This site is the website of motivational speaker Craig Harper. A constantly updated, one-stop information, inspiration, education and motivation station. Unlike many similar sites, it is a totally free resource for anyone who is serious about moving from mediocre to amazing in any area of their personal or professional life. With hundreds of articles covering a wide range of subject matter, great interviews with cool people and inspirational video posts, there's more than enough brain-food to keep you busy for hours. Okay, days!! Enjoy.
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Fattitude
- Craig Harper
While many books focus on food,
Craig teaches that creating life-long change is more about the
dieter, than the actual diet. This book is perfect for people who have a
history of 'almost' getting in shape.
DVD
or CD - Renovate Your Body In this entertaining presentation, Craig discusses the
notion of Renovating Your Body - once and for all. Many of us have a curious
ability to be able to get in shape for events (weddings, parties, reunions
and birthdays), if only we'd get in shape for life.
Craig Harper is Australia's leading
motivational speaker
and educator (according to Google Australia). He is a highly
sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be
a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and
professional development.
Working with hundreds of
teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations
on numerous continents over the last twenty years
has given Craig a unique insight into, and
understanding of, human performance and all its
variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire,
challenge and make people laugh all at the same
time!
Well, it's the first Friday (update day) of our Shove with Love, habit-changing project which means that all of you wacky funsters who publicly committed to changing your nastiest habit need to tell the rest of us how you're travelling. Simply click on the comment thingy below and unload. Feel free to read all the comments and encourage each other - you might enjoy it and take some pressure off me to be the lone encourager and coach. In fact, I would love a team of coaches, motivators and encouragers. Nice thought. Anyway team, I trust you had a great week and I hope you all have some fun this weekend. Remember fun? Also, take a look at our latest book review (review 21) by the lovely Jo Deekerhere. Feel free to comment on the reviewed book, to encourage our reviewer, or just say hi and add your thoughts.
Over the last twenty five years the gym owner, the motivator, the educator and the exercise scientist (me) has had about twenty million (ish) similar conversations. They all went something like this:
CH: "So, you're here to get in shape?" FB: (fat bloke/chick) "Yep." (enthusiastic response) CH: "Are you ready to do what needs to be done?" FB: (slight delay in response) "er, yeah... I guess" (less enthusiastic) CH: "So, why are you so overweight now?" FB: "Well my parents are quite big people and most of my family just has that body type." CH: "So you think your problem is largely genetic?" FB: "Yep... and I also think it's age-related." CH: "The weight gain is because you're getting older?" FB: "Yeah, that's part of it." CH: "Okay... How's your diet?" FB: "Yeah (pause).. uhm, overall pretty healthy." CH: "Really?" FB: "Er... (looking at the floor)... yeah... mostly." CH: "So why haven't you been exercising lately?" FB: (starting to fidget) "Well, I have had a lot of issues with my back... and my ankle plays up a bit when it's cold." CH: "But you're not injured at the moment?" FB: "Er... not as such, no." CH: "Not as such?" FB: "No." CH: "So why aren't you exercising right now?" FB: "For me it's mostly a time issue." CH: "So you'd like to be exercising but there's not enough hours in the day?" FB: (shifting in seat) "Pretty much." CH: "You joined a gym a year ago but only went for three weeks, what happened?" FB: "It really didn't work for me, I didn't like the vibe or the energy of that place." CH: "The vibe?" FB: "Yeah and the staff weren't very friendly." CH: "Anything else?" FB: "Well, it was a bit of a drive... and by the time I got home it was pretty late." CH: "Anything else?" FB: "Yeah, I found the workout they wrote me to be a bit boring." CH: "Does a workout need to be entertaining?" FB: Goofy facial expression, no response. CH: (now fantasizing about slapping FB) "You said your brother is a personal trainer, why aren't you working out with him?" FB: "Er, oh yeah... well.. he's kinda busy and I.. aaah, well.. it's... wow, that's a cool clock!" CH: "So you know that all those business lunches are a big part of your problem, don't you?" FB: "Yeah but that's an important part of my job, I have to entertain clients so I don't really have a choice with that." CH: "Really?" FB: "Well, I can't be seen as anti-social, it's not good business." CH: "Bad business huh?" FB: "Yep." CH: "Is that a chocolate bar sticking out of your pocket?" FB: "Oh yeah, it's a treat for my son when I get home." CH: "Is he overweight by any chance?" FB: "Er.. a little." CH: (now visualising my forehead making contact with FB's nose) "Perfect."
Now here's the conversation I dream of having:
CH: "Why are you so fat?" FB: "I eat too much, I make poor choices, I'm lazy, I waste time, I make excuses, I'm precious, I find reasons to get offended, I procrastinate, I complain, I lie about my habits, I never finish anything, I look for shortcuts, I avoid anything hard, I blame my genetics and my age, I medicate with alcohol and I've always had a terrible attitude." CH: "So your biggest problem is you?" FB: "Yep." CH: "Ready to change all that?" FB: "Absolutely."
I wonder if I'll ever have that conversation?
Postscript:
Don't forget Groovers, tomorrow (Friday) is our first update day for our littleShove with Loveproject. So all you crazy kids who committed to changing one nasty-ass habit over 28 days are required to provide the rest of us with a little(ish) update as to how you're travelling heading towards the end of week one. I look forward to hearing about your progress... enjoy your day.
* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
Good morning (afternoon, evening) Rock Stars. Hope you're all bursting out of your skin with energy, excitement, passion and an annoyingly good attitude today. Not literally (bursting) of course, that would be messy. Handy thing skin.
Well, our Shove with Love post (28 days to change that killer habit) has gone off like a frog in a sock here at medotcom. It seems that plenty of us still have at least one significant destructive habit that needs to go. Don't you HabitChangers forget that every Friday is your update day; your chance to tell the rest of us how you're travelling with your goal, your challenges and your commitment to change. And depending on how you're progressing, we may be compelled to give you a cyberhug, a cyberkick in the butt, a finger-pointing lecture or some words of encouragement. 'Cause we care. Of course. It's all about creating momentum, forming new (permanent) habits, losing the bullshit excuses, being absolutely serious about, realistic about, and committed to - change. Forever change. This ain't gonna be another failed, short-term attempt unless YOU let that happen. At some stage we've all gotta stop trying stuff and start doing stuff. Once and for all. Lecture over.
I feel better.
Some news:
RYL Workshops
Baldy and I are currently exploring the possibility and feasibility of conducting RYL Workshops in the following cities: Sydney, Perth, Brisbane and Los Angeles. The reason these places are on our radar is because the enquiries and feedback we've had suggest that they might be viable locations to run our one-day program. But then again maybe they're not. We would appreciate your input, suggestions, feedback and advice on the matter. I'm currently in negotiation with someone in L.A. who is looking to run an open-to-the-public RYL workshop some time in the second half of 2008, but as I have no profile in the States (beyond this site), that might prove to be something of a challenge. We'll see. Workshop for three anyone? If the idea of a RYL workshop in your area is of interest to you, let us know via the comment thingy at the bottom of this post or send us an email. Or, if you would like to help us organise and facilitate (practically and logistically) a workshop in your area - let us know - we'll put you on the payroll!
A Melbourne get-together.
Following a little prompting, Baldy and I thought that we might organise a humble little get-together for you Melbournites. A little brunch, perhaps a coffee or two, some stimulating conversation and possibly a few laughs. The point of these infrequent gatherings is to have some fun, connect with some like-minded people, say hi to the Bald Man and I and of course, to bring me cheesecake. Only serious.
It's usually a very informal and unsophisticated gathering, so don't feel intimidated or uncomfortable to come along. Love to see you there.
The other day I was at Sydney airport and I found myself sitting in a teeny weeny coffee shop drinking a very over-priced and extremely average cup of luke-warm decaf coffee. I know, I know - you don't need to tell me. Anyway, to compliment my less-than-inspiring beverage, I thought I'd stimulate my bored mind by making the most of some of the five year-old trashy mags on offer for us lucky coffee shop patrons. Yip-frickin-ee.
Amy who?
As I'm not a big reader of gossip-type mags, they proved to be something of an educational and eye-opening experience for the bored motivational speaker from Melbourne. After warming up with the latest (but then maybe it wasn't) goss on Britney, Paris, Lindsay, Madonna, Amy Winehouse (didn't know who she was but do now) and of course, Brangelina, I found myself engrossed in a story about Oprah's weight-loss attempt number seven thousand and forty two (or something like that). As I was reading about her on-going weight saga, something profound occurred to me.
It ain't about ability, intelligence, money, resourcesor intelligence
Here's this (amazingly talented, clever and successful) woman who desperately wants to lose weight and has unlimited access to the absolute best of the best in every field. World-renowned experts, whoever she wants or needs to help her achieve her physical goals - she has them all right there at her finger tips. Not too many people are gonna say no to Oprah. The best doctors (Dr. Oz), trainers (Bob Greene), psychologists (Dr. Phil), chefs, dieticians... you name it, she's got it - or got access to it.
Guess what else she's got?
A fat body.
Still.
I don't really need to expand on that do I?
Now, before you Oprah fans write and tell to me how nasty I am, save your energy - I'm a fan too. This article is not actually about Oprah or her weight issues. If you think it is, then you've missed the point. * Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
Hi Guys. Hope you enjoyed your weekend and had some fun.
We have had quite the response to our Shove with Love post on Friday and it seems that quite a few of you are ready to do different to create different. Good. I look forward to your Friday updates and I hope that this can genuinely be a turning point for all of you who committed to the twenty eight days - not just another short-term behavioural change.
On with today's post.....
A Love Story. Of sorts.
Once upon a time in a land not too far from your house lived a fat bloke named Sam. You may have seen him around but probably didn't know his name. Sam had been fat most of his life but vaguely remembered a time when he was "just like the normal kids". He remembered that time fondly but also with a degree of sadness. At the age of seven Sam's life changed; he discovered and fell in love with, Chocolate. All things chocolate; chocolate ice-cream, chocolate cake, chocolate spread, chocolate biscuits, chocolate milkshakes, hot chocolate, chocolate fudge and of course, pure chocolate. Aaaah... pure chocolate. Nirvana. Instant happiness. Just the word chocolate gave him a sense of pleasure and familiar comfort. As his love affair with chocolate blossomed, so too did his girth and weight.
Fat Sam
By the time Sam was fifteen he weighed one hundred and forty kilos (308 lbs) and was known to most people as Fat Sam. Not everyone called him that to his face but many did. Sometimes he would even call himself that in an attempt to show how much it didn't bother him. But in reality, it did. A lot. The big chubby happy guy wasn't really so happy. Having the word fat precede his name didn't do much for the teenager's self-esteem, confidence or social standing, so just before his sixteenth birthday he decided to lose weight - the first attempt of many. He cut back on his chocolate intake and did some exercise. It wasn't enjoyable at all. He lasted one week. He missed his drug of choice and hated being uncomfortable. By seventeen his weight had reached one fifty (330 lbs) and he was having trouble finding clothes to fit. On the advice of his doctor, he undertook another weight-loss program, this time with the help of a dietician and a personal trainer. He lasted three weeks before he succumbed to the allure of his nemesis. Or was it his lover? Both perhaps.
Self-loathing
For months he kept up the 'charade' of healthy eating and exercise when eyes were watching but all the while he was secretly visiting his lover at every opportunity. They shared many tender and memorable moments together but ultimately it would always end in despair. In the throes of that chocolate-driven passion, he would lose himself over to the sensory pleasure that only chocolate could provide. In an essentially miserable life, his lover gave him momentary glimpses of joy. Glimpses followed by extended periods of regret, depression and self-loathing.
In a strange and seemingly masochistic ritual, Sam would regularly haul himself into the bathroom, remove his clothes and analyse every square inch of his fat self in the mirror. Standing there with tears rolling down his cheeks he would make yet another decision to change his body and his life. Like a man on a mission, he would find and remove every ounce of chocolate from the house. Only to replace it all the next day.
Riding the merry-go-round
By the time he reached twenty, with his weight approaching one seventy (over 370lbs), his life was a constant series of weight-loss attempts. He was forever getting on and off the weight-loss merry-go-round. Stopping and starting. Frustration and disappointment. He tried every diet known to man and used every pill, powder and potion on the market but still managed to gain weight - always because of the chocolate. He always said he wanted to do it but just couldn't. His doctor told him that his chocolate addiction was an emotional and psychological issue and that his weight was merely a physical consequence of some deeper underlying problem. While not really understanding what on earth the good doc was talking about, he agreed to visit a psychologist.
The shrink concurred with the doc.. "when you master your mind, you'll master your body and your chocolate addiction Sam". He saw the shrink for two years and managed to gain ten kilos in the process. He continued to indulge himself in his obsession but at least now he understood why! Every Monday he would start the process again. On a very good week he would last two or maybe three days without chocolate but typically he wouldn't make it past Monday night.
Fat farms and gurus
The subsequent years saw Sam visit three fat farms, more psychologists, a hypno-therapist, numerous doctors and specialists, a very expensive life coach, a dozen or so dieticians and a string of personal trainers. While simultaneously maintaining his destructive commitment to his high-calorie lover.
For a few years he went down the personal development route in an attempt to effectively deal with his chocolate problem. Numerous workshops, books, CD's, DVD's and motivational websites all amounted to more debt and momentary behavioural change at best. He even visited some over-priced motivator dude (Craig someone) with no results.
Hanging out with Mr Chocolate Fudge
Two weeks before his thirtieth birthday Sam was sitting in his favourite chair, watching one of his favourite TV shows and was about to spend some quality time with one of his best friends in the world; Mr Chocolate Fudge (you may have met him yourself). Still hating his body, still trying to find a solution, still alternating between gluttony and self-loathing. And now fatter, heavier and unhealthier than ever. Lonely, sad and huge. Still desperately wanting to change but seemingly incapable. His frame of mind would skip from motivated to depressed to I-don't-care-anymore. Typically leaning towards the latter.
Oops...
As he shoved his first piece of fudge into his mouth he experienced an unfamiliar sensation; a racing heart beat - which the doctor would later refer to as something called tachycardia. Being fully committed to the chocolate cause, he chose to ignore the weird heart thing and plough into his fudge. With every bite his heart rate increased. He began to feel faint and could sense himself sweating profusely - even more than normal. His face began to feel hot and then cold, so too his extremities. He began to feel himself panic. He wasn't sure what was happening but for a moment thought he was going to die. With the anxiety came an even higher heart rate. The big fella dropped his fudge to the floor and began to feel drowsy. He slumped down in his re-enforced chair and his eyes closed shut.
Fortunately for Sam, his loving and long-suffering mother was in the next room. She found her gigantic, unconscious son and called the ambulance.
Hospital
When Sam woke up he was in an unfamiliar environment; a hospital. He hated them with a passion. They scared him. At least he wasn't dead though. For a few hours nurses came in and out of his room and poked and prodded him. They took blood, adjusted tubes, read charts and checked his temperature. Nobody could or would explain to him exactly what had happened. "The specialist will be in soon, Sam" one of the nurses informed him. "To do what", he enquired. "To explain your condition."
"I have a condition!?"
All of a sudden, he was scared. Petrified even. Hours passed, numerous people came in and out of the room and still, the specialist hadn't arrived. Lying there in that strange mechanical bed, in that strange sterile environment with an assortment of tubes, wires and other scarey-looking things protruding from his body, Sam felt incredibly fragile and vulnerable. How ironic; a fragile giant. Staring out of the window, he replayed parts of his life over and over in his mind. "What a pathetic and pointless existence", he thought to himself. But as pointless and pathetic as it may, or may not have been, he knew one thing for sure - he didn't want it to end.
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
After what seemed like an eternity, an old bloke with a kind face and glasses appeared at the door. He looked over the top of his specs at the scene before him and walked into the room. He looked at Sam without speaking and then picked up some charts at the end of the bed. "Hmmm" he said, stroking his short, neat beard between his index finger and his thumb. Sam felt a little confused and even more nervous.
The old bloke looked up from the chart and proceeded to speak. "Sam you have a condition known as chocolate poisoning. Although it sounds funny, it's actually a condition which effects a small percentage of people who have consumed excessive amounts of chocolate over an extended period of time. Your body now recognises and responds to chocolate as a toxin." Chocolate!! Sam hadn't even thought about chocolate for hours and for the first time in living memory, the idea of it didn't seem at all appealing to him. "I must be sick", he thought.
"I'll what??!!"
The doctor explained to Sam that his excessive sugar and caffeine consumption (found in the chocolate) over such an extended period of time had all but killed him. "Apart from the obvious fact that you're morbidly obese, if you continue to eat chocolate your nervous system will shut down and your heart will stop beating." Sam felt the blood drain from his face. "You have over-fed your fat body (with excessive calories) and over-stimulated your nervous system (with excessive sugar and caffeine) for far too long, your next piece of chocolate will most probably be your last. In fact, it will probably be your last anything. Your body has reached it's chocolate threshold Sam. The not-so-happy-go-lucky fat bloke sat there in stunned silence.
"You mean if I eat chocolate again I will die?" "Yes." "You're not speaking metaphorically?" "No Sam, the next piece of chocolate you eat will kill you - literally." "You're not just trying to scare me?" "No!" screamed the frustrated doctor.
Sam left hospital two days later.
He never ate chocolate again. Ever. Never even considered it.
Amazingly, the man who couldn't give up chocolate no matter what he did or how hard he tried, instantly had no discipline problems, no motivational issues and more than enough will power and self control to do whatever it would take to live. All of a sudden the bloke who had tried everything and everyone but absolutely couldn't stop eating chocolate, found it incredibly easy to do so. In the following year he lost just over a hundred kilos (220lbs), went from fat to fit, almost dead to healthy and miserable to incredibly happy.
Like all of us, Sam always had the ability to do something life-changing and amazing. He always had the potential to transform his body and his situation but sadly, he was addicted to not only chocolate but to comfort also. It wasn't until he was faced with the ultimate discomfort (his own imminent death) that he used what was always there - an innate ability to transform his life and situation. All of a sudden that switch flicked in his head and instantly certain behaviours became non-negotiables. What a pity he had to knock on death's door to get to that point.
Transformation can be a decision away or it can be a ongoing saga which ruins our life year after miserable year. Either way, we make it so.
* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
Thought we might be a little less theoretical and philosophical, and a bit more practical today. Always nice to get out of our head and into reality. We all have behaviours and habits that we need to change and from time to time we all need a little encouragement and support, possibly a vigorous shove, to get under way. So I'm here today to give you a shove. You can relax and feel safe in the knowledge that I am a fully qualified and vastly experienced shover. I have shoved many over my journey, including a few statues who have made the job pretty tough. I know that some of you are career procrastinators who have been about to address certain less-than-desirable habits forever; always at the brink of something life-changing but never quite there. And that some of you have even started (four hundred times) but never actually maintained.
The caring sledgehammer
Knowing that many of you are perpetually waiting for the magical and mythical 'right time' (it doesn't exist) and knowing that many of you struggle to create and maintain momentum, I thought that today I might give some of you a shove with love. You may even like it. I'll be gentle. Gentle like a sledgehammer. A caring sledgehammer.
Yep, I want you to identify one habit which you really need to change right now. Not soon, now. Not when it suits you, now. Not when you're comfortable to do so, now. It can be any behaviour which is impacting negatively in some area of your life. It might be about food or exercise, it could be alcohol or drug related, it could have something to do with how you treat yourself or others, it might pertain to work, home or somewhere else. It may have something to do with how you deal with or react to certain situations, circumstances, events or people. It might be about your lifestyle, your finances, your long-term goals or perhaps some other kind of destructive habit (lying, stealing, violence, self-abuse, obsessive behaviours). You know what you need to change.
We all want to move from the negative to the positive in our life, that's why we come to this site. But there needs to come a time when we stop planning, talking and thinking and start doing. Thinking doesn't create change, doing does. Some of you think too much and do too little. You know it.
One habit at a time
The reason I want you to identify one habit (only) for this 28-day project is because the more things we try to change in a short time, the less likely we are to maintain those behaviours (what we want) and create life-long results. By identifying our single most destructive habit and addressing that in a strategic, practical and un-emotional manner, we greatly increase our chances of success. People who try to undo years of bad behaviours and change fifty habits in a short amount of time invariably fail. So let's do what works.
Of course 28 days isn't a lifetime but it's enough time for me (and the other readers) to help you generate some momentum, build some enthusiasm and hopefully start to create some new habits, behaviours and attitudes to get you where you want to go over the long term. Of course I can only get you started, and of course, ultimately it all comes back to you. But for some of you, this little project might just be a life-changing process - if YOU make it so.
How to get involved.
Click on the comment thingy and tell me (us) the following.
1. The habit you're going to address over the 28 days. 2. Why it's necessary for you to change that habit. 3. Why it will be different this time.
Keep it short(ish), we don't need an essay - just the facts Jack. If you are uncomfortable to leave your name then do it anonymously but keep in mind that public declarations can often be an effective way to create and maintain momentum. Name or not - it's not crucial.
Even though I'm not particularly good at waiting, I'm going to make the official 'start date' of this little extravaganza next Monday (May 26). I'm doing this to allow a few days for people who don't visit the site daily (shame on you) to get involved without missing the official start. Of course you can start in the next five minutes if you like, and for many of you that would be advisable. Either way, the official kick-off is next Monday and we'll wrap it up on Sunday June 22 (RYL Workshop day).
Friday updates. To keep you accountable and doing what you need to do, you will be required to submit a brief 'update' every Friday by clicking on the comment thingy at the bottom of that day's post. That will help you stay focused, committed and proactive. Feel free to jump in and comment on each other's goals and progress at any time. Encouragement and support is fundamental to success. If this concept flies, is well-supported and seems to be of value, then we'll continue the process beyond the 28 days by using our forum.
Okay, stop over-thinking, get off the fence, click on the comment thingy and tell us what amazing things you're gonna do over the next 28 days.
Intelligence and our perception of it is something which has fascinated me for as long as I can remember. We live in a world which reveres academic ability, but in reality, exactly how valuable is it? Is it more likely to translate to success or happiness than some other attribute or quality - say, determination, creativity or resilience? "Oh, she's so smart, she's going to be a doctor." According to some people, having a PhD. is the high watermark for intelligence. Until of course, the doctor's BMW breaks down in the middle of nowhere - then you might want someone with less intelligence and more commonsense around to help the genius get home. Maybe the intelligent person ain't so smart after all? Is smart the same as intelligent? And what about common sense - where does that fit in? Is it a type of intelligence? If so, how do we assess it? Do we need to assess it?
Does it come in different shapes and sizes?
Come to think of it, who would you rather be marooned on an uninhabited island with: the academic with the 180 I.Q. or the bloke that grew up on the farm who's got big arms and is really good at killing stuff and building stuff? Personally, I'll pick Jim-Bob thanks. Who's the clever one now? Maybe the criteria for assessing intelligence might change when you're on a remote island. Maybe someone who is intelligent in suburbia might be stupid in the wilderness. Or perhaps, just less valuable. Less skilled perhaps. Or perhaps intelligent in a different way. Is intelligence something which is relevant or specific to a situation, circumstance, task or even location?
Social intelligence
And what about socially? No offense to my high I.Q. friends, but my cousin the molecular biologist might not be the girl you want to rely on to set your big party alight. Not sure that an impromptu lecture on DNA testing is really what your guests are after. She's great with a microscope, not so good with people. She doesn't really listen, can't create rapport, has no sense of humour, talks too loud, brings every conversation back to herself and constantly offends people. Other than that she's awesome. Maybe she ain't smart after all? But she scores so high on those tests... so she must be.
Creative intelligence
What about creativity, is that a form of intelligence? What about the girl who can't spell cat but can sing in perfect pitch and has a range of five octaves? Is she a dumbo who can sing, or is she creatively intelligent? Or something else? And the guy who can paint like a master but crashed out of school in grade nine, what about him? How do we rate him? In fact, why do we rate him? Maybe it's all the ranking, rating and classifying (labelling) that's the problem? I.Q. testing
Since the early 1900's conventional wisdom (there's another term worth discussing) and (most) academic thinking has told us that we should measure intelligence via a few standardised and commonly accepted I.Q. (Intelligence Quotient) tests. Subjects complete a written test, receive a score and then discover how intelligent they are. Or aren't. Simple. Participants (often kids) are rated from below average (learning impaired) to genius. Then, they are usually treated accordingly.
Now... is it just me, or does anyone else see a problem with this?
I personally know quite a few intelligent people who (in certain situations and circumstances) can be kinda stupid. I'm know 'cause I'm one of them! I'm no genius (clearly) but I score reasonably well on I.Q. tests. However, put me in a situation where I need to do anything remotely mechanical and instantly I have the I.Q. of a wombat (see photo). A stupid wombat. If anything needs to be fixed, don't ring me. I'm about as mechanical as an apple. And if you wanna know what's going on with the storyline in a movie, don't ask me - I never know. "Who's that guy with the gun again... and why does he wanna shoot her?
The Matrix nearly killed me.
No, they're not mutually exclusive
Now, before you highly intelligent folk get all offended and write to me, don't misinterpret what I'm saying. I'm not saying that having a high I.Q. automatically equates to zero common sense, negligible people skills, no sense of humour or limited creative ability. Of course not. But isn't it interesting to consider some of those absolutely brilliant, gifted, amazing and clever people that you and I both know who, when 'rated' by an I.Q. test, would possibly be told that they're below average intelligence.
Functional intelligence
Maybe we should forget about rating academic intelligence and focus more on identifying and developing functional intelligence for life. The type of intelligence that allows us to deal most effectively, realistically and practically with life and it's numerous challenges. Intelligence which lets us negotiate our way through the various situations, circumstances, relationships, lumps and bumps that is our existence here on the big blue ball.
Now that would be smart.
* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
Yesterday I checked out a forum on another website (sorry). The discussion I took a peek at was basically a bunch of pro and anti Law-of-Attraction people taking swipes at each other; trading insults and running down each other's respective beliefs, opinions and philosophies. Overall, pretty uplifting stuff. Not. They got kind of nasty and pretty personal. Abusive even. It makes me laugh when people who are (supposedly) all about self-improvement and changing the world, stoop to name-calling and trading insults. Morons.
Just kidding.
It amazes me how closed-minded some open-minded people are. Reading the discussion (a.k.a. slanging match) on the forum, a few thoughts and questions occurred to me:
1.The truth about truth
At what point do we recognise that we've become arrogant and self-righteous in our beliefs and ideas? For example, if we believe that we're absolutely right about a certain issue (in a not-up-for-discussion kind of way), then don't we close ourselves off to the possibility of gaining some new insight or learning another truth? Or perhaps learning the real truth? After all, is there any chance that we could be wrong and someone else right? Crazy thought I know but apparently it can happen. If, for example, you strongly believe in evolution or creation (either one - doesn't really matter for this discussion) and you know that you're right (you won't consider another view - "talk to the hand"), doesn't that make you somewhat arrogant? With some things we can't really know (with absolute certainty), we can only know what we think we know. If you know what I mean. Perhaps we believe what we're comfortable to believe? Perhaps we believe what we've been told we should believe. Perhaps we believe what our parents believe - because it's easy and we tend to avoid hard. If we look at the various religions of the world, unless I'm mistaken, the whole basis of faith is believing in something that we can't prove. If we could prove it then we wouldn't need faith because we would have knowledge. With me? Then how can we be so arrogant, self-righteous and judgmental about something that we can't prove? Something we don't know for sure. We seem to find a way.
2.The (non)thinker
Something else occurred to me as I read the forum: many people don't really think for themselves or truly search for, or discover, their own truths, beliefs and values. They simply adopt the thoughts, ideas and beliefs of others, becoming parrots who memorise and recite the mantras of their friends, gurus, teachers, parents, preachers and idols. They mindlessly adopt someone else's thinking and language. "I'm not sure what I think, what do you think I should think?" While it's (mostly) wise to listen to, consider and respect other people, it's also good to think independently and to discover your own truth. To step away from the influences of others and explore for yourself. Or maybe, explore yourself. Away from the dominating and controlling parents or partner, away from the religious indoctrination and emotion, and away from the pressure placed upon you by so many different forces to think, believe and do things in a particular way. Imagine that you - yes the exact same you (same DNA) - grew up in a different culture, with different parents, different schooling, different friends and completely different influences. Would you have the same 'absolute' beliefs, ideas, values and knowledge that you do sitting in that chair right now? Absolutely not. It's possible that alternativeyou could be arguing with current you (the person you are now) on an Internet forum from the other side of the world about your erroneous and stupid beliefs!
3.Cost-effective cloning
Simply adopting someone else's ideas and beliefs isn't learning; it's laziness, apathy, indifference and perhaps even weakness. A cheap version of human cloning. Real learning and understanding comes from personal exploration and revelation. Agreeing with someone else is fine but not just because you like or respect them. Agree with them because you've considered and explored their thoughts and beliefs and you've learned the same truth for yourself. I have many friends and colleagues whom I respect immensely but disagree with often. I like them but I don't necessarily like all of their ideas or agree with all of their beliefs. And that's fine. I like it that we disagree. I like it that they challenge and teach me. Part of the human experience is to be comfortable being different, being wrong and making mistakes. I'm happy to have people challenge me (and they do often) as long as those people come from a good place; a place of logical thinking, humility and honesty. A place of mutual respect and integrity. I won't discuss an issue with someone who is clearly emotional, irrational, defensive or reactive; someone who wants to ram their opinion down my throat at any cost. I am wrong often, I have made many mistakes and will undoubtedly make many more. I'm fine with that. It's a pretty fundamental part of the human experience. When I stop making mistakes then I'm really in trouble because I'm dead. I choose to take risks, choose to seek my own truth, choose to share my ideas and thoughts (with willing readers) and am infinitely aware of my fallibility, my humanity and my numerous flaws. To me it's tragic that so many people feel compelled to 'believe what they're told' rather than being comfortable to learn and express their own truth. Blindly following someone doesn't make you a student or a free-thinker, it makes you a cult-member or a sheep. "Baaah". Explore the definition of a cult and you'll realise that I'm not being facetious or provocative when I say that many programs, organisations, churches and even businesses are thinly disguised cults. They want compliance, obedience, commitment and of course, your money. And not too much independent thought.
But then again... I could be wrong
Even with what I write, don't believe me because you like or respect me as a teacher or writer. Perhaps my truth is not yours. Maybe I'm wrong. But if you do agree with me, then do so because you have considered, explored and tested my thoughts and ideas and discovered them to be true for you. Think for yourself. Learn for yourself. Respect and listen to others but be you, not some nasty-ass replica.
And just think, all of that came from five minutes of reading a forum - good thing I wasn't on there for an hour. Jeeez it's busy in my head. Love your thoughts on this post and this topic.
Ciao.
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Hi Guys, hope you had a fun weekend. I had a great time in Sydney, met some awesome craigharperdotcom folk (scored a cheesecake - thanks Asma) and my presentations went well. Thanks for your well wishes. You may wanna get yourself a coffee and a comfy chair for today's post. I got a little carried away and lost track of time. When I write I fall into a time void. Anyway, on with the show... Living large.
Imagine you have just landed your first full-time job, just moved to the big smoke and you're earning the enormous salary of five hundred dollars per week. Yep, you're living large. Fat City. Five hundred bucks to run your life. All of it: petrol, food, rent, clothes, car loan, insurances, household bills and if you're lucky, the odd social outing. You're single and you've cleverly snagged yourself a luxury one bedroom mansion overlooking a very attractive second-hand car dealership for the bargain price (never to be repeated, once in a lifetime deal) of two hundred dollars per week. Well it's not so much one bedroom as it is 'one room'. Anyway, it's space efficient, it's conveniently located (according to the agent) and it's all yours. Okay, yours and the roaches.
Things get interesting.
So the rent means you're down to three hundred bucks per week straight away. And then of course you need to factor in the payments on your 'brand new' eleven year-old Toyota Corolla, complete with the window-mounted Garfield and the not-very-professional purple window tint - that's gonna set you back an additional seventy smackers each week. Let's really hope that piece of motoring history doesn't fall apart any time soon - repairs are expensive. By the time you put some petrol in that bad boy and pay for some registration and insurance, you're down to about one eighty per week. Hmmm. Things are getting interesting.
Where did that money go?
Being as you're human, you may also need to eat at some stage. Let's see... maybe twenty bucks per day for food should cover it. Now your enormous weekly income has been reduced to about forty dollars to pay bills, buy some clothes, entertain house guests (or should I say, guest - the mansion has a capacity of two), see a movie (annually perhaps) and of course, put some left-over in the bank.
Good luck with that last one.
What tax?
You survive week one of your new job and you're proud of yourself. You've done well. It's Friday and you stride triumphantly from work with your first weeks' wage in your hand. As you make your way to your car, you excitedly remove the contents from the company envelope. All four hundred and thirty dollars of it! What! "Frickin' Tax Man", you mumble to yourself. Okay, looks like you might be down to ten dollars per day for the food thing. Unperturbed, you head to the shopping mall with a smile on your face - you're about to invest some of your hard-earned dollars.
So much money and so little time
Walking towards the supermarket to stock up on essentials, you pass an electronics store displaying a sexy compact stereo in the window; the perfect accessory for your cosy living situation. It's small, it's been reduced to half price and you don't have a sound system for the mansion, so you treat yourself. You figure you deserve it and see the half-price sticker as some kind of cosmic sign. The fact that you can't afford it and it's a stupid way to invest your limited resources doesn't really occur to you. However, way back in the dark recesses of your brain there's a tiny little voice protesting the decision, but you figure it's just your parents annoying you telepathically. "Always spend your money on what you need and put it where you'll get the best return on that investment" your father told you not even a week ago.
A few little treats
Instantly, you've just reduced the contents of your envelope to under three hundred bucks. You arrive at the supermarket and you're excited. You shop up a storm. As well as spending twice what you should on groceries, you also treat yourself to a new digital clock (a necessity), chocolate biscuits for the visitors (must be a good host), some expensive fluffy towels (they last longer and feel good on your skin), a heart-rate monitor (you're about to take up running any day) and some half-priced sunglasses (clearly a great saving).
You proceed to the register, pay the bill and your four hundred and thirty bucks is now down to less than seven. What!! You haven't paid rent (due Monday), you still need to put petrol in the car (the needle is on 'E'), and somehow, you need to repay your friend that thousand bucks she loaned you to get yourself established. Oops.
Runnin' on empty
You drive home with the petrol light flashing and the car coughs and splutters it's way up to the curb outside your place. You're officially on empty - in more ways than one. You carry all your unnecessary and expensive acquisitions into the apartment and sit in the dark feeling sorry for yourself. You have made some stupid decisions and you have not invested wisely. You certainly haven't got the best return on what you had. Not even close. Now you're under real pressure. The elation and excitement have made way for anxiety, misery and the reality of your situation.
An expensive habit
Amazingly, this destructive and illogical pattern of spending continues for months (with the help of your newly-acquired credit cards) and pretty soon you find yourself in a seemingly hopeless and desperate situation. You slip into a depressive state as the gravity of your dilemma hits home. You don't sleep. You tell lies to cover your tracks. You don't answer your phone because you're scared of who's chasing money on the other end and you become incredibly lonely, miserable, pessimistic and anxious.
The only thing that gives you a momentary reprieve from your misery is more shopping. Of course. So you continue to shop with money you don't have and continue to dig yourself into a deeper and deeper hole.
You've wasted what you had and invested poorly.
Now...
Imagine that this (much longer than intended) story is a metaphor for how and where we invest our emotional dollars (emotional energy). How we spend what we have. How we waste and misuse our emotional assets. And as crazy and as unlikely as the above story might seem to some of you (although it's actually pretty common), in many ways it parallels how many of us manage (or don't manage) our emotions.
Wasting our emotional dollars
The truth is that many of us waste our emotional dollars every single day. We are constantly making withdrawals from our emotional bank account and investing that currency without thinking or planning. We are reactive, self-destructive and irrational, and we spend those emotional dollars on things (people, situations, conversations, problems, arguments, relationships) which not only give us a poor return, but ultimately make our life an unproductive, frustrating misery.
Finding the bad
We get angry, we blame, we criticise, we judge, we resent, we envy and we even hate, all the while having an enormous capacity and potential for love, joy, kindness and generosity. We major in minors. We focus on one or two negatives while being surrounded by hundreds of positives. We find the bad when there is so much good. When others see opportunities and lessons, we only see problems. While others are moving on, we're stewing and brooding. Plotting, planning and scheming revenge and retribution. Making ourselves sick, wasting our potential, hurting others and getting deeper and deeper into emotional debt ourselves.
And all for what? Does giving ourselves over to those negative emotions help in any way? Nope. Is there a positive outcome? Never.
Investment and return
Let's pretend for a moment that you have a finite amount of emotional currency to spend each week (just like the wage in the above story) and that you need to invest those dollars wisely to ensure the best possible return, to manage your emotional health (stay happy, content and productive) and to improve the quality of your life and hopefully the lives of others. Of course, we could argue back and forth about the notion of having a finite amount of emotional dollars to spend each day or week, but I think we can safely say that our emotional bank account is not some bottomless pit. It can run out from time to time. And for many people it does - sometimes for months or years at a time. I think we all know people who have invested their emotional dollars poorly and have suffered the consequences of living on or below the emotional poverty line.
Emotional beings
At our core we are all emotional beings. Virtually every decision, reaction and behaviour comes (on some level) from an emotional need or trigger, and while we love to see ourselves as essentially logical, rational, pragmatic creatures, the truth is, so often we're not. For the most part, we are overwhelmingly emotional beings. This can be good and bad. Amazing and terrifying. Positive and destructive. And at it's most extreme, life and death.
Every day, consciously or not, we're investing our emotional dollars somewhere; sometimes wisely, sometimes not so much. And while anger, resentment, jealousy, bitterness and even hatred all seem to make perfect 'sense' (a logical investment) at the time (as did the clock, the stereo, the towels, etc. in the above story), the sad reality is that they only ever lead to emotional bankruptcy, pain and destruction. Destruction of physical health, relationships, businesses and ultimately, lives.
We all want the same thing
When we dumb down the whole personal development thing and bring this particular discussion back to what we all want - happiness, peace, fulfillment, meaning and love - it becomes apparent that real success is far more about how and where we invest our emotional dollars than it is about what we can accumulate in a financial or commercial sense. Show me a millionaire who doesn't spend her emotional dollars wisely and I'll show you someone who's miserable and wanting more. Living a life she really doesn't enjoy.
And no, being financially and emotionally wealthy do not need to be mutually exclusive. We don't need to choose one or the other, but if it's real happiness and joy we seek then we should invest heavily into our emotional portfolio.
Postscript:
* Over the last two weeks I have watched with both interest and despair the enormous human tragedy unfolding in Burma and China in the wake of their respective natural disasters. Watching a broadcast last night brought a tear to my eye; a mother draped over her lifeless child, wailing in uncontrollable emotional pain and looking to the sky in absolute despair. Humanity at it's rawest. As the camera drew back from the woman and panned across the landscape, the magnitude of the devastation and suffering became apparent. At that moment sitting there on my comfortable couch, in my comfortable house I truly became aware that I have no real problems. And that if I can get out of my own way, stop sabotaging myself and do good despite my (numerous) issues, then maybe I can be part of the change in the world that Gandhi spoke of.
While we all have our individual challenges, the truth is that you and I are privileged and have much to celebrate. Even though we might not always feel like it. If you're using a computer now, then you're rich compared to the majority of our six billion brothers and sisters. If you have food, shelter and education then you're in the global minority.
If we want to find our way back to misery we can.
I choose not.
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Good morning (afternoon, evening) Team. Yeah I know, the title is a little blunt but hey, maybe that's what we need today. If not you personally, then perhaps someone you know. You might wanna anonymously slip this post into their pigeon hole or letter box. Or be brave and simply put it in their hand. Staple it to their forehead maybe. Anyway, try not to use the words "hereyago Fatty" as you hand it over. I was gonna come up with some wacky, clever, creative name for today's installment on me-dot-com but sometimes blunt and clear is more effective and productive than witty and amusing.
So why this post? To be honest, I have written way too many posts (magazine articles etc.) over the years on this topic or similar but the truth is:
1. We (the society) still miss the point. 2. We still make the same stupid mistakes. 3. We're still frickin' fat (take a look around). 4. I still get asked (emailed) all the same questions. Constantly.
While I would prefer to be writing something a little more philosophical and thought-provoking today, I thought it timely and appropriate for me to share the top ten reasons why we don't get in shape and stay that way (according to me). My observations and recent experiences tell me that plenty of us still need this lesson. Each of the following ten points will be self-explanatory and brief. There should be no need for lengthy discussion or further explanation. Just compliance. The whole fat thing ain't that complex but we seem to have made it that way. It's in some people's best (financial) interest to do so.
It amuses and amazes me that with the wealth of information, education, inspiration and research we all have available at our finger tips, we still find new and creative ways to be fat. As I've said many times, the difference between fat and fit ain't information or education (not a popular thing for an educator to say!) - it's you. You're the answer and the problem. Always have been, always will be. Your attitude, your behaviour and your choices will determine your results.
Here we go:
1. We start things we won't maintain. Yep, we are models of inconsistency. We have almost been doing things for years. We have an amazing ability to start and stop fifteen new programs/diets (etc.) every year. For many of us the biggest barrier to permanent results is simply the reality that we don't finish what we start. It's that complex. Gyms owners can rely on the fact that the vast majority of people who sign up for a twelve month membership won't turn up too often, if at all.
2. We react emotionally rather than plan and behave logically. When it comes to exercise, diet, lifestyle and our body in general, we are reactive, emotional creatures. But you know that. If only we'd throw a little logic into the picture, we might see some better results.
3. Generic exercise programs. If we all had the same genetics, the same goals, the same medical issues, the same (current) fitness level and were all the same age, then generic exercise programs would be fabbo. Fortunately we're all different. Our exercise programs should be too. The program you ripped out of the fitness mag ain't gonna be your best chance of success - no matter what the beefcake or the bimbo in the advertisement said.
4. We're soft. Yep, we're big babies. Many of us simply don't train hard enough to get results. We go through the motions and have been for a long time. We're maintaining rather than progressing. The objective of exercise is to stimulate our body physically (stress it) so that it will need to adapt (get fitter, leaner, bigger, smaller, faster, more flexible). The problem is that we need to get uncomfortable to adapt and many of us have an aversion to discomfort. Bummer. Don't do what's comfortable, do what works. Look for effective not easy.
5. No variety in our workouts. If we always train the same, we'll always look the same. And we do. On both accounts. So many of us are creatures of habit. When it comes to our exercise program we should be creatures of variety if we want to keep our body changing and the results coming. Try a completely different workout and you'll discover how fit you aren't (if you know what I mean).
6. Too much fuel in the tank. I know we all know this but it would be remiss of me not too mention the fact that we simply eat too much. Waaaaaaaaaaay too much. We're fat because we eat food we don't need. Constantly. If the only piece of dietary advice we took any notice of was to reduce our food intake by 30%(ish) we'd have next to zero obesity. Sadly, that seems too complex for some people. Better try another five hundred-page diet book.
7. We get in shape for events. Yep, we get in shape for weddings, birthdays, parties, reunions and even seasons (summer), if only we'd get in shape for life. We're good at getting our head around behavioural change for four to six weeks, now we need to try four to six decades. How dare I be so practical.
8. We talk crap. When it comes to the state of our body, we talk crap. We just do. We constantly rationalise, justify, explain and blame away our fat selves. If only we'd be honest, responsible, accountable, proactive and consistent - then we'd get in shape and stay that way. Again, this stuff ain't rocket science.
9. Optional behaviours. As I said recently in TheNon-Optional Stuff as long as we make certain behaviours (optimal eating, exercising and living) optional then we'll never reach our goals and we'll forever be on and off the weight-loss merry-go-round.
10. Attitude. Yeah I know, this is a very Craig Harper thing to say but I can't help myself. It's a fact Jack - it is what it is. Some people simply make the getting-in-shape process a nightmare because they are nightmares themselves. When I talk to people in my role as an exercise science bloke, I'm actually more interested in their attitude than I am their genetics or their physical potential. Experience has taught me that when it comes to creating life-long change, psychology plays much more of a role than physiology.
See you (interested and willing) Sydneysiders at the Novotel (Darling Harbour) tonight at 7.30 for some chat, a few laughs and possibly some cheesecake. We'll meet in the foyer and figure it out from there. Too easy. Enjoy your day.
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Hi Guys! Take a look at book review 20 The Diet Delusions (UK title) or Good Calorie Bad Calorie (USA title) by Kris Rollag here. Feel free to comment on the reviewed book, to encourage Kris, or just say hi and add your thoughts. Sydneysiders, don't forget I'm in town tomorrow night for a casual catch-up on Darling Harbour (see yesterdays post). Enjoy your day Groovers.
Hi Guys. I will be in Sydney this Thursday speaking at the MFAA Convention and then up to the Central Coast on Friday to speak at a Conference for Westpac. I will be staying at the Novatel on Darling Harbour on Thursday night and as I have some free time, I thought that some of you might wanna hook up for a chat and a coffee. Possibly a feed. Maybe some arm wrestling. Anyway, I will be in the foyer of the Novatel at 7.30 sharp this Thursday night (15th) if any of you would like to hang out with me for an hour or two. There could be twenty of us - or just you and me. Or maybe just me! I look forward to meeting you if you can make it along. I will be the tall, athletic, incredibly good looking, humble one in the corner.
Also... a few years ago I read a book called Catch Me If You Can - you've probably seen the film with Leonardo DiCaprio. I was so interested in the true story and the man who wrote it (Frank Abagnale) that I read the book four or five times. It's probably a boy thing but I found his experiences to be utterly fascinating.So anyway, guess who else is speaking at the MFAA gig I'm doing? Big Frank that's who! How excited am I?He probably doesn't wanna meet me but he's going to anyway! On with today's post..
I don't like you.
Four words we hate to hear. For some reason, we all like to be liked. No revelation there. It's how we're wired. We hate it when people don't like us - even people we don't really know. Some of us will do almost anything to be liked. We love to please, even at the expense of our own happiness, values, beliefs and standards. We compromise ourselves a hundred ways and turn ourselves inside-out trying to make others like us, but in that approval-seeking process we often forget who we are and wind up being disliked by the one person whose opinion should matter the most; us.
Newsflash 1: Some people aren't gonna like you. Newsflash 2: That's okay.
That's right - life ain't fair and even though you may very well be a fantastic human being, some people will find a reason to dislike you no matter what you do or how fabulous you are. Chances are it's more about their issues than anything you have or haven't done. There are people who don't like me who have never actually met me or had a conversation with me. That's fine with me. I won't invest emotional energy into things I can't change. I will endeavour to be the best Craig Harper I can be and if my best still generates critics and people who find reason to dislike me (which it will), that's okay. The only person I can change is me, so I'll focus on improving, educating and developing myself rather than trying to create a fan club or convince people to like me.
While it's normal and very human to have the desire to be needed, liked, loved and important to others, it's also crucial for our development to get clear about who we are and what we stand for, and to live a life consistent with those values - to like ourselves. Otherwise we simply become frustrated People Pleasers.
Newsflash 3: It's okay to disagree with people. Even people you like and respect.
Newsflash 4: Some people's overwhelming need to be liked is the very thing that makes them hard to like (there's some irony for you).
Newsflash 5: For many people, their need to be liked is actually a significant barrier to their personal and professional growth.
When it comes to this issue, you might want to ask yourself these questions:
1. Do I speak the truth (while still exercising care, wisdom and understanding) even if it's not popular to do so? 2. Do I live a life which is consistent with my core values? 3. Do I operate with integrity? 4. Do I believe that my motives are good? 5. Is it my goal to be a positive influence in the lives of others? 6. Am I happy to disagree with people I like? 7. Do I (really) like me?
If you answered yes to all of the above then you're doing pretty well. If there were more crosses than ticks then you may want to make a few changes. Soon. Some short-term pain for some long-term gain.
If you really want to be liked, then stop trying to be liked and start being you.
*Don't forget, if you're in the vicinity of Darling Harbour this Thursday night come and have a weak, decaf, skim, soy latte with me. Or six beers and some pizza.
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Remember how much fun you had when you were a kid? Inventing cool stuff. Creating your own games. Decorating your bedroom like some weird-ass shrine to your fave singer/actor/band. Being a rock star in front of the mirror. Making up stupid songs with your stupid friends. Killing bad guys (maybe that was just me). Singing, dancing, drawing, painting, writing fantastical stories. Telling awesome lies to get out of stuff (me again). Generally being creative. You didn't need to worry about what your singing voice sounded like, whether or not your dancing looked silly or whether your stories made much sense at all. It didn't matter one bit because it was all about freedom of expression, developing your creative self, hanging out with your friends and of course, having fun. It was mostly about fun. And you had plenty. Because you were creating.
Early Retirement
You only learned to worry and be self-conscious about your creative self as you got older. And what a sad day it was when you learned that lesson. As you became more and more self-conscious, you became less and less creative and adventurous. You sang less, danced less, created less and took less chances. Had less fun too. Creative You became completely agoraphobic - never wanting to leave the house. Scared of public places and attention. Creative You went into semi-retirement. Looking out the window every day but rarely coming out to play.
You do remember Creative You don't you? And you do remember when you didn't care what people thought about your ability or talent? It was much easier then wasn't it? When was the last time you two spoke? It's probably been a while. Pity.
Let me out!
If you're like many people, then Creative You is still in there somewhere desperately waiting to be heard once again. Desperately wanting to play a part in your life. Or just play. Wanting to make you smile like you once did. Wanting to sing into that hairbrush, roll in the dirt, shoot the bad guy, write the fairytale, create the award-winning play and do fun stuff just because you can. Not because it's strategic or timely, not because it's what's expected and certainly not because it makes sense. No, simply because it's fun and being creative is part of who you are.
Or who you once were.
Sadly, logical and grown-up you has been running the show for too long. Creative You hasn't been seen or heard from for years. Sometimes he (she) tries to be heard but sensible, clever you simply talks louder. Sometimes sensible, clever you is an idiot.
Something from nothing
I believe passionately that many of us are happiest when we're creating. Taking an idea and turning it into a 'something'. A theory, a thought into a reality. Creating and innovating rather than duplicating and imitating. Very cool.
Like Sir Ken Robinson, I believe that most of our educational systems actually beat the creative desire out of our kids. By the time they reach their teenage years they have learned that singing, dancing, inventing, painting, drawing and expressing their creativity is less than desirable out in the real world and should take a back seat to all things academic. Not that we all need to be performers or artists (as such), but we do all need to express our creativity because on some level, that's who we are. Without creativity and original thought we simply become boring, unfulfilled clones of each other.
"I'm not sure what I think, what do you think I should think?"
We're so worried about fitting in and not looking foolish that we get scared to let our creative self have a voice. If I didn't let my creative self have a voice this blog wouldn't exist and you wouldn't be reading this article. Your life would be craig-harper-less (stop it).
Okay, bad example.
Two years ago I didn't know what a blog was and all of my writing was for magazines and books. It was mostly academic-type, science-based articles about health and fitness - not always riveting stuff. For too long I had not let my creative self have a voice (when it came to my writing anyway). I worried - "what if I write something that I find hilarious, amusing and entertaining but nobody else does?"
The genesis of medotcom
So with Johnnie kicking my ass, I decided to take a chance, create a blog and write about whatever I wanted to, rather than what my editors wanted or what other people thought was appropriate to come from the keyboard of an exercise scientist dude. I have since learned to love the creative freedom of a blog. To love having no editors. No rules. To write about what I want, when I want and if I want.
No rules
If I want to write something funny, I can. Philosophical, I can do that too. Thought-provoking, yep. Controversial, no problem. If I want to be a motivator on Tuesday, a scientist on Wednesday and a story-teller on Thursday, that's okay - cause there ain't no rules on my blog. I can even use horrible grammar and misspell wurdz because this crap doesn't get marked!!! And I can say crap too!
There are probably lots of sensible reasons why I shouldn't be a creative writer and even more reasons why you shouldn't listen to me - you know I have issues right? But hey, I'm gonna keep doing it anyway 'cause it's kinda fun.
Besides, I like creative me the most.
If the last time you did something creative was in the eighties, then why don't you surprise yourself today. Do something different. Stop doing the same. Don't do it because it's sensible, mature, responsible or strategic, do it because it gives you pleasure and it's part of who you are.
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You've decided you want to get in shape. Get a little fitter, healthier and stronger. Buff up and gain some muscle. Possibly even a six-pack. You head off to the local gym, sign on the dotted line, hand over some cash and then head straight home. You would have done a workout on the spot but it wasn't really a goodtime. So the following day you get up, put on your new gym outfit - the one you bought on credit - and head off to the club. You arrive looking resplendent in your new workout gear. You put your valuables in a locker, pin your key to your shirt and head out on to the gym floor.
You look at all the bods in the gym sweating, grunting, pushing, panting and generally getting uncomfortable and to be honest, it really doesn't look so appealing to you. The reality of exercise doesn't seem nearly as much fun as the idea of it all. And if there's one thing you like, it's fun.
Strange people on strange equipment
You move around the gym looking curiously at the strange people on the strange equipment and nothing looks particularly enticing or enjoyable. In fact, it all looks a little uncomfortable and if there's one thing you have an aversion to, it's discomfort. Finally you find something which appeals to you; a weird-looking bike, with a back rest, arm rests and a built-in TV. Giddyup. Now you're interested.
The first workout
You call over the gym dude with the big arms and little head and he shows you how to program a workout on the bike and more importantly, how to use the TV. You ignore the first part of the lesson but soak up the TV tutorial. While the multitudes sweat all around you, you stay focused on your wildlife documentary and use the pedals of the bike as nothing more than a lop-sided footstool. Literally. Not a single turn of the pedals, not a deviation of your heart rate and not a bead of sweat to be seen. Forty five minutes later your workout is done and you head back to the locker room. You return your key to reception, purchase a well-earned drink and wave goodbye to the staff at the front desk. You stride triumphantly to your car and wonder why you didn't join a gym years ago; "It ain't that hard", you think to yourself.
Getting into a routine
You enjoy your workout so much that you decide to go five days a week. You create a little ritual for yourself. Same bike, same corner of the gym, same rewarding drink at the end of each session, and of course that same triumphant power-walk to the car.
After three months of toil you're informed that you're due for your re-assessment. The dude with the little head takes you into a pokey room with a bunch of weird looking gadgets and a plethora of indecipherable charts and tables on the wall. He pokes, prods, measures and weighs you. He looks somewhat concerned. He informs you that you're fatter, heavier, weaker and less fit than when you started.
What? No results!
You're disgusted and disillusioned. You can't understand how going to the gym five days a week for three months can equate to such poor results. You tear up your membership card and you vow never to return to a gym. If only you had actually done something while you were there. If only you had got a little uncomfortable.
Now, I know watcha thinking: "as if anyone's gonna do that!"
It ain't just a silly story
Well you may (or may not) be surprised to learn that this story is a metaphor for way too many lives. Lives spent avoiding anything that looks like hard work or discomfort. Anything that might actually produce some quality results. Anything that might get people out of their secure, familiar little boxes. Anything that might cause them to learn, grow, adapt and change. Some people spend their life sitting on the comfy bike, resting their feet on the pedals (rather than turning them), watching the TV and wondering why they get zero results. Why they make no progress.
When it comes to achieving genuine personal growth and seeing real positive change in our world (as opposed to the all-too-common, short-term burst of motivation and temporary behavioural change), there's a bunch of potential hurdles and obstacles that we need to negotiate and navigate our way around in order to create the new and improved version of us. There is however one standout at the very top of most 'hurdles and obstacles' lists...
We are comfort junkies.
Yep, being addicted to comfort can be somewhat problematic, if not catastrophic, for the wanna-be, modern-day success story. The truth is, if you're not experiencing and dealing with pain, discomfort and fear on at least a semi-regular basis, you're probably not learning, growing, changing, adapting and exploring your potential as you should be. If you're all about personal growth, maximising your ability and positive change, then avoid the tough (uncomfortable, inconvenient, painful) stuff at your peril.
Life can be an amazing and incredible ride. It can also be a messy, unfair and uncomfortable place to be. It's our classroom. It's where we learn and grow - when we choose to pedal the bike. As I've said before, pain is one of our greatest teachers but we need to be willing students.
We don't learn, grow, adapt and improve by gravitating towards all things safe, comfortable, familiar and convenient. No, we actually begin to develop and change for the better when we get off the couch, roll up our sleeves and get our hands dirty. Some of us have been masters of avoidance for too long.
If you've been reclining on the comfy bike forever, then maybe it's time for you to start pedalling.
If you're serious about becoming the new-and-improved version of you, then stop looking for easy and start looking for effective. Don't do what's comfortable or convenient, do what works.
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G'day you crazy kids. Hope you're having an amazing week because that's what you've decided.
A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post called A Lesson About Learning. In it, I touched (briefly) on different learning styles and discussed how we all learn in different ways and at different rates. I also spoke about how some talented, creative kids are handicapped because most traditional educational systems simply don't cater for them.
Well, today I want to continue that theme via one of the best presentations I have ever seen (on any topic) by an enlightening and entertaining genius who goes by the name of Sir Ken Robinson. I love this guy, he is one of my favorite speakers - quirky, gifted, funny and unbelievably clever.
Even if you're not (normally) a video watcher, I would encourage you to make an exception and take 19 minutes out of your day to learn something from this truly fascinating and thought-provoking teacher.
And a big thankyou to the Spice Girls for today's title!
Apparently we should all be setting goals. It's what us high-achieving, self-help types do. We set goals and then we achieve stuff. Great formula. Seems to make sense. And then once we achieve what we set out to, we're happy. Allegedly. We've reached our goals and done what we wanted to do, so we must be over the moon right? We set specific goals because on some level we believe that by achieving those goals, we will meet a personal need. Become more fulfilled. More content. And of course achieve what we all want; the universal goal - happiness.
That wasn't the deal
But does the achievement of our goals always translate to happiness and all that other good stuff? Is it possible to achieve what you set out to but ultimately be no happier or maybe even less happy? Sometimes our goals are like those products we buy on-line; they look so good in the picture but when they arrive at our door and we take them out of the box, we discover we've been scammed. "Hey, this isn't what I signed up for".
Business goals, career goals, financial goals, health and fitness goals, sporting goals, relationship goals, lifestyle goals - all types of goals that seem to inhabit our thoughts and conversations. Apparently the goal setting process gives us clarity, purpose, direction, structure, organisation, a level of certainty and commitment, helps us create momentum and gets us closer to where we want to be.
Put simply, goals are the things we want.
But then maybe they're not. Perhaps they are only what we think we want.
What happens when we get there (achieve the goal) and it doesn't 'deliver' what we thought it would? Is that particular goal what we were really chasing, or was it only the (perceived) vehicle for providing us with what we really want?
For example:
Someone says, "my goal is to lose 25 kgs (55 lbs)"
Okay, they want to be thinner and lighter - that's their objective - but what do they really want? They want what they believe that weight loss will bring them (the goal behind the goal) - popularity, improved self-esteem, confidence, better relationships, interest from the opposite (or maybe same) sex, more opportunities and ultimately, happiness. The actual weight loss ain't what they're really after, it's merely the mechanism or vehicle to get them what they really want. The perceived benefits and advantages of being lighter and thinner.
Will weight loss necessarily deliver those (above listed) things? Is it possible to lose a bunch of weight, transform your body and still be miserable, lost, insecure and unfulfilled? You betcha. Seen it many times.
Ferrari Boy
What about the guy who really can't afford it, but is obsessed with owning a Porsche or Ferrari? What does he really want? A car that can go 300kph (180mhp) while he lives in a city where the speed limit is mostly 60 kph (35 mph)? A car that costs ten grand a year to insure, five grand for each service and can't be parked anywhere? No, he wants the (perceived) benefits of owning such a vehicle. Respect, envy, power, popularity and female attention. And if he wasn't such a big, insecure dickhead that might actually happen. But not because of a car.
Six months later he realises he's still a tool, still can't get a girl and still has all the same issues - only now he's a big, single tool with a massive debt. Dumb plan Ferrari Boy. A fancy car ain't gonna fix your numerous emotional and social issues. You might wanna consider developing a plan B. The one where you address the real issues in your life.
When I facilitate goal setting sessions with people, we focus on two key areas:
1. The Goals - what the person wants to achieve.
2. The Outcomes - what they really hope to achieve (the benefits and advantages of achieving those goals).
So next time you decide to set some goals, ask yourself "what are the goals behind my goals and what do I really want?" That's what's important.
Maybe the Spice Girls were on to something after all.
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For some of you the following will be revision, so I apologise in advance. For others, it may be a relevant and timely message. Pun intended. Timing
Yes, we've spoken about the 'time thing' before on this site but recent conversations, emails and questions tell me that too many people still believe that success or failure, is largely determined by hours in the day and/or this mysterious and hard-to-master thing called timing. For some people, apparently good timing is the key to achieving most things. And silly old me thought success was more about making decisions, using our ability, doing stuff and managing the time we have effectively. It seems that no amount of information, inspiration, education or motivation is enough to get some people past the intention and planning stage, and into the doing and producing stage; the results stage.
The mystical right time
Ever noticed how some people live their life in a holding pattern, perpetually waiting for the mystical right time to change their reality, or part thereof (career, health, relationships, destructive habits), yet mysteriously that time never seems to arrive? Talk to them on any given day and they are always about to re-invent themselves. Always about to do something huge, spectacular and life-changing. Always at the threshold of greatness - in their mind anyway. Pity they never actually get off their asses. Plenty of thinking, talking, planning, postulating, philosophizing and of course waiting, but as a rule, very little action.
They would do it of course, but amazingly it just never seems to be the right time for them. Some people have been planning for decades - if only they'd plan less, wait less and do more, they might see some real results. If success was built on intentions, they'd be incredible and if life was a theory they'd be living the dream right now but sadly, they're still only dreaming the dream.
What's it really about?
Many of us live under the illusion that creating positive change in our world is in fact largely about the right timing. I'm here to tell you that for the most part, it ain't. It's waaaaay more about attitude, choices and behaviour than it will ever be about timing (i.e. spending forever waiting for the 'ideal' time). When it comes to creating our best life and changing our situation for the better, timing is an issue (one of many) but it certainly isn't the key determinant of success or failure. If you have everything else in place (including ideal timing) but you go into that change process with a bad attitude, you will produce results which will fall somewhere in the average to disastrous range. Sometimes we simply have to make it the right time or make the most of the time we have. It's all in your head
By the way, the only place that too much or too little time exists is in our head. Time is time; we all have the same allocation but some of us simply use it better. It's one of the few things in life which doesn't change. It's neither good nor bad, right nor wrong, too much or too little; it just is. But we choose to give it the good and bad, right and wrong labels in order to justify our lack of results and our lack of doing. Funny how people will blame their lack of results and inability to change on 'bad timing' but never blame it on their bad attitude. Or their procrastination. Or lack of consistency. Or fear of failure. Or laziness. They will wheel out the 'time' excuse because it's convenient and it takes the pressure off them (in their mind). In the course of my work I've heard the following sentence (or similar) thousands of times:
"For me, it's a timing thing - now is not a great time."
There are two key time excuses:
1. I don't have enough time
2. Now is not the right time for me
These excuses might be valid periodically but not day in, day out, year in, year out! Nope. While all the timing people are waiting for the planets to align, the kids to finish school, the weather to get warmer and for a few things to miraculously fall into place (as they do), the attitude people are out there doing what needs to be done and creating amazing results. Some people maximise their time, some people waste it and some people even blame it.
Which group are you in?
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Hi Guys. Take a look at book review 19 (Life's too F%^king short) by Victoria May here. Feel free to comment on the reviewed book, to encourage Victoria, or just say hi and add your thoughts. I'll be back on deck next week with a little more than I delivered this week. Perhaps. Enjoy your weekend and don't forget to take a peek at the forum.
People often ask me why it is that they seem to have so much trouble sticking with their commitment to changing certain behaviours and habits; doing what they need to do to create the results they want for their life. Even though they desperately want to change something about their existence, it seems that invariably there comes a time when they simply stop whatever it was that they started. They drop the ball. Throw in the towel. Put the cue in the rack.
Start-stop-aholics
Why we do that is a very relevant question for most people because the vast majority of us have a history of starting and stopping certain behaviours. Time and time again. Things that we should do consistently, but for some reason, we don't. In reality, most of us know what we need to do. And for a while, we do it. Then we stop. Again. And then we start. And stop again. As I've said repeatedly on this site and many times in my workshops, we're champs at almost doing stuff. Masters of incompletion. We have enough reasons to do it, we have the time to do it (despite what we tell others) and we certainly have the potential to create amazing results, but for some reason we seem to be start-stop-aholics.
A few (seemingly irrelevant) questions:
Q. Why do you take a shower each and every day? (please tell me you shower every day!) A. Because programmed into your 'how-to-live-your-life' hard-drive is a command that says you must wash every day. For you, it's not an optional behaviour, it's part of your normal running pattern. As a result, you have no motivational problems and no discipline issues when it comes to your personal hygiene (I hope). It's just a thing you do on auto-pilot. The thought of not washing doesn't occur to you because cleanliness is one of your non-negotiable habits.
Q. Why do parents change those stinky nappies (diapers) with no hesitation and no motivational problems? Surely that's gotta be one of the least enjoyable and desirable tasks? A. Because there is nothing in their child-raising 'program' (the one running in their head) that tells them that wiping their kid's butt is optional. It's simply something which needs to be done. They don't give themselves the option of not doing it. Again, another non-negotiable in their daily routine.
Q. Why does the mother run into the burning building with no hesitation to save her child? A. Because in her mind there is no other option. No brainer.
Q. Why do so many of us who want to get in shape (whatever that means for us individually) fail to do so, even though we know exactly what to do, and why we should do it? A. Because we haven't made the relevant body-changing habits non-negotiables in our life. On some level we still consider optimal eating and consistent exercise to be optional. Of course we do, otherwise we'd never have the start-stop problem.
Too many of us are out of shape (physically, emotionally, financially, professionally) because we haven't made certain behaviours and habits non-negotiables in our life. You know the ones I mean. Somewhere in that lump on top of your shoulders you still consider some things to be optional, that's why you continue to go around in circles in certain areas of your life.
You may not even be aware of your 'optional mindset' but if you have a history of almost getting things done, then I'm talking to you. Do you like ending up in the same place all the time? Didn't think so. Until you and I make those occasional behaviours, non-negotiable habits we won't see forever results and we won't see genuine change.
You know what to do.
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