Motivational Speaker: January 2008 Archive

Welcome to Craig's site.

Craig Harper is a leading motivational speaker and educator. He is a highly sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and professional development. Working with hundreds of teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations on numerous continents over the last twenty years has given Craig a unique insight into, and understanding of, human performance and all its variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire, challenge and make people laugh all at the same time!

Motivational Speaker

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Low Fat Meals that Aren't.

Well, the entertainer, the creative writer and the motivator are on holidays, so the educator bloke has turned up for work this morning. I might actually make you think today, so get ready.

I'm always being asked for my opinion on a range of products; books, supplements, programs, exercise equipment and lately for some strange reason, frozen low-fat meals. Now, you and I both know that many products aren't exactly what their companies make them out to be, especially when it comes to food products and supplements. Of course not, it's their job to sell as much stuff as possible and increase their bottom line, and it's your job to figure out exactly what you're buying and in this case, putting into your body. These companies don't care about your physical health, they care about their financial health - keeping their shareholders happy.

That's why we need a bullshit filter; to be able to sift through the marketing crap and uncover the absolute truth about particular products.

Of course it would be great if we lived in a world where every manufacturer and supplier was completely transparent about their products, but we don't. We live in a highly competitive, win-at-all-costs, sometimes amoral world, where some companies will do pretty much anything to 'win'. So the net result of all that, is that you and I need to be more aware, more educated and less naive, especially when it comes to managing our greatest resource, our body.

I could write an entire book on this subject (companies misrepresenting products, misleading consumers, using selective science and distorting the truth to sell products) but for today, I'll just focus on this simple, easy-to-understand example of how quickly we can be mislead when it comes to certain products, in this particular instance low-fat meals that aren't low fat at all.

Ignore the front and read the back.

If you really want to know what's in the box (packet, can, bag) understand that what's written on the front is called advertising, not information. The important information is usually somewhere on the back of the product in teeny weeny writing - no shock there.

Recently someone asked me what I thought of a particular 'low-fat' frozen dinner. I asked them to bring me the box so that I could take a peek at the nutritional information and give them some informed advice, specific to that product. You can see (part of) the front of the box in the picture (sorry about Johnnie's photographic skills - or lack thereof). I have intentionally not included the name of the manufacturer because most of these types of products (irrespective of the company) are very similar in terms of nutritional value, so I felt to publicly identify one of many companies would be unfair.

Notice the most prominent writing on this label - "97% fat free" - in large, impossible-to-miss letters. So clearly this must be a healthy, low-fat product. It says so right there on the box!

It also has the tick of approval of the 'National Heart Foundation' (bottom left), so it must be good. But as I said before, things are not always (in fact often) what they seem, especially when it comes to some low-fat food options.

Now let's take a look at the reverse side of the packet and we will discover how misleading some packaging and marketing can be. You may need to really pay attention and put on your thinking cap for the next bit. It's hard to make out, but the second green line in the nutrition information box says:

Fat, total (2.7% of meal) and we've already discovered from the front of the box that this meal is 97% fat-free, so that all stacks up.

However...

What if the formula that these companies use to calculate fat doesn't really tell us the true story? What if it's misleading?

When (most) companies calculate the fat percentage of their products they do so based on the weight of those products. For example, if a product weighs 100 grams and it contains 10 grams of fat, then that product is claimed to be 10% fat, or as often is the case, 90% fat-free. If we look at this particular product, we see that it weighs 340 grams and that it contains 9.2 grams of fat - therefore we have a meal which is only 2.7% fat. Or do we?

Now, if the weight of food was the issue (in terms of it's impact on our body) then they would be right, but when it comes to you or I gaining or losing body-fat, it ain't about the weight of food we put in our body, it's about it's energy density - how many calories that product contains. If it was only about the weight of food, I'd have to give up watermelon 'cause it's kinda heavy!!

What we need to know to accurately estimate the fat percentage of any food (and therefore it's potential impact on us) is this:

1. Total calories contained in that meal or product

2. How many of those (total) calories come from fat.

Simply calculate the fat calories as a percentage of the total calories and then you'll get an accurate picture of whether a product truly is low in fat. For example:

The above 'low-fat' meal contains a total of 378 calories and we know that it contains 9.2 grams of fat (the nutrition label gives us this info). We also know that one gram of fat contains 9 calories (well, you do now), so by simply multiplying 9.2 (the total grams of fat in this meal) by 9 (the calories per gram of fat) we can calculate that 82.8 of the total calories in this meal come from fat!!

In other words, just under 25% of the calories in this 'low-fat' meal are derived from fat!!

Hmmm, no wonder they use the 'weight' thing as opposed to the energy density thing. It would be much harder to sell a low-fat meal that was 25% fat wouldn't it?

Remember Grasshoppers, not everything is as it seems.

* Let us know your thoughts on this post by clicking on the comment thingy below. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber.

42 comments

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

An Unpaid Job - How Attractive!

Good morning/afternoon/evening class. Well, we had a great response to our Favorite Book post last Friday... even drew a bunch of lurkers out from the darkness and into the light.

Hey, why am I talking like Benny Hinn?

Sorry. Anyway, we heard from many people who are passionate about their books and discovered that, like me, many of you have been profoundly influenced and inspired by some of the great authors, thinkers and teachers of our time.
Giddyup.

So last week Tami from Alabama floated the idea of developing some kind of book club right here on me-dot-com, complete with regular book reviews for our readers. Waddya think? Initially the idea didn't blow my socks off 'cause to be honest, it just sounded like more work for me and my already-over-worked right-hand-man, Johnnie. Another thing to add to our very long 'to do' list. But then I considered it for a while and had an idea.

Why don't I get you to do the work?

Bingo!! That's right, I'm on the hunt for three (more) book reviewers (I already have one in Tami). That way we can feature one book review each week of the month. For those silly enough or brave enough to seek one of these extremely glamorous positions, the way it will work is as follows:

1. You'll work hard and get paid absolutely nothing - attractive I know. If you're ever in Melbourne I'll take you out to lunch. Cheesecake and coffee on me.

2. You will be required to submit one book review per month (for example, the second week of every month) for the rest of this year. Each review should be somewhere between one hundred and five hundred words in length.

3. You will be required to rate your reviewed book out of five stars.

4. You will be credited as the reviewer and if relevant, provided with a link to your site.

5. The reviewed book must have some tie-in with personal and/or professional development. Romance novels probably ain't gonna make the cut, even though I am a massive Mills and Boon fan.

6. While these reviews will be read by a lot of people (thousands), you do not need to be a professional writer and you need not panic about your creative writing skills. Just give it a go! I'm just an old bodybuilder, so if I can write ten thousand words every week, you can write a few hundred each month. Don't talk yourself out of something which you may enjoy and may be an opportunity to learn and grow. Remember, pain and fear are two of our greatest teachers.

Okay, there it is in a nutshell; Book Reviewing 101.

If you're interested in becoming practically involved in this site, would like to be a contributor and would like to be part of my team, just click on the 'Email Craig' thingy in the left sidebar and shoot me an email telling me a little bit about you and voicing your interest. Johnnie or I will get back to you soon-ish (within a few days).

As I write this, I don't even know if this concept will work. We may get zero responses or one hundred. I guess we'll find out in the next few days. Everything starts with an idea right? If we get a good response, we'll do it. If not, we won't.

Simple really.

On with today's post (below)....

The Unwelcome Evangelist.

About twenty years ago I took my first trip to the States. I had lots of fun, met some cool people, did some touristy things (a word) and of course, worked out in as many gyms as I could, keeping in mind that I was in the middle of my 'how-big-can-I-get-for-no-sensible-reason' phase (don't try and understand it girls; it's a stupid boy thing). Anyway there I was one day, a million miles from home, pumping iron in some strange gym in a foreign land and generally minding my own business, when I noticed a lady doing some dead-lifts (essentially a lower back exercise) with the worst technique I'd ever seen. Not just moderately bad form, it was horrible. Dangerous even. FYI - If you want to destroy your back quickly, do some dead-lifts with terrible technique and you'll need new discs by tomorrow.

For a few minutes I watched her out of the corner of my eye and hoped that one of the 'ever-observant and caring' gym staff would help her out. They didn't. Both male instructors seemed to be preoccupied with some other... responsibilities. Nineteen year-old responsibilities with blond hair.

So much for those good intentions.

Anyway, not wanting to see someone get injured, I walked over and politely and discreetly offered Mrs. Ruptured Disc some advice as I had done thousands of times before to other people in my own gym. As the words were leaving my lips she just glared at me with disdain. Not happy. Indignant even. I won't repeat the whole conversation but let's just say that my 'advice' wasn't appreciated or well received. Apparently she had been training for over twenty years and "didn't need some stupid f***ing meat-head with a stupid f***ing accent to tell her what to do in a gym."

How dare I want to help.

To me, I was just a nice bloke trying to stop a lady from hurting herself. To her, I was some self-righteous, arrogant, sexist Neanderthal out to teach a helpless woman a lesson in a man's domain. Er, okay Mrs. Too-Many-Issues-To-Mention.
And as far as each of us knew, we were both right.

I learned a few things from that brief encounter.

1. My truth won't be everyone's truth.

2. Not everyone wants to be taught something by me, even if I have the best intentions and even if the information could be extremely valuable to them. I can't teach someone who doesn't want to be taught and neither should I try. Thinking back on that experience now, I probably didn't read the situation well at all.

3. Nobody likes having someone else's beliefs or ideas shoved down their throat - no matter how well intended the shoving is.

4. Trying to teach an unwilling student will typically result in the opposite of what I hope to achieve (resentment instead of enlightenment, disconnection instead of connection).

5. Uninvited and unwelcome opinions and lessons will invariably cause problems and even destroy relationships. We often see this in families.

The Convert.

Have you ever noticed how 'evangelical' and annoying some people get once they've seen the light and changed their life in some way? And I'm not talking about your bible-thumping, scripture-quoting evangelist types either. No, I'm talking about the reformed smokers, drinkers, over-eaters and non-exercisers who have changed their ways and for some reason, feel compelled to impose their new-found values, thinking and behaviours on everyone within striking distance... no matter how unwilling or disinterested their 'students' are.

The truth is that sometimes even the best intentions will produce the worst results. Some fitness/health 'evangelists' even drive me crazy because they have no awareness, no ability to read people, no sense of timing and no understanding of what is and isn't appropriate to say in a particular situation. They just blurt out their version of the truth. And as a result they often come across as self-righteous, judgmental, condescending tools. They do more harm than good.

I have a person in my life who smokes. Plenty. I'm very close to this person. I hate smoking with a passion. I understand what it does to a body. For years I tried to 'teach' this person about the perils of smoking - to help them change a destructive behaviour. My motives were noble, my information was accurate and I was desperately trying to do some good because I care. Every time I raised the topic, it ended disastrously. There was no revelation, no enlightenment, no behavioural change and no joy.

Just stress, tension and an emotional brick wall.

For a while I tried different approaches, different ways to communicate the same message. I only created a bigger and bigger gap and was met with more and more resistance. I realised that my 'lessons' weren't welcome and I was probably doing more harm than good. I stopped my evangelising and the smoking continues to this day. It makes me sad but that's life; we make our own choices. I will teach people who want to be taught. Other than that, I will know when to be quiet.

So what about the religious types?

In their attempts to enlighten and convert the masses, some (not all) religious types actually push people further and further away from their religion because they don't know how to relate to, or connect with, people who are not like them. Having an important message is one thing, knowing how and when to deliver it is another.

In fact, it's often not the message but rather the 'messenger' who alienates people.

Some people blurt out their message like some kind of weirdo and rather than creating a connection with someone, they actually create a massive disconnection because they haven't read the person or the situation at all. They are good at talking but terrible at communicating and creating rapport. I'm not so sure that the "if you don't listen to me you'll burn in hell" message is all that effective at engaging and connecting with people. Maybe those people who 'represent' the various religions which are apparently all about 'love' should simply be more loving (to everyone) and less evangelical. Talk less, do more. Maybe the act of loving people (being generous, kind, caring, understanding, forgiving, patient) would be more of an effective 'evangelising method' than some judgmental words from a soap box.

Just a thought.

Knowing what to say isn't nearly as important as knowing when to say it.

Sometimes connecting with a person is all about timing. It's about reading the signs and finding the appropriate moment and the right communication style. Sometimes there isn't a right time and sometimes it's not our job. The last two decades have taught me that what I don't say is sometimes more helpful in a relationship or situation. I've also learned that sometimes, how I live and what I do will have more of an impact on others than what I say - my behaviour rather than my words.

Sometimes teaching isn't.
And sometimes 'not' teaching is.

You'll figure it out.

* As always, feel free to share your thoughts on this post by clicking on the 'comments' thingy. Don't forget to tell us where you're from either. If you'd like to receive articles like this automatically, simply click on the 'subscribe to this feed' thingy at the bottom of this post and become a subscriber. See ya.

Craig.

18 comments

Friday, January 25, 2008

Your Favorite Book

So the very lovely Tami from Alabama has suggested that I start Craig's book club.

Dunno 'bout that concept specifically, but she did plant a seed and got me to thinking that maybe we could do a version of the book club thing in some way, shape or form. Maybe it could be OUR book club (rather than Craig's). You and I can be members and it can be a group project. We can educate and inspire each other. I get lots of people asking me about my favorite books - what I tuck under my arm as I crawl into the hammock and what has inspired me and shaped me over the years. I'm compiling that list for you now but in the mean time, I thought that perhaps we should explore the favorite book thing as a group.

So, I've decided that today you can do some work for a change. ABOUT TIME. You lazy-asses.

Snot all 'bout you, y'know.
I've got needs too.
Teach me something.

Being as it's Friday and I've been very diligent this week, I thought that perhaps I might put my feet up and you might inspire us all (or point us in the direction of a good book at least) with a little book review or recommendation of your own. Yes, even you lurkers who never comment and continue to hide in the cyber-shadows - maybe it's time for you to step up to the plate and make your 'commenting' debut. We'll be gentle with you. Promise.

So wadda we want?

A hundred and fiddy words or less on your fave book. Tell us what you dig about it and the impact it had on you. Might have made you laugh or cry. Might have educated, enlightened or inspired you. Might have been a turning point for your life. Is it long or short? Fact or fiction? An easy read or heavy going? Whatever you feel compelled to share with us. If 'your best book' has already been recommended by someone else, then just 'second' their vote. If ten people tell me to read the same book, I'm gonna go get it!

I look forward to your suggestions.

Simply click on the comment thingy below and get writing.

44 comments

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Moving Beyond Instant Gratification.

Have you ever witnessed someone who is obese, depressed about their lack of health and fitness, embarrassed by their appearance and 'allegedly' desperate to lose weight, stuff themselves with junk food on a regular basis?

Of course you have. We all have. Maybe that person was/is you. There have been times in my life when that person was me. This kind of irrational, unhealthy behaviour doesn't just start and finish with food. It happens with drugs, alcohol, sex (in destructive relationships), with spending money that we don't have (some call it retail therapy) and with a range of other feel-good, but ultimately destructive, habits which give us a short-lived pleasure hit, often to be followed by a much longer period of regret, depression, anger and even, self-loathing. You know what I mean. You've been there. You may even be there right now.

So why do we do it?

Two key reasons:
1. We do it because it helps us 'escape' something (momentarily) - a feeling, a mood, a situation, a depressing reality. But in truth, we don't really escape anything at all - we simply put it off. Put our head in the sand for a while. Delude ourselves. Numb out. Sometimes for years. On some level, we naively hope that things will somehow 'work themselves out'. What an unrealistic, stupid, lazy and irresponsible attitude. If you don't know that things don't work themselves out by now - then you best learn. Quickly. Your best life (body, career, financial situation, relationships) won't magically manifest on its own. You will create it. Or not.

2. We do it because it feels good and on some level, we're all pleasure junkies. We love stuff that makes us feel good - preferably in the next two minutes. For some, that instant hit is a hamburger or some chocolate, for others it will be a joint, a cigarette or some booze, for the animal lover it might be rolling around the floor with a puppy, and for some, it will be the rush of endorphins that comes with their early morning run. Clearly not all 'pleasure hits' are bad for us, so for today we'll address the unhealthy stuff. Of course.

This is how the internal dialogue might go:

"If I eat this (insert junk food of choice) right now, I will have instant pleasure (what we're all about) and I've had a crap day (here it comes) so I really deserve something yummy (rationalise, justify, make ourselves feel better about what we're about to do). And anyway, if I don't eat it right now, I won't have instant weight loss (there's an interesting concept), so what's the point? (poor baby) I'm 100kgs (220lbs), so one more pizza is really no biggie. I can start my new diet (number 738) tomorrow (hey, what a great idea - pity we live in ground hog day where tomorrow never actually comes)."

Change is uncomfortable and 'amazing' has a price.

For a range of different reasons, we have an aversion to pain and discomfort. Sometimes that's good and sometimes that's bad. There's some pain we should avoid and there's some that we should embrace, or at the very least, be prepared to deal with. Of course I'm not talking about embracing the type of pain that comes with hitting your thumb with a hammer, no, I'm talking about being prepared to work through the pain and discomfort that comes with addressing those long-term issues, problems and challenges (you know), breaking those destructive habits and creating some new healthy behaviours. For LIFE.

In his amazing book The Road Less Travelled, M. Scott Peck addressed this subject (and many others) with much more eloquence, depth and detail than I can in this short article, but essentially he spoke of the notion of building our best 'self' and our best life by delaying gratification (via self-control and discipline).

Like me, he was big on discipline (sadly, he passed away in 2005).

Very early in his book he shares the profoundly simple truth that "life is difficult." Clearly not the message that many people want to hear. And often not a message that many self-help 'experts' are prepared to share. I admire him for telling the truth rather than trying to win a popularity contest.

While he went on to sell many books and be very successful, his honesty, his straight-forward approach and his philosophy was not embraced by everybody.

Only the smart ones.

In talking of the importance of discipline, he described four aspects of it:

1. Delaying gratification.
Sacrificing present comfort for future gains (what we're talking about today).
2. Acceptance of responsibility.
Accepting responsibility for one's own decisions (and being fully responsible for our life reality).
3. Dedication to truth.
Honesty, both in word and deed (starting with being honest with ourselves).
4. Balancing.
Handling conflicting requirements.

I know today's lesson is a little heavy and that I have spoken bluntly, but I believe that this particular message is extremely important and relevant to the vast majority of us who are serious about living an amazing, rewarding and fulfilling life. Serious about change. We say that we want to learn, grow and improve ourselves but sometimes we do everything in our power to not learn. We consciously avoid those situations and circumstances that would force us to adapt and evolve. And SO MANY of us are still going around in circles. Reading lots, changing nothing.

When we really grow is when we let ourselves be tested, when we scrape our knees and fall down a few times. We learn the best lessons when we ride the bumpy, sometimes-painful, roller-coaster of life. A little short-term pain for some long-term gain. Until we move beyond our 'what's-in-it-for-me-right-now' mindset, we will be forever trapped in a reality that we don't really want. Frustrated, unfulfilled and wasting our time and significant potential.

Treading water in a sea of mediocrity.

Sometimes we have a tendency to analyse and re-analyse things inside-out, upside-down and back-to-front, but now and then we just need to toughen up. I'm suggesting that for some of us, today should be the day. If this article has pushed a button or two, or even made you a little uncomfortable then guess what?

You know what.

Let me finish today's lesson with a cool quote that summarises part of the great man's teaching:

"Peck defines discipline as the basic set of tools we require to solve life's problems. These tools are delaying gratification, assuming responsibility, dedication to the truth, and balancing. These are techniques of suffering, means by which we experience the pain of problems in such a way as to work through them and solve them successfully, learning and growing in the process. Most of us do not want to wrestle with our problems because of the pain involved. Yet, it is only in grappling with our problems that life has its meaning. Delaying gratification is the process by which we learn to meet and experience pain first, and then enjoy pleasure. By doing so, we enhance the joy of pleasure."
(Thankyou Mr Wikipedia)

Enjoy your day.

36 comments

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Smells Like Team Spirit

Growing up as an only child often meant that I was Mister 'Fiercely-Independent-I-Don't-Need-Anyone-To-Help-Me-Thanks'. On the whole, not a great strategy for life. I wouldn't really recommend it. But I guess I was ten or eleven so what did I know? For a while there, I had that whole Robinson Crusoe thing goin' on. Unfortunately for me, I carried some of that psychology with me into adulthood - specifically, my business. In the early years I nearly killed myself trying to grow my company, doing basically everything from training clients to cleaning toilets, because obviously, nobody would care like I did and nobody could clean the mirrors like me!

Okay, I was young and stupid.
Maybe slightly obsessive.

And while I think it's wise that we are discerning about who we 'let in' to our life (or a particular part of that life), I have come to understand and appreciate the value of great 'team mates' as we move towards a common goal. In fact, I've come to trust and rely on them - a significant step for the once-untrusting only child. In fact, if it wasn't for my team, I wouldn't be doing the majority of the fun stuff that now constitutes my day to day life.

For the purpose of this article, I will be referring to your 'team mates' as those people that you will surround yourself with, or use as a resource as you move towards achieving your goals, realising your potential and becoming the new and improved version of you. They may be coaches, friends, family, business advisors, health professionals or some other kind of expert or mentor. For some of you, I might even be part of your 'cyber-team' (via this site). That'd be cool.
Over the years I have employed hundreds of people, including trainers, cleaners, masseurs, receptionists, personal assistants and managers - with wildly varying degrees of success. And of course I've used a range of professionals and specialists (lawyers, accountants, etc.). While many of my team have been fantastic, it's fair to say that some of them... weren't. I'll choose not to expand on that.

However, my experiences have taught me that to be truly effective and productive, and for me to continue to develop and grow, both personally and professionally, I will always need help (feedback, direction, advice, support, blood-sweat-and-tears) - once a tough thing to admit for the self-sufficient-stupid-alpha-male-warrior (a.k.a. idiot). I actually need to be part of a team to fulfill my potential. Even in the last twelve months my businesses have grown and improved amazingly, with very little input from me because I am now part of a great team, as opposed to me trying to be the team.

While my extended team is massive, the people I work closely with and rely on the most day to day are Johnnie, Mikey Boy and Sammy. Let me tell you a little about each of them.

Johnnie (above) is the creator of this site, a tech genius and hates being hugged - he has numerous tactile issues - (that smile is more of a grimace). The site was his idea and he approached me with the original concept. If not for him, you wouldn't be reading this article right now. So depending on your opinion of craigharper.com, you may love him or hate him. While I do all the writing, he does everything else for the site - which is way more than you might imagine. He probably spends somewhere around forty plus hours every week working on the site and happily takes my late night calls to answer my stupid tech questions. He also manages my speaking and media stuff and is responsible for the administrative and business sides of Harper's Personal Training. He is reliable, honest, talented, very bald, not nearly as funny as me, totally committed to what we're about and probably works too many hours. No wonder his wife hates me. Love you Annie. We're both very excited about what we're doing with the site because we honestly believe that we're building something amazing together. He is just as emotionally invested in this project (the site) as I am - and that's rare. Johnnie is a gun.

Mikey Boy (left) is my young (26 y.o.) business partner for my Brighton centre. He is like a young version of me but better looking and smarter. And has abs. And will do absolutely anything if dared - like let me write on his head or drink a litre of disgusting, putrid, lumpy dishwater for twenty bucks (true story). He is the Personal Training Manager of Harper's, is about to become a dad (with the lovely Holly), is a great trainer, never has a bad day (at work anyway) and is the Energiser Bunny of the fitness industry. While he has lots of talent, he is on my team because of his amazing people skills, his easy-going nature, his big engine (work ethic), his honesty, his loyalty and total commitment to what we're about. He is being groomed to run Harper's solo and will do so in the next few years. He has great leadership skills and will make a great boss in the near future.

*By the way - I offered Mikey and Holly a $5,000 baby-bonus if they would call their first-born Craig. Amazingly, they're not interested. Hard to believe I know. Craig is such a sexy and contemporary name. Right now I'm working on 'Harper' as a first name. I reckon I'm a chance.

Sammy (below) is my business partner in our kid's gym - GECKO. In fact, he is Gecko. He is Mr Charisma and he runs the day to day business on his own (okay, with help from his own great team of kid's coaches). From a practical perspective, I am more of an advisor and mentor to Sammy than a 'worker' in the business. In the last twelve months he has single-handedly grown the business from zero kids to a current enrolment (kids are enrolled for semesters) of nearly six hundred. He is so good at what he does that we've almost outgrown our 6,000 sq. ft. centre. He is talented, loyal, ambitious and I'm glad we're on the same side. We're looking to set up centre number two right now, so that's exciting. Like Mikey and Johnnie, Sam is totally committed, understands the importance of 'team' and has chosen to be a success.

Not only are these guys fantastic team mates and valuable allies, but they also happen to be great blokes and I simply love working with them and hanging out with them - always a good thing.

Your team might consist of a whole bunch of people like mine does, or it may be you and one or two trusted allies - it will depend on your specific goal (or goals) and situation. However, do not under estimate the value of being part of a team - it's crucial for your success over the long term. People who go the Robinson Crusoe path invariably under-achieve and end up frustrated and miserable. While we don't want to be hopelessly dependant on people for survival (and thereby make ourselves completely vulnerable), we do need to get to a point where we can 'let go' of certain things and trust people who have proven themselves. Working along side people who genuinely want to be part of your success is both empowering and liberating.

So who do you want on your team?

1. You want the person who will encourage and support you but also be straight with you. Honesty, advice and meaningful feedback from someone who you can trust and respect is crucial. You don't need a fan club, you need practical, realistic advice, guidance and feedback. Occasionally a kick in the ass. You want the person who will keep you accountable and keep you doing what needs to be done even when the wheels on your wagon get a little wobbly.

2. You want the person who 'gets' what you're on about. There's no use having someone on your team who doesn't really understand or support your vision. This doesn't mean that you always need to agree on every issue (in fact, sometimes it's good if you don't), but in terms of the big picture objectives, you need to be on the same page. I've worked with people who just didn't 'get' what I was on about - never worked.

3. You want someone who doesn't have an agenda. You want team mates who are genuinely there for you and are excited to help you get where you want to go - people who will be genuinely happy for you to achieve and to be part of your success. Sometimes we've gotta work our way through the wa-wa-wa people (talk big but don't deliver) to find the 'real' people. Some people talk the 'I'm-here-to-help-you-talk', when in reality their motives are far less noble and much more self-centred. I think I've met most of them. I'll send you a list of who to avoid. In recent years I've had lots of people who wanted to be on my team because they thought I needed their help. So nice of them. So selfless. And a constant stream of people who approach me with a 'great business opportunity'. Thanks anyway, I'm pretty happy with my current team and situation.

4. You want the best person available to you. So we'll assume that Tony Robbins, Doctor Phil, Deepak Chopra and Oprah are all kinda busy. And to be honest the best choice for you probably ain't gonna be your brother, your girlfriend, your gym buddy Kelvin or your Aunt Sal - nice people though they may be. Don't recruit team members hastily. Enlisting the wrong people can take you further away from your goals and undo your efforts thus far. Be very wise and selective in your recruiting process. Not every available (or willing) person will be an asset. When you are putting your team together, be more practical and less emotional - you'll create better results over the long haul.

So if you've been suffering from Robin-Crusoe-itis, or perhaps you've been part of the wrong team for too long, then maybe it's time for you to start putting together TEAM YOU.

Go you!

47 comments

Monday, January 21, 2008

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah... but do you want it ENOUGH?

For a scientist (of sorts), I'm about to write something relatively brief (for me) and very unscientific. I'm about to dumb down what I believe to be the essence of creating real change (genuine forever results) and discuss one of the biggest hurdles to happiness, fulfilment, personal growth and success; the do-you-want-it-ENOUGH factor.

The very simple truth is this:

"When it comes to 'living the dream', many people simply don't have the desire or the drive to do what needs to be done. And to keep doing it. And doing it. And doing it."

They think a lot, plan a lot, talk a lot and some of them even masquerade as experts (too many, in fact), but when all the dust has settled and the bullshit has stopped, they don't produce results because they just don't want it badly enough. Not because they can't do it or they don't have the ability, but because invariably they don't have the same level of desire and commitment as some of their less gifted counterparts. In fact, many highly-talented people are chronic under-achievers simply because they lack the wanting-it-badly-enough mindset. The I'll-do-whatever-it-takes gene. They are lazy, undisciplined, excuse-making, procrastinating, big-talking wannabees. Their talent is wasted and their potential never really explored or developed.

"Success has a price and some people are not prepared to cough up - they want someone, or something else, to pay it for them."

Am I being harsh? Depends on where you sit and where you've been. From my experience, I'm simply sharing some truth - what I've seen thousands of times. And as always, you can get offended or educated. It's a choice.

Or you can visit: tell-me-what-I-wanna-hear.com.

On the other hand, take a look at the people with less talent, less overall ability and less skill but more drive and desire - invariably they will achieve much more. Much, much more. People who want anything enough will always find a way.

"While others are making excuses, they are making it happen."

They will deal with crap that most wouldn't even consider, because giving up ain't an option for them. If it's humanly possible, they'll get the job done. Whereas for many people their mantra is:

"If it's comfortable, easy and not-too-inconvenient, then I'll get it done. However, if you could do it for me, that would be even better!"

Why do you think we (we, the society) continue to spend more and more money on 'quick fixes' for our body, invariably with disastrous results? Because we don't want it enough to actually do the work ourselves. The truth is that we all know how to get in shape (essentially) but it always involves a level of hard work, sweat and discipline - three things we're allergic to. We want the results without the work, so we have become the Shortcut Society.

So, you want more from your life?

Of course you do, that's why you're here. Join the rather long queue on the road to self-improvement. A desire to change your life, your situation, your reality for the better makes you pretty normal. Clever even. If you're like the majority then your typical life experience fluctuates between kinda crappy and pretty good. Occasionally great. But of course, you want more 'great' and less 'crappy'. Me too.

In my job I'm always talking to people about their dreams and goals. Their plans for the future and their 'best life' - no major revelation there. People don't come to see me because they want to stay where they are (in terms of their career, habits, relationships, finances, level of health and appearance). No, just like you and me, on some level they want more - whatever more personally represents for them. We all have dreams and goals and we all have a picture in our mind of where we want to 'go' - what we would like our life, or part thereof, to look like. It seems that we're very effective at building our best life in our head, but out here in the real world, not so great. If only we would move from the theoretical to the practical, then we'd all be rock stars.

When we analyse the mechanics of the change process, we see that there are many ingredients in the typical 'success recipe' - the stuff we need to make it (our dreams) happen. And most change specialists (lame-ass term I know) talk about things like planning, research, goal setting, adequate resources, time-management, intelligence, people skills, organisational skills, problem solving skills, creativity, adaptability, evaluation and re-evaluation. And yes, as a rule, they are valuable ingredients in the change process. But... are they what's most likely to make or break you?

Nuppity Nup.

Give me a person with buckets of drive and desire over a person with talent any day. Talent doesn't get the job done any more than owning some climbing gear means you'll conquer Everest. You need to take that talent (or climbing gear) and use it.

The obvious truth is that we live in the information age. You and I have access to more self-help stuff (books, CD's, DVD's, websites, workshops, courses, specialists), than we've ever had. If you read all day every day, you'd never even scratch the surface of the self-help literature available to you. And if creating our best life was all about information and resources, then we would all be 'there'. But we aren't.
Are we?

For right now, perhaps the only question you need to really ask yourself is:

"Do I want it enough?"

28 comments

Friday, January 18, 2008

The Value of Criticism

I have to share something with you; something you may find hard to believe. I think it's best that you sit down for this. Oh, you are. Right. Okay, ready then? Here it comes...

Some people don't like me. My thoughts, my ideas, my communication style, my writing, this site... me. Shocking I know.

Sorry, had to whisper it. I'm embarrassed. And a bit hurt.
Hang on, that's not all; there's more.

Some people don't like you either. I do, but amazingly, not everybody does.

It's hard to believe I know. How is that possible? You and I are so ace. What's not to love about us; we're fantastic. I think you're great, you think I'm mildly amusing. Can't everyone else recognise our undeniable fabulousness (a word) and simply embrace us for the champions of humanity that we are? Apparently not.
To my absolute astonishment, it appears that I'm f-f-f-f-lawed. Periodically offensive, politically incorrect, blunt, insensitive and occasionally, w-r-r-r-r... ong. Who'da thought?
There I said it. It's out.
And I thought I was the poster boy for 'adorable'.
My mother so mislead me.

Moving from complete obscurity to someone with a profile (of sorts) and a public voice (at times) has taught me many lessons, but none more important than that of being able to deal with criticism in a constructive way. And to deal with it on every level - emotionally, psychologically, professionally, publicly, privately and practically. For many of us, our inability to deal with criticism, or even constructive feedback, is what stops us from moving from mediocre to amazing. It's what stops us from fulfilling our potential and becoming a 'better version' of us. However, the irony is that if we actually choose to learn from, and use that criticism (instead of cracking the sads and sulking for a year), it can be the catalyst for real growth and often proves to be one of our greatest teachers.

One of the other ironies of personal growth (in terms of us personally learning, growing and adapting) is that people who are constantly and exclusively surrounded by people who only tell them what they want to hear are actually being handicapped (not empowered), and will invariably come crashing down to earth. They will learn less, grow less and be deprived the opportunity of developing crucial life and coping skills because they aren't living in reality. And then one day when reality steps into their world (and they discover that they are in fact, not perfect or universally loved and accepted), they won't cope.

Publicly putting your ass on the line (via radio, TV, magazines, speaking, this site) and sharing your thoughts, ideas and life-philosophy with the masses has proven to be a high risk activity for me. As it is with anyone who does what I do. When I first started out in the big wide world of public speaking, I must admit that I was naive. I stupidly assumed that if my motives were good, I was passionate and sincere about my message and it was my objective to have a positive impact on people, then I would be universally embraced because clearly, I'm adorable.
And lovable, hilarious, irresistible and totally captivating.

Good theory Dumbo.
And as for my mother's "don't worry, they'll all love you" theory - seriously Mary, what were you thinking?

I quickly learned that I had the ability to both 'engage and alienate' different people in the same audience at the same time. I had to learn that the very same words which motivate, challenge and inspire one person may alienate, intimidate and even anger, another. I'm still learning this lesson.

While I have had much support, encouragement and love over my journey, I've also had my share of critics. And to be completely honest and transparent with you, sometimes those critics were right, or at the very least, had a valid point. Sometimes I need a reality check, a kick in the ass and a different perspective. I have had to learn that not everyone speaks 'Craig' - a very obscure and at times, difficult language.

Last week I gave a presentation. It went reasonably well. Not amazing, but okay. I've done better, I've done worse. As I left, people came and thanked me, shook my hand and told me that they had enjoyed it. Yesterday I received an email from a man who was also in the presentation. I could share some of the specific contents of the email with you but I'll save us both some time and condense it for you:

"Dear Craig, you're a big tool and your presentation sucked...."

Fifteen years ago feedback like this would have killed me. I would have been emotionally wounded for days because I had a burning desire to please everyone and to be universally liked (two stupid and impossible objectives). These days, I read the letter thoughtfully and I genuinely consider the writer's perspective and feelings. Rather than 'react', I choose to de-emotionalise the process and see what I can learn.

Here's what I have to teach you about Criticism:
1. If you're alive you will have critics. And the more ambitious you are, the more you will be criticised. If you don't want to be criticised then don't speak, don't have an opinion, don't disagree with anyone and preferably live somewhere remote; a small island or a cave perhaps. Maybe one of those weird-ass subterranean bunkers with some tinned food and a big heavy door.

2. Someone who criticises you is not automatically an idiot. Yes, some people are vindictive, nasty pieces of work... but some people actually have a point. Here's a crazy notion - what if they're right?

3. Thoughtfully consider constructive criticism and feedback. Genuinely try to understand their point of view. However, always ignore mindless, angry abuse. There's a difference.

4. I can choose how I react to any situation and to any feedback - positively or negatively. So can you. I will de-emotionalise the process to the best of my ability and I will consciously find the lesson. I will react different(ly) to most, because I want to be different to most.

5. Considering someone's critical feedback doesn't mean that you need to agree with them. I often 'understand' someone's point of view while not necessarily agreeing with it. That's okay. Smart even.

6. I can get grumpy or I can get enlightened. I can learn that we don't all share the same reality or perspective and that's okay. In order for me to be able to connect with people, I need to find the lesson, rather than perpetuate the problem.

7. I can transcend the ugly, common practice of engaging in back and forth mindless, destructive criticism (pointless arguments). I will offer feedback (constructive criticism) only when I genuinely believe that a) it will be received in the manner I intend it and b) I believe it can be of real value to the recipient.

8. As difficult as it may be, I can embrace criticism as a part of my development. I can make it an opportunity to learn, grow, improve, develop and change for the better. Rather than experience and process it as a setback or a trauma.

9. I can get self-righteous and defensive, or I can get humble. Sometimes I need to pull my head in. You too.

10. I can be a precious, sooky, la-la (see, I just offended fifteen people right there) or I can toughen up and get a little practical. Some people won't like you - deal with that. Some people will disagree with you and be offended by you even when you're busting your ass to do the right thing. Welcome to life; it's messy, it's lumpy, it's bumpy and it's definitely not fair.

Okay, lesson over.

I gotta go and vacuum my weird-ass subterranean bunker.

Photo by vidrio

42 comments

Thursday, January 17, 2008

What they didn't teach me at 'Personal Trainer School'

Good morning (afternoon, evening) class.

Today won't be particularly motivational or educational right here at me-dot-com. You'll learn pretty much nothing. Nothing of any value anyway. Unless perhaps you're considering a career as a Personal Trainer (you may want to look away now). However, you might find yourself laughing (proven to be good for the immune system), there's a fair chance you'll cringe and you may even think less of me (if that's possible). If you are a prude, are easily offended, or have the capacity to feel nauseous at the drop of a hat, you may want to come back tomorrow. So too, if you're after something deep, philosophical or potentially life-changing.

For those of you who don't know my work history, I started working in the fitness industry in 1982, essentially as a fitness instructor, although in reality, my 'job description' stretched far beyond exercise prescription to making coffee for my boss, cleaning toilets and change-rooms, answering phones, selling memberships, constantly putting away gym equipment, sweeping squash courts, wiping sweat off benches, dealing with the odd 'barfing' episode (yep, vomit is a regular occurrence in gyms), chlorinating pools, vacuuming vast expanses of carpet, resolving the occasional altercation between meat-heads in the weight room, removing pubes from the filter of the hot tub (I did give you the option of looking away) and opening the centre daily at 5 am.

Yep, all in all, it was a pretty prestigious position that I held. And of course, on the day that I was handed the responsibility of extricating those short, curly hairs from the hot tub, I knew that I had arrived. Aaaah the glamour of it all. And for the honour of holding this lofty position, I was 'rewarded' with the enormous wage of ten bucks an hour.
Go me.

Oh the sheer joy of cruising around the Bayside of area (of Melbourne) in the early 80's in my fifteen year-old orange station wagon (my 'company' car) - complete with dents in virtually every rusted panel, an overpowering stench of chemicals (from my numerous trips to collect chlorine) and the steering which pulled horribly to the left. I had indeed arrived. I was the poster-boy for success.
Or not.
Fortunately for me, a few years later I was provided with an opportunity to step out of my 'wildly successful' existence and into some Personal Training. Sure, it was a tough decision. I started training clients full time in 1987 (in the same centre) and this allowed me the luxury of side-stepping some of my not-so-glamorous responsibilities and trading up from the aforementioned orange beast to something which almost steered in a straight line and didn't give me headaches from the permanent chlorine smell. For a while there, I worked for myself and also for the gym, trying to combine my own PT stuff with teaching a few classes and writing some programs for gym members. However, within a short period of time I realised that it would have to be one or the other. And as attractive as cleaning toilets and polishing the cappuccino machine was for ten bucks an hour, I thought I'd chance my hand at working for myself and building my own Personal Training business.

After much planning, numerous hurdles and not a lot of support or encouragement from too many people (most people didn't think the concept would fly), I opened my first (and Australia's first) Personal Training centre in 1990 - no classes, no members, no memberships, no joining fees, no contracts; just appointment-only training. And while I had my challenges, the amazing experiences I had in those first few years of owning my own company and building my own brand were some of the most rewarding and hilarious moments (in hindsight) of my life. Here's some of what 'Personal Trainer School' didn't prepare me for...

Tale One
* Not long after I had opened my business, I was working on the gym floor, taking a female client through a strength session and, as always, I was busy being the ultimate fitness professional (in my mind anyway) - teaching, coaching, correcting, encouraging and being mildly amusing. It was early afternoon, so we were the only ones on the floor - I had a grand total of one employee at that stage - and he was off somewhere devouring a chicken. Or some other small farm animal. Anyway, there we were, me and the thirty-ish year-old client lifting, sculpting, sweating and chatting; happily creating the 'new and improved' version of her.

At this point I need to describe what she was wearing - the reason why will become apparent in a moment. Keeping in mind that this was the age of the leg-warmer, the head-band, the leotard, tights, anything fluoro and of course, an unhealthy amount of lycra, she was clad in some down-to-the-knee tights (or do I call those leggings? Who's a bloke then?), some gym shoes, a reasonably low-cut leotard and as I was to discover, not much else. Okay, now you're interested aren't you?

So there she was, standing in front of the mirror doing her 'upright rows' with a barbell and I was observing her... form. As I do. Er, did. If you don't know what an upright row is, it's when the individual lifts a bar with an over-hand grip up under the chin and then back down to the waist region, all the time keeping the bar relatively close to the body. So my student was on her last rep when, on the down part of the movement (the eccentric phase for you geeks) she made three crucial mistakes: 1) she almost let the bar fall back down to her waist rather than lowering it in a controlled manner 2) she held the bar too close to her body and 3) as a result of 1 and 2, she got her thumb caught in her rather low-cut leotard as the bar was descending at a rapid rate.

The result? Considerable nudity. And much laughing. So there we were for a few memorable moments (time stood still), me and my semi-nude charge, her breast enjoying some fresh air, her thumb still caught in her top, the barbell nearly falling on the ground and me planning the best course of action; always the strategist. "I don't remember this in the Personal Trainer manual." I weighed up my options and thought it best that I grab the bar.

All jokes and puns aside, I was 26 years-old, pretty 'green', trying so hard to be the complete professional and business owner, and I nearly died of embarrassment. Me, not her! And I had nothing hanging out! I honestly didn't know where to look or what to do as she couldn't really put her breast back where it belonged while she was holding the bar. So in order for me to help I kind of had to get involved. Yeah, yeah, yeah... I know what you're thinking; you're wrong. Anyway, fortunately for me my client thought it was hilarious, wasn't precious about it at all and ended up making me feel better about it.

Tale Two
One day in the early 90's, I was training a new client for the first time; we'll call him Dave. Anyway, it's fair to say that Dave hadn't totally grasped the concept of effective personal hygiene management. He was the most putrid human being I've ever encountered - and I've met plenty of stinkers (I've personally completed over 40,000 PT sessions). His stench permeated every cubic inch of the gym from the moment he arrived; it literally took my breath away. In order to survive the hour, I had to learn to breath through my nose or the side of my mouth. I've been around dead things that smelled better than Dave - really. Not only did he stink like something inhuman, but he came complete with two pounds of that white crap in the corner of his mouth, a thick layer of some kind weird-ass yellow-ish muck on his tongue, breath that could seriously kill a buffalo and some of those really attractive brown sweat stains on the pits of his horrible white T-shirt. I wish I was exaggerating and I wish this wasn't for real but sadly, it's totally true.

So there I was taking Dave through his debut session, when one of my other regular clients (a bloke) walks into the gym and very diplomatically screams across the gym floor to me, "Hey Craig, what f***ing stinks in this place; did something die in your roof?" I wanted to hide under a bench press. I was so humiliated for Dave. Sadly, there was no need. He didn't have a clue that he was the source of the stink or the reason for the discussion! How on earth does that happen? There's a research project right there.

Fortunately for me and my clients, Dave never turned up for his second session. However, before he wandered off into the smelly sunset, he left me with a little 'gift' which will be forever burned into my memory. I was teaching him how to perform some regulation dumbbell curls and stupidly, I chose to stand in front of him as he did his reps. Halfway through his set, Dave (by this stage grunting and puffing) let fly with a size-able globule (a word) of slag (spit) just as I was saying something to him. You don't wanna know, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. Why should I suffer alone? Yer gotta talk about it to heal right?

It all happened in a split second. The slag left his filthy, horrible, bacteria-filled mouth and flew in a perfect arc to land right in the middle of my tongue as my mouth was open, mid-sentence. I very nearly barfed. Honestly. I walked away from him (wanted to run) without speaking and went into the bathroom and scrubbed my tongue with my toothbrush. I wanted to cut it off.

I still have nightmares. They never warned me about the 'Daves' of this world at Personal Trainer School.

As with most careers, I guess the real education takes place once you actually start the job. Apart from learning all the expected on-the-job 'normal' stuff, the last twenty years has provided me with some of the most rewarding, interesting, enjoyable, unpleasant, unbelievable, disgusting and hilarious experiences and lessons.

Before I go, here's a brief snapshot of a few more of my experiences that Personal Trainer school didn't prepare me for:

* The countless amount of testicles that make public appearances out the side of running shorts while middle-aged men stretch. Fifty year-old nuts.. no good. Running shorts.. no good either.

* My client who graciously organised for 'Miss Nude Australia' (yep, there's a competition)to 'visit' me and my shocked clients in the gym for my 30th birthday - 9am on a Monday (full gym). And, the client who organised it was a female! When I told our visitor not to strip, I had to assure her that she would still be paid.

* The inordinate amount of people who fart on the leg press. Men usually laugh. Women die. I usually gag.

* The two people that I trained who were murdered (both shot) while still clients of mine. Scary. And very sad.

* The sheer volume of tears. I have been cried on at least once a day (on average) for the last two decades. Good thing I'm waterproof. Changing a body can be a pretty emotional experience.

* The excuses. I have heard more excuses from more people than you could ever imagine. Some of them are brilliantly creative. Complete crap, but creative.

Well there it is; a little bit of my work history. I trust that you didn't find it too offensive. Feel free to share a work story that your ' job training' didn't prepare you for (keep it under a million words... and clean). Or just say hi. You know the drill.

See ya.

44 comments

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Difference Between Talking and Communicating.

Have you ever met someone who speaks fluent English but at the same time, doesn't really speak your language? They don't talk with you or to you, as much as they talk at you, over you and around you - in your general direction. They speak a language which is largely meaningless to you. Sure it's English, but overall, it doesn't really make sense. There's no connection, no real understanding and the outcome of these conversations is usually confusion, frustration, anger or boredom.

Over the years I have employed hundreds of people in my businesses. And while I always look for a range of preferred qualities, attributes and personality traits in a potential employee, the one non-negotiable skill that's always at the top of my shopping list is the ability to be able to communicate effectively. If someone ticks all the boxes - academic, appearance, experience, knowledge - but they don't tick the communication box, then they probably won't get a gig with me. The reality is that a person who isn't a great communicator won't make a good trainer (teacher, coach, mentor), unless of course, they can find a way to develop those skills.
That's the good news; these skills can be developed.

Without doubt, communication is the single most important life skill, yet amazingly, the majority of us don't consciously work at developing it. Better communication equals better relationships, and better relationships equals a better life. So why wouldn't we work at it?

Some of us bumble along making the same communication mistakes, often with the same people in the same situations for years. Whether it's at work, at home, in the classroom, at the supermarket, at church (temple, mosque), in life, in love, in conflict - our ability to communicate will invariably dictate the outcome of most conversations, situations, circumstances and experiences.

While we all speak English (readers of this site anyway), the reality is we all have our own unique language. The problem is that in typical conversation we mostly speak our language, and not necessarily the language of the person/s we're trying to communicate with. And it doesn't matter how much talking we do, if we're not speaking the same language we won't find common ground or mutual understanding, and we won't create desirable outcomes. When Johnnie (my tech-guy, business manager and resident smarty pants) talks to me about tech stuff, he has to totally modify his language so that Mr Technophobe Ignoramus (me) can understand what the heck he is trying to tell me. He often tells me something in 'Johnnie-Speak' and I just stare at him blankly.

The question I always ask myself whenever I'm about to get involved in a meeting, confrontation or general chat is, "How do I need to communicate with this (specific) person, to be understood, to understand them, and to maximise my chances of creating a good outcome?"

Just like we don't all respond optimally to the same diet, the same exercise plan or the same lifestyle philosophy, neither do we all connect with, understand, or respond well to, the same communication style.

Yet that's what most of us do. We use the same communication style in a range of settings, with a bunch of different people; different personalities, attitudes, backgrounds, beliefs and values. If I'm talking with a seventy year-old lady about an exercise plan for her and I communicate with her in the same way that I would with a twenty year-old professional athlete, she's gonna think I'm speaking some foreign language. I need to be able to communicate my thoughts and ideas speaking her language, just as you need to periodically speak the language of your boss, kid, spouse, parent or neighbour in order to create a desirable outcome and to experience meaningful communication. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't say what you think, it means say what you think, using language which is meaningful to that person.

Imagine if I wrote an article today on weight-loss and in it I used completely over-the-top scientific language and jargon. You wouldn't be educated, motivated or inspired, you'd probably be confused and think I was a big tool - because I'm not speaking your language. Even if every word was true and relevant, it wouldn't have the desired effect because there would be lots of talking (okay, writing) but no real connection or communication. No understanding.

Effective communication is about a few things:

1. Understanding - It's about genuinely trying to understand the other person and to be understood (rather than shoving your thoughts down their throat and waiting for a gap in the conversation). "Do I understand her and does she understand me?" If there's mutual understanding, there will be good communication.

2. Listening - Ironically, some of the best communicators don't actually talk that much. Some people mistake verbal diarrhoea for effective communication. We know that the vast majority of communication (93%) is non-verbal, so why do we feel compelled to talk so much? I've had many productive one hour meetings with people where I've said literally fifty words, while they've talked non-stop.

3. Making the effort to understand different people's communication style. Learn new languages. Years of working with a wide range of people has taught me that what will motivate one person (a verbal kick in the pants perhaps) might devastate and demotivate the next. Some need a smack around the head and some need an arm around the shoulder. Pity I'm so good at the head smacking thing. Oh well, arm around the shoulder it is.

4. Invest emotionally. This simply means caring about the person that you're communicating with. Caring about what they think, feel, want, need, believe. If people sense that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say, you will create instant rapport and connection. You don't need to 'love' or even agree with them, just respectfully consider their perspective.

Even with this blog I get a broad range of responses to the same post/article; the same words. One person will get inspired, one will get enlightened, one will get challenged, one will be indifferent and one will get offended. Why? Because I'm speaking one language (communication style) to a bunch of different people who all speak their own language and all live in their own version of reality. This is one of the reasons why I frequently change the type of articles I write (educational, humorous, philosophical, motivational) and the communication style that I use (conversational, academic, inflammatory, provocative).

So, if one of your goals is to become more effective at work, at home, at school, in romance, in conflict, in business - in life, then perhaps it's time for you to learn another language and to master the skill of communication, rather than the habit of talking.

* Say hi. Let us know your thoughts on this post and tell us where you're from. Just click on the comment thingy.

28 comments

Monday, January 14, 2008

Creating Your Own Performance Diary.

* Hi Groovers.
I hope that you enjoyed your weekend and that you're sliding into the New Year prepared for greatness. Or at the very least, better. Today I've taken off my rubber nose and my yellow wig for just a moment and replaced them with my 'sensible' teacher's shoes (slip-on, of course) and beige cardigan (with the wooden buttons). Today's post will be less mirth and hilarity and more practical teaching. Even I have to be grown-up and responsible sometimes. Enjoy.

Gotta admit, I've always been a fan of keeping a Performance Diary when it comes to my various goals and endeavours - be that with my body, my business or my creative projects. I expect all of the people I work with to keep a daily record too. There's something amazing about recording behaviours, results, events and milestones in a journal as we work our way towards the 'new and improved' version of us. The moment we decide to diarise our journey is the moment we increase our chances of succeeding; of creating forever results. Somehow it keeps us grounded, keeps our head in the game, helps us stay focused and committed, is an amazing tool for keeping us honest and realistic and always proves to be a great reality check - you can't argue with facts, figures and results.

My experience tells me that people who want to create their best body (whatever that means for them personally), that is, creating lasting results, are infinitely more likely to achieve their goals and maintain those results if they are more methodical and practical, and less emotional and hap-hazard with their exercise, lifestyle and eating behaviours.

I've said many times on this blog that we can't rely solely on motivation to get us to our destination, as it's temporary. What we need above the 'feeling' of motivation, is a mindset of total commitment - this is not something that fluctuates from day to day. It's what keeps us doing what we need to do even when the process is not necessarily fun, easy, exciting or 'new' any more; when the novelty and the initial rush of adrenalin have subsided. People who are genuinely committed, finish what they start because they work through the motivational peaks and troughs. When most are throwing in the towel, they are changing up a gear.

Performance Diaries are without doubt, one of the most valuable, practical and convenient 'commitment' tools available to us. Used the right way, they can be the difference between ignorance and education, doing or not doing and ultimately, success or failure.

So, if you are a person who has history of 'almost' getting stuff done, a person who has been in shape (and out of shape) two hundred times or a person who feels like you've never fulfilled your potential, then I would strongly recommend that you choose to become more practical, methodical and realistic about your chances of creating 'forever' change via the use of a Performance Diary.

How to get started with your own Performance Diary.
1. Get yourself a practical diary. One that you can take with you wherever you go. In other words, something small(ish) and convenient. It might be a proper diary, or it may just be a cheap pad that you use specifically for this purpose; doesn't really matter as long as you can write in it and read it - and it won't fall apart in two weeks. Electronic diaries are okay, but I'm kind of a fan of the old-fashioned written journal.

2. Collect some base-line data. That is, information about where you're at right now (before you start proceedings) in terms of your objectives; your current status. If we have accurate 'before' data, then we can compare it to our 'after' data (results) and gauge the effectiveness of our program (I'm secretly trying to turn you all into scientists!). In my field this usually means doing some kin

Motivational Speaker