Archive of Motivational Speaker

Welcome to Craig's site.

Craig Harper is a leading motivational speaker and educator. He is a highly sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and professional development. Working with hundreds of teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations on numerous continents over the last twenty years has given Craig a unique insight into, and understanding of, human performance and all its variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire, challenge and make people laugh all at the same time!

Renovate Your Life Blog

Friday, May 30, 2008

Book Review 21 and Shove with Love Update

Well, it's the first Friday (update day) of our Shove with Love, habit-changing project which means that all of you wacky funsters who publicly committed to changing your nastiest habit need to tell the rest of us how you're travelling. Simply click on the comment thingy below and unload. Feel free to read all the comments and encourage each other - you might enjoy it and take some pressure off me to be the lone encourager and coach. In fact, I would love a team of coaches, motivators and encouragers. Nice thought. Anyway team, I trust you had a great week and I hope you all have some fun this weekend. Remember fun? Also, take a look at our latest book review (review 21) by the lovely Jo Deeker here. Feel free to comment on the reviewed book, to encourage our reviewer, or just say hi and add your thoughts.

Peace.

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Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Impossible Conversation

Over the last twenty five years the gym owner, the motivator, the educator and the exercise scientist (me) has had about twenty million (ish) similar conversations. They all went something like this:

CH: "So, you're here to get in shape?"
FB: (fat bloke/chick) "Yep." (enthusiastic response)
CH: "Are you ready to do what needs to be done?"
FB: (slight delay in response) "er, yeah... I guess" (less enthusiastic)
CH: "So, why are you so overweight now?"
FB: "Well my parents are quite big people and most of my family just has that body type."
CH: "So you think your problem is largely genetic?"
FB: "Yep... and I also think it's age-related."
CH: "The weight gain is because you're getting older?"
FB: "Yeah, that's part of it."
CH: "Okay... How's your diet?"
FB: "Yeah (pause).. uhm, overall pretty healthy."
CH: "Really?"
FB: "Er... (looking at the floor)... yeah... mostly."
CH: "So why haven't you been exercising lately?"
FB: (starting to fidget) "Well, I have had a lot of issues with my back... and my ankle plays up a bit when it's cold."
CH: "But you're not injured at the moment?"
FB: "Er... not as such, no."
CH: "Not as such?"
FB: "No."
CH: "So why aren't you exercising right now?"
FB: "For me it's mostly a time issue."
CH: "So you'd like to be exercising but there's not enough hours in the day?"
FB: (shifting in seat) "Pretty much."
CH: "You joined a gym a year ago but only went for three weeks, what happened?"
FB: "It really didn't work for me, I didn't like the vibe or the energy of that place."
CH: "The vibe?"
FB: "Yeah and the staff weren't very friendly."
CH: "Anything else?"
FB: "Well, it was a bit of a drive... and by the time I got home it was pretty late."
CH: "Anything else?"
FB: "Yeah, I found the workout they wrote me to be a bit boring."
CH: "Does a workout need to be entertaining?"
FB: Goofy facial expression, no response.
CH: (now fantasizing about slapping FB) "You said your brother is a personal trainer, why aren't you working out with him?"
FB: "Er, oh yeah... well.. he's kinda busy and I.. aaah, well.. it's... wow, that's a cool clock!"
CH: "So you know that all those business lunches are a big part of your problem, don't you?"
FB: "Yeah but that's an important part of my job, I have to entertain clients so I don't really have a choice with that."
CH: "Really?"
FB: "Well, I can't be seen as anti-social, it's not good business."
CH: "Bad business huh?"
FB: "Yep."
CH: "Is that a chocolate bar sticking out of your pocket?"
FB: "Oh yeah, it's a treat for my son when I get home."
CH: "Is he overweight by any chance?"
FB: "Er.. a little."
CH: (now visualising my forehead making contact with FB's nose) "Perfect."

Now here's the conversation I dream of having:

CH: "Why are you so fat?"
FB: "I eat too much, I make poor choices, I'm lazy, I waste time, I make excuses, I'm precious, I find reasons to get offended, I procrastinate, I complain, I lie about my habits, I never finish anything, I look for shortcuts, I avoid anything hard, I blame my genetics and my age, I medicate with alcohol and I've always had a terrible attitude."
CH: "So your biggest problem is you?"
FB: "Yep."
CH: "Ready to change all that?"
FB: "Absolutely."

I wonder if I'll ever have that conversation?

Postscript:

Don't forget Groovers, tomorrow (Friday) is our first update day for our little Shove with Love project. So all you crazy kids who committed to changing one nasty-ass habit over 28 days are required to provide the rest of us with a little(ish) update as to how you're travelling heading towards the end of week one. I look forward to hearing about your progress... enjoy your day.

* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.

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Wednesday, May 28, 2008

A Frog in a Sock

Good morning (afternoon, evening) Rock Stars. Hope you're all bursting out of your skin with energy, excitement, passion and an annoyingly good attitude today. Not literally (bursting) of course, that would be messy. Handy thing skin.

Well, our Shove with Love post (28 days to change that killer habit) has gone off like a frog in a sock here at medotcom. It seems that plenty of us still have at least one significant destructive habit that needs to go. Don't you Habit Changers forget that every Friday is your update day; your chance to tell the rest of us how you're travelling with your goal, your challenges and your commitment to change. And depending on how you're progressing, we may be compelled to give you a cyberhug, a cyberkick in the butt, a finger-pointing lecture or some words of encouragement. 'Cause we care. Of course. It's all about creating momentum, forming new (permanent) habits, losing the bullshit excuses, being absolutely serious about, realistic about, and committed to - change. Forever change. This ain't gonna be another failed, short-term attempt unless YOU let that happen. At some stage we've all gotta stop trying stuff and start doing stuff. Once and for all. Lecture over.

I feel better.

Some news:

RYL Workshops

Baldy and I are currently exploring the possibility and feasibility of conducting RYL Workshops in the following cities: Sydney, Perth, Brisbane and Los Angeles. The reason these places are on our radar is because the enquiries and feedback we've had suggest that they might be viable locations to run our one-day program. But then again maybe they're not. We would appreciate your input, suggestions, feedback and advice on the matter. I'm currently in negotiation with someone in L.A. who is looking to run an open-to-the-public RYL workshop some time in the second half of 2008, but as I have no profile in the States (beyond this site), that might prove to be something of a challenge. We'll see. Workshop for three anyone? If the idea of a RYL workshop in your area is of interest to you, let us know via the comment thingy at the bottom of this post or send us an email. Or, if you would like to help us organise and facilitate (practically and logistically) a workshop in your area - let us know - we'll put you on the payroll!

A Melbourne get-together.

Following a little prompting, Baldy and I thought that we might organise a humble little get-together for you Melbournites. A little brunch, perhaps a coffee or two, some stimulating conversation and possibly a few laughs. The point of these infrequent gatherings is to have some fun, connect with some like-minded people, say hi to the Bald Man and I and of course, to bring me cheesecake. Only serious.

It's usually a very informal and unsophisticated gathering, so don't feel intimidated or uncomfortable to come along. Love to see you there.

When: Saturday June 7, 11.00am

Where: Sarands Restaurant, 532 Hampton Street, Hampton. Ph: 03 95988944.

(Just kidding about the cheesecake)

Enjoy your day Kids.

Ciao.

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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Revelation from a Gossip Mag

Five year-old mags

The other day I was at Sydney airport and I found myself sitting in a teeny weeny coffee shop drinking a very over-priced and extremely average cup of luke-warm decaf coffee. I know, I know - you don't need to tell me. Anyway, to compliment my less-than-inspiring beverage, I thought I'd stimulate my bored mind by making the most of some of the five year-old trashy mags on offer for us lucky coffee shop patrons. Yip-frickin-ee.

Amy who?

As I'm not a big reader of gossip-type mags, they proved to be something of an educational and eye-opening experience for the bored motivational speaker from Melbourne. After warming up with the latest (but then maybe it wasn't) goss on Britney, Paris, Lindsay, Madonna, Amy Winehouse (didn't know who she was but do now) and of course, Brangelina, I found myself engrossed in a story about Oprah's weight-loss attempt number seven thousand and forty two (or something like that). As I was reading about her on-going weight saga, something profound occurred to me.

It ain't about ability, intelligence, money, resources or intelligence

Here's this (amazingly talented, clever and successful) woman who desperately wants to lose weight and has unlimited access to the absolute best of the best in every field. World-renowned experts, whoever she wants or needs to help her achieve her physical goals - she has them all right there at her finger tips. Not too many people are gonna say no to Oprah. The best doctors (Dr. Oz), trainers (Bob Greene), psychologists (Dr. Phil), chefs, dieticians... you name it, she's got it - or got access to it.

Guess what else she's got?

A fat body.

Still.

I don't really need to expand on that do I?

Now, before you Oprah fans write and tell to me how nasty I am, save your energy - I'm a fan too. This article is not actually about Oprah or her weight issues. If you think it is, then you've missed the point.

* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.

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Monday, May 26, 2008

The Parable of the Chocaholic

Hi Guys. Hope you enjoyed your weekend and had some fun.

We have had quite the response to our Shove with Love post on Friday and it seems that quite a few of you are ready to do different to create different. Good. I look forward to your Friday updates and I hope that this can genuinely be a turning point for all of you who committed to the twenty eight days - not just another short-term behavioural change.

On with today's post.....

A Love Story. Of sorts.

Once upon a time in a land not too far from your house lived a fat bloke named Sam. You may have seen him around but probably didn't know his name. Sam had been fat most of his life but vaguely remembered a time when he was "just like the normal kids". He remembered that time fondly but also with a degree of sadness. At the age of seven Sam's life changed; he discovered and fell in love with, Chocolate. All things chocolate; chocolate ice-cream, chocolate cake, chocolate spread, chocolate biscuits, chocolate milkshakes, hot chocolate, chocolate fudge and of course, pure chocolate. Aaaah... pure chocolate. Nirvana. Instant happiness. Just the word chocolate gave him a sense of pleasure and familiar comfort. As his love affair with chocolate blossomed, so too did his girth and weight.

Fat Sam

By the time Sam was fifteen he weighed one hundred and forty kilos (308 lbs) and was known to most people as Fat Sam. Not everyone called him that to his face but many did. Sometimes he would even call himself that in an attempt to show how much it didn't bother him. But in reality, it did. A lot. The big chubby happy guy wasn't really so happy. Having the word fat precede his name didn't do much for the teenager's self-esteem, confidence or social standing, so just before his sixteenth birthday he decided to lose weight - the first attempt of many. He cut back on his chocolate intake and did some exercise. It wasn't enjoyable at all. He lasted one week. He missed his drug of choice and hated being uncomfortable. By seventeen his weight had reached one fifty (330 lbs) and he was having trouble finding clothes to fit. On the advice of his doctor, he undertook another weight-loss program, this time with the help of a dietician and a personal trainer. He lasted three weeks before he succumbed to the allure of his nemesis. Or was it his lover? Both perhaps.

Self-loathing

For months he kept up the 'charade' of healthy eating and exercise when eyes were watching but all the while he was secretly visiting his lover at every opportunity. They shared many tender and memorable moments together but ultimately it would always end in despair. In the throes of that chocolate-driven passion, he would lose himself over to the sensory pleasure that only chocolate could provide. In an essentially miserable life, his lover gave him momentary glimpses of joy. Glimpses followed by extended periods of regret, depression and self-loathing.

In a strange and seemingly masochistic ritual, Sam would regularly haul himself into the bathroom, remove his clothes and analyse every square inch of his fat self in the mirror. Standing there with tears rolling down his cheeks he would make yet another decision to change his body and his life. Like a man on a mission, he would find and remove every ounce of chocolate from the house. Only to replace it all the next day.

Riding the merry-go-round

By the time he reached twenty, with his weight approaching one seventy (over 370lbs), his life was a constant series of weight-loss attempts. He was forever getting on and off the weight-loss merry-go-round. Stopping and starting. Frustration and disappointment. He tried every diet known to man and used every pill, powder and potion on the market but still managed to gain weight - always because of the chocolate. He always said he wanted to do it but just couldn't. His doctor told him that his chocolate addiction was an emotional and psychological issue and that his weight was merely a physical consequence of some deeper underlying problem. While not really understanding what on earth the good doc was talking about, he agreed to visit a psychologist.

The shrink concurred with the doc.. "when you master your mind, you'll master your body and your chocolate addiction Sam". He saw the shrink for two years and managed to gain ten kilos in the process. He continued to indulge himself in his obsession but at least now he understood why! Every Monday he would start the process again. On a very good week he would last two or maybe three days without chocolate but typically he wouldn't make it past Monday night.

Fat farms and gurus

The subsequent years saw Sam visit three fat farms, more psychologists, a hypno-therapist, numerous doctors and specialists, a very expensive life coach, a dozen or so dieticians and a string of personal trainers. While simultaneously maintaining his destructive commitment to his high-calorie lover.

For a few years he went down the personal development route in an attempt to effectively deal with his chocolate problem. Numerous workshops, books, CD's, DVD's and motivational websites all amounted to more debt and momentary behavioural change at best. He even visited some over-priced motivator dude (Craig someone) with no results.

Hanging out with Mr Chocolate Fudge

Two weeks before his thirtieth birthday Sam was sitting in his favourite chair, watching one of his favourite TV shows and was about to spend some quality time with one of his best friends in the world; Mr Chocolate Fudge (you may have met him yourself). Still hating his body, still trying to find a solution, still alternating between gluttony and self-loathing. And now fatter, heavier and unhealthier than ever. Lonely, sad and huge. Still desperately wanting to change but seemingly incapable. His frame of mind would skip from motivated to depressed to I-don't-care-anymore. Typically leaning towards the latter.

Oops...

As he shoved his first piece of fudge into his mouth he experienced an unfamiliar sensation; a racing heart beat - which the doctor would later refer to as something called tachycardia. Being fully committed to the chocolate cause, he chose to ignore the weird heart thing and plough into his fudge. With every bite his heart rate increased. He began to feel faint and could sense himself sweating profusely - even more than normal. His face began to feel hot and then cold, so too his extremities. He began to feel himself panic. He wasn't sure what was happening but for a moment thought he was going to die. With the anxiety came an even higher heart rate. The big fella dropped his fudge to the floor and began to feel drowsy. He slumped down in his re-enforced chair and his eyes closed shut.

Fortunately for Sam, his loving and long-suffering mother was in the next room. She found her gigantic, unconscious son and called the ambulance.

Hospital

When Sam woke up he was in an unfamiliar environment; a hospital. He hated them with a passion. They scared him. At least he wasn't dead though. For a few hours nurses came in and out of his room and poked and prodded him. They took blood, adjusted tubes, read charts and checked his temperature. Nobody could or would explain to him exactly what had happened. "The specialist will be in soon, Sam" one of the nurses informed him. "To do what", he enquired. "To explain your condition."

"I have a condition!?"

All of a sudden, he was scared. Petrified even. Hours passed, numerous people came in and out of the room and still, the specialist hadn't arrived. Lying there in that strange mechanical bed, in that strange sterile environment with an assortment of tubes, wires and other scarey-looking things protruding from his body, Sam felt incredibly fragile and vulnerable. How ironic; a fragile giant. Staring out of the window, he replayed parts of his life over and over in his mind. "What a pathetic and pointless existence", he thought to himself. But as pointless and pathetic as it may, or may not have been, he knew one thing for sure - he didn't want it to end.

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

After what seemed like an eternity, an old bloke with a kind face and glasses appeared at the door. He looked over the top of his specs at the scene before him and walked into the room. He looked at Sam without speaking and then picked up some charts at the end of the bed. "Hmmm" he said, stroking his short, neat beard between his index finger and his thumb. Sam felt a little confused and even more nervous.

The old bloke looked up from the chart and proceeded to speak. "Sam you have a condition known as chocolate poisoning. Although it sounds funny, it's actually a condition which effects a small percentage of people who have consumed excessive amounts of chocolate over an extended period of time. Your body now recognises and responds to chocolate as a toxin." Chocolate!! Sam hadn't even thought about chocolate for hours and for the first time in living memory, the idea of it didn't seem at all appealing to him. "I must be sick", he thought.

"I'll what??!!"

The doctor explained to Sam that his excessive sugar and caffeine consumption (found in the chocolate) over such an extended period of time had all but killed him. "Apart from the obvious fact that you're morbidly obese, if you continue to eat chocolate your nervous system will shut down and your heart will stop beating." Sam felt the blood drain from his face. "You have over-fed your fat body (with excessive calories) and over-stimulated your nervous system (with excessive sugar and caffeine) for far too long, your next piece of chocolate will most probably be your last. In fact, it will probably be your last anything. Your body has reached it's chocolate threshold Sam. The not-so-happy-go-lucky fat bloke sat there in stunned silence.

"You mean if I eat chocolate again I will die?"
"Yes."
"You're not speaking metaphorically?"
"No Sam, the next piece of chocolate you eat will kill you - literally."
"You're not just trying to scare me?"
"No!" screamed the frustrated doctor.

Sam left hospital two days later.

He never ate chocolate again. Ever. Never even considered it.

Amazingly, the man who couldn't give up chocolate no matter what he did or how hard he tried, instantly had no discipline problems, no motivational issues and more than enough will power and self control to do whatever it would take to live. All of a sudden the bloke who had tried everything and everyone but absolutely couldn't stop eating chocolate, found it incredibly easy to do so. In the following year he lost just over a hundred kilos (220lbs), went from fat to fit, almost dead to healthy and miserable to incredibly happy.

Like all of us, Sam always had the ability to do something life-changing and amazing. He always had the potential to transform his body and his situation but sadly, he was addicted to not only chocolate but to comfort also. It wasn't until he was faced with the ultimate discomfort (his own imminent death) that he used what was always there - an innate ability to transform his life and situation. All of a sudden that switch flicked in his head and instantly certain behaviours became non-negotiables. What a pity he had to knock on death's door to get to that point.

Transformation can be a decision away or it can be a ongoing saga which ruins our life year after miserable year. Either way, we make it so.

* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.

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Friday, May 23, 2008

A Shove with Love - A Kickstart to Change.

Morning (afternoon, evening) Groovers.

Stepping into reality

Thought we might be a little less theoretical and philosophical, and a bit more practical today. Always nice to get out of our head and into reality. We all have behaviours and habits that we need to change and from time to time we all need a little encouragement and support, possibly a vigorous shove, to get under way. So I'm here today to give you a shove. You can relax and feel safe in the knowledge that I am a fully qualified and vastly experienced shover. I have shoved many over my journey, including a few statues who have made the job pretty tough. I know that some of you are career procrastinators who have been about to address certain less-than-desirable habits forever; always at the brink of something life-changing but never quite there. And that some of you have even started (four hundred times) but never actually maintained.

The caring sledgehammer

Knowing that many of you are perpetually waiting for the magical and mythical 'right time' (it doesn't exist) and knowing that many of you struggle to create and maintain momentum, I thought that today I might give some of you a shove with love. You may even like it. I'll be gentle. Gentle like a sledgehammer. A caring sledgehammer.

Yep, I want you to identify one habit which you really need to change right now. Not soon, now. Not when it suits you, now. Not when you're comfortable to do so, now. It can be any behaviour which is impacting negatively in some area of your life. It might be about food or exercise, it could be alcohol or drug related, it could have something to do with how you treat yourself or others, it might pertain to work, home or somewhere else. It may have something to do with how you deal with or react to certain situations, circumstances, events or people. It might be about your lifestyle, your finances, your long-term goals or perhaps some other kind of destructive habit (lying, stealing, violence, self-abuse, obsessive behaviours). You know what you need to change.

We all want to move from the negative to the positive in our life, that's why we come to this site. But there needs to come a time when we stop planning, talking and thinking and start doing. Thinking doesn't create change, doing does. Some of you think too much and do too little. You know it.

One habit at a time

The reason I want you to identify one habit (only) for this 28-day project is because the more things we try to change in a short time, the less likely we are to maintain those behaviours (what we want) and create life-long results. By identifying our single most destructive habit and addressing that in a strategic, practical and un-emotional manner, we greatly increase our chances of success. People who try to undo years of bad behaviours and change fifty habits in a short amount of time invariably fail. So let's do what works.

Of course 28 days isn't a lifetime but it's enough time for me (and the other readers) to help you generate some momentum, build some enthusiasm and hopefully start to create some new habits, behaviours and attitudes to get you where you want to go over the long term. Of course I can only get you started, and of course, ultimately it all comes back to you. But for some of you, this little project might just be a life-changing process - if YOU make it so.

How to get involved.

Click on the comment thingy and tell me (us) the following.

1. The habit you're going to address over the 28 days.
2. Why it's necessary for you to change that habit.
3. Why it will be different this time.

Keep it short(ish), we don't need an essay - just the facts Jack. If you are uncomfortable to leave your name then do it anonymously but keep in mind that public declarations can often be an effective way to create and maintain momentum. Name or not - it's not crucial.

Even though I'm not particularly good at waiting, I'm going to make the official 'start date' of this little extravaganza next Monday (May 26). I'm doing this to allow a few days for people who don't visit the site daily (shame on you) to get involved without missing the official start. Of course you can start in the next five minutes if you like, and for many of you that would be advisable. Either way, the official kick-off is next Monday and we'll wrap it up on Sunday June 22 (RYL Workshop day).

Friday updates.

To keep you accountable and doing what you need to do, you will be required to submit a brief 'update' every Friday by clicking on the comment thingy at the bottom of that day's post. That will help you stay focused, committed and proactive. Feel free to jump in and comment on each other's goals and progress at any time. Encouragement and support is fundamental to success. If this concept flies, is well-supported and seems to be of value, then we'll continue the process beyond the 28 days by using our forum.

Okay, stop over-thinking, get off the fence, click on the comment thingy and tell us what amazing things you're gonna do over the next 28 days.

Ciao Kids.

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Thursday, May 22, 2008

Functional Intelligence

Intelligence and our perception of it is something which has fascinated me for as long as I can remember. We live in a world which reveres academic ability, but in reality, exactly how valuable is it? Is it more likely to translate to success or happiness than some other attribute or quality - say, determination, creativity or resilience? "Oh, she's so smart, she's going to be a doctor." According to some people, having a PhD. is the high watermark for intelligence. Until of course, the doctor's BMW breaks down in the middle of nowhere - then you might want someone with less intelligence and more common sense around to help the genius get home. Maybe the intelligent person ain't so smart after all? Is smart the same as intelligent? And what about common sense - where does that fit in? Is it a type of intelligence? If so, how do we assess it? Do we need to assess it?

Does it come in different shapes and sizes?

Come to think of it, who would you rather be marooned on an uninhabited island with: the academic with the 180 I.Q. or the bloke that grew up on the farm who's got big arms and is really good at killing stuff and building stuff? Personally, I'll pick Jim-Bob thanks. Who's the clever one now? Maybe the criteria for assessing intelligence might change when you're on a remote island. Maybe someone who is intelligent in suburbia might be stupid in the wilderness. Or perhaps, just less valuable. Less skilled perhaps. Or perhaps intelligent in a different way. Is intelligence something which is relevant or specific to a situation, circumstance, task or even location?

Social intelligence

And what about socially? No offense to my high I.Q. friends, but my cousin the molecular biologist might not be the girl you want to rely on to set your big party alight. Not sure that an impromptu lecture on DNA testing is really what your guests are after. She's great with a microscope, not so good with people. She doesn't really listen, can't create rapport, has no sense of humour, talks too loud, brings every conversation back to herself and constantly offends people. Other than that she's awesome. Maybe she ain't smart after all? But she scores so high on those tests... so she must be.

Creative intelligence

What about creativity, is that a form of intelligence? What about the girl who can't spell cat but can sing in perfect pitch and has a range of five octaves? Is she a dumbo who can sing, or is she creatively intelligent? Or something else? And the guy who can paint like a master but crashed out of school in grade nine, what about him? How do we rate him? In fact, why do we rate him? Maybe it's all the ranking, rating and classifying (labelling) that's the problem?

I.Q. testing

Since the early 1900's conventional wisdom (there's another term worth discussing) and (most) academic thinking has told us that we should measure intelligence via a few standardised and commonly accepted I.Q. (Intelligence Quotient) tests. Subjects complete a written test, receive a score and then discover how intelligent they are. Or aren't. Simple. Participants (often kids) are rated from below average (learning impaired) to genius. Then, they are usually treated accordingly.

Now... is it just me, or does anyone else see a problem with this?

I personally know quite a few intelligent people who (in certain situations and circumstances) can be kinda stupid. I'm know 'cause I'm one of them! I'm no genius (clearly) but I score reasonably well on I.Q. tests. However, put me in a situation where I need to do anything remotely mechanical and instantly I have the I.Q. of a wombat (see photo). A s

tupid wombat. If anything needs to be fixed, don't ring me. I'm about as mechanical as an apple. And if you wanna know what's going on with the storyline in a movie, don't ask me - I never know. "Who's that guy with the gun again... and why does he wanna shoot her?

The Matrix nearly killed me.

No, they're not mutually exclusive

Now, before you highly intelligent folk get all offended and write to me, don't misinterpret what I'm saying. I'm not saying that having a high I.Q. automatically equates to zero common sense, negligible people skills, no sense of humour or limited creative ability. Of course not. But isn't it interesting to consider some of those absolutely brilliant, gifted, amazing and clever people that you and I both know who, when 'rated' by an I.Q. test, would possibly be told that they're below average intelligence.

Functional intelligence

Maybe we should forget about rating academic intelligence and focus more on identifying and developing functional intelligence for life. The type of intelligence that allows us to deal most effectively, realistically and practically with life and it's numerous challenges. Intelligence which lets us negotiate our way through the various situations, circumstances, relationships, lumps and bumps that is our existence here on the big blue ball.

Now that would be smart.

* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.

* Don't forget guys - there's only one month (today) until our Renovate Your Life Workshop.

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Tuesday, May 20, 2008

What do you think I should think?

He said, she said..

Yesterday I checked out a forum on another website (sorry). The discussion I took a peek at was basically a bunch of pro and anti Law-of-Attraction people taking swipes at each other; trading insults and running down each other's respective beliefs, opinions and philosophies. Overall, pretty uplifting stuff. Not. They got kind of nasty and pretty personal. Abusive even. It makes me laugh when people who are (supposedly) all about self-improvement and changing the world, stoop to name-calling and trading insults. Morons.

Just kidding.

It amazes me how closed-minded some open-minded people are. Reading the discussion (a.k.a. slanging match) on the forum, a few thoughts and questions occurred to me:

1. The truth about truth

At what point do we recognise that we've become arrogant and self-righteous in our beliefs and ideas? For example, if we believe that we're absolutely right about a certain issue (in a not-up-for-discussion kind of way), then don't we close ourselves off to the possibility of gaining some new insight or learning another truth? Or perhaps learning the real truth? After all, is there any chance that we could be wrong and someone else right? Crazy thought I know but apparently it can happen. If, for example, you strongly believe in evolution or creation (either one - doesn't really matter for this discussion) and you know that you're right (you won't consider another view - "talk to the hand"), doesn't that make you somewhat arrogant? With some things we can't really know (with absolute certainty), we can only know what we think we know. If you know what I mean. Perhaps we believe what we're comfortable to believe? Perhaps we believe what we've been told we should believe. Perhaps we believe what our parents believe - because it's easy and we tend to avoid hard. If we look at the various religions of the world, unless I'm mistaken, the whole basis of faith is believing in something that we can't prove. If we could prove it then we wouldn't need faith because we would have knowledge. With me? Then how can we be so arrogant, self-righteous and judgmental about something that we can't prove? Something we don't know for sure. We seem to find a way.

2. The (non)thinker

Something else occurred to me as I read the forum: many people don't really think for themselves or truly search for, or discover, their own truths, beliefs and values. They simply adopt the thoughts, ideas and beliefs of others, becoming parrots who memorise and recite the mantras of their friends, gurus, teachers, parents, preachers and idols. They mindlessly adopt someone else's thinking and language. "I'm not sure what I think, what do you think I should think?" While it's (mostly) wise to listen to, consider and respect other people, it's also good to think independently and to discover your own truth. To step away from the influences of others and explore for yourself. Or maybe, explore yourself. Away from the dominating and controlling parents or partner, away from the religious indoctrination and emotion, and away from the pressure placed upon you by so many different forces to think, believe and do things in a particular way. Imagine that you - yes the exact same you (same DNA) - grew up in a different culture, with different parents, different schooling, different friends and completely different influences. Would you have the same 'absolute' beliefs, ideas, values and knowledge that you do sitting in that chair right now? Absolutely not. It's possible that alternative you could be arguing with current you (the person you are now) on an Internet forum from the other side of the world about your erroneous and stupid beliefs!

3. Cost-effective cloning

Simply adopting someone else's ideas and beliefs isn't learning; it's laziness, apathy, indifference and perhaps even weakness. A cheap version of human cloning. Real learning and understanding comes from personal exploration and revelation. Agreeing with someone else is fine but not just because you like or respect them. Agree with them because you've considered and explored their thoughts and beliefs and you've learned the same truth for yourself. I have many friends and colleagues whom I respect immensely but disagree with often. I like them but I don't necessarily like all of their ideas or agree with all of their beliefs. And that's fine. I like it that we disagree. I like it that they challenge and teach me. Part of the human experience is to be comfortable being different, being wrong and making mistakes. I'm happy to have people challenge me (and they do often) as long as those people come from a good place; a place of logical thinking, humility and honesty. A place of mutual respect and integrity. I won't discuss an issue with someone who is clearly emotional, irrational, defensive or reactive; someone who wants to ram their opinion down my throat at any cost. I am wrong

often, I have made many mistakes and will undoubtedly make many more. I'm fine with that. It's a pretty fundamental part of the human experience. When I stop making mistakes then I'm really in trouble because I'm dead. I choose to take risks, choose to seek my own truth, choose to share my ideas and thoughts (with willing readers) and am infinitely aware of my fallibility, my humanity and my numerous flaws. To me it's tragic that so many people feel compelled to 'believe what they're told' rather than being comfortable to learn and express their own truth. Blindly following someone doesn't make you a student or a free-thinker, it makes you a cult-member or a sheep. "Baaah". Explore the definition of a cult and you'll realise that I'm not being facetious or provocative when I say that many programs, organisations, churches and even businesses are thinly disguised cults. They want compliance, obedience, commitment and of course, your money. And not too much independent thought.

But then again... I could be wrong

Even with what I write, don't believe me because you like or respect me as a teacher or writer. Perhaps my truth is not yours. Maybe I'm wrong. But if you do agree with me, then do so because you have considered, explored and tested my thoughts and ideas and discovered them to be true for you. Think for yourself. Learn for yourself. Respect and listen to others but be you, not some nasty-ass replica.

And just think, all of that came from five minutes of reading a forum - good thing I wasn't on there for an hour. Jeeez it's busy in my head. Love your thoughts on this post and this topic.

Ciao.

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Monday, May 19, 2008

Emotional Investment

Hi Guys, hope you had a fun weekend. I had a great time in Sydney, met some awesome craigharperdotcom folk (scored a cheesecake - thanks Asma) and my presentations went well. Thanks for your well wishes. You may wanna get yourself a coffee and a comfy chair for today's post. I got a little carried away and lost track of time. When I write I fall into a time void. Anyway, on with the show...

Living large.

Imagine you have just landed your first full-time job, just moved to the big smoke and you're earning the enormous salary of five hundred dollars per week. Yep, you're living large. Fat City. Five hundred bucks to run your life. All of it: petrol, food, rent, clothes, car loan, insurances, household bills and if you're lucky, the odd social outing. You're single and you've cleverly snagged yourself a luxury one bedroom mansion overlooking a very attractive second-hand car dealership for the bargain price (never to be repeated, once in a lifetime deal) of two hundred dollars per week. Well it's not so much one bedroom as it is 'one room'. Anyway, it's space efficient, it's conveniently located (according to the agent) and it's all yours. Okay, yours and the roaches.

Things get interesting.

So the rent means you're down to three hundred bucks per week straight away. And then of course you need to factor in the payments on your 'brand new' eleven year-old Toyota Corolla, complete with the window-mounted Garfield and the not-very-professional purple window tint - that's gonna set you back an additional seventy smackers each week. Let's really hope that piece of motoring history doesn't fall apart any time soon - repairs are expensive. By the time you put some petrol in that bad boy and pay for some registration and insurance, you're down to about one eighty per week. Hmmm. Things are getting interesting.

Where did that money go?

Being as you're human, you may also need to eat at some stage. Let's see... maybe twenty bucks per day for food should cover it. Now your enormous weekly income has been reduced to about forty dollars to pay bills, buy some clothes, entertain house guests (or should I say, guest - the mansion has a capacity of two), see a movie (annually perhaps) and of course, put some left-over in the bank.

Good luck with that last one.

What tax?

You survive week one of your new job and you're proud of yourself. You've done well. It's Friday and you stride triumphantly from work with your first weeks' wage in your hand. As you make your way to your car, you excitedly remove the contents from the company envelope. All four hundred and thirty dollars of it! What! "Frickin' Tax Man", you mumble to yourself. Okay, looks like you might be down to ten dollars per day for the food thing. Unperturbed, you head to the shopping mall with a smile on your face - you're about to invest some of your hard-earned dollars.

So much money and so little time

Walking towards the supermarket to stock up on essentials, you pass an electronics store displaying a sexy compact stereo in the window; the perfect accessory for your cosy living situation. It's small, it's been reduced to half price and you don't have a sound system for the mansion, so you treat yourself. You figure you deserve it and see the half-price sticker as some kind of cosmic sign. The fact that you can't afford it and it's a stupid way to invest your limited resources doesn't really occur to you. However, way back in the dark recesses of your brain there's a tiny little voice protesting the decision, but you figure it's just your parents annoying you telepathically. "Always spend your money on what you need and put it where you'll get the best return on that investment" your father told you not even a week ago.

A few little treats

Instantly, you've just reduced the contents of your envelope to under three hundred bucks. You arrive at the supermarket and you're excited. You shop up a storm. As well as spending twice what you should on groceries, you also treat yourself to a new digital clock (a necessity), chocolate biscuits for the visitors (must be a good host), some expensive fluffy towels (they last longer and feel good on your skin), a heart-rate monitor (you're about to take up running any day) and some half-priced sunglasses (clearly a great saving).

You proceed to the register, pay the bill and your four hundred and thirty bucks is now down to less than seven. What!! You haven't paid rent (due Monday), you still need to put petrol in the car (the needle is on 'E'), and somehow, you need to repay your friend that thousand bucks she loaned you to get yourself established. Oops.

Runnin' on empty

You drive home with the petrol light flashing and the car coughs and splutters it's way up to the curb outside your place. You're officially on empty - in more ways than one. You carry all your unnecessary and expensive acquisitions into the apartment and sit in the dark feeling sorry for yourself. You have made some stupid decisions and you have not invested wisely. You certainly haven't got the best return on what you had. Not even close. Now you're under real pressure. The elation and excitement have made way for anxiety, misery and the reality of your situation.

An expensive habit

Amazingly, this destructive and illogical pattern of spending continues for months (with the help of your newly-acquired credit cards) and pretty soon you find yourself in a seemingly hopeless and desperate situation. You slip into a depressive state as the gravity of your dilemma hits home. You don't sleep. You tell lies to cover your tracks. You don't answer your phone because you're scared of who's chasing money on the other end and you become incredibly lonely, miserable, pessimistic and anxious.

The only thing that gives you a momentary reprieve from your misery is more shopping. Of course. So you continue to shop with money you don't have and continue to dig yourself into a deeper and deeper hole.

You've wasted what you had and invested poorly.

Now...

Imagine that this (much longer than intended) story is a metaphor for how and where we invest our emotional dollars (emotional energy). How we spend what we have. How we waste and misuse our emotional assets. And as crazy and as unlikely as the above story might seem to some of you (although it's actually pretty common), in many ways it parallels how many of us manage (or don't manage) our emotions.

Wasting our emotional dollars

The truth is that many of us waste our emotional dollars every single day. We are constantly making withdrawals from our emotional bank account and investing that currency without thinking or planning. We are reactive, self-destructive and irrational, and we spend those emotional dollars on things (people, situations, conversations, problems, arguments, relationships) which not only give us a poor return, but ultimately make our life an unproductive, frustrating misery.

Finding the bad

We get angry, we blame, we criticise, we judge, we resent, we envy and we even hate, all the while having an enormous capacity and potential for love, joy, kind

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