This site is the website of motivational speaker Craig Harper. A constantly updated, one-stop information, inspiration, education and motivation station. Unlike many similar sites, it is a totally free resource for anyone who is serious about moving from mediocre to amazing in any area of their personal or professional life. With hundreds of articles covering a wide range of subject matter, great interviews with cool people and inspirational video posts, there's more than enough brain-food to keep you busy for hours. Okay, days!! Enjoy.
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Hi Guys. Well, the week is drawing to a close for Jo our competition winner from South Australia and she's doing incredibly well. I couldn't have asked for a better student or a better attitude. Honestly. Not just saying that because it sounds appropriate. I'm writing this Thursday night so she has one more day of me to survive. Apart from hanging out and working out with me, Jo has been training with, chatting with and spending time with my awesome team of trainers. This morning she spoke with Annie, did some boxing with Fiona and last night she did a strength session with Cherie (who also happens to be a world-class mountaineer). It's great for Jo to spend time with other positive, passionate and empowered women who are all about her age, if not, older. And the blokes of course (see below with Phil).
I Love Work
Yesterday we trained at the beach. Well, Jo did. I watched. Enthusiastically. And gave orders. That's what we coaches do... coach. An hour of soft sand walking, a little jogging, some ramp running, some stair walking and a lot of spectating by me. I love work. I could watch it all day. Her total training time yesterday was about two hours. No exhaustion, no injuries and no complaints. Nice. Lights, Camera, Action
Today was interesting for Jo because she had her first TV experience, met a real live TV producer and chatted with the camera guys, the lighting guys and the sound guys. All fun stuff. I interviewed a woman for my segment on Channel Ten next week. The lady I spoke with has an incredible (and I mean incredible) story of surviving against the odds. She has endured seven types of cancer and been told by the experts that she has only months to live on several occasions. She has also endured more abuse (physical, sexual and emotional) than any person I've ever met. And I've met a few. Her story is both tragic and uplifting. It will screen on the 9AM show nationally next Wednesday.
The One Woman Workshop
Earlier tonight Jo and I went into the lecture theatre (at my gym) and I conducted a personal workshop just for her, complete with white board, flow charts, diagrams and an abundance of information. She even took notes! I think in the last day or so that switch has flicked on in Jo's brain. She is finally starting to understand that getting in shape (and staying that way) ain't really about her body after all. We have had several deep and meaningful (chats) over the last few days and despite the brain over-load (her description), I can see that we're making real progress. Today's training was another two hours (or so) of varied cardio split over two sessions.
Zzzzz.....
I apologise for the brevity of this post but it's late, I'm spent and I'm giving a presentation to a hundred corporates first thing tomorrow morning so I best get my beauty sleep and recharge my depleted batteries. As I type these words my body is screaming at me to go to bed so I best pay attention as it knows what I need.
Monday will be a comprehensive report on the week with Jo.
Giving the Jo story a break today. Overall, she's doing great. Things are happening both physically and psychologically for her. There will be another detailed update on her progress tomorrow. For those of you who entered but didn't win the comp (i.e. everyone but Jo!), don't forget I am doing a free mentoring session / workshop for anyone who can make it to my Brighton centre at 11.00 a.m. this Saturday. If you're not booked in give Johnny a call during business hours on (03) 9553 8857 or email him here.
The External Saboteur
Something's bugging me today. In fact this something has bugged me for a while but the last few weeks it has become increasingly obvious to me that virtually all of us face similar challenges in one area of the creating-our-best-life process; support, encouragement and understanding from others. Or the lack thereof. You've heard me speak many times about the internal saboteur and our propensity to get in our own way (we all do that), well today I want to talk about the external saboteur; people who (for a range of reasons) aren't really happy to see you succeed, achieve your goals, realise your potential or live your dreams. I could spend an hour or two telling you why they do this (jealousy, resentment, immaturity, revenge, insecurity, thoughtlessness, selfishness, stupidity), but I'd like to focus on a solution for you, rather than explore their motives and mindset.
How Dare You Succeed
You and I both know these people. Sometimes we live with these people. Work with these people. Socialize with these people. Care for these people. Even marry these people (shock, horror). Sometimes he/she is the last person anyone would suspect of standing between you and your dreams. Your ambition and drive bothers them because somehow they have created an association (in their mind) between your success and some kind of negative outcome or effect in their world. They say they care about you (and maybe on a level they do) but in truth, your happiness and success come a distant second to their needs and wants.
Human Speed Humps
You might be amazed at the number of people who become quite emotional (bawl their eyes out) when I talk with them simply because I show them more support, encouragement and belief in one hour than their family or close friends (I use that term loosely) have shown them in a lifetime. These external saboteurs are human speed humps determined to slow you down, if not, bring you to a grinding halt. They are not the reason we fail but if we don't deal with them in a practical, realistic and possibly blunt manner, then we are letting them steer our ship, shape our reality and limit our potential.
Some thoughts...
1. Get them out of your life. Obviously this is not always possible, desirable, necessary or practical, however there comes a time, in some situations, with some relationships and some people, where the best option is to remove them from your day to day life. I know you know what I mean by this because we've all had that person in our life. I have walked away from several relationships over the years because I believed that's what would be best for me in the long term. And it was. If people aren't happy for you to succeed, then they ain't your friend and you don't need or want them in your world. If you want to know what (some) people really think, ignore ninety percent of what they say and watch one hundred percent of what they do.
2. Spend limited time with them. Obviously there are certain people who will (probably) always be in our life (family for example) but sadly, they are also often the people who potentially stand between where we are now, and where we want to be (if we let them have that power). Some parents (not mine) have never told their children how talented, creative, clever, capable, valued or loved they are. They have never encouraged or supported them because they want to retain power and control in that very lop-sided, unhealthy relationship. I know forty year-olds who are still seeking parental approval and still handing over their power to dear old mum (mom) and dad. Tragic.
3. Tell them what you feel. Sometimes a simple and honest discussion will change a situation or a relationship almost instantly. Give the person clear, specific, relevant and meaningful feedback. Don't be vague, general or fluffy. Tell them exactly what you're feeling and why. A little short-term pain for some long-term gain. If you don't take charge of your life, someone else will.
4. Get some balls. Not literally of course. Sometimes we simply need to stand up for ourselves and stop being the victim, the doormat, the scapegoat, the people pleaser and the personal slave. Make some decisions about your personal rules, values and standards and then build your best life around those. Stop compromising and start living.
5. Be (very) selective about who you share your dreams with. For all of my adult life I have been a highly motivated, driven and ambitious person. By choice. Not particularly gifted but always striving to get the most out of my body, my career, my relationships and my potential; to maximize what I have. Several experiences early on taught me not to be overly enthusiastic about sharing my life goals and dreams with too many people. I learned to be selective and discerning about who I share my dreams with. When I established my first commercial business as a twenty four year-old with zero business experience and minimal skills, I encountered far more resentment, resistance and criticism than I ever did support or encouragement. The people who were genuinely and unconditionally happy for me to succeed were few and far between. By the way, this is not a woe-is-me story, but rather an honest account of my experience and I am not alone with a story like this. I have a few select people in my world, who will encourage and support me when it's warranted and kick me in the ass when necessary. And I need both. I trust them, appreciate them and value their input in my life.
So instead of slowing down for the speed humps or going around them today, perhaps it's time for you to change down a gear, hit the gas and drive straight over them.
Two days down and my student Jo is doing well. No cigarettes, no caffeine drinks, no tantrums, no junk food, no attitude problems, no injuries and no excuses. I'm Lovin' that. She's going great. Last night I gave her two options for today:
1. Meet me at the gym (see left) at six this morning (I'm writing this Tuesday night) and come in to the city and hang out while I do one of my radio gigs (Gold FM) and then we would return to the gym and train at about seven thirty or...
2. Have some extra sleep and meet me at the gym at seven thirty for a workout.
Mobile Mentoring
Knowing that she had only two hours sleep the night before I knew she would go for option two; the late start. She didn't. She's hard core. Possibly weird. I like that. So we headed into the city at six this morning for Jo's first radio experience; a little FM love. The half hour trip each way meant that today's mentoring session was a mobile one. What a productive use of time that was. Maybe I could make a business out of that concept... "Craig's mobile mentoring.." I'll drop by your house, pick you up, we'll chat for a while and I'll then deposit you back on your door step with a new attitude and life strategy... easy peasy. Or not. Jo got to meet the very talented and generous Grubby and Dee Dee and watched me do my best to motivate the masses to a better life. Today we spoke about self-sabotage (essentially Monday's post) and it seemed to hit the mark with a few people (I always get emails following a segment or a show).
Smoking
On the way back from the city we had an interesting chat about smoking. Jo was worried that once she's back into her normal environment she might not be able to do the no-cigarette thing over the long term. She wasn't sure if she would be able to maintain what she had begun once she steps back into her regular life and situation. The life with the husband who smokes (and no, it's not about Tim, it's about Jo). A reasonable concern to have. Out of curiosity, I asked her what she did (about smoking) when she was pregnant with her three kids.
"I didn't smoke at all" was the reply.
If Only She was Always Pregnant
So the woman who doesn't know if she can last a fortnight has actually gone without a single cigarette for a total of twenty seven months (three times nine) over the last seven years because she had too. Amazing what we can do when we make something non-negotiable isn't it? So obviously the ability to stop smoking is there... now all we need is the mindset and the commitment to wrap around that potential, to make it a forever thing not a pregnancy thing. The last three times she stopped smoking she always intended to take it up again post pregnancy. And she did. What a waste of potential. And lungs. And health. No it won't necessarily be easy to give up Jo, but yes it is very possible. So let's focus on what's possible. Let's find a way. And let's not talk ourselves into hard. Sound familiar?
What I like about my student is that she is making the most of her time with me. It's not a holiday; it's all about re-invention, learning and improvement. She seriously wants to change her body and her life and has a thousand questions for me. By Friday she'll know more than me. I'm a little insecure about that.
I'm Comfortable!
So we got back to the gym at seven thirty (after our mobile mentoring) and did a brief (but intense) interval training session on the bike (30 mins). Then we jumped back in the car and took a nice drive along the beach. Well, nice for me. Not so much for Jo. She was loving the scenery and the whole relaxing drive thing right up to the point where I made her get out of the car and walk the five kilometres back. Oh well Jo, look on the bright side, I was comfortable and as we all know... it's all about Craig.
She completed her five kilometre walk and was given the option of coming into the gym this afternoon... or taking the rest of the day off and seeing me tomorrow. Of course she came back. The woman is in the zone. She completed another hour of low(ish) intensity cardio on the bike, treadmill and grinder. Not exciting but effective... and that's what we're after. Sometimes it ain't about fun or excitement, it's simply about doing what needs to be done and that's where we're at with Jo. Today she spent the best part of two and a half hours exercising.
The Miracle Man. Not.
What amuses me about this whole process with Jo is how many people think that spending a week with me will 'fix' all of her problems/challenges/issues. As I've said many times before, I'm not the answer; I'm a resource in a big (and on-going) process. The only person who can change Jo is Jo, and the sooner she takes complete responsibility for all of the results she produces (and doesn't produce) in her world (via her choices and actions), the sooner she'll see genuine transformation. Both internally and externally. My goal is to educate and empower people, not to make them (in any way) dependant on me. By the way, there's a fair chance that I won't reverse twenty (thirty) years of bad behaviours and destructive thinking by this Friday. I'm good but not that good.
Overall, things are going well for our competition winner. I am happy with her attitude and her application. I truly believe that this week will be the start of a new-and-improved life for Jo... I can feel it in my bones.
How are you going with your transformation? Are you doing different to create different. Or are you still thinking about it?
A few weeks ago we ran a competition here on me-dot-com and invited people to write in and tell us in one hundred and fifty words or less why they should win a week with me. That is, five days of training (the physical stuff) and mentoring (the head stuff) with yours truly at the Harperdome here in the thriving bayside metropolis of Brighton, Victoria. So after reading through the hundred (or so) entries Miss Bossy Boots (Vive) and The Bald Man (Johnny) chose the very lovely Jo Thomas all the way from rural South Australia to be Craigified for the week.
Well, today's the day (I'm writing this Monday night) and Jo landed at Harper's (my gym) this morning fresh off the plane from Adelaide. Er, kind of fresh. In order for this week to be valuable and productive for both Jo as the student, and you as a reader following the story, I have made the decision to be completely open, brutally honest (there's a shock) and transparent with these daily reports about Jo's journey; the highs and the lows, the good stuff and the not-so-good. Not that I'm given to lying anyway, but it would be quite easy to leave out certain things, to make this a better 'story'. But knowing you as I do, I'm sure you're after reality, not a story.
Is That Cigarettes I Smell?
So my champion-in-the-making arrived at the gym an hour late. Apparently not her fault. Something to do with the airline and the faulty Satellite Navigation in the hire car. Sure. She walked through the door and I gave her the obligatory Craig hug, which would have been a positive experience had she not been holding a can of V (a caffeine drink) and smelling like an ashtray. Just what any finely-tuned athlete needs before a workout with me; a cigarette and a shit-load of caffeine and sugar. So as you might have guessed, Jo had her first 'education session' thirty seconds into our relationship. She took it on the chin and is off nicotine and caffeine drinks for this week, and if all goes according to plan, forever.
The Intial Chat
So we headed into the assessment room for a chat, a little mentoring and a few measurements. Jo is married to Tim, has three awesome kids, Charlotte (3), Catrina (4) and Ella (6) and is a domestic engineer. At thirty seven, 5'5" and 97.5 kilos (214.5 lbs) she has room for improvement. I was informed that she wants to lose weight everywhere except from her... er... aaah... chest. Apparently it comes in handy in some situations. Don't even ask. I didn't.
To her credit, she has lost an amazing 43 kilos since Christmas but the last month or so has seen things come to a grinding halt in the weight-loss department. I discovered that she still smokes ten cigarettes each day, has a reasonable fitness level (for a smoker who weighs over 200 lbs), has a few crappy beliefs, a little self-doubt (don't we all), is mildly petrified of me (ridiculous) and overall has a pretty good mindset. I explained to Jo that the process with me isn't really about what happens this week but rather setting herself up for the rest of her life. Different attitude, behaviours and habits - forever. This week can be a springboard to her best body and if she chooses, a catalyst for that amazingexistence.
The Workout
This morning's session was short and sweet. Fifty minutes of cardio; thirty on the bike (70 - 80 rpm, moderate resistance) and twenty on the treadmill (walking at 6kph). Enough to crack a sweat (see photo). Tonight we lifted some weights (upper body) for about forty five minutes and I wasn't really surprised to discover that Jo is quite strong. Hauling a 140 kilo (308 lb) body around for years will do that to you! Following her weights, Jo completed another twenty minutes on the grinder (arm bike), taking her daily cardio total up to seventy minutes; not bad for a girl who got up at two o'clock this morning. Well done Jo. I am purposely avoiding getting her to do too much weight-bearing stuff because I want her to see out the week without getting injured or exhausted.
The Plan
With a little guidance from me, Jo has set a goal to weigh 75 kilos by Christmas - a loss of a further 22.5 kilos. I know this is very possible for her, so that's our mission. My plan with the exercise is to see how Jo's body responds day to day and to make decisions as we go. For now I'm wanting her to do two sessions every day but time will tell if that's what actually eventuates. The workouts will be a mix of cardio, strength and flexibility with a heavier emphasis on low to moderate intensity cardio because that's what her body needs. We've had the food chat and Jo is filling out a food and lifestyle diary from today. In this she will detail everything she does which will have some bearing on the final result; food, water, sleep, workouts and supplements. Of course we're not going to create incredible results in five days (and that's not my goal) but hopefully we'll set her up for the rest of her life. A little tweaking and re-programming and who knows what might happen to the country girl from over the border....
So day one is done and dusted and we've had no tantrum, no tears and no injuries; a good start. Today (Tuesday) she's in for a surprise. It won't be fun... but it will be effective. I'll tell you about it tomorrow.
So today is the day that our competition winner Jo Thomas hits town for five days of fun and frivolity with me. Is that a prize or a punishment? I guess it's a matter of perspective isn't it? Imagine leaving your husband and kids behind and putting your life on hold to fly across the country for a week of Craigification. Scary. Jo will be arriving at the gym (straight from the airport) at about 9 am so I will have my party dress on and be on my best behaviour. For five minutes at least. Session one will be a chat, an assessment, a little goal setting, some mentoring and of course, a workout. Tomorrow will be our first report on project Jo, so stay tuned.
On with today's post....
Are you the perpetual self-saboteur? Do you have a history of finding new and creative ways to shoot yourself in the foot when it comes to your own dreams and goals? Is the only thing standing between you and success... you?
If you're like many people, then you have probably spent a great deal of your life getting in your own way. Sure there are lots of variables in the creating-our-best-life process but when we're completely honest and realistic about it, we have to acknowledge that we (you, me) are still our biggest challenges. I managed to talk (and behave) myself into mediocrity for years. Yep, some of us have an amazing talent for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. For almost succeeding. For almost getting the job done. And for finding our way back to the place we don't want to be.
So, how do we overcome ourselves? How do we stop getting in our own way? Here's a few suggestions...
1. Apply what you know. How many people visit sites like this, read articles like this, nod in agreement as they read, identify with what's written (because they are essentially reading about themselves) and then do nothing (zero, zip, nada) with the information? The majority, that's how many. Is this negativity on my behalf? Nope, it's reality. We know what to do, but we don't do what we know. We're more informed and more educated than ever, yet take a look at how we live our lives and you'd be forgiven for thinking we've never been so stupid. If I could somehow manage to write the most motivational, inspirational, educational and insightful article of all time (let's just pretend), what percentage of readers would take that information, consistently and methodically apply it, and create lasting change in their world as a result? Sadly, not many. Creating change in our life ain't about what we read... it's about what we do with what we read. And many of us don't do much. I can tell you what to do, when to do it, how to do it and why you should do it... but only you can change your life. Creating change in your world is not about how well I write, it's about how well you DO. I can write until my hand falls off but the only life I can change is mine. I can influence you, encourage you, educate you, support you and coach you but the only person who can determine success or failure for you... is you.
2. Be solution focused. Some of us are so immersed (practically, mentally, emotionally) in our challenges and hurdles that we become completely problem-focused, if not, problem-obsessed. We get ourselves into a place (emotionally) where we are not even consciously and proactively working towards a solution because we are all about the problem. A consequence of this mentality is that we'll wake up in five years and we'll still be living the same miserable existence because we've done nothing practically to change it. Other than complain, feel sorry for ourselves and seek sympathy of course.
3. Stop being a people pleaser. As I've said before, it's nice to be nice, but it's not nice to be a doormat or a personal slave. Sometimes in our desire to be liked, loved, needed, wanted and valued, we lose us. Or part of us. Stop compromising your values, your goals and your needs. It's one thing to be kind and considerate, it's another to be used and abused.
4. Finish what you start. How many endeavours and projects have you not finished? If you're like the majority then the answer is... plenty. For most people, when the excitement and enthusiasm drop off, so does the commitment to the new behaviours. That's why success is about discipline, self-control, organisation and accountability (not sexy I know), not some temporary burst of excitement and motivation. Long-term success ain't about excitement for the next four weeks, it's about what you do over the next four decades. Unless of course, you only plan on living for four weeks.
5. Stop playing the blame game. Some of us love playing the blame game because it helps us avoid personal responsibility and accountability for just a little bit longer. We love to get mad at someone or something else; it makes us feel better about our crappy existence and what we're not doing in our life and not doing with our potential. For a minute. Sometimes people even get mad at me for what I write. And of course getting mad at me will fix everything and make the world a better place. If you're serious about creating your best life, the blame game is something you don't wanna play.
6. Stop thinking! I know this sounds a little contradictory and irresponsible, but some of us spend our lives over-thinking and under-doing (is that a term?). You know what I mean. Some of us are world-champion thinkers. And procrastinators.
7. Don't let your past, determine your future. Too many of us base our expectations for the future on our past. Sadly, we let our history determine our beliefs and thinking about what's possible and likely for our future. What we have or haven't achieved to this point in time is often not indicative of our potential. At all.
8. Change your attitude. Yes I talk about attitude a lot but how can I not mention it when I'm exploring this topic? Of course changing our attitude is easier said than done... but it is very possible when we consciously work at it. We know that when it comes to the type of results we're producing in our world, attitude plays a much bigger role than potential, genetics, opportunities or luck. And it's the one thing we have complete control of. Make a decision to have a productive, positive day and it might just happen.
Or... you could keep doing nothing, stay in that holding pattern and waiting for the mythical, magical right time.
Never Quite There Have you ever noticed how some people are never happy with how they look? Doesn't matter how fit, how lean, how muscular or how shapely they are, it seems they always need to be just a little leaner or lighter. And if they're a bloke, probably a little bigger in the gun department. Here's a statement you won't hear too often "yep, really happy with how I look at the moment, don't wanna change a thing." Not gonna happen.
The Fat/Happiness Correlation
Of course we all understand that there's a undeniable relationship between low body-fat and happiness, so it's no wonder that so many are hell-bent on being just a little trimmer. Allegedly some people are only a few kilos of weight and a few percent of that nasty-ass fat away from nirvana. And if a body-fat level of twelve percent will make us mildly happy (apparently it does), then eight percent must make us uncontrollably delirious. Imagine if we could get to five!
Yes it sounds ridiculous but it's actually how some people think. And more than you might imagine. I am constantly talking to people who have healthy, fit, strong, lean, functional bodies... which they are unhappy with. A once healthy pursuit has become an unhealthy obsession. They have lost perspective. This is the point where focusing on exercise and diet moves from being a positive to a negative. Discipline (in control); good. Obsession (out of control); bad. Wanting to be in shape is healthy. Intelligent even. But obsessing about one or two kilos or two or three percent... stupid and unhealthy. Destructive.
Some of us need to re-allocate some time and energy away from the body obsession and invest a little into our emotional and psychological health. Despite what some people would tell you, killer abs and skinny legs don't necessarily equate to happiness, contentment, inner peace, self-esteem or enlightenment. In fact, I could be somewhat controversial and tell you that some of the most attractive people with the most amazing bodies... are often the most insecure and emotionally fragile people you could meet. I know, I've worked with them.
As long as we continue to strive for love, approval, acceptance and significance via our body, then we'll continue to set ourselves up for failure and pain over the long term. And as long as our self esteem, our sense of self worth and our identity comes from how we look, we'll always be insecure.
When will (some) people realise that our body is not who we are, it's just where we live?
For some strange reason people seem to take an interest in what I do with my own exercise and nutrition and where the ex-fat kid (me) is currently up to in terms of his own health/fitness/training progress. I get lots of emails from people who want to know how I eat, train and live; how I manage my body. Being as I'm a forty four year-old, non-athlete with very ordinary genetics, the level of interest in what I do to my body and how I do it, often surprises me. However, being as I write about this stuff for a living, I do understand people's natural curiosity to see if I put all that theory into practice. Is this stuff a reality in my life, or am I simply a beer-swilling, chain-smoking, donut-addicted, lazy fraud who happens to have a little knowledge and write okay? By the way, who is that guy in the Diesel shirt top left on the home page?
My Training Now
Well, right now I'm in a lifting-heavy-things phase. Some people like to call it weight training! I tend to go through phases with my training where I focus more (or less) on different components of fitness and enjoy some things more than others. My approach to my own workouts is not always highly scientific or strategic... but I'm always consistent (where most people fail). In the last twenty years, the longest I have gone without any kind of workout would be a week. I haven't run for the last eight weeks and as a result I have put on a few kilos but thankfully have managed to drop a little body-fat at the same time. So I've gained a little muscle. At the moment my cardio comes in the form of three to four bike rides each week on my new Cannondale, chick-pulling, black stealth... weapon. When I'm out on that, I'm about thirty percent sexier. Hard to believe, I know. Stop laughing. I'm serious. In fact, it's not really fair to the other (male) bike riders of the world who don't have one. I'd show you a photo of me on it right now but you'd lose focus. And we wouldn't want that would we?
My Exercise Philosophy
My overall exercise philosophy is to be consistent over my life-time. And I am. Whether I'm lifting huge weights, moderate weights, high reps, low reps, three days or five days a week, doesn't really matter over the long term. What matters is that I don't spend my life starting various exercise programs that I never maintain. Over the last two months I have increased my gym sessions to lifting weights four or five days per week and for the moment, I'm seeing results and enjoying the ride. My cardio 'rule' is that I do something a minimum of three days per week for a minimum of thirty minutes each time. Every week of my life. Sometimes it's easy, sometimes it's more intense but I never do the same thing, the same way for too long; my body doesn't like it, either does my mind. Sometimes (often in summer) I go through phases where I will do less weights (2-3 per week) and more cardio (5-7 per week). As long as I'm relatively fit, strong and functional, it doesn't matter too much how I break it up. I could be in shape at 85 kgs (187 lbs) or 95 kgs (209 lbs); depending how much muscle I'm carrying, how I'm training and how I'm managing my diet. I could also be out of shape (fat) at 90 kgs (198 lbs). As I write this, I weigh 93 kgs (205 lbs) at about 15% body-fat (not amazing but not too bad for a middle-aged endomorph).
Stretching
Part of me wants to tell you that I stretch every day for thirty minutes and that I've pretty much nailed the side and front splits. However, I would be lying. A lot. I should stretch more. A lot more. I stretched in the eighties. Twice. Didn't really enjoy it. Gotta be honest, it's the one aspect of training I personally neglect. Call me human. Call me flawed. Call me inflexible. Keep it between you and me. And I'm not totally sure, but there could be a correlation between my lack of stretching and the violin strings that run from my hips to my ankles. As a rule, I'd rather poke myself in the eye with a steak knife than stretch but I know; it's not about what I enjoy, it's about what I need. I'll keep you updated on my side splits progress. Don't hold your breath. I guess the good thing is that not too many people die from tight hamstrings.
There I go again, trying to make myself feel better and justify my irresponsible behaviour.
Diet
Over the years diet has always been my biggest challenge. I walk pass a donut and my ass gets bigger. It's true. I was born to eat. I am gifted at it. If there was an Olympics for eating, I would be Michael Phelps. A big, fat, ugly, middle-aged Michael Phelps. I could backstroke in calories! Over the years I have had to manage my eating pretty well, otherwise I would end up looking like Tony Soprano within a week. For me that essentially means no junk and controlled portions. I might allow myself to bend the rules once a month or so - usually in the form of cheesecake. Have I mentioned my cheesecake issues? Breakfast for me is usually porridge and bran, lunch a healthy sandwich (protein and salad) and dinner is usually a protein-based meal with some vegetables. As I'm baring my soul, I need to make one more confession; I have fruit issues. There, I said it. I don't eat enough fruit. Now, if there was a fruit that tasted like cheesecake... that, I would eat. In regards to alcohol, I don't drink it (never have), so that's a non-issue for me. While most blokes who are my size and train like I do need somewhere around 3,000 calories per day, I typically consume somewhere in the vicinity of 2,000 and do fine. I have the metabolism of ninety three year old man, so I need to be careful not to over-eat. The question I always ask myself before I put food in my mouth is "do I need it, or do I want it?"
Injuries
When I was a young, dumb bodybuilder I pretty much injured everything I own. Several times. Pick a muscle, I've torn it. Including tearing my pec off the bone while bench pressing. Yeah, that kinda hurt. In the early days there was a lot of enthusiasm and passion (okay, ego), but not much science or common sense in the training process. Put two immature, egomaniacal, twenty year-old blokes dripping with testosterone (me and my buddy) in the gym and you have a recipe for disaster. Thank goodness for maturity and education over time. These days I work around my numerous 'issues' and find a way to get the most out of my body without re-injuring it. Years of picking up weights from the gym floor has given me a less-than-desirable lower back. Those ten (or so) bulging discs probably haven't helped.
The Head Stuff
For me (and for most of us), my body has always been a reflection of where my head is at. If I'm in shape mentally, I'll be in shape physically. For the last decade or so, I have had certain non-negotiable behaviours and habits in my life that keep me doing what I need to do, to keep creating the results I want to see in my world. Sure I go through peaks and troughs (mentally and emotionally) as we all do, but ever since I had that computer on top of my shoulders re-programmed, the results have been much better!
Hope you're enjoying the mid-week hump, playing well with others and sharing your toys. Plenty going on in Harperland this week. No lesson today but a few little updates for you...
TV Not doing my normal Channel Ten gig this morning. I will be on tomorrow at 9.35 a.m. (ish) instead. Talking about bullies. Should be interesting.
Our Competition Winner Our competition winner (Jo Thomas) is flying over from S.A. next Monday to begin her week of fun with me. A little training, a little mentoring, a few laughs, some deep and meaningful dialogue, a few sore muscles and possibly some cheesecake (for me)... should make for a fun week. I will be writing daily updates on her progress, filming an interview with her (a video blog for you) and the Bald Man will be snapping some photos along the way. It will be interesting to watch Jo's story unfold.
Subject Matter I'm always open to your suggestions for areas/topics for me to explore via my writing here on the blog. It seems that some people (not all) almost feel brain overload from the constant stream of head stuff - motivation, education, psychology - that I churn out. With 50,000 (ish) readers each week I'm probably not gonna keep everyone happy but I'm open to ideas, feedback and suggestions. Maybe I could write a series for you girls called 'How to Operate a Man' - that could be helpful. Or dangerous. And then perhaps I could write one for the boys called 'How to Avoid Being Operated'. Yeah you're right; that could get messy.
Let me know your thoughts and have some fun today...
Unless you've been living under a rock, you may have noticed that there's a small sporting event going on at the moment over there in China. A little running, jumping, lifting, punching, tumbling and swimming by a few (thousand) athletic types. Apart from the fact that I subject my body to two weeks of sleep deprivation, the Olympics ranks right up there as one of my all-time fave things. So many stories. So much inspiration. So many examples of people maximising their talent, exploring their boundaries and overcoming adversity... and let's be completely honest, doing some pretty freaky shit.
Peaking
As an alleged exercise expert, motivator bloke and Olympic junkie, there are many parallels between life and sport that become apparent to me as I marvel at the uber-athletes doing their thing. Have you noticed how athletes seem to find a way to perform like they never have before at the right time, on the right day, in the right place? Some of them will never perform like that again. Ever. Of course there are many explanations for this, both psychological and physiological. In the world of sport science we call this peaking. That is, preparing and tuning a body to perform optimally on a given day or over a limited period of time.
The athletes show up to Beijing, do what they do, and then they go home. And then they de-tune. Mentally, emotionally and physically. A month after the Olympics many of the athletes we're watching right now will be very different specimens; fatter, slower, weaker and less focused. Decidedly less 'Olympian'. Why? Because they will stop doing what they were doing leading up to (and during) the games. They need some down time and/or a drop in intensity in order to recover and avoid burnout, injury and exhaustion.
We Ain't all Olympians
Unfortunately some of us non-Olympians seem to adopt the process of peaking with our own health and fitness endeavours. But not in a strategic, logical or athletic manner. That is, we spend a lifetime getting in and out of shape. We alternate between fit and fat. In the zone and off the rails. Disciplined and disinterested. Motivated and apathetic. We ignore logic and let our emotions dictate our behaviour. We start things that we know we won't maintain over the long term. We know what to do but don't do what we know. Not consistently anyway. We get in shape for events; weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, reunions and even summer (in search of the beach body). And then we get fat again.
From Fat to Fit... and Back to Fat
Years ago I trained a lady for a period of eight weeks leading up to her wedding. She lost about twelve kilos (26.5 lbs) during that time. Over the eight weeks I continually emphasised the need for her new pre-wedding behaviours to become life-long habits rather than some temporary phase. I knew my message was lost and realised that her intention was to peak for her wedding; look amazing on the day. And she did. On the designated day she looked beautiful and slim; just what she wanted. Two days after she returned from her honeymoon (a twelve day cruise) she came to see me. She walked through the door, saw me and started crying. She must have seen the look on my face. She looked like she had eaten her husband! I put her on the scales. She had gained nine kilos (20 lbs) in twelve days!! Quite the effort.
The Problem with Normal
So why did this happen? Well, the obvious explanation is that she simply stopped doing what worked (consistent exercise, quality nutrition, intelligent choices). She got on that boat and ate everything that wasn't nailed down and did zero exercise. That's the real-world, practical answer but in order for us to learn from her experience (and hopefully do different), we need to understand the psychology behind her behaviour. While she obviously changed her day to day behaviours for the eight weeks with me, what she hadn't changed was her attitude and thinking on a deeper level. Consciously she was behaving differently (to look good for her wedding) but subconsciously she couldn't wait for it all to be over, so she could go back to being 'normal'. Normal being too much food, too little movement and her unhealthy lifestyle. Simple.
In her mind, the pre-wedding regime with me was always going to be a temporary thing. She never actually intended to create life-long change, she just wanted to look awesome for those photos. And if life was a photo that would have been a good plan. But it isn't (a photo) and it wasn't (a good plan). She was peaking for her Olympics. Which just happened to be in a pretty white dress.
Maybe some of us need to stop getting in shape for events and start getting in shape for life.
Just a thought.
Share your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy (below).
And don't forget my upcoming workshopskicking off in Perth on September 14, followed by Adelaide, Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne. I look forward to meeting those of you who can make it along.
We know that our decisions determine our behaviours, which in turn determine what kind of results we're producing in our world. We also know that when it comes to addressing the big stuff in our life, sometimes we'd rather not make a decision, than make one. Making a (significant) decision often means dealing with those things which will make us uncomfortable, fearful and/or vulnerable; all the things we do our best to avoid. This can be something of a dilemma because on the one hand, we want to produce amazing results in our world but at the same time, we tend to gravitate towards familiarity, comfort and safety - all the things that don't produce positive change and aren't consistent with personal growth.
Choosing not to Choose
The simple truth is that by not making a decision, we are making a decision. We are choosing to do nothing. Choosing to put our head in the sand. Choosing to live a reactive rather than proactive existence. People who don't make decisions until they are forced to (via a situation, circumstance or event) have chosen (consciously or not) to live a reactive life. And a reactive life is like a ship without a rudder. Floating but not steering. Not consciously or proactively moving towards a destination. Just being pushed and shoved by its environment. And eventually, crashing on the rocks and sinking.
Any Moment Now...
Of course, we're always about to make some kind of reality-altering decision. Always at the threshold of something spectacular... but incredibly, it's never today. Because for some mysterious reason, now is never the right time. Sure we plan a lot and talk a lot, but so many of us rarely deliver. I know people who have almost been doing things for years. Decades even. You know them too. You might even be them. Almost getting in shape. Almost starting a business. Almost dealing with their addiction. Almost fixing their damaged relationships. Almost taking control of their life... and almost using their potential.
Scaredy Cats
The truth is that many of us spend much of our lives not making the decisions we could and should because on some level, the practical reality and the potential short-term consequences of those decisions scare us. Most long-term gain involves a little short term pain and we are scaredy cats. Yes, there are better and worse times to confront and deal with issues in our life (and make decisions about them) but so often we go for the less intelligent option. The less intelligent option usually being what makes us comfortable. Comfortable... for the time being anyway. Strawberry Jam Thanks
Unfortunately our propensity to live in the moment and not make decisions to shape our future is what keeps us stagnant, frustrated and under-achieving in the long term. When it comes to the incidental, day-to-day stuff.. we're great at making decisions. "I think I'll wear the blue socks today... and I might just have some toast with jam for breakfast..." Thrill seeker. Crazy kid. But when it comes to the stuff that shapes our life, we're crap (sometimes at least).
So my questions for you on this Monday are...
1. What decision/s do you need to make today?
2. When will you stop waiting for the mystical, magical (fictional) 'right time' to do what you should have done long ago? 3. When will you start living a proactive rather than reactive life?
And remember... by not making a decision today you are making a decision.
Did I push a button?
Have a great week kids, make some decisions and click on the comment thingy to share your thoughts or just say hi.
Another week draws to a close and I hope yours has been a ripper.
Some News:
A Professional Speaking Workshop...
I am constantly receiving emails from people who want to do what I do; be a professional speaker. Like me, they have a desire to get in front of groups to share their knowledge and passion and hopefully, make a difference. Some want to share the health/fitness message, some want to be motivators, some want to be specialist educators and many want to work under the very large banner of professional and personal development. Obviously I can't personally answer a squillion emails and I can't privately coach hundreds of individuals towards their own speaking career but what I can do is share my thoughts, ideas and experiences via a workshop. Until recently, this is something I had not considered running at all. In fact, I still don't know what the response to this concept will be but if emails, phone calls and general enquiries are an indicator, then it should fly.
Clearly I'm not going to turn anyone into a world-class speaker in three hours, but I will give participants a practical and realistic snapshot of what it takes to go from complete novice to paid speaker. I have been speaking professionally for over twenty years so why not benefit from my numerous mistakes? Among other things, I can teach you what not to do! Because I think this concept will work better with a smaller group, I have decided to limit numbers to thirty people irrespective of the response. If there is greater demand, we'll simply run another workshop. Having said that, it could end up being me and three others in the room! Who knows? If there's a demand we'll run it. If not, I'll spend the afternoon sitting on the couch and watching sport. As all alpha-males should.
When is it?Saturday October 4, 2 - 5 pm Cost? $129.00 Where? Harper's Personal Training (Lecture Theatre), 643 Nepean Hwy. Brighton
I apologise to my interstate (and of course, international) readers but it's just not viable or practical for me to run this type of workshop out of state (at this point in time). If you have any enquires you can call Johnny during business hours on (03) 9553 8857 or you can email him here.
Personal Training Summit!
For all you fitness bunnies.... The Personal Training Academy (Melbourne-based fitness educators) are running a two day conference for fitness professionals here in Melbourne this coming weekend (tomorrow). With some of the best Australian and international fitness industry educators coming to town it should be an amazing weekend of information, education and inspiration for anyone looking to develop themselves in this field. A friend of mine, who just happens to be the leading educator in the world in the area of kid's fitness will be there. His name is Brian Grasso and he has flown out from the States just to present at this conference.
If you can make it along, he'll blow your socks off. He's an amazing teacher and presenter. I'll be presenting tomorrow (Saturday) at 12.45 pm (for 2.5 hours) and I'll do my best to ruffle as many feathers as possible. No shock there. My topic is "Beyond Personal Training" and I'm talking about where the PT industry has been, where it is right now, where it's going and where I believe it should go. You can find out more about the summit by visiting the PTA website and if you call them today on (03) 9553 1818 and tell them you've come via this site, they will give you a very significant discount just for being a craigharper-dot-com reader (about 30%).
Hi Guys, thanks for your words of inspiration and motivation yesterday. You're all kind of clever aren't you? I want to congratulate you first time commentors. See, it wasn't that scary was it? Anyway, I now have a whole bunch of new material for my presentations, so thanks for doing my research and for saving me a heap of time! Very thoughtful and selfless of you. Don't worry, I'll credit you.
On Tuesday we began to explore the relationship between our thinking and our realities. I say realities (plural) because we all exist and operate on two levels; in our mind (the cerebral - our internal world) and our three-dimensional world (the physical - our external world). They are both very real places and they both impact on each other in a significant way. What happens in our physical, practical world (situations, events, circumstances, problems, challenges, people) impacts on our mental and emotional states (our internal world). Just as what happens internally, influences and sometimes dictates, the kind of practical results we produce in our physical (external) world. That being at work, school, the gym, in relationships, on the sporting field... in life. We know that if we have stinkin' thinking we're probably gonna produce stinkin' results in our day to day existence. We also understand the strong correlation between how we think (and as a consequence, choose and behave) and the practical outcomes we create in our external world. But even with this knowledge it seems that some of us inhabit that negative mindset on a regular, if not full-time basis.
So the questions posed at the end of yesterday's post were:
(1) Is it possible to re-program the internal dialogue to change the external reality (think different to create different)?
(2) If it is, then how the heck do we do it?
In dispensing this information I'm going to speak to you as a coach, mentor and exercise scientist, not as a behavioural psychologist. Firstly because I'm not one (a psych) and secondly because I'm not that clever. All of the following advice, suggestions and recommendations are based purely on my experience and observations, not on research papers, extensive interviews with clever people or years of academic study. So read it and do with it what you will. Or won't. As the case may be.
The answer to questions one is, yes.
But the answer to question two is what we're all interested in.
Before I offer my thoughts I will say that in my experience (1) different things work for different people and (2) it's usually a multi-dimensional answer.
Strategies for changing the way we think:
1. Spend time with different people. As I've said before, in many ways we become who we hang out with. Spend time with negative, critical, woe-is-me thinkers and pretty soon, you'll be just like them. Conversely, spend time with people who find the good, are all about solutions not problems, can laugh at themselves, are prepared to get their hands dirty and are happy to encourage and support you, and you'll get dragged up, not down. Optimism is contagious. And it's a condition you want to catch. Left untreated, it might just develop into full-blown happiness and success. Careful.
2. Do different things. We are SO creatures of habit and repetition aren't we? We do today what we did yesterday. And last week. Last year. And sometimes, last decade. Irrespective of how much we need/want to change our life or part thereof. Some of us have taken the same route so many times that we've dug a rut for ourselves that's ten feet deep. And it ain't easy to see a world of possibilities when you spend your life in a D.I.Y ditch. The simple experience of doing different things is often enough to open our eyes to a new (better) way of thinking, doing and being. When we consciously do things we've never done before (possibly things we've avoided or been fearful of) something positive happens to the wiring in our brain. We start to consider new possibilities. Better possibilities. Barriers get broken down. Fears are overcome. Confidence grows. Self esteem improves and we think differently. So stop doing what you've always done and if you wanna be different then DO DIFFERENT!
3. Expose yourself to different ideas, cultures and information. By putting ourselves in different situations, environments or even countries, we begin to see things differently. Something as simple as being in a different place can make us see life from a completely different perspective in a matter of minutes. All of a sudden we realise how small our 'world' is and more significantly, how small our thinking is. Years ago I spent some time in South Africa working with children who were HIV positive. They were all aged between new born and five years. That experience totally changed my thinking about many things. I instantly realised that most of my 'problems' weren't problems and that the only real hurdle in my life was my thinking, my attitude, my self-limiting beliefs and my stupid self-imposed rules. Nobody had to 'teach' me anything, I just needed get some perspective on my incredibly privileged existence.
4. Set yourself a sporting goal. And then achieve it. People who complete sporting goals for a first time, change. And more than anything, that change is an internal one. Sure their body shapes up and their fitness improves, but the biggest transformation is in how they think. Their standards (about what's normal) change. They expect more of themselves. Their beliefs about what's possible for them changes. Their self-esteem grows and they become more confident and optimistic. Ever seen anyone complete their first fun run, half marathon or marathon? If you have, you know what I mean.
5. Consciously look for solutions, instead of obsessing about problems. Some people invest so much time and emotional energy into the problem, that they have nothing in the tank when it comes to finding a solution. In truth, some people don't actually want answers; they simply want more attention and sympathy. So in a weird way, those 'problems' (real or not) serve a purpose. A miserable purpose. And the difference between a 'problem' and a lesson or opportunity? Perspective. Attitude. Thinking. One person's problem is another person's life lesson. It's a choice.
6. Ask yourself the right questions. To an extent, the quality of our questions, will determine the quality of our actions. Moving away from the "why does this happen to me" mentality and into the "what can I learn from this" mindset is the difference between stagnation and growth, misery and happiness, self-pity and self-empowerment.
7. Be proactive instead of reactive. So many people shut the gate once the horse has bolted. Stop waiting until you're backed into a corner to make those life-changing decisions and do what you need to do. Stop letting situations, circumstances, events and other people, determine what your reality will look like. Decide what you want and get busy creating it. When it comes to your life, go on the offensive. Grab that life by the throat and shake the crap out of it. Not very academic advice I know. Effective nonetheless.
8. Face your fears. What happens when we confront our fears head on? We learn something. We use a little more of our potential. We cope, we grow and we adapt. We get a little stronger. We become less fearful and more confident. And of course, our thinking changes.
So, I hope that helps you. Now all you've got to do is... DO. In fact, maybe today is a good day to do more and think less. Ironic huh?
Leave a comment or say hi by clicking on the comment thingy (below). And don't forget my upcomingworkshopskick off in Perth on September 14. Followed byAdelaide, Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne. I look forward to meeting those of you who can make it along.
I've been a little under the pump today (it's now late Tuesday) doing some of the stuff that pays the bills. Johnny gets mad at me when I don't actually produce income on at least a semi-regular basis, so I thought I best do some real work. Amazingly, I don't get paid to blog and although he looks all peaches and cream... he can be a bitch when I don't earn my keep. A consequence of today's busy-ness is that I didn't get the promised post (part two of Thoughts About Thought) finished. It's eighty percent done but I can't have you reading an 'almost' article can I? Maybe I should publish it anyway and you guys could finish for me... there's a idea.
Instead, I thought that today might be an opportunity for you guys to inspire and/or teach each other with one of your fave inspirational, motivational, educational sayings. If you have a saying, an expression or a quote which has been meaningful and helpful on your journey, stop being greedy and share it with the rest of us! It could be just what we need today!
I'll getcha started with one of my faves:
"Who I am and who I will become is not pre-determined; it's me-determined."
So I'll be back tomorrow with part two of the missing post but in the mean time, put your fingers on the keyboard, stop being a chicken lurking in the cyber-shadows and share some of your personal inspiration. I've inspired you for long enough... now it's time for you to cough up!
G'day Funsters. Hope you are enjoying your Tuesday and annoying the crap out of everyone with your incredibly positive attitude. Just because you can. If you're succeptible to headaches you my want to read today's post slowly. With no distractions. Or you may wanna come back tomorrow. Here we go...
"As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is." (Proverbs 23:7)
Lately I've been thinking about thinking. How I think and how others think. And about what kind of impact that thinking has on our reality. My Reality. Your reality. But then I thought, maybe our thinking is our reality? There's another thought. I guess in many ways our thinking is our internal reality, so perhaps a better question would be, what type of impact does our internal dialogue have on our external reality? Our practical life experience? How we function in the real world? By the way, where's the unreal world? I suppose when we use the term real world, we are typically referring to what we experience as our physical world; work, school, home, suburbia.
Recycled Thoughts
So how does our thinking influence our relationships, career, personal endeavours, choices, challenges, behaviours and our ability to succeed out here on the big blue ball; the stuff that happens outside our head? And if the above verse from the book of Proverbs is any indication, then people were exploring the relationship between thoughts and reality thousands of years ago. This is certainly not a new discussion. In fact, it's ancient. Someone has already thought my thought. Or maybe I'm re-thinking theirs. Perhaps nobody has absolute ownership of individual thoughts. Maybe those thoughts have existed forever and we simply claim them as our own at different stages of our own journey and development? I wonder if there are any original thoughts in 2008, or are they simply recycled? So, if I'm interpreting the thoughts of the ancient scholars correctly (and who knows if I am), then our thinking determines who we are, what we become and what we create. I think.
My head hurts.
DonnieDarko
Have you ever really thought about how you think? It's a little scary isn't it? Can you control it? Manage it? Change it? Do you want to? Does it empower you or hold you back? Is your head a fun place to be or is there a touch of DonnieDarko about the space between your ears? Perhaps your headspace alternates between Disneyland and the Twilight Zone. Mine does. That's normal right? Don't get me started on normal again. There are lots of things we can give up - cigarettes, drugs, junk food, arguing, swearing - but we can't give up thinking. Although I've met a few people who seriously test that hypothesis. So I guess it all comes down to how we think?
Do you ever consider the relationship between your internal reality and your external reality? That is, the connection between what goes on in your head and the type of practical results you're producing in your life? We know there's a relationship but the question is, how do we manage one to maximise the other?
What's a Story Without a Flow Chart?
If we wanted to get a little more scientific and analytical (and a little less philosophical and weird) about the relationship between our thinking and the results we produce in our life, then we could come up with a little flow chart (of sorts). If I knew how to draw in this publishing program, then I would draw you a circular flow chart. I can't, so I won't.
Probably a good thing; my drawing is crap.
So here's my picture-less flow chart:
(1) Our thinking determines the (2) decisions we make (and don't make), which in turn dictates (3) how webehave (what we do and don't do), which determines the kind of(4) results we produce, which in turn shapes our (5) life reality(our practical experience out here in the physical world).
So it would seem there is a direct correlation between how we think and what we experience in our day to day life. Not only cerebrally (internally) but practically and physically (externally).
A couple of logical questions might be...
(1) Is it possible to re-program the internal dialogue to change the external reality?
(2) How do we do it?
If only I knew the answers.
Just kidding.
We'll explore those questions tomorrow.
Let a comment by clicking on the comment thingy and don't forget to book your place for a Renovate Your Life workshop.
Do you ever feel abnormal? Maybe not all the time but in certain situations, circumstances or places? Or perhaps in the middle of a particular conversation? Kind of like you don't really fit in? Not necessarily better or worse than anyone else, just a bit different on some level? And not massively dysfunctional in some deeply tragic kind of way, but just a couple of steps left of normal. But then maybe a couple of steps to the left (of everyone else) is your normal. Maybe that's exactly where you should be. Perhaps that's where you're happiest and most productive.
Who Makes the 'Normal' Rules?
Who determines what normal is anyway? Is it the majority? Is it a conscious process or does it just happen incidentally? Is it strategic and logical, or is it simply a byproduct of how most of us do things? Do we need to be normal to be happy, fulfilled, functional and effective? Does normal necessarily equate to 'right', or is it merely a reflection of typical group behaviour, accepted standards and consensual thinking? Twenty years ago it was normal to sit in a restaurant and blow cigarette smoke all over your friends. These days it's not only an unacceptable social faux pas but where I live, it's illegal! So I guess normal changes over time. Just think acid wash jeans, skinny leather ties and platform shoes. Eventually normal becomes abnormal. Strange even. Once upon a time Elvis was considered to be immoral, provocative and sexually explicit for gyrating his fully clad hips at his audience. I wonder how the Pussycat Dolls of 2008 would have been received in 1958?
A Snapshot of Normal.
If we took an objective, un-emotional look at all the 'normality' around us, we might conclude that normal equals massive personal debt, broken and damaged relationships, unfulfilled careers, wasted talent, grumpy people constantly hurrying to nowhere in particular and a propensity to medicate with more and more drugs for an ever-increasing range of medical issues. And I guess if we chubby Aussies and Americans continue on our current health trajectory then pretty soon anyone who's not fat will be abnormal. There's a thought. That's a normal I don't really want. As I write this sentence, normal is seeming less and less attractive to me.
It all Depends what Building You're in.
If I'm at a pentecostal church and I'm singing about Jesus with my arms in the air, then I'm normal (in that environment). If I walk into the bowling alley next door and do the same thing, I'm a freak. A weirdo. Conversely, if I walk back into that same church wearing a pair of those weird-ass bowling shoes, I might be put into the abnormal basket. So maybe normal is an environmental thing. Perhaps it's a perspective thing. An attitude thing. A situational thing. A belief thing. An expectation thing.
"You're not expected to behave that way in this environment/situation, therefore, you're abnormal...."
In some ways it's a dilemma because on the one hand we want to fit in (be seen as normal, part of the group), but at the same time, normal doesn't necessarily correlate with happiness or success. And of course, we all want both of those. That's not to say that abnormal necessarily equates to nirvana either. So what to do?
Maybe it's a Myth?
Maybe normal doesn't really exist. In a universal sense anyway. Come to think about it, we all create our own normal don't we? There is no globally accepted standard is there? Much of what is normal where I live (Melbourne, Australia) would be perceived as strange in another country or culture. Much of what is normal in my life would be abnormal in someone else's world. I've been told many times that I'm not normal because I've never consumed alcohol and I've never been drunk. Apparently my alcohol-avoidance is bordering on un-Australian. Unmanly perhaps. Aussies have an international reputation for being big consumers of alcohol. Wow, what a less-than-desirable accolade. I've even had my sexuality questioned because I don't drink beer. Apparently there's a correlation between sexual orientation and beer consumption and I have been unaware of it. I must have missed that research paper. Or maybe my dad forgot to teach me. When it comes to not putting alcohol in my body, I'm happy with my abnormality. And my sexuality.
Abnormally Single
Then there's the being single thing. Being in my forties and unmarried is clearly a testament to my abnormality. People are always interrogating me in an attempt to discover exactly what's wrong with me. Gotta be something. Under all that self-help crap you're really a weirdo aren't you!! In many ways they are right; I am abnormal and interestingly, I'm not offended by their perspective. I understand why they have that attitude/belief. After all, the vast majority of blokes my age are married or have been married. Growing up in Australia (and most places), it's never "if you get married", it's always "when you get married." Because that's what the normal people do. Unmarried men in their forties must have something wrong with them; that's why they're not married. That's the rule. Unwritten of course, but it is the rule. Just ask any normal person. Society's normal is... marriage. And now one of our new 'normals' is... divorce. It wasn't once, but it is now. Expected almost. That's a sad normal. Normal, like everything else, is dynamic; constantly changing and evolving.
As a student of life and a keen observer of humanity, I find it sad to see so many people trying to be normal at the expense of being themselves. Sometimes the cost of assimilation is happiness. Sometimes the cost is our identity. If you're like me and happen to feel a little abnormal from time to time (or maybe all of the time), then take heart, your abnormality might just be your greatest asset.
So next time you're feeling a bit different, celebrate it rather than stress about it. And now that you know normal doesn't actually exist, you have nothing to worry about anyway. And even if it did exist, you wouldn't wanna be part of it. Because if you were, you'd just be like the others.
And then how would we find you?
Leave a comment or say hi by clicking on the comment thingy... and don't forget to book your place for one of our Renovate Your Life workshops.
Did my TV gig on Network Ten yesterday (I'm writing this Thursday night) and spoke about all that life-changing-Craig-Harper-type-stuff that I do. The segment went well, I pushed a few buttons and have received more than fifty emails over the last twenty four hours from people who saw the segment and appreciated a little positivity, hope and encouragement coming from their TV screen. How nice is that? And let me tell you, some of those emails are looooooong. At least ten of them were the best part of a thousand words!
*You can view the segment by clicking on the link at the bottom of this post.
The amazing thing about creating our best life (and/or impacting positively on the lives of others) is that it's so easy to be positive and encouraging when we have that intention, that commitment and that mindset. Just like it's easy to be a complete pain in the ass if we're really committed to it. And sadly, many people are. I don't need to fake it, or manufacture my enthusiasm and energy because I am genuinely excited about life, possibilities, exploring my potential and helping others to do the same. It's an incredibly rewarding job that I have and it's so much fun to be able to invest into the lives of others. Like you!
For me, the return is far greater than the investment. It's pretty easy to find the good rather than focus on the bad when we want to and it makes sense to talk about possibilities and solutions, rather than agonise over problems. In a world where the vast majority of the news is negative (just tune in to the six o'clock news), people are attracted to optimism and positivity like moths to a flame. Optimism and positivity... not to be confused with naivety and stupidity.
Being an Encourager - a Personal Cheer Squad
Today I want to chat very briefly about the notion of being an encourager. Specifically, YOU being an encourager. As a friend, boss, sibling, parent, co-worker, athlete, coach... human being, it's one of the most important, empowering and rewarding things that you and I can do for others. So why wouldn't we? It's simple and it's easy but it isn't done nearly enough because (sometimes) we're too self-focused and too immersed in our own stuff. Or simply unaware. The irony is that when we actually give the encouragement (interest, care, attention, support, approval) rather than seek it, we often get our own needs met in a much more powerful way and on a much deeper level. If you want to create amazing relationships and connections then be the type of person who consistently encourages others and you'll see some pretty cool stuff happen in your own life as well as theirs.
Encouragement changes people (on both sides of the equation). It changes relationships, emotional states, work environments, it changes the dynamics of a situation and at the risk of sounding cheesey, it can change lives. It's true. I've seen amazing transformations take place when the only thing that was added to the picture was encouragement. Out of that encouragement came different choices and behaviours, a different mindset, improved confidence and ultimately, incredible results. Awesome.
A Suggestion
Why don't you join me and commit to encouraging at least one different person every day for the next week? This means doing something that you wouldn't have done had you not made this commitment or read this post. It means investing emotional energy into someone else for five or ten minutes and making that time all about them, not you. No strings, no agenda, no catch. Try it and let me know what happens.
Our Competition Winner!!
Well after much deliberation, a little debate and a couple of bitch fights between Baldy and Bossy, the 'judges' have finally come up with a winner for our competition. Why anyone would want to spend five days in a row with me is a mystery but clearly some of you have issues.
Drum roll please...
And the winner is JO THOMAS! Go Jo!! A big congratulations to you!
Jo will be spending a week with me very soon and will be travelling all the way from South Australia to do so! That's commitment. Stay tuned for photos, daily updates of her progress and a final report from the lady herself.
I know some of you will be disappointed. Sorry. However.... because we received so many great entries and had so many people miss out (and because I'm a sucker), I have decided to run a group mentoring session (for free) for those of you who didn't win. I know this will be of little value to those of you who live far away (sorry again) but it may be some consolation to those of you in the Melbourne area. The session will be run on Saturday the 30th of August at my Brighton centre, from 11.00 am - 1.00 pm. It will be an informal, laid back session. A lesson or two from me, some questions from you and some general chat. Possibly a hug. To book your place you need to call Johnny on (03) 9553 8857 or email him by clicking on this link.
TV Thingy
You can take a peek at my Channel Ten segment by clicking right here! (Running Time: 7:46 mins).
Don't forget my RYL workshops, coming soon to a city near you!
G'day Kids. Thanks to all of you who entered our competition. We received nearly one hundred entries! A few of them brought a tear to my eye and a few of them made me laugh out loud. We will announce our winner tomorrow so stay tuned.
So I just dragged out my little electronic calendar on my little phone-organiser thingy and did some rough maths and if my calculations are right then you and I (and the other six billion) have one hundred and fifty four days left in 2008. That's including today. Yowza! Now, depending on where you're at in your life (world, reality, head-space, career, health status, relationships, finances, goals), that little revelation could be shocking, motivating, concerning, surprising, exciting, depressing or of absolutely no interest to you. Or maybe something else altogether.
Taking Stock
Sometimes it's good to take stock of our life; do a little progress check on our situation and the results we're producing (or not producing) in our world. I often take time to stop and step back from the day to day mayhem that is my life and evaluate how things are travelling in all areas. Personally and professionally. To ascertain what I need to do differently and how I need to change (adapt, improve, learn) to produce the type of results I want to see in my life. It's not always an easy or painless process, but it's always productive and valuable. It gives me perspective and a reality check. It helps me keep my head where I need it to be and keeps me grounded. We all know about my propensity to get a little excited.
Eyes Wide Shut
Imagine building a house but never actually referring to your plans, never assessing your progress, never speaking with the architect, never making any significant decisions about the building process and never standing back to see if you're happy with what's being built; how it all looks. That would be ridiculous right? Well, that's exactly what some of us do with our life; we build a life with our eyes shut. We just keep piling on bricks with no rhyme or reason and some of us end up building a pile of crap. And then we are forced to live in it.
Simulated Living.
Some of us seem to bumble and stumble along, year in, year out doing the same dumb, unproductive things and making the same destructive mistakes. Constantly having conversations and making resolutions that we never actually follow through on. Always about to change but never actually doing it. Creatures of repetition and habit. Existing, not living. Surviving, not thriving. Getting by. Wasting our potential and living in that pile on crap when we don't actually need to. At all. Simulated living; looks like living but isn't.
We need to learn to 'build' a better life. Consciously, practically, strategically and passionately.
Asking the Right Questions
In the 'maximising-what-I've-got' process, I'm always asking myself certain questions and challenging myself to stay focused, productive and committed to my goals and core values; what I'm about. Keeping our attitude and our focus where it needs to be (to create our desired outcomes) will always be our biggest personal development challenge. As I've said many times before, creating positive change ain't about a day on a calendar, it's about attitude, choices and behaviours over time.
So I have a few of those Craig questions (twelve in fact) to ask you if that's okay?
You're still here... so I'll take that as a yes.
1. What haven't you done in 2008 that you said you would? 2. Why haven't you done it? 3. How have you sabotaged yourself this year?
4. How and when will you stop that?
5. Why will it be different next time?
6. Are you communicating effectively and productively with everyone in your world? If not, what do you need to change to produce better results?
7. What will you do different (to create different) for the next 154 days?
8. What specifically will you achieve, change, create by the end of this year (and of course, beyond)? 9. In reference to your goals for the rest of this year, what is the absolute best investment of your time and emotional energy and what do you need to let go of for now?
10. Are you actually prepared to do what it takes, or do you just like the 'idea' of success? 11. What's one thing that you can do right now (okay when you finish reading this) to create instant change on some level (big or small)? 12. How will you keep yourself accountable and proactive when the motivation 'wears off'? When this post is a distant memory what will keep you doing what you need to do?
The Last Bit
Now, if you actually answer the above questions thoughtfully and honestly (as opposed to simply reading them), and then you act on those answers, you might just create some spectacular results over the next few months. Maybe even change your life for good. There's a thought. Or perhaps... a reality.
Group Hug ( )
Ciao.
Leave a comment or say hi.... you know the drill. Don't forget my RYL workshops, coming soon to a city near you!
In my second year of high school I had a teacher named Mr Ryan. I went to an all boys college and us blokes called him 'Big Al'. While other teachers would reprimand us if we even dared use their first name, Big Al seemed to revel in our respect and affection for him. He was my all-time fave teacher and was universally loved. By us students anyway. Interestingly, for a teacher he wasn't particularly academic. Or even very articulate. He often wuddled his mords. I mean, muddled his words. He always got the job done but his methodology was different to that of his counterparts. His teaching style was... no style. But it worked very well. He was the only teacher that my buddies and I actually wanted to be around and wanted to work for. He had a skill of balancing work and play; what we had to do (academically) with what we wanted to do (be teenage boys).
Rules Schmules
Being a private boys college, we were subjected to an inordinate amount of rules, regulations, standards and codes of conduct. Unlike his uptight, stuffy, by-the-book colleagues, Big Al viewed the rules as... open to interpretation. Somewhat restrictive perhaps. Within reason, he allowed us to express ourselves. We loved that about him. It was his flexibility, his normality and his communication style which connected him to us stinky teenage boys.
Talking to, not at
While all the other teachers lectured us, Big Al spoke to us and with us. He understood how us teenage boys were wired and he tapped into that. He was still the boss, but he spoke our language. And because we liked him, we didn't want to disappoint him, so our schoolwork actually improved. The irony being that some of the most educated, academic and articulate teachers at my school, were the worst communicators. Plenty of talk but no communication. Their attitudes, their personalities and their teaching style got in the way of our learning and development. And any meaningful communication. Many of them had no idea how to connect with, interact with or even hold a normal conversation with us teenage boys. And if you're teaching at an all boys school, you'd think that ability to communicate might be a desirable, if not prerequisite, skill. Call me wacky.
Without doubt, the most important day-to-day life skill is communication but the crazy thing is that many people who should be connecting, teaching, directing, motivating, encouraging and leading on a daily basis (that includes you and me) are horrible communicators. Who cares if you've got an I.Q. of three hundred and a PhD. in everything, if you can't communicate effectively with your audience, team, employees, family, partner.. etc.
Back to Big Al
When class was finished and the official stuff was done Big Al would hang around and talk to us boys about anything and everything; sport, girls, career, parents, cars... life. He didn't simply clock on and off. Before he became a teacher, he was was a cop. He had seen plenty and done plenty and while he wasn't as academic as most teachers, in many ways he was much more educated. He understood people. He knew how to create rapport, trust and understanding. He knew how to engage people. He knew how to read people. He knew how to build relationships. He knew when to be tough and when to have fun. He knew when to talk and when to be quiet. He knew that talking a lot didn't necessarily translate to effective or meaningful communication and teaching. He understood how to get the most out of us teenage boys because he knew our language. He spoke with us, not at us.
Over the years I have thought about Big Al often. And while I appreciate what he endeavoured to teach me about geography and biology (sorry Big Al, I forget it all), what I really appreciate is what he unintentionally and unknowingly taught me about communication.
A Summary of What I Learned From Big Al...
1. Talking ain't necessarily communicating or connecting. Some people have a gift for alienating, confusing and intimidating people. They disconnect far more than they connect. Every day I ask myself this question ten times... "how do I need to communicate with this person, in this situation to create connection, understanding and a positive outcome?"
2. Sometimes listening is the best way of communicating. What we don't say often has the most impact in a situation. We don't need to speak to convey a message, change a situation, make a point or have an impact. Sadly, too many people have verbal diarrhea and love the sound of their own voice.
3. To be able to consistently create rapport, understanding and connection we must consciously and practically develop our communication skills. Like any other skill we need to work at it. It's amazing that many of us will enrol in a course to learn how to build a website, start a small business or massage a body... but we won't consciously and methodically work at becoming more effective communicators.
4. Speaking perfect Chinese to someone who's from Italy is a waste of time. Kind of amusing to watch... but ultimately pointless. Effective communication is not about how articulate we are, it's about whether or not we're speaking the right language. Just because you and I speak English doesn't necessarily mean we speak the same language or we're communicating effectively.
5. Learning to make others feel good (important, valued, loved, wanted) ain't the worst communication strategy! Some people have an amazing ability to turn every conversation into a monologue about themselves and their fabulousness (a word). If you know how to make people feel valued (etc.), you'll have connection and you'll have their attention. "Tell me again how good I am Craig...."
So Big Al... If you're still about and you happen across this article, I just want you to know that I didn't end up in the big house making number plates, I haven't killed anyone (recently), I still haven't figured girls out and you made a big difference in my life by speaking my language.
Thanks Mr. Ryan.
Leave a comment or tell me about your 'BigAl' by clicking on the comment thingy.
Well yesterday was another lesson for me. An opportunity to... grow. My computer crashed Sunday night and I have been unable to do what I do for over twenty four hours. What's a blogger without a computer? Kind of like a truck driver without a truck. A bodybuilder without a bench press. A butcher without a knife. A artist with no paint. A... okay, you get the point. No tools to ply my trade.
Is it a trade? Probably not.
So my computer fixer bloke (a term) has just left (5 minutes ago). Nice guy. Thinks I understand computer-speak. I don't. Just because I own one doesn't mean I understand how it works. Or I want to understand. So much for the custom built Rolls Royce computer. Load of crap. Expensive crap. I should have gone for the Hyundai version. Less bells and whistles but more reliability. Had to go for the razzle dazzle didn't I?
Idiot.
Anyway, barring some unforeseen cyber melt down, I'll be back on deck tomorrow to share some personal development love and push your buttons. In the mean time, take a peek at our book review 'Black Belt of the Mind' from the very lovely Victoria May. Thanks Victoria!!
Don't forget my RYL workshops, coming soon to a city near you!
G'day Groovers. Hope you had a fun weekend. Thanks for all my Friday hugs. I was lovin' the love last week. Hugs are therapeutic. Even cyber-hugs. As you can probably guess, my life beyond this site is kinda frantic, periodically crazy, often uncomfortable, occasionally terrifying... but mostly rewarding, fulfilling and fun. The daily challenges and realities of working with lots of people in a variety of settings and situations and all the humanstuff is what keeps me grounded and learning. Last week I learned plenty! On with the show...
I haven't written as the exercise bloke for a few weeks so I thought that today might be the time for me to smear on some Dencorub, slip into my spandex and leg-warmers (if only it wasn't true), crank up the Goo Goo Dolls and belt out an article about why some of us invest so much time and energy into our exercise program for so little in the way of results. Yep it's true; some of us spend a lot of time achieving not too much. Heaps of sweat, commitment and even dollars, for a less-than-desirable return.
I'm constantly getting letters, emails and phone calls from frustrated exercisers, so I figure it is time to take a look at why time spent exercising doesn't always equate to desirable results.
Let's get under way with some basic exercise physiology...
Our body recognises exercise as a form of stress (mostly good stress) and when we stress our body the right way for long enough, it adapts. Simple enough. We see those physiological adaptations as improvements in aerobic fitness, strength, muscular endurance, speed, power, flexibility along with decreases in body-fat levels and increases in lean mass (muscle). From a purely scientific and academic perspective, changing a body is a relatively straight forward process. In reality, we know that once we throw human emotions and a few other practical issues into the mix, that simplicity can become a lot more complex!
Bodies don't think, they simply adapt.
If we put too many calories into a body it will 'adapt' by storing that excess energy in the form of body-fat. If we lift progressively heavier weights, we will see adaptations in the form of bigger and/or stronger muscles. If we begin a program of aerobic exercise, within the first few weeks we will see physiological changes; lower blood pressure, lower resting heart rate, lower working heart rate, less post-exercise soreness, decreased recovery time, increased metabolic rate and changes in body composition just to mention a few - all of these being adaptations to the 'stress' of cardiovascular exercise. If you train yourself like a distance runner, you ain't gonna wind up looking like a bodybuilder. Neither will training like Mr (or Miss) Universe turn you into that slender, waif-like running machine.
When a body changes, there's a reason. When a body doesn't change, there's a reason. And as I've said before, we need to learn how to 'drive' our body and to discover what works for us (personally). Individual bodies respond differently to the same stimulus, so we need to learn how to maximise our own genetics. Quite often, by being less emotional and more practical and methodical about our approach to exercise, we will achieve far better results in much less time.
Here's a few things to consider as you work through the exercise thing...
1. What works (in terms of creating significant physical change) and what we enjoy doing, are often two different things. Yes we want to make exercise fun when possible, but sometimes we need to stop looking for easy and starting doing effective. I don't particularly enjoy stretching but I can't improve my terrible flexibility by bench pressing small cars. Heavy sigh. So stretching it shall be for the human ceramic tile. The piece of chalk with hair on top. I might not always love the process, but I really love the results. You might not enjoy lifting weights but you won't build your upper body strength or achieve that athletic shape you're after by going for a gentle walk with your neighbour each morning.
2. Your body will only adapt when it needs to. If you constantly stimulate your body the same way day in, day out (same workout, same exercises, same format, same intensity, same weights, same distance, same machines, same duration) it ain't gonna change 'cause it doesn't need to. You are following a maintenance program. Give your body a reason to change and it will. Some people have been following the same program for years, all the while wondering why nothing changes. It's true in life and in the gym; if nothing changes, nothing changes. Progression is good. Variety is good. Change is good.
3. Over-training. Many people simply train so much that their body is in a constant state of disrepair. When you stress an already stressed (over-trained, injured, exhausted) body (via more exercise) you're setting yourself up for long term problems and frustration. Don't confuse volume with quality. Don't make emotional decisions about your exercise program. It's good to train hard (sometimes) and smart. I only lift weights three times per week for forty five minutes, but I'm stronger than most of the twenty three year-old meat-heads who inhabit the weight room seven days per week. Not because I have better genetics or more testosterone (I wish) but because I know what works most effectively for my body (in terms of creating the right balance between training, nutrition and recovery) and I stimulate my physiology the right way. I train optimally for me. Don't forget... the adaptation takes place when you're not training. The workout is for the stimulation, the recovery time is for the adaptation.
4.Going-though-the-motions-itis. A little-known scientific term which is Latin for 'looks like a workout but isn't'. It's a condition where people go to the gym and fluff around for an hour or so without actually doing much. A few chats, a little self-admiration in the mirror, a cappuccino or two and a strategically-placed towel over the shoulder - they're hard to miss. Every gym has a least ten of them. They are known colloquially in Australia as... wankers. There is also another group of well-meaning people who work out often but simply don't train hard enough to create the results they're seeking. Of course we need to train safely and intelligently, and yes we need to develop a training base before we get anywhere near the intense zone, but sometimes we simply need to force our body to adapt. If what you're doing in your workouts is easy for you, then don't expect to see much in the way of physiological change. Easy might be fun but it ain't really productive when it comes to changing a body. If you wanna see some change, get uncomfortable. Often. Don't kill yourself but don't avoid the tough stuff either.
5.All the other stuff. Of course there are plenty of variables in the creating-your-best-body process and exercise is just one of them. If you've nailed your exercise but your diet is a nightmare (over-eating, under-eating, sporadic eating, poor quality food) your results will be average at best. Other factors which might sabotage or inhibit what you're doing with your exercise program are: alcohol, drugs, lack of sleep, stress and medications. No use training like an Olympian if you're living a lifestyle which is at odds with your exercise goals. If (for example) you're expending more calories than you're consuming, you ain't gonna grow muscle 'cause their ain't no gas in the tank. Conversely, if you're consuming more than you're expending each day, you ain't gonna get leaner no matter how well you train or how much cardio you do. You'll be fitter but you'll still be fat.
6.The Wrong Program. For a wide range of reasons thousands and thousands of people are currently following a program which is less than ideal, if not completely inappropriate for them. Go into virtually any gym and you'll see dozens of people (with different bodies, goals and needs) all following essentially the same 'generic' program. This is called laziness, ignorance, lack of professionalism and I-don't-really-care, on the part of the instructors who set those programs. If your program wasn't designed specifically for you (by someone who knows their stuff), then it's not the best strategy for you. That's not to say that your program is not of any value but why settle for okay, when you can have ideal. Your program should be designed specific to your age, goals, body type, current level of fitness, training history, medical conditions and injuries. If you found your current training program on page seventy two of Buffed and Ripped, then you ain't doing yourself any favours. Same goes if you got your program from your cousin Guido the panel beater who came second in that bodybuilding show in 1992. The same one who worked in a gym for three months when he was nineteen.
So... maybe it's time for some change.
Leave a comment or say hi by clicking on the comment thingy below...
Ciao x
Don't forget my RYL workshops, coming soon to a city near you!
G'day Kids. Hope you've had a fantastic week and done your best to live, laugh, love and learn along the way. I've been going through a few lessons in my life beyond this site over the last week, so I apologise for the lack of content... I've had a bit on!! I know, I know... how dare I neglect you. I realise it's not all about me, so I'll be back next week doing my best to inspire you, motivate you, challenge you, teach you and if my history is any indication, probably piss a few of you off too.
Oh well.
Don't forget that today is the last day for our competition, so if you wanna get involved you best extract a digit. We will be announcing our winner next Friday and I am really excited about helping one of you towards your own version of amazing. How lucky am I that I get to do what I do...
Enjoy your weekend you Crazy Funsters and feel free to send me a hug - even you dysfunctional, emotionally-challenged blokes. We all need a hug sometimes. Today it's my turn.
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