This site is the website of motivational speaker Craig Harper. A constantly updated, one-stop information, inspiration, education and motivation station. Unlike many similar sites, it is a totally free resource for anyone who is serious about moving from mediocre to amazing in any area of their personal or professional life. With hundreds of articles covering a wide range of subject matter, great interviews with cool people and inspirational video posts, there's more than enough brain-food to keep you busy for hours. Okay, days!! Enjoy.
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to
see one of Craig's weekly segments on national
television. (9AM with Kim & David - Network Ten)
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If you are interested in maximizing your potential,
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Biological Age Testing
Recently, 67 year old Jan Frazer completed one of
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the body of a 37 year old (in terms of fitness,
strength and function). How old is your body? Find
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Fattitude
- Craig Harper
While many books focus on food,
Craig teaches that creating life-long change is more about the
dieter, than the actual diet. This book is perfect for people who have a
history of 'almost' getting in shape.
DVD
or CD - Renovate Your Body In this entertaining presentation, Craig discusses the
notion of Renovating Your Body - once and for all. Many of us have a curious
ability to be able to get in shape for events (weddings, parties, reunions
and birthdays), if only we'd get in shape for life.
Craig Harper is Australia's leading
motivational speaker
and educator (according to Google Australia). He is a highly
sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be
a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and
professional development.
Working with hundreds of
teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations
on numerous continents over the last twenty years
has given Craig a unique insight into, and
understanding of, human performance and all its
variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire,
challenge and make people laugh all at the same
time!
Very big weekend for me.dot.com...so this is just a little note to say hi to you all and a reminder to my GYSTerstoenjoy the last day of your challenge and to get yourselves emotionally, psychologically and practically (organised, structured, planned, prepared) where you need to be to keep those wheels turning well beyond the 28 days.
Different for life. Not for 28 days. That's the goal.
Send in those submissions and let us know how you've done and what you've learned. See you tomorrow.
I trust that your Friday (or Thursday evening depending on your locale) is going swimmingly. I've never used the word 'swimmingly' in a sentence before... now I know why. It's stupid. I won't do it again. Promise.
So today is my birthday.
Yep, 30... ish. And therefore a busy day of eating an obscene amount of cheesecake. I may in fact break some kinda world record. I think I have it in me; I'm prepared emotionally and physically. I have the focus, the mindset, the discipline and the skills. I've done the work, I've trained well. Goals are important right? I read that somewhere.
All cheesecake donations can be forwarded to 643 Nepean Highway, East Brighton, Victoria, Australia, 3186. No pressure. Really. I'll still love you no matter what. Cheesecake or not. 'Cause I'm that deep. Freaky, I know.
As if I could be swayed by a thick, rich, fresh, mouth-watering baked cheesecake anyway. Waddya think I am... a food-driven, one-dimensional eating machine? Okay, maybe a little... but hey, we all have issues. It just happens that my issue tastes incredible.
So enough about me and my gastronomic ambition... today is video post day. Yay... 'bout time.
The bald man (aka Steven Spielberg) has once again dragged his Kmart camera out of retirement, so that we may connect with you face to face. Sort of. So click on the 'play' thingy and see how much I've aged in the last six months. Tragic. It's Johnnie's fault.
GYSTers... keep those wheels turning. ( )
Have a great day Groovers and enjoy your weekend. I'll keep my eyes open for the delivery man.
Hello my Champions. Hope you're converting all this reading into some doing.
No post today (as such). I don't wanna overload you with information and inspiration; you might blow a gasket or something.
However, a little craigharper.com news update is on today's menu...
* GYST Challenge. So the finish line is in sight!! Four weeks of toil, sweat, tears and joy is drawing to a close. It's been a busy four weeks for the bald man and I; lots of emails, lots of feedback, lots of work on the site and lots of fun. Overall, you guys have done well. A few have fallen of the wagon, a few have made modest progress and a few of you have made giant strides... but keep in mind that the ultimate goal is life-long change. Let us know your thoughts, ideas, suggestions and feedback on the GYST. We may or may not repeat the exercise at a later date... we're weighing it all up. It's lots of work for baldy and I but we have felt it's been a worthwhile project. Maybe monthly check-ins?
* A BIRTHDAY next week!! Yep, on October 3, 2006 craigharper.com took it's first tentative steps in the blogoshpere. They were indeed shaky. One whole year! Who'da thunk it?? I may have to get drunk for the first time! Hmm... probably not. Don't go to any trouble you guys; just something big, extravagant and expensive will be fine. Maybe we can have a cyber-party? Or a real one? You're all happy to travel right? What's a few thousand miles between friends? Lotsa space at the gym. A few cheesecakes. And something for you too. How should we celebrate our first year?
* A CAREER with CH !! I need a Trainee. Every year I (via my business, Harper's Personal Training) offer a twelve month traineeship (like a one-year apprenticeship) for a person who is trying to establish him or herself in the big, wide world of P.T. Right now, I'm looking for a young (or not-so-young) amazing, dynamic, passionate, fun person with a big engine (work ethic), high pain-threshold (Craig threshold), great people skills, hilarious sense of humour, engaging personality and a strong desire to learn and grow. You will need to be cert. 3 and 4 qualified (or well on the way), prepared to put in way too many hours for way too little money... and in return I will work you like a dog for a year. Sound good? Okay... you will work in "one of the biggest and best PT centres in the world" (Richard Boyd, PT on the Net), develop lots of skills, learn a buncha stuff, work with some amazing people, be fast-tracked into the world of PT (if you're any good) and if you're lucky, be both hugged and harassed by me on a daily basis. Irresistible huh? Obviously this is really only suitable for Melbourne-based people but.. I guess it's open to anyone. If you're interested, email me via the site, let me know some stuff about you and leave some contact details. If you're precious, high-maintenance, lazy or easily-offended, don't bother. I do make it sound so attractive don't I?
* Video Posts. Baldy and I (okay, mainly me) have been somewhat negligent with our video-posting responsibilities. We get regular requests (amazingly) for more of them, so as of next week, we will post one fortnightly. Waddya think?
* You may or may not know about a thing called Technorati. It's a type of system which ranks blog sites (like this one) based on the amount of links coming to that site from other sites. A link from another site is kind of like a tick of approval (this is how the bald man explains it to me). Anyway there are over 70,000,000 blog sites globally (apparently) and the vast majority of them are not personal development sites (like this one). They are tech sites, media sites (from very large media outlets) and a zillion different blogs which hang off the back of a wide range of businesses and products. Anyway, our ranking inside of twelve months has gone from over 50,000,000 to somewhere in the 6,000's... When you consider the size of the blogoshpere... that's kinda cool huh? Johnnie tells me this is pretty amazing.
* Traffic to craigharper.com. We're heading towards 100,000 visitors per month (looks like we'll get there in the next few months)... which means that in 2008 we should have well over 1,000,000 visitors for the year. See what happens to an idea when you wrap it around some passion and sweat?
* This Sunday I'm MC'ing the WNBF Victorian Bodybuildingand Bodyshaping Champs at the Clocktower Centre in Moonee Ponds, kicking off at 1pm. So.. if you're in the state, interested in hot bods... an wanna say hello.. come along. I'll be the dashingly handsome one in the suit.
Okay.. I'll be the one in the suit.
* You may have noticed that at the top left of the homepage we have a new addition (a little grey box). Johnnie in his infinite wisdom and with his amazing tech skills has managed to drag my sorry ass all the way to the top of the google rankings for the search-term 'motivational speaker.' I can assure you that this ranking is not a reflection of my speaking skills but rather his tech skills and too-large brain. Great achievement (in under one year) when you consider that the search term (motivational speaker) generates over 2,000,000 matches. Well done Google boy.
So there it was... a not-so-quick ch.com update.
If you have any ideas, thoughts, suggestions, feedback or questions, hit the comment thingy and start typing. I will reply to as many as possible (a little busy these days).
In my humble opinion, the single most important life-skill is communication. So get to work on yours. The end.
*How great would it be if I could write posts as short as that and still have the desired impact? Make a statement, provide some instruction and then wrap it up. All in under twenty words. Succinct, specific and no fluff. Imagine the time I'd save?
Waddya mean, you need more info? Why can't you work with those two sentences? You guys are so demanding (is that a label) and high-maintenance (and another).
My experience tells me that people who master the skill of communication, to a large extent, master many of the complexities of life. The people stuff anyway. And of course, the people stuff is probably the biggest part. The end. Again. Seeya tomorrow.
Oh all right, I'll continue. But I wanna raise.
Yes, it's a big statement (not the raise one... the communication one) but I believe it to be true. Communication has a huge impact on virtually every aspect of our life. Friendships, marriage, career, education, conflict resolution, teaching our kids, expressing our feelings, negotiating problems and of course, the mountain of 'general life stuff' we contend with on a daily basis.
Yet the truth is that most of us don't consciously work at becoming more effective communicators. We tell ourselves we do. But we don't actually work (in a strategic, logical, practical manner) at developing the skill. We just stumble along and 'hope' we'll accidentally get better. Dumb plan.
Observe most people over a long period of time and they will typically use the same communication style forever, no matter how effective or ineffective that style is. They're defensive, they're aggressive, they're confrontational, they're arrogant, they're condescending, they don't listen... they do a whole buncha stuff which ultimately equals bad communication.
I've watched people have the same stupid arguments, over the same stupid issues, with the same stupid people... only to produce the same outcome (frustration, anger, pain, terrible relationships) for years.
And while some of us are clever and articulate, we're also crap communicators (at least in some situations and circumstances). Don't assume that a large vocabulary or eloquent speech equates to effective communication. It doesn't. Effective communication has little or nothing to do with the size of your vocabulary. Or your academic background.
I personally know many people who are both clever and articulate, yet often struggle to communicate a simple message in certain situations.
He (yep, let's pick on the blokes) can run a multi-million company but he can't communicate with his teenage kids. And the truth is, he doesn't make the time or effort. He doesn't workat communicating more effectively with his kids. But he makes himself feel better by telling his wife that everything he does is for her and them.
Sure it is, Pinocchio.
Your kids don't need more toys ya big tool, they need a hug. They need an investment of your time and attention. They need you to listen. Hey Stupid! Learn to communicate with your kids, wife, parents.. those who are (allegedly) the most important things in your life.
I'm not very good at many things but the one thing which I have passionately and consciously worked at developing over the years is my communication skills. Many times I have been in a situation where I've almost been out of my depth and my ability to communicate (some might say bullshit... so not fair) has dragged me over the line.
Knowing how to engage and connect with people is invaluable. Different people. Different attitudes. Different personalities. Different age groups. Different situations. They may all require a different communication style. A different approach.
A question I ask myself twenty times a day is this:
"How do I need to communicate with this person, in this situation, at this point in time to create the best possible outcome for everyone?"
If that question is your starting point, you'll start to see things change quickly.
I know that while one person will respond to Drill Sgt. Harper, another will start crying and assume the foetal position with the same approach. I've had to discover what works best for each individual and learn to communicate accordingly.
When I am looking to employ a new trainer (which I have done hundreds of times over the years), I look for an ability to communicate over qualifications and knowledge base. Yes, I want the quals and the knowledge but without doubt, the best trainers (doctors, sales people, teachers, managers, coaches, etc..) are the best communicators.
Gimme a bloke (or a chick) with a PhD and an IQ of 200 who can't connect with people... no value to me.
So wadda we do wrong and how can we change? 1) We don't (really) listen. We merely wait for a gap in the flow of conversation so we can tell them how it really is. We forget people's names six seconds after we've been introduced because we're not really in the moment; not really listening. When you're talking with someone, be present; don't be elsewhere. Simple but effective. Maintain eye contact, use their name.
2) We criticise. Hey Captain Perfecto... don't find fault, find solutions. Find a positive. Remember that one time when you made a mistake? It was the 80's wasn't it? 3) We don't apologise when we should. If you want to create a better connection with someone and improve the quality of your communication instantly.. give them a heart-felt "I'm sorry" when it's appropriate. Genuine humility is one of the most attractive and engaging qualities but some of us work very hard to avoid it. 4) We talk over the top of others. Want an instant social and emotional disconnection? Then master the skill of interruption. I have a friend who has an acute case of "but-wait-till-you-hear-my-story-itis". We know you love the sound of your voice but seriously..... 5) We talk 'at' people, rather than 'with' them. You don't like being lectured to, why would anyone else? 6) We pressure, manipulate, coerce. Good way to create resentment not connection. 7) We don't read the (very obvious) non verbal communication. We've all heard the 'communication is 93% non-verbal' stat... yet we continue to ignore the signs. If you want to know how someone really feels... talk less, watch more. 8) We don't understand that different communication styles work (are necessary, in fact) for different people. If you're determined to be a crap communicator, use the same approach with everyone.
Your Homework: Being as you're all about learning, here's your chance.
In the next 48 hours try something different (from a communication perspective)... with that person (you know who). And I don't mean some pissy, token, half-assed attempt... I mean really different.
If you wanna create a different dynamic / result / rapport / relationship... then do different. Same produces same. You know that.
Good communication is the cornerstone of healthy, productive, rewarding relationships... and considering that we spend the majority of our waking hours around other people, perhaps it's a skill that we should consciously and practically work at developing.
I think so, Grasshoppers.
* Let me know how you go, your thoughts in general... and where you're from.
Clothes, food, cars, computers, buildings, organisations... all kindsa stuff. People too. You and me even. I've had lots of labels. Heavy sigh.
We exist in a world with so much stuff that apparently we need labels to identify everything. Otherwise we could make a crucial mistake. After all, a box containing a computer might very well be a box full of jelly beans for all we know. Fortunately for us, we just need to take a look on the side and it's mystery solved. Labels can be a positive or a negative. They can inform us, protect us, identify us.. or make us cry.
They can be found hanging on the end of a piece of string, splashed across a box or bag, written on the front of a building or even on the sidewall of a tyre.
We can also find them in the reputation a person has (or hasn't) created for him or herself.
And it's all these labels which (as a rule) tell us about a thing or person. Or at least how those things / people are perceived. How we identify it / them. How we know what's on the inside. What we're dealing with.
It may not necessarily be a physical label with a bunch of words on it... but it's a label nonetheless.
Whether it's a box of cereal (high-protein, low-fat, great taste), a TV (high-def, LCD, 60 inch), a car (sports coupe, fast, powerful, eco-friendly, cheap) or a person (grumpy, friendly, generous, happy, sad, high-maintenance, funny, entertaining, artistic, rude, obnoxious, clever, moody)... nearly everything has it's own label.
Some labels merely provide basic information (this is a low-fat cereal, this is a size 4 garment) while other labels speak to a person's nature, character, physical appearance, state of mind, financial status (and so on). These labels often have a significant impact on an individual's mental and emotional state... and therefore, life.
Sometimes we give things labels so we know what's inside.
Imagine going to a supermarket and finding thousands of boxes, cans and bags on the shelves with no labels on them. You wouldn't know if you were buying a can of soup or a can of dog food. A box of Corn Flakes or some washing powder.
Or imagine going to a hospital where nobody wore name tags and every employee wore the exact same uniform... you might get your tonsils ripped out by the cleaner. Okay, perhaps not.
We give people labels because we think that particular term, expression, description best defines them.
And it's the 'people' labels (the ones we give and get) which impact on us personally. Positively and negatively. Emotionally and psychologically. Significantly. Some of them are nice. A lot aren't. Some of them scar us. And scare us. We all have one Or several. Whether we like it or not. And we give them to others. Yep... even you.
Sometimes we're nasty. Or nice. Sometimes we alternate. Sometimes we are champions at finding fault in others but seemingly incapable of acknowledging (or addressing) our imperfect, flawed selves.
Good, bad or indifferent, we label people every day.
"That grumpy man from next door is rude..."
"Oh yes, she's the academic one; the brain of the family.."
"Have you seen that newfat teacher with the funny lips.... so weird"
"Yeh, Sam will fix it for you.. he's Mr Fix-it.."
"Have you seen that un-coordinated kid with the red hair trying to kick the ball.. sonota soccer player"
And while it's important that we don't obsess about what people think of us, it is also important that we do have an awareness of how other people perceive us in our daily life (work, home, general conversation, socially.. etc).
Is it possible for you to be seen as arrogant, when in fact you're not? Yep. Or stupid when you're actually shy? Yep. Or weird when you're creative and clever? Yep.
So... here's a short list of some of the labels I've been given over my journey.
A few years ago I did a presentation where (as I do) I happened to do a ten second impersonation of a friend of my who is an aerobics teacher... and happens to be gay. Anyway, it was all in good fun and in the context of what we were discussing. My friend certainly wouldn't have been offended as it wasn't (intended to be) offensive.
However... (you knew that was coming right?)... while most people were amused and entertained, a lady up the back saw it differently. After my presentation she informed me that I was an ignorant, arrogant, stupid homophobe.
And while I didn't believe that I was (an ignorant, arrogant, stupid homophobe), after I spoke with the fat, silly old cow... the lady (don't write to me.. I'm being silly), I understood how and why she came to the conclusion she did.
She wasn't right (okay.. maybe the stupid bit) but the labels she gave me made complete sense when I learned a little about where she had come from (emotionally and experientially) and her thinking and beliefs. So in a way, she was right. You with me?
I have since learned that when I talk to audiences I need to negotiate and anticipate particular responses to certain communication and teaching styles and certain subject matter. I need to understand that my truth (perspective, thinking, ideas, beliefs) won't hit a home run with everyone... and that's ok. This doesn't mean that I compromise my message or beliefs, it means I am wise (mostly) in how I present my message. How I choose to communicate.
And then sometimes I'm just flat-out offensive. Still working on that.
One of the fun things (not) about being a professional speaker is that quite often my audiences are required to complete feedback forms (on my performance) at the end of the presentation. If you have a tendency to be somewhat precious or easily offended, don't become a speaker... or lose the preciousness (a word).
As the forms are anonymous, people don't typically hold back. They have no reason to water down their thoughts.
And while it ain't always a fun process (to be told you're crap), it's been great for my personal and professional development for me to know how people perceive me as a speaker, teacher, motivator, coach... bloke (the labels they give me).
Have you ever wondered about the labels you wear? The ones you know about and the ones you don't? How others 'define' you when you're not around? The ones you deserve and the ones you don't?
A few concluding thoughts:
1) We shouldn't spend our lives worrying about what others think or we'll go nuts.
2) But we can try and see ourselves through the eyes of others - it's an interesting exercise, it makes us much more effective communicators and it helps us create much better outcomes in a range of situations and settings.
3) Before you punch someone in the head for a label you're not so happy with, consider that maybe they're at least partly right (crazy concept I know) and if they are, don't languish in self-pity or anger.. do something constructive to earn a different label. I've had some labels I didn't want but when I stepped back from the emotion of the moment... they were one hundred percent accurate. So I decided to learn and change.
4) Be careful how you label people (especially kids). It's more of a responsibility than you may realise and sometimes we do it without even thinking.
5) You and I have enough of our own 'stuff' to work on. We shouldn't have the time or the mindset to (negatively) pigeon-hole others. Even... if they deserve it. Being a critic hurts you more than anyone else. It's morally, spiritually and emotionally carcinogenic.
6) Some people will label you unfairly no matter how hard you try. That's life. And people. Deal with it and continue to work on you. Change the stuff you can and don't waste time or energy on the stuff you can't.
* Let me know your thoughts on labels (and where you're from - state, country)
Three weeks down, one to go! Wannahearaboutwatchabeendoin.
Are you in, out of... or anywhere near, the zone? Get those updates in, good or bad doesn't matter... get 'em in. It's not about the four weeks anyway, it's about changing what's goin' on in that nine pound lump on top of yer shoulders. Tell us what you've learned about yerself over the three weeks.
New day today, new week, new attitude... new opportunity to do and be, amazing. NO excuses, no sabotaging... find a way. When it's tough, inconvenient, impractical and almost impossible... find a way anyway. 'Cause you can. If you want it enough.. you will.
Commitment hurts. Change hurts. Success hurts. Deal with it.
* Happy birthday Jenna xx
PS. Elroy (yes you) your email won't let me reply to you. The answer to your question is.. yes, Fattitude and Your Perfect Body are virtually the same book... most people prefer Fattitude as it is a little more conversational (Craigish).
Every six months or so I go to the skin doctor bloke to get checked for skin cancer. Not the funnest (a word) day on my calendar... but gotta be done. You know, being proactive about one's health and all.
For my international readers, we Aussies are right at the top of the skin cancer heap. Not a competition we really want to win. But we seem to be pretty good at it nonetheless. Sun, fun, surf, sand... and skin cancer. They don't put that in those tourism ads do they? Heavy sigh.
So I've had a few things sliced off before... some skin things called Basal Cell Carcinomas... not as bad as a melanoma (on the cancer scale) but you don't want one anyway. A bit of cutting, a few stitches; no prob.
So there I was the last week lying on the Doc's table in my racing undies, looking an absolute treat. As you would imagine. Hot. Like a walrus with sneakers on.
Anyway here's how the skin-check thing works...
The Doc has this gizmo (yep, a medical term) which is kind of like a super-duper magnifying glass / video camera combo thingy (lemme know if this is a bit over your head) which enlarges every feature (freckle, hair, blemish, pimple, lump, bump) on your skin and brings it up about a zillion times bigger on a gigantic computer screen right next to where you're lying.
* Sometimes my freaky grasp of technology and my mastery of techno-speak amazes even me.
Gotta say, us humans up really close.... very ugly. Then again, maybe that's just me. Yeh, probably.
So here's part of our conversation: (Doc's still halfway through perusing my skin)
Doc: "Yeh, that one (freckley thing) looks okay" CH: "That's what I wanna hear" Doc: "Yep, that one two.." CH: "Nice" (Silence from Doc... looks intense) (I hate that look) Doc: "Hmmm" (More silence) Doc: "That one looks interesting..." (CH experiences increase in cardiac output and reduction in testicle size) Doc: "Hmmm... he might be a problem..." CH: "He?" Doc: "Yep, might have to take him off and send him off for some testing.." CH: "Aaah, er (struggling to maintain alpha-male-warrior disposition).. could it be, er.. aah... a melanoma (skin cancer)? Doc: "Maybe, let's hope not.." CH: "Er, yeh."
The Doc proceeds to slice away a little piece of my back and throw in some stitches.
CH: "So what happens now?" Doc: "We'll send him off to pathology and wait for the test results.." CH: "How long will they take?" (assuming the answer will be somewhere between one and three hours) Doc: "About a week." CH: "A WEEK!" Doc: "Yeh.. they're pretty busy so it's not a quick turn-around." CH: "Are you kiddin' me?" Doc: "Well... there's nothing we can do right now, so don't worry about it, go home and we'll give you a call if we get any nasty news..."
Terriffo. Feeling fabulous by this point. Nearly doing wee in my pants.
CH: (pathetically trying to be the alpha-male) "Sure Doc, no problem" (not the exact words I wanted to share).
So, it's been a little over a week now. And no phone call. That's gotta be good right? I would have called myself but I've been a bit gutless busy.
I head back to the Doc in a few days to get my stitches out and to get the all-clear.
It's amazing how a moment in time or a simple experience can instantly change our mindset and our perspective. All those worries that I walked into the doctors surgery with? Not really worries at all.
And all that really important stuff I had to do that day... not so important. It can wait. Funny that.
We do that don't we?
We get so engrossed in our own little world that we often miss the point. To live and love in the moment. Every day. Sometimes we forget the important stuff... like appreciating what and who we have in our life. Right now. At this minute. Family, friends, health. Simple stuff. But amazing stuff.
Pity we get so distracted with crap. And waste so much time and energy on stuff which (really) isn't that important. We tell ourselves it is... but it ain't. And then we get all stressed, grumpy and obsessed... about nothing in particular.
Pity we wait until we get sick or scared before we get some perspective.
But then again, maybe that's just me. Doubt it.
Sometimes we need to forget the goals, the time-table, the to-do list, the five-year plan and simply be in the now. And enjoy it. Savour it. Just being thankful and appreciative for what we have, rather than being pre-occupied with what we don't. What if all that stuff we're chasing... won't make us any happier anyway?
What if where we are (right now) is actually pretty amazing but we don't allow ourselves to enjoy it.
Sometimes something as simple as knowing that you're healthy is enough to bring you more happiness than any achievement, prize or possession ever could. There's a thought.
So anyway... I'm lovin' my life today. Right now. I'll let yer know how I go at the Doc.
G'dayGYSTers. Ron D, Madelyn (the writer), Ute, Ellen, Greg, Justice, Elle, Michelle (Tasmania), Tami 2, Moyra, Melissa (New Zealand), ST and her anonymous sister, Ceridwen, Doug (New Mexico), Lili Ann, Sandi, Angela, Barb J, Anne, Jessie, Leigh, Jodie, Elroy, Sue Reid, Diane (Sydney), Leah K, Jess K, Dee Britton, Kirsten, KK, Virginia (Melbourne), Clare H, Tim (Chicago), Kate, Pip, Miss Beck, Sal, Frank, Louie (Phoenix), Jen (Mildura), Ganesh (India), Tami (US), Barney, Kaddy, Snoskred, Julie (Hobart), Kerry, Finn, April Groves, M, Dianned1, Amanda B, Amber Jordon, Debbie, Irene N, Kristy, Leann, Pip Dodds, tlee, Andy, Charmaine Connolly, Kelvin (US) and Sepyroth...
Well, we're heading towards the end of week three of the GYST challenge and hopefully you're having some fun, learning some stuff, being honest with yourself, dealing with those motivational peaks and troughs, overcoming a few challenges and being very realistic and practical about creating some forever change.
As you head into this weekend, plan to succeed. Expect good. De-emotionalise the change process (a little)... think less.. do more. Be organised, be determined, stay focused and get your head where it needs to be to do what you want to do over the long term. You know what the potential stumbling blocks are for you... so anticipate, plan and excel. Some of us (not you but perhaps someone you know...) seem to have a history of taking our foot off the pedal over the weekend; to drop the ball. The weekend should not be an opportunity to lose momentum... but we seem to make it that.
Take care Groovers, I know you've all missed your cyberhug... so here... ( ) take that! Looking forward to those amazing updates on Monday...
When it comes to excuses, I've heard them all. And made up a few of my own too.
In fact, I am a fully-qualified Excuse-ologist. Excuse-ology (the study of excuse making) is a fascinating but little-known science. Okay, I developed it. And graduated in it from the University of Harper. I keep that qualification low-key and don't put it on my business card for reasons which will become apparent.
In the course of my work, I have spent time with more excuse-makers than most and I have studied them closely. They are a curious breed. They are usually members of the 'I'm-continually-not-doing-stuff-for-a-very-legitimate-sounding-reason' fraternity.
If there's a way to delay something, avoid responsibility or to ignore an important issue altogether, they'll find it. And while they typically like the sound of their own voice, they don't want to be studied too closely. Or contradicted. Or questioned.
However, I have had little choice but to study them, as they have constantly made their way into my laboratory.
Interestingly, many of them have their own PhD. In bullshit. And numerous under-grad degrees in anger, delusion, blame, denial, pessimism and procrastination.
They are also often graduates of the "but you don't understand my life" School of Self-Pity.
When they're not speaking they can be hard to identify in a crowd... because outwardly they look like any regular member of the species; two arms, a couple of legs, a head and some hair. Seemingly normal.
It's only when they open their mouth that they identify themselves and bring themselves undone. They have what's known clinically as 'excuse-itis'. And colloquially as linguistic diarrhoea.
If you are unlucky enough to spend any length of time with individuals suffering from the condition (excuse-itis) you would be well advised to either (1) carry a shovel or (2) stand well back when conversing... lest you drown in the constant stream of crap that is most likely to come out of their mouth.
Unlike sufferers of other conditions, many people with excuse-itis won't even acknowledge that they have it as they often also suffer from another interesting but lesser known social disease: head-up-my-own-butt-itis... (H.U.M.O.B). HUMOB renders sufferers incapable of taking advice, direction or constructive feedback.
And is most prevalent amongst politicians.
Even though a very effective treatment (a topical cream to be rubbed on the head of patients) was developed in the late seventies, unfortunately it proved to make little impact as: 1) Most sufferers wouldn't acknowledge that they needed treatment and 2) They always found an excuse to avoid using the medication.
The cream (Excusinator 4000) was subsequently withdrawn from the market in the early eighties and tragically, the condition continued to proliferate.
However, there has been some anecdotal evidence to suggest that Excusinator 4000 is still available today on the black market and numerous stories of frustrated wives smearing it on their excuse-making husbands as they sleep, abound.
Today excuse-itis is one of the largest threats and most debilitating conditions to not only global health, but humanity as a whole.
It affects:
Our health... "both my parents are big-boned also; it's genetic.."... "It's the healthiest thing I could find..."
Our fitness... "I'm pretty sure it's a hamstring strain... I'll need a few weeks off"
Friendships... "I would have helped you out but I honestly didn't have the time.."
Families... "I would play with the kids but I think I'm still contagious ...."
Careers... "I would have been here on time but I got robbed in the car park.." International relations... "They fired at us first..."
Well , there you have it; a quick overview of a very debilitating condition.
Excuse-itis.... it's insidious, it's rampant, it's ruining lives an it may even be contagious, so be careful who you mix with.
And if by some chance you do contract it.. get yerself some of that black market Excusinator 4000 and apply liberally...
We all need it to get us to our destination. To maximise our chances of achieving our goals. It's a crucial ingredient in the personal development process. Yet so many of us seem to be masters of the stop-start approach, never really getting out of first gear... while others, perhaps with less talent, resources, opportunity and potential, always seem to find a way to get out of first and build towards a nice cruising speed. They are the masters of momentum. They get it. The relationship between momentum and results, that is.
High achievers know how to create it and more importantly, maintain it. They're not obsessed with personal comfort, convenience or 'easy'. They understand it's significance and are experts at keeping the wheels turning. You might have a Ferrari at your disposal but if the motor's not running and the wheels aren't turning... it's taking you nowhere. Great resource, but not if you don't use it.
Potentially, it could be the greatest ride of your life... but no momentum equals no progress, no change. You're staying in the garage. Some of us have spent years sitting in that garage, warming the motor but never engaging a gear. So much potential under the hood... but so much fear, complacency, laziness and procrastination in the driver's seat. We've threatened much. Delivered little. For far too long.
It might be said that we are the stagnation generation (emotionally and psychologically, not technologically)... constantly swimming in circles. Or perhaps the procrastination nation. Flying in that holding pattern. Forever.
Momentum is that irresistible force that keeps us doing what we need to do and moving in the right direction, irrespective of how we're 'feeling' on a given day. The greater the momentum we create... the greater our chance of success.
And when we're not excited, motivated or 'in the zone', it doesn't really matter because we have created enough overall momentum to keep moving towards our goals anyway. Momentum is that thing which keeps us on track even when we're having a 'bad day'. It's what keeps us in the game when others having already walked to the bench.
You need it. I need it. And we need to know how to create it.
A few definitions... Momentum is: 1. A measure of the motion of a body equal to the product of its mass and velocity. Also called linear momentum 2. Impetus of a physical object in motion. 3. Impetus of a nonphysical process, such as an idea or a course of events 4. The tendency of a person or group to repeat recent success.
If you are serious about creating life-changing, forever results... then you need to create enough momentum so that you can't fail. And when those hurdles/challenges/obstacles arise (and they will), you will have no choice but to stay on track... because the momentum you've created won't allow you to sabotage yourself like you have so many times before.
Imagine going on a ten mile bike ride and choosing to ride the whole journey (hesitantly and fearfully) at two mph. What's gonna happen?
1) You're gonna hate that trip because it's gonna take five hours and be very painful! 2) You'll get frustrated because it feels like you're getting nowhere. 3) It will be impossible to ride that slow (with such little momentum).. for that long, so you'll have to stop. When there's such little momentum it's actually harder to keep going than it is to stop. So most people stop. And many of us are riding at two mph (right now). 4) The smallest obstacle (a little rock perhaps) will throw you off course because you haven't created enough momentum.
But what happens when we start to increase the momentum and complete that same ride at say, twenty mph?
1) We make much greater progress. 2) We're happier and more motivated. 3) Because of the greater momentum, it's far easier to keep moving forward than it is to stop. 4) Once we have the momentum, we actually expend less energy for a much better result. 5) We don't even notice the little rocks; our momentum is such that we go right over them.
When I work with people, I usually focus on two key areas:
Emotional and psychological momentum. This is all about getting our head and heart when they need to be to create forever change. We can do this a few ways:
1) Spend time with people who motivate, inspire, challenge and teach you. Hanging out with high-achievers rubs off... you'll start to think, communicate and create differently. Hanging out with Mr (or Mrs) Woe-is-me (or a whole bunch of them) will give you the opposite.
2) Make a public commitment (as you GYSTers have done) - not necessarily to thousands of people on a web-site but maybe to family and friends. Overall this creates a greater level of responsibility, accountability, excitement and expectation... and typically (but not always) creates better results.
3) Forming habits - once something has become a habit (good or bad), we do it automatically. We don't have to constantly d-r-a-g our sorry asses up to the challenge. High achievers have (good) habits which have been programmed in over months and years of... doing. When a certain behaviour is a habit, then not doing what we should... isn't a consideration. And that's what we want. Why do you clean your teeth every morning? Because the thought of not cleaning them doesn't even occur to you right?... well that is how we need to be with other positive habits and behaviours.
4) Having a coach or an accountability partner. Someone who will call you on your BS, encourage you and kick your ass... all at the same time. This proves to be a great strategy for many people. Having someone that you respect (probably don't choose your best friend) involved in the process is often a more effective method for creating momentum (than flying solo).
5) And of course goal setting and planning... but we probably don't need to go over this again; you get it.
Practical momentum. This is about having practical things in place which keep us doing.
Being enrolled in a course. Having an exercise partner. Signing up for an eight-week fitness boot camp. Volunteering to do some regular work with a charity. Having non-negotiable weekly appointments or commitments (like a GYST update). Having non-negotiable responsibilities... stuff to do for yourself or others. Being a part of a team working towards a common goal. Or any practical commitment which will ensure that you keep doing what you need to do.
I'm sure that right now you could think of at least one practical way to create some momentum in your life. But thinking it and doing it.... different. And that's the challenge right?
So if you've been the master of hesitation and procrastination, maybe it's your time to create some life-changing momentum. Once and for all. Stop riding that bike at two mph and start pedalling a bit quicker. Or maybe it's time to put that Ferrari in first.
You'll enjoy the wind in your hair and the momentum is a rush.
* Let's take our serious "what's the meaning of life" hats off today... and have some fun. Just because we can. Sometimes the deep and meaningful gets a little emotionally cumbersome, even for moi. Today's the day for some silliness. A chuckle perhaps.
So, what is it with Spiderman? And Batman? As Superheroes go, surely they are the lamest ever? I totally don't get their popularity.
At least Spiderman has that stupid web-shooting thing going on (clearly the dumbest super power of all time).. but what about the bloke in the plastic bat suit with the moulded fake abs? He should be embarrassed to leave his stupid cave in his stupid fibreglass car.
And he doesn't even have super powers! None! He's a super impostor. Not super at all! He's just a rich weirdo who likes dressing up. How on earth did he get his own TV show?
And don't even talk to me about his impotent side-kick Robin; an absolute blight on the Superhero landscape. He's the star attraction in the Superhero hall of shame. They only put him on the show because they hoped his lame-ness (yep, a word) would make Bat-head look half decent and almost credible. It didn't.
And waddabout Wonder Woman? Kinda hot and her invisible plane is pretty cool but overall, a super-dud. Lame-arama. How's a ninety pound Superhero with a fifteen-inch waist and two inches of make-up gonna save me from any bad guys? She ain't!! How can I respect a Superhero who has arms like my mum (mom)? I can't. For me, a Superhero has gotta be built like a Superhero. Even the chicks.
The Hulk is kinda cool and I dig his arms and delts but he ain't really a hero. More a mutant. And I guess it's hard to find an appropriate outfit when you have a ninety inch chest and you're green.
Speaking of mutants, those turtles sure got some good press in the eighties didn't they? And while I find the concept of a super-baby (Kal-El) being placed in an escape rocket by his father (Jor-El) and sent to Earth from the planet Krypton, where he grew up to become my favourite Superhero completely reasonable... I can't get my head around the concept of one (or four) of the world's slowest reptiles being ass-kicking, athletic, karate experts... who can speak! But that's just me.
Let's be honest, all boys want super powers. And some girls. I'm told. Growing up, most kids dream of having some of those special ass-kicking, bar-bending, freakazoid... abilities. I was no different. Er.. am no different. I so wanna be able to fly.
Only child; possibly too much time on my hands.
But back to my personal fave Superdude. The Man of Steel. Can't go past the big guy with the chiseled jaw and the 'S' on his chest. He has always been the epitome of an Uberhero for me.
Catches bad guys, can fly (so cool... and very handy), is super strong, has super hearing, can see through stuff (so wanted that ability when I was fourteen), can push meteors off their deadly trajectory, is buffed and has a hot (albeit easily fooled) girl.
Admittedly I'm not a massive fan of the cape or the body suit but the 'S' is cool and I guess he woulda looked somewhat less than 'super' patrolling the globe in jeans and a T shirt. Or some sensible slacks and a cardigan perhaps. Okay, we'll stick with the cape.
I just asked one of my (young) trainers who his favourite Super Hero is and he said 'Wolverine'. What the the heck is a 'Wolverine'? Sounds like a fruit to me.
"I'll have four bananas and a pound of Wolverines thanks."
Clearly, I'm a little out of touch and I have some Superhero researching to do.
Tell me who your fave (and least fave) Superheroes and why. (And don't be disrespecting my homie Superman either!)
Hello GYSTers. Ron D, Madelyn (the writer), Ute, Ellen, Greg, Justice, Elle, Michelle (Tasmania), Tami 2, Moyra, Melissa (New Zealand), ST and her anonymous sister, Ceridwen, Doug (New Mexico), Lili Ann, Sandi, Angela, Barb J, Anne, Jessie, Leigh, Jodie, Elroy, Sue Reid, Diane (Sydney), Leah K, Jess K, Dee Britton, Kirsten, KK, Virginia (Melbourne), Clare H, Tim (Chicago), Kate, Pip, Miss Beck, Sal, Frank, Louie (Phoenix), Jen (Mildura), Ganesh (India), Tami (US), Barney, Kaddy, Snoskred, Julie (Hobart), Kerry, Finn, April Groves, M, Dianned1, Amanda B, Amber Jordon, Debbie, Irene N, Kristy, Leann, Pip Dodds, tlee, Andy, Charmaine Connolly, Kelvin (US) and Sepyroth...
It's Monday here in the Land Down Under - as it will soon be for you Northern Hemisphere(rs)... and that means it's GYST UPDATE DAY! Yay. Giddy-up Groovers. Two weeks down, two to go. Right NOW (half way through the Challenge) is when many people find a reason to stop doing what they should be. In terms of creating forever change, the key is not what you do when you're motivated and in the zone... but rather what you do when the fun factor has died down... like now (for some of you). Do NOT let the wheels fall off your GYST wagon... or I will hunt you down and pull your armpit hairs. Very hard.
* Before I start, let me say that I don't have the definitive answer to this discussion (or any); I don't think there is one when it comes to this topic. Like most, I'm still exploring it... which is why I have chosen to make it just that; a discussion. An interactive chat. A group exploration. I'll open the door on it and you guys can come in and chat.
I would like to know your thoughts and feelings on the subject because I'm sure you're gonna have some and it's relevant to every person on the planet. It's probably the ONE topic which is of universal interest. And I know you can teach me and the rest of the group a thing or two if you want to.
Hi Guys. Hope you're enjoying (or enjoyed) your weekend.
I've had fun so far... worked on a couple of radio stations, spent hours in the studio and had an interesting on-air chat with the principle of a very wealthy, high-profile school here in Australia which is about to start teaching 'positive psychology' as an integral part of it's curriculum in 2008. Described by some as 'Happiness 101'.
This subject is now taught in numerous colleges and graduate schools around the US (over 200) and has been largely driven (championed is maybe a better word) by a US psychologist named Dr. Marty Seligman. I've read a little of what the good Doc says (it all seems reasonable) and, as I said, spoke to the school principle who is spending sixteen million dollars (that's some school) on a 'wellness centre' for his students (which will incorporate the positive psychology stuff).
The interesting discussion with Mr School Principle got the cogs in my small but curious brain turning.
In a recent magazine article here in Australia (Good Weekend Magazine) the 'science' of happiness was explored (this was the catalyst for the radio interview). It seems that (according to the article anyway) despite all our stuff (resources, technology, money, education, toys) we're no happier... in fact overall, probably less happy.
Apparently, it's now something we need to teach. We're losing (or have lost) the skill. Is happiness a skill? Or a mindset? A way of being perhaps? Can it be learned?
I was amazed to read that depression is now ten times more prevalent than it was fifty years ago... dunno about that stat... but that's what was reported in this article. Maybe we're just more aware now. More educated about depression perhaps. Hmm.
I have some amazing memories of spending time on a little Island in Vanuatu called Espiritu Santo a few years back, where I made some great friends who taught me all about genuine happiness. They weren't trying to teach me anything... but they did.
No electricity, no TV, no radio, little money, no bank accounts.... lots of fun, lots of laughs, lots of love, an old guitar with four strings and lots of happiness. Wonder who taught them? Probably did that positive psychology course by correspondence.
Watch your step, you may trip on my sarcasm.
By the way, I'm not being critical of the program, it's introduction into schools or the notion of exploring positive psychology... I guess it's just a weird (but insightful) commentary on where we are at as a society when we have to take classes (at college level no less) on how to be happy.
Maybe we should just send our kids for a semester of 'Life 101' on the island of Espiritu Santo with my islander brother, McKenzie (his first name).
In the magazine article, the comparison was made between feeling good (chasing or partaking in something which makes us feel good for a while - food, drugs, sex, a new dress) and doing good (helping others, being generous with our time, money, skills)... and which might provide us with a greater level of long-term and overall happiness.
In a way, the self-ish verses self-less debate.
But the million dollar question has to be... what is happiness? Is it different things for different people? Can it be defined? Is it a psychological state? An emotional state? A spiritual plane? A combination of the lot perhaps? A myth? None of the above?
How do we know when we're there? What are the symptoms? Er, signs?
What if we have all the 'happiness ingredients' but we're still not happy? Perhaps there's something wrong with our wiring? Or maybe the 'ingredients' need to be different for every individual? Maybe there are no 'set' ingredients? Maybe we keep changing the 'happiness rules'? Constantly raising the 'happiness bar'? Subconsciously pushing it out of our own reach? Self-inflicted misery?
Strangely, some of us seem determined to find our way back to unhappiness.
Some psychologists teach us that... if we are needed, wanted, appreciated, stimulated and loved... we should be pretty happy. But what if we're not?
Is happiness a four-year old squealing with delight as her dad pushes her on a swing? Or is that a momentary emotional state? Temporary euphoria? Excitement? Joy perhaps? And when she starts crying once the swing stops does that mean the happiness has stopped? Or perhaps she's just a brat? Or just a kid who wants to be swinging?
Is true happiness something that is (for the most part) always there? Like that deep sense of contentment, inner peace, satisfaction and calm that we might guess someone like the Dalai Lama takes everywhere with him? That deep sense of knowing that we are in the right place, doing the right thing? Maybe it's impossible to be happy all the time? Or not.
Every religion has an opinion on it. And also a level of "we're right and they're wrong" in their theology (psychology/philosophy). Religious arrogance always amuses me. Seems a little contradictory to me. But then again, I'm just a simple gym owner. Not as enlightened as some, I s'pose.
Maybe happiness is the absence of certain things? Fear, frustration, hate, illness, pain and insecurity... for example.
Surely different things make different people happy. So maybe happiness is an individual response to a range of varied stimuli? For one person, a crying baby might be a source of great happiness but for another.... Not so much!
And what about things which once made us happy... but not any more? Because we've changed. Maybe for the worse. Maybe we make ourselves miserable... focusing on what we don't have... rather than enjoying what we do?
Perhaps we don't really know how to appreciate what, or who we have in our life? Some people suggest that living in an environment where we have so many choices (check out the cereal selection at your supermarket) has led some of us to being perpetually dissatisfied, always wanting more, always looking over the fence. Always believing that a bigger, better or newer version (of whatever) will make us happy.
Finding misery in an otherwise pretty cool life seems to be a common skill these days.
Perhaps we're too analytical? Perhaps our tendency to analyse and re-analyse every single facet of our lives inside-out and upside-down has turned us into a bunch of neurotic, self-absorbed, insecure, needy Sigmund Freud-wannabees?
Perhaps all this 'therapy' has made us more dysfunctional? Maybe we think and talk about it too much? Maybe I shouldn't publish this article? Maybe I'm helping perpetuate the problem? Or not.
Maybe we should spend less time trying to make ourselves happy and more time and energy trying to make others happy... and in doing so... we'd make ourselves happy! That'd be cool.
Hey, I'm back at the selfish verses selfless debate aren't I?
Maybe there's something in that?
* Okay, I know you have an opinion... get off the fence and let's hear it.
(However, I have a 'no preaching' rule. If you get all self-righteous, judgemental, critical and preachy on me.. you won't be published. Thoughts, ideas, opinions and general discussion; great. Sermons; not great).
G'day you highly-motivated, tough-as-nails, indestructible, ass-kicking, take-no-prisoners, get-outa-my-way.... GYSTers.
Heading towards the end of week two (well the working-week anyway) of the GYST Challenge and I'm guessing that you're all doing some cool stuff and enjoying the change journey. But maybe I'm being a little presumptuous. You can let me know.
Remember this Challenge is not the journey, it's the beginning of the journey. So stop thinking four weeks!!! Consciously focusing on the Challenge but subconsciously preparing for a life-time of different (new and improved) is where your head and your heart should be at. Four-week thinking is what brings us undone. Everybody can change for a while... but we're not about a while... we're about a life.
Remember that forever change ain't about motivation, emotion, hope, luck or Craig's Challenge. It's about commitment, attitude, toughness , discipline and self control over the long haul.
Today I thought I would provide a little relevant revision as we slide our highly-disciplined selves into the weekend. Not normal for me to re-publish anything but the vibe I'm getting is that the wheels may be a little wobbly for some of you (in terms of the creating-your-best-life-forever... stuff) and rather than me re-writing (essentially) the same material (about the same issues) I thought we may re-take a lesson. Or two.
The following is taken from some of my past posts but don't worry, I asked myself if I could plagiarise me and apparently it's okay. As long as I know. I get so mad at me when I do things behind my back. The other day I had to give myself a good talking to.
Revision LessonOne: 1. Be completely realistic and practical (not to be confused with negative) about the change process. Don't try and undo twenty years of bad behaviours and habits by next Tuesday. Don't try and change fifty things at once. Identify your key challenges/concerns for you right now and approach those methodically, practically and sensibly. Short, medium and long-term plans and goals.
2. Know that FOREVER change works from the inside out. If you want forever change on the outside, you need to be forever different on the inside. Not some temporary, manufactured, pseudo-change but real-deal internal change. From today you need to think, choose, react, communicate and create different(ly).
3. Know that FOREVER change ain't always easy or fun but it is always rewarding and amazing. If you're after easy... you may wanna (1) change that thinking or (2) get another goal. As soon as we stop looking for easy and start looking for effective, then we start to see forever change. It's in the 'doing' that we get the growing and the changing. Shortcuts are an illusion. We've got more weight-loss shortcuts (available) than ever before... we've never been fatter. We're up to our neck in get-rich-quick schemes... we've never been more in debt. Rest my case. 4. Plan for life beyond the emotion. Once the euphoria, the excitement and hype die down... which they always do (to some extent), you need to cope with the (occasional) lack of motivation and drive. Motivation (as we experience it) is temporary so we need to 'do' even when we don't 'feel' like it. Forever change ain't about motivation; it's about attitude, commitment, discipline, self-control and strength of character over time. 5. Get stuff done early in the day. Being productive early gets your head where it needs to be for the day. If it's not convenient or practical, do it anyway. Find a way.
6. Plan for life beyond the initial four weeks. While your immediate focus is the GYST Challenge, forever change is about the next four decades, not these four weeks. The Challenge is the beginning. It's you opening the door to the rest of your life.
7. Lose your short-term mindset. While many people are consciously focused on a short term goal or project, they are also subconsciously waiting for the finish line... so they can revert to 'normal.' While they want to change or break that habit, deep down they don't actually believe it will be a forever thing... and therein lies the problem Grasshopper(s). This ain't another 'phase' or an 'attempt'. Unless you make it that.
8. Get absolute clarity and certainty about what you want. Too many people are indecisive, fluffy, wishy-washy (it's a word) and vague about what they want their future to look like. Heading in 'the general direction' won't get you to a destination. Get clear and passionate about what you want for your life.
9. Do something out of character. Shock yourself and others. Be less predictable. Be adventurous and ballsy. Take a risk or five. If you always do what you've always done... you'll always get what you've always got. So do different to create different. Consistently.
10. Accountability. Have something or someone to keep you honest.
Revision Lesson Two: Got a buddy (surprising I know) who is always just about to turn his life (career, body, relationships, finances, living situation) around. Spoken about him once before. Always at the threshold of something amazing. Always about to re-invent himself. Never actually doing anything... but always about to.
Always got a plan... never actually doing anything with it... but always got one. He's the plan man. Talks a great game but never gets off the bench. By choice. Got all the answers. In theory. If life was a theory... he'd be a champion. Wants great.. but chooses crap. Keeping in mind that.. doingnothing... is a choice.
Saw him yesterday. We had that conversation. The same one we have every year. The.. "I've realised a few things about myself lately, I know I've wasted a lot of time and I know you don't believe me Craig.. but it's gonna be different this time"... conversation.
It was like groundhog day. And I was Bill Murray. With biceps.
All that talent and all those brains... if only he'd put 'em to use.
It's like owning a Ferrari but never taking it out of the garage. So much potential, so many possibilities and yet he leaves the super-car in the garage and 'drives' a thirty year-old Toyota.
If only he'd stop reading, hoping, planning, researching (sitting on the couch), thinking (procrastinating), talking (making more excuses) and actually do something (for more than a week), he could do, create and be... amazing. Because he's a smart, talented guy who's wasting his potential. And time.
If only he'd stop waiting for the planets to align and an angel to visit him in his sleep with instructions from the Almighty.... If only.
Some of us are going to wake up tomorrow (seemingly) and it will be 2012.
Five years will have passed and September 2007 will seem like yesterday... and not because we have an amazing memory.. but because nothing will have changed in our life. We will have done nothing new or different. Despite the fact that we desperately want... new and different.
Some of us will still be doing the same things, the same way, in the same situations and circumstances and still having the same issues and the same conversations with the same people and struggling with the same problems... five years from now.
But for some of us, it won't be the same. It will be worse.
And not because we can't change.. but because we don't. And we will be frustrated. Possibly angry. Yet again.
And some of us will still be doingthethings that (today) we swear we're abouttochange (give up, stop, fix, address)... will still be held captive to those destructive habits.. and still be finding reasons to rationalise the life-we-don't-want.. but continue to inhabit.
And again we will justify and explain our failure to do what needs to be done. And again we will hope the 'change fairy' turns up while we sleep... and fixes our life.
Or maybe we'll beat ourselves up yet again and continue to feel sorry for ourselves... because nobody has it as tough as us. And nobody understands our situation.
Fortunately, it ain't all doom and gloom. Thank goodness. The good news is we don't need to (stagnate). Really. The good news is that we can create amazing results (in way less than five years) if we do a few simple (but not necessarily easy) things.
And no, this is not some psycho-babble, feel-good, positive-thinking crap; I have too little spare time to sit at my computer and write rubbish. This is truth. This is an absolute possibility... if you believeit and make it real for you.
This is not me trying to make you feel good or get you in a positive frame of mind for ten minutes. No, this is me talking to you about the practicalities and realities of changing your life. I'm not trying to motivate you... I'm trying to beat you into action. Because action creates change. And motivation (the feeling) lasts five minutes.
I have worked with MANY people who have created amazing results (in a relatively short period of time) with limited talent, skills or resources because they simply got to that point. And when people get there... stuff happens. Big stuff. Different-forever... stuff.
If only we can get out of our own way, we can achieve greatness. Sometimes my biggest hurdle... is me? And I know all about this stuff! Waddabout you?
If today we are prepared to get real (serious), change our mindset, change our behaviours and take total responsibility for who we are, where we are and why we are.. then tomorrow (yes tomorrow) our life will be different because we will be different.
And when wechange, our life changes.
If you want your life (or parts of it) to be incredibly different in five years (or way less), there are a few no-brainers yer gotta get yer head around and do something about:
(1) As a rule, there is no perfect time. Waiting for the perfect time is another name for procrastination.
(2) The decisions we make (or don't) and the things we do (or don't) today will shape what our reality looks like 1, 2, 5 years from now. Not making a decision... is making a decision.
(3) If nothing changes (attitude, behaviours), nothing changes (reality, results).
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over.. and expecting a different outcome"... yetthis is what many of us do every day of our lives.
I know you know this... call it a reminder.
(4) If you don't address (do something about) what has held you back in the past (laziness, apathy, ignorance, fear, lack of preparation, attitude, inconsistency) you will continue to spin your wheels and stay where you are.
(5) Your biggest challenge will always be you (specifically your thoughts and your emotions),not your boss, not your genetics, not your bank balance, not your situation or circumstance, not your parents and their lack of support or understanding and not your ability or lack thereof.
(6) You can't be objective about you. Consider involving someone (in your change process) who will tell you what you need to hear, encourage you, support you and slap you in the back of the head periodically.
(7) Create time lines and work ferociously towards them. You need to create and maintain momentum... time lines help.
(8) Live with purpose. Get excited about stuff. Get passionate. Get off your ass. If you wanna create amazing... yer gotta do amazing. Stop walking around like a lame-ass and wondering why your life is crap. (Surely a 'real' mentor wouldn't speak like that??!)
(9) Make some significant decisions today. Now. Even though they may not be easy, convenient, practical, comfortable or popular. Make them because your life needs to change.
(10) Many people let their past determine their future... when in fact what we've achieved, done or experienced to this point in time has little or nothing to do with what we may do or be in the future.
Now... if you actually use this stuff (verses reading it and forgetting it) your reality will change forever. Think about how many of my articles (and others) you've read (over the months) and said "Yep... he's exactly right....I need to change... Yep, that all makes sense...Yep, I'm doin' it...." and then you've done nothing. Much. Am I right?
COME ON!!! Get off the merry-go-round!!!!!!!!!
And to: Ron D, Madelyn (the writer), Ute, Ellen, Greg, Justice, Elle, Michelle (Tasmania), Tami 2, Moyra, Melissa (New Zealand), ST and her anonymous sister, Ceridwen, Doug (New Mexico), Lili Ann, Sandi, Angela, Barb J, Anne, Jessie, Leigh, Jodie, Elroy, Sue Reid, Diane (Sydney), Leah K, Jess K, Dee Britton, Kirsten, KK, Virginia (Melbourne), Clare H, Tim (Chicago), Kate, Pip, Miss Beck, Sal, Frank, Louie (Phoenix), Jen (Mildura), Ganesh (India), Tami (US), Barney, Kaddy, Snoskred, Julie (Hobart), Kerry, Finn, April Groves, M, Dianned1, Amanda B, Amber Jordon, Debbie, Irene N, Kristy, Leann, Pip Dodds, tlee, Andy, Charmaine Connolly, Kelvin (US) and Sepyroth...you're doing great... keep it up.
At the risk of sounding like a self-indulgent box-head, I thought I would do this exercise for the simple reason that I get regular emails from people who (curiously) want to know more about me. I'm not that exciting but here goes nuthin....
1. I'm an only child.
2. I'm left handed. I write and play tennis (all racquet sports) left handed and play golf and cricket right handed.
3. My best friend is Vin... he's a man's, man... has a 'real' job (works on an oil rig) and wonders when I'll get one (a real job not an oil rig).
4. In 1990 I ruptured my pec (tore my chest muscle off the bone) bench pressing. It hurt.
5. When I was young-ish (and silly) I worked for three years (three nights per week) as a... err.... crowd control technician (bouncer). I got hit a lot. That may explain a few things.
6. I got head-butted and had my nose broken in the first hour of my bouncing 'career.' It also hurt. My mother doesn't know this story. Er, didn't. Dad... don't tell her.
7. I have played guitar since I was eight. I'm not as good as I think I am.
8. I once went through a three-year obsessive running phase where I ran twice a day, every day of the year.
9. My middle name is Anthony.
10. When I was twenty(ish) I established a screen printing business. It did okay. I sold it a year later.
11. I was engaged (as in, to be married) in my early twenties. The wedding didn't happen. Lucky girl. I may or may not have commitment issues.
12. I owned and rode motorbikes (on the road) for five years before my mother even knew I could ride.
13. My parents hate motorbikes and hate that I ride.
14. As an adult my weight has fluctuated between 176lbs/79kgs (runner) and 257/117kgs (bodybuilder and occasional fatty giratty).
15. I would love to do stand up comedy but I am too gutless. I love comedy and I love clever, creative comics. The thought of talking on TV to a million people doesn't bother me at all but the thought of doing stand-up in front of fifty people terrifies me.
16. I have two offices. Here (home) and at one of my gyms (Harper's). I work most days until lunch time in complete solitude and silence (at home) and then I head in to the mayhem that is the gym.
17. I was called Jumbo all through school. Even when I lost the weight.
18. I cut my own hair fortnightly.
19. I can spin a basketball on any finger on my left hand for as long as I want. I perfected this skill when I was a teenager. My parents didn't see the point. It seemed to make sense at the time.
20. When I wasn't an obsessive runner (when I was young), I was an obsessive bodybuilder... following the how-big-can-get-for-no-sensible-reason program. This also drove my mother nuts. I was annoying.
21. For my twenty-first birthday some friends (who own a poultry farm) gave me a box of fifteen dozen eggs as a present... I ate them all within two weeks.
22. I have had girlfriends called Liz, Lizzie, Libby, Linda, Lindy and Leanne. Next time I'll tell you about the M's.
23. I have cheesecake issues.
24. I don't drink alcohol ever. I have never been drunk.
25. I have never taken a recreational drug.
26. I have great vision with my right eye and crap vision with my left. So if you wanna attack me.. do it from the left.
27. I had two operations on my left eye when I was young and wore glasses with a patch on my right eye to make my left stronger (so 1970's)... it didn't work. But geeez I was sexy. Just what a fat ten year-old needs; a patch. Nice.
28. Some of my friends say I'm a perfectionist and periodically childish. What would they know? Am not, you are.
29. On a trip to Sweden I went for a run in -6 (temp) in a singlet and shorts. When I walked through the hotel foyer in my singlet (on the way out the door) the concierge told me that I would freeze. I told him I would warm up as I ran. I didn't. It hurt a lot. Clearly, I am stupid.
30. I was born in a country town called Ballarat in Victoria... I was gorgeous.
31. Until I was one.
32. I have worn a 'slave bracelet' on my right wrist for twelve years. It doesn't (can't) come off. It has no clip or catch. It has my initials and the initials of one of my best friends who died, on it. He was my first trainer, we worked together all day every day. His name was Matt. I still miss him.
33. I trained an AFL team (NFL equivalent) for three years (St. KildaFC).
34. I once owned a beauty salon (for four years). No, I didn't work there.
35. I can't drink coffee because I have an arrhythmia - the caffeine affects my heart beat.
36. I have an original KISS pinball machine in my kitchen. It works. Chicks dig it. But not as much as blokes.
37. I'm not sure... but I think I have a man-crush on Matt Damon. I'm okay with that.
38. I have a 'thing' about body odour. I don't get how stinky people can't smell their stink, when we can smell them from fifty feet.
39. I eat vegetables but I'm not a fan of fruit. Fruit Schmuit. Lions don't eat bananas.
40. When I was nineteen I lived in Western Australia (other side of the country) and worked on a construction site during the day (as a rigger-working up high), in a gym in the early evening (as an instructor) and in a club at night (getting punched by drunk blokes).
41. I have (personally) completed over 40,000 personal training sessions (since 1987). My trainers currently complete about 80,000 sessions (individual appointments) annually.
42. Most days of my life I eat oats, unprocessed bran and skim milk for breakfast. I am an excitement machine.
43. I have a business partner called Sam who owns the kid's gym (Gecko) with me. He is annoyingly good looking. The Yummy Mummies (Mommies) don't even notice me. He (essentially) runs that gym by himself. He's ace.
44. I have a junior business partner (Mikey) who owns Harper's with me. He's learning the managerial ropes and doing great. Last week I bought him his first (brand new) motorbike. Right now he's lovin' me a lot. I'm gonna milk that for a while.
45. I'm the least handy bloke in the world. Don't get stuck on an island with me. I can tell you about the meaning of life and explain gluco-neogenesis but I won't be able to open that friggin' coconut or start a fire with those two sticks.
46. I'm single. There's a shock.
47. In 1999 I went to South Africa to do some charity work with kids suffering from HIV. I went with my buddy Bryan for a Charity he founded called Door of Hope. It made me realise how pathetic and precious I was.
48. While I'm an only kid, my parents are both one of six. My dad has a twin brother. I don't know him.
49. I do about one hundred talks per year. At least three of them are good.
50. A year ago I didn't know what a blog was and then the bald man (Johnnie) came into my life. Love you Baldy.
Do you ever marvel at some people's uncanny ability to make the simple, complex? The straight forward, anything but?
A ten minute task, a two week saga?
I meet these people every day. Please stop sending them my way. They are the woe-is-me brigade. The Brothers (and Sisters) Grim. (The real Brothers Grimm were two German dudes who published a bunch of folk stories and fairy tales about two hundred years ago... that's for those of you who aren't as old as me!!).
Yep, some people spend their whole lives making stuff complicated. More complicated than it needs to be anyway.
Relationships... a constant soap-opera. Career... messy and problematic. Getting in shape... a perpetual roller-coaster of losing and gaining. Finances... a daily money melodrama.
If you didn't know better, you might think that some people actually revel in the drama and attention.
In Australia we have a curious creature known colloquially as the 'Drama Queen'. They are both male and female and their natural habitat is... everywhere. Unfortunately. They are the poster boys (and girls) for the art of complication. They are also another cousin of the Energy Vampire.
I'm all for dealing with the (genuine) complications and the tough stuff that life throws at us, but I'm not for making things more difficult than they need to be. Or making a mountain out of a molehill. (So 1963 that expression... I love it).
When people come to talk to me about getting in shape (dropping some weight for example), I will invariably give them some highly complex and extremely scientific advice:
Move a bunch more, eat a bunch less. Get yer heart rate up. Get a bit sweaty. Do it consistently. See ya next time.
It's very simple... but people still don't do it.
That look of disappointment on their face is hilarious. They think that I might let them in on some little-known scientific weight-loss secret. Give them a shortcut perhaps. A pill maybe.
Wave my magic wand. Pull a six-pack outa my hat.
"Okay, here it is Mr Smith... put in less calories than you expend.. and you'll lose fat." "Do it for long enough and you'll lose a buncha fat."
"Too complicated for you?" "Taking notes?" "Should I talk slower?" "Any questions?"
"Mr Smith.. where are you going?" "Mr Smith...?" "Come back here fatty..."
The problem is that we don't actually want simple, we want painless. And effortless. And simple... ain't always painless. Or effortless. Or easy. And we love... easy.
(Dear English Profs, I know I shouldn't start all those sentences with 'And', so save yourself some key strokes).
Some of the most effective (and simple) strategies for creating real change (in many areas of our lives), require us to get uncomfortable. Yes, it's uncomfortable but it's also kinda simple, straight forward.
Some of us have an aversion to discomfort because we're spoiled, precious babies who want amazing results without the effort. And amazing doesn't work like that. Get your head around that concept and you'll make some progress instantly.
We are constantly looking for quick fixes and miracle solutions because we love shortcuts. But the reality is that shortcuts don't produce forever change and ironically, they (shortcuts) often lead to complications(!) down the track. Weird huh?
Interestingly, the more we don't deal with stuff (avoid discomfort, put our head in the sand, look for shortcuts), the more dysfunctional and the less capable we become. Ironic, when we consider that actually dealing with pain and discomfort is where the real growth and learning comes from.
Some simple (uncomplicated) science for those who wanna drop a few pounds: (Not that this post was meant to be about weight-loss... but I thought I'd chuck it in to demonstrate the simplicity of change).
(1) Body-fat is essentially stored energy (calories). (2) If you expend more than you put in, you'll be in energy deficit. (3) If you're in deficit your body will have to 'find' some energy from somewhere. (4) It will find it on your ass (or close by). (5) If you are in energy deficit of 500 calories per day (a coke and a cookie), you'll lose about one pound (0.4kg) of fat per week.
Not complicated at all.
Yes, there's a little more to it and a few other variables, but for the vast majority of us our key weight loss/management strategy should be to put less food in our mouth and move our body more. Full stop.
Yet we continue to find new and exciting ways to complicate the process. In all areas of our lives.
While the above information is more than enough 'science' to get most of us in shape or at least well on the way, we (we the society) continue to ignore the obvious (the simple) and keep trying to re-invent the 'weight-loss wheel'.
Forget the ab-blaster 7000, the fat-melting tabs, the liver-heart-kidney-pancreas-and-lung cleansing diets, the electrodey (yep, a word) things you stick on yer body... and yer high-carb, low-carb, no-carb debate and simply eat less crap.
Too simple perhaps. I dunno.
We also complicate things when it comes to relationships and communication. Spending our lives not saying what we really think. Not being honest. Not dealing with problems. Not making decisions.
Not being accountable or responsible. Complicating relationships and situations by putting our head in the sand and not doing the simple.
A friend of mine always says:
"Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow...."
His life is a disaster.
Ultimately we waste way too much time, talent, energy and life on issues which could have been resolved quickly, simply and effectively long ago. Then... when it all blows up (and it does) we 'react, cope and struggle' for months or years dealing with something that should be a distant memory.
Recently I was talking with a friend of mine (yes, I have one) at a social event when another friend (alright, two) came up to chat.
"Hey Craig.... we're all planning a four-day hike at Cradle Mountain over Christmas... are you up for it?" "Nup.." "Why not.." "Don't wanna.." "How come..." "Well, I love you all... but I don't wanna spend my Christmas eating re-hydrated food and sleeping in tents with ten stinky people." "Okay, lemme know if you change yer mind." "Okay, see ya."
The hiking guy walked away and my other friend (a girl) turned and said: "How can you say that?" "What, the truth?" "Aren't you scared you'll offend them?" "It's not about them... it's about how I want to spend my Christmas."
"I like them, I just have no desire to go hiking."
"But if it was a cheese-cake eating festival..... "
We all do the 'complication thing' don't we? I still do it... but not so often these days. It's kinda liberating when you just deal with stuff then and there. Do what needs to be done. Simply, quickly, effectively.
Still being sensitive and caring towards others, of course... but choosing not to go the long way around. Choosing not to complicate.
Some people need to take a five minute trip... but they constantly choose to go via Anchorage. By foot. (Do I have any readers in Alaska?)
People always say to me....
"I wish I'd embraced this mindset years ago.. my life would be completely different today.."
So why don't you stop complicating your life today? Or perhaps you could think about it for a bit longer.
* Say hi... share your thoughts and tell us where you're from.
*Today's real post - Freak University (part two) - can be found below this fake one.
G'day my change-a-holics...
You GYSTers are rockin' and I am proud of you all. I know that sounds lame and trite but I mean it; well done to all of you. Also wanna congratulate you for being so supportive and caring towards each other. It's great to see people being... nice. As I've mentioned before, no agenda, no crap... just genuine concern. We all love a bit o' love. Pity it's so rare and conditional these days.
I have read all of your updates and you guys are going great... but.. (always one of those with me) genuine (inside-out) change ain't about four weeks; it's about a life-time. It's about being different forever.
So to: Ron D, Madelyn (the writer), Ute, Ellen, Greg, Justice, Elle, Michelle (Tasmania), Tami 2, Moyra, Melissa (New Zealand), ST and her anonymous sister, Ceridwen, Doug (New Mexico), Lili Ann, Sandi, Angela, Barb J, Anne, Jessie, Leigh, Jodie, Elroy, Sue Reid, Diane (Sydney), Leah K, Jess K, Dee Britton, Kirsten, KK, Virginia (Melbourne), Clare H, Tim (Chicago), Kate, Pip, Miss Beck, Sal, Frank, Louie (Phoenix), Jen (Mildura), Ganesh (India), Tami (US), Barney, Kaddy, Snoskred, Julie (Hobart), Kerry, Finn, April Groves, M, Dianned1, Amanda B, Amber Jordon, Debbie, Irene N, Kristy, Leann, Pip Dodds, tlee, Andy, Charmaine Connolly, Kelvin (US) and Sepyroth...well done so far.. but the game's only just started.
Don't allow yourself to lose focus or momentum. Every day find another reason to get the job done. Don't focus on problems, find solutions.
Some cool news: A while ago I was contacted by a guy in the States (Charlie Flora) who asked if I would like to write for his new fitness magazine; Home Gym.Anyway (long story, short)... just received (an hour ago) twenty issues hot off the press all the way from the US of A. Very cool; a published author in the States. Three pages of me.. will you Americans cope? Congrats to Charlie, it's a cool mag and I wish you all the best with it.
Okay Groovers, stuff to do. Enjoy the conclusion of Freak University (below).
If you missed part one of Freak University, you may want to read it first here.
So I sit there on the edge of my seat, curious about what might happen next. I look at my goofy buddy and he's totally into it. I feel sorry for him. Somehow, I think the pity is mutual.
The Motivator Dude (who shall be referred to as MD for this discussion) steps on stage to a standing ovation from his adoring crowd. Mostly adoring. I'm more.. amused. And seated. I receive several disapproving looks from some of the hard-core MD groupies for not respecting their guru as I should. I don't really care. One woman with way too much red lipstick for her fifty-something years and way too little T-shirt for her large-ish body actually shakes her head at me. I laugh at her. She leans over and whispers something to her friend while maintaining eye contact with me. I notice that her too-small T shirt actually has a picture of the MD on the front. Hilarious.
I laugh harder and I make an 'L' with the thumb and index finger of my right hand. I place it against my forehead, giving her the universal 'loser' symbol. Mr Perfect sees what's happening.
"What are you... twelve?" "She started it", I reply maturely.
I switch my gaze to the MD. He intrigues me. He looks fit and healthy. Normal even. Not sure what I expected but he wasn't it. Funny... I didn't even know I had any expectation.
He starts to talk and to my disappointment, he sounds kind of reasonable. I hate that. I wanted him to be embarrassingly horrible. And cheesy. He isn't. He's kind of smart and entertaining. I desperately search for a fault. It's what I do. It's how I make me feel better about me. I don't want to like him.
He talks about the myriad of ways that we sabotage our lives, waste our potential and delude ourselves... my gut starts to churn and all of a sudden I have an awareness of my heart pounding in my chest. My buddy takes a sideways glance at me. I swear at him. I feel uneasy.
The MD continues to talk about destructive habits, behaviours and attitudes. And how we have an ability for wasting time and talent.
He's describing me and my life. My buddy looks straight ahead. Wise. I feel a little fear and anxiety but I would never tell anyone.
And then, in what appears to be some pre-choreographed move, the MD turns, looks directly at me (well, feels like it) and says "if you're not careful, some of you will wake up one day and it will be too late... your ship will have sailed and your time, your potential and your opportunity will be no more... you can bullshit your friends and family... but you can't bullshit me... or you."
"You know exactly what I'm talking about."
"You've known for a long time what needs to change but you continue to do nothing with that knowledge. You spend your life creating mediocre... and then stupidly wonder why your life is the way it is."
"You've been a victim for too long."
"You need to stop playing the 'anger, blame, self-pity, apathy and procrastination' games... and step into the game of life. It's the best game in the world but you can't play if you have your ass surgically attached to the couch... and your mouth permanently switched to bullshit mode.."
Has this guy got a film of my life??
I laugh a little. I like the way he talks. Not really what I expected. But he makes sense. I force myself to stop laughing and smiling. I can sense my buddy feels he has made some ground.
I'm compelled to prove him wrong.
A few minutes later the MD is halfway through a heart-felt story when I simulate tear wiping for the benefit of Mr Fabulous. He's not happy.
"Dude, stop being so negative, get over yourself and listen to what he has to say, you judgemental tool. You might actually learn something if you leave your crappy, condescending attitude at the door." "But the guy's embarrassing..."
"Have you taken a look at yourself over the last ten years Mr High-Achiever; you're fat, you're unhealthy, you're in debt, you're miserable, you hate your job, you don't speak to your family because they're 'morons', you've never got a woman because you live like an anti-social pig and you look ten years older than you are." "Maybe, just maybe.. if you change your hideous attitude for even one day, you might actually learn something."
All of a sudden I'm eight years-old and I'm in the principles office.
He's totally right but being the emotionally-dysfunctional, wanna-be-alpha-male that I am, I have an overwhelming urge to make a joke. Nothing comes to mind. I hate that. My one coping mechanism lets me down. I'm struggling and I know it. I'm like the brat being dragged to the dentist with an infected tooth. I know it's only gonna get worse but.. "can't I do it next week?"
Strangely, my buddy's words resonate. He has pushed a button and momentarily I feel a twang of regret about what I have become. How I treat others... and myself.
I do my best to ignore the feelings.
Over the next few hours I hear the term 'paradigm shift' ten times. I don't know what a paradigm is, so I don't know how to shift mine. I'm not even sure that I have one, and if I do, I don't think I brought it along. To me a paradigm sounds like a shape; sort of like a hexagon or something. I think I heard about them in geometry at school. "Girls and boys, an octagon has eight sides and a paradigm has thirteen sides."
Maybe not.
I also learn that we're all unique. How ironic. I look around the room and we all look... the same. But I kinda get what he means.
I survive the morning session and make it to lunch relatively unscathed. We walk out of the auditorium and my buddy is unusually quiet and down-beat. If that's a term. I don't tell him, but I've actually enjoyed most of what's gone on.
He offers to take me home early. I'm shocked. I feel bad. A new emotion for me. Captain Sarcasmo has drained the life-force out of his one friend.
I have a moment.
I experience another new emotion; regret. Wow... maybe I'm evolving.
"Nah... let's stay." "I don't want you to stay unless you absolutely want to be here... I'm sick of trying to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.."
Now I feel like complete crap.
I have another moment.
All of a sudden I realise that I actually want my friend to care about me and my crappy life. The thought of him giving up on me scares me. I do something new. Unprecedented even.
"Sorry."
I surprise both of us.
"For what." "For being an ungrateful, self-absorbed dick." "Wow.. the beginning of wisdom" "Steady..."
We both laugh and I feel relieved and happy that he hasn't given up on me. He gives me a hug. I'm uncomfortable.
I haven't changed that much.
We eat some over-priced, high-performance, weird-ass hippie food and then head back in for the afternoon session.
I decide to judge and criticise less and listen and learn more. Another breakthrough. I even feel a bit bad for making fun of the chick in the teeny weeny T shirt. Not too bad though.
Again, a work in progress.
The rest of the day is an eye and mind-opener for me. Once I stop trying to figure out what's 'wrong' with everyone around me and really start to listen to the MD and focus on my own crap, I actually start to learn.
I learn that I am my biggest hurdle. I learn that I need to ask the right questions; the empowering ones. I learn that perfect timing is for the most-part, a fallacy. I learn that my crappy reality is largely the result of my crappy attitude. I learn that 'success' is less about talent and more about passion and drive. I learn that every day can be a good day, if I make that choice. And I learn that sometimes I should talk less and listen more. Especially to Mr. Perfecto.
We arrive at my front door just as the sun is going down. It's been a weird, but good day. I thank my buddy and he gives me a hug. I almost enjoy it.
I walk inside my house and I am acutely aware of the mess, filth and chaos that is my 'home.' And for the first time, I understand the metaphor that my buddy spoke of.
I spend three hours cleaning. I feel amazing. I don't know why but being in a clean house makes me feel more in control. Better. I don't quite get it... but it's real. I go for a walk-jog in the dark. More a walk. Physically, I feel disgraceful. Emotionally, I feel incredible. Different.
My mind is racing with what might be. My heart is pounding with what will be. I cook myself a healthy stir-fry; it tastes like crap but I know it's good for me. It's the first time I've cooked in months and the first night in living memory that I consume zero alcohol.
At ten past midnight I put my sober self into my clean bed, in my clean room, in my clean house. I'm a bit proud of me. Okay, a lot. I think about the day's events. I'm excited about my life for the first time in... forever. I'm not there yet, not even nearly there... but I've started and I'm determined. And I will fall asleep dreaming about what I'll achieve tomorrow.
My buddy always tells me that "every thousand mile journey begins with a single step." At last, I've taken a step. Thanks Mr. Perfecto. Thanks Motivator Dude. And thanks me (I'm beginning to like you.) Er, me.
The good news is that you guys are rockin' the GYST Challenge... and that I am genuinely impressed by your level of commitment and some of the amazing things you are all doing. I have about a thousand updates (seems like) to read tonight and I will read them all. I won't write individuals responses (for obvious reasons) but know that I'm cheering you on and paying attention to what you're up to.
The bad news is that Freak University(part 2) won't be up until tomorrow. I apologise for my tardiness but today has been a crazy-ass blurr of conferences, planes, ferry rides, taxi rides (complete with stinky man with very poor personal grooming habits) and some very average airport food. So this is my first chance to sit at a computer and let's just say that my energy and creative writing skills aren't at an all-time high right now. So tomorrow it will be for part two.
GYSTers... If you haven't sent your update, do it ASAP.
If you get the chance, take a look at people's GSYT updates and feel free to send some cyber-love at the same time... we all love a bit of love... even me.
Have a great night / day guys and I'll see you (you know) tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the balcony of a holiday apartment at Couran Cove here in sunny Queensland. Just yer run-o-the-mill luxury shack over-looking a beautiful lagoon, complete with the sun sneaking down below the horizon as I write.... nice.
Tough gig, but I'm up for it. Yep.. completely hard-core; that's me. Such a giver.
I'm doing a ninety minute presentation at 0900 tomorrow for the Commonwealth Bank and I'm gonna do my best to jolt them all out of their hang-overs. They have a masquerade ball tonight (Sunday) and I've been informed that the majority of them will drink too much and sleep too little between now and when I see them.
Fancy asking me to present after such an evening. Clearly they don't know me so well. They will by 1030 tomorrow.
So tomorrow is the start of week two of our GYST Challenge; one week down and three to go. Which means that we (the bald man and I) should receive over sixty GYST updates from you participants tomorrow... and I am looking forward to reading them and hearing about your progress. I want to encourage you all to stay focused, committed and doing what you need to. Creating real change ain't about motivation or fun... it's about attitude, self-control and work. So do the work.
And to: Madelyn (the writer), Ute, Ellen, Greg, Justice, Elle, Michelle (Tasmania), Tami 2, Moyra, Melissa (New Zealand), ST and her anonymous sister, Ceridwen, Doug (New Mexico), Lili Ann, Sandi, Angela, Barb J, Anne, Jessie, Leigh, Jodie, Elroy, Sue Reid, Diane (Sydney), Leah K, Jess K, Dee Britton, Kirsten, KK, Virginia (Melbourne), Clare H, Tim (Chicago), Kate, Pip, Miss Beck, Sal, Frank, Louie (Phoenix), Jen (Mildura), Ganesh (India), Tami (US), Barney, Kaddy, Snoskred, Julie (Hobart), Kerry, Finn, April Groves, M, Dianned1, Amanda B, Amber Jordon, Debbie, Irene N, Kristy, Leann, Pip Dodds, tlee, Andy, Charmaine Connolly, Kelvin (US) and Sepyroth...I'll hear from you tomorrow!!!
It's an awesome spring day here in the thriving metropolis that is Melbourne... the birds are singing, the bees are buzzing and everyone has a little bounce in their step; good to see. It's midday Saturday as I write this and I'm giving myself the weekend off blogging. Well that's not entirely true 'cause I'm at the keyboard now... Y'know what I mean.
I'm off to Queensland in the morning to give a presentation for a conference.... at a resort. Someone's gotta do it. I'll tough it out.
The conclusion of 'Freak University' will be up Monday and to all those people who are grumpy at me for writing half a story... you'll survive.
To my GYSTers... don't let yourselves down. These twenty eight days can be the catalyst for an amazing future if choose to do, and be, amazing. If you create something different and something better. So deal with the practical and the emotional crap and get the job done.
Madelyn (the writer), Ute, Ellen, Greg, Justice, Elle, Michelle (Tasmania), Tami 2, Moyra, Melissa (New Zealand), ST and her anonymous sister, Ceridwen, Doug (New Mexico), Lili Ann, Sandi, Angela, Barb J, Anne, Jessie, Leigh, Jodie, Elroy, Sue Reid, Diane (Sydney), Leah K, Jess K, Dee Britton, Kirsten, KK, Virginia (Melbourne), Clare H, Tim (Chicago), Kate, Pip, Miss Beck, Sal, Frank, Louie (Phoenix), Jen (Mildura), Ganesh (India), Tami (US), Barney, Kaddy, Snoskred, Julie (Hobart), Kerry, Finn, April Groves, M, Dianned1, Amanda B, Amber Jordon, Debbie, Irene N, Kristy, Leann, Pip Dodds, tlee, Andy, Charmaine Connolly, Kelvin (US) and Sepyroth... Hello Kids... It's Friday afternoon (in the land down-under) and the weekend looms large. My instructions for you today are simple:
"DO NOT SABOTAGE YOURSELVES THIS WEEKEND."
Do not find a reason to undo your good work. Find a reason to succeed. Once the motivation, the excitement and the novelty wear off... do what most people won't; persevere.
No more excuses, no more time-wasting, no more bullshit. Just results.
It's seven forty five Saturday morning and I am doing my best to stay in my current state of being; unconscious, hung-over, stationary, comfortable, horizontal. Unfortunately for me, something or as it would turn out, someone, is destroying my tranquility with incessant thumping on my front door. Every thump is accompanied by a sharp stabbing pain behind my left eye.
All of a sudden I'm re-thinking my whole 'anti-gun' stance. For some reason the option of owning a shotgun seems a lot more reasonable today than it did yesterday.
I open my left eye hoping that it might stop the pain emanating from behind it. It doesn't. Another thump, another stab. I drag my sorry self into an upright position. Slowly. First sitting and then standing.
I put my foot in what looks like an almost empty ice-cream bowl. Can't be sure because I can't really see yet. I think I have Cookies 'n' Cream on my big toe. I don't quite have my balance. I'm swaying like the old Willow tree in my Grandfather's yard.
The banging persists and so does the pain behind my left eye. I am still wearing my track pants from last night. Inside out. I don't know why.
I think I smell bad but I'm not sure. I probably do. My senses are not fully operational. They take a while to warm up. Just like my seventeen year-old Ford.
The noise from the front door continues. I fantasize about killing the person on the other side with my bare hands. And if I wasn't a fat, unfit coward with no fighting skills, I might just do it. For a moment, I'm Jason Bourne. But only a moment. Back to reality and I struggle towards the front door from my smelly nocturnal sanctuary, leaving a sticky trail of Cookies 'n' Cream on the carpet behind me.
I open the door and it's my annoyingly happy, well-adjusted, squeaky-clean buddy. Just looking at his stupid, happy face annoys me. We enter into some meaningful dialogue.... "Wadda you doing here you idiot." "Man you stink... have you rolled in something?" "Shut up." "Love you buddy... ready to go?" "Go where?" "Dude, today's the day... " "I liked you more when you were a pathetic alcoholic... go where?" "C'mon, today's that workshop I bought you for your birthday.. it starts in forty five minutes."
I panic. I've forgotten all about it. He spent six hundred dollars to take the two of us to one of those stupid 'be-all-you-can-be' seminar things. I'd rather hit myself in the head with a bat. Whatever the opposite of excitement is, that's what I'm feeling. I so don't wanna go.
I consider feigning a stroke.. but I don't really know what a stroke is. I feel like smashing him over the head with one of his stupid self-help books. But he does martial arts and has abs, so that's out of the question. My mind is racing (okay, not quite racing) but I have no excuse and he's knows when I'm lying. And I lie a lot. I find it saves time and heart-ache. For everyone.
"Man, if anyone needs this, you do... get ready stinky." "What I need is a best friend who isn't such a pain in the ass." "If you keep up with your crap you'll have no friends... get in the shower"
Like a spoiled five year old, I sulk my way to the bathroom. The water on my neck is so hot and relaxing that I nearly fall asleep standing up. My knees buckle and I scare myself. My heart races and I get the stabbing pain all at once. This time behind both eyes.
I'm instantly wide awake. And grumpy.
Mr. Happy is always telling me that my messy, dis-organised house is a metaphor for my life. I'm not really sure what a metaphor is... and I choose not to ask. I know it can't be good. I know he means well and I know there's a few things I may need to change, but he really doesn't understand the pressure I'm under, or my busy schedule. For me, it's a time thing. If there were twenty five hours in a day, I'd be built like Superman and my house would be spotless.. Unfortunately, there aren't. I always wondered about the logic of making a bed that I'm gonna mess up later in the day anyway. Dumb. And I read somewhere that exposure to bacteria actually helps build our immune system.. so exposure it is. I figure that in some ways, the way I live is actually time-saving and health-promoting. Sure it's a bit smellier and not as aesthetically pleasing as some lives but it gives me quality time to address the important things in my life.
Consuming alcohol. Watching sport.
Ten minutes later I'm in the cleanest BMW in the world, toast in hand, wet hair and blood trickling down my neck courtesy of the world's bluntest razor.
"Man.. you still look like a train wreck but at least you don't smell like a giant turd any more." "Moron." "Love you too... buckle up." "Yes dad."
We have known each other since we were eight. Played football together, got drunk together, chased girls together. All the basics.
Unfortunately he's become a sober (boring), successful, happily married business owner. About as much fun as a fart in an elevator.
He tells me that I'm on the road to alcoholism. I tell him to shut-up. He tells me he cares about me. I tell him there's a fine line between caring and annoying. Anyway, I'll change when I'm ready.
Half an hour later I have defiled his perfectly clean car with my toast crumbs and flatulence and we arrive at the stupid auditorium. Even the stupid car parking dude is happy and friendly. "Hey guys.. just park over there and have a great day."
Clearly I've been kidnapped and taken to weirdo-central. Freak University.
I'm about as comfortable as I was on my first (tragic) date. Sorry Amanda. I didn't know.
I'm not exactly sure what hyper-ventilating is... but I'm pretty sure I'm doin' it. Mr. Happy strides into the auditorium and I follow him like an insecure puppy. I try not to make eye contact with any of the other freaks but every time I do they smile. They're all annoyingly polite and happy. They're all like my buddy. It's gonna be a long day.
We take our seats. The room is packed. I don't fit in. I want to leave.
"I don't feel well", I tell my buddy. "Get over it", he replies. "Where's the love now Mr Fabulous?" He ignores me.
The lights dim, the house music dies down, my heart rate increases and some dweeby, little guy with a voice that's way to big for his body introduces the speaker dude.
Hey GYSTers.... day four. I'm watching you. Don't think that I don't know what you're doing. I do. Creating change is all about consistency... so gimme some of that consistency love. I don't care if it's fun, or convenient or easy... I just care that you do it and that it works. I just care that you get results. Forever results. No more lame-ass excuses from any of you!
And to all my champions...
Ute, Ellen, Greg, Justice, Elle, Michelle (Tasmania), Tami 2, Moyra, Melissa (New Zealand), ST and her anonymous sister, Ceridwen, Doug (New Mexico), Lili Ann, Sandi, Angela, Barb J, Anne, Jessie, Leigh, Jodie, Elroy, Sue Reid, Diane (Sydney), Leah K, Jess K, Dee Britton, Kirsten, KK, Virginia (Melbourne), Clare H, Tim (Chicago), Kate, Pip, Miss Beck, Sal, Frank, Louie (Phoenix), Jen (Mildura), Ganesh (India), Tami (US), Barney, Kaddy, Snoskred, Julie (Hobart), Kerry, Finn, April Groves, M, Dianned1, Amanda B, Amber Jordon, Debbie, Irene N, Kristy, Leann, Pip Dodds, tlee, Andy, Charmaine Connolly, Kelvin (US) and Sepyroth... Have a productive day and do what you need to do.
PS. Let me know if you're not on my list but should be. * Todays (very relevant) post below....
So today I'm taking my Motivator, Story-teller, Drill Sgt. and Politically-Incorrect-Rude-Bloke hats off... and putting on my Exercise Scientist beret. Yep, you read right; beret. Ready, steady, go.
If you want to change your body in some way, then today's chat might be of interest to you.
I get a bunch of letters every week from lots of frustrated "my-body's-not-changing-and-I-need-help" people... so those letters have been the catalyst for today's post. For some of you this post will be revision. For some it will be a revelation. And for others, it will be of no interest at all. See ya tomorrow.
Coming from a bloke who owns a couple of gyms, the title of this post may seem dumb or a bit contradictory. Perhaps. You be the judge.
The truth is that many of us are wasting our time and money at the gym (or any training environment for that matter; not just gyms... but I couldn't fit all that in one title!!).
For some of us, a trip to the gym is little more than a social outing. We spend months, sometimes years going through the motions... doing the same things, the same way, for the same amount of time and producing the same result; zero (or very little) change. There was some initial change when we first started but for a long time we have felt like we've been standing still, as opposed to making any significant progress or seeing any real physical change.
If you're exercising to get a bit sweaty, increase your heart rate, move your limbs and have a social outing on a regular basis, then you're not wasting your time; you're right on track... but if your goal is to look amazing (or different at least) and create significant change, then it may be time to re-assess the way you approach your workouts.
If your motive for hitting the gym (or wherever you train) is to maintain what you have (in terms of fitness, size, shape, weight, appearance etc..)... then doing the same and producing the same result is great. But the truth is, most of us exercise because we want to change; we want to experience a 'new and improved' version of us.
Simple. Not rocket science. We hand over our 'hard-earned' because we want.. different.
We don't walk into a gym and say "here's a thousand bucks... I wanna look exactly the same (or maybe worse) in twelve months". But that's exactly what many of us 'achieve'. Not what we wanna hear.. but true.
Just take a look around most gyms and typically you'll see a whole lot of... same. Day in, day out.... regular exercisers jogging up and down on the spot; literally and metaphorically.
Doing the same. Looking the same.
Which is fine. If that's their goal. But it ain't.
While most people want to feel different (energy levels, emotional state) and function better (strength, flexibility, aerobic capacity, overall health), nearly everyone wants to lookdifferent. (And yes, do-gooders we all know that having a great body alone doesn't equal happiness or success.. so please don't inundate me with those "how could you be so shallow" letters).
See readers; gotta cover all my bases. Anticipate and negotiate. Sorry. I Digress. Something new for me.
So... If you and I went to any gym in our local area tonight and we interviewed a hundred people about their reasons for exercising, we would probably find that at least ninety-five of them want to change their appearance in some way. Some of them, drastically.
We're also likely to discover that more than half of them are, or have been, frustrated with their lack of results or their level of change over the preceding months/years of exercising.
Now... if we came back to that same gym six months from today, what we'd probably find is this:
(1) More than half of them wouldn't be working out any more. (Keeping in mind that the biggest mistake we make from an exercise perspective is spending half our lives stopping and starting a myriad of programs... also keeping in mind that many people don't make it past week four). Did you know that gyms can actually 'over-sell' memberships because they know that a large percentage of people who join will rarely (if ever) rock up? Great for the gym owner; not so good for the fat bloke with diabetes.
(2) Of those who are still working out (with the goal of changing their appearance) the vast majority will still look the same or very similar.
Today's key message: Our body will only change (look different) when we give it a reason to do so... and many people don't. Doing the same things (workouts, activities, classes, exercises), the same way, with the same intensity, for the same amount of time will consistently produce the same result; maintenance. Not change.
Do the same, you get the same. Do different, you get different.
If we want a quality return on our investment (real change) then we need to make sure that we spend our exercise time and energy wisely. We need to regularly manipulate the training variables (type of activity, intensity, duration, recovery, overall volume, set, reps, weights, distances, surfaces, machines) if we want to see our body continue to change.
Most of us are creatures of habit, even when it comes to our exercise. And while the 'habit' of regular exercise is great, the 'habit' of always stimulating your body the same way (constantly doing the same or similar workouts) isn't great, if it's change that you're after. Still with me ?
Your body will only adapt when it has to. When you give it a reason. So... give it a reason.
Exercise is a form of stress (good stress mostly). And improvements in fitness and strength and decreases in body-fat and weight are (some of) your body's responses (physiological adaptations) to that stress.
Here are my.. 'how-not-to-waste-your-time-exercising'.. tips:
1. Vary the intensity of your exercise program. Harder and easier sessions.
2. Don't (always) do what you enjoy. Do what works; what creates change. Sometimes the most effective activity / exercise (for us personally) is what we enjoy the least. I'm not a massive fan (personally) of running but it's very effective for me... so I do it three days every week... the process ain't always fun... but the outcome is.
3. If you don't have any pre-existing risk factors... then get accustomed to working when you're hurting (sometimes, not constantly). A little discomfort usually equals a little change... don't kill yerself but give your body a reason to change. Stop going through the motions.
4. Do different stuff(technical I know). When we do the same kind of exercise all the time we become specifically conditioned to (fit for) that activity. Take a swimmer for a run... and they may not look so fit (or vise-versa). Or the bodybuilder who can lift a Toyota but can't run out of a burning building without having a heart attack. Instead of doing the exact same run around the burbs five days a week (for example) you could invest the same amount of time in (1) some stair running (2) a boxing class (3) a swim (4) some skipping (5) a class of your choice... and get much better results.
5. You won't 'accidentally' end up with an amazing body. The hit-and-miss training approach doesn't work... unless you're after hit-and-miss results. Creating your best body needs to be a strategic, intelligent process... and following some generic training program ripped out of page seventy-two of 'Meatheads R Us' probably ain't gonna do it for you. This doesn't mean you need to be obsessive about your training... it's simply means train smart.
6. De-emotionalise the process. Don't let your head get in the way of what's possible for your body. Bodies are very adaptable. Heads... take a little longer.
Okay Groovers, there you have it; some food for thought. Now, go and do something amazing.
Before I get started on today's post... to all my GYST team...
Madelyn, Ute, Ellen, Greg, Justice, Elle, Michelle (Tasmania), Tami 2, Moyra, Melissa (New Zealand), ST and her anonymous sister, Ceridwen, Doug (New Mexico), Lili Ann, Sandi, Angela, Barb J, Anne, Jessie, Leigh, Jodie, Elroy, Sue Reid, Diane (Sydney), Leah K, Jess K, Dee Britton, Kirsten, KK, Virginia (Melbourne), Clare H, Tim (Chicago), Kate, Pip, Miss Beck, Sal, Frank, Louie (Phoenix), Jen (Mildura), Ganesh (India), Tami (US), Barney, Kaddy, Snoskred, Julie (Hobart), Kerry, Finn, April Groves, M, Dianned1, Amanda B, Amber Jordon, Debbie, Irene N, Kristy, Leann, Pip Dodds, tlee, Andy, Charmaine Connolly, Kelvin (US) and Sepyroth...
C'MON!!!!It's day two of twenty eight... GET BUSY!... or I'll come over to your house and hurt you. You know I will. I don't wanna, but if I hafta...
Today's Post:Celebrate the Weirdo.
What I'm about to write will resonate with many of you. It will surprise some of you and hopefully, it will encourage a few of you as well.
For much of my life, I have felt like a... weirdo. There. I said it. Not all the time... but often. In a range of situations and settings and for a range of reasons.
Even as a moderately successful business owner, speaker, writer, etc.. I still regularly feel out of place and like I don't belong or really fit in.
Please still love me.
Not in a weird, sad or tragic "I'm gonna build a space ship in my yard and fly off and see my brothers from the planet Zebulon" kinda way... No, more a "I feel different, think different, behave different and am different" kinda way. Not better, just different.
While all the other 'normal' kids were ploughing up and down the pool with their skinny ten year-old bodies, I was splashing around in my big-ass T-shirt... to hide my numerous rolls. Knowing that they would never realise that I was obese if I was wearing my magic 'fat-hiding T-shirt'. Of course.
And when all my buddies were discovering alcohol at sixteen, getting wasted, falling down, getting up again and thinking they were manly and hilarious... I didn't really 'get it.' At all. I was the only one who didn't drink. Weirdo. I never started. Never had a glass of alcohol. Tasted it, but hated it. Never been drunk to this day. Double weirdo. Even when I go to a social function now, I'm often the only person in the whole place not drinking. People tell me I'm missing out. Oh well. A chance I'm prepared to take.
While all my friends were buying highly-modified cars that they couldn't afford, smoking the tyres, racing each other to the next set of lights and exploring their alpha-male-ness (okay, stupidity)... I didn't get that either. At all.
And when I went back to college at thirty five (after a brief seventeen year absence) I felt like a complete weirdo. In the first year of my degree I was twice as old as every one else, didn't understand their eighteen year-old vocabulary or culture, scared the crap out half of them (big, old, scary man on motorbike with shaved head), couldn't use a computer (honestly), had an argument with a lecturer on the first day who insisted that I should complete 'work experience' (despite having worked for seventeen years) and spent the first six months of my course studying and eating lunch solo with my 'I-don't-really-belong-here' cap firmly in place. Old, scary weirdo.
Even investing the time and energy that I do into this web-site has caused some of my friends to question my sanity and judgement... apparently doing what I do doesn't make 'commercial sense'. It's not logical; it's weird.
From a professional perspective.. it's dumb; zero financial return on my investment. It takes me away from my businesses and my other income-producing commercial interests. To lots of people it is weird; it doesn't make good business sense.
However, to me... it's perfectly 'normal'. Incredibly rewarding even. People have advised me to charge or have memberships for the site. I won't. "Then at least have advertisers on your site for goodness sakes... that won't cost your readers anything..." "Hmmm... don't wanna". "Why." "Looks crap... maybe one day, but not now." "Weirdo."
One of my (business-minded) buddies told me recently..."you do all this writing, spend all this time, invest all this energy and share your knowledge.. and then you don't charge; that's just dumb." And from where he's sitting, it is dumb. Weird. But I kinda enjoy that weirdness.
Now I know that I may have disappointed some of you because you thought I was Superman, not Weirdo-man... but sadly, it's true. No 'super' and plenty of weird.
I think I need a tight outfit with a big 'W' on the front. Perhaps something in blue. Turquoise even. And maybe a modest yellow cape. Nothing too long... might get caught in the back wheel. Possibly some red boots. Or not. And beige tights. I'm digressing. You love my digressing. It's why you come back.
See... weird.
Put up your hand if you've ever felt like a weirdo (for whatever reason) or like you didn't fit in. Okay, lemme count.... 47.. 48.. 49.. 314,231... yep, nearly all of you. Hey, you're a freak like me. Giddy-up; I'm not alone. Nice.
I just asked twenty people (at the gym) if they've ever felt like a weirdo (didn't fit in, didn't belong, felt 'different') and all of them said yes and more than half said they regularly feel like a weirdo.
That's it... I'm starting a weirdo club.
Doing what I do (my job, that is) for the last twenty five years has taught me that we ALL feel like we don't 'fit in' at times. Don't really belong. Not good enough. Talented enough. Funny enough. Clever enough. Cool enough. Skinny enough. Pretty enough. Young enough.
The truth is, we're all weird in some way. There's always a situation, circumstance, environment or conversation where we won't fit in. Where we'll be the weirdo. Or feel like it anyway.
The challenge for us is to not let those feelings get in the way of our potential. To not let the emotional stuff (fear, doubt, anxiety, low self-esteem, poor body-image) get in the way of the logical stuff (what's possible for us).
I've felt inadequate (in some way, in some area) for most of my life... but if I always wait until I feel 'normal' or 'ready', I would never get off the couch (or computer stool).
In many ways, weird is actually normal. And normal is a myth.
I've decided to have a great life and do some amazing things despite my weirdness. What about you?
I thought that as a whole bunch of you (fifty-ish) craigharper.commers are about to undertake what could be a reality-changing four weeks of your life on the GYST Challenge, it would be timely and appropriate for us to explore the concept of creating FOREVER change.
It would be fair to say that the majority of us have mastered the art of the short-term change. Oh yes; we can all be amazing for a week. Possibly a month. And if we had the lifespan of yer typical insect... that would be great. But being as us humans have an annoying tendency to live for quite some time, we probably need some kinda longer term approach and more realistic strategy than the... "I'll start next Monday... again" system we've been using! Like the guy who gave up cigarettes. For the tenth time.
I love it when people say to me "I've given up smoking before". They never really gave up; they just took a break.
Change means... change. Not different... for a few weeks.
We get in shape for weddings, birthdays and reunions. In fact we get in shape for all kinds of events and functions. But we rarely get in shape for life. That is, for ever. You know what I mean.
We do stuff for a while... and then we don't do it. We get all excited. Then we get un-excited. We get busy. Then we get lazy, distracted, disappointed, discouraged; un-busy.
We lose weight for summer... then we get fat(ter) for winter. It's what we do. It's not our goal.. but it is what we do.
You don't need to be an exercise scientist to know that the majority of people who lose weight (for example), regain it; you just need to be an observer of people and you'll learn that for yourself. We are a collective of people who are perpetually starting things we don't complete.
Forever change ain't about opportunities, ability, luck or 'timing'... it's about finishing what you start. It's about getting shit done. Once and for all. It's about persevering when most wouldn't. It's about consistently doing what we NEED to do irrespective of how we're feeling on a given day. It's about taking charge of that amazing thing called your mind.
I have spoken with many people over the years who have fat, skinny and medium sections in their wardrobe because they 'know' that their size, shape and weight are like the Melbourne weather; dynamic... always changing. Like an athlete, they 'peak' for an event... and then get fat again. Stupid and dangerous. For their head and their health.
And we do this short-term thing in all areas of our life... not just with our health and fitness but with relationships, finances, careers, personal goals and projects (write that book.. you know who you are) and with all kinds of destructive and counter-productive habits and behaviours.
We all know people (maybe you are those people) who have 'given up' a range of destructive habits, turned their life around and changed their reality... only to end up back where they were some time down the track. And no, I'm not saying it's easy... but I am saying it's very possible.
A large part of my job is working with individuals and organizations who are in desperate need of change... physiological, emotional, psychological, behavioural, social, cultural and practical change. They come to me because they are tired of smashing their head/s against that brick wall. Just like you might be.
Here are some thoughts on creating FOREVER results. (I've covered some of this before... call it revision)
1. Be completely realistic and practical (not to be confused with negative) about the change process. Don't try and undo twenty years of bad behaviours and habits by next Tuesday. Don't try and change fifty things at once. Identify your key challenges/concerns for you right now and approach those methodically, practically and sensibly. Short, medium and long-term plans and goals.
2. Know that FOREVER change works from the inside out. If you want forever change on the outside, you need to be forever different on the inside. Not some temporary, manufactured, pseudo-change but real-deal internal change. From today you need to think, choose, react, communicate and create different(ly).
3. Know that FOREVER change ain't always easy or fun but it is always rewarding and amazing. If you're after easy... you may wanna (1) change that thinking or (2) get another goal. As soon as we stop looking for easy and start looking for effective, then we start to see forever change. It's in the 'doing' that we get the growing and the changing. Shortcuts are an illusion. We've got more weight-loss shortcuts (available) than ever before... we've never been fatter. We're up to our neck in get-rich-quick schemes... we've never been more in debt. Rest my case.
4. Plan for life beyond the emotion. Once the euphoria, the excitement and hype die down... which they always do (to some extent), you need to cope with the (occasional) lack of motivation and drive. Motivation (as we experience it) is temporary so we need to 'do' even when we don' 'feel' like it. Forever change ain't about motivation; it's about attitude, commitment, discipline, self-control and strength of character over time.
5. Get stuff done early in the day. Being productive early gets your head where it needs to be for the day. If it's not convenient or practical, do it anyway. Find a way.
6. Plan for life beyond the initial four weeks. While your immediate focus is the GYST Challenge, forever change is about the next four decades, not the next four weeks. The Challenge is the beginning. It's you opening the door to the rest of your life.
7. Lose your short-term mindset. While many people are consciously focused on a short term goal or project, they are also subconsciously waiting for the finish line... so they can revert to 'normal.' While they want to change or break that habit, deep down they don't actually believe it will be a forever thing... and therein lies the problem Grasshopper(s). This ain't another 'phase' or an 'attempt'. Unless you make it that.
8. Get absolute clarity and certainty about what you want. Too many people are indecisive, fluffy, wishy-washy (it's a word) and vague about what they want their future to look like. Heading in 'the general direction' won't get you to a destination. Get clear and passionate about what you want for your life.
9. Do something out of character. Shock yourself and others. Be less predictable. Be adventurous and ballsy. Take a risk or five. If you always do what you've always done... you'll always get what you've always got. So do different to create different. Consistently.
10. Accountability. Have something or someone to keep you honest.
Okay kids, the time is at hand. Tarry not my brethren (and sisteren). It's a word. Now.
* Have fun, do what you need to do... say hi and let me know where you're from.
Well Groovers, the GYST challenge starts in a matter of hours.. it's late-ish Sunday afternoon here in the land down under and I have just arrived home from spending most of the day with dear-old Dad, on Dad's day. A bit of father-son bonding... you could smell the testosterone from down the street. A lot of arm-wrestling, grunting, eating of charred animal flesh and watching of football. (To my vegoFriends, I'm kidding).
(About the arm-wrestling). Happy Dad's day Old Fella. Of all my Dads, you're my favorite.
So anyway, I had a quick scan to see how many people have decided to change their life (or part there-of) and the answer is... a whole bunch.
I want to encourage you guys and girls to have a real crack (Aussie for try hard) at this. If you do it right, it can and will be, a life-changing process. If you do it wrong it will be another 'dumb' thing' that 'didn't work'. No pressure, just honesty. By the way, it's not about whether or not 'it' works (a very common expression), it's about whether you work for it.
Don't forget to keep us updated with your Monday progress reports (from next Monday of course)... these are an important part of your accountability... your reports can be ten words or two hundred; it's up to you.
And to:
Doug (New Mexico), Lili Ann, Sandi, Angela, Barb J, Anne, Jessie, Leigh, Jodie, Elroy, Sue Reid, Diane (Sydney), Leah K, Jess K, Dee Britton, Kirsten, KK, Virginia (Melbourne), Clare H, Tim (Chicago), Kate, Pip, Miss Beck, Sal, Frank, Louie (Phoenix), Jen (Mildura), Ganesh (India), Tami (US), Barney, Kaddy, Snoskred, Julie (Hobart), Kerry, Finn, April Groves, M, Dianned1, Amanda B, Amber Jordon, Debbie, Irene N, Kristy, Leann, Pip Dodds, tlee, Andy, Charmaine Connolly, Kelvin (US) and Sepyroth...
I wish you guys all the best. I wanna hear all about the amazing stuff you're doing.
I will be writing a post tonight (for tomorrow) exploring the concept of creating forever results (verses the short-term change we typically see and experience). This will be an invaluable help for you guys... if you put the ideas in action.
Gigantic group hug from uncle Craig... ( )
* Any questions or comments send 'em through... and yes, you can still get involved if you haven't already.
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