This site is the website of motivational speaker Craig Harper. A constantly updated, one-stop information, inspiration, education and motivation station. Unlike many similar sites, it is a totally free resource for anyone who is serious about moving from mediocre to amazing in any area of their personal or professional life. With hundreds of articles covering a wide range of subject matter, great interviews with cool people and inspirational video posts, there's more than enough brain-food to keep you busy for hours. Okay, days!! Enjoy.
Click play above
to
see one of Craig's weekly segments on national
television. (9AM with Kim & David - Network Ten)
Online
Personal Training
Can’t always make it to the gym? With your very own
Cyber-Trainer you don’t need to. Our online PT
service is for people who would like to access the
skill, knowledge and experience of a quality
Trainer, without doing the face-to-face thing.
Life Coach
If you are interested in maximizing your potential,
stepping out of that 'holding pattern' and being
privately coached by Craig click here.
Business Coach
If you're a personal trainer, gym owner or studio
owner who is interested in growing your business
then mentoring with Craig could be a valuable part
of your overall success strategy.
Biological Age Testing
Recently, 67 year old Jan Frazer completed one of
our biological age tests only to discover she has
the body of a 37 year old (in terms of fitness,
strength and function). How old is your body? Find
out here.
Body Composition Analysis
Craig's
team of experts can provide you with a
complete Body Composition Analysis in just 30
minutes.
Online
Nutrition
Many
nutritional experts confuse people with their jargon
and pseudo-science. Let Craig's Director of
Nutrition cut through the dietary confusion and
contradiction for you.
Fattitude
- Craig Harper
While many books focus on food,
Craig teaches that creating life-long change is more about the
dieter, than the actual diet. This book is perfect for people who have a
history of 'almost' getting in shape.
DVD
or CD - Renovate Your Body In this entertaining presentation, Craig discusses the
notion of Renovating Your Body - once and for all. Many of us have a curious
ability to be able to get in shape for events (weddings, parties, reunions
and birthdays), if only we'd get in shape for life.
Craig Harper is Australia's leading
motivational speaker
and educator (according to Google Australia). He is a highly
sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be
a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and
professional development.
Working with hundreds of
teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations
on numerous continents over the last twenty years
has given Craig a unique insight into, and
understanding of, human performance and all its
variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire,
challenge and make people laugh all at the same
time!
Hi Guys. Sorry for the reduced input from me this week but I'm spending most of it flying back and forth across our fine (gigantic) country delivering presentations to the masses and trying not to offend too many people in the process. I thought that today, instead of me waffling on for another thousand words or so, perhaps you should do some work. I'll pay you exactly what I get paid for writing on this site. Geeeeze I'm good to you.
Your Best Ever Read
If you could only recommend one book to me, which one would it be? Yep, I know it's a tough question. I'm always getting asked about what I read, what I listen to and who my influences are. I read anything and everything, but I did pick up a new book today at Sydney airport called Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. I'm only forty pages in but I think I'm gonna dig it. I'll letcha know. Anyway, you've all heard enough about what I think (for a day at least), so today I'd like you to share with me (and a few thousand of my closest friends) your best ever read; your all-time fave book. This is what I wanna know.
1. Book name? 2. Type of book? 3. What you loved about it? 4. Hard or easy read? 5. How it impacted on you?
People are always looking for a great book to read and we all love a good recommendation, so now it's your turn to point us in the right direction. Keep it under a million words and don't tell us your top three (or ten), we just want your numero uno. Capiche?
If you've never commented before then stop being a big baby, step out of the shadows and surprise yourself. Click on the comment thingy and get crackin'.
Rather than spending my morning replying individually to the numerous emails asking essentially the same questions, I thought that today we could have our very own Newsletter (of sorts) to let you know what's going on here at medotcom.
Project Craig Update
As some of you may remember, just before Christmas I hopped on the scales and they said "one at a time please". Clearly this was a signal for me to drop a few kilos; too much blogging and too little training for the Endomorphic Exercise Scientist. Although there was some scurrilous and completely unsubstantiated talk of yours truly indulging in cheesecake and the occasional chicken parmigiana (so not true), I'm sure the gradual weight gain couldn't possibly have had anything to do with my diet. Azif. To all the people who write and ask me how my fat self is travelling, thanks for taking an interest.
While I'm obviously still no jockey (see photo), I have dropped the ten kilos (22lbs) I wanted to and I'm currently sitting on 90kgs (198lbs), which is about where I want to be. If you look hard you can still see remnants of the old bodybuilder. Squint a bit perhaps. Johnnie snapped this shot yesterday while I was hauling my sorry ass up and down the stairs lugging some dumbbells (stairs are an awesome workout by the way - massive calorie burner and great for your butt and legs).
Anyway, for those of you who are interested in how I train, I lift weights three to four days per week (quite intensely) for about forty five minutes and I do cardio four days (moderate intensity) for about thirty minutes. It ain't about how much you train, it's about how well you train. What about my flexibility I hear you ask? I last stretched in 1987. I didn't enjoy it. Don't tell anyone. I should stretch more. I probably won't.
Forum Update
Our newforum has gone off like a frog in a sock and traffic is growing by the day. Feel free to jump on and start a new conversation (by clicking on the New Topic button) or join in an existing one (by clicking on the Post Reply button). If you're still confused and you have a specific question call Johnnie during business hours (03 9553 8857) or you can email your query to him here. It's great to see all the accountability partners hooking up and the wheels of progress starting to turn. Well done guys.
Renovate Your Life Workshop
Well our RYL Workshop is filling up and we've already got people booked in from nearly every state in Australia, a few from New Zealand and a guy who wants to fly out from England for the day! He's planning the logistics of it all as I write. Too funny. It's on June 22 and promises to be a life-changing day for those who can get along.
Renovate Your Body DVD For Sale
Johnnie often gets enquiries about whether or not we have DVDs available of any of my presentations or workshops. Well, we have just released our first DVD in a series of ten to be wheeled out over the next two years. It's called Renovate Your Body and was filmed recently at a corporate gig here in Australia. In it I explore the nuts and bolts of getting in shape and staying that way. Forever. It runs for 52 minutes and as you'd expect is highly offensive, politically incorrect, mildly educational and periodically amusing. You can check it out by clicking on the image.
That's it; a brief snapshot of what's going on. Sorry for subjecting you to two photos of me in the one post - I won't do it again. I'm in Sydney today doing a gig with a company called Alinta (the power people), so I'll think of you while I'm eating my Chicken Parma by the harbour. Er, I mean - chicken salad (sorry, typo). Enjoy your day, do something spectacular and click on the comment thingy to say hi and share your thoughts.
Hello Boys and Girls. I trust that you had a great weekend and hope you're all fired up for a week of being, doing, thinking and creating amazing in your world. No matter what happened (or didn't happen) last week, this week can be a life-changing seven days if you choose to make it that. If you take your amazing attitude in to every situation and circumstance, you will be surprised by the results you'll produce in every area of your life... enjoy your week.
*Before you write in and tell me how dysfunctional I am, keep in mind that I wrote the following post with my tongue planted firmly in my cheek. Kind of.
Beyond the body stuff
On Friday we explored the notion that different things work for different bodies. While we all need to feed our body, move our body and manage our body in a physical sense, we now know that different things work for different bodies. There is no one-program-fits-all solution to health and fitness - despite what some people might suggest.
Life in general
Well, what about our life in general? Are there certain 'life rules' that are absolutes, non-negotiables; things we absolutely must do to have a happy, healthy, productive life? Should we all get married for example? If so, at what age? Is there a best age? Is twenty too young? Is fifty too old? What happens if we don't? I'm not married. Will I turn into an unmarried freak? Maybe I am already and I don't know it. Shit. That's a concern. You'd tell me wouldn't you? Is there an absolute relationship between happiness, health and marriage? Of course I understand that there's an element of risk, but do any of you have figures on that? Guess it depends on who we marry right? And the attitude we take into that journey. Speaking of who we marry, is it true that opposites attract, or should we look for someone who is just like us, only slightly better looking? If I married a female me, I'd annoy the crap out me. I annoy me now and there's only one of me.
The social stuff
What about from a sociological perspective? Do we each need a particular hourly quota of social interaction per day/week/ month to be a socially healthy and well-adjusted member of society? Will working seventy hours a week make me a stressed, unbalanced, dysfunctional social misfit, or a financially secure, stimulated, motivated, fulfilled and happy person? And what if I have a social job, does that mean I need less 'dedicated' social time? Are there rules for this stuff? The experts can prescribe R.D.I.'s (recommended daily intakes) for everything else (calories, protein, fat, salt, sugar, vitamins, minerals), surely they should be able to give us an R.D.I. on social interaction for optimal social health.
"Now, let's see Mr. Harper, you're forty four, you weigh 90 kgs (200lbs), you're not taking any medication and you seem to be relatively healthy. I'm recommending one party per month, bowling with your family four times a year, an annual hunting trip, some regular mindless chats with your neighbour Sam, a lot of watching sport with your buddies and one movie per fortnight with the partner of your choice."
"Er, thanks Doc."
See, simple.
Kids
What about kids? Are they are an absolute necessity over the course of a lifetime? Do they work for everyone? Do I really need one? Won't nieces and nephews do? Can't I borrow the neighbours rug-rats once a week for a few hours and see how that goes? A try-before-you-buy type of thing perhaps? They are kind of expensive to keep aren't they? Is one kid enough, or do I need to have a few so they can keep each other entertained while I'm working those seventy hours? While everyone conveniently tells me what a constant source of joy they are, my observational skills tell me that ain't always the case. Unless of course joy is a synonym for noise, anxiety, frustration and debt.
Education
Then of course there's the education thing. What's the go with academia? How much education is enough? Too much, too little? Just right? Or should we forget about College all together and attend the University of Life? It works for some. It seems that some academics are great at life conceptually, but practically... not so good; Academic genii, social duds. Great with theories and data, not so good with people. Not all of course, but some. Now, if a graduate degree makes for a better life, then a masters degree must equal a much, much better life. And as for a PhD... surely that equates to Nirvana? Or not.
Pets
Many experts tell us that we should all have an animal around the house - apparently they're therapeutic. Just what I need; more therapy. "A dog will have a calming effect on your hectic life", my best friend told me recently. "But what if it barks all night, ruins my sleep, eats my favourite shoes and craps all over the place?" Get me a dog that doesn't bark, can use a toilet, feed itself and give foot rubs and I'm in. Find me a Boxer with computer skills and good breath and you gotta deal.
Religion
This is where it can get a little confusing and occasionally, emotional. Dangerous even. Research tells us that people who go to church (synagogue, temple, etc.) can expect to live longer than their heathen counterparts by a couple of years or so. Well... I'd suggest that might depend on exactly what religion we're talking about. Some religions seem to be less concerned with longevity than others. In fact, some seem determined to shorten the lives of others. So I guess if I'm shopping around for a religion to enhance my life, I might opt for one that is low on arrogance, abuse, deception, violence and killing. Call me old-fashioned but those high-risk religions don't do it for me. Crazy I know. Maybe religion would be a safer place if all those righteous people weren't involved. But what do I know? I'm not religious enough.
Career
By some definitions, I'm a workaholic. What's the R.D.I. on work anyway? Does it vary from occupation to occupation? If your job sucks then maybe two hours a day is too much work. But if your job is merely an extension of your passion and your creative self, then maybe ten hours a day is healthy? Would the R.D.I. for work be the same for a professional surfer as say, a homicide detective? Or a dentist? Maybe it's not about the total hours worked but rather the impact those hours have on the individual? There's a thought. I've never had a real job, just passions that I get paid for. I know, not fair. Maybe we shouldn't look for a job but rather a passion that produces income.
Success and Money
In our predominantly materialistic society, we have been taught from an early age that more money equals more success. And more success equals more happiness. That's the rule. He or she who dies with the most toys wins. Take a peek at many Personal Development websites (not this one) and what you'll find is a bunch of material on how to make money. These sites are not about personal growth nearly as much as they are about personal wealth.
And then there's those who have the capacity to see beyond the bucks, the bling and the botox, those of a slightly more philosophical and spiritual disposition who are given to the notion that perhaps real success and happiness is more about an internal state than any external assets. Sure we have a need for stuff (a roof over our head, some shoes, some food, Internet access of course, a cross-trainer perhaps) but exactly howmuch stuff do we need? Is there a correlation between how much stuff we have and happiness, or is it irrelevant? Is it possible to be wealthy without any possessions? Maybe I could be a monk who lives in a big-ass monastery over looking the ocean that just happens to have a great gym, some big screen TVs and a resident chef. I could spend my days blogging, surfing, lifting weights, hanging out with my fellow monks and of course, meditating.
What do you mean, I'm missing the point?
** I know you've got an opinion on all this stuff. Add to the conversation by clicking on the comment thingy and tell us what you think. **
* Yeah I know, I know; it's up a day early. Call me organised. Tomorrow is a public holiday here in the Land Down Under, so I'm getting in early! Enjoy your day off you Aussies.
One of the great things about us human beings is our uniqueness. To the extra-terrestrial observer from the distant planet Nebulon 7, perhaps our individuality is not so obvious, but scratch a little below the surface and you'll discover that in many ways, while we all kinda look the same (except for Brangelina of course), we're actually all quite different. Some might say, especially me. So not fair.
The one-diet-fits-all eating philosophy (good luck with that)
Two people go on the same type of 'breakthrough' (whatever that means) eating plan. They eat the same kinds of food, similar amounts, similar times of the day and they both totally buy into their new nutritional philosophy. One feels amazing, full of energy and loses unwanted body-fat while the other feels like crap, is constipated, doesn't sleep well, doesn't drop fat and suffers from regular indigestion. Eating the same food! Why? Because bodies do that, that's why! They are unique. What will taste great to you, will be disgusting to me. What will be the perfect calorie intake for you, will make me fat. 2000 mg of sodium in your diet per day will send your blood pressure through the roof but won't affect mine at all. Eating late at night will ruin my sleep, but make you sleep like a baby. One gram of protein per kilo of body weight will be ideal for you, but will leave my body in a state of disrepair and won't allow me to recover properly from my intense training sessions.
The five-egg omelette
I eat two eggs per day and my cholesterol goes through the roof, you eat a five-egg omelette every morning and... nuthin! Why? Because there is no 'universal diet' that will produce the same positive results in every individual. For somebody who is heading towards osteoporosis a litre of milk every day might be fantastic but for the girl next door who is lactose intolerant, the same prescription might be catastrophic. Bottom line - you need to learn what works best for your body. There is no 'best' diet. Sure, they want you to believe there is - that's called marketing; selling stuff. Yes, there are better and worse options and yes, there are general principles and guidelines that we should pay attention to (we need a balanced combination of micro and macro nutrients, for eg.) but the truth is, what you eat, when you eat, how you eat and how much you eat should vary from person to person because we're not clones. Unfortunately, some experts treat us like we all fell from the same nest.
The generic approach to exercise
Let's say you and I hit the gym to lift some weights and we do ten exercises, three sets of each. Same exercises, same sets and reps and same form. We use different weights but everything else is the same. Two days later we hit the gym again for our next session, I've completely recovered and feel brand new but you can hardly move. You're so sore that you feel like somebody has attacked you with a baseball bat in your sleep.
The ceramic tile with hair on top
The following week we go to a yoga class (as if) and stretch our asses off for an hour. Because I have the flexibility of a ceramic tile, I tear both hamstrings, dislocate my head, rupture my spleen (don't ask me why) and crawl home on my hands and knees. I am in a full body cast for two weeks. You, on the other hand, come out of the class feeling loose as a goose, relaxed, reinvigorated and happy as a pig in mud. If my hamstrings weren't in pieces and my head wasn't on backwards, I'd kick you in the knee. Okay, so maybe I do need to stretch but perhaps not following your program!
Different things work for different people.
Some people train much better early in the morning while others are atrocious before ten a.m. and seem to be at their physical best later in the day. For one person the barbell squat will be the answer to their leg and butt issues, but for the next person it will deliver nothing but knee pain. Sally will lose five kilos (11lbs) in the first four weeks of doing spin classes while Julie gets quads like an Olympic cyclist! 'Research' tells me that for my weight, with the amount of muscle I have and for the volume and type of training that I do, I need somewhere around 3,000 calories per day. Research is wrong. For me. In reality, I eat about 2,000 cals per day and that's what works best for my body. How do I know? My body told me. If I ate 3,000 calories per day, I would be a sumo wrestler by October.
What works for you (personally)?
I could share countless stories of people that I've worked with who have produced amazing results doing what 'doesn't work'. And even more stories of people who have achieved less than desirable outcomes following the advice of some guru to the letter. I'm a scientist and let me tell you, despite what the white coat fraternity might want us to believe, when it comes to the human body, there's a lot more that we don't know, than we do. There are more lessons to be learned than absolutes to be shared. Some of what we accept as scientific fact now will be scoffed at in years to come. Not too long ago the medical consensus was that people with back injuries should basically lie still for a month or two, so as not to exacerbate the injury! These days we see most patients encouraged to be active as soon as possible. All immobilisation does (for many back injuries) is make the individual weaker, the injury worse and the recovery period longer.
I'm not saying any of this to confuse you but rather to enlighten you. I'm not suggesting that you don't listen to the experts but I am saying, listen to your body as well - it's always trying to teach you something, but if you're like the majority then you haven't been listening too much. As I've said many times, some people seem desperate not to learn.
Where to from here?
Start from right now to be more aware of how your body responds to the various stimuli. Be more methodical and logical about how you feed it, exercise it and rest it and you might just stumble across the right formula (for you).
* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
*Before today's post..... geeeeeze you guys, our forum's goin' off like a frog in a sock! You all rock. It's still early days but it looks like it might just turn into something of cyber-communal (made that up) value. Nice. If you haven't checked it out yet, take a peek here. And for future reference, you can get to the forum via the menu option in the left sidebar next to my boof head.
Branding
In the big wide world of business and in particular, marketing, the suits are always talking about 'branding'. The need to create a well-respected, well-knownbrand (reputation, profile, public perception) for our product, service or organisation. If you have the best product in the world but nobody knows about it, or nobody knows it's any good, then you're going nowhere fast. Many great ideas, products and concepts have died a slow (or rapid) death because they 1) had no branding or 2) had bad branding.
The alleged expert
As a media commentator, corporate speaker and (alleged) fitness expert, I have my own brand - how people see me. So too, my company has it's own brand in the fitness industry here in Australia. One of the reasons I started to do media stuff was because it helped to increase the 'brand awareness' (and hopefully credibility) of not only my company as a player in the fitness market in this country, but also me personally as an industry expert, speaker, educator and commentator. Yes that all sounds a little strategic and it is. Of course. A company or career without a strategic plan is a ship without a rudder and doomed for failure or at best, mediocrity.
I recently spoke at a conference with a guy who (I was informed) gets paid over $15,000 for his forty five minute presentation. Was he good? Yep. Was he mind-blowingly incredible? Nope. Was he fifteen times better than the $1,000 speaker? Nope. Then why did that company pay so much for his services? Because they were buying a brand that's why. A name. A reputation.
Have I got a deal for you....
What do you think would have happened if I had told the conference organiser that I could have provided a $1,000 speaker (unknown brand) to deliver the exact same message (same info, same style, same passion, same quality) for one fifteenth of the cost? More than likely he or she would have said "thanks, but no thanks." Because:
1. They want the brand. 2. On some level they don't really believe that the $1,000 speaker could deliver like the $15,000 guy and 3. Even when it comes to corporate speakers, we're label shoppers!
That's the genius of great branding; it often has nothing to do with reality (what you're actually buying) and everything to do with perception (what you believe you're buying). It's about making people feel and think a certain way about something (a product, person, program, company, system).
It's not you; it's what they think of you
Why do companies now pay me five times more (to do the same thing - speak) than they did a few years ago? Am I five times better? Nope. Do I get five times better results? Nope. Is there a lack of cheaper speakers who could do a great job? Nope. They pay me more because my brand is bigger and better these days. Simple. Sometimes it's not about me (strictly speaking); it's about their perception of me.
Your brand right now?
Whether or not you know it, want it or like it, you have your own brand already; how other people perceive you. Now, of course you don't want to be obsessed with, or insecure about what people think of you (that's definitely not what I'm suggesting by consciously developing your own brand) but at the same time, it is important that we all realise that our personal brand (how we are perceived) will have a great impact on virtually every area of our life. If people perceive you as an untrustworthy and unprofessional individual, then they won't want to do business with you or have you on their team. If your brand reeks of arrogance and ego they won't respect you or want to listen to you. If you're wearing the needy,insecure and high-maintenance labels then they'll avoid you like the plague.
However, if your brand is synonymous with quality, integrity, reliability, honesty, generosity and thoughtfulness then you (and your skills, products, services) will be in demand.
Everything you do (and don't do) says something about your brand - who you are; your communication style, your habits, your values, how you present yourself, what shape you're in physically, how you deal with different situations and challenges, how you manage relationships, how you resolve conflict, how you interact with your staff / work colleagues, your ability to get stuff done and the results you do and don't produce.
The questions you might want to ask yourself moving forward are: 1. What kind of branding do I have right now and 2. How can I improve the value of my brand?
* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
Well, it's a big day here at medotcom and the Bald Man and I are very excited. Okay, I'm excited and he's just a bit less grumpy than usual. But hey, that's a start!
After working night and day for nearly two weeks to develop our new forum, the Bald Man and his trusty team of cyber-geeks from tailored.com.au have delivered. That's right, our forum is active and functional as of right now! Let's give Baldy and his team a cyber-pat on the back. Now, if you're like me and relatively new to the Blogosphere (I stepped off Terra Firma and into the blogoshpere for the first time eighteen months ago), then you might be wondering what the heck a forum (of this kind) is all about, how you might use it and why you might use it. All good questions. I asked Baldy the same questions two weeks ago.
Here's what the dictionary (American Heritage) told me a forum is:
A. A public meeting place for open discussion (yep, that makes sense for what we want to create).
B. A medium for open discussion or voicing of ideas, such as a newspaper, a radio or television program, or a website (a website; what a good idea - that makes sense too!).
So, why a forum?
Well, a few reasons:
1. Originally, we decided to create a forum in order to be able to facilitate our Accountability Partnersproject. 2. Because this is such a high-traffic site, with such a great interactive community (that's you) who all seem to be roughly on the same page (a desire to learn, grow, be challenged, help others, network with like-minded people, do better, be better, create better), we felt that an interactive on-line forum would provide our community with an appropriate vehicle to be able to share with each other in a range of ways. 3. We see the forum as a natural progression of what we have created so far with our posts (articles), guest posts, book reviews and reader comments. Without trying, it seems that together (you and I) we have created a cyber-place where people enjoy hanging out. 4. The feedback we have had to this point in time suggests that a reasonable percentage of you would like the opportunity to share your thoughts and ideas in a more significant way than merely leaving comments to specific articles. The forum means that anyone can jump on-line at any time and pose a question, respond to a question, start a discussion or simply encourage and support someone else on their journey.
The Practical Stuff.
1.Teething problems. Sure, we're probably gonna have a few teething problems but the first few weeks should sort those out.
2.Not a soap box. This forum is not a soap box for religious zealots, political wannabees, people trying to sell stuff or idiots who want to use obscene language, create problems or criticise others; it is for people who are all about creating their best life and engaging in meaningful productive dialogue.
3.Moderators. Forums like this need moderators. A moderator is someone who ensures that the people I spoke about in point two don't have a voice on this site. A moderator will remove inappropriate material from the forum. If you like what we're trying to create here and know that you have the skills, the time, the dedication and the desire to be one of our moderators, let me know via email. I would be most appreciative. I realise it's not a glamour job, but hey, it's gotta be done - call it quality control. I will interview potential moderators by phone. Thanks.
4. Content. Having said all of that, feel free to discuss anything and everything as long as it relates in some way to personal development and the human experience.
5.What if it doesn't work? What if we have three people visit the forum over the next six months? Well, then we'll pull the pin. Simple. No biggie. If you want it and use it and it meets some needs and adds value to what we're already doing, then we'll continue to invest time and energy into it. If not, Johnnie and I will go surfing. Things are as hard as we make them.
6. Anonymity. Because from to time some of you will be divulging information of a personal and sensitive nature, you may (or may not) want to post your thoughts on the forum anonymously. This will mean that when you register, you will need to use an alias or part of your name only. So if you see a regular on the forum called Craig H. who has a whole bunch of issues and is seeking advice... it's not me. No, really!
So there we have it Guys; our new forum. Let us know what you think. I'm excited, I hope you are too. We would love your (constructive) feedback, thoughts and ideas and hopefully between us we can create something spectacular and valuable. Keep in mind that it's gonna look a little like a bare cupboard for a little while until we have some traffic...
Aaaah, the good old Pity Party; we've all thrown at least one in our time. Some people throw them every day of their lives. They are absolute party animals. Of course, quite often they will be the only attendee at these 'celebrations', and then at other times they will do their very best to get everyone they know involved. After all, we wouldn't want anyone to miss out would we? Everybody loves a party.
No balloons but maybe some cake.
Okay, so there ain't too many balloons or laughs at yer typical Pity Party (although cake is often involved) and the objective seems to be more about commiseration than celebration, but a party is a party right?
Wrong.
Let me tell you that self-pity is no party my friend; it's a frickin' destructive nightmare which has taken hold of way too many lives and destroyed way too much potential and hope. It's a moth chewing it's way through the fabric of our society and it ruins careers, families, friendships, businesses and ultimately, lives. It is an emotional cancer that will slowly and methodically infect every cell of your being if you let it. That's right; if you let it! It's the only optional cancer on the list. And while it's not a condition which can be detected under the microscope, the individual riddled with self pity is dying a slow and pointless death nonetheless.
Enough about me... What do you think about me?
Self pity feeds on attention but it never has enough. It is a bottomless pit; the over-eater of the emotional world. The more it gets, the more it wants. It will demand more and more of you until you become it's slave. And it is an insatiable master. It is always looking for a sympathetic audience and it loves talking about itself. It has no awareness of, care for, or understanding of, the needs of others because it is completely self-absorbed and delusional. It has an incredible ability to bring every conversation back to itself. It inhabits the negative zone, is a first cousin to pessimism and can often be seen hanging out with it's good buddies, frustration, anger and resentment.
It is seductive.
It will make you feel good for a while but then you'll feel worse than ever. And like any addiction worth it's salt, you'll need a little more each time to get the same rush. The highs will be shorter, the lows will be longer and the cost will become greater. You'll become increasingly desperate and you'll also become more and more creative in your attempts to acquire the same level of attention. You'll constantly need to find new audiences because your family and friends won't buy into your self-absorbed crap for ever. You'll find new and creative ways to be mad at people, you'll become resentful of pretty much everyone who doesn't deliver the required pity, and you'll tell so many lies that you'll eventually start to believe your own bullshit.
While it wants plenty of things, with attention clearly at the top of the list, the one thing self-pity doesn't want is solutions to all those attention-generating problems. Why would it? Solutions ruin everything! That would be like cutting off it's life force; it's oxygen. While you and I both know that doing our best to create positive outcomes and solutions is where it's at, to the individual totally immersed in their self-pity mindset, answers and logic are like kryptonite.
I'm not going to your stupid party
This is why some people don't connect with the Craig Harper message; I don't wanna go to their stupid party - I wanna help them create a better reality. I'm not interested in perpetuating, or indulging in, their self-inflicted misery or pouring kerosene on an already raging fire of self pity. While they're inside the party slow-dancing with misery, I'm out the front leaning on the horn but they don't wanna get in the car.
The irony is that over the long term, self-pity typically generates the exact opposite of what the individual wants; resentment instead of sympathy and avoidance instead of attention.
In other words, it doesn't work. It's a fraud.
But sadly we keep buying into it.
Moving forward
Sometimes a life filled with joy and happiness, or a life filled with overwhelming problems is simply a matter of perspective. Some of us have a gift for making the good, bad, and the easy, hard. Most of the time, the difference between a problem and a lesson is attitude, and depending on how willing we are to take a chance, our best life can be a million miles away, or one inch away. Our best life is right under our nose but we need to choose it, take it and make it. Success doesn't happen to us; we create it - just like misery. Happiness is not a matter of luck, fate, destiny or the alignment of the planets; it's about what we choose to do with what we've been given. It's about the attitude we take into every situation and experience - every day. I know I say these words often, but it is what it is. That's the fact Jack.
The only person who can 'fix' your life, is you and the only person who can destroy your life is you. Choose to invest into the lives of others, rather than obsessing about your own situation, and in doing so, you will begin to heal yourself.
So my suggestion to you is, leave that party and never go back.
By the way, I'm still out here leaning on the horn.
* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
Before today's post, take a look at our latest book review (review 18) by Jo Deekerhere. Feel free to comment on the reviewed book, to encourage our reviewer, or just say hi and add your thoughts.Thanks Jo.
Hi Guys. Well, following the successful introduction of guest bloggers to our site last week with the annoyingly talented Steve Olsonmaking me look bad, we have secured the services of another great blogger from the land of milk and honey; Aaron Potts. Now, if you think I'm blunt then you may want to sit down to read this post and possibly even take one of those indigestion tablets you have sitting on your dresser. Aaron makes me look like a self-help pussy. Anyway, a big thanks to Mr. Blunt from Florida - we appreciate you sharing your time, your talent, your knowledge, your skills and your passion with us. Group hug for Aaron( )
If someone were to ask if you were the person in charge of your life, would you say yes? I know, I can hear your response already:
"Ain't nobody runnin' my life but ME!"
A chorus of your friends chime in with phrases like "I know that's right!" or "You tell 'em whose boss!" or, my personal favorite, "You the man!"
High fives all around, and you all congratulate each other on being Masters of the Universe.
The problem is that most of you are full of it. Sure, you talk a good talk, but when it comes to walking the walk, there is someone else holding the leash, and you're just along for ride.
Without even realizing it (or maybe you do), you allow your entire life to be handled by the people and the circumstances outside of yourself, and then you sit around wondering where your pot of gold is, or why your "happily ever after" is not actually very happy.
Yes, you are the one who actually decides how to react to the people and the circumstances of your life, but your reactions are colored by your desire to please, tend to, influence, or take care of others.
Family
Does the term "soccer mom" mean anything to you? I don't know about the culture in Australia, but in the U.S. there is a reason why the term soccer mom exists, and while we're at it, "mom's taxi" is another good one.
That example picks on women in particular, but men are just as adept at allowing the needs of their family to dictate their day-to-day schedule, and even their attitudes about life overall, not to mention their ability (or lack thereof) to spend time every single day tending to their own desires.
How many times have you skipped a workout because of a family obligation? How many times have you NOT spent time learning something new because your family kept you busy right up until bedtime? How many business opportunities have you allowed to slip by the wayside because you just didn't have enough time due to your hectic family schedule?
Career
Time for a show of hands. How many people in the room love their job, and they would do it every single day, even if they weren't getting paid? How many people jump out of bed in the morning because they can't wait to do their employer's bidding?
If you don't have the job that you love, make the money that you WANT to make, and have a career outlook so incredible that you just can't believe your good fortune, then who exactly is it that is running your career agenda?
Yes, yes, I know. I can't afford to quit my job. I don't have enough skills to start my own business. My employer takes really good care of me. Blah, blah, blah...
Unless you are truly happy with your career status, then your career is being handled by someone other than yourself, and the worst part is, you keep letting it happen, day after day.
How's that working out for you?
Health
The excuses for poor health may now file into the room in an orderly manner, take their seats, and then sit there with an indignant look that says "I am a valid excuse, and I don't care what you say!"
I'm no English major (although I fake it often), but I'm pretty sure that "valid" and "excuse" are not allowed to be used in the same sentence.
An excuse is just that - an excuse. It is simply a rendition of someone or something outside of yourself that you are allowing to handle any given aspect of your life. The aforementioned family and job obligations are often cited as alleged validexcuses (there's that phrase again!) as to why workouts never got done, or why healthy meals were never prepared or consumed.
Here's the thing, though: At the end of the day, the week, the month, or the year, all your body knows is whether you exercised and ate right, or if you didn't. No amount of excuses - no matter how "valid" - will change the physical fact that you either did the right thing for your body, or you didn't.
Why you are allowing yourself to be Handled?
Quite frankly, you are either too lazy to make a consistent effort, or you lack the confidence needed to start being your own handler. It is all too easy to allow the obligations that you have to other people or circumstances to dictate what you are doing in any given moment.
It is easier to drop the kids off at soccer practice, and then sit there and make small talk with the other parents, than it is to go jog around the field.
It is easier to do the dishes and fold the laundry after dinner than it is to spend two hours working on building a business, or getting an education.
It is easier to keep your dead-end job by claiming you don't have the right skills to start a business than it is to get the right skills, thus eliminating that excuse.
In short, you have a handler because it is easy to have a handler. Any idiot can be told what to do, can do menial tasks that kill time, or can die of a heart attack because they didn't consistently exercise or eat right.
Career success, financial abundance, fulfilling relationships, wonderful levels of health and vitality; these things can be hard to attain, and they require a commitment over the long-term.
Who wants to work hard and make a true commitment, when they could just let their lives be handled by other people, thus vindicating their stark lack of success?
* Let us know your thoughts on this post by Aaron. Simply click on the comment thingy and share from your own experiences and thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
Before today's offering, a brief update... Accountability Partners
The Bald Man has been working his muscular ass off to develop our Accountability Partner Forum with his buddies Brendon Sinclair and Anthony who are Web Designers & Web Marketing Experts over at Tailored Consulting. They are guns at what they do - thanks lads. We expect that the forum will be up and running by the start of next week. We have had an amazing response to the Accountability Partner concept, so we want to get it right from the start and ensure that we create something which not only adds value to our site, but also to your life. Thanks also to everyone who offered to help in getting the forum up and running.
Ideas from you
Like everything the Bald Man and I do, this site is a constant work in progress. Everything you see and read on this site is the result of much thought, discussion, planning and care on our behalf. We are doing our very best to create something of genuine value in the rapidly expanding world that is the Blogosphere, and also striving to develop a resource which stands alone as a beacon of inspiration, education and hope in a vast wasteland of Personal Development crap. Sometimes we get it right, often we get it wrong, but every day we're doing our best to create something spectacular. We will absolutely continue to do the best we can, with what we've got. For us and for you. As you've probably gathered, we're not interested in developing an ordinary website. What's the fun in that? Ordinary is boring. We will continue to do, be and create amazing, not because we're more talented than the next person but because that's the standard we have set for ourselves.
Over the coming year we have many goals for the site. At the top of our list is to build a Cyber Community where people can come together, build relationships, learn, grow, exchange ideas, help each other out, contribute to something or someone other than themselves, encourage other people and generally, do some good. The forum we're about to launch will be a big part of this.
With all this in mind, we would love your feedback, ideas and suggestions about how we might develop the site over the next year or two. How can we make it better? What would you like to see more or less of? Be creative, be specific and be honest. Obviously we can't act on every suggestion but we will definitely discuss and consider them all. Thankyou for your help.
Renovate Your Life Workshop
We've also had a great response to our Personal Development Workshop (RYL) coming up in June, with a bunch of people booked in already and a whole lot trying to figure out accommodation, airfares and the general logistics of a weekend interstate. If you have any general enquiries give Johnnie a call on (03) 9553 8857 during business hours and he'll sort you out.
Okay, enough news and chat.
Some music to massage your tired soul...
We all know that periodically I have a propensity to be somewhat verbose; I talk too much. I did it again, didn't I? It's an only-child thing. I'm working on it. In fact, today is part of my less-is-sometimes-more rehab process. Instead of trying to inspire you with a mountain of words, today I thought I'd let a very talented Australian musician share some inspiration with you via his incredible gift. For once you don't have to think, just listen. Nice. Sometimes it's good to turn off your brain for a while and just be. I don't know about you, but music inspires me, moves me and takes me to a better place. It's good for my head and my heart. Sometimes I find that not thinking is the therapy I need.
Many of you Aussies will know John Butler for the amazing talent that he is, and for my international friends, I'm sure he's someone you'll enjoy meeting. Take a listen as JB makes his guitar talk and let me know what you think by clicking on the comment thingy.
One of my favourite quotes about learning: "In times of change the learners shall inherit the earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists." Eric Hoffer. So true and so relevant for those old arrogant, ignorant dinosaurs who stopped actively learning twenty years ago because they already know everything. The day we stop learning is the day we start going backwards. It's been said many times that we live in the information age and without doubt, we do. The Internet has made sure of that. If you want access to information about pretty much anything, then it's only a search engine click away. The virtual classroom of 2008 is bigger than ever and allows us to learn like never before.
Or does it?
Surely more information equals more learning right?
Well you might think so but the answer is, not necessarily. In fact, not often. Curiously, some of us seem pretty determined to not learn - just take a look around at what's going on in our very educated, clever world at the moment. Or maybe even take a peek in the mirror.
If you're a regular to this site or sites like this, then there's a fair chance that you're all about self improvement; creating a new and improved version of you. A better life and a better you. The question you need to ask yourself is:
"Am I genuinely learning (changing, adapting, improving, doing different, creating different outcomes) or am I merely exposing myself to more and more information that I typically don't use?"
Learning equals Change
If the most desirable consequence of learning is positive change (I'm talking about learning in relation to personal growth here), then it would seem that many of us have learned nothing for a long time. We have read lots, heard lots, watched lots and learned nothing. Could it be that many of us read self-help books, trawl websites such as this one, attend seminars, listen to CDs, watch DVDs and then do nothing with the acquired (and often, paid for) information? Could we be people who don't actually learn much at all? If results are a reflection of what we've learned, then some of us definitely need to polish up our 'learning skills'.
"But Craig, I read and study, I attend workshops, I do courses and I even put your articles up on my fridge." Well that's nice, but do you consistently and diligently apply that information and create different results in your life? Hello? Are you there?
Too much info, too little learning
Does reading self-help stuff (books, websites, magazines, journals), hearing (motivators, preachers, teachers, CDs), watching (DVDs, Webinars) and attending (classes, workshops, seminars, university) necessarily translate to learning? No. Sometimes it just translates to... reading, hearing, watching and attending. Does sitting in countless workshops, courses and programs year in, year out, necessarily equate to personal growth? No. Sometimes it just equates to more personal debt. After all, personal development can be expensive. We all know people who consume self-help material voraciously but rarely learn anything. Their life reality never seems to change and neither do they. Sometimes we are those people.
You, only better.
So when it comes to creating the new and improved version of you (you, only better), what is genuine learning about?
It's about having a new understanding, perspective and mindset. It's about changing, evolving, growing, adapting and creating better outcomes. It's about doing different to create different. It's about reading, hearing, watching and then applying! Doing something with that information to create positive change. It's about taking the theory and making it a reality in your life.
It's in the doing that we learn.
Memorising a whole bunch of stuff ain't learning; that's memorising. A nice party trick but ain't gonna change your reality for the better. Some people recite motivational crap all day, but they don't actually live it. Therefore, they haven't learned. They are not students, they are self-help parrots. Like a teeny weeny Anthony Robbins without the money. Or the height. Or teeth.
Stop it Craig. Sorry.
So why do we visit sites like this?
Well mostly, we come here because in some way, we want more than we have right now; more health, more happiness, more wealth, more joy, more satisfaction, more fun, more peace, more excitement and more hope. That's a no-brainer. On a certain level we are all the same in terms of our desire for 'more'. When we understand that the real indicator of learning is change, then we can quickly establish whether or not we're learning. If the result of your reading, hearing, watching, researching and attending is that you are changing your behaviours and habits and therefore creating better results in your life, then you're learning.
If you're not, then you need to learn to learn. Properly.
Students of convenience
It's been said (okay, I said it) that we are often students of convenience - we'll learn what we want to learn; what doesn't challenge us too much, what doesn't make us uncomfortable and what doesn't inconvenience us. Many people don't learn (as well or as often as they could), not because they can't but because (on some level) they don't want it enough. Learning is often a painful, messy, time-consuming, impractical, exhausting and inconvenient process - and we all hate being inconvenienced. Too often we're pleasure junkies and the truth is that some lessons simply are neither fun or easy. We say that we want to learn but when we're totally honest about it, so often we're simply going through the motions.
Simulated learning; looks like learning, but isn't.
When I give a corporate presentation I can usually spot the non-learners before I open my mouth. They generally have their arms crossed (defensive body language) and an 'I-don't-wanna-be-here' look on their face. For some reason best known to them, they have decided that they can't learn anything from me. And they don't. Funny that. It doesn't matter what's about to come out of my mouth, they have made a decision (consciously or not) to not learn anything from me.
If you're in a seminar, workshop or some other learning situation and the majority of the people are learning something and you're not, then there's a few possibilities:
1. You're a genius and you know it all. 2. You're not an auditory learner (see definitions below). 3. You don't really want to learn. 4. You're getting in your own way. Again. 5. You don't want to be wrong or embarrassed. 6. You don't apply what you hear. 7. You don't want to have to re-wire your thinking or disturb your current 'program'. 8. You don't want someone to teach you something which challenges your current beliefs (this is very common). 9. You're not prepared to get uncomfortable or deal with the 'inconvenience' of it all.
The difference between people who genuinely want to learn and people who don't:
1. The questions they ask - people who want to learn ask genuine questions, people who don't, make statements or say nothing. People who want to learn are almost child-like; excited, open-minded, ready.
2. Their body language - arms crossed, body angled away from the speaker, disinterested facial expressions, constantly looking around the room... probably not interested in learning. 3. Their attitude - you can discern someone's attitude without talking to them. The guy who's constantly talking through the presentation for example. Some people's bad attitude gets in the way of their natural ability. They sabotage their own potential with their stinkin' thinkin'. 4. Then there's the person who is more concerned with demonstrating to the rest of the room how intelligent, hilarious and amusing they are - as opposed to being interested in learning something. 5. Their participation or lack there of - head nodding, volunteering for activities, overall enthusiasm.
What's really interesting is that even with this post (article), some people who desperately need to hear (and apply) this message - it's like it was written just for them - will still decide to do nothing with the information. Even though they claim they're all about personal growth and wanting to change their life. Of course they will rationalise, justify and explain it to themselves (so they feel good about doing nothing) and then they will find a way to remain a simulated learner. Sad really. And such a waste of potential. And time.
Learning styles
Before I finish this rather lengthy (what's new?) monologue, a quick overview of different learning styles... We all learn in different ways and in order for us to be able to maximise our potential it's imperative that we understand what learning style works best for us individually. Many intelligent, creative, gifted kids have been marginalised, victimised and handicapped over the years because the one-dimensional educational system they inhabit does not seem to understand that not all children learn the same way or should be taught the same way. For example, in most traditional educational systems, kinesthetic learners are at a distinct disadvantage.
Visual Learners
They learn through seeing stuff. These learners need to see the teacher's body language and facial expression to fully understand the content of a lesson. They tend to prefer sitting at the front of the classroom to avoid visual obstructions (e.g. people's heads). They may think in pictures and learn best from visual displays including: diagrams, illustrated text books, overhead transparencies, videos, flip charts and hand-outs. During a lecture or classroom discussion, visual learners often prefer to take detailed notes to absorb the information.
Auditory Learners
They learn through listening. They learn best through verbal lectures, discussions, talking things through and listening to what others have to say. Auditory learners interpret the underlying meanings of speech through listening to tone of voice, pitch, speed and other nuances. Written information may have little meaning until it is heard. These learners often benefit from reading text aloud and using a tape recorder.
Kinesthetic Learners.
They learn through, moving, doing and touching. Kinesthetic people learn best through a hands-on approach, actively exploring the physical world around them. They may find it hard to sit still for long periods and may become distracted by their need for activity and exploration. *Ref: LdPride.net
So, imagine what happens when we take that kid who's a kinesthetic learner and put him in a learning environment which has been created for visual and auditory learners. He soon 'learns' that he's stupid.
We're going to explore more on learning styles over the coming weeks.
I'll leave you with another one of my favourite quotes:
"We cannot become what we need by remaining what we are."Max Depree
Enjoy your day.
* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
As you may or may not know, I am the resident fitness bloke for a national TV show here in Australia called 9AM on the TEN Network. Over the last few weeks viewers have been entering a competition to win... me. Well, not exactly me but a 'family make-over' with me, with the idea being that I would help an Australian family get in shape; lose a few pounds, get a bit fitter and change a few nasty habits.
Well, the lucky family (??) turned out to be the Bulte family from Victoria and with six in the clan, including four who need to lose weight, it would seem that I have my work cut out for me. Anyway, they have all been training for two weeks now and they are doing incredibly well. I am so proud of them. Those that need to lose weight are going great - 15.4 kgs (34lbs) weight-loss between the four of them - and everyone is firmly on board the SS Harper. Over the next few weeks I will keep you posted on their progress with regular updates and video grabs from my segments.
You can see the initial TV meeting with two of the clan here. If you happen to be in Oz and you happen to be near a TV tomorrow (Wednesday) at 10.40am (ish), take a peek at Channel Ten and you can check up on their progress live.
Okay, the Exercise Science Bloke is here today. Whistle in hand, heart-rate monitor strapped on, spandex body-suit firmly in place, leg-warmers adorning my hairy ankles and sweaty biceps and pecs glistening in the morning sun.
Feeling queezy yet? Me too. Sorry about that unnecessary visual.
The common denominator
So, I guess the one thing we all have in common when it comes to our body is our desire to look good, feel good and function good. Er, goodly. Er, well. Er, much more better. You know what I mean.
Where are my glasses?
Anyway, while the younger members of the tribe are typically more concerned with how they look for their numerous social outings and courting rituals, us more... experienced members of the species are usually more concerned with our creaky knees, our rapidly decreasing bone density, our sore lower backs and our ever-diminishing eyesight; how we feel and function. Sure, a six pack and a few veins would be great (not the varicose kind either), but right now, simply being able to walk up stairs without chest pain would be a bonus.
Talk to any over-weight person and there's a fair chance you'll hear something like:
"Yeah, I'm an endomorph, I have the world's slowest metabolism"... or
"I eat really well but I've inherited the family fat gene"... or
"At my age, I'm fighting a losing battle."
Apparently obesity is a foregone conclusion for them; something beyond their control.
Well, fortunately for you and I, our genetics and our age don't determine our physical reality; how we look, feel and function. Sure, they play a role and they need to be factored in to our overall strategy, but our DNA does not determine (impacts on, but doesn't determine) how fat or thin, fit or unfit, healthy or unhealthy we'll be when we're forty, fifty or eighty.
Getting the most out of what we've got
When it comes to maximising our genetic potential - getting the most out of what we've got - there's a bunch of stuff we can change and there's a few things we can't (let me know if I'm getting too technical at any stage). The reality is that the vast majority of us (listen to this bit carefully) do not even nearly maximise our physical potential. Imagine owning a Ferrari and constantly filling it with kerosene, instead of the high-octane fuel it requires. Of course we wouldn't do that. Yet we'll gladly put crap in our body year in, year out.
Wasting time
Stupidly, many of us waste significant time and emotional energy on the stuff we have no control over, while investing virtually no energy or time into the stuff that can drastically change our body and our life.
A few examples:
Can't change: body type Can change: body shape
Can't change: what you ate last week Can change: what you eat this week
Can't change: what genes your parents gave you Can change: what you do with those genes
Can't change: the ever-increasing amount of fast food at your disposal Can change: whether or not you put it in your gob
Can't change:chronological age (how many years you've been on the planet) Can change: biological age (how 'old' your body is)
Can't change:what's required to get in shape, lose weight and stay that way Can change:your attitude, your level of commitment and your application
Can't change: what you've done or not done over the last (insert number) years Can change: how strong, fit, lean, flexible and functional you will become over the next few months
Can't change: the alcohol, the drugs, the coffee, the lack of sleep and the stress you've subjected yourself to for far too long Can change:the kind of lifestyle you choose to lead from today
Can't change:the decisions you've made to this point in time Can change: the decisions you'll make from right now
Can't change: how many times you've started and stopped Can change: whether or not you choose to continue that pattern
Can't change: How much potential you have Can change: How much of that potential you use
Can't change: other people Can change: you
Can't change: your history Can change: your future
But the question is, will you?
* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
Hi Team. Take a look at book reviews 16 and 17 by Victoria May and Kris Rollaghere. Feel free to comment on the reviewed books, to encourage our reviewers, or just say hi and add your thoughts.
Also....
If you take a peek in the right sidebar, you will see the Renovate Your Life workshop link. Click on that bad boy and you can find out all about our upcoming one-day workshop on June 22. I will do my best to be politically incorrect, highly offensive, mildly amusing and possibly to squeeze in some inspiration and education if we have time. We'll see how we go - don't wanna over do it with too much of that weird-ass Personal Development stuff. Anyway, if you get all inspired and decide to book a place in the next day or three, Johnnie will give you a $30.00Early Bird Discount if you contact him and book in before 5pm next Monday, April 14 (Melbourne time). See the attached photo to get an idea of what our last workshop was like. If you look hard through the smoke, the lights and the arms of the screaming fans you can just make out my lean, muscular silhouette.
And...Our Accountability Partner thingy is well under way and Baldy and his team of cyber-geeks have almost got it sorted. We (okay they, not me) are in the process of developing a forum to facilitate the whole thing. It should be up and running this time next week, so we'll keep you posted.
Enjoy your weekend, do something spectacular, don't eat your own body-weight in fast food and I'll see you Monday with a post that will definitely be of interest to many of you - Biology isn't Destiny- a little exploration into creating our best body despite our genetics.
Hello Team. Well, today we have a first for craigharper.com; a guest Blogger. Yep, I have enlisted the services of my cyber-buddy Steve Olson fromsteveolson.comto share some personal development love with you all. Being the control freak that I am, I am pretty particular (okay, manic) about who I will and won't let write on this site (the fact that we've never had a guest Blogger kind of gave that away), so when I say he's the real deal, he is. A big thanks to Steve for taking the time and investing the energy. Enjoy some of Steve's wisdom...
Why is it so hard to change? To lose weight? To quit smoking? To get in shape? To change negative character traits? There are many reasons. And I don't have all the answers, but I can share what I've learned over the last 39 years.
The biggest reason we fail to create the lives we want is because we continually make excuses. But why do we make excuses which trap us?
Personal change is actually quite simple. It only requires five high level steps:
1. Identify the thing you want to change about yourself 2. Decide to change it 3. Garner help and information from other people who have successfully made the same change 4. Build and execute a plan of action using this information and the help of others 5. If you fail, go back to step #3, tweak your plan, and repeat until you produce the desired results.
Most people quit in the middle of #3 and I have discovered one reason why.
Eric Berne didn't buy into this "victimology" that people are "powerless" over their lives. He believed that we can change ourselves because we are the most powerful force in our lives. Eric Berne created a form of psychoanalysis he named Transactional Analysis. I won't explain the details here, except to say that we all play psychological games with other people to get our emotional needs met. Not all, but most of these games create negative experiences in our lives. These games were programmed into our subconscious during childhood, so as adults we are unaware we are playing games. Unfortunately these negative games tend to create a negative "script" for our lives.
One of the first games Dr. Berne discovered is also the most heavily researched.
From Wikipedia:
Why Don't You/Yes But
The first such game theorized was Why don't you/Yes, but in which one player (White) would pose a problem as if seeking help, and the other player(s) (Black) would offer solutions (the "Why don't you?" suggestion). This game was noticed as many patients played it in therapy and psychiatry sessions, and inspired Berne to identify other interpersonal "games".
White would point out a flaw in every Black player's solution (the "Yes, but" response), until they all gave up in frustration.
White: I wish I could lose some weight. Black: Why don't you join a gym? W: Yes but, I can't afford the payments for a gym. B: Why don't you speed walk around your block after you get home from work? W: Yes but, I don't dare walk alone in my neighborhood after dark. B: Why don't you take the stairs at work instead of the elevator? W: Yes but, after my knee surgery, it hurts too much to walk that many flights of stairs. B: Why don't you change your diet? W: Yes but, my stomach is sensitive and I can tolerate only certain foods.
"Why Don't You, Yes But" can proceed indefinitely, with any number of players in the Black role, until Black's imagination is exhausted, and he or she can think of no other solutions. At this point, White "wins" by having stumped Black. After a silent pause following Black's final suggestion, the game is often brought to a formal end by a third role, Green, who makes a comment such as, "It just goes to show how difficult it is to lose weight."
Doesn't that sound familiar? I'm sure we've all been on both sides of this game at one time or another. We play these games because we get an emotional "payoff."
The emotional payoff of Why Don't You, Yes But:
1. Protection of the ego. You're the "winner". It makes you feel like you've "beaten" the solution provider. It demonstrates that you, the person seeking answers, are not inadequate but instead the solution provider is inadequate. It is a form of competitive excuse making. Remember, this isn't conscious, it's subconscious. Most people who play this game have a subconscious fear of surrender and to accept any answer is to surrender. Your desire to be in total control is greater than your desire to learn.
2. Avoiding feelings of guilt. Accepting a solution means there is an answer to your problem, thus you can rid yourself of the problem. So this game is effective at avoiding guilt (and some say personal responsibility which is frequently confused with guilt - you can be responsible without being guilty).
Sometimes we play this game with ourselves. I know I have. I think about a problem and then I shoot down every solution which rises into my consciousness and then I go back to living the way I've always lived, until the negative consequences rear their head, and then I play the game again.
Some strategies...
I'm not an expert at de-programming the sub-conscious mind, but I can give you some ideas.
Identify when you are playing the game. If someone is seeking a solution to a personal problem and every solution is shot down, you are probably playing the game.
Identify if you are playing the role of excuse maker or solution provider
If you are playing the role of excuse maker, stop yourself and consciously force yourself to accept a solution. Tell the solution provider, "Now that is a great idea. I'll try that." See how it makes you feel. If the idea is reasonable, put it into action, and the next time you find yourself making excuses, accept a solution again. With enough practice you'll break your negative habit and your life will begin to change.
If you are playing the role of solution provider and you've offered several reasonable solutions and they are refused, stop playing. Instead say, "Wow, that is a tough problem, what are you going to do about it." This response will likely leave the excuse maker at a complete loss of words. It may even wake him up to the game he is playing.
To live the life you want, you must stop playing destructive games. But what makes giving up games so difficult is that we tend to surround ourselves with people who play the same games we do. Sometimes we will find, if we stop playing destructive games our current relationships evaporate because they weren't based on true intimacy, they were based on game play. This is most obvious with alcoholics and drug addicts, but it can happen to anyone with ingrained destructive patterns, even overeating.
Ultimately, in life, we are trying to fill the time between the nursery and the mortuary with something meaningful. Games give us phony meaning. So if you are on journey of personal growth, learning to live a game-free life is worth the effort, because the rewards pay a thousandfold more than any futile game. On the inverse side of game play is a life filled with awareness, spontaneity, and intimacy. A life which doesn't repeat the same monotonous script until tragedy strikes. I encourage you to join me on this quest for personal freedom.
Steve Olson is a 39-year-old, father, husband, entrepreneur,Personal Development Blogger, Political Activist, and Technical Applications Manager atErgotron Inc. specializing in Custom Applications and the Oracle e-Business Suite. Steve is a father of two boys ages 2 and 4 and lives in a suburb of Minneapolis Minnesota with his beautiful wife, Christine.
* Great work Mr Guest Blogger. You made me think and pushed a few of my rather large buttons. Next time don't be quite so good. You know how insecure I am.
* Let us know your thoughts on this post and feel free to share some cyber-love and encouragement with Steve who kindly donated his time, knowledge and skills to a great cause; you and me!
Hello Groovers... a little house-keeping before we get under way with today's post.
1. As you may have noticed, we have had a strong and positive (almost overwhelming) response to our Accountability Partner concept (see yesterday's post). As we speak (okay, as I write), the Bald Man is doing his best to figure out the technical and logistical stuff to be able to make this idea a working reality. Clearly, I'm the creative and he's the tech-head brainiac. I have trouble using a microwave oven, so I'm gonna be no help to him at all. If you have experience, knowledge and/or skills that might be of value to Baldy, drop him an email via the 'email Craig' menu option thingy. We should have it all figured out within the next few days and hopefully the project will be operational within a week or so.
2. After a couple of false starts, we have decided to proceed with our Renovate Your Life program mid 2008 - date to be announced in the next week. The program will be facilitated by Mr Bossy Pants (me) and will run on a Sunday from my Brighton Centre here in Melbourne. It will be a big day, starting at 8.30 and wrapping up at about 6.00 ish. There's a slim chance that Bobby Cappuccio might be out from the States (only one of the best speakers on the planet) to share the stage with me (I'm currently twisting his arm) so stay tuned... Either way it will be an awesome day. If you would like to register your interest early, simply email us.
3. Johnnie often gets requests from visitors to our site looking to purchase a DVD of one of my presentations. Well, I just recently completed a corporate gig which happened to be filmed and the DVD will be available for purchase in the next few weeks. It will be relatively affordable; probably about $25.00 (in Aust.) or $30.00 (overseas) including postage. It's a sixty(ish) minute presentation about 'change' with a focus on the body stuff - it's called Renovate Your Body. And of course, I'm hilarious and the presentation is amazing.
Okay, on with today's post: So Educated but so Stupid.
If the Personal Development movement and it's ever-expanding range of offerings (books, programs, seminars, CD's, Gurus) was in fact proving to be an effective resource in helping humanity pull itself out of it's collective crap, then globally we should be seeing things improving by the day. After all, we've got more of the Fix-Your-Life stuff available right now than we've had at any time in our history. You and I live in the self-help age and the information-overload age but despite being so enlightened and informed as a species, it seems that we're as stupid, lazy, irresponsible and destructive as we've ever been. Maybe even more so.
In case you haven't been told, as a group numbering about six billion or so, we're not really travelling that well. We're either fat or starving, we're addicted to drugs, we spend more than we earn, we kill each other for a cause, we mutilate our healthy bodies with cosmetic surgery because we're obsessed with our appearance, we're constantly in therapy, we're angry at the world, we medicate with alcohol, we share the most intimate physical experience with strangers and we continue our destructive behaviours despite the fact that we know better.
And then there's our planet; it's not really having a good time either. However, if we can find a way to overlook the rapidly declining state of our forests, oceans, arctic regions and air quality, then there really are no problems. Er... that is as long as we don't think too much about those numerous species of animals that become extinct each year. Who cares; there's still a whole bunch left.
You may or may not have noticed, but right here on the big blue ball we have a few serious problems. There's the war thing of course; we keep killing each other (always for a good cause though). Then there's the globalobesity thing - fortunately it's not our fault; it's all those horrible fast food companies and their clever marketing people. And at the other end of the scale there's the starvingpeople thing in those countries with weird names - you may have seen the World Vision advertisements on the TV. We also have the personal debt thing - most of us are getting further into debt every day; because of those seductive advertisers who prey on our feeble minds of course - but at least we have our gigantic plasma screens in each room of the house to ease the pain. Apparently in some countries, the people don't have any money at all - who'da thought? Oh well, we don't live there so it's not really a problem for us. And then there's that other small challenge that we've been having for a few (thousand) years. You know, the religion one. Apparently we're right and they're wrong. Or is it the other way around? Not sure. Anyway, it's a good thing that the various religions around the globe are all about love, forgiveness, tolerance and enlightenment - otherwise we could end up with some kinda religious war on our hands. As if that would happen.
Here's an idea... what if from now on, instead of being angry at the world, constantly finding fault in others, blaming my parents for ruining my life, hating people who don't believe what I do, destroying my body with food and drugs, putting my head in the sand and doing my best to make others look or feel bad... what if I change what I can - me. Perhaps I'll start to put those five hundred self-help books that I've read to some use. Maybe I've read enough for the moment. Maybe I should apply what I know and work hard at making me a better human being.
Imagine if we all did that. We might change the world.
There's a thought.
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They say that all successful endeavours (programs, products, businesses) were once nothing more than an idea - so today I want to present you with an idea:
In last Thursday's post - Eight Steps to Getting out of that Rut- I spoke about the notion of using an Accountability Partner; someone to help you stay focused, objective, proactive, positive and productive on your journey. I also talked about the value of channelling your energy into something (a project) or someone, other than yourself. The truth is that (1) from time to time we all need a coach to kick our butt, answer our questions, listen to our concerns and support us through a challenging time and (2) we can all benefit greatly by investing our time, energy, knowledge and compassion into the lives of others; taking the focus off us for a while. By helping others we actually help ourselves; the perfect win-win relationship.
Well, these two factors seem to have pushed some buttons with a few of you and have given rise to an idea. A bunch of comments and emails have told us a few things:
1) Some of you struggle from time to time to keep doing what you need to reach your goals and could benefit from having your own Accountability Partner... but finding one is easier said than done.
2) Some of you would like the opportunity to 'give back' and are interested in being able to coach, mentor, support (be an Accountability Partner for) someone who needs some help... but you don't necessarily know how to make that happen.
3) Some of you may want to support someone else while seeking out an Accountability Partner of your own (even coaches need coaches) at the same time.
With this in mind, we (Webmaster Johnnie an I) are currently considering developing some kind of forum to make this happen; a cyber-place where you can find an Accountability Partner, or become one for someone else.
But wait....
But before we explore the idea any further or invest too much time, energy or creative juice, we need to establish the level of interest (or disinterest) from our readers in such a concept. This is not a commercial idea in any way, shape or form but rather a chance for people to help or be helped. No strings, no catches, no agenda; just an opportunity to do some good and be selfless - a crazy notion I know.
Because we have a truly global audience (we're currently at about 40,000 visitors per week), there's every chance that you would be partnering someone on the other side of the world - how cool would that be? Interested?
If you are interested in (1) finding an Accountability Partner to help you reach your goals or (2) becoming an Accountability Partner to help someone else on their journey, simply click on the comment thingy (don't be a chicken) and voice your interest. If you have any thoughts, ideas and / or suggestions we would GLADLY welcome your input and help. Goodness knows, we need it!
If there's enough interest (need), then we'll find a way to make it happen. Imagine being able to do good, help a stranger and genuinely make a difference without even leaving your house; volunteer work from your keyboard - too cool.
Like it or loath it, we all have a relationship with money. We don't really have a choice; it's somewhat of a necessity. Unless of course you're a skilled hunter, gatherer, farmer, living entirely off the land in your own hand-built hut, wearing animal skins and residing in some remote, exotic location. Who happens to have Internet access. Of course.
Part of the human experience
Money means different things to different people. Or different things for the same people at different stages of their journey - stress, anxiety, freedom, choices, arguments, happiness, sadness, motivation, sleepless nights, elation and sadly things like crime, violence, deception, manipulation and even marital breakdown. Like it or not, money is a necessary part of the human experience; something which needs to be negotiated and managed virtually every day of our lives.
What does money mean to us individually?
When we really dumb it down and we take the emotion out of it (yes, some of us are very emotional - periodically irrational - about money), it's kinda simple; money is a resource. It's a resource that let's us do stuff. Drive this car, live in that house, wear that dress or suit, fly to that country, enjoy this type of lifestyle; for some, pretty superficial and unimportant stuff, and for others, very significant stuff. On a certain level, things only have the meaning we give them and unfortunately, many of us seem to have handed over way to much power to the 'almighty dollar'. And in doing so, we seem to have lost part of us.
Different things to different people
For the majority, money is something to be used in a practical way to live our lives - pay bills, buy food, educate our kids, fix the broken fence and enjoy the annual holiday. While for others, it's their life-force; it's what gets them out of bed each day. It's their obsession. While many see it for what it is (a resource), others make money their god; they worship it and they spend a lifetime being hopelessly enslaved to it. Usually at great personal expense.
An identity?
For some people, their money is who they are. It's the thing that gives them a sense of worth; their self esteem, their confidence - or arrogance. Take away their money and they feel worthless and insecure; they lose their identity and their power (or perceived power anyway). Rather than it being a necessary resource, it has become their reason for being. They are captivated by it, driven by it, addicted to it and ultimately destroyed by it. Ironically, their tireless pursuit of wealth at any cost invariably results in bankruptcy in every other area of their life. When we hand over our power to something which can be taken away in a second, we have a tendency to become very vulnerable and insecure. If not, paranoid and obsessed.
Wealth without the money
What about the notion of being rich without having significant money or assets? Well, that depends on your definition of wealth. In my opinion, some of the wealthiest people don't have much money at all and some of the poorest people are literally millionaires - it's a matter of perception and definition isn't it? While it's not said too often or too loud in mainstream society (political correctness and all), the underlying message seems to be:
Money = happiness More money = more happiness Most money = most happiness
Having worked with some obscenely rich folk over the years, I can tell you with absolute certainty that there is no universal correlation between increased material wealth and increased happiness. And no, financial wealth and happiness are not necessarily mutually exclusive either.
Anti-Money?
At the other end of the scale we can find the anti-establishment, anti-material possession, anti-money brigade who see money as evil and the pursuit of it analogous to sin. This doesn't seem to be a very practical, realistic or empowering paradigm to inhabit either. There's nothing wrong with money. After all, money can't be good or bad, it's just a bunch of paper that's been assigned a value by us! No, money only becomes bad or destructive when it comes to represent something that it shouldn't.
What do I think?
Now before I get three hundred emails telling me that I'm a hypocrite because I charge companies thousands of dollars to work with them, don't misinterpret my thoughts on money. Making money or being wealthy is not of itself, a bad thing. In fact, for the most part I admire people who succeed in business - as long as that success doesn't come at the cost of their values, their health, their relationships, their integrity, their life, or their emotional, psychological and spiritual development. As long as we recognise and use money for what it is and don't bow down before it, we should have a relatively healthy relationship with it. Do I have financial goals? Yep. Are they at the top of my list? Nope. Do I focus on, or obsess about, money? Nope. Have I ever struggled financially? Yep. In fact, for the majority of my adult life I have not earned a lot of money.
By the way, even with my business aspirations and goals I have never been driven by money. Of course it's an issue and a challenge from time to time, but it's not why I do what I do. If I was all about money, I wouldn't be writing this article - I'd be doing something that I get paid for. I've been driven by a desire to do whatever I do with excellence, to have fun and to impact the lives of others in a positive way - I see my (moderate) financial success as a by-product of that pursuit.
People often suggest that "money is the root of all evil", which is actually a misquote of a scripture from the New Testament which says, "the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil" (1 Timothy, 6:10). See, even two thousand years ago they were talking about this stuff!
Didn't know I could be theological did you? Me either!
Tell me about your relationship with, or thoughts on, money. * Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
Hi Guys, sorry for the lack of book reviews on the site over the last few weeks - my fault. And sorry to my diligent reviewers. We will have two new reviews (maybe three) up next week. Take a look at book review 15 by Dianne Davidson here. Feel free to comment on the reviewed book, to encourage our reviewer, or just say hi and add your thoughts.
Sometimes life feels like quicksand - unpleasant, messy, exhausting and like you're about to sink at any moment. And all too often it seems like one of those baggage carousels at the airport where you feel like you're getting somewhere for a moment, only to end up in the exact same place on a regular basis. Again and again and again. Groundhog day. If only someone would throw you a rope for the quicksand situation or come and collect you from the carousel.
Well, more than likely nobody's gonna show, so you may have to do something about it yourself.
1. Stop waiting to be rescued from your situation. Others might help, encourage, support and even cheer you on (all good things) - but ultimately the only person who can genuinely change your life is you. So stop looking in the wrong place. It's not about finding the right book, program or guru, it's about finding some courage and self control. Deep down, most of us know exactly what we need to do, the only problem is... it freaks us out! Take control of your life today; your relationships, your body, your finances, your career and your attitude. Control what you can and don't waste energy on what you can't. Hate to tell you but the Dude with the red boots and the 'S' on his chest; not real. He ain't gonna show. You'll have to rescue yourself.
2. Consciously achieve at least one Personal Growth goal per day. Do something every day (yep, every single day) that you should do but probably wouldn't have done, had you not read this article or made a new commitment. It might be something huge like going to A.A. for the first time, it might be something like healing a damaged relationship or it could be something simple (but significant nonetheless) like going for a twenty minute walk or reducing your chocolate intake by half. As you tick those boxes day after day, your thinking will change, your motivation will increase, you'll become more productive and proactive, and pretty soon you'll be living in a different place. But make sure you do it every day, not just when it's convenient!
3. Stop hoping for a solution and start creating one. They say that a person without hope is lost. Well, I gotta tell you that hope by itself ain't gonna getcha there. Wherever there is. "Let's hope for the best and see what happens" - nice sentiment and all, but not a very helpful or practical strategy for a better life. Useless in fact. The let's-keep-our-fingers-crossed mentality doesn't usually (okay, ever) result in positive long-term change. A better future ain't about luck, destiny, fate and it definitely ain't about hoping that success will findyou or that things will work themselves out (one of my least fave cop-outs). Things don't work themselves out; we work them out.
4. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get some perspective. Easier said than done, but very possible. The truth is that all too often we make our life harder than it needs to be. Of course life is one lesson after another, but that's the best part isn't it? That's where we grow, learn, adapt, get strong and become more effective. Or... get a little deeper in our rut. Sometimes we need to step outside of our reality (problems, challenges, environment) to understand and appreciate what we really have and how tough our life isn't. A few years back I went to South Africa with a friend of mine who works for a charity. For two weeks we worked with children infected with the A.I.D.S. virus. When I returned home my problems didn't really seem like problems. At all. I was the only problem I had. The only thing that really needed to change was me. It wasn't about my life, it was about me in it.
5. Change your attitude. Yes an obvious statement I know, but the attitude we take into every situation, circumstance and conversation LARGELY determines the results we create in our life; good attitude - good (or better) outcomes, bad attitude - bad (or worse) outcomes. Don't believe me? Hang out with someone with a bad attitude for a while and tell me what you discover. It seems that I'm one of the few who espouses the 'attitude is a choice' school of thought. Contrary to popular opinion (of some), I believe that the vast majority of us can make today, or any day, good or bad, positive or negative - by choice. Of course we'll have better and worse days, a few hurdles, problems and unforeseen speed humps (we call that life), but let's create the best outcomes possible despite what happens to us, or around us. I spoke to a woman recently who has transformed her life over the last six months. I asked her what made the difference and she told me "I got to a point where I was honestly sick at the sound of my own negativity, complaining and excuses. It was like one day I woke up, realised what I was like and I didn't enjoy what I saw, so I changed. Sounds unbelievable but it's true." And I can tell you; it is true. She is a different person - because she made that decision.
6. Get involved in a project other than yourself! The more self-absorbed we are, the unhappier we'll be and the longer we'll stay in our rut. Ironically, sometimes the answer to overcoming some of our issues is to not focus on (obsess about) our issues. Weird huh? When we become more focused on giving (rather than getting) amazing things happen. We often find a new sense of purpose, we feel needed, wanted and appreciated and we start to shift from a negative to a positive mindset. From selfish to selfless. Nearly every Christmas day I work with the homeless, serving them lunch and it is honestly the best Christmas present I could get.
7. Get in shape. Of course the Exercise Scientist is gonna say that. Well, the research (and observation) does tell us that if you're out of shape physically, there's a high likelihood you'll be out of shape emotionally and/or psychologically (in a rut). Of course we are much more than a mere body, but it's no small coincidence that both obesity and depression are both reaching epidemic proportions at about the same time. And no, the obesity is not (necessarily) causal (the sole reason for the depression), but there is definitely a significant relationship.
8. Find an Accountability Partner. If you're serious about this, then it's often a good idea to use a coach, mentor, friend (etc.) to kick your butt, encourage you, provide feedback, keep you accountable to your commitment and to periodically stop you from sulking and losing the plot.
That's all I got.
Get busy.
Ciao.
* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
* For some of you, this post will be little more than revision - it's a little old-school - but based on some of the emails I've received lately, it might be timely and relevant for quite a few of you.
We're all about making real and practical changes in our very real and practical lives, so I thought it was about time for us to roll up our sleeves and move from the theoretical to the practical. We've explored behavioural science and the psychology of change for long enough, now it's time to do. The following is a process that I use with my clients when working towards life-long change; forever results. It's simple and it's effective. If you actually do it, that is.
Step 1. Do a stock take.
Honestly, unemotionally and practically assess where your life is at right now. Your body, your career, your relationships, your financial situation, your personal goals, your mindset - anything and everything which has an influence on your overall life experience. Be practical, logical, unemotional and brutally honest. It's not about beating yourself up or indulging in self-loathing; it's about stepping into reality and addressing those things in a realistic, no-crap manner. You may (or may not) want to enlist the help of a friend or a relevant professional to assist you in effectively working your way through this process. Keep a journal of what you discover.
Step 2. Identify what's held you back in the past and address it.
If you don't address the things which have limited you in the past, then all the planning, dreaming, talking, hoping and potential will amount to nothing. Again. Be honest, be realistic and don't be precious. Typically, things like laziness, procrastination, fear, dis-organisation, ignorance, pride, lack of planning and research, and poor preparation stop people from succeeding. But at the top of most people's list is inconsistency. So often, we simply don't finish what we start. We're world-beaters for about two weeks. How many things have you started which you've never completed? How many empty promises have you made. Don't you get sick of that? If we don't identify and do something about the things which have held us back up to this point in time, we'll simply keep making the same mistakes and producing the same frustrating results. Remember: If nothing changes, nothing changes and if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
Step 3. Get clarity and certainty about what you do and don't want for your life.
Some people will never get out of the rut they inhabit because they never really get clear about what they want their future life to look like. They want different but they don't know exactly what that means. If you can't get clarity about what you want for your future, you ain't gonna create it. In my workshops, when I ask this question "who wants to be wildly successful" every hand in the room goes up. Of course. But when we follow that question up with a few minutes for the audience to write down what success is for them, the majority sit there with a dumb look on their face. And sadly, if they can't define it, they probably won't live it.
Step 4. Make some real decisions. You know the ones. The ones you've avoided for too long. The ones you constantly put off. Not the fluffy, which-socks-will-I-wear-today decisions, but those massive, I'm-gonna-change-my-life decisions. The ones which require courage, commitment and a different attitude. Be courageous, be focused and make those decisions that will enable you to build your best life. And stop waiting for some cosmic sign to address what you should have long ago.
Step 5.Set specific goals around those decisions.
Of course we all have a theoretical understanding of what goal setting is all about... if only we actually did it. We don't. We think we do, but we don't. If life was a theory, we'd all be high-achievers. Sure we have a wish-list and some vague aspirations of what life could be, but the truth is we don't consistently and methodically set goals and create different outcomes. We start, we stop. We get excited, we lose the plot. Some examples:
Behavioral goals: I will walk to work three days per week instead of taking the bus. I will not use the F word from today. I will work at becoming a more effective listener.
Health goals: I will lose 10kilos (22lbs) over the next ten weeks. I will drink alcohol only one day per week.
Career: I will open my own business within eighteen months.
Financial goals:I will reduce my debt by XYZ over the next six months. Lifestyle goals: I will take a minimum of four weeks holiday annually. I will play with my kids for a minimum of thirty minutes every day.
Fitness/sporting goals: I will complete a half marathon within six months.
Personal development goals: I will read one book per month.
Specific, measurable and time-based goals work best; they keep us accountable and pro-active. Vague goals are ineffective and pointless.
Wrong: I want to get in shape (vague, wishy-washy).
Right: Over the next ten weeks I will lower my blood pressure to 120/75, lose 5% body-fat and reduce my run time by three minutes - (specific, measurable, keeps you accountable).
Step 6.Create a plan
You know where you want to go, now you need to figure out how you'll get there. You won't accidentally succeed. Passion, commitment, determination and positive attitude are important, but if you don't have a map, you'll never arrive at your preferred destination. Create the map, then follow it! Many people fail simply because they are dis-organised and haven't planned appropriately. Motivation and excitement will only get you so far. They need to be attached to an intelligent plan.
Step 7. Take action and keep taking action
Doers succeed. Less talk, more action from you thanks! Do something (big or small) today which will get you closer to where you want to be. Make a phone call. Buy some runners. Make an appointment. Go for a jog. Clean out your pantry. Fix a broken relationship (you know the one). Start reading food labels. Enrol in a course. Buy a diary. Get uncomfortable. Do it again tomorrow. And the next day.
Step 8.Improvise, adapt, overcome, deal with set-backs Often the most successful person is simply the one who deals most effectively with hurdles, obstacles and challenges. Life's messy, lumpy, bumpy, unpredictable and unfair. Get your head around that and you'll do better than most. The difficult stuff is where we learn, grow and develop. Believe it or not, a life without challenges is actually a handicap to our personal growth.
Step 9. Finish what you start
The number one reason we don't achieve what we set out to is... we don't finish what we start. You know that. We are a nation of people who have almost done a lot of things. If only we'd actually complete something. Consistency is the key. Why don't most people who join gyms achieve their goals? They don't go. They start but they don't finish. Even when the motivation wears off (and it will), do it anyway. Even when it ain't fun (and it won't be sometimes) do it anyway. When everyone else throws in the towel, you stay committed. If you want to be like everybody else, then do what they do. If you want to be exceptional, then do what most won't; persevere.
Simple huh? Let me know how you go.
Enjoy your week and do something out of character. Surprise yourself. Just because.
Ciao Groovers.
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'You're Not the Boss of Me' T-Shirts
Are you sick
of the bossy people in your world? Well,
this T-shirt could solve all of your
problems and change your life. But then
again, probably not. Order your shirt
here.
