This site is the website of motivational speaker Craig Harper. A constantly updated, one-stop information, inspiration, education and motivation station. Unlike many similar sites, it is a totally free resource for anyone who is serious about moving from mediocre to amazing in any area of their personal or professional life. With hundreds of articles covering a wide range of subject matter, great interviews with cool people and inspirational video posts, there's more than enough brain-food to keep you busy for hours. Okay, days!! Enjoy.
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Fattitude
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Craig Harper is Australia's leading
motivational speaker
and educator (according to Google Australia). He is a highly
sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be
a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and
professional development.
Working with hundreds of
teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations
on numerous continents over the last twenty years
has given Craig a unique insight into, and
understanding of, human performance and all its
variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire,
challenge and make people laugh all at the same
time!
Hope this finds you all well. Thanks for all your great comments on Wednesday's post and for your well wishes for my trip. You don't mind if I weave some of your favourite sayings/quotes into my presentations do you? I'll credit you of course...
So I'm a little under-slept, under-exercised and over-fed but other than that, I'm brand new. We had a few dramas between Melbourne and here but we made it in one piece, and all is good. I gotta say, if I lived in the States I would weigh 400lbs by Christmas. The meals here are ridiculous. Last night I went out with the lads for dinner and ordered the healthiest thing on the menu; a chicken salad. It came with mayo, dressing, cheese, croutons and what looked like, an emu! Paul, my travel partner almost ate himself to death with several courses. He was in pain the whole night and being the nurturer I am, I laughed at him. A lot. He would have done the same for me. It's a guy thing.
I'm sitting in my hotel room in Denver and am about to take my slightly fatter self for a jog in the rare air. About 25% less O2 up here because we're at over 6,000 ft. We head up to the snow fields of Keystone tomorrow and Mr Co-ordination will show the masses how not to ski. Hopefully my presentation at the conference will be of a higher standard than my skiing.
Later today Richard (our host over here) is taking a whole bunch of us to see the sites and probably to eat another farm animal or two. Seriously, I need to figure out an eating strategy for over here or I'm gonna have diabetes by next Tuesday. Isn't it weird how when you're out of your environment, your routine and all that's familiar, it takes a while for your body and your head to figure out what's going on? My body is not happy with me right now; it thinks I'm abusing it. I've only had about four hours sleep in the last two days. Jet lag kinda sucks.
Anyway, enough waffle from me. I will post something of substance on Monday providing I don't encounter internet problems. Enjoy your weekend, be amazing by choice and I'll see you (kind of) on Monday.
Hi Guys. Take a look at book reviews 8 and 9 by Dianne Davidson and Victoria May here. Feel free to comment on the reviewed book, to encourage our reviewers, or just say hi and add your thoughts.
Well, even though it's only a matter of days since I unpacked my bikini (don't think about that too much) from my trip to the tropical paradise of Fiji, I now find myself looking desperately through my pathetic wardrobe hoping to find something warm enough to get me through the next ten days in the snow fields of Colorado. That's right; tomorrow morning I'm off to Keystone Ski Resort (and conference facility) to give a presentation. Someone's gotta do it and apparently, I'm the guy. It should be an interesting trip for the man who's never really been on snow and has the motor skills of a new-born foal. If you live anywhere near Keystone, come and say hello to me. I'll be the one on crutches with the horrible accent. The fill in...
I'm speaking at a conference being run by an organisation called PTontheNet. The conference is called 'Meeting of the Minds' and it brings together some of the best fitness educators from all around the world. And me. Clearly I'm there to make the others look good. Apparently I'm opening the event. Someone must have pulled out. Do you think the Americans will find me offensive? Hmm, thought so. Funny? Thought not. Might have to re-think my presentation.
Nah.
It's midnight Tuesday here in Melbourne, I fly out in eleven hours (a casual 17 hrs, 35 min. flight from Melbourne to LA!!!), I haven't packed a thing, not sure where my passport is, just got back from doing some radio and I'm kinda hungry. Can't wait for some of that quality plane food.
So... for the next few days you may not hear from me too often. Or you may. Not sure what my schedule will be but I will post (write articles) when I can, and I will keep you updated on my skiing progress. Anyway, rather than bore you with any more details of my life, I have a group exercise for you today. I'm always dispensing 'life lessons' and today it's your turn to contribute. Your turn to teach the rest of us something. Even you lurkers may want to shock yourselves and creep out of the shadows.
Today I want you to share your favorite motivational / philosophical / inspirational or educational saying (proverb, expression, scripture, etc.) with the rest of us. I also want you to tell us why it's your favorite (keep it under a million words). Hopefully it will inspire or enlighten someone else, as it has you.
Two of my faves are:
"We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give" (Big Winnie Churchill)
"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are" (Anais Nin)
Hi Guys. Sorry we got a little behind with the reviews. My fault. Take a look at review 6 by Jo Deeker here. Feel free to comment on the reviewed book, to encourage our reviewers, or to just say hi and add your thoughts.
Have you ever thought about your funeral? I have. Mine that is, not yours. Sometimes I wonder what it will be like. Who will be there, what they will say. Good stuff or bad? Will it be a sad or happy occasion? Will there be three people or three thousand? Or fifty perhaps? It's certainly not something that I dwell on (that would be creepy), but from time to time (usually when I'm at a funeral myself) I let my mind wander and consider what that day might be like. I hope by the time it rolls around I've done some good and made a difference. And I really hope there's a reason for my friends and family to be proud of who I was, and what I did in my lifetime. I hope they don't struggle to find something nice to say! That would suck.
"Aah, well... Craig was, he was...er, kinda.. chunky... yeah.. and he was good at.. bench pressing."
I've been to a few funerals where people seemed to struggle to find nice things to say about the person who has died. That's kind of sad don't you think? They seem to clutch at straws and rationalise, explain and justify his or her behaviour / existence. Imagine dying knowing that you won't really be missed. That's really gotta suck. Or perhaps knowing that, on some level, you wasted your talent, your time, your relationships, your opportunities, your life. Imagine dying with your music still in you.
Here for just a moment.
In the context of 'time' we're only on this planet for a moment, and in the overall scheme of things we are but tiny little specks on the face of humanity. In a way we're insignificant, but at the same time we're giants, if we choose to be. Of course I'm not talking about our physical size, but rather the size of the contribution we make to others; our brothers and sisters here on the big blue ball. The legacy we leave behind. That contribution might be on a 'family and friends' level, a community level, a national level or it might be something we do, which in some way has global implications. If we operate from the premise that life is ultimately about what we can give, (as opposed what we can get - the opposite of what 'modern culture' teaches), then we begin to move from selfishness to significance. And in focusing on the giving we become far richer (on every level) than we ever would have by focusing on the getting. Clever that. Selfish people rarely become rich. Generous people - often. And don't assume that people with loads of money are necessarily rich. Many of them are paupers; spiritually, emotionally and mentally bankrupt. Not all of course, but some.
Giants.
Some of the most seemingly insignificant people have become giants of humanity, not because of some pre-determined cosmic mandate, but because they did amazing things in their lifetime. They used what they had while others squandered and wasted their talent and opportunities. They swam against the tide. They thought, chose and acted differently to the majority. They found the lesson not the problem. They asked the right questions. They looked for meaning not approval, for constructive feedback not a cheer squad. While others were whining, they were winning. They were human and fearful like you and me, but they were brave in the face of adversity. Regularly. While others procrastinated, they did. While others talked about it, they made it happen. They weren't any more talented than you or I, but they grabbed life by the throat and shook the crap out of it.
Show up, suit up, shove off.
I don't know about you, but I don't want "just another life." I don't want to be number 8,371,140,562 on the list of people to have walked the earth. Get born, go to school, get married, have my 2.3 kids, get fat, work for fifty years, almost pay off a house, have a holiday every third year and then die. I want more than an existence. I want significance.
An amazing life by design.
I want an amazing, rewarding, spectacular, fulfilling, challenging, exciting life. Not because I deserve it, but because I will earn it. Because I will work for it. Because I will create it. I deserve nothing and I will earn everything. I may not be an exceptional person (in terms of gifts and talent) but I can become exceptional by what I do with my life and by how I use what I've been given. Exceptional means doing what the majority won't; the exception to the rule. I can choose to have an exceptional attitude, do exceptional things, create and live up to exceptional standards and produce exceptional results; an amazing life by design. And in doing so the 'average' person (all of us) becomes exceptional because he/she does what most won't. As I've shared many times, living our own amazing life is not about luck, fate, chance, destiny or opportunities, it's about choices and attitude. We build it. And if we don't take control of our life, it will take control of us.
No regrets.
Lately I've met and spoken with so many people who regret so many things. I don't want to live or die with regrets. I don't want to be the person who was always at the threshold of something great; the person who nearly did so many things. I don't want to be the perpetual victim, the procrastinator, the time waster or the big talker. I want to be the person who uses what he has, who gets the most out of himself, who grabs life by the throat and shakes the crap out of it. I might not win a Nobel peace prize, resolve world hunger or have any kind of global impact, but I will absolutely do the best I can with what I've been given. I will not die wondering, I will not waste my talent, I will not wait for the right time and will not live "just another life."
Today is more of a tip, a simple piece of advice, than a lengthy discussion or exploration. Something I've learned along the way which you may find helpful.
One of the biggest mental hurdles for many people on the road to self-improvement is getting their head around the notion of life-long behavioural change. Life; it's kind of a long time isn't it? Never to be the same again. Ever. Getting our head around the 'forever' thing can be a little daunting, especially when we feel like we're a million miles from where we wanna be. Sometimes the thought of changing certain behaviours, habits and attitudes for the rest of our life, can seem completely overwhelming, impractical and unrealistic. Terrifying even.
The Truth...
The sad truth is that many people achieve a certain level of success only to 'undo' their good work within a year or less. When I say many, I really mean the vast majority. You know what and who I mean. Just take a look around you. Or a look in the mirror. Most people who lose weight regain it, most people who 'give up' certain things, take them up again, and many people seem to alternate between loungelizard and athlete, in some kind of weird annual ritual of frustration. In fact, many people will spend the majority of their life on a perpetual cycle of starting and stopping a range of programs, diets, fitness kicks and short-term healthy endeavors. Almost changing on a regular basis, but never actually doing it. We all want the 'different forever' thing, but statistically very few people create it. Not because they can't, just because they won't.
So the questions that need to be asked are:
1. What approach is most likely to lead to forever results?
2. What is least likely to be effective?
3. Where do most people stumble?
4. When we take an objective, analytical, scientific glimpse at the various approaches (to change) and the results they produce, what do we discover?
What We Know...
We know that extreme rarely works but so many people continue to use the extreme approach anyway. Trying to create drastic change in a short amount of time (rapid weight loss diets, get-rich-quick-schemes) almost never results in life-long transformation. In fact, it invariably results in frustration and disappointment. The notion of trying to 'undo' decades of destructive behaviours and bad habits in a matter of weeks is stupid, but still we try. The quick-fix generation, with the quick-fix mentality mostly fixes nothing.
What About Emotion?
We also know that when it comes to creating forever results, logic, planning and strategy are infinitely more effective than emotion. Emotion is great to get us started and it's good to keep us proactive for a day or two, but beyond that we may need a plan. We need an approach which keeps us doing what we need to do, irrespective of our emotional state on a given day. Decisions often come out of emotion (which is okay), but that emotion needs to be harnessed to a logical, practical change strategy for it to result in anything worthwhile or permanent.
We know that motivation is a temporary state and therefore we need to be able to maintain focus, consistency and momentum even when the feeling of motivation is absent. This is where most people fail. They have an initial burst of enthusiasm and motivation, they change their behaviours (for a minute or two) and then when the motivation (excitement) wears off (which it will), so too do the behaviours. Back to square one. Again. And again. And the cycle continues.
Four Week Blocks. While it's important that we have medium and long-term goals, the reality is that we live in the present. Here and now. We don't live in the future, so we often find it hard to get our thinking in tune with the changing for therest of our life concept.
Working with thousands of people has taught me that focusing on 'the next thirty years' (solely) is for many of us, more debilitating than it is empowering. So while we have a big picture plan and some long term goals, it's actually more beneficial to invest the majority of our focus and energy into short-term installments, specifically, four week blocks, which in turn lead to long-term change.
With my clients I have discovered the 'four week' approach to be the most successful strategy in helping them re-invent themselves and create results over the long term. The irony being that by not focusing on forever we are more likely to create forever results. Clever huh? What I love about working with people in smaller installments is that the time frame is short enough to stay mentally focused and emotionally committed (crucial), but also long enough to actually see some real results (crucial). And when we see those results we also see a new peak in excitement, enthusiasm and momentum.
Forever Results
At the end of each four week period, we assess the progress, we high-five, we talk, we set some new goals for the next block and off we go again. My experience is that people love working this way because it's measurable, practical, realistic and it works. We simply break the big process down into manageable installments. While we have the big picture floating somewhere in our subconscious, my clients invest all of their energy into our four week short-term project. Within twelve months, we have usually changed habits and thinking for a lifetime.
Forever results without focusing on forever.
* Let me know your thoughts on this post and feel free to share a (brief) story. Just click on the comment thingy - even you chronic lurkers. If you would like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
Take a look at our fifth book review by Elle St James here. Feel free to comment on the reviewed book, to encourage our reviewer, or to just say hi and add your thoughts.
Sometimes the answers to our problems are not nearly as complex or elusive as many of us seem to believe they are. Or as difficult as some of us make them. Sometimes our problems only exist in our head. Sometimes the journey from where we are to where we'd like to be is not nearly as terrifying as we imagine it is. In fact, it's often kind of exhilarating and liberating.
Living Scared.
That's right; some of us make life hard. Our inability to make certain decisions or do certain things keeps us trapped in a reality that we don't enjoy. Hate, in fact. And standing at the door of our self-created prison is a gate-keeper who only exists in our mind; fear. While other people can walk in and out of our prison (reality) at will, fear has kept some of us from freedom for far too long - telling us what to do, and what not to do, for as long as we can remember. Influencing, if not controlling virtually every area of our lives. For years we've been fearful of getting hurt in some way, fearful of getting fat, or being unloved, unwanted, poor, humiliated, of upsetting people or being discovered for the fraud we believe we are. And we're petrified of being alone. We've lived so much of our life negatively, simply doing our best to avoid the 'bad stuff' and to survive, that somewhere along the way, we seem to have lost, or maybe never even really found, us; the us we still want to be, the us we could be and the us we've dreamed about since we were five.
It's okay, you're still in there.
Sometimes the seemingly insurmountable gap between our current reality and our own version of amazing (prison and freedom) is much smaller than we think. Much, much smaller. A mere step away in fact. With the only challenge being that sometimes the step we need to take is a doozy; the 'no safety net' step. And we love safety nets - that's a big part of the problem.
Fear is a jealous gate-keeper and he wants you staying put in your make-believe prison. That's how he operates. He doesn't want you to see what's out there, what's possible for you. He can't keep you in there but only he knows that. He's been holding a pair of threes while you've had four aces in your hand for years, but he's bluffed you every time. Stared you down, made you believe something that wasn't true - that what you have in your hand isn't good enough. Well listen up...
It is good enough. You are good enough.
This is not feel-good, positive thinking mumbo jumbo, its reality. But you need to make it YOUR reality. Fear doesn't want you making decisions, taking chances or exploring your potential because that's where he loses his power. He doesn't want you hanging out with those 'positive thinking' types and he certainly doesn't want you paying too much attention to articles like this one.
Healthy and unhealthy fear.
Of course there's a time to fear. If someone is pointing a gun at you and you are fearful, then that makes you normal, not gutless. We would call that healthy fear. But that's not what we're talking about today. Today we're talking about the unhealthy, destructive and often irrational fear that controls and ruins lives.
Fearful creatures.
People often ask me what I believe stops so many of us from fulfilling our potential and from creating our best life. In truth, there are many things on the list of likely obstacles: procrastination, laziness, ignorance, indifference, ego and a bunch of other stuff, but without doubt, at the top of most lists, is fear.
It's true; we humans are fearful creatures. On some level we all operate on fear from time to time, and to a point, that's understandable. Wise even. But beyond a point, it's stupid. Destructive even. It's about knowing where that line in the sand should be and staying on the right side. A little fear - good. A life controlled by fear - bad. Painful.
Far too many of our significant 'life decisions' come out of our fearful mindset, and as a consequence, many of us live a life of compromise, under-achievement and imprisonment. And repetition. And repetition. It's like some of us are Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. And repetition. All of our days are just like the ones before. And sadly for some, tomorrow will be the same too. Because that's what we do; the same - even though we desperately want different. The journey between where we are and where we want to be scares the crap out of us so we stay put. In Samesville. A.K.A. prison.
"I don't really like my life right now, but at least there's a level of familiarity and predictability about it. I know what's coming each day and in a way, I'm comfortable with that. It doesn't particularly fulfill me but it doesn't terrify me either. So if it's okay with you, I'll stay here in a holding pattern for forty or fifty years and then I'll die, just like dear old Dad did. There won't be a whole lot of joy or fun, but at least I know what to expect each day." We love certainty (a dangerous thing to love in a uncertain world), we're addicted to safety, we seek familiarity and we want risk-free (good luck with that). Ironically certainty, safety, familiarity and risk-free... is not where we grow, learn, adapt, change or improve. Or find our best life. In fact, quite often the things that we gravitate towards are our biggest handicap.
I have spent a lifetime watching people complicate the simple, avoid the obvious and notdo the very things they should or could have done, long ago. Some people have been almost creating their best life for far too long. Some people have been standing at the threshold of greatness for years, twiddling their thumbs, wasting their time and talent and hoping in vain that success might somehow findit's way to them. An interesting, if not totally unrealistic notion.
Some people have been in situations or circumstances that they really don't want to be in, for years. Decades even. This is because they associate more discomfort / pain with getting out of their current reality, than staying in it. So they stay. Miserable and scared.
Some Personal Development Junkies are masters of this. Just one more workshop, one more conversation, one more mentoring session, one more self-help book and just one more day and then I'll do it. Okay, maybe two more days. Sadly, they don't understand that what they really need is not more time, books, workshops or more motivational fluff, what they really need is some balls. Excuse my honesty but some people are highly educated, very capable, extremely talented and gutless. I've met many of them. Give me someone with less talent, less opportunities, more adversity and some genuine courage, and I'll show you how to get some real results.
I know this is not a message that's often taught in personal development circles but I believe that's a big mistake. I believe it should be shouted from the roof tops. We like to gravitate towards the feel-good (but mostly useless and disempowering) psycho-babble crap. It makes us feel warm and fuzzy for ten minutes but results in no long term positive change. Of course I believe there is a time for listening, for handing holding, for back rubbing, for hugging and for loving support and encouragement. The problem is, some people have had all of that for years and they're STILL in the same place and still doing the same destructive things. Sometimes more therapy ain't the answer. I know that's not a popular thing to say but it's true. There's a time when some people need to suck it up, to stop looking for pity, to stop being a victim and start taking control of their own life. Simple.
Courage.
So often we are taught that creating our best life is about talent, opportunities, planning, goal setting, vision, passion, discipline and a bunch of other stuff. And to an extent it is; it's about all of those things. But there's one non-negotiable ingredient that doesn't get the attention it should; courage. Our ability to do what we need to do, despite the fear. If we have all of the ingredients but no courage, we'll never get there. Wherever there is for us.
Fear and all it's implications in the lives of us mere mortals is something which has fascinated me for years. I have watched it ruin many friendships, careers, businesses, marriages and lives. I have seen it destroy individuals. Like most emotions, on some level, we create it. It's very personal and individual. It's a personal response to, or interpretation of, an event, situation or circumstance.
I've also watched many people stare-down and overcome their fears and enjoy a life of happiness, joy and exhilaration that only comes with true freedom. I've seen brave people turn their lives around after years of frustration and sadness. And I've seen ordinary people do incredible things because they chose to walk out of that prison cell. Once and for all.
Remember...
On the other side of fear is freedom.
Enjoy your liberty my friend. You deserve it and you're worth it.
* Let me know your thoughts on this post and feel free to share a (brief) story. Just click on the comment thingy - even you chronic lurkers. If you would like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
Hello Groovers, long time no chat. I've been in a hammock in a far-away land. Hope you're doing what needs to be done and having some fun along the way. Make sure you don't take yourself too seriously, you'll annoy the crap out of everyone. Before I intro today's post, I gotta say what an outstanding job all of our book reviewers have done so far. Seriously, you girls rock. Kris, Sue, Dee and Tami have written some high-quality reviews and your work has been a valuable addition to our humble little site. The standard of the writing has genuinely blown my socks off. Sure my feet are cold, but at least the reading is good! In the next two weeks we are looking forward to our debut reviews from Terri-Anne, Jo, Victoria and Elle. Go Girls!
I actually wrote this mildly amusing, not particularly educational piece of fluff a couple of days ago but I had some Internet issues in down-town Paradise so I wasn't able to publish it. Anyway, now that I'm back in the high-tech, thriving metropolis of Melbourne with band-width to spare (whatever that means), I thought I might share it with you today...a day or two late.
So here I am in gorgeous Fiji, one of the most beautiful places on earth, hanging out with possibly the nicest people on the planet. It's like everyone in the whole country has a PhD in friendliness. Or at the very least, a Master's degree in happiness. You know when people smile at you and they really smile; the real deal? Not one of those half-assed pathetic grimaces that we Westerners have perfected; the pseudo smile. Kinda looks more like we have wind than we're offering any kind of warm greeting. Nope, with these guys it's your genuine ear-to-ear smile-fest. Man, these people are FRIENDLY!
It's kinda strange to go from a culture where the majority tend to avoid eye contact at all costs (down town Melbourne for example) to one where people almost rugby tackle you to the ground to greet you and express kindness. Perhaps I need to bring a few of the locals back with me. When I'm in Melbourne I feel pretty special if I get sneered at by a passer-by. Any love's good love right?
I know what you might be thinking, "you're at a resort, they have to be nice to you". Well yeah I guess, but they're nice everywhere, not just here. I went for a run into town yesterday (away from the five star experience and into the 'no star' zone) and people waved and shouted at me the whole time - little kids, guys working on the side of the road, people in their houses, truck drivers. Imagine that: people being nice just for the sake of it - that'll never catch on. I think all the shouting and waving back actually tired me out more than the run.
Stress Management Fijian Style
I don't have any stats on it, but I can't imagine too many Fijians dying of a stress-related illness any time soon - not the ones I've met any way. Maybe I could enlist the help of my new buddy Joseph the gardener, who's working (and singing) outside my room right now, to run the stress-management part of my session later this morning. Whatever he's doing, it's working. I wonder if he has a stress management strategy?
I'm not sure that my Australian audience will want to relocate to Fiji and become gardeners at the Sofitel but maybe they should. Maybe I should. Maybe we all should.
I wonder where Joseph learned all that happiness stuff anyway? Probably Doctor Phil. Or perhaps he has the entire Tony Robbins collection? Maybe he's read The Art of Happiness a few times. Oh, I know; he must be a subscriber to medotcom. How else could he do it? Surely he can't just be happy right? Of course not. Probably has a great therapist. Anyway, he doesn't make enough money or own enough stuff to be truly happy does he? Maybe someone needs to have a talk with him to tell him what he's missing out on - he mustn't realise. Perhaps I'll tell him later....
Or not.
Blending in.
So, as you can imagine I have been using my entire Fijian vocabulary at every opportunity. I'm sure they are suitably impressed with my proficiency in their native tongue. In fact, at a quick glimpse I'm sure I could be mistaken for one of the locals. Were it not for my gigantic white body, my shaved head, my complete lack of cool-ness and my hideous accent, I would blend right in with the local population.
"Bula", I say to my new friends.
Which is code for "I'm a stupid huge white man, trying to fit in with you very cool gorgeous people."
To be honest, it's probably not working. I think they know I'm from out of town. Not sure what gave it away. Could be the way I stare stupidly at their money as I try to figure out what I'm handing over every time I buy something, or it could have been my tireless and completely pointless quest to find some skim milk; they found this most amusing. Somehow I don't think skim milk is near the top of most Fijian shopping lists. Or personal development books.
Big dumb white man.
I was at the beach just before (which is about fifty feet from my room) and Greenpeace showed up to try to roll me back into the water. It was kind of embarrassing but at least it brought some much-needed attention to a good cause. Heavy sigh.
However....
While they seem to have nailed the hospitality and the friendliness things, there are one or two areas which could probably do with just a little tweaking. Not that I'd tell them - some of the lads are quite large. Let's just say that an advanced driver training course probably wouldn't go astray for some of the local taxi drivers. And while we're on the transport thing, those thirty year-old Toyota taxis with more miles on them than the space shuttle don't really enhance the 'overall driving experience' either. On the way from the airport to my hotel, I felt like I was an extra in Die Hard 8 and a very old Bruce Willis was my driver. Hopefully I can collect my fingernails from his dashboard on the return journey.
Blokes in Frocks.
It may also take me a while to get my head around the notion of big muscular blokes wearing skirts. The guy who showed me to my room when I arrived at the hotel was six-three (187cm) easy, probably tipped the scales at a muscular 220lbs (100kgs) and was wearing a tan (is that a colour?) skirt. Gotta say I had no urge to let him know that in my country only the girls wear skirts. No urge at all. Especially as I'm not really sure how the health care thing works while I'm overseas.
Seriously though, if I could frock up and look that cool, I would be known as Skirt-Boy from this day forth. Probably ain't gonna happen though. Maybe I could start 'skirting' around the house and build myself up to a public debut over time. Or not.
Anyway, enough about my cross-dressing debut (it must be the tropical heat) I best go and do what I came here to do. I'm up in fifteen minutes.
"Hey Joseph, can I borrow that skirt of yours for an hour or so?" "Joseph... where are you going?" "Jo?"
*Let us know your thoughts on this silly post by clicking on the comment thingy below. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
* Tomorrow I will be tackling a subject which is relevant to all of us; fear. For many of us, it means the difference between where we are and where we want to be, happiness and misery, success and failure and growth or stagnation. See you on the morrow.
Take a look at our fourth book review by Tami Brinkley here. Feel free to comment on the reviewed book, to encourage our reviewer, or to just say hi and add your thoughts.
By the time you Crazy Kids read this I will be in sunny Fiji doing a gig for a company called Financial Lifestyle Solutions. Sure it's a tough assignment, but hey, someone's gotta do it. Yep, the life of a professional speaker is not an easy one. Oh, the pressure. It's a good thing I'm resilient. An international trip to a tropical island to give a forty five minute presentation; now that's a job. Anyway, I'll be thinking of you all while I am sitting by the pool working my ass off and pushing myself to the limit.
On with today's post....
Ever noticed how deep, philosophical, honest and real we get when we're faced with disaster, tragedy and/or catastrophe? How all of a sudden we seem to have absolute clarity and certainty about what's important and what's not? What needs to be done and what needs to be said? Where once we struggled to find the words, now the words flow? Where once we struggled to hug or touch, now we can't let go?
The few times in my life when I have been around tragedy have taught me great lessons. Lessons about what matters the most. Lessons about human spirit, courage and love. Lessons about honesty, humility and selflessness. And amazing, life-changing lessons about genuine communication. People are never more honest, open, direct or real than when they are dying, or someone close to them is dying. All the ego, issues, barriers and bullshit disappears.
All that's left is love.
What a pity so many of us wait for so long to tell certain people what they mean to us. Watching one of my best friends die taught me one of my most significant life lessons. That's irony isn't it? All of a sudden the thirty year-old alpha-male (me) with all the issues didn't care what he looked like or sounded like. My stupid ego took a hike. Finally. As I sat next to my dying friend who was on life-support, I had an incredible and instant awareness of what was important and what wasn't. What mattered. I hugged him, kissed his forehead, watched him, held his arm, talked to him and cried like a baby with his family. And for maybe the first time, I totally didn't care what anyone thought about my behaviour or what I looked like. Mr. Self-Control let go and it was liberating and enlightening. Necessary even.
Letting go...
As a younger man, the experience taught me that I had invested too much time, effort and energy into things which ultimately, really didn't matter to me; the superficial, the temporary and the pursuit of the material. Somehow, I had made un-important things important. Instead of being largely about the 'physical' (I did own a gym remember), I began to work consciously at developing the psychological, the emotional and the spiritual me. To learn more about myself. I started to think and communicate differently. I stopped worrying about, and focusing on, the small stuff. It changed me forever. I started to like me more. Of course it's not up to me to define what should and shouldn't be important for anyone other than me, but sometimes I think it's a good idea for us all to take stock of our lives to see whether or not we live a life which is reflective of our core values. When questioned about their core values (what's most important to them), most people will talk about family, friends and health as being absolutely integral to happiness and fulfillment in the long term, but when we take an honest look at how many of those same people live their lives, there appears to be a big gap between their core values and how they actually live.
If a television crew followed you around for six months and filmed your life without you knowing it, what would we 'viewers' of your life conclude was really important to you?
So...
What is important to you? Who is important to you? When did you last tell them? What are you gonna do about it?
If you would like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
Take a look at our third book review by Dee Britton here. Feel free to comment on the reviewed book, to encourage our reviewer, or to just say hi and add your thoughts.
Yesterday I was asked how I stay 'up' all the time; what my 'secret' to staying focused, motivated, positive and productive is. As I began to launch into some mind-numbing monologue of an answer, I stopped myself mid sentence. I told her (hello Grace) that I would answer her question in a brief (no really, I can do it) post today. So here it is; the pr'ecis version of how I personally stay 'up' most of the time.
1. I hang out with like-minded people who energize me and I avoid the energy vampires. 2. I learn from, and get inspired by, successful people. 3. I ask myself the right kind of questions - the "what can I learn from this experience" questions, rather than the "why does this happen to me" questions. 4. I regularly get excited about possibilities - sometimes too excited!
5. I don't focus on negatives - I invest my emotional energy where it will give me the best return.
6. I change the stuff I can and I let go of the stuff I have no control over.
7. I am constantly setting goals. Big and small. 8. I dedicate time every day to 'switching off' and having fun for fun's sake. Strategic silliness. 9. I express myself creatively. It makes me happy.
10. I let myself dream. Sometimes my mind keeps me awake all night!
11. I invest time into others. People who are completely self-focused tend to have more downs than ups.
12. Whatever most people my age do, I try and avoid.
13. I regularly take stock of my life and consciously appreciate everything in it and about it. I am always acutely aware that my life is great and that I am blessed to be where I am.
14. I set high standards for myself. I want to be exceptional and do exceptional things, and I will. Not because I'm particularly talented, but because I am prepared to work harder than most. I love to explore and push the boundaries of my potential.
15. I love swimming against the tide. I love doing what most people don't or won't. I love being unconventional and throwing 'logic' out the window (now and then). Sometimes logic is a synonym for fear and ignorance.
16. I look after myself physically. I don't smoke, drink or use drugs and I never have. Ever. Being physically fit and healthy, helps me stay focused on a mental, emotional and creative level. It's very hard to be 'up' when you're physically unwell.
17. My self-talk is positive. I don't beat myself up. I don't feel sorry for myself and I don't indulge in 'pity parties'.
18. I get great feedback and support from lots of amazing people - like you. Thanks.
19. I keep stimulated and challenged by doing lots of different stuff! I thrive on variety and change - private coaching, corporate speaking, professional writing, TV, radio, blogging, business coaching and every so often, I make an appearance at my gyms. If I had to do the same thing day in, day out, I would be in trouble. I have made a career out of my passion. I get paid to do what I love.
20. I spend quiet time alone recharging my batteries. No phone, no internet, no TV, no people, no noise, no distractions. I connect with the fat eight year-old for a while and see what he has to tell me. Sometimes the only person we don't listen to is ourselves.
See, that was short and sweet. I knew I could do it.
Share your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy. Lurkers - you too! If you would like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber. Enjoy your day.
The one thing we all have in common (frequenters of this site anyway) is our desire to improve ourselves in some way; the drive to create a better version of us. That's why we're here. Could be to change our relationships, our financial status, our skill level, our knowledge base, our health, our attitude, our crappy habits or our life (in general terms) for the better. Whatever 'better' means to each of us personally.
At a glance, we would be forgiven for thinking that whether or not an individual will or won't achieve that goal (of creating a new-and-improved version of him/herself) would be dependant on things like:
1. Whether or not they have the potential for real change?
2. Whether or not they have adequate knowledge and access to relevant information? 3. Whether or not they have the resources to do what needs to be done? 4. Whether or not they have access to teachers, mentors and role models? 5. Whether or not they are motivated and focused enough?
And while all of these questions need to be asked and will invariably play some role in the eventual outcome, the most important question that needs to be asked of every person who is serious about creating their best life is...
"Are you teachable?"
Will you actually learn? Learning - not to be confused with being exposed to information. Some people have been exposed to quality information for a long time but have never really learned anything. Learning in a personal development sense, should typically result in positive change somewhere along the line. Some people hear and read lots but don't seem to put any of it into practice. You know what I mean, we've all done it. Having a theoretical understanding of an idea or concept doesn't necessarily mean we've learned anything; the real learning comes with practical application of the theory. Note that I'm not talking about the traditional notion of academic learning here (what is the capital of Australia for instance), no, I'm talking about learning in relation to behavioural change.
Positive change is simply the consequence of learning.
Sure some people might tick every box when it comes to those five questions (above), but at the same time, if they are not teachable (and many aren't), it doesn't matter how much potential they have, how high they might score on an IQ test, or how much support or encouragement they have, they won't change. They won't learn.
Teachability.
For a range of different reasons, some people lack teachability - not because they can't learn, just because they won't. I have met many talented, intelligent people who are chronic under-achievers because they will not be taught. Something always gets in the way, and it's usually wrapped up in their mindset; their attitude, their stinking thinking and their history. They are often stubborn and fearful, they have non-negotiable (destructive) attitudes and beliefs, they are periodically arrogant and self-righteous, and they are often resentful of anyone who has different beliefs and/or ideas to them.
They claim to be all about learning, but in truth, they are only about learning as long as they are not challenged, confronted or questioned about their current thinking, beliefs and behaviours. If anyone questions them (as I often do with people), they feel violated, criticised and attacked; they switch to 'defensive mode'. Even when I say to someone "I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm saying let's explore other possibilities and consider another perspective", I'm met with a brick wall - and these are people who have paid to be mentored!
"You can coach me, but only if you tell me what I wanna hear."
'Cause that's gonna work. Not. The truth is that some alleged 'seekers of the truth' and self-improvement types are closed books when it comes to certain subject matter. Completely un-teachable. They won't consider, or open themselves up to, anything that makes them feel uncomfortable or puts into question a long-held belief, attitude or behaviour. One of the biggest challenges for us in our journey to explore and develop our full potential is to be able to free our mind of the crap that crippled and confined us for so long; to truly open our mind and our spirit to new and different thoughts, ideas, and realities. It's kind of exhausting being a slave to fear, habits and tradition isn't it? Just because we've believed or done something for fifty years doesn't mean it's true or right. It just means we've believed it or done it for a long time. What if your truth and your reality is what actually stops you from learning, growing and fulfilling your potential?
The Irony.
The irony being that while new and different is often where the most growth comes, it's also what terrifies us the most. We don't want to consider that we may have been wrong for the last ten (fifty) years. We don't want to consider that maybe it's US who needs to change - completely. What if it's not about the other person, situation, circumstance or the event? What if it's about me? Talk to a committed Mormon, Christian, Muslim, Jew and Buddhist. I have and guess what?
They all know that they are right.
And everyone else is misguided. Well-meaning but misguided. Apparently. That's a little scary huh? Are they open to discussion or other possibilities? Nope. Sometimes people want to believe in something so much (be it a religion, a partner, a government, a political system, a revered leader), that they will actually shut themselves down to the possibility of any 'other' truth. Most of us get told what to believe as we grow up and that becomes our absolute reality. The result is an adult with a set of non-negotiable beliefs. A closed mind. This leads to intolerance, ignorance, judgment (ironic isn't it?), arrogance, conflict and a bunch of stuff that I really don't want to explore right now.
Getting out of my own way.
Many times in my life, even in the last few years, I have had to take stock of my own beliefs, my own standards, my own 'Craig rules'. I have had to work hard to step out of my self-limiting beliefs, my history, my personal fears, my programming, my ignorance and arrogance and become more teachable. And as long as I was a slave to my rigid, non-negotiable thinking and my insecurities, I was virtually un-teachable because I would only listen to, and act upon, what I was comfortable with, or what was consistent with my current beliefs and thinking.
So, how do we become more teachable?
1. We need to have the mindset and heart of a student. We need to be open to learning new things, no matter how old or 'smart' we are. Always willing to be taught. Excited to learn. Still discerning, still exercising wisdom and common sense of course, but open to what the day and everything and everyone in that day might have to teach us. Every experience is a new opportunity to learn if we make it that, or it can be 'just another day'. It's a choice.
2. We need to lose the superiority complex. The moment we stop needing to be right, is the moment we open the door to learning. Ego gets in the way of teachability. So too does pride and arrogance. The humble student is the quickest learner.
3. We must find that genuine burning desire to be a good student. We must be prepared to do what it takes to be completely teachable. This takes guts and discipline. Some people in your life may not want you to learn, not want you to be exposed to different ideas and philosophies. This is a strange phenomenon but it's absolutely real. People are scared and critical of what they don't know or understand. Just take a look at our world.
4. We must not look for the easy way but for the effective way. Our lazy, quick-fix culture is all about shortcuts but the process is where we learn. When there's no journey, there's no learning. That's why most people who win a million dollars end up broke because they have never learned how to create wealth or manage money. It's in the process, that we develop the skills, the knowledge and the understanding.
5. We need to un-learn, before we can learn. As long as we are bound to certain destructive, self-limiting beliefs, attitudes, fears and habits, we will be unable to be taught.
* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy below. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
Take a look at our second book review by Sue Nyoni here. Feel free to comment on the reviewed book, to encourage our reviewer, or to just say hi and add your thoughts.
If you're feeling a little precious or fragile then you may want to put on your crash helmet before you read today's post, or maybe even come back tomorrow. You've been warned.
Dear People Pleaser,
Hi. It's your loving alter ego here; the antithesis of your very accommodating self. Your polar opposite. The one who's happy to offend, speak the truth and step on a multitude of toes. So how are you? Actually, don't answer that. I already know; frustrated, sad, lonely, unfulfilled and at times anxious and confused. That's why I'm here. I know I scare you a little, but too bad. I'm the only one who really understands you and knows what's going on.
Anyway, I've been watching you and that big dumb, rude, ignorant, arrogant, self-indulgent, self-righteous, sexist, lazy-ass husband of yours for quite a while now (wow, that feels better) and I gotta tell you, he's definitely got the better side of the whole marriage deal. I know that I'm the unwelcome, black sheep of the relationship and he doesn't enjoy my company but seriously, you and I need to talk. I know I make you uncomfortable and a little nervous but it's only because you know I'm speaking the truth. You ignore me at your own peril.
I've also been watching you at work with your colleagues and socially with your friends. What is it with you and the 'keeping-everyone-happy' thing? That's gotta be kind of exhausting and humiliating yeah? Don't you get a little tired of trying to be the uber pleaser? It's probably a good thing that you don't let me out because sometimes when your boss speaks to you that way (you know the way) I wanna staple his eyelids to his forehead. And then hurt him a bit more. And as for your 'girlfriends' who are always telling you what to do, when to do it and how to do it, could I please have ten minutes alone with them? I'll be gentle. Mostly.
I know that you like being nice and we all know that it's nice to be nice, but honestly you may wanna back off a little; you've pretty much nailed the nice-ness thing. It's kinda tragic and at times, disturbing. For me, who's the hidden part of you, it kills me to see you compromising yourself every day. Or is it our self? Hmm. Sometimes 'nice' is stupid. Sometimes 'nice' is destructive. I understand how important it is for you to be liked, loved and accepted but the irony is that in trying to be everything for everybody, you seem to be losing you. That young hopeful, excited, independent woman I grew up with has disappeared and it makes me a little sad.
I understand that you don't want to make waves, step on toes, hurt feelings, bother anyone, get in the way or cause trouble, but you have to understand that some people will get grumpy, bothered and upset no matter what because that's just what they do. Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you try or what you do because it's not about you, it's about them.
However, you do contribute to the problem.
People walk all over you because you've been walking around for about twenty years with a big sign on your head that says 'doormat'. They treat you badly because you let them. Maybe people like you but they certainly don't respect you. They see you as weak and someone who can be controlled. I hate this. It hurts me to see them do that to you. By not having a voice or an opinion, by not standing up for yourself, you are inadvertently telling people "it's okay for you to treat me badly". And to be honest, I'm kinda sick of it. I know you are too because I see the tears when nobody is around. I know what you think and feel and I know that you pretend it's all okay. Well listen up girly...
It's NOT okay!!
Stop making excuses for people's bad behaviour and stop living a life of compromise. Sometimes people don't need more understanding or tolerance, sometimes they need an ass-kicking... and if I have my way, I will be kicking some asses soon.
It's time you shared some of those thoughts and feelings. You know the ones; the ones you have every day of your life. The ones you try to ignore; the ones where you feel under-valued, unappreciated, unfulfilled, frustrated and abused. And maybe sometimes you should get a little crazy and say "no" to someone (I'll help). Go on, I dare ya! You may find it liberating. Perhaps you should look after you for a change. There's an idea.
I'm not saying be selfish or inconsiderate, I'm saying look after you. Simple.
Being the poster girl for compliance is great for everyone around you, not so good for you. It's gonna kill you. Maybe not literally, but emotionally, psychologically and creatively, you will continue to die a little bit more each day. You know that. You've known it for a long time.
As I said, it's nice to be nice (to a point) but maybe now and then, instead of trying to be so nice, you should try being you; the real you. Not the actress desperately trying to keep everyone happy at the expense of your own happiness. You might like the real you. You might learn a little about yourself. You might surprise yourself to learn how strong you are and what you can achieve when you deal with your fears head on.
Imagine living your own fulfilling, amazing life, learning, developing and achieving as a gifted person in your own right, rather than being a personal slave and under-appreciated accessory for your husband. Just a thought. Marriage is meant to be a loving partnership, not a dictatorship. Maybe you should point that out to Mr. Potato Head. (Sorry, I know you love him but he annoys me). Imagine actually telling your boss what you think. Or better still, imagine having no boss because you have your own business; the one you've dreamt about for twenty years.
You know that you're actually kinda smart and talented right? Well maybe you should do something about that. I remember when you were a little girl you wanted to be a writer, singer, dancer and performer and a million other things. You had so many ideas and dreams, so much hope and ambition; now your only goal is to survive each day and to not make waves. I am going to help you find that little girl again.
Tell Mr. Potato Head I'll be over for dinner.
* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy and sharing from your own experiences or thoughts. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
* Book review no. 2 (by Sue Nyoni) will be posted over the weekend.
When I was young and silly (last Tuesday) I had a bad habit of trying to keep fifty balls in the air at the same time; a dangerous practice for a man with the motor-skills of a new-born foal. I was always trying to do way too many things at once. Probably too much ego, excitement and enthusiasm and not enough logic or planning. Juggling ain't really my thing. Clearly I'm not a circus performer or Superman, and invariably my attempts to do a whole bunch of things at the same time would result in me doing nothing particularly well. Instead of doing one or two things well, I would end up doing ten things badly. This of course, resulted in frustration, poor results, loss of motivation, disappointment, wasted time and often, a loss of confidence and momentum for me. Sound familiar?
Many of us have so many things that we want to do / achieve / create that we never seem to get focused about any one thing for very long and therefore never really make significant progress or see the changes we want. Before we know it, we're five years older, we're still going around in circles, we're no closer to turning our dreams into reality, and we've dug a hole for ourselves that we can't seem to get out of.
Recently I facilitated a mentoring session with a lady; a new client. She told me about her history and her current life and then we spoke about her dreams and goals for the next five years; what her future life might look like. When I asked her what she wanted to achieve specifically over the next five years she delivered a fifteen minute monologue. "Wow, she has reaaaaaally been thinking about this for a long time", I thought. I went and bought myself some cheesecake, had four coffees, started a new company, made eight phone calls and when I came back she was still going! Well almost. She wants to create and run her own business, undertake and complete a university degree, write a book, travel extensively, compete in a body-shaping competition, do some volunteer work with an international charity, design and launch a range of clothes and become a successful corporate speaker. And that's the abbreviated list. All good goals (if that kinda stuff floats yer boat).
The Problem.
The problem is that she has had these goals (or similar) for the last five years and she's achieved none of them. Not because she doesn't have the ability, but because she has never totally committed herself to any one of those goals; too many balls in the air. Great at starting, crap at finishing. "Something always gets in the way", she told me. "Yep, you and your terrible I-can-do-it-all strategy get in the way", I replied. She always has ten fingers in twenty six pies an as a result, typically achieves not much. Surviving and coping, rather than thriving and creating.
The truth is that we don't complete (or even start) things for all kinds of reasons; procrastination, ignorance, fear, practical issues, poor organisational skills and a bunch more. But far too often, we don't achieve our goals because:
1. We simply don't prioritise - We don't put certain things on hold even though we should because that's what makes the most sense for now. We simply try and do too many things at once. We are unrealistic in our approach. We don't use our time, resources or skills optimally. We work hard not smart. We are very busy achieving not much. We are emotional and reactive, rather than methodical and strategic.
2. We don't totally commit. To succeed at any endeavour we need to totally buy into it; emotionally, psychologically, financially (perhaps) and practically. Half-assed effort equals half-assed results. I see it all the time - people who want amazing results with minimal effort; without doing the work. They are 'sorta, kinda serious' and they hope it will all work out. Things don't work themselves out. You build your best life or you have it shaped for you by situations, circumstances, environments, events and other people - it's a choice. You can continue to be a professional spectator and pathetically hope things will magically work out, or you can get in the game and start scoring yourself. 3. We don't get focused. We have the attention span of a two year-old. We change our mind every five minutes and we get distracted easily. Every week we're gonna do, and be, something different. We need single-minded, unwavering determination and focus, not occasional bursts of enthusiasm. If you're not totally sure about something, don't start it.
4. We constantly doubt ourselves - and we look for others to tell us it will all be okay. Sometimes we are insecure children in grown-up bodies. We feel like fakes and frauds. Join the club; you're not Robinson Crusoe. We've all got issues, doubts and fears. At some stage, everyone feels like they are not good enough, smart enough, talented enough, attractive enough, qualified enough or credible enough to do whatever it is they want to do. Get over it. I'm not a psychologist, a philosopher or a theologian but I spend much of my professional life talking about the psychological, the philosophical and the spiritual. Why? Because it's very relevant to my job and because I don't need any particular qualification to share an idea, a thought, or an opinion and that's what I do. Wanna hear something interesting? I have mentored and coached many psychologists because on some level they like and connect with my unorthodox, praca-demic approach. Alright, are you listening? YOU'RE OKAY! You don't need anyone's permission or approval. You are good enough. You will learn and when you land on your ass - get up! Stop finding reasons to do nothing, reasons to wait. Stop letting fear make your decisions for you. There, you've been told.
Remember that once upon a time Michael Jordon had never thrown a basket, J.K. Rowling was an unknown, wanna-be writer, U2 were a bunch of anonymous musicians and Benny Hinn didn't own a white suit!!
5. We suffer from chronic analysis paralysis - we think and talk too much and do too little. Always analysing and planning, never actually doing. Planning is good but not when it's all we do. Do something today (anything!!) to get you closer. To ignite that spark. To get those wheels turning and to create some momentum.
So, what to do then? Well, if you have a history of too many balls in the air for way too little results, then here's what I suggest...
Prioritise RIGHT NOW. Not tomorrow, not next Tuesday, not when it's convenient, now (okay, after you finish reading this). Get clarity and certainty about what you want most and where and how you should invest your time and energy in the short to medium term (now). Put certain things on the back burner because that's the smartest thing to do for right now. Sometimes we need to be prepared to let go of some things in order to move forward with others. Don't let this freak you out. Commit to doing one or two things exceptionally well and get busy, focused and productive. Be less of a dreamer and more of a doer. Dreamers dream while doers are out there getting shit done. And please stop waiting for some cosmic sign or some kind of approval from someone else. You don't need it; you are good enough.
* Let me know your thoughts and how you go. Just click on the comment thingy... even you chronic lurkers. If you would like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.
As promised, on most of the days that I don't publish an article (like today) we will be featuring a book review by one of our team of reviewers. All of the books reviewed will contain some kind of personal development value and they will range in style from the hard-core-change-your-life manual, through to the thought-provoking, feel good (or not so good) biography or parable. Keep in mind that our reviewers are not professional writers or reviewers but rather, a group of eight women who have decided to stretch themselves creatively, to develop their writing skills (further) and to step into a very public arena. This takes real guts, so congratulations girls.
Take a look at our first book review by Kris Rollag here. And feel free to comment on the reviewed book, to encourage our reviewer, or to just say hi and add your thoughts.
Just a quick update on our book review thingy before we get started with today's post. As you may or may not know, we have started a book club (of sorts) here on medotcom and last week I asked for people to apply for the 'position' of being one of my highly unpaid book reviewers (enticing I know). To my absolute amazement, we ended up receiving over 50 email 'applications' from a bunch of very enthusiastic book worms and would-be reviewers. Some might say, weirdos. Love you weirdos. Even more surprising was the overwhelming percentage of applications that we got from men. We got... zero. Zero blokes!!
What's that about?
I expected way more girls than guys but... none!! Seriously. Maybe we need a section on the site where we review power tools, things that go fast and stuff that can blow other stuff up? Anyway a BIG thankyou to everyone who sent in an email and offered their help. Johnnie and I genuinely appreciate you taking the time and making the effort to write. I wish we could have fifty reviewers but it may get a little messy. To make it fair we simply took the first eight applicants, otherwise it could have turned into a logistical nightmare for us.
Our book reviewers for 2008 are: Sue Nyoni (New Jersey), Kris Rollag (USA), Tami Brinkley (Alabama), Dee Briton (Melbourne), Terri-Anne Harris (Melbourne), Jo Deeker (Melbourne ), Dianne Davidson (Ontario, Canada), Victoria May (Melbourne ). Thankyou so much ladies for joining our team, I'm excited to be working with you and learning from you. We will have a brief bio and photo of each reviewer up in the next week or two, so you can 'meet' our team. We will have two book reviews per week and our first two reviews (from Sue and Kristy) will be up this week some time.
Anyway... on with today's post:Teaching the Old Dog New Tricks.
Recently I was at a social function talking to a couple who are in their fifties and they were discussing the need for some significant change in their lives, specifically, weight loss (they initiated the conversation and had sought my advice). Both being over-weight, unfit and unhealthy, it should have come as no major revelation when I shared the 'obvious you-need-to-change-your-life-right-now' message with them. However, neither of them looked too excited or confident about any of my suggestions for them. No wonder, with crazy outdated notions such as regular exercise and less calories being thrown about - I'm so wacky. At one point the alpha-male-warrior husband opened his mouth to share some age-old wisdom...
"Yeah but you can't teach an old dog new tricks Craig"
... was his philosophical offering (you know that when people start a sentence with "yeah but", that there's an excuse on the way). "What a load of self-limiting, convenient, stupid psychology" was my slightly-less-than-philosophical response (so unusual for me). "Old dogs can learn new tricks but not when the old dog has a crappy attitude", I shared. He wasn't so happy.
What followed was ten minutes of less-than-productive conversation with me offering advice and them telling me why that advice was probably: 1. Not realistic for them (apparently they can watch TV for three hours a day but they can't exercise for thirty minutes) 2. Not practical with their commitments and current lifestyle (code for we can't be stuffed and we love eating junk and drinking alcohol) 3. Great for them if they were both ten years younger (when in fact they probably need to follow my advice now more than ever).
The magic pill.
The truth is that they didn't really want to change their behaviours or habits, they wanted a magic pill. They wanted the results without the work. The woman even asked me what I thought of fat-metaboliser pills. When I said "crap", she was disappointed. "But surely they can't hurt?" she enquired. "Neither can moving your body more and putting less calories in it". We kept coming back to the 'age' issue and that seemed to be their escape clause. I told them that their age wasn't the problem, their thinking was.
Always making friends.
I get so excited when I see older people get serious about self-improvement because some of the most amazing results I have seen have been achieved by people fifty and beyond. Sometimes, way beyond. When they shift their focus from their 'age' to developing their potential and creating their best life, then they usually ask me something like "what could I have done if I had this mind set thirty years ago?" If you are an old dog (so to speak) or you know one, you may want to consider these thoughts or pass them on...
1. Old dogs absolutely can learn new tricks but they need to be willing students. They need to move beyond their old-fart, self-limiting thinking and destructive habits and open their mind to a world of new possibilities. Success is not age-related, it's attitude-related.
2. The biggest hurdle for old dogs is not their body, their ability or their potential, it's the mental and emotional barriers and 'rules' they have created for themselves. "Don't be stupid, I'm too old for that."
3. Most old dogs base their expectations (and beliefs about what is possible) for the future on their past, when in reality what they've done (or not done) to this point in time is usually no indication of what they can achieve (in terms of absolute potential). Past only equals future when we choose to make that our reality. Just because you haven't done something before (run a marathon, lifted weights, been to college, written a book, started a business, been overseas) doesn't mean you can't do it, it just means you haven't done it yet.
4.Bodies and minds have the ability to learn, grow, adapt, improve and change at any age, but too many of us get to the point where we start to deteriorate (physically and mentally), not because we're old, but simply because we stop using our brain and our body the way they should be stimulated. Aging (as we observe it in many people) is more often about lifestyle choices than it is about advancing years. That's why we see young eighty year-olds and old fifty year-olds.
5.Your mind might know how old you are (chronologically) but your body doesn't. We can lower our biological age drastically (which translates to improvements in strength, aerobic fitness, power, flexibility, overall health, energy levels and emotional health) by simply using what we've got and not acting 'old'.
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Just got back from a run. As in three minutes ago. I'm sitting here with sweat pouring off me as I try desperately not to electrocute myself whilst typing. Stunt blogging; a new sport. See the risks I take for you? Since Christmas I've dropped 5.5kgs (12bs) via changes to my diet and a little more cardio. 2007 saw me pretty much living in the weight room as far as my training was concerned and sneak my way up to 100kgs (220lbs) just before Christmas. I had a bunch of extra muscle (compared to 2006) but also a little more fat than I wanted. The muscle - good, the fat - not so good. I'm sure there's a correlation between time spent blogging and the size of my waist.
It's official; blogging makes you fat.
That's my story. So the day I saw the big one-zero-zero make an appearance on the scales was the day I said to myself, "Hey Australia's soon-to-be fattest fitness expert, time to put the brakes on this bad boy before it ends up a train wreck. Not sure how credible you'll be when they have to roll you on stage for your next speaking gig."
Okay, I wasn't that fat but I didn't feel fantastic, so I decided to drop a few pounds. Depending on how much weight-training I'm doing and how much muscle I have at the time, I can weigh anywhere from 80kgs (176lbs) to 100kgs (220lbs) and be in reasonably good shape. Generally I feel my best at around 90kgs (198lbs) - strong enough and aerobically fit enough. When I wrote Fattitude I weighed about 80kgs but I was running my ass off and probably a little on the skinny side (for me).
The Suburban Yeti
It lives.
So on December 26 I dragged my rather large and sorry self out of the weight room, away from my much-loved dumbbell rack and around the burbs for possibly, one of the ugliest sporting performances of all time - my jogging comeback. Kind of like an injured Yeti with sneakers on. Not quite as pretty or as fit though. Don't know why I assumed that a Yeti would be fit. Probably all that snow training. Anyway, I'm sure I traumatized passers-by. I traumatized myself! People looked at me with pity. They had that whole "oh well, at least he's trying" look on their face as I lumped my considerable mass passed them. I felt like I was trying to run whilst breathing through a straw. A very small straw - there just didn't seem to be enough O2 in the air.
While I have a few familiar running courses around my area, I have one 5km (3mile) trek that I've been running the most lately. It was the one I ran on day 1 (Dec. 26), so I consider it to be a good gauge for my progress. That first outing felt like I was running in quicksand with a Hyundai on my back.
So this is how I've progressed over the last 5 (and a bit) weeks.
Week 1: 5km run time - 28:54 (sadly), weight 100kg (sadly), RPE - 10, RT - 9 minutes
Week 3: 5km run time - 26:41, weight 97.2kg, RPE - 8, RT - 5 minutes
Week 5: 5km run time - 23:58, weight, 95.2kg, RPE - 7, RT - 4 mins 15 secs
Today: (in 6th week) 5km run time - 23:02, weight 94.4kg, RPE - 6, RT - 3 minutes
*All a bit tragic when you consider my best 5km time of 17-ish minutes (a lifetime ago)!
Note: RPE - Is a standard measure used in exercise science. It stands for Rate of Perceived Exertion - how hard you feel you're working. I am using a simple 1 to 10 scale, with 10 being the hardest.
RT - Stands for Recovery Time and is the amount of time it took for my breathing and my heart rate to return to normal (66 bpm) and for me to feel relatively normal.
So the good news (there is some) is that today I sit here in my current sweaty state, considerably lighter and leaner, noticeably fitter, lower resting heart rate, drastically improved recovery, much better energy levels and with an overall feeling of wellness that I haven't enjoyed for quite a while. Interestingly, my strength is the same in the gym and I seem to have lost very little muscle. All good things.
So what's the point of this monologue about the state of my body?
Well, it's certainly not to tell you what an awesome athlete I am and what a freaky body I have, because clearly I'm not and I don't! No, today I want to emphasize once again how amazing this organism that we call the human body really is. Yes, I'm talking about your body too. All we need to do is stimulate it the right way (consistently, not for three days) and it will change. Drastically if need be. Our body is an incredible, complex and capable machine which is constantly responding and adapting to an enormous range of stimuli every second of every day. Weight loss (or gain) is a simple example of our body adapting to a new or slightly different stimulus. Improvements in fitness, strength and flexibility are simply positive responses to stress (exercise of course being a form of stress).
If I can take an endomorphic (genetically pre-disposed to higher body-fat levels) male body in it's forties, pull it away from the weight room and the computer for a while, put it in some running shoes occasionally, decrease it's cheesecake intake and see some significant physiological change in a relatively short period of time, then anyone can start to realise how adaptable the human body is - irrespective of age, sex, genetic disposition, previous experiences or exercise history. I have worked with people in their eighties who have created truly amazing results, so don't you start talking yourself into failure. Force yourself to find a way to achieve, rather than a reason to give up (or not even start).
If only our mind wouldn't get in the way, we could do some amazing stuff!
It's true; for too many people their mind gets in the way of (what's possible for) their body. For many morbidly obese people their fat, unhealthy body is a symptom of their fat, unhealthy mind (attitude, thinking, beliefs, excuses, fears, choices, addictions) and when we fix the head stuff, then invariably we see the body change - you know that. When the thinking changes, the behaviours change, the habits change and the body changes.
I know that I repeat this message often but it just isn't preached in the wider community and the majority of people still don't get that the most powerful tool we have (for losing weight or improving health in general) is the mind (suprisingly, it's not the fat-blaster 7000). Most health and fitness professionals still waste their time focusing entirely on the body. Until they realise that (very) often the external reality (a person's physical condition) is merely a consequence of the internal reality, then they will continue to bark up the wrong tree. Woof, woof my learned friends.
Today's take-home messages?
1. If the Endomorphic Suburban Yeti can shape up, so can you. 2. Our mind needs to get in shape just as much as our body (we need to train it too). 3. Systematic, logical, consistent, progressive training works (short-term, emotional bursts of exercise don't). 4. Anyone, even the experts (I use that term cautiously) can get out of shape - 'cause it ain't about knowledge, it's about what we do with it. 5. It's possible to create significant results in a relatively short period of time when we give our body what it needs (every day), rather than our head what it wants.
Anyway, I'll keep you updated and let you know when my six-pack arrives (it's due Tuesday week).
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One of the potential dangers of being a personal development writer and speaker (or anyone who is a personal development junkie for that matter) is that we can run the risk of becoming overly-intense, one-dimensional, predictable, self-righteous, boring, improve-a-holics, who don't know when or how to have fun and won't do anything unless it's economically sound, completely sensible and we have a viable, logical ten-point plan to make it all happen. You think I'm exaggerating? You should meet some of the people I meet. Boring!
For those of you who don't know, I have one other minor addiction. Yep, other than my well-documented penchant for baked cheesecake, I have a small motorbike issue. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know watcha thinkin' - how can someone so grounded, logical, philosophical and educated be so stupid? My parents have been asking that question for twenty five years. Sure, it's a little illogical, irrational, potentially dangerous, unsafe and irresponsible, but seriously, how much fun are motorbikes? Plenty. Have some fun, just because you can.
Now and then it's good for us grown-ups to step out of our very serious, analytical, mature, responsible headspace and simply have some fun. For no other reason than the enjoyment it brings. Fun like kids have. Remember that? Especially some of us goal-driven, high-achiever types. In truth, some high-achievers are miserable, boring, intense, pains-in-the-ass. But then again, are you really a high-achiever if you're not happy (Hmmm)? They're so busy building their empire and 'achieving' that they miss out on the day-to-day joy and fun of life. It's great to be focused and passionate about building our best life (I am, you are), but if, in the building of that best life there's not some regular fun, laughing and occasional silliness, then we're missing the point and following the wrong plan. We plan for the future (of course) but we live in the now. And if the now is constantly devoid of fun, we're doing something wrong.
We need to off-set the work with some play.
I make no apologies for my motorbike thing. In fact, they are an integral part of my stress-management program. Oh alright, they are my stress-management program! No phone, no computer, no knocks on the door and no problems to solve, just white-knuckle, endorphin-inducing acceleration (up to the speed limit of course) and that mind-numbing growl of one hundred and eighty horses beneath me desperately trying to throw me off the back. Aaaah the joy of it all. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy just thinking about it. Clearly not everybody's idea of fun, but works for me.
Too much 'sensible'.
I already spend far too much of my life being sensible. Sometimes I'm so sensible and responsible that I even drive myself nuts. I find me annoying! Take a chill-pill Captain Serious. Some days I don't wanna talk about five-year plans, the meaning of life, cultural change, global warming or caloric intakes, I wanna talk about the bloke I know who can drink chocolate milk through his nose and the chick I saw on TV who can play music with her hand under her sweaty armpit - now that makes me laugh. That's worth a chat! I so wanna meet that girl. I'm sorry for appalling you all but every now and then I need to be that silly fifteen year old boy I once was. We all do. Not in an irresponsible, reckless, destructive kinda way, no, more in a 'my-guts-are-killing-me-from-laughin-so-hard' and a 'stop-it-I-can't-breath'... kinda way.
Sorry girls, you're missing out.
While I totally acknowledge that you girls are superior in so many ways, one thing I love about us blokes is our inbuilt crap-talking ability. We can generate more inane, mindless, hilarious drivel (hilarious to us that is!) in one hour than you girls could manufacturer in a week. Sorry but we have it all over you there. And anyway, we know that it's not really a skill any of you desire. We men can sit at a table (as I do every day with the boys for lunch) and talk non-stop crap for hours. Completely unproductive, pointless and funny. And we're totally happy doing it. We don't wanna talk about relationships, we wanna talk about power tools, sport and farts. Simple creatures.
The health benefits of avoiding 'sensible'.
God gave us blokes that gift - to amuse ourselves with stupidity. It gives you women a rest from us. It's therapeutic for both genders. I laugh out loud every single time I have lunch with the boys. A lot. And guess what? Laughing produces a hormonal response which boosts our immune system. Laughing improves our health - for real!! There's an absolute correlation between joy, laughter, fun and better physical health. Just as much as there's a relationship between misery, anxiety, stress and disease - that's where the term dis-ease comes from. Forget all those tabs you're on, just come to lunch with me and the lads and laugh your ass off!
Turn your cap backwards and let your butt-crack show a little.
Sometimes I think that kids are so much smarter than us dumb adults. They are experts at finding ways to have fun (there's an idea grown-ups), while we are experts at finding new things to worry about. Kids all start out as optimists but us clever grown-ups train them to be pessimists (we use the term realist) by the time they're about fifteen. We suck the joy, optimism, creativity and fun out of them because we want to prepare them for the 'realities' of life. Lucky them. If only we all understood that responsible behaviour, intelligence and common sense don't need to be at the expense of joy, fun and occasional silliness.
If there's no fun, what's the point?
There's certainly something to be said for some regular fun but sadly, I meet far too many 'High-Achievers' and 'Personal Development Devotees' who are so busy achieving and climbing the ladder that they look like they've had their 'fun gene' surgically removed. "Don't bother me I'm in the zone, I'll smile in ten years when I'm rich." Last week I met with a wealthy, extremely busy, successful (that's debatable) entrepreneur who could easily be the poster boy for stress and misery. I looked at him and thought 'seriously, what's the point'?
Sure, we've gotta pay the bills, put food on the table and send our kids to school, but if the net result of you pursuing your goals is constant stress, anxiety, exhaustion and for the most part, misery, then Dude, come up with a plan B. One that incorporates some fun and joy.
Over the last few weeks I have felt the need to prescribe less structure, planning and goal setting and more fun with some of the people I've been mentoring. Lately I've met a bunch of people who are driven, focused, disciplined, well on their way to 'success'... but very, very serious about life. Too serious. It's great to be 'in the zone' with our goals and dreams but not if it's at the expense of fun. Success and fun don't need to be mutually exclusive. In fact, the most successful people laugh a lot. They know when and how to switch on and off. They understand (practically) the need for some random silliness and laughs. If you haven't learnt that fun is a choice, then learn.
Having fun isn't about situations, circumstances, events, luck or other people, it's about the attitude we take into every day. It's about finding the fun. It's about creating the fun.
Sure, I'm all about developing the philosophical, the spiritual, the emotional, the psychological and the physical me, and I'm all for consciously building my best life, but I am gonna make sure that from time to time my cap is on backwards and I'm sharing just a hint of butt-crack with the world.
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