That Sinking Feeling... is Only a Feeling.

Ever noticed how on rare occasions some people seem to have an amazing ability to transform themselves in a day? Usually the amazing transformation is precipitated by some kind of tragedy, life-changing event or unexpected news. It's like one day they are directionless, lazy, indifferent, reactive, fearful, procrastinators with a poor attitude, and then twenty four hours later they are totally different people. Different attitude, different behaviours, different communication, different mindset, different outcomes... different reality. They simply make a decision to BE different... and they are. Something dramatic happens and from out of nowhere they are confronted with the biggest decision of their life; sink or swim. And while some sink, for some reason these people choose to not only swim, but fly.

Joe Amazing

We've all heard about (or maybe witnessed) Joe Average who gets diagnosed with a terminal disease and then over night becomes Joe Amazing. Instantly he(she) becomes the most positive, productive, proactive and inspirational person in town. The under-achiever becomes an incredible story of passion and possibility and packs way more into his final two years of life than he did in the previous forty. I have seen numerous people re-invent themselves in a short period of time when that's what was necessary for survival. And on many different levels too; physically, emotionally, socially, financially and professionally. The ability of people to do incredible things when required never ceases to amaze me. When this happens, I always marvel at the following:

1. Our capacity to turn something tragic (or potentially tragic) into something positive, empowering and incredible.

2. Why we let that ability and potential lay dormant for decades (sometimes ever). Why we don't use what we've got.

3. How capable, effective and powerful we can all be, when we have to.

4. How much time we waste not doing what we could and should with our life. And how proficient we are at making excuses and justifying our behaviour and existence.

5. Why a death sentence is often the catalyst for a person to start living.

6. How quickly we can produce life-changing results when we simply do what we've never done and really use what we've been given; doing exceptional things (what most don't) to create exceptional outcomes (what most won't). The potential for greatness is always there but what's (typically) missing is the behaviour, the mindset and the commitment.

Backed into a Corner

When we have to, we humans can do some pretty incredible things. You know it, I know it. That potential for amazing is in all of us. Given the option, we'd all choose to live that spectacular, incredible existence but when we take a practical, realistic look at how we typically live, it seems that many of us are totally committed to mediocre. We 'do' mediocre and hope that we'll somehow produce amazing results. Good luck with that. Confronted with adversity, average people do exceptional things and as a result, create exceptional outcomes... because they can. All of a sudden they find themselves doing things that they had never dreamed of. Things which only yesterday were inconceivably difficult (in their mind), become effortless today. Things which once terrified them become matter-of-fact, non-negotiable tasks.

Using what we've Got

The shy and fearful mother and wife whose husband dies tragically becomes a powerful, assertive and dynamic leader almost over night because (in her mind) she has no choice. So she does what she needs to and becomes what she needs to, to survive and thrive. The potential was always there but for some reason she never flicked that switch. Or the guy who tries unsuccessfully for years to change his unhealthy lifestyle, and then finally gives up cigarettes, alcohol and junk food all in a single day because of one sentence from his doctors lips. In truth, that option (to change quickly and dramatically) and that ability (to create different) was always there for him, he simply didn't take it or use it.

All of a sudden, the difficult becomes easy and the impossible becomes likely because mental and emotional shift happens. When our internal reality changes, so too does our external reality.

Imagine if we could all transform from Joe Average to Joe Amazing without being diagnosed with the terminal condition and without having to wait for that life-changing tragedy?

Just a wacky thought.

Leave a comment and take a peek at the details for my RYL National Tour here.

Ciao x

A Violent Fantasy

I almost laughed out loud at how stupid he was. I looked at the young cashier, she appeared to be petrified. Part of me wanted to lean over the counter and stab the Dickhead in the neck with one of the Bic pens on the stand next to him. But that would have been bad right? Just checking. Fortunately for him, I'm not the violent type. Often. By this stage he was visibly angry and beginning to rant. I looked around at everyone in line and he and I were the only blokes there. I looked at the other people lined up with their milk, bread and newspapers and they all looked extremely uncomfortable.

Some Male Bonding

I won't say exactly what I said because my parents might read this but I will say that I walked over and we shared a brief exchange over the top of some trashy mags and a chewing gum stand. In my own special (loving, caring, sharing) way I told him that he should probably treat people more respectfully, control his temper, regulate his volume somewhat and not intimidate sixteen year-old girls. That's pretty much how it went.

Before I left I asked the young cashier if she was okay. She was still shaky and a little teary but told me she would be alright. I hated it that a 'grown' man had intimidated and bullied a young girl to tears and made twenty other people feel uncomfortable and anxious all because he was a self-centred, socially-unaware tool.

1. They survive and thrive wherever people gather. Even on the Internet. Cyber-bullying is the most recent addition to the bully's bag of tricks.

2. Bullying is not always obvious. Coercion, manipulation and emotional blackmail are more subtle forms of bullying. This happens everywhere from the workplace to church. People being pressured to conform to certain behaviours and standards, or to embrace certain beliefs or philosophies can also be a form of bullying. Someone who is constantly telling you how and what to think, is a bully.

4. Bullies typically prey on people who they perceive to be weaker and more vulnerable than themselves. They don't seek conversation, they seek compliance.

6. Beware the 'sales bully'; the person who tries to manipulate, coerce and even trick you into spending your money. "You can have the car at this price but you will need to sign up right now because this is the last one we have in stock and I have five other people interested...."

1. Don't stab them in the neck with a Bic. The thigh perhaps.

2. Stop being a people pleaser. Some people are so desperate to keep the peace and not 'rock the boat' that they spend their entire lives letting themselves be coerced, manipulated, pressured and controlled (bullied) by people around them. Often a spouse, parent, sibling or boss.

5. Acknowledge bullying for what it is in your life. Don't make excuses for the bullies in your world. It only allows them to continue their selfish, controlling, anti-social behaviour and keep you in that submissive, compromised, unhappy place (exactly what they want). They want power over you and they can only have it if you give it to them.

7. Name it and Deal with it. Don't pretend it's not happening. Don't wait for it to resolve itself. Left unaddressed, bullying can lead to a range of social, professional, personal and even health issues. Things like anxiety, depression, sleeplessness and loss of appetite are not uncommon consequences of bullying.

Enjoy your day. Or don't. No pressure.

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