This site is the website of motivational speaker Craig Harper. A constantly updated, one-stop information, inspiration, education and motivation station. Unlike many similar sites, it is a totally free resource for anyone who is serious about moving from mediocre to amazing in any area of their personal or professional life. With hundreds of articles covering a wide range of subject matter, great interviews with cool people and inspirational video posts, there's more than enough brain-food to keep you busy for hours. Okay, days!! Enjoy.
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Fattitude
- Craig Harper
While many books focus on food,
Craig teaches that creating life-long change is more about the
dieter, than the actual diet. This book is perfect for people who have a
history of 'almost' getting in shape.
DVD
or CD - Renovate Your Body In this entertaining presentation, Craig discusses the
notion of Renovating Your Body - once and for all. Many of us have a curious
ability to be able to get in shape for events (weddings, parties, reunions
and birthdays), if only we'd get in shape for life.
Craig Harper is Australia's leading
motivational speaker
and educator (according to Google Australia). He is a highly
sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be
a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and
professional development.
Working with hundreds of
teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations
on numerous continents over the last twenty years
has given Craig a unique insight into, and
understanding of, human performance and all its
variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire,
challenge and make people laugh all at the same
time!
Hello you crazy, wacky, kids. You high-performance, excitement machines. Waddyadoin' reading this when you should be off doing, creating and being freakin' amazing? I was going to pen something moderately entertaining, amusing and thought-provoking today, but then I thought... nah, what do they do for me? Just gaggin', been busy.
I intended to share some Craig-love, but today has been frantically busy and I have been backed into a 'no-post-for-today' corner. Did TV, radio and a two hour workshop all before 2.30pm, so I'm a tired boy right now. My fingers and the keyboard haven't been in the same room until now, so maybe instead of me inspiring you, you can inspire someone else? Yourself even? Me maybe? Sometimes life deals up a little mayhem and busy-ness, so you and I will cope, you will have an amazing weekend (that's an order), you will have some fun and learn a lesson or two, I will eat cheesecake, go to an 80's theme birthday party (happy birthday Beth), do some radio and go to the beach, and we will meet here in a day or two for a debrief, some team-bonding, a little learning and hopefully a laugh. 'Cause we can.
Enjoy your weekend, don't miss me too much and if you're doing something amazing (or mildly interesting), let me know via the comments thingy.
This might seem like an unlikely discussion coming from a bloke who has spent the best part of his (working) life owning and running gyms and helping people create their best body, but working along side thousands of people for a quarter of a century (good grief) has taught me many (many, many) lessons and reinforced many pre-existing beliefs. Lessons that some people desperately need to learn.
This message might also seem ironic coming from a bloke who was, for a while there, obsessed with building his own freaky body. I was young and dumb. Forgive me.
It's a good thing that we have the capacity to learn, adapt and change.
Some of what I've learned...
Myth:When I get in shape, everything will be okay, or at the very least, much better. Truth: An amazing body doesn't equal an amazing life. As a rule, what we look like has little or no correlation to happiness, fulfilment or the absence of problems. The media won't tell you that, but I will. Being in shape physically doesn't mean that you are emotionally or psychologically healthy. In fact, the majority of people who invest a disproportionate amount of time into their body and their appearance often have significant emotional and psychological issues (in my experience).
Myth:When I lose this weight, my self esteem will improve and I won't have the same confidence issues. Truth: Not Necessarily. Some 'beautiful' people are the most insecure because their sense of self-worth and identity comes entirely from their looks... and we all know looks are temporary.
Myth:Losing weight will 'fix' my unhealthy relationship with my partner. Truth:Nup. It may help a little, but your problems with your partner extend way beyond your butt, your gut and your bodyfat.
Myth:I will be satisfied when I reach (insert desired weight). Reality: Ain't gonna happen. Often. Most people are forever moving the goal posts. "Only ten more pounds... then I'll be happy." "Okay... just five more."
Myth:Getting in shape is essentially a physical process. Reality: Getting in shape (that is creating forever physical change) is more of an emotional and psychological journey than anything else. The physical change is a consequence of that journey. If we don't change emotionally and psychologically, we will never create lasting physical change. If the fitness industry understood this and operated from this paradigm, we would consistently see much better outcomes.
Myth:My mindset and attitude will change when I lose the weight. Reality: I will lose the weight when my mindset and attitude change.
Myth:Pretty = attractive. Reality: Some people who may not fit the stereotypical 'pretty' mould (guys and girls) are incredibly attractive. And some of the 'prettiest' people are actually quite ugly. You know what I mean.
And so... Working hard to be in good physical shape is a good thing; a healthy goal. But not when it's to the exclusion of developing 'all' of us. Not when it distracts us from who we really are, who we might become and what we might achieve beyond a six-pack and some perfect teeth. And not when it turns us into unbalanced, self-absorbed, insecure obsessives.
We are multi-dimensional, wonderful, amazing, complex creatures; not one-dimensional bodies. We are much more than a bunch of muscles, bones, fat, organs and facial features. Much more than an image. More than something to look at. If success, significance, influence or happiness was dependant on being physically attractive, I'd be one very unsuccessful, insignificant, miserable puppy!
Over the years I have watched many people turn a healthy endeavour (getting in shape) into an unhealthy, even destructive obsession and I have never met one single person who is obsessed with their appearance... and happy. Not one in all the thousands.
I wake up with a jolt. My eyes are still shut but I have an awareness of light in the room. An abundance of it. Brilliant, almost blinding light. For a moment I'm not sure where I am, what time it is, or even what day it is. I can't really remember what I did last night. I'm guessing alcohol was involved. Of course. Still working on that. I half open one eye and reluctantly peek out of my nocturnal fortress. Sunlight is streaming through the window. How rude. I think God has turned up the volume. Or should that be brightness? I wish I had a gigantic dimmer switch so I could turn down the intensity a bit. I shut my eye.
Am I dreaming? I pull the hairs on my arm. Nope, definitely awake. I feel weird. Disconnected somehow.
I sneak a peek at my surroundings. Yep, it's my room alright... but it seems different. Something's not right, but I don't know what. I'm slightly uneasy.
I pull my arm hairs again. Yep, still awake. Not a dream. I look at the clock and it says midnight. Exactly. I open both eyes wide. Yep, 12.00am.
It can't be, there's sun streaming through the window. Did someone relocate me to Antarctica while I slept? I shut my eyes and lie there for a few minutes knowing that things will be different when I open them again. Cautiously, I open my eyes. So much for my theory.
I'm weirded out. I sneak another peak at the clock. Still says midnight. My heart rate increases a little. I check that the clock is plugged in. It is.
I glance at the floor and see a newspaper. I often read the day's news as I drift off into la-la land. The sight of the paper makes me feel a little more relaxed. Some normality. Nice.
But wait, the front page doesn't look familiar. I don't remember that headline. Hey, I've never seen this paper before. I feel slightly anxious. This is stupid. Is someone playing a prank on me? This time I pull my leg hairs. Pain is the result.
I swing my legs over the side of the bed and heave my tired self into an almost upright position. It seems much harder than normal. I feel so heavy and old. I pick up the paper in an attempt to find something familiar in all this weirdness. I try and read the front page but it makes no sense; just a lot of meaningless words. It's in English, but it's mumbo-jumbo to me. I look at the date, it says November. Well at least I got that right; I know it's Christmas next month.
I continue to read. It says November... 2012!!! What? My slight anxiety has now escalated to full-blown panic. "This is not funny", I yell to nobody in particular. "Cut this shit out, I know it's 2007 - I'm not that stupid" I share with... the furniture in my room. There is no reply. Of course.
I am alone in my panic. I feel fear like never before. An overwhelming a sense of helplessness. I don't like the feeling at all. A person can't just lose five years. Can they? It can't be 2007 one day and then 2012 the next.
I try and convince myself that I'm hallucinating. I pride myself on my logic, my problem solving skills. "I'm imagining this", I tell myself with very little certainty. It doesn't work; I can feel the very real heat of the sun coming through the window.
The midnight sun!
All of a sudden I have an awareness of my body. I feel different. I look down at my stomach and I get a shock. It's huge. Yesterday I was simply chubby, now I'm massive. I stand up and I can feel the weight. My back hurts. So do my knees. I can hear myself wheezing. I've never heard that before.
I walk tentatively to the mirror. I am too scared to look. My heart is racing and I'm getting short of breath. I cover my face with my hand and peek at an unfamiliar reflection through my fingers. My fat fingers. I start with the ankles and work my way up slowly. I don't recognise what I see; it's like my body but much fatter. As I move from the fat stomach, to the chest and shoulder region, I slow down. I have man-boobs. I am ugly. I am scared to look at my face. I pause and I feel a single tear roll down my cheek. Normally I wouldn't let myself cry but right now, I don't care. I shut both eyes, take a big breath and remove my hand from my face. I count silently to three and open my eyes.
What I see is shocking. This can't be. I'm not in a movie. I'm staring at a fat, old version of me. My face looks like it's been inflated with a bicycle pump, my neck is huge and I have wrinkles around my eyes. So many wrinkles. I look at my teeth, they are a shade of yellow. "Still smoking then", I say out loud. I am repulsed by my own image.
My heart sinks, I feel sadness like never before and the tears flow freely. I stand there in silence, staring at my enormous self and wonder what I've done. Or perhaps, not done. If the newspaper is right, I'm only five years older but it looks more like twenty.
I stand there for what seems like an eternity, wondering where my life, my body, my potential and my future have gone. My friend always tells me that procrastination is the thief of time. I hate how practical and honest she is. And how right she is.
Sure, I put things off a bit and make a few excuses, but could this have really happened? Could my inability to make a decision and get off my ass really cost me a big slab of my life? In desperation, I slap myself in the face. Hard. I'm definitely awake. Awake and now, in pain. Definitely no dream. More tears. I am overwhelmed with a range of emotions but one dominates; shame. I feel ashamed of what I've become. I don't know how I got here, but I'm here. What a waste. I amble back to my bed. I sit there and stare out the window. The sun seems less intense. Maybe my eyes have adjusted.
I am floating aimlessly in my own self-pity when I am jolted back into reality by a noise. A real noise; the phone is ringing. The phone!!! Any hope of this being some kind of out of body-mind experience disappears completely. I'm excited.. yet scared to pick it up. What if it confirms what I don't want to know? I put my hand on the receiver and hesitate. I have no idea who might be on the other end or why they might be calling.
Maybe this will provide some answers. I pick up the receiver and pause before I put it to my ear. "Er, hello?" "Where are you?" The unhappy voice sounds familiar but I'm confused. "Who is this?" "Stop being a dickhead and get down here, we've got two trucks to unload and you're late".
I think it's my boss from five years ago on the other end but he sounds different. Older maybe.
"I know this sounds stupid, but can you please tell me what year this is", I ask politely. "Moron." Click. He's gone.
I look at the clock... 12.00am Of course. Wait a minute, if that was my old boss and this really is 2012, then that means.... My heart sinks. Surely I'm not still working in that horrible warehouse, that was only supposed to be for three months. I was meant to go back to college and get that degree. I've filled out the forms and everything. I was meant to open my own business. I was meant to do so much.
I walk to the window to see if my car is in the driveway. It is. It's old too. It's faded, rusted and has flat tyres. Looks like it hasn't run in years. It's a mechanical version of me.
As I stand there in my fat body, looking at my broken car, with the words of my angry boss ringing in my ear, I wonder what became of the young enthusiastic man with the dreams, the plans and the talent. I wonder where the years have gone. I walk back to the mirror. I stare some more. Humiliated. Devastated. Broken. This wasn't my plan.
If only I could have those years back.
*The saddest thing about this story is that for many people, it (or a story just like it) will become their reality over the next five years. Not a fable, but a biography. Every day that we don't use what we've been given is another day wasted. And by the way, don't ask me about the time on the clock... figure it out for yourself.
It must be morning; I'm hungry. Then again, I'm always hungry, so it could really be any time. I can hear the shower and feel the sun on my back, so I'm guessing the Boss is awake. I lift my head off my bed and look down the passage. I want a shower too. Sometimes I try and get in but he won't let me. Boring. He's not so happy in the mornings any more. He used to be, but things have changed. I think it's stress.
Not really sure what that is, but I know it's not good. It's a human thing. I've heard him talk about it on the phone. Don't really know what a phone is either, but I know they're good to chew. Chewing's one of my favourite things.
In the old days we wrestled every morning. He'd pull my ears and I'd jump on his head. These days, not so much. Before he went to work, we'd play ball. After work too. He'd throw, I'd fetch. He'd throw, I'd fetch. Forever. What an amazing game. Such fun. He'd laugh and talk human. I'd growl. I'd laugh if I could. Mostly, I'd just wag my tail. I think it's sad that humans don't have tails. Sometimes he'd lose focus, so I would nudge him. Maybe a little nip on the hand just to keep his head in the game. How much fun can one Golden Retriever and one human have?
But lately he seems grumpy.
Sometimes, I wonder if he still loves me. I lick him anyway because he's my favourite human in the world. I get so excited to see him. When he hugs me, my tail wags all by itself. I wonder why my kisses don't make him happy like they used to.
In the good old days, we would walk to the park every day. We'd hang out with other dogs and humans. I mostly played with Kelvin the fat Labrador and the Boss would laugh with Kelvin's human; a female who smelled like vanilla. I licked her once. She didn't taste so good. We don't walk together much these days. And when we do, he talks on the phone. I hate that phone. I'm gonna eat it when he's not looking.
I liked it more when we lived in the first house. The little one. Three houses ago. He played with me the most in that house. I loved that place. He was happier and he didn't yell at me for getting on the couch. Or chewing his shoes. We used to watch TV together on the couch every night. Well, I slept, he watched.
He would rest his hand on my head. I like that.
Now we live in a big house, with a big stupid couch. A stupid couch for humans only. Not dogs. I don't like the big house or the big couch. He makes me stay down on the stupid slippery polished floor boards.
The other day I slid into the table and hurt my nose. Stupid floor boards.
When I was puppy we used to go everywhere together. We would both ride in the old station wagon and I would put my head out the window. Or on his lap. It was the most fun ever. I don't know why humans don't do it. Head out the window, that is. Don't they know?
No more head out the window action for me these days though. Mr Serious has a new fancy schmancy car. Apparently, it's a dog-free zone too. On the rare occasion that I do get a ride, I have to lie on three blankets. And no wind in my face. What's the point of that? Like having a bone you can't chew. Stupid.
We used to go to the beach every weekend in that old station wagon. We surfed together. Well, he surfed, I chased seagulls, played in the waves and rolled in the sand. He liked talking to the girl humans who wanted to play with me. They only talked to him because I was there. Sometimes he got kisses but I always got more. On the way home I would put my wet, sandy, hairy body on the front seat and he was happy I was next to him. I loved that car too. Those were the days. We haven't done that since I was four. Five years ago.
Too busy apparently. Too busy being successful and important to have fun with me. Glad I'm not successful, it doesn't look like much fun.
But I'm so adorable, I don't understand why he doesn't miss me. In fact, I don't really understand him sometimes. He's meant to be smarter than me but lately, I'm not so sure. I know I'm just a dog and I don't really understand a lot of human stuff, but I do know about fun and happiness.
He's rarely happy these days. And he's always too tired to do anything. Even when I pull his sleeve. Or lick his face. If he got rid of the stupid slippery floor, the dumb couch, the dumb car and played with me more, then he would be happy. Me too.
I used to sleep on the end of his bed. Used to. (heavy sigh) But now he has a new dog-free bed too. Of course. It's expensive and apparently I moult. Whatever that means. I hate that bed. I chew the legs when he's not around.
Next year we're moving to another house. A bigger one. Maybe that will make him happy. Hope so. Doubt it though. If I could speak, I'd tell him that too. I don't get the big house thing; there's only him and me. Us dogs don't really care how big our kennel is, we just want to be near our human.
Anyway, I'm very excited about today. I'm gonna hang out with Charlie for a while. He's my buddy from over the fence. We made a hole so we can visit each other. I'm not really sure what kinda dog he is, but it doesn't matter. He's pretty smart but not quite as handsome as me. We do fun stuff together every day.
Mostly we chase birds. I hate those birds. And we chew old lady Jacobs' laundry baskets. We've eaten three of them.
Baskets not birds.
Then I might lie in the sun. And chew my foot for a while. I might have a power-nap too. Chasing birds makes me tired.
I reckon the Boss should lie in the sun with me. And chew his foot for a while. It's relaxing. It might help with his stress.
Whatever that is.
*Share your thoughts on this post and tell us where you're from.
Hello you crazy, wacky, funsters. I trust that your week is going well and that in between your bouts of 'amazing', you're finding your 'off' switch.
I need to apologise in advance for the audio on today's videos... we had a few production issues and let's just say that the boy Spielberg is in no immediate danger. It's kind of crappy sound for the first minute or so but it improves a little.
Today we take a look at some great ideas to train your body with little or no equipment. You don't need barbells, cables or machines to work a muscle effectively, that's for sure. Big thanks to the lovely Sarah who demonstrated the exercises for me. She's not quite as pretty as me but good try anyway Sarah!
* Today will be a refresher for some of you. When it comes to creating real change (as in, never the same) in our life, it's my opinion that many of us are still complicating the simple and barking up the wrong self-help tree. So to speak.
The fact that you're reading this tells me that there are things in your life, your world, your reality that you want, or need to change. No biggie... just makes you normal. I want the same.
You wouldn't spend the time you do immersing yourself in literature like this, if you didn't want different (better, more, less) in one or more areas of your life. And while we all want it, read about it, talk about it, think about it and maybe even plan for it (our own version of amazing that is), it seems that the vast majority of us (us the society) don't actually create it. Don't believe me?
Take a look around. Not a cursory glance, but a long hard realistic look at the majority of the population. Frustrated, unfulfilled, unhealthy, out of shape, in debt, periodically miserable. Not everyone (of course) and not always... but often!
A couple of days ago we spoke about the fact (okay, I spoke) that we consumers are constantly being bombarded with an ever-increasing range of Personal Development information and 'change-your-life' options... yet here we are (I'm referring to the collective 'we' again) all these 'lessons' later, still doing the same dumb crap, producing the same undesirable results. Every day. Most of us are not living our optimal life. And not because we can't, but because we don't build it.
I know people who have been coming to this site every day for over a year, and in all that time they've changed nothing. They want to, but they haven't. Apparently it's a timing thing.
"Love the info Craig, just not doing anything with it right now... but soon"
Er, okeydoke.
So I thought that maybe I should write another one of those complex five hundred page mind-bending self-help books, complete with heaps of research, lots of stats, a few graphs, some quirky quotes, a few inspirational pictures, a bunch of psycho-babble and maybe I would cap it all off with some impressive interviews with over-qualified people who speak a language that you and I don't understand. Okay, maybe that's just me.
Or perhaps I'll just write a post. Yep, post it is. No graphs, stats, quotes, interviews or psycho-babble and definitely not five hundred pages.
In my work, I use an effective step-by-step process when I'm coaching people to help them create their best life. Yes, we've covered some of this before but a little timely revision seems to be in order.
It ain't rocket science but it works. And we want simple and effective. And free! Can't argue with that price huh?
Here's the five-minute version:
1. Decide if you are genuinely prepared to do what's necessary to change. Some people crash and burn right here. I have sent many people home (from my office) because they were simply not emotionally and mentally ready to do what was necessary. They wanted the results without the journey. The change process is regularly uncomfortable... are you ready for that? I'm not talking about riding a short-term burst of motivation here, I'm talking about implementing forever practical, behavioural change and doing what needs to be done consistently. I'm talking about your life, not the next month. Too many people get in shape for the wedding... but not for life. And give up smoking... fifteen times. That's not 'different'... that's a temporary behavioural change.
2. Find yourself an accountability partner. This is not (always) necessary, but often a good idea. Your accountability partner may be a friend or someone a little more professional like a coach, trainer, mentor or psychologist. We all need a little support, encouragement, feedback, honesty and direction. Don't choose someone who will tell you what you want to hear, choose someone who will tell you what you need to hear. Sometimes we need a cheer squad... other times we need an ass-kicker. The voice of reason.
3. Get clarity about what you do and don't want. If you can't define it, you probably won't create it. Be specific. Vague doesn't create momentum. If you're not positive about what you want, step back from your reality for a while and gain some perspective. Step out of your busy-ness and find some space to think. If you're still struggling... start by identifying what you don't want in your life, and work from there. If you don't do this, you'll wake up in five years and still be living an existence you don't enjoy or want. Seen it too many times.
4. Some honest self-assessment. Identify what's held you back in the past. Time for some honesty and humility. Don't beat yourself up, just be realistic about how you handicap you. You will always be your biggest obstacle to success and I will be mine. Sometimes we need to learn to get out of our own way!! If you don't address the things which have limited you previously, all the planning, dreaming and hoping will amount to nothing... and you'll fall into the same unproductive traps. Be honest, be realistic, be practical and don't be precious. Typically, things like laziness, procrastination, fear, lack of organisation, ignorance, pride, stubbornness, lack of planning and poor preparation are high on the 'why we fail' list. Remember: If nothing changes, nothing changes. And... if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. But you know that. So let's do different to get different.
5. Make some significant decisions. Yep, it's time. You know the ones. The ones you've avoided for too long. The ones you need to make but don't necessarily want to. Not the fluffy, which-socks-will-I-wear-today decisions... but those big-ass, I'm-gonna-change-my-life-no-matter-what.. decisions.
6. Set specific goals around those decisions. We all have an intellectual understanding of what goal setting is and how the process works but my experience tells me that most people don't have a day-to-day application of it in their lives. Sure, they have a vague wish-list but are they practical and productive goal setters?... Nup. Many people stumble along the path of under-achievement their whole lives waiting for success to happen to them. Dumb plan. Behavioural goals: I will walk to work three days per week. I will reduce my coffee to two cups per day. Health goals: I will lose 10kgs (22lbs) over the next ten weeks. Career or financial goals: I will open my own business within two years. I will pay off my credit card by March. Lifestyle goals: I will take a minimum of four weeks holiday annually. Family goals: I will spend X time with my kids every week. Fitness/sporting goals: I will complete a half marathon within six months. Personal development goals: I will read one book per month and do four workshops per year. You've got the idea... Specific, measurable and time-based goals work best. They keep us accountable and pro-active.
7. Create a plan. Now that you know where you want to go, you need to figure out how you'll get there. You won't accidentally succeed. Commitment, determination and positive attitude are important, but if you don't have a map, you'll never arrive at your desired destination. Many people fail simply because they are dis-organised and haven't planned appropriately. Passion is valuable but it needs to be wrapped around an intelligent practical plan to create real change.
8. Take action and keep taking action. Talk less, do more. Doers succeed. Do something (big or small) today which will get you closer to where you want to be. Make a phone call. Buy some runners. Make an appointment. Go for a jog. Clean the junk food out your pantry. Fix a broken relationship (you know the one). Start reading food labels. Enrol in a course. Buy a diary. Get uncomfortable. Take a chance. Do it again tomorrow.
9. Improvise, adapt, overcome, deal with set-backs Often the most successful people are simply the ones who deal most effectively with the hurdles, obstacles and challenges... "It's not what happens that matters, it's how we react (choose, communicate, act, cope, manage) that matters." Two people go through the same experience: One says, "I gave it a shot and I failed." The other says, "okay, so that didn't work, I think I'll try it this way." One labels a particular experience 'a failure', the other calls it 'a lesson'. One steps up to the plate and grows, develops and learns.. the other spirals into an emotional, woe-is-me, self-destructive tail-spin. Perspective can make or break us. Reactions can make or break us. Don't talk yourself into failure.
10. Finish what you start The number one reason we don't achieve what we set out to is we don't finish what we start. It's not a talent, opportunity or timing issue... it's a 'perseverance' issue. We are a collective of people who are constantly starting and stopping things. Consistency is the key. Why don't most people who join gyms achieve their goals? They don't go. They start but they don't finish. Even when the motivation wears off (and it will) do it anyway. Even when it ain't fun (and it won't be sometimes) do it anyway. When others throw in the towel, you stay committed. If you want to be like everybody else, do what they do. If you want to be exceptional, do exceptional things. Persevere. Get the job done.
Okay, we're done. See how simple that was? Even I understood it.
Enjoy your day, leave a comment and tell us where you're from.
Have you ever bought something only to discover down the track that you didn't actually get what you thought you were buying... that you've been well and truly scammed? Of course you have. Me too. We all have.
"But with these pills I'm meant to lose 14 pounds in 14 days... without getting off the couch!!"
"Hey, isn't this phone supposed to do neck massage, make a cappuccino... and land the Space Shuttle?"
The advertising and the hype just didn't match the product. Companies constantly over-promise and under-deliver... it's an age-old trick called 'selling stuff'! "Oh... you want a steering wheel with that car Mr Harper... well, that's an option"
Don't let the facts get in the way of a good story!
Well, this happens in the world of Personal Development too. Shock, horror. I know it's hard to believe that someone might actually care more about telling you what you want to hear, or making money than helping you... but try and get your head around it. Crazy concept I know. Am I doing the sarcasm thing again? Sorry.
Sure, there are some amazing, genuine people out there who are doing their best to 'be the change'... and then there are those who are peddling lies or at the very least, half truths.
Too many 'wanna-be experts' espouse messages that are misleading, unrealistic, impractical and potentially dangerous. Good for selling books, not so good for creating real-life results... forever change. In a culture which is desperate for a shortcut (we are the quick-fix generation) it's easy to sell lies because so many of us don't wanna buy the truth... it's not nearly as attractive. We spend millions every day on weight-loss products because we get sucked in by terms like 'quick, easy, fast and painless'... and we continue to get fatter... because all that crap doesn't work!!
"Yep, I'm gonna get me some o' those sevenminute abs!!"
Good luck with that.
It's true, we are an incredibly gullible society, desperate to find an easy way rather than discovering the most effective way. We don't need more 'success' theories or shortcuts, we need practical, proven, common sense, results-based strategies. More reality, less fluff. More honesty, less razzle-dazzle.
For how much longer will we continue to complicate the simple? Re-invent the Self Help wheel? Go around in ever-expanding Personal Development circles? How many different ways can we say the same thing? If we were to believe some people, it's a wonder that any of us achieved anything before they arrived on the Personal Development landscape with their new 'success' systems and programs.
Lucky us.
Call me crazy, call me old-fashioned... but I (stupidly) still embrace some of those wacky archaic notions like self-control, discipline, planning, determination, focus, passion, commitment and hard work. I know, I'm out of date. So out of touch. Hardwork... there's a term you won't see in any advertising literature... can't sell that!
The reality is that creating our best life and fulfilling our potential will always involve a level of pain, discomfort, blood, sweat, tears and commitment. But try and find those facts on the front of a Self-Help book or in the advertising for any Personal Development program.
I won't get too specific about books, programs or individuals (I have an aversion to litigation) but let's just say that you would be well advised to question, explore and consider for yourselves before you buy into someone else's (version of) reality, success or change.
I always tell my audiences "don't believe me... simply listen, consider what I say and then judge for yourself. See if something that I say resonates within you." You need to find your own truth among the ever-increasing mountain of Personal Development information.
Is it possible to create amazing, mind-blowing outcomes in our life? Absolutely. Is it quick, easy, simple and painless? Typically not. Is it worth making the effort? Absolutely.
I'm at the front of the queue when it comes to encouraging people to create their own amazing life... relationships, health, career, finances, happiness, fun. And while I believe that most of us are exploding with talent and potential and can do and achieve amazing things, I am also passionate about teaching people the realistic, no-frills, this-is-what-really-works approach to creating their best life.
I care about what happens when the 'Guru' leaves town, the hype and the 'motivation' have died down, you're not 'in state', you're not 'in the zone', your back is a bit sore, the kids are screaming, the bills are mounting and the emotional impact of the workshop, the book, the seminar, the DVD or the CD has long gone. Creating forever change ain't about moments of motivation and inspiration... and it ain't about books, programs or even this website; it's about what youdo over the course of a lifetime!!!
A few of my favourite(?) lies:
The lie: You deserve it. The truth: You earn it, you create it, you work for it.
The lie: If you can conceive it, you can achieve it. The truth: Not always. I can picture myself running a hundred metres in nine seconds all I want... but it ain't gonna happen. I can picture myself being a rock star in front of 50,000 screaming fans... but sadly, no chance - it also takes some talent. It's great to visualise and create a mental picture, it's also wise to be practical and realistic.
The lie: Motivation will get you there. The truth: It won't, motivation comes and goes. It's about commitment - that's what keeps us going when the motivation is absent. It's about being totally emotionally invested into that endeavour so that even when you don't 'feel like it', you're still doing what you needtodo to create your desired outcomes. When most people have thrown in the towel, you persevere.
The lie: If it's meant to be, the Universe will deliver it to you. The truth: That's crap. The Universe doesn't give a shit about you. As I've said before, the traditional concept of destiny is the refuge of the weak. It's for lazy, fearful people who don't wanna get off their ass and take charge of their own life. Some people would have you believe that your future is some pre-determined event that you happen to be an unwilling participant in. Enjoy that reality... the rest of us will be over here creating our own amazing future.
The lie: This book, program, CD, DVD, website... will change your life. The truth:You will change your life.
Ever noticed how some people seem to be allergic to having their own opinion? I call this conditionOpinion-itis.
We see it in families, friendships, the work place, schools, the media, sporting clubs, political parties... pretty much everywhere. Well maybe they do have an opinion, but for whatever reason... they don't or won't share it.
Sure, there are times to share and times not to share an opinion. And yes, we need to exercise wisdom, timing and care with how and when we express our thoughts and ideas, but there comes a point (you've been there) when we have to speak our mind no matter how comfortable, easy, convenient or popular that opinion will be. If we don't, we start to lose our identity, our individuality; us. We continue to be a pawn in someone else's game. A 'yes' man. Woman.
They say it's nice to be nice... well sometimes it's stupid. Sometimes it's destructive. Sometimes it's better to be honest. Not rude, argumentative, critical or offensive... just honest. Constructive not destructive. There are ways of sharing an opinion (even if it's not one the receiver wants to hear) without being insulting or creating World War 3. A little short-term pain for some long-term gain.
So who are these seemingly opinion-less people? 1. People who want to keep the peace... "I don't wanna make waves" 2. People who are intimidated by someone else - parent, spouse, boss, coach and are too afraid to share their thoughts. 3. People who have 'learned' that having an opinion or independent thought is a waste of time - not something which will be respected or considered. 4. People whose desire to be liked and accepted is greater than their desire to be heard and respected. 5. People who feel it's not in their best short-term interest to tell the other person what they really think... telling your boss he's a tool (for example) may not always be a great strategy!
What are the long term consequences of not expressing your opinion? 1. Frustration, misery, sadness, resentment, anger. 2. A loss of identity. 3. An existence of compromise. 4. Unfulfilled potential. 5. Unhealthy relationships. 6. Constant mis-communication.
One of my biggest challenges as a speaker, writer and coach has been overcoming an inbuilt desire that I've had since I was a kid to 'please everyone' (an impossible notion). I always knew that it was stupid but I tried nonetheless until I was nearly thirty. Sad really. Didn't work. Please learn quicker than I did.
I realised pretty early in my speaking career (okay, coulda been earlier!) that I couldn't be true to myself (beliefs, values and philosophies) and keep everyone happy. So I had to accept that there would always be a percentage of people who would disagree with my thoughts and ideas and be critical of me. When I realised and truly accepted this fact, I became a better communicator and teacher because I wasn't constantly concerned about offending... I just knew I would!! I still exercise wisdom and discernment but I won't compromise what I believe to be the truth.
Too many teachers, motivators and coaches tell people what they want to hear. And while it might make some people feel better in the short term, it's actually a handicap in the long term because they avoid the truth. Too many people who call themselves leaders aren't; they are insecure, attention-seeking, people pleasers.
When not to speak your mind: When you're in the middle of an emotional, volatile situation (argument, confrontation) is notusually the best time to share your thoughts on certain matters. Sometimes good, often not. Expecting someone who's not in a place (mentally and emotionally) to listen to and genuinely consider your opinion (especially when it's something they don't wanna hear), is wishful thinking on your part. Note: There are also situations and circumstances where it may never be 'the right time' to share your thoughts because it can only result in a negative outcome for you. Dealing with an individual who is completely unreasonable, irrational or potentially violent requires a whole different set of rules and quite often we are wise to remove ourselves from that situation or circumstance, rather than try and 'educate' someone who really doesn't care what we think.
When and how to speak your mind: Assuming that the goal in sharing your opinion is to create positive change in a situation (not to offend someone or perpetuate an argument), it is often wise to be strategic (rather than reactive or impulsive) in terms of when, where and how you lay your cards on the table. Blurting out something which has been bothering you for three years while you're at the family picnic may not be the wisest choice. Planning, preparation and timing are crucial when it comes to the big stuff.
YOUR opinion is important. If you've never been told, I'm telling you... your opinion is important. If you don't know that, then learn it. No, this is not feel-good, self-help fluff; this is truth. Your opinion only becomes unimportant when youlet others devalue it. Don't let them. This doesn't mean you'll always be right... but right or wrong, your are entitled to an opinion, just as you are entitled to apologise or change your mind when you 'learn' another truth.
Having an opinion is not necessarily about right or wrong, it's more about freedom of expression, individuality and being you... not a replica of someone else. Too many of us live a life we didn't choose or desire because we are too afraid to speak up.
Hello Groovers. Another week slides by and I have had an obscene amount of fun. Again. Sometimes I feel a little guilty that I get paid to do fun stuff and hang out with cool people. I'll continue to deal with the guilt though. Trooper.
Have you done 'amazing' this week? Had some fun? You promised me (and you) that you would... remember? Made some different decisions? Communicated differently? Stopped sabotaging yourself? Stepped away from your safety net?
Or are you still in that 'holding pattern'? Waiting for the magical (and mysteriously elusive) 'right time'? Waiting schmaiting. Start doing. It's much more fun.
Some random thoughts and updates before you watch today's video-post.
1. A few weeks ago I wrote a post about 'Danny', a great bloke who is in desperate need of some massive change in his life. His story generated lots of feedback and support. Thanks for that. Well, the good news is that Boy Wonder has made a decision. Yep, he's training with one of my trainers (Adam) twice a day - ten sessions a week!! He's been doing that for nearly two weeks, has lost some weight, is in a much better head space, has made a commitment, is creating some real momentum and he's doing well - good work Dan. He knows it ain't about two weeks (it's about life)... so we will be cheering him on all the way and keeping you updated. Go Dan!
2. We will be booking a venue for our Renovate Your Life program in the next two weeks, so finally(!) we will be able to give you a date, venue and definite cost for our two day live-in program. If you are interested in reserving a place and spending two days with me, the bald man and some of our amazing team, email Johnnie your details and he will save you a place. Or two. And no, this does not obligate you... but we need a reasonably accurate idea of numbers - so don't reserve a place unless you're kinda sure.
3. Picked up a new speaking gig this week... in Fiji! Yep, tough life... having to fly to a tropical island to do a whole forty five minutes work!!! I think I may have to spend a few days recovering there. It's a living.
4. Periodically (okay, often) a typo (spelling mistake) will slip under the radar here at craigharper.com. I often miss them when I'm re-reading my own stuff... and although I love the bald man, he is the second worst proof reader in the world. So, if you find a typo and you have the energy, please click on the comment thingy at the bottom of that particular post, and let us know. Thanks! Don't even bother with the grammar... just the spelling.
5. If there's something you would particularly like me to write on... lemme know. If I can, I will.
Enjoy your weekend and the video... it's ridiculous as usual. If you're looking for some quality education and inspiration, this week's effort definitely ain't it!!
Group Hug ( ) - it's been a while... don't wantcha to feel neglected.
Sometimes I feel like I must have missed that group-memo coming into adulthood regarding the age-fun, inverted-correlation mandate. You know the one. The one that stipulates that as we age we are required to have proportionately less and less fun; also known as the Progressive Misery Theory. As a keen observer of human behaviour, I'm beginning to think that maybe there actually was such a memo.
So glad I missed it.
Have you ever noticed how boring, intense, predictable, grumpy and 'unfun' (a word) some grown-ups are lately? If any of you ever see me being that unpleasant, feel free to slap me.
"But Craig (said in a whiney, annoying voice) you don't understand my life, issues, problems, history, relationships, situation." "Yes, you are indeed unique to humanity, nobody has ever faced the adversity that you have.. . of course you should revel in your misery... if anyone rightfully deserves to be unhappy, it's you!! "
Please don't trip over my sarcasm as you walk through this post but I am sick of grumpy, miserable, Energy Vampires rationalising and justifying their perpetual long face and woe-is-me-ness.
Their shoulders must be so sore from carrying the world around.
Well, I dounderstand that people with terminal illnesses can, and do have fun (seen it)... and I do know that children living in poverty can play games and laugh every day (seen that too), and I do know that eighty year-olds can be fit, fun, positive, productive and amazing (seen it)... and I do know that quadriplegics can (amazingly) be more productive and have more fun without the use of their limbs because they make that choice (seen it).... so my theory is that there's a definite likelihood that your 'lack' of fun is less about your situation, circumstance or age and more about your shitty attitude.
Excuse my honesty. How dare I tell you what I think and what you don't wanna hear. Feel free to dislike me. Get in the (rather long) queue.
Ever noticed how some people always seem to have much more fun than most? Just lucky I guess. Or maybe because they choose fun. I've chosen fun.
There's a notion: fun is a choice.
Lately I feel like I've spent far too much time with, and around, the funpolice... those grumpy, judgemental, opinionated old farts who peer down their nose at anyone who isn't like them; mind-numbingly boring, miserable and predictable. They even justify their unpleasant disposition....
"You wouldn't understand adversity if it hit you on the head... back in my day.."
Whatever Grumps. Er, Gramps.
Here's another notion: it is possible to be mature, responsible, professional, intelligent, productive... and to have a truck-load of fun on a regular basis. It's also possible to do this at anyage.
By the way, 'fun' is healing. Money isn't. Neither are possessions.
I find it frustrating and sad that so many people seem to rationalise their behaviour because of their age. I am 45, 55, 65, 75... therefore I should do certain things, and not do others.
"We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing" How true.
Over the years I have run many camps and live-in personal and professional development programs for people of all ages... and to give ourselves a break from the cerebral 'classroom' stuff, we throw ourselves into some fun-based activities, challenges and games. Planned silliness. I gotta tell ya... people of all ages love games. And fun. And laughing their guts out. Get out a volleyball, football, basketball tug-of-war rope and watch people's eyes light up.
Following the games, physical challenges and activities (not the reason they came on the program by the way) people always come to me and say something like... "that's the most fun I've had in years..." When I suggest that they should invest more energy in 'fun' (games, silliness) and make it a regular part of their life, it's like they have a revelation! Yep, fun; you should give it a go... it's quite enjoyable."
Every day I give Johnnie (my right hand man) a hug. Every day he protests. He never reciprocates. I am relentless. Every day we wrestle (physically) as I do my best to share some 'Harper' love. He resists, tells me I'm an idiot and we laugh. He pretends he hates it... but he loves the love.
Sometimes I sneak up behind him. Inappropriate, silly behaviour. Fun.
A little spontaneous (or planned if you must) silliness is somewhat liberating. And healthy. It's been suggested that, for a person in my position, my behaviour is periodically juvenile and inappropriate.
Well, to all those old farts... I'd rather be inappropriate than YOU!
Last Saturday six hundred of my closest friends and I got together for a chat at the NetworkConvention (Annual Fitness Industry Shindig) here in sunny (drought-stricken) Melbourne. Well I spoke, they listened. Being the insecure only-child with a constant need for attention, that worked well.
"I'll stand up here and you all look at me for ninety minutes... okay?"
Perfect. We had a great time, lots of fun.
Seriously, the people from Network (Nigel and Lisa Champion) put on an amazing two days of education and inspiration for two thousand (or so) of Australia's information-hungry fitness professionals. Well done team.
While I really enjoyed presenting and no-one threw stuff at me (always a good sign), it was the trip into the city on my scooter which provided the comic relief and inspiration for my morning.
So there I was at seven thirty in the am, perched at an intersection waiting to turn onto Beach Road (the main road running along the Beach and into the city here in Melbourne) to head into the conference. I was sitting at the lights lost in my own thoughts when all of a sudden I became aware of a presence... no, not a poltergeist; a bloke on a mountain bike had pulled up along side me. Three feet away. Coulda touched him.
Game face on... waiting for the green signal. Like an Olympian waiting for the starters gun. Focused. Committed. And dressed atrociously. Didn't matter... it's all about function. I actually laughed in my helmet, he looked so funny. (No, he didn't hear me).
Here's the picture: Chubby guy, maybe thirty five years old and twenty kilos (44lbs) overweight. Ten year-old bike (at least) accessorised with one of those white and yellow foam helmets from the eighties strapped too tightly around his unshaven cheeks. Kind of like a chubby Adam Sandler.
Some twenty five year-old sneakers providing a home to two lovely brown business socks! A sweat-stained grey training-shirt, not quite covering the totality of his ample tummy. Some too-small black track pants revealing some pretty significant (and hairy) calves and just a hint of ass-crack. Nice. Classy.
All in all, quite the picture. So glad I hadn't eaten.
I looked over at him. He looked back. I gave the obligatory head nod. As us hard-core(!) scooter riders do. He looked back, smiled and opened his mouth to speak.
'He's up for a chat', I thought.
I lifted up the visor on my helmet.
"G'day Mate". "G'day." "How's the scooter go?" "Yeh, pretty well." "That's what I need; a motor." "You're doing okay." "I'm givin' it a crack anyway.." "In training for something?" "Yep, gettin' married in six weeks." "How's the progress?" "Great, lost six kilos (13lbs) in three weeks so far." "Good for you man, that's awesome."
He certainly was 'giving it a crack' and he turned out to be a really nice guy.
Just then the lights turned green and a large group of cyclists (all on their five thousand dollar road bikes and clad in the obligatory lycra) sped through the Beach Road intersection heading into the city also. Lance Armstrong (my new friend) and I pulled away from the lights and the funniest thing ever happened... Lance decided that he would attach himself to the back of the peloton (bunch of cyclists) and ride with them!!
This was amusing for all kinds of reasons... but here are my top five.
1. He was outa shape and relatively unfit - they were all serious, fit riders. 2. His bike was worth fifteen bucks (max), weighed fifty pounds, had knobbies (off-road tyres) and a bell. 3. They were all 'in uniform' and he looked like he'd just escaped from a shelter. 4. His helmet made him look like he was about to be shot out of a cannon. 5. He wasn't one bit worried about what anyone thought - I loved that about him.
So we were off... Lance and I followed the pretty boys on their over-priced 'Giants' and 'Cannondales' down Beach Road. His legs pumped like angry little pistons and I laughed so much that my helmet started to fog up. Within one minute he had caught the group and I thought he was about to expire. I tried to recall my first-aid... "is it five compressions per breath... or four?" He looked in pain.
"C'mon Big Fella", I yelled through my helmet.
His work rate increased. He was lovin' the love. I decided not to overtake the group (not hard to do considering I was the only one with a motor) and to coach my boy to the next set of lights. Such fun. Lance and I sat at the back of the pack, I offered more encouragement and his rapidly fatiguing pistons continued to pump.
About two km's (just over a mile) into the journey he turns and yells to me "how fast am I going?" How funny is that? I laughed my guts out. Again. Only an Aussie bloke who's near death would still care about... 'how fast he's riding'. If he was a she... not a chance.
I looked at my speedo. "About forty (25mph)." "I'm flying." (more laughs) "Yes, you are.."
And with those words.. the big man started to 'hit the wall'. His legs began to turn to rubber, his pink cheeks started to turn a lovely shade of grey and the friendly dialogue came to a standstill.
Lance began to drop off the back of the pack.
"C'mon Champ... don't let those pretty boys get away." He mustered one final heroic burst, kind of like Sly in the first Rocky movie (the only good one) and momentarily caught the group again... he hung on for a bit and then surrendered to his screaming body.
He was exhausted but triumphant. Strangely, I understood his triumph. To anyone else, me and my chubby athlete would have been a bizarre sight, but to us it was a significant moment.
The ex-fat kid was delighted to invest five minutes into the friendly chubby guy 'training' for his wedding day.
We pulled up at the next set of lights and Lance was breathing like an eighty year-old smoker with emphysema. But he was happy.
"Thanks Man." "You're welcome... keep up the great work and have fun on the big day." "I will..."
We exchanged a few more pleasantries, the lights turned green, we gave the alpha-male nod and I left the exhausted, but happy, groom-to-be to finish his training session.
I rode away with a big smile on my face. He was happy, I was happy... and the 'real' cyclists thought we needed help.
As I continued my journey into the conference, I thought about what Lance had taught me:
1) It's really easy to connect with people when we want to - especially when we make it about them. 2) Everyone responds to encouragement. 3) Most people like some attention and care. 4) It's amazing what a little support (even from a stranger) can do to a person's level of performance. 5) When we slow down and notice what (and who) is around us, there are lessons to be learned. 6) Helping a stranger can make me feel better than helping myself.
Thanks Lance. Enjoy your wedding day and your life with Mrs Lance.
Sorry I've been absent for a few days... needed to recharge my batteries. Had a great relaxing weekend but of course, I'm missing you all desperately; I'm only human. Wanna say hi to my new buddy, Internet marketing expert and fellow blogger, Brendon Sinclair. He's a lad from Queensland who I had lunch with on Friday and apart from the fact that his punctuality is crap and he's not nearly as funny as me, he's a good man with an even better son, Jack. Keep up the great work lads and thanks for the support and help Brendon.
On with today's post...
The importance of doing nothing? What kinda weird-ass title is that from a motivator dude? Surely it's important that we do something. This is a personal development site right?
Is it not a stupid notion for people who are all about maximizing their potential and living their ultimate life to do nothing? Why would Captain 'get-off-your-ass' suggest that we get back on it?
Yes, of course it's important that we do something. Followed by some regular nothing. And then a bit more something. And then... okay, you get it.
Let me know if I'm getting ahead of you.
The truth is that there comes a point where we are doing so much 'something' that we end up achieving a whole lotta nothing. Nothing positive anyway. We start to do more harm than good - to our career, our health, our relationships, our reputation, our 'creative well' and our emotional state.
And without an opportunity to step out of our busy-ness and into some tranquility - whatever that is for us personally (space, nature, quiet, sleep, music, play, meditation, holiday), we gradually become more miserable, more emotionally and mentally exhausted, more dysfunctional, less effective and eventually, completely unproductive and physically unwell.
Not to mention, unpleasant to be around. Well actually, I did mention it. Why do we use that expression? Stupid.
I digress.
As usual.
Sure, we can 'get away with it' for a while... but unbalanced lives inevitably lead to unbalanced individuals. Yep, seen it way too often. Knocked on the door myself. Not a good place to visit.
This is a lesson many high-achievers will learn - one way or another. Especially the blokes. Many men suffer from indestructible-itis. Or as you ladies might call it, stupidity.
Over the years, I have watched many people spontaneously-combust. Working themselves to misery. Heaps of money... and no life. No balance, no fun, no health.
Other than that, they've pretty much nailed it.
We all need some regular nothing. And by investing in some nothing we become more effective, more dynamic, more productive and more excited when we are doing the something. With me?
Just like our body needs recovery between training sessions, so too, our head and our heart need 'recovery' so that when we step back into the 'game', we're much more effective, we produce better results and we're in a much healthier place mentally and emotionally. When we're in our nothing phase is the best time for us to gain real perspective on where and how we invest our energy and talent... and how we're living our life.
If (for example) you manage to get yourself on a holiday and you discover that you're dreading going back to the pressure cooker that is your 'normal life', then there's a fair chance you need to make some big decisions and get the wheels of change turning.
Many reality-defining and life-changing decisions have been made when people get away from their (day to day) life... "so this is what the rest of the world looks like... cool".
It's often when we're away from our 'busy-ness' and routine (daily grind) that we gain some real clarity and perspective about where we should be (professionally, personally, even geographically) and where we should invest our time, talent and energy.
Maybe we should work less and play more? Maybe we'd be happier? Maybe we should hang out with our kids more and work colleagues less. Maybe we should try and make our body as healthy as our business. Maybe we should put as much energy into our significant relationships as we do with our careers... and lose the "but I'm doing this for you and the kids" martyr mantra.
Maybe we should move from Suburbia to Utopia. I've heard it's nice. Perfect even.
I have a theory that there's actually no correlation between increased (financial) wealth and increased happiness and contentment... in fact, I believe that often the opposite is true. I've worked with very wealthy people for years and I gotta tell ya... I'm glad I'm me!
And no, I'm not saying that money and happiness are mutually exclusive.. (of course there are plenty of rich, happy, balanced people), I am saying that when money (or the pursuit of it) becomes our identity, our primary reason for getting out of bed... then we're doomed.
"He who dies with the most toys wins" is meant to be a tongue-in-cheek comment on wealth and greed... but sadly, for some of the people I've met, it actually is their life philosophy.
So Saturday night I had ten hours sleep. Something of a record. And last night, nearly nine. A phenomenal achievement for the man who averages five to six. I would have slept longer this morning but I was woken up at eight by the deafening applause of every cell in my rejuvenated body giving me a standing ovation.
Even something as simple as extra sleep can make a significant difference with everything from physical health, to attitude, to creative output, to how we communicate, to how we manage stress.
I've spoken recently about the notion of less is more and how sometimes to produce better 'results' in all areas of our life we need to stop 'pushing' for a while, let our head, heart and body recover... and to let ourselves feel the sand between our toes, the breeze on our face and the sun on our back. Literally and metaphorically.
This past weekend I slid down to the beach house and did a lot of nothing much.
My mind is very happy with me; it needed some time out. My creative tank is full once again. I laughed at some mindless TV, ate food, read a book, watched some surfers play on the waves (not too many surfers die of a stress-related illness by the way!), walked barefoot in the sand and let the gentle sound of the ocean massage my tired brain back to health.
I hope you're all having a great Friday (or Thursday depending on where you are) and I hope that you are continuing to create momentum, continuing to stay committed to the goals you've set and I trust that today will be amazing for you because you have chosen that.
I'm gonna have fun today. I've made that decision. I may even misbehave a little.
Today there will be no video post (sorry, it will be up in the next few days) as I have a crazy-busy day of commitments here in the thriving metropolis of Melbourne, starting with a talk to six hundred 5-12 year-olds at St. Joan of Arc Primary School in about an hour from now (cute huh?), followed by filming my Foxtel show from the National Fitness Expo in the city and then a bunch of meetings with clever people.
So rather than me inspire, motivate or educate you today, I have a challenge for you... Why don't YOU step out of your own issues (metaphorically) for a day or so and 'be the change'. Leave your (emotional) garbage in the bin (forever would be good) and get yourself in a different head-space for a while (you might have some fun too).
Why don't you commit a random act of kindness, generosity or selflessness today and do something where there's nothing to gain for you. Stop being strategic for a moment and just be nice... crazy I know. Call me old-fashioned. Maybe something significant... above and beyond your normal fabulousness (a word). No agenda. Surprise you, surprise someone else, do it with absolute commitment and sincerity and tell me what you learn/experience.
It's amazing how the act of genuinely investing time, love and energy into others actually heals, develops and changes US for the better... without even trying to do that!! There's a lesson for you.
Recently I was asked this question in an interview:
"Why do most people who join gyms, start running programs, change their diet and set new lifestyle goals, appear to fail in the long term?" (The vast majority do fail, by the way).
My Answer? "Because they don't finish what they start."
Many of us are perpetually stopping and starting some kind of a new fitness, weight-loss or nutritional program... getting on and off the fat-loss, merry-go-round.
Some of us do it for a lifetime. There's an exercise in frustration right there. I know people who start again every Monday. That's gotta suck.
I think the interviewer was looking for something a little more technical. Some scientific breakthrough perhaps. Because we need more of that. She was disappointed, but actually, it is that simple - we don't persevere, we give up. And all the talent, potential, resources and opportunities will amount to zip, if we consistently throw in the towel.
Yep, it's true; the majority of us spend much of our lives starting and stopping a myriad of endeavours, only to end up back where we started, or worse. Sure, we get in shape. Then we get out of shape. It's what we do.
"No really, I'm doin' it, this time" "Sure you are Pinocchio"
Sound familiar?
Forever change (what we want) doesn't come without Total Commitment; a foreign concept to many of us. We don't deal in 'total commitment; we deal in 'moments of motivation.' Motivation doesn't produce forever results; it's temporary. As it comes and goes, so do the results.
Total commitment keeps us focused, proactive and creating results even when the motivation ain't there!!
When I'm looking for a new employee or someone to partner with on a project, I don't look for the 'motivated person', I look for the 'totally committed person'; someone who has completely bought into the vision of what we're about and where we're heading.
When you have totally bought into something (physically, emotionally, psychologically, financially, practically) you will always find a way to succeed. You will get the job done. While others fall by the wayside, you will remain. Your commitment leaves you no choice. Real commitment gives you stability. Confidence. Momentum.
Getting in shape (for life) ain't about program design, genetics, rowers, striders, fat-blaster tabs, treadmills or carbs after three... it's about our ability to finish what we start; our level of commitment. Just like building a successful business is not about how clever we are, what we know or where we went to college. Sure, they are issues... but they are not the issue.
A little over a year ago I didn't even know what a blog was but because Johnnie and I are totally committed to the project, I know it will work. It is working. Not because we're clever or talented (okay, he is) but because we won't give up. We will persevere. We have made many mistakes and encountered many... 'lessons' along the way but because we are totally committed to our vision for this site, we don't think about 'quitting', we only think about how to keep moving forward. How to find a way.
I personally know several people who have started their own blog over the last year. People with as much, if not more talent, than me. Clever people who can talk a good game. They got all excited for a while (motivation) but when the reality of creating and growing a successful blog over the long term set in (constant hard work), they were found wanting (no commitment). And now, no blog.
See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.
Some of us live a life of cycles: In shape, out of shape. Fit, fat. Doing, not doing. Motivated, demotivated. In the 'zone', on the couch. Up, down. On, off.
Are you tired of it yet?
If you want to experience some real change in your world, I'm suggesting that you find some real commitment.
Before I begin... Hi Guys, we are having a few technical problems at the minute with our blogging/publishing software... so we are seeing some weird cyber-behaviour (like posts disappearing from the home page). So, if you come to the site and the cupboard is bare (there's no update), panic not... I have not sailed off into the distance. It should all be sorted in the next day or so... or hopefully by the time you read this.
Here's my simple take on what some people make, a complex issue; how we use or manage our Emotional Energy (EE). It's a precious and powerful commodity and it needs to be invested wisely and thoughtfully.
Forgive my simplicity, I'm a bloke. And as I am constantly reminded by the numerous females in my world, we men are such basic creatures. I could say much about that kind of thinking but I read somewhere that less is more, so I'm going with... less. I choose to revel in my simplicity. And brevity.
In life, we get a bunch of stuff... A bunch of days on the earth. A bunch of heartbeats. A bunch of opportunities. A bunch of ability. A bunch of potential. A brain. Some limbs. A family. A few friends. A free will. And a finite amount of emotional energy.
I say finite because there are times when it seems to run out. I've seen it. And when a person's EEis no more... invariably their life (or quality of life),is no more. They give up. They move from living, to existing.
A modern Zombie; going through 'the motions' of life. You've seen it; people who seem to have their 'life-force' drained out of them. Maybe at times you are that 'people'. Er, person.
Simulated living... looks like living, but isn't.
To a large extent, our life-reality (what we will do, be, have, create, experience) will be dependant on where and how we 'invest' our EE.
Why? Because our emotions largely influence (if not, determine) our decisions and behaviours, which in turn determine what we practically experience... and what we do and don't achieve each day. Month, year, decade. Lifetime.
By the way, 'where we live' has nothing to do with geography and everything to do with how we invest our EE. And some of us have been living in a bad place for a long time. That's right, we actually need to think about our EE; it's probably our most mis-managed resource.
It worries me that many of us don't use it wisely.
We don't plan, we just react... wasting one of our most precious commodities. We squander mountains of EE on things which are beyond our control (situations, circumstances, other people, genetics, history), while not really investing it in the stuff we can change... our attitudes, choices, reactions, communication style, habits, behaviours - which in turn affect all the practical stuff - our financial situation, relationships, career, physical health and our day to day human experience.
Instead of recognising it and using it as the great source of power and leverage it can be in our lives, we invest it in anger, jealousy, resentment, bitterness and hatred; the stuff that makes us psychologically, emotionally and physically sick. The stuff that stops us from growing, learning and evolving. And being happy. Remember happy? Those were the days.
And when I say that it makes us sick, I am not speaking metaphorically. There is an absolute correlation between where and how we spend our emotional pennies... and our physical health. Many (many, many, many) people have made themselves physically ill and, in my opinion, killed themselves by not managing their EE wisely.
That's what I call a poor return on your investment. Real poor.
Fortunately for you and I, every day is a new opportunity to invest in the positive and turn our back on the negative. To become smart investors. To find the good, even in a bad situation. To ask the right questions. To find the lesson. To invest our EE in finding solutions, where we once regularly put ourselves into emotional bankruptcy by focusing on our problems. To control the stuff we can and let go of the stuff we can't. It's possible. In fact, probable... when we make that decision.
Think this is all pure self-help hyperbole?
That's your choice. Your mistake. This lesson can be a life-changing truth if you make it that. Or it can be 'just another thing' you read.
You know that anger's a choice right? No!! Yep. "But that's how I'm wired." Crapola. That's what you choose.
And bitterness, jealousy, resentment? Them too; bad investments.
Waddabout hatred? Oh yeh, that's gonna kill ya. By Tuesday. Walking around full of hate? You may as well smoke three hundred cigarettes a day, you'll achieve the same result.
As I've said many times before on this site, every day we are given the opportunity to have an amazing day despite what happens or doesn't happen on that day. When we really learn (as in live in thistruth) that amazing days are not dependant on events, situations, circumstances, other people or luck but how and where we invest our emotional energy, then we'll start to realise our potential, knock down some barriers and see some real (forever) change.
Hello Boys and Girls. No post today, just a question.
We (baldy and I) have had some (limited) feedback that maybe our font size (for the text in my posts) needs to be bigger. The tricky bit is that the font size seems to vary from computer to computer. So... at the risk of stretching our fragile cyber-relationship and sounding like the high-maintenance, perfectionist, blogger that some may (unfairly) suggest I am, would you be so gracious as to click on the comment thingy and say "yep, bigger" or "nup, same".... or however you choose to word it! If you have any other suggestions, feedback or ideas in terms of the look or function of the site, feel free to share!
*If you missed last Friday's video... that's because it wasn't up until yesterday! It's below this post if you want to take a peek. Enjoy your week kids.
In life, there are times when less definitely produces better results than more. Often in fact.
Less talk. Less explaining. Less complaining. Less arguing. Less coercing. Less chasing. Less 'trying-so-hard'. Less desperation. And less of you in certain situations or circumstances.
But because we're emotional, highly-irrational creatures with a penchant for ignoring the very obvious signs, we keep hammering away with behaviours and habits which are both frustrating and counter-productive - doing what doesn't produce results. In fact, often creating the opposite of what we want.
Ever watched a guy trying to impress a girl? Rest my case.
Note to blokes... stop embarrassing yourselves. You're doing our gender a disservice. Not trying to impress someone is usually much more impressive. And that whole desperation thing... no good.
Yep, we're slow learners.
It's been suggested that I could probably talk under water. I can. I've tried. If not for the likelihood of electrocution, I'd give underwater blogging a go too.
However, experience has taught me that I often produce better results and have more influence and control of situations and outcomes by saying very little, or occasionally, nothing. Hard to believe I know. When I'm not 'doing my thing' (the Craig show)... I'm actually kinda quiet. Sometimes I get sick of my own voice. I have learned to do more and say less. To listen and watch more. To become a more effective observer. This was a lesson I needed to learn.
In business meetings I often say very little because I know that If I don't talk the other person has to... especially when they've requested a meeting and they are looking at creating some kind of relationship with me. The less I talk, the more I learn about them; their personality, their agenda, their beliefs, their strengths and weaknesses - who I'm dealing with. Good to know in business. It sounds strategic. It is.
Given the chance, people will simply tell me what they think I want to hear. But when I say little, they have to say much. They hate the silence, so they talk. And I listen and watch. Sometimes I'll sit in the silence and just smile at them while they search for their next words. Revelling in their discomfort. Nasty? Nup... clever.
With my staff over the years I've learned that less often produces better results. If I constantly provide feedback, correction and direction, it quickly loses impact and becomes meaningless; has little or no effect. May even create resentment.
However, if I provide infrequent, well-timed feedback it usually creates the desired result and has more of an impact because it's not an everyday occurrence.
I've also learned that if I praise people too much, that praise quickly loses its value. If I tell someone every five minutes how great they are, my words become meaningless and I create a pattern that's unhealthy and impossible to maintain. I've learned that sometimes doing (a small gift, a kind act) rather than speaking is a much more effective way to encourage and praise a person.
We know (intellectually) that the vast majority of communication is non-verbal (93%) but practically, we don't take advantage of this knowledge. We continue to ramble on; talking repetitious crap and producing crap results. Having the same stupid, pointless, frustrating conversations and creating the same unpleasant outcomes.
In reality, some of the best communicators are very economical with their words - they do not feel compelled to 'fill the gaps' like most of us do. They understand that some well-placed pauses and gaps actually have more meaning and impact than continual verbal rambling. Over the years I have studied some of the best communicators (teachers, motivators, actors, interviewers) in the world they all 'get' the less-is-more paradigm.
My favourite interviewer in the world, Michael Parkinson, has an amazing gift for facilitating the most revealing discussions, and eliciting incredible insights by saying almost nothing. He knows when to be quiet. For a man who talks to people for a living, he often doesn't say much! He understands that great communication is not dependant on his ability to talk non-stop. He knows that less produces more.
Have you ever read a book with hundreds (and hundreds) of pages and squillions of words only to be kinda confused and disappointed at the end?
Or maybe you've stumbled across a book with way less words... but it had way more impact?
In one of my favourite books, 'Who Moved My Cheese', Dr. Spencer Johnson manages to share amazing lessons and insights into dealing with organizational change (on a personal and corporate level) in very few words. He understands that a simple short story often has more impact, meaning and relevance (creates better outcomes) than some long-winded 'lecture'.
So this week in your efforts to create your best life, why don't you step into the world of 'less is more' and see what happens.
Hi Guys. Hope you're having a spectacularly good weekend. I have been a lounge-lizard today. It's been raining non-stop in the thriving metropolis of Melbourne, so I thought there was no real need for me to be vertical. Nice. Might need to have my butt surgically removed from the couch soon. Oh well, I can get my nose done at the same time.
Filmed this little chat Friday pm (Melbourne time). Sorry about my less-than-exciting presentation style; I was a little tired I think. Yer get that when you're... thirty. I'll be more inspirational next week.... promise!
If you wanna leave a comment or just say hi, click on the comment thingy.
Have you ever noticed how some people don't actually make significant decisions in their life? Significant as in... life-changing, reality-shaping, destiny-determining decisions.
You know, the big ones.
It's like they've done a course... 'Decision Evasion 101: How to Live a Decision-less Life'. Or that other one... 'Seven Easy Steps to 70 Years of Frustration.'
Sure, they're pretty good with the "I think I'll have the oats and not the toast" decisions... but beyond that, they struggle. Not you of course... but perhaps someone you know.
Life seems to happen around them. And to them. In spite of them, even.
Rather than creating their best life, they seem to endure a crap one. Sad really. And completely unnecessary.
Amazing is a choice. If you didn't know that... you do now. No excuses. Don't give me "yeah but, yeah but"... I'm sick of "yeah but" and you should be too.
Some people will get up today and do exactly what they did yesterday. Even though they hated yesterday. And they will tell others.."I have no choice."
We always have choices. If not always with what happens... we can always choose how we respond, react, cope. What we do. And don't do.
A friend of mine has been given three months to live on numerous occasions. She has had six different types of cancer, is still fighting the fight and still receiving treatment. She has chosen to have an amazing life despite her illness and despite her situation because her illness (situation, circumstance) doesn't define her, her choices and her attitude does.
She chooses to have good days. She chooses to be exceptional. She chooses to inspire others. She chooses to survive. And she chooses to do the best she can, where she is, with what she's got.
Good choices Michelle (xxx)
Some people subscribe to the 'destiny is predetermined' school of thought. And the Doris Day 'whatever will be, will be' paradigm. What a waste of a life. And potential. I guess (they believe) it's much easier than having to be accountable and responsible for what they do and don't achieve in their life.
"Yeah but what can I do....these are the cards I was dealt?"
"Well, I guess you could roll over, give up, embrace that defeatist attitude and let the world walk all over you.... there's a plan."
They don't take charge of their life. They don't control their own destiny. They don't use their potential. They don't take chances. They live in a constant holding pattern. Treading water in a sea of frustration.
Letting others make decisions for them. Surrendering their power to people who don't care about them. And drowning in mediocrity when amazing is only a decision or two away.
Some of them won't even think about making that life-changing decision. Largely out of fear. And apathy. So they 'accept' their reality. They give up. They resign themselves to a life they never planned or wanted.
As a teacher and coach, this upsets me the most; seeing beautiful, amazing, talented people living a life of complete compromise. They wait for a miracle. A white knight perhaps. Hoping that their life might 'turn out' amazing.
They use dis-empowering expressions like "oh well, we'll see what happens", when they could be saying "I'll tell you what's gonna happen... "
But the irony is that by not making a decision, they are making a decision.
All positive change starts with a decision, a moment in time when an individual says "that's it, I'm doing it..." and they actually mean it. All successful businesses, projects, and worthwhile personal endeavours start with an idea or thought, followed by a decision. If we never make the decision (no matter how difficult that process may be), we can never create the change we so desperately desire.
To live an effective, fulfilling, rewarding life we need to become effective decision makers... there is no escaping this fact, so get your head around it. Whatever you've achieved to this point in time (as in RIGHT NOW sitting there on your computer) is not necessarily ANY indication of what's possible for your future. You may wanna read that sentence again.
Over the last two weeks I have had an inordinate amount of conversations with people about the relationships in their world. Relationships with work colleagues, spouses, kids, friends, family... the lot. Mostly, it's pretty negative stuff. Lucky me.
Invariably there are problems in those relationships and amazingly, the story-teller is never at fault. Ever!!! It's freaky that I always meet 'the good one' in the relationship. What are the chances of that? Slim? Not slim, zero.
Here's a conversation I've never had: "Hey Craig, I'm having some problems with my boss at work and I gotta tell ya, I've been a complete pain in the ass lately.... I'm rude, I don't listen, I only see my point of view, I'm opinionated, I'm impatient, I always think I'm right because I have an attitude problem and I just don't communicate very well... to be honest, I just can't be bothered. If only I would focus more on my 'own stuff' rather than criticise him so much, work would be a much more pleasant and productive environment for all of us... yeh. Hmmm, thanks for the chat Craig... you've really made me realise a few things. I am always part of the problem and I need to change..."
"Er, you're welcome.."
Nup, never had that conversation... and never will.
Here's one I've had way too many times: "I hate my boss, he's a (insert numerous rude words) and he's ruining my life." "Er... why's that? "Because he (insert more rude words).... and if he does it again I'll (you know)."
And another one: "My wife (husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/mother/father) is so selfish, so unaware, so stubborn, so thoughtless, so..." (you get the point). "And what are you?" "I'm a saint for putting up with all that crap.." "Okay..."
Over the years I've had to deal with many (many, many) relationship... challenges (there's the word I was searching for) in my world, especially in my professional life. Often, on a daily basis. Some of those 'challenges' were very minor and others, monumental. All of those experiences (lessons) have 'taught' me that, no matter what the issue is, or who the person is, I'm always part of the problem. And the solution.
Of course you think you're right... you're you!! Need to get over that; it's a killer.
This is one of the most important lessons and reality-changing truths that we can get our head around in marriage, in business, in friendship... and in life. But sadly, many of us never do. We continue to judge, blame, criticise and be the poor little victim, when in reality we are invariably, a significant part of the problem.
Even when I'm dealing with someone who really is being rude, obnoxious, difficult, selfish (etc.), I still need to consciously move towards a resolution, otherwise I become part of the problem and things will escalate... and there have been times in my life (a while ago now) when I was quite good at escalation. No! Quiet, shy little Craig. Surprising I know.
Over the years (especially the early days of my business) I handled some situations badly (or not as effectively as I should have) and inadvertently became part of the problem. In order for me to move beyond that reality, I had to get to the point where I understood and acknowledged that me being 'right' is sometimes irrelevant and that often (too often), I was wr... wr... ong. Sometimes there is no 'right'. Just different.
As long as we continue to talk 'about' people or 'at' them rather than with them, and as long as we keep finding fault rather than finding understanding and a solution, we will... 1) continue to have relationhip and communication issues and 2) be perpetuating those problems.
Knowing that I am part of the problem has helped me find a solution. You?
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