll be chatting about work-life balance and retirement. Should be interesting.
Things you won't find in a text book
At the start of this year I wrote part one of this article. I have since been asked many times for direction, advice and stories for fitness industry newbies and wanna-bees. People always say that the real learning starts when you finish school, well in many ways, they are right (whoever they are). For me, the real learning (for my career in the fitness industry) started when the study stopped. Ironic huh? These days, when I lecture to wanna-be trainers I always leave my academic cardigan and slippers at home and wear my very pracademic work boots to class. If you're gonna spend a career helping people renovate their body, maximise their genetics, change their behaviours and create their best life, there's a few things you'll need to know first. Things you probably ain't gonna find in a text book. Things like the words ain't and gonna for example! Here's what I learned in my first year of being a humble gym instructor (yes, I remember back that far).
Shut up.
1. People lie a lot. Human beings lie. We all like to think we're above lying, but we're not. Put up your hand if you've never lied. Fibber. When it comes to exercise, eating and lifestyle habits and behaviours, it's no different. Nearly everyone lies at some stage, especially about eating habits. Some people do it incessantly. Some people lie so often that they start to believe their own crap. Stupidly, I used to believe the morbidly obese people who would look me in the eye and say "my diet is great and I never eat junk food." I was so young and naive. And stupid. I would beat myself up for not getting results with them, when all along they were totally sabotaging the process behind my back and lying their asses off to my face. If someone is morbidly obese then there's a very high likelihood that they're (1) over-eating and consuming poor quality foods and (2) lying about it.
2. Giving people information and direction is easy but getting them to apply it consistently is another thing. I got to a point early in my career where I became very frustrated because I realised that I could tell people what to do, why to do it and how to do it, but I couldn't actually MAKE them do anything. Education is useless if we don't apply it and resources are a waste of time and money unless we use them consistently and intelligently. We are one of the most educated fat countries in the world. So educated yet so stupid.
3. Many people don't actually want to work or sweat to get in shape. They want a short cut. A pill, a powder, a potion or a product that will do it for them. As soon as I use terms like self-control, discipline, organisation and commitment, some people switch off and their eyes glaze over. And they'll stay fat and keep looking for a quick fix.
4. People will happily pay for gym memberships that they don't use. Great for the gym owners, not so good for fat Australia (America, England, NZ, SA, etc.). Apparently just having a membership makes some people feel better. Weird. It's always okay though because they're starting back at the gym next Monday. Of course.
5. Changing our body is all about our head. Our physical self (the way we look and function) is (largely) a by-product (or symptom) of our mental and emotional states. How we feel and think, determines the decisions we make (food, exercise, lifestyle), which in turn determines our behaviours and habits, which impacts greatly on our physical reality. If some trainers (and other health professionals) would spend more time focusing on what's happening above the shoulders, they would see much better results below the shoulders.
6. Many people are more attracted to the 'idea' of exercise, than they are to the reality of it. Some people are legends in their own mind and the older they get the better they were. Embarrassing. Many people talk and plan more than they do. If you're a surfer, who surfs once a year, you're not a surfer. You're a sedentary person who owns a surfboard. Owning a surfboard doesn't make you a surfer anymore than owning a paint brush makes you an artist.
7. Some people are very emotional (periodically irrational) about their exercise regime. Some people are inclined to make emotional decisions about how and when they exercise. Rather than doing what works (what will best benefit their body in the physical change process), they will gravitate towards what they enjoy the most, or what they are physically and emotionally comfortable doing. We need to find the balance between doing what we enjoy and doing what works (produces results). People don't like change. Even with their exercise program, people are creatures of habit. Some people have been training the same way (with very little change) for years.
8. Their body is not my responsibility. For a long time I felt completely responsible for my client's results. Boy, that was an exhausting place to live! When it dawned on me that I am only a resource (not a solution), I felt somewhat liberated. I can't eat for people, I can't exercise for them and I can't make decisions for them. Therefore, I can't change their life. Only they can. 9. Some people stink. I know that this point is of no educational value to you but I couldn't leave it out because I have such vivid memories regarding this issue. As someone who has a thing for (nice) smells, I was amazed (when I first started in the industry) at how much some people smell and how unaware they are of their stench. And I mean S-T-E-N-C-H! I've trained people who have literally made me dry retch. Think Parmesan cheese and multiply it by a hundred. I could tell you numerous revolting stories about some people's interesting approach to personal hygiene, but I'll spare you. I have walked up to people on the gym floor (men and women), handed them a can of deodorant and said "spray this on, you stink." I'm nice, but not that nice.
10. The best Trainers (teachers, instructors, coaches) are the best communicators. A brilliant academic with zero communication skills will always make a crap health, fitness or medical professional. While someone with average academic ability and excellent communication has a much better chance of being a great educator.
Hi Boys and Girls, no post today (as such) and the attached picture is completely unnecessary but people keep sending me weird photo's of ridiculous burgers from various locations around the world. So thanks (kind of) to Julie Schubert for sending me this little(?) baby from some burger joint in the States. It has over 6,000 calories and will kill you before morning.
Speaking Geographically
On a healthier note, I hope you're enjoying your week and doing what you need to do, to create your best life. As most of you know, at the moment the Bald Man and I are flitting (I always wanted to use that word in a post) around our vast continent to share the Renovate Your Life message, spending most weekends in a different state. And when I say state, I'm speaking geographically, not emotionally. Or alcoholically. Is that a word? Must be. It's published on my site. Although, Johnny has been known to knock down the odd Crownie (beer) or fifteen. And to be honest, I do get a little needy from time to time. So perhaps I am speaking alcoholically and emotionally. But I digress. As usual.
Anyway, I'm constantly being asked about the content of the RYL program and when we're going to release a CD/DVD series of the actual half-day and full-day workshop. Well, we're (slowly) doing just that. We are in the process of recording and editing while we're on the current tour, but I thought you might be interested in taking a listen to the first ten minutes (completely unedited) of our Adelaide workshop last Saturday. If you have an aversion to swearing or you are a little precious, you might wanna come back tomorrow. And for you thrill-seekers, just click on the arrow thingy below and take a listen...
Hi Team. Hope you did something spectacular, if not enjoyable and relaxing, over your weekend. Johnny and I spent Friday night and Saturday in Adelaide sharing some RYLlove and eating cheesecake with some of those fine South Aussies. And a few weirdos too. You know who you are. Apart from some uncontrolled laughter, a little inappropriate subject matter (bowel movements, flatulence) and a catering lady who was determined to collect my teacup from the table in front of me in the middle of my presentation (serious), it was a day of education, motivation and inspiration and came complete with laughter, tears, hugs and resolutions for change. Thanks to everyone who made us feel so welcome. We enjoyed every minute of it and look forward to heading back some time soon.
The Stunt Driver
You'll be pleased to hear that our competition winner Jo Thomaswas at the workshop (with her fine man Tim) and she is looking awesome. The weight is dropping (consistently), the fitness is increasing (significantly) and the cigarettes are gone for good (yay). Keep up the good work Jo, you're doing great. And to the lunatic stunt driver and her co-driver (you know who you are) who chauffeured(!) us petrified lads to the airport, thanks. For not killing us. It was an experience we won't forget and it certainly snapped me out of the post-cheesecake coma I was slipping into. Our next RYL trip is to Brisbane in a few weeks, so Johnny and I look forward to meeting some of you Queenslanders and sharing some cheesecake. I mean, inspiration and education.
Tears and Snot
After getting in to Melbourne late last night from Adelaide thanks to a delayed flight, I decided I might take it easy this morning (writing this late Sunday) and watch a DVD that one of my gorgeous readers sent me (thanks Michelle from Tasmania). At the start of this year I read and wrote about one of my all-time fave books; Tuesday's with Morrie. After hearing about the book for years, I finally took the time (and showed the common sense) to read it. You've probably read it, but if you haven't done so, make the effort. You'll thank me. It's simple, relevant, honest, challenging, uplifting and if you let it be, life-changing.
Anyway, the lovely Michelle sent me the movie version starring Hank Azaria and Jack Lemmon, so today I put my tired self on the couch and pressed 'play'. I then spent an hour and a half bawling like a grumpy two year-old, while contemplating the various messages Morrie (an incredibly wise man in the last months of his life) had to teach me. And yep, it's a true story. I'm so glad I was alone because the whole tears thing may have brought my incredible alpha-male-ness (a term) into question. And I wouldn't want that of course.
Stop Wasting Time
While the story pushed many buttons and offered many important lessons on many levels, the key message for me was - don't waste time on bullshit. And don't we have an incredible talent for doing just that (periodically at least)? I've done it, so have you. It seems that people are never more open, honest, genuine or practical than when they're dying. They don't have time for their ego, their issues or their self-esteem to get in the way of what they need to do and say. All the bullshit disappears. They just do what they have to. With ease. All the stuff they couldn't say, they communicate with ease. It's amazing what can be said when the fear of rejection and embarrassment aren't an issue. They don't have the time to waste so they become dynamic, effective and powerful. Ironic really. All that (ultimately) pointless humanistic crap (what we look like, what we wear, what people think) which only distracts us from the important stuff (friends, family, love, communication, connection, forgiveness), instantly becomes irrelevant and meaningless when someone is told they are going to die.
What Matters
When we think about it, we all have a finite amount of time to spend here on the big blue ball and some of us have (had) a gift for wasting that precious time for too long. In truth, we might be here for another day or another fifty years. Of course we don't know. It's a pity that so many of us need to be confronted with some kind of tragedy before we get a healthy level of perspective and some kind of grip on reality; what's really important and significant in the context of a life. Our life. Be brutally honest with yourself and think about how much time, effort and energy you've wasted over the course of your lifetime not saying and doing some of the things you should. Too much? Me too.
Am I not Pretty Enough?
Some of us have spent years (and years) trying to be rich enough, beautiful enough, lean enough, smart enough and desirable enough because that's what our dysfunctional culture has taught us we need to be. But it's a complete fraud. Mostly we come out the other side of that pursuit feeling decidedly lonely, empty, frustrated and unfulfilled because we've totally neglected the important stuff - the stuff life is really about; the sharing, the connecting, the communicating, the giving, the sacrifice, the learning, the kindness, generosity; the unconditional and uninhibited process of loving others. In our urgency to get, we forget to give. Some of us have spent a lifetime trying to meet internal (emotional, spiritual, psychological) needs with external (physical, material) solutions. It doesn't work. So stop trying. Of course there's nothing wrong with being beautiful, buffed and rich... except when we start to believe that what we look like and what we own, is who we are.
I gotta say, if someone had said to me at the start of this week "hey Craig, what's gonna generate more of a response on your site; a post onLife Purpose, or one about aDickhead Running a Marathonwhile consuming beer in the name of science", I probably would have gone with option 'A'. But then again, what do I know? Clearly not much. Yep, the Beer-Fuelled Marathon concept has taken on a life of it's own. If I really wanted to, I could probably assemble a team of beer-drinking marathoners to do the event - such is the level of interest. I've also had numerous emails suggesting all kinds of weird-ass future experiments that I could conduct using Mikey (see photo) as my crash-test dummy. All in the name of science of course. I've even had some volunteers who would be happy to join my... research team. Sometimes being silly, mildly irresponsible and laughing your guts out just for the sake of it, is completely liberating and therapeutic. That's my story anyway. On with today's post... My Life Purpose
I'm not exactly sure why, but off the back of our Life Purpose theme this week I have received a bunch of comments and emails from people who want to know what my life purpose is. So if that doesn't really interest you (and I'd understand if it didn't), you may wanna pop back on Monday. I guess one of the interesting things about defining our life purpose is that some of us feel compelled to come up with some grand, world-changing, mind-blowing, hugely-philosophical mission statement. Relax; you don't need to. I said. I'm sure people think that my (written) Life Purpose will be a twenty seven page document that will take a team of experts years to decipher. Don't think so. Not that smart. Or complex.
My Life Purpose is... (drum roll)
ToLIVE, LAUGH, LOVEand LEARN
Almost anti-climactic wasn't it?
Four simple, beautiful, meaningful words that define what I'm about. No twenty seven page document required. No need for the linguistic analysis. No need for the philosophers or scholars to decode the hidden message. You will find these four words in most of the books I sign for people and in various places around this site. They represent what my life is about.
I know the words are essentially self-explanatory but I'll expand a little:
1. LIVE: Since I was young I have always wanted to do more than survive my life. I always wanted more than an existence. Even as a teenager, I wanted to milk my life for everything I could; to live my life to the full - whatever that was going to mean. I never wanted to waste a day. For years I watched (some) people make their lives harder than they needed to be. Watched people major in minors and be problem-focused. I have learned that some people choose misery and some people choose joy (even through adversity). I choose joy. I choose to live not survive. To me the idea of spending my life in a holding pattern, being reactive not proactive, waiting not doing, copying not creating, being a victim not a victor, following not leading and conforming to 'fit in' is repulsive. I have always seen my life as a privilege and a gift, not a right. So I will do my best to live a life of humility, thankfulness, gratitude, hope, creativity, inspiration, meaning and productivity. Of course I'm flawed and I will continue to make mistakes and have my critics, but I won't die wondering. I won't die with my music still in me.
2. LAUGH: Laughing is one of my all-time fave things to do. Pity so many of us are too busy, too responsible, too mature, too spiritual (too proud, too stupid, too stubborn) to do it on a regular basis. I believe we should consciously gravitate towards that which makes us laugh. Often. I'm not a big fan of the long-face brigade. And what a massive membership they have. They annoy me. I have little time for them. I think that (as a rule) the older we get, the less we laugh (we the society). Shame. When we're laughing, we're happy. And when we're happy our body is producing happy, healthy, healing hormones - so why wouldn't we laugh? When we're laughing we're fun to be around. Physically, emotionally, mentally, socially and professionally, the benefits of laughing are numerous. When we were kids we laughed just because we could. It didn't have to make sense. Sometimes we need less logic and maturity and more laughter.
3. LOVE: For me, the LOVE part of my Life Purpose comes in the form of giving to a range of people, in a range of different situations, circumstances and states of need. While different people express (and seek) love in different ways, for me it's important to invest (time, energy, care, knowledge, money, encouragement, passion) into the lives of others with no agenda. Selfless and unconditional love. I don't always nail it, but I do my best. One of the toughest challenges for all of us (okay, me) is to avoid being selfish; for many of us it's our default setting. Especially us only children. We do it without even thinking. I think it's fair to say that a life without giving or receiving love (however you do that) doesn't really have much purpose. 4. LEARN: I have always been amazed at the capacity we humans have for learning, creating, adapting and let's be blunt, doing some incredible shit. Gotta admit, that whole walking on the moon thing was kinda outstanding in the sixties. Sure, it comes a close second to the beer-fuelled marathon in terms of scientific value and shaping the history of mankind, but impressive nonetheless. Neil Armstrong.... Mikey.... yep, same breath. I am passionate about, and committed to life-long learning and I consider not using my brain as a waste of an amazing gift. The idea of not exploring my potential and developing my knowledge, skill and understanding isn't even an option for me. I don't consider myself to be particularly intelligent or gifted but I am determined to maximise what I've got. I can't determine how much potential I have, but I can determine how much of that potential I use. It's a choice. The world is my classroom, every person I meet is a potential teacher, every day provides me with numerous lessons and being a good student truly is a matter of attitude and application.
See you next week x
P.S.I look forward to meeting some of you South Aussies at our Adelaide Renovate Your Life Workshop tomorrow. Woohoo! Hugs all round. If you're not booked in and you're interested in coming along, you can learn more here.
So Tuesday's post seemed to open a can of worms. Some people were motivated, some challenged, some stimulated, some confused and some were inspired to consider, explore and discover their own life purpose. A few were even worried about not knowing what their life purpose is. Just what we all need; more stuff to worry and stress about.
Stop it.
Obviously an article by the ex-bodybuilder and bouncer won't provide the final word on life purpose (amazingly) and it certainly ain't gonna de-mystify the subject for all of mankind, but my intention in taking a look at this topic was merely to open the door to a fascinating area and to stimulate you to consider and explore your life purpose, if you haven't done so already. Clearly, I can't tell you (or anyone) what your life purpose should be (neither do I want to), but perhaps I can share some ideas, suggestions and strategies which may be of value to you in your quest to bring a new level of meaning, enjoyment and productivity to your life.
The benefits of consciously defining our life purpose are...
* It takes us out of that holding pattern we've been in for ten (twenty, thirty, forty) years (you know the one) and forces us to think deeply about our existence, our behaviours and the results we produce in our world, rather than simply getting up today and doing what we did yesterday, last month and last... decade.
* It gives us a level of clarity and certainty (two things we like) about how we live our life (work, relationships, hobbies, habits, communication, passions, spirituality) and why we do the things we do. It forces us to deal with, acknowledge and consider the things we've ignored and/or neglected for far too long.
* It becomes easier for us to make significant, life-impacting decisions because we have certainty and confidence about our existence.
* It provides us with a deeper level of meaning and understanding of the things we do with our life.
* It helps us stay focused and on course, and provides us with a degree of accountability, direction and responsibility; all good things.
* It keeps us (more) motivated, inspired, excited and proactive. It also keeps us doing what we need to do to get where we want to go (literally, metaphorically, emotionally, professionally, financially, creatively, etc.). It creates momentum; a necessary ingredient of the success journey. What we know about the process of exploring our life purpose is...
* It's not necessarily quick, painless or easy; it may take some time, work, discipline, consideration and considerable strength of character. Along the way, many will give up and they will settle. Compromise. Lower their standards. Your life purpose may not receive universal approval, endorsement or support. In fact, it probably won't. Don't be surprised if family, friends and/or colleagues don't share your joy and optimism as you go on your journey of self-discovery. In fact, don't be surprised if some do their best to sabotage your efforts. You can read more about those human speed humps here.
* There's no universal consensus on how to find your life purpose (in fact there's more like universal disagreement). The philosophers, the psychologists, the spiritual-types and the self-help brigade don't really see eye to eye on this (even within their own group). Unfortunately, I can't give you a fail-proof formula today because we're all wired differently and different things work for different people. Some people's life purpose is deeply spiritual. Some not. Some believe that God should be at the centre of every decision and mankind's universal purpose is to serve him. Some not. Some academics believe that our purpose is to learn, evolve and ask questions. Some not. Some self-helpers believe that our purpose is to spend our life working at becoming the best us we can be. Some not. Some surfers think that people like you and I think too much and that life is about finding and riding the perfect wave. Who's to say they're wrong?
My thoughts and suggestions on the matter...
* Defining our life purpose is kind of like writing our own personal mission statement. If you work for a company with ten or more employees, then more than likely, your organisation has a mission statement. This tells us about the organisation's reason for being, it's values, it's standards, it's philosophy, the way it operates, why it operates and what it wants to do, be and create in it's world. How do you operate and why do you operate that way? What do you want to do, be and create? Is your typical behaviour consistent with your goals, values and beliefs?
* Are you producing the kind of results you want to see in your world? If not, then maybe you're living at odds with your true life purpose; what you could and should be doing.
* Life purpose is something which can, and often will, change over time.
* In researching, I discovered that some people are quite emotional, opinionated and borderline arrogant about this topic. Two people who I spoke with (since I wrote Tuesday's article) were very forceful and absolute in their opinions and quite critical of people who didn't align with their thinking on the matter. "Hey, I'm glad you have found your purpose, but please let me find my own."
* Some of us feel like we need to have some kind of grand, totally selfless, world-changing, Mother Teresa-type mission here on planet earth, otherwise we can't be living a life of value. Not true. That type of belief is paralysing, dis-empowering and ridiculous. If you have a global mission, great. If not, relax. This piece of advice is not to be mis-interpreted as a vote for selfishness and self-centred-ness.
* It's interesting when you talk to some people about their (alleged) life purpose and then compare that with how they typically live their life. Liar, liar pants on fire. In truth, some people's purpose (if their existence is any indication) is to make themselves comfortable and happy, at (almost) any cost. The theory (of life purpose) and the practical reality (of their life) are often quite different.
* My final piece of advice to you is, don't step into someone else's life purpose. Stop conforming and start being you. We already have too many clones, sheep and cults. Listen to others but explore, think and learn for yourself. Find your own truth, your own passion, your own song to sing, your own reason for being.
While I can't tell you what your life purpose should be, I can tell you that if you have clarity about what you want to do, be and create over the course of your lifetime, you're ahead of most.
Hi Team. Following on from yesterday's post, part two of 'Life Purpose' will be up soon; it's taking a little longer than I had anticipated and spare time is something I'm short of this week. It's half finished and should be good to go for tomorrow, so stay tuned. There will be no educational or inspirational download from me to you today, just a little silliness instead. A momentary distraction from the serious business that is your life!If you're after some life-changing personal development, you might be advised to come back tomorrow...
The Think Tank
Most days (when I'm in Melbourne) I have lunch with my business partner Mikey and my boy Johnny (and the occasional visitor). It gives us an hour away from the business mayhem and it's an opportunity for us boys to talk mindless crap, eat, laugh a lot, eat some more and be completely irresponsible and periodically inappropriate. We have discussions that women would never have. Ever. Not better or worse, just different. You girls totally wouldn't see the point of the mindless drivel that flows from our gobs. Discussions about ridiculous, hypothetical situations and scenarios. Funny things. The more pointless and unlikely, the better. A surprising number of our discussions start with something stupid like "imagine if you had your own rocket back-pack and you could fly to work." See, I told you; stupid. I'm so glad those sessions aren't recorded. My already-fragile credibility could be completely smashed and I might be exposed for the over-sized teenager that I am. While we occasionally talk work, we generally do our best to avoid anything resembling a grown-up conversation. It's a boy thing.
The Genesis of Genius
So yesterday at lunch, the three mental giants (us) were all chatting about the upcoming marathon on October 12; the Melbourne Marathon (42.2 kms, 26 miles). Both Mikey and Johnny are running it and the suggestion was made that perhaps yours truly should be at the finish line with beers in hand when the two alpha males break the tape in first and second places (ish). What ensued from that reasonable suggestion was twenty minutes of mindless, pseudo-scientific banter exploring the potential physiological benefits (surely they exist) and consequences of running a marathon using beer as the only means of hydration during the event.
In the Name of Science
Being the pioneer and the seeker of all truth and knowledge that he is, Mikey selflessly and without thought for his own welfare or safety, raised his hand in the name of scientific exploration and advancement. And alcohol. "I'll do it for mankind", he said selflessly. "You're in", came the reply from an already-laughing... me. And the beer-fuelled marathon was born. So it was decided that in about six weeks from now (after his official marathon) Mikey is going to run a beer-fuelled marathon. Of course there's nothing better than a good laugh, a test of one's physical endurance (some might say, stupidity) and a little scientific research, so why not combine the three? Sounds like good logic to me. And of course, with Australia's obsession with sport and beer, an amalgamation seems to make complete sense doesn't it? Perhaps not. Don't think too hard about that question.
How does it Work?
Good question. Amazingly, we're going to make the process (yep, there's actually a process) as scientific as we can. It will go something like this:
1. Mikey will run a marathon and consume six, 375ml (12.7 ounces) bottles of full strength beer along the way. The beer will be consumed at set intervals and provision will be made to ensure no spillage (waste not, want not).
2. He will have his blood alcohol and hydration levels tested pre and post-event. Naturally the blood alcohol reading will be zero before the event and we would assume it will be above zero at the completion of the marathon.
3. We will compare his pre and post-race hydration levels from the beer-fuelled marathon (BFM) with the comparative data from his regular marathon.
4. In the week following the BFM, Mikey will consume the same amount of alcohol over the same time frame (the time it took him to complete his BFM) while sitting on a couch (complete inactivity). After drinking the six bottles in the allocated time, he will have his hydration levels and blood alcohol level taken. We will also check his hydration levels before he starts drinking.
5. We will compare the data (blood alcohol levels etc.) from BFM with the couch drinking session. This should give us an indication of the effect that strenuous exercise has on blood alcohol levels - with the couch session being a control (of sorts).
Goals of the 'Experiment'.
1. To see what happens to Mikey and to laugh a lot.
2. To compare the physiological effects of drinking half a dozen bottles of beer while planted on a couch, against drinking the same amount of beer while running a marathon. Specifically, to compare blood alcohol concentration between the two processes. Same amount of alcohol, over the same time frame consumed by the same person - doing two completely different things (sitting, running). It should give us an indication of how much alcohol gets 'used' over the 42.2 km run.
3. To observe the impact of the alcohol on his performance (speed, co-ordination, technique, concentration, energy levels).
Disclaimer
Now before I get a bunch of emails telling me how irresponsible I am, keep in mind that:
1. Yes, we know it's silly. That's the point. Lighten up.
2. This is a one-off experiment by a fit, young, strong, slightly stupid volunteer - it ain't gonna kill him (but he may hurl). 3. I'm not suggesting anyone else try this. 4. I realise there is zero personal development or educational value in this post. That was the whole idea.
Anyway...
I'll let you know how Mikey goes. There will be pictures, possibly a video and definitely a written report. See you with something much more responsible and appropriate tomorrow.
Er... hello. Remember me? Yeah, it's been a while hasn't it? Four days with no post, I think that's almost a me-dot-com record. I intended to write something for yesterday, but the Perth trip with Johnny, Miss Bossy and those crazy kids from the West took it out of me. My plan was to write a post on the flight back on Sunday night but it's kinda hard to write something creative and clever... while you're sleeping. Pathetic I know. And it doesn't help when you're sitting in a seat that's actually smaller than your body. My mind was all for it, but the rest of me had another plan. Clearly I'm no spring chicken. I had about two hours sleep on Saturday night so I did pretty well to stay awake for my workshop on Sunday morning. Overall, we had a great time in Perth, lots of fun, met a bunch of cool people and enjoyed our time immensely. Thanks to you good folk of Perth. I look forward to meeting some of you South Aussies this Saturday, when Johnny and I roll into Adelaide for part two of the Renovate Your Life Roadshow.
On with today's post...
At some stage we all ask ourselves one or more of the following questions:
*What's my life purpose?
*What am I meant to be doing? *Why am I here? *What will my legacy be?
Agreeing to Disagree
Life purpose is an interesting topic which generates much debate, discussion and disagreement. In planning this article - yes, occasionally I plan - (a little) I asked eight people (not a big sample I admit) what their life purpose was and none of them could answer me with any clarity, certainty, conviction or speed. They all wanted to give me an intelligent, meaningful and insightful answer... but they couldn't. A couple of them spewed out some trite, predictable "I wanna help humanity and leave the world a better place" kind of answers, but in truth, they were clutching at straws. They all made a point of telling me how hard it was to answer the what is your life purpose question without any kind of warning. Perhaps I should have emailed them first. Some actually gave me an answer, realised it made them sound selfish and shallow and subsequently changed their response. Then they came out with something profound like... "aah I dunno, I need more time to think about it."
Different Perspectives
Some people don't believe we have a life purpose as such; we just arrive on the planet, hang around for eighty years, watch some sport, eat too much and then die. Some people believe that their life purpose is cosmically pre-ordained by some higher power and then they spend their lives trying to discover and fulfill it. Some believe that their life purpose is determined solely by them; "my purpose is whatever I choose it to be." Some believe that their life purpose will change over time. Some really aren't so sure and others want someone else to tell them what their life purpose should be.
But what Does it Mean?
I think part of the problem (in answering this question with any level of intelligence, honesty and competence) is that (1) many of us don't actually know what the term Life Purpose really means and (2) many of us don't actually think so deeply or philosophically ~ we just do what we do. Maybe there is no universally accepted understanding of this term. Perhaps it means different things for each of us. Do we all have one? Are we meant to have one? Where do we look for it? Did they teach us about it at school and somehow you and I missed that lesson? Does my life purpose need to be Gandhi-like and have a global impact? Do I need to live a noble, selfless and philanthropic existence to be living a life with purpose? Does my time on the big blue ball need to be history-shaping? Do I need to leave a significant footprint on the story of mankind? Do I need to become super-spiro (spiritual) and buy myself a kaftan? Spend a year alone in a cave maybe? Is my life purpose only relevant and meaningful to me, or do I need to factor in the rest of humanity?
What am I meant to be doing with my life?
This is a common and curious question. The phrase 'meant to be doing' infers a level of pre-dermined(ness) about our existence and that maybe a force beyond our influence, control and own free will has pre-ordained some kind of cosmic path that we should be following in order to tick the karmic boxes and fulfil our 'destiny' and life purpose. I personally consider this kind of ideology to be complete... crap.. but that's just my perspective and maybe one day I'll discover I'm wrong. Who knows? This kind of thinking also infers that perhaps our life purpose is not determined by us; it already exists somewhere and we just need to discover it and live accordingly. Maybe that's it over there, under that pile of self-help books or maybe it's behind the couch. Or it could be hidden somewhere in that pile of dogma you've had shoved down your throat for all those years.
Or not.
Maybe you're the only one who can decide what you should be doing; what your purpose is? Perhaps you should listen to others, learn from them, consider their thoughts and beliefs, respect them and appreciate them but think for yourself, make your own decisions, learn your own truth, sing your own song and diligently and passionately search for your own life purpose. After all, you don't need anyone's permission or approval do you? It's your life, so why don't you choose? Just a thought.
The 'meant to be doing' Paradigm
Maybe the 'meant to be doing' paradigm is a dangerous place to live. Perhaps it stifles the real us and inhibits our potential, our possibilities and our creativity. And personal growth. Maybe it stops us from finding us. Perhaps it prevents us from exploring, pushing the boundaries, asking questions and discovering our own truth - as opposed to simply adopting the beliefs, opinions, thinking and behaviours of others (as many do). Far too often we step into someone else's truth and make it our own. Their life purpose becomes ours. We settle. Compromise. Their standards become ours. Their limits become ours. And their dysfunction becomes ours. For far too long some of us have been surrounded by people who have told us what we should and shouldn't be doing with our lives. We have let them define our purpose. Steer our ship. Shape our destiny.
Having said that, tomorrow I'll tell you exactly what your life purpose should be.
Just kidding.
But I will tell you how you can begin to explore, understand and develop your own unique life purpose without compromising your personal beliefs, values or standards and without becoming another sheep on the farm.
Love to know your thoughts on this interesting subject.
G'day Troops. Hope you're well, having some fun, being a little cheeky, not conforming too much, doing what you need to do and having a great week. Busy weekend coming up for the Bald Man, Miss Bossy Boots and I with our Perth Renovate Your Lifeworkshop at the WA State Library this Sunday. Four hours on a plane with Johnny (twice) could be a challenge - with his limited attention span and all. I best bring his crayons and some paper. And keep him off the red drinks. You know how he gets.
If you live in Australia and you happen to read this before ten thirty this morning, take a peek at Channel Ten at 10:20 (ish). I will be talking about overcoming adversity.
Thought for the Day
At some stage every 'success story' was merely an idea, a concept, a theory, a possibility floating around in someone's head. Potential to be explored and developed. A reality to be created. And while the majority of people will spend a great deal of their lives not turning those possibilities into realities, not using their potential and not living their passion, the few who dare to take a chance, dare to maximise what they've got, dare to get uncomfortable, dare to persevere, dare to look fear in the eye and dare to do what the majority won't, will live in the stratosphere.
What will you do with your ideas? Your potential? Your time? Your life? Will you strive for amazing? Or you will you settle for mediocrity?
Yesterday I said that today we were going to explore the notion of finding our life purpose. And we were going to do that. Until I received a bunch of emails (seven to be exact) all asking me essentially the same three things:
1. How do I change careers to something completely different - without going broke or having a nervous breakdown in the process?
2. How do I make money from my passion, rather than simply having a job which pays the bills?
3. How do I move from professional frustration to professional fulfillment?
Nine to Five Grind
While I'm clearly not a Career Change Expert (I'm sure they exist), I have helped plenty of people over the years re-invent themselves on a professional level and worked with them to discover and embrace their passion, rather than survive their unfulfilling career. Thinking about a career change is extremely common. Some people do it daily. Hourly even. Some people are on a constant quest to find their 'thing', some found their thing long ago and others have resigned themselves to a life of tolerating the work-force and the nine to five grind.
Pity about that last group.
Looking for a Change
I receive at least one or two (sometimes ten) emails most days from people who want to do what I do or something similar. The majority of people who contact me (re career stuff) want to be professional speakers, motivators, coaches. They are looking for change, rejuvenation, re-invention, stimulation and personal growth. And possibly, a little happiness. It seems that plenty of us are regularly looking over the professional fence to see if the grass is greener and more rewarding on the other side. More fun perhaps. More meaningful. More exciting. Less stressful maybe.
A Professional Identity Crisis
I understand the whole changing careers thing first hand because I had something of a professional identity crisis for years when I was younger. In the process of discovering me, I did everything from bouncing in pubs (getting punched by drunk blokes) and working on construction sites, to writing for numerous magazines, working in television and being a University lecturer. I've also taught swimming, worked with handicapped kids, managed other people's gyms, hosted radio shows, established a screen printing business (at twenty), co-owned a beauty salon (clearly), owned several gyms, written a few books, trained three professional sporting teams, coached numerous elite athletes, did my first professional speaking gig at twenty three and went back to full-time study (while maintaining full time work of course) at thirty five.
Using What We've Got
Some things I was good at, some crap, but I always had an eye on creating my best life, keeping an open mind and learning as much as possible. I'm not incredibly talented but I am passionate, driven, optimistic and happy to deal with fear, discomfort and pain. I am good at maximizing what I've got. While other people might have more potential and natural talent, I've always worked hard to get the most out of what I have. Physically, emotionally, mentally and professionally. I have worked consciously and strategically to learn from others who had the knowledge, skills and experience that I lacked. The idea of clocking on and clocking off at work (for forty years) never really appealed to me. Still doesn't. Sure I did stuff along the way that wasn't my ideal (we all do), but for me it was always a stepping stone; part of the discovery and development process. It was never going to be the end of the road. Even the crappy jobs and crappy bosses taught me what I don't want to do or become. Always finding the lesson.
Some (but probably not all) of the following might be of value to you if you are (or could be) thinking about a new professional direction. Take a peek and see what's relevant and meaningful for you... and then do something with it.
1. A career doesn't need to be a life sentence. In going to work each day, some people feel like they are serving an extended jail term. I have worked with people who have successfully taken up new careers in their fifties and sixties. My father (always a gifted artist) didn't start painting professionally until he was in his sixties. Even at sixty nine, his skill and the quality of his work is still improving every year. One of my trainers (Jan) is sixty seven and didn't start working in the fitness industry until she was well into her fifties. Another one of my team is just about to complete her first university degree (Bachelor of Exercise Science) - she's fifty four years young. She now wants to do her Masters and possible a Ph.D down the track. Just because you haven't done something doesn't mean it's not possible, it just means you haven't done it. Yet. You can keep finding an excuse... or you can find a way.
2. Be practical and strategic not emotional, reactive or irrational. Let's be completely honest, lots of us have made plenty of stupid decisions about our career. We've compromised, we've reacted, we've waited, we've made excuses and we've hoped success would magically find us. We waited for the situation to somehow fix itself. Rather than creating opportunities, many of us waited for them to present themselves. Good luck with that. While building a new career can be driven by passion and emotion, it needs to be wrapped in a logical, practical plan.
3. Get clarity and certainty about what you do and don't want from your career. I don't want a boss. I do want to work along side great (passionate, inspirational, talented) people. I don't want a nine to five job. I do want a career that provides me with regular cerebral stimulation. I don't want to travel two hours each way to and from work. I do want to use my communication skills. I do want a career where I am challenged and motivated to keep learning and growing. I do want to have fun every day. I do want to earn enough money to live comfortably. I do want a career where I can be a positive influence in the lives of others. I do want to create and innovate rather than replicate and imitate. What do you want? If you can't (clearly) define it, you probably won't create it.
4. Get educated. It might be necessary for you to re-train yourself for your new career. This could mean anything from enrolling in a part-time course at a local college for eight weeks, through to applying to study medicine for six years at university.
5. Get some experience. It's often a good idea to gain some (unpaid) work experience in the field that interests you. It will give you a greater understanding of, and insight into, what you might be getting yourself into. My first year in radio was completely unpaid - and I was doing a weekly five hour live talk-back show on a commercial station. The experience, the learning and the skill acquisition was much more important to me than any money. My first fifty(ish) speaking gigs (all those years ago) were for free (or close to free). Why? Because I wanted the opportunity to develop my speaking skills and I couldn't become a better speaker... unless I was speaking! In the first year of this site being in existence I worked on average forty to fifty hours per week writing, creating and developing the product. I got paid zero for all of that. For the first six months I'm sure I was writing for about seven people. And my parents were two of them! It's only over the last year where the site has begun to produce any kind of income (via books, DVD's, workshops, etc.) and our readership has grown to about 300,000 readers per month. There was no guarantee that any of this would ever amount to anything in cyberspace. If you are going to volunteer your time and energy to gain work experience along side someone, make sure that you are going to add value to their (work) life. Otherwise you're just another 'project' to distract them from what they really need to be doing and before long they will resent you (seen it many times). People often ask if they can follow me around for a few days (for work experience) but mostly what they're after is free mentoring and coaching.
6. Research. Explore your options. Talk to people who are already successful in a field that interests you. Learn from their experience and their lessons. Don't waste their time; be intelligent, methodical and purposeful in your time with them. When you meet with them, ask meaningful and specific questions (I get asked plenty of mind-numbingly stupid questions). Be organised. Have clarity about what you want to achieve through your research and your time with them. You may need to pay for an hour of their time. If you find the right person, it will be a worthwhile investment and may save you a lot of time and energy.
7. Be realistic. If you can't hold a tune then you're probably not gonna be a rock star any time soon. If you're five feet tall, you're probably not gonna be drafted by the Lakers next week. If you want your own TV show but it needs to be a reality by this Christmas, then that might be a problem. Some people come to consult with me and they want to go from zero speaking experience to packing out a Tony Robbins (type) auditorium by next Tuesday. No experience, modest talent, no speaking skills, no profile... sure, no problem. Close your eyes, I'll just wave my magic wand. Maybe you should do a few freebies, develop some skills, get a little experience and learn a bit first. Waddya think? Just a thought.
8. Toughen up. Changing careers is rarely quick, easy or painless. If you're not emotionally and mentally tough and determined to be in it for the long haul, then (1) toughen up or (2) learn to be happy where you are. Lose the ego, be prepared to make mistakes, look silly and work harder than most. Do what most won't; get uncomfortable, be humble and persevere. A complete transition could take weeks or years. You need to decide if you're up for it.
9. Learn from others but be YOU. Clones are boring. I've met hundred of replicas and they're never happy or successful over the long term because they're constantly acting and pretending to be something they're not.
10. Weigh up the cost. Everything has a price and changing a career often comes at a significant cost; financially, emotionally, mentally, socially and practically. Weigh it up. Consider the practical impact on your life situation (relationships, finances, time, health, future plans). If you go into the process with a realistic understanding of the cost, you're much more likely to process a great result.
The Last Bit
So that's the Craig the sensible and practical educator finished for today.
Now, what Craig the motivator wants to tell you is... stop waiting, stop getting in your own way, stop rationalising mediocrity, stop over-thinking and under-doing, stop compromising, stop wasting your talent, stop making excuses, get some balls and start working on that new career. Do, be and create amazing because that's what you want for your life. That's your standard.
Hi Girls and Boys. No article (as such) today as I'm kinda busy, but following my post on the Quad Stack Burger the other day, I received a bunch of feedback via email. I thought I'd just share this little nutritional gem which was sent to me by my friend Janice Hutton from Twist Conditioning in Canada. Here's an extract from the CBS news story:
It could be the world's unhealthiest snack. The ultimate in fast-food indulgence is cooked up, not by a restaurant chain, but by a minor-league baseball club, reports CBS News correspondent Cynthia Bowers. Despite having a charming ballpark just outside St. Louis, the Gateway Grizzlies will likely never be renowned for their brand of baseball - one step below Single-A ball. But they're already famous at the concession stand. Or should that be infamous? It's sweet like a doughnut, and then you've got the hamburger. You've read that right. It's a burger with cheese and bacon, sandwiched between a Krispy Kreme doughnut!
Is it just me or does that photo almost make the Quad Stack Burger look reasonable? They look truly horrible don't they? If you can top the cheese-bacon-burger-Krispy-Kreme combo, I'd love to hear about it. But then maybe I wouldn't. Bucket anyone?
See you tomorrow when we will explore 'Finding Your Life Purpose'.
* Don't forget you West Aussies, I'm in Perth this Sunday for instalment one of my Renovate Your Life Tour. I look forward to meeting those of you who can get along.
Hope you're enjoying your week and being, doing and creating amazing in your world by choice. Still. Yep, I know I bang on about it... but sometimes an amazing existence is all about perseverance, commitment, determination and discipline over time. Even when the novelty wears off and the excitement subsides. And sometimes it ain't sexy, glamorous, easy, quick or even fun. Sometimes it's just hard work. Doing what the majority won't. But we're okay with that right?
Enjoy your Tuesday and on with today's post...
In the big wide world of Corporate Health and Wellness (yep, that's what they call it) there's a buzz term that's been doing the rounds for a few years now; Work-Life Balance. The term basically refers to the relationship between the amount of time and energy we spend working and not working, and the impact that relationship has on our lives. Some organisations and experts have even quantified what's healthy and unhealthy when it comes to balancing the work-life thing. Up to forty hours of work per week; healthy. Forty to fifty; heading towards unhealthy. More than fifty; danger, danger!!
X doesn't always equal Y
Now, you know that I hate arbitrary figures spewed out by experts don't you. No need for a question mark on that. Rhetorical question. The assertion that 'X' hours of work per week will create a universal 'Y' response in all people across the spectrum of occupations and situations is completely ridiculous and misleading. Other than time worked, there are a wide range of variables which impact on the type of effect (positive or negative) that a career will have on an individual.
Retirement
Did you know that some people's health (emotional, mental and physical) actually starts to deteriorate when they stop working? Retirement ain't necessarily all it's cracked up to be. For some people, work actually prolongs their life and enhances their overall health because for them work equals mental, emotional and physical stimulation. It also means they're needed, valued and productive. And no, I'm not suggesting that we work indefinitely. What I am saying is that hanging up the work boots doesn't necessarily equate to nirvana. For some yes, for others no.
All hours ain't equal
I seriously doubt that fifty hours of working with animals at the zoo (for an animal lover) would be comparable to fifty hours of working in an emergency ward of a busy hospital for a highly-stressed, under-slept intern. If I'm working for twenty hours a week in a job that I absolutely hate, which causes me great stress and anxiety and gives me zero job satisfaction, then surely that's twenty hours too many? Or conversely, what if I'm working seventy hours a week in a career which gives me great joy, satisfaction, fulfillment and pleasure? It's not hard to figure out which of those two jobs would have more of a negative impact on my relationships, my mental state, my emotional health, my physical health and my life in general.
Work isn't always work.
Or what if I don't actually have a 'job'... but a passion that I get paid for? I wonder if the Nun's union ever chatted with Mother Teresa about her work-life balance. Surely she couldn't have been happy, fulfilled or satisfied working all those hours in such poor conditions? Perhaps what she really needed was some down-time at Club Med. A little windsurfing maybe. A spot of snorkeling. I wonder if the work-life balance guidelines ever reached the convent.
And what about the professional artist (like my father) who gets great joy and satisfaction from expressing himself creatively? Should he stop painting at five o'clock because painting until seven will make him unbalanced? "Sorry Ron, that's too much painting for you this week, you need a day off to re-balance. I know you feel happy and content, but you're not; you're over-worked. Don't confuse your feelings with our work-life balance research. Statistics don't lie Ron."
Such bullshit.
Take a holiday Craig
People have been telling me for years that I work too much. But for me that's almost impossible because I don't actually have a job; I just get paid to do what I love; what I'm passionate about. I never feel like I'm going to work. Ever. I research, I learn, I teach, I write, I do media stuff and I speak all over Australia (and the world) and I happen to get paid for it. Such a tough gig. Poor over-worked me. Take a look at my reality: I rarely get stressed (maybe twice a year), I am physically fit and strong, I am emotionally and mentally healthy (although some would debate that), I have great personal and professional relationships, I have heaps of fun, I am stimulated every day, I am happy and fulfilled, I get to hang out with positive people like my boy Johnny (and the rest of my team) every day and I'm genuinely excited about my future and what I might create over the next few decades.
Many people would say that I'm working right now. Doesn't feel like a job to me. Maybe work is a matter of perception. Sitting here at my computer, I feel like I'm expressing myself creatively, stimulating my mind, connecting with my audience and exploring an interesting subject. For me, writing is fun. Writing is a release. It's certainly not a job. Maybe the key to getting the work-life balance thing right is not (only) about how many hours per week we work but about understanding and controlling how that work impacts on our mental, emotional and physical selves.
Ten hours too much
Of course it's possible to over-work. And of course it's possible to have an unhealthy obsession with, investment in, and attitude about our work. Sometimes hours worked is an indicator of an unhealthy work-life balance. Sometimes it isn't. Sometimes the issue is not how many hours we work per day or week at a particular job, but how those hours impact on our mental and emotional health. If ten hours per week is making you consistently stressed, anxious, depressed and unhappy, then ten hours (of that job) is too many. But find the right career (passion) and fifty hours might not be enough for you.
The last bit
Don't misunderstand what I'm saying today, I'm not for one moment suggesting that working a lot necessarily equates to happiness or fulfilment. Neither am I saying that it necessarily equates to misery, dysfunction or exhaustion. What I am suggesting is that classifying a person as balanced or unbalanced based solely on the number of hours they 'work' each week is a stupid practice... and when I'm king of the world, I'll ban it.
So it seems that Friday's article pushed a few buttons. As expected. It's good that we all have an opinion on theHeart Attack in a Box. Let me know if you eat one; I'd love some feedback. Having said that, I'm not suggesting you make a trip to HJ's just for me. Please! Well, the Motivator Dude and the Social Commentator are nowhere to be seen at the moment, so the Exercise Bloke has shown up to fill in for the day. On with the show....
A few years ago I trained a couple of sixty(ish) year-old blokes twice a week. They were both businessmen and their exercise objectives were pretty straight forward; lose a few pounds, get a little stronger and fitter, don't break anything and don't die in the process. After working with them for about a year and seeing some great results, one night I decided to do something totally different with their training; get them out of the gym and have a complete change of environment and workout. We walked out the front door of the centre and jogged to a local park.
Kids at heart
Instead of making them jog laps and do mind-numbing body-weight exercises and fitness drills, I did something which put a smile on their faces; produced a football (Aussie Rules), a soccer ball and a Frisbee from my bag of tricks. When they saw the football they were like kids at Christmas. Instead of the normal well-structured, age-appropriate (whatever that means), sensible outdoor training session, what ensued was an hour of laughing, kicking, catching, throwing, wrestling (boys will be boys) and plenty of laughs.
Can we do that again?
Without doubt, they expended more energy, ran further and worked harder than they had in any workout they'd ever done with me. Something else happened; they enjoyed it more. They didn't talk about business for an hour, they didn't complain about how hard I was working them, they didn't discuss their problems and they weren't aware of the time. They just had sixty minutes of fun. When we got back to the gym, they asked me if they could do that type of session at least once a week. All my study, all my knowledge, all the science behind my previous workouts with them, all that strategic planning... and what session did they enjoy the most? The unstructured 'freestyle' session chasing balls and Frisbees!
It wasn't pretty, but it was fun
Watching the old(ish) codgers running around like teenagers (mildly arthritic teenagers) was not only hilarious and fun but it was the easiest session (for me) I'd ever done with them. I didn't need to motivate or coerce them (in fact, I needed to hold them back a little) and I didn't need to constantly re-focus them to the task at hand. Watching them kick, catch, turn, twist, run (forward, backwards and sideways), jump, tackle and wrestle, it dawned on me how effective games are on so many levels; physiologically, mentally, emotionally and sociologically. Apart from the enjoyment factor, the physical benefits from something as simple as two old blokes kicking, catching and chasing a ball are numerous; improved aerobic endurance, muscular endurance, balance, hand-eye co-ordination, agility and physical dexterity. Isn't it amazing to know that while some people are just gettingold (by choice), others of the same age are making their bodies, fitter, leaner, stronger and more functional by choice. Who said ageing isn't optional? Isn't it also cool to know that bodies can and will adapt even into their eighties if we stimulate them the right way?
Climbing trees
On many levels, playing games is a much more effective, enjoyable and productive means of changing a body and maintaining focus than the majority of traditional (some might say boring and repetitious) workouts we subject ourselves to at the gym. Most of us get to a certain age where we stop doing the cool things we did when we were young. Ever consider what a great training session climbing a tree is? It's almost the complete workout; upper and lower body strength, flexibility, aerobic fitness, balance and co-ordination. Okay, it's slightly more dangerous than walking on a stupid treadmill... but a crap-load more fun. It's a pity that we grown-ups get to a point where we stop running, throwing, catching, kicking, lifting, balancing and climbing. Apparently we're too busy, too mature, too responsible and too old to do such things.
Cognitive Dissociation
In the worlds of exercise science and exercise psychology we use a technique called cognitive dissociation (CD) as a tool to help people exercise more productively, more consistently, more enthusiastically and with a greater level of enjoyment. In relation to exercise, CD is a fancy schmancy term for taking your mind off what you're doing to your body. For example, compare running around (and around, and around) a sports ground non-stop for ten kilometres (six miles) to running the same distance along a beautiful beach with a gorgeous view of the ocean while listening to your favourite music pumping through some light-weight headphones. Even though you're doing the same thing (as far as your body knows) - running ten kilometres - you will have two very different experiences because of what's going on above your shoulders. The ocean view and the music will provide you with a level of mental disconnection (relief, distraction) from the physical process. The beach run will be quite a different experience to the sports ground run. When we play active games we are doing the same thing. That's why many people would prefer to run five miles while playing tennis, soccer, football or Frisbee than they would to run laps of an oval or to die of boredom running on a revolving rubber belt at a gym.
A playground for grown-ups
Some of the best physical results I've seen with people over forty have come from game-based exercise sessions. I've taught sixty year-old women (yes, women) how to kick and mark (catch) and handball (an Australian thing) a football and seen amazing improvements in not only their fitness and strength but also in their balance, co-ordination, agility and even, reaction time. I've worked with seventy plus year-olds doing climbing, balance and co-ordination sessions on kid's playground equipment and they absolutely loved every session. I've watched people in their sixties take up surfing (successfully) and I've umpired volleyball games where the youngest person on the court was fifty five. Given the opportunity, most people love to play. Our bodies love it too.
And as someone much smarter than me once said:
"We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing."
It seems that yesterday's post pushed a few buttons with some of you. Good to see you're all paying attention. I love it when you get a little fired up. I'm sure today's article will generate some passionate responses also. Don't forget, I'll be in Perth for instalment one of our Renovate Your Life National Tour on September 14 (Sunday week), so if your Life is in need of a make-over, you may wanna click on thisthingy and book in. On with today's post....
The Quad Stack Burger. Oh Yes.
Here in the Land Down Under we have just added another menu option to our ever-expanding culinary landscape. Just what we need. I guess it's not often that the humble hamburger receives saturation press coverage on a national level, but the new Hungry Jack's (Burger King in the US) Quad Stack Burger (see picture) has been getting just that over the last two days. Every major television and radio station in the country has been running stories about the $5.95 heart attack in a box. And won't the good folk at Hungry Jack's be rubbing their fat little hands together with all that free PR for their new product.
And despite the excessive fat, salt, sugar, cholesterol and calories, it seems the burgers are running, or should I say waddling, out the door at a rapid rate. Take a look at some extracts of a story taken from one of our national newspapers (The Adelaide Advertiser). The stuff in italics is the original text from the article and I've added a few thoughts of my own (there's a shock) in this yucky colour...
Adelaide Advertiser September 3, 2008
A FAST food chain's "gross" 1080-calorie burger is irresponsible and a sign that the industry is ignoring health warnings about the obesity epidemic, experts say.How can a burger be irresponsible? And irresponsible to whom? Is the state of our national health (and waistlines) the responsibility of fast food companies? Don'tcha think we might personally have something to do with our country sitting at the top of the fat table? Let's not delude ourselves, yes they sell unhealthy crap - we all know that - but surely their 'responsibility' as a commercial business is to make money, keep their shareholders happy and sell as many burgers, fries and shakes to as many suckers as possible. That's how it works right? Just like your responsibility as a person who owns a brain is to make good choices about what you shove in your mouth. If people are stupid enough to CHOOSE to buy and consume the stuff then THEY should be held responsible for what THEY DO to their own bodies. To the best of my knowledge Hungry Jacks aren't force feeding the masses are they? There is a free will component to the obesity thing isn't there? How dare I state the obvious; of course we do it to ourselves but it's always so much easier to blame them for my fat self isn't it?
Obesity doesn't happen accidentally - we choose it (consciously or not), we create it and then we try to make someone or something else responsible for our poor decisions and our lack of self control and discipline. It should be a personal responsibility thing. Rather than wasting time, energy and resources blaming companies for our individual and collective fat guts, why don't we get mad at ourselves - after all, that's who really makes us fat. Let's be honest, multi-nationals don't care about my cholesterol or the size of your ass. And neither should they. You should. I should. They simply wanna sell stuff. I can manage my cholesterol and you can manage your ass by choosing to avoid products such as this burger.Just like you don't care about their bottom line, they don't care about your bottom.
TV commercials are promoting the Hungry Jack's Quad Stack Burger, which contains four beef patties, four slices of cheese, two rashers of bacon, barbecue sauce and two sugared buns. It contains 71g of fat, 34.7g of saturated fat, 1930 milligrams of sodium, and 74.8g of protein.That is kind of obscene but I have an idea... let's not eat one! That might work. It is humanly possible right? The burger, which sells for $5.95, has no salad and the calorie content equates to more than half of a woman's recommended daily energy intake and nearly one-third of a man's.That calorie statistic is complete crap. It could be true however if all men and women had exactly the same calorie needs each day - which they don't. Individual energy needs and expenditure vary greatly depending on the weight of the person, general activity levels, body composition, age, occupational activity levels, exercise habits and genetics.
When shown a photo of the burger by The Advertiser yesterday, Health Minister John Hill said: "This is just gross and encourages binge eating."Doesn't encourage me. You? Maybe it's about individual response. My response is, "no thanks". "It is unbelievable in this time of heightened awareness of obesity that a junk food producer would sell this product," he said.If people are stupid enough to buy them and eat them.... someone's gonna sell 'em! That's how the world works. It's called business. It's been happening for a while now. Ever heard of cigarettes? Alcohol? Apparently they're not so healthy either. Still for sale though. And rumour has it, quite popular. They are kind of profitable for the government too. Hey, who's that knocking at my door?
Life Personal Trainers dietitian Tanya Lewis said Hungry Jack's was being "irresponsible" in selling the new burger. "I was quite surprised that with so much media about healthy eating and the whole anti-supersize thing that they would come out and do the exact opposite," she said.From a marketing perspective, it's actually quite brilliant; heaps of free PR, massive sales and cashola galore. Tanya's not happy but someone is.
Now, of course I'm not supporting Hungry Jack's or their new menu item and I would personally never even consider eating one, but our ever-increasing dimensions are not about what they (or any other fast food outlet for that matter) are offering, it's about what we (the masses) are buying and eating!
The proliferation of unhealthy eating options will not finish with this new burger. There will be more burgers. And pizzas. And donuts. And choc bars. And beers. And cigarettes. And drugs. And people will continue to use and abuse all of them. By choice. I would love to live in a junk-food-free world but it ain't gonna happen. So maybe we should all worry less about getting mad at the fast food guys and focus on what really determines our fitness or fatness; us.
Okay, so this post is up a day(ish) early. My Thursday is a little busy this week so I thought I best be ultra organised. I wouldn't want you to think I'm getting lazy in my middle age. Hope you're having a great week by choice, doing what you need to do, and being the change. On with the show... Poor Delusional Me
Being a single bloke in his forties draws all kinds of comments, suggestions, inferences and questions from a broad cross-section of people, with responses ranging from pity to surprise, through to outright jealousy. Apparently the most interesting thing about me (for some people) is my wife-less-ness (a Craigism). Clearly there's something weird, dark and dysfunctional about me that needs to be explored and explained.
Or... I could just be a happy, single bloke.
Naaah.
Pity
Women periodically feel sorry for me (while simultaneously trying to hook me up with their sister, cousin, neighbour or girlfriend), while blokes have been known to ask if I'd be interested in trading lives with them. According to some people, I must be miserable, lonely, unfulfilled and emotionally inept. Apparently I just think I'm happy; I'm just telling myself that to make 'me' feel better about being tragically single. And lonely. Poor delusional Craig.
Gotta say, my delusion is quite the place. You should visit.
The Happiness Fraud
After all, we live in our head and we create our own reality don't we? So if I think I'm happy and I feel happy then that would make me... happy. Wouldn't it? Nope, apparently I'm in denial. Consciously happy but subconsciously miserable. All this time and I didn't realise. So ignorant of me. I've been a happiness fraud without knowing it. I best start working on my frown. And my country music CD collection. If only I could find an unhappy married person to challenge the marriage-happiness correlation theory. As if I'm gonna find one of them.
Oh well.
Husband anyone?
A Rubik's Cube with Hair
Last time I spoke about being single on this site I was inundated with feedback on the matter. I personally seem to go through cycles where my wife-less-ness is of greater or lesser interest to other people. For me, it's a non-issue but it seems that some people are always trying to figure me out. Apparently I'm some kind of complex human puzzle that needs to be solved. Or cured perhaps. Someone raises the subject with me at least once a week. Never smoked, never consumed alcohol, never been married = weird. At least once a week I hear something like "it's strange that someone in your position (my position?) isn't married." Okay, it's official; I'm strange. If not me, my situation.
Ticking the Boxes
But this article is not about my marital status, it's about pressure, standards, expectations and the unwritten rules. You know the rules. Living in Western Society there are certain boxes which (allegedly) need to be ticked if we're going to fit in and be seen as normal. The irony of normal being that while it's apparently desirable, it's not necessarily where happiness lives. In reality, some people's (version of) normal is actually what provides them with the most pain, frustration and grief. We think we want normal but perhaps what we really want is exceptional. Abnormal even. After all, take a look at society's normal and it ain't really that attractive. In fact, we could say that it looks kinda broke, a little chubby, somewhat unhealthy, not particularly happy and decidedly unfulfilled (miserable) with it's career.
2.3 Kids
Of course there are the accepted (expected maybe) social standards and behaviours; kind of like a life TO DO list. It's not always spoken of... but it exists. All the stuff us normal folk are meant to do over the course of our normal lives. Marriage (at least once), kids (2.3 of them), annual holidays (2-4 weeks, somewhere warm), buy a house (pay it off over two hundred years - can't go wrong with real estate), a sensible job (large firm, good conditions, something secure, potential for progression), weekly attendance at a house of worship (keeping in mind the eternal consequences of non-attendance)... you get the point. Of course there's nothing wrong (at all) with aspiring to marriage, a good career, financial success, a couple of rug rats or a respected place in the congregation or the after-life, but the problem lies in our (society's) consensual thinking that ticking these boxes automatically provides an individual with a better (more balanced, more fulfilled, more worthwhile, happier) life than the person who ticks zero (of those) boxes.
The Enormity of Conformity
On some level we all want to fit in, but it seems that in trying to blend in with the landscape of humanity we often lose our purpose, our individuality and our sense of self. We lose, or maybe never discover, the real us. The us we could be. Should be. Rather than exploring our potential, our talent, our curiosities and our passion, we become what's expected of us. We tick boxes. We keep parents happy. Bosses happy. We say the right things. Do the right things. We conform. We become another clone. And living in a world which so often punishes individuality, conformity is understandable. Sad, but understandable.
Rules Schmules
I often think about the impact that the great unspoken TO DO list has on our lives. The rules, the expectations, the pressure, the confusion, the embarrassment and even the shame of not conforming, not ticking all the boxes and not living up to society's standards or the expectations of others in our world. Some of us have spent far too much time, ticking way too many boxes. Perhaps it's time to stop.
Hi Guys, thanks for your well wishes. I'm getting better and doing my best not to infect the masses with my germs. But as you can imagine, my compulsion to hug Johnny is somewhat overwhelming. It's a constant battle. My throat still feels like hamburger and I'm still sounding like Barry White, but overall my energy level is picking up slowly. I've moved twice today! Anyway, enough sooking from me, enjoy your Tuesday... Oh yeah, I nearly forgot, the Bald Man just put up a video of one of my recent Channel Ten segments in the left side bar. Take a peek if you haven't seen it already. On with today's post... Pigeon Hole Construction 101
Have you ever noticed how we mere mortals have the capacity to pigeon hole ourselves into irrelevance, mediocrity, frustration, under-achievement and even misery? For a range of reasons, some of us arrive at a point (mentally and emotionally) where we build ourselves a boring and frustrating (but safeandfamiliar) pigeon hole to inhabit. And sadly, some of us spend our entire lives in there. Only inches away from greatness without really knowing it, believing it or exploring it. Never daring to put a toe outside our safe but ultimately debilitating and toxic sanctuary. While many are consciously and proactively creating their best lives, for some, life seems to happen to them, around them and in spite of them. They are spectators not players. Missing out on the best game of all.
The Value of Risk
At some point on our life journey, many of us decide who we are, how we are, what we are and what we can and can't do and then we build a box that looks just like that. Then we live in it. Forever. We create a practical existence to conform to our self-limiting beliefs and our fears and eventually our crappy mindset becomes our crappy reality out in the physical world. Our internal reality becomes our external reality. We waste our time, our talent, our potential and numerous opportunities by living in our pigeon hole. We spend a lifetime rationalizing, explaining and justifying what we're not doing with our lives and why we're staying in our respective holes. Sure we want the pot of gold (whatever that means for us personally) but we don't want the risk. The emotional risk. The mental risk. The financial risk. Any risk. We want safety and where the safety is... there ain't no rainbow and there definitely ain't no pot of gold at the end of it.
What Scares Us
There's no fun, joy, excitement or personal growth living in our pigeon hole but at least we know what to expect every day and that predictability and familiarity gives us a level of security and comfort; two things we love. Change, uncertainty and the unfamiliar scare the crap out of us. Interestingly, they are three things which also cause us to grow, learn, adapt and become better people. Pity we avoid them. Rats Up a Drainpipe
"Just ignore me, don't put any pressure on me, don't expect too much from me and whatever you do, don't ask me to get out of my pigeon hole Craig. I feel safe in here." While it's never an exciting place to be, the pigeon hole serves a purpose because when we're in there we don't need to take chances (we hate those), we don't have to make tough decisions (they terrify us) and we don't need to get uncomfortable (we don't do the discomfort thing). And when we do leave our hole on those rare occasions, it's because life (a situation, circumstance or event) has dragged us out of there kicking, protesting and screaming. And as we've always done, the vast majority of us will scamper back to the security of our holes like rats up a drainpipe as soon as possible.
"I could never run a marathon... I'm the chubby one, she's the athlete of the family"
"I could never write a book because I've don't have a creative bone in my body... just ask my mother"
"I could never speak to an audience... I'm the introvert of the family"
"I'm the problem child, the black sheep of the family... failure follows me around"
"I would love to start my own business but I'm too old... that's something a young person should do.."
"I'm too fat, too stupid, too ugly, too shy, too short, too tall, too uneducated, too unskilled, too busy....."
So what's it like in your pigeon hole... will you be moving out any time soon?
Share your thoughts by clicking on the comment thingy.
Hi Boys and Girls. Today's post is kinda long so you may wanna get a hot drink. Greetings from the sleepy bayside suburbs of Melbourne on your Monday morning. Hope your week is shaping up to be a ripper. Don't know what's going on with me but I woke up this morning (it's Sunday night as I write this) with a cracker of a headache, a throat which felt like it had been attacked by a cheese grater as I slept and an energy level of minus seven. For the bloke who doesn't get ill often, getting sick twice in a fortnight is kind of annoying (especially being the alpha-male warrior). I've spoken to my body about it but apparently, it's not listening. In fact, it has been doing the talking and setting the agenda today. And the agenda for most of today has been... the couch. With the occasional trip to the fridge. And a smattering of slumber.
I may have to re-listen to a few of my Deepak Chopra CD's... the ones where he teaches me to control my physical health and healing via my mind. I haven't quite nailed that yet. I'm trying. The human mind is an incredible thing. If only I knew how to use it properly. Sometimes my experience of the human mind (okay, my mind) has been like owning a Ferrari which will do 300kph (180mph) but constantly driving it around in first gear and never getting it above 60kph (35mph). So much un-used potential. So much un-used power. Such a waste. If only I could drive exotic cars!
To the people who came along to our informal mentoring session at the gym on Saturday morning (the ones who missed out on the competition), I apologise for giving you a seven out of ten. It was the first time I've actually run a session with a massive headache while feeling physically ill. It was hard to hear your questions over the banging pulse in my head! Literally. Anyway, it was nice to meet you all and to put faces to the names I see on my site. Make sure you take action on those things we spoke about, don't over-think, don't over-analyse, don't procrastinate (any more) and stop seeking approval. The only person you need permission from (to create your best life) is YOU. So get busy.
On with today's post...
The Girl from Victor Harbour
As you regular readers would know, last week I entertained (often literally) a guest; Jo Thomas from South Australia. Jo won our competition to spend a week being mentored and trained by me. Overall it was a great experience; lots of fun, lots of sweat, lots of conversation and we both learned plenty. What started out as being one hour per day with me, quickly turned into Jo spending up to four hours a day at my centre training, talking, observing and just hanging out with my pretty cool team of fitness professionals. She also dropped 3 kilo (6.6lb) along the way so that was pretty cool. Just being around inspired, passionate people puts us in a better place (mentally and emotionally). Just as hanging out with negative people can drag us down.
A Star is Born (with a small push)
It's amazing what spending time with motivated, supportive people who work in a positive culture and environment can do for a person. It's fair to say that Jo was in no hurry to leave Harper's after she finished her sessions. She met some great people, did some gut-busting workouts, improved her knowledge and understanding, and learned a whole bunch about herself. On Saturday she came to one of my radio shows and I interviewed her on-air about her experience over the week and her incredible weight loss so far this year (45kgs/99lbs). She wasn't too excited about making her radio debut but with a little coaching from me, she pulled it off beautifully. The conversation went something like this:
(At this stage Jo thought she was sitting in the studio to observe for two hours. She was wearing headphones - to hear the show - and was sitting in front of a microphone that wasn't turned on. Until this chat during a song.)
CH: "How would you like me interview about your weight-loss journey?" JT: "No thanks" CH: "Okay (ignoring her), we're back on air in sixty seconds... keep your mouth about an inch from the microphone, speak clearly and just pretend it's just you and I chatting" JT: (terror and disbelief on face) "er... but" CH: "Thirty seconds... fifteen seconds... five seconds..."
And she did it. Very well. And was glad she did. It's amazing what we can do when we don't over-think things isn't it? And what we can do when we stop our mind from getting in the way of our possibilities and our potential. And when we don't have to time to find an excuse or conceive an escape plan. Or talk ourselves into failure. Again. When we have to... we just find a way. Jo will be talking about when she was interviewed on radio for the next twenty years. And just think how close she was to letting fear rob her of that very cool experience.
Jo's Report
During the week I asked Jo to write a few words about her time here in Melbourne. A lot of you seemed to be interested in the process from Jo's side. Having just read her report for the first time (five minutes ago), I will say that I am slightly embarrassed (but flattered) by what Jo had to say. In asking her to write an account of her week, I had no expectations and my only instruction was that she would be honest about her experience. I gave absolutely no directives about what to write and it hasn't been edited at all (so don't blame me if it sounds like a PR exercise for me or my business!). Anyway, here it is; Jo's report...
Good Grief, a week with Craig Harper - By Jo Thomas
A lot of people have asked me what the highlight of my trip to Melbourne has been and the answer is easy - Craig Harper! But before I rave on about that let me rave on about my week here at the Harperdome. I accept full responsibility for making (possibly) the worst first impression ever on Monday morning (walking in with a caffeine drink and smelling like cigarettes) but I guess it's a great indication of where I was at in my life. When I entered the competition I only had one goal in mind when I begged to be given this phenomenal prize and for whatever weird reason I had convinced myself that only Mr. Harper could help me.
I have smoked for 25+ years (yes, minus 3 pregnancies) and I had some very strong self-limiting beliefs about my ability to give it up. Not totally baseless beliefs, because I had failed about a million times. As you know, that got sorted quick smart but that only left room in my head for me to recognise that I had some other "issues" needing attention.
Figuring that my diet and exercise were pretty excellent because I had managed to consistently lose weight for seven(ish) months, I arrived thinking I wouldn't need much help in that department. However I did mention to Craig at my initial assessment that my shrinking measurements had slowed right down and that was a making me a bit unhappy. I have learnt so much about exercise and diet this week, especially exercise.
Although I had already made exercise a habit at home, I basically did what I was comfortable with and didn't push myself very hard. Craig and the fabulous team at Harper's have shown me new exercises and shared new information that will allow me to reach my goals quicker and more efficiently. Craig has shown me the immense benefits of getting a little uncomfortable with my cardio, and they are immense. After slowing down to losing about 7 cms off my entire body last month, I reckon I've lost at least that this week. I haven't measured but I did nearly lose my tight jeans when I reached up high for something yesterday.
This week has included a couple of hours of cardio a day and weights on alternate days. The workouts have been fantastic and varied, including my favourite, the lovely Craig dumping me on the side of the road 5kms away from my car. Before you think Craig is mean, he did give me $10 and his mobile number in case I got in trouble, very thoughtful, and it was a beautiful day and a gorgeous walk.
Yesterday I tried boxing, which is so cool and so fun on so many levels that when I finished my session I immediately SMS'd hubby back home to hang up the punching bag we have collecting dust in the garage. The boxing session nearly killed me but I would have died happy if it had (thanks Fiona). Thanks to Cherie who taught me how to switch off from life and get some perspective and thanks to Mick for introducing me to the StairMaster.
The workouts have been challenging at times but that's exactly what I signed up for and the results far, far, far outweigh the challenges. Example? Stairmaster - is it fun? No it is NOT. Does it work? Bloody oath and I'd rather be slightly bored and slightly uncomfortable for 15 minutes on the rotten thing than have a flabby backside forever.
I also had a great week of mentoring and advice from an absolutely amazing human being, more on that in a moment, but first let me tell you about his home away from home.
Harper's might be hard to find when you are from out of town and the GPS function on your GPS unit is switched off, but if you get there, it is so worth it. Personally, I have never been in a building that contains so many wonderful, friendly, caring, positive people before. It's not just Craig, all the wonderful employees there exude a positive vibe that is totally genuine and really uplifting. I trained with a few different trainers and met quite a few others and everyone was encouraging and friendly and made me feel that my success was their goal as much as it was mine.
If you live in Melbourne and you are not being trained at Harper's then stop reading this for a minute and go make a phone call. Honestly, I just can't stress enough how amazing this place is. Just the ambiance alone is enough to motivate you beyond your wildest dreams. Every day they transform people into fitter and happier versions of themselves and the trainers think they are the ones getting the good deal. I am only sorry that I can't articulate this as well as some could but just trust me here and get your butt down there - you'll see what I'm rambling about as soon as you walk through the door.
The best bit of this week for me has been the mentoring by Craig. Not trying to take anything away from the fabulous training I have received, but the "pep-talks" have been my personal highlight. I guess the thing with Craig is that what he has said to me this week has sometimes been a little hard for me to hear and always makes me feel a bit stupid for not "getting it" straight away, but they work (to the extreme) and I will miss them more than oxygen when I head back home this weekend.
Don't misunderstand - I know I have to do the work and I have to make the changes to my life, Craig can't do that for me, only I can do that, but I arrived Monday very confused and tired and leave tomorrow totally inspired with a road map to help take my life to where I want it to be next month, next year, next decade - who could ask for more? If I had won lotto instead of this competition, it would have way less positive effect on my life, my family and my future.
Craig is an absolute inspiration. He is generous, kind, compassionate, articulate, charming, gorgeous both inside and out. I am a person who has some serious trust issues, Craig has such genuine integrity that after knowing him for only a week I would trust him with my life without hesitation (a big thing for me). I reckon Craig thinks I've been a bit cagey with information this week, which is true, I'm a talker but not a sharer, but what he doesn't know is I have revealed things to him I've never told a soul.
What have I learned from my week here in a nutshell?
I only have limited energy resources so it benefits everybody (including me) to spend my energy wisely and not waste emotional energy on petty, pointless stuff or stuff that I can't change. I need to look forward at the person I am creating and not backwards at the person I was. Self limiting beliefs are totally crippling. My past is not necessarily an indication of my potential or what's possible for me. My history doesn't have to equal my future.
Although I need to spend some time planning my life to make it the way I want, I need to also DO stuff not just think about it and create the self discipline to do it consistently. I am the problem and I am the solution. It is worth getting a little uncomfortable to create the body and life I want.
Where to from here for me?
I guess without filling 3 more pages, what I need to do is start making my new behaviours into habits and creating the consistency that will get me through the times where motivation isn't freely available to me. It is easy to be motivated here at Harper's because it's a motivational place, but since I can't access that I need to put into place some non-negotiable behaviours that will keep me on track on the "not so great" days. I need to stop labelling myself with limiting titles. I can be an awesome mum without it defining me totally and that won't make me selfish, just complete, which is good for everyone, including the kids. Practically, I need to eat right, exercise more and look after myself better (eg. sleep habits) and I need to do these things with or without the approval of my family, friends and peers. I need to stay accountable to myself and drop another 20kgs by Christmas this year. I need to find people to support my journey through life in a positive and encouraging way and most importantly, like the ad says, I need to JUST DO IT!
Thank you Craig and all the fantastic staff at Harper's for an unforgettable week. Thanks Craig for your patience with all my questions and blonde moments.
You're very welcome Jo, I look forward to being part of your cheer squad for the next few decades and I'm excited about watching your story unfold. And to Tim (the uber-husband), thanks for taking a week off work, for being Mr. Mum for six days and for being selfless, supportive and generous. I know plenty of blokes who wouldn't do what you did. Well done.
Have a great day everyone and I'll see you tomorrow. So to speak.
Feel free to share a thought or comment by clicking on the comment thingy.
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