This site is the website of motivational speaker Craig Harper. A constantly updated, one-stop information, inspiration, education and motivation station. Unlike many similar sites, it is a totally free resource for anyone who is serious about moving from mediocre to amazing in any area of their personal or professional life. With hundreds of articles covering a wide range of subject matter, great interviews with cool people and inspirational video posts, there's more than enough brain-food to keep you busy for hours. Okay, days!! Enjoy.
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Fattitude
- Craig Harper
While many books focus on food,
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Craig Harper is Australia's leading
motivational speaker
and educator (according to Google Australia). He is a highly
sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be
a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and
professional development.
Working with hundreds of
teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations
on numerous continents over the last twenty years
has given Craig a unique insight into, and
understanding of, human performance and all its
variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire,
challenge and make people laugh all at the same
time!
So the guy who's never done a writing workshop, never studied journalism, never taken a class in English Literature, never read anything more than comics or muscle mags for the first twenty years of his life.. and wouldn't know a pronoun from a protein... is surely not the person to give anyone advice on becoming a writer.
Surely not.
Nonetheless, I'm gonna give it a crack. Of course. If you want advice from the least qualified, least trained writing teacher on the planet, you've come to the right place.
Despite my obvious lack of qualifications and credibility to advise anyone on becoming a writer, I regularly receive feedback that people enjoy my writing style (much to my amazement and humble appreciation - I didn't even know I had a style!) and I constantly get asked for advice on how to become a writer.
Step 1. Get up tomorrow, look in the mirror and say to yourself "I'm a writer." See that was easy... now you're a writer. If people question you, tell them "Craig said I'm a writer." I'll send you a certificate if you really need one.
Now the key is... to be a good writer. That may take a little more time and effort.
Here are some recent comments on some of my stuff:
This post is a freakin revelation. I love the way you think and communicate. Nobody writes like you. Don't stop. Kelly R.
Hi Craig, Love the site, especially the blogs. I'm a massive fan of the blunt manner in which you write so keep up the great work! Jane, Melbourne
Your writing inspires me and gives me something to look forward to every day. Please do not stop writing. Luciana, Belize City, Belize
Thanx Craig on this two part letter series, your writing is amazing. Shelly
Now... 1) No, I didn't write those comments myself and 2) I don't share them to impress you or to pump up my already out-of-control, enormous ego... but rather to impress upon you that you don'tneed a degree in English Literature to become a well-read, well-received, accomplished writer. Or for people to dig your ideas, thoughts and message. Or for people to connect with you.
We've all got at least one great idea, message or story in us... it's whether or not we choose to share that with the world and how we go about it. Many (many, many, many) incredibly talented and successful professional writers have zero training and qualifications.
Having a qualification doesn't make you are writer. Writing... makes you a writer.
Some talent, drive and commitment are kinda handy also.
If I do have a style... it's unconventional, it's informal, it's conversational. Everybody (who knows me) tells me that I write exactly as I speak... so if I had to give my writing style a label... I guess it would be conversational.
By the way, when I write an educational, instructional, motivational piece like this... it is typically completely original... that's not to say that I will never say something which has already been said... but I won't knowingly or intentionally use someone else's words unless I credit them for it. I virtually never research for articles (Hmm, maybe that's bad!); I write out of my experiences and I write what I know to be true for me and the people I've worked with.
So, for what it's worth, here are the uneducated, unqualified writer's thoughts on... becoming a successful writer.
1. Write from the heart. Don't write trite, predictable, typical fluff. Don't write what you think others expect you to write. Be innovative. Give people a reason to want to read your work. Learn from, but don't imitate other writers.
Sooooooo many personal development sites (for example) are THE SAME!
Honestly, how many times can people rehash other people's writing!!?? Write something original! Please! Take the time. Make the effort. Get some unique insight. Give us something fresh... a new / different perspective. Otherwise you're simply collating and presenting other people's work. That's not being a writer. (sorry... feel better now).
2. If you want an audience (beyond your friends)... Don't write about your dogs wind problem or your busted toe (unless you want to write comedy). Be relevant... write a story which will (hopefully) connect with a broad cross-section of people. Have a point... don't ramble, waffle or complain. Write something which (in some way) may be of value to people. If possible, have a feel-good element to what you do.
3. Be prolific. This doesn't mean churn out mountains of crap... but you will only develop writing skills by..... writing! If you don't do it (often), you won't improve. Write daily (even something brief).
4. Let people see your personality. You want the audience to connect with you. Identify with you. Like you. Honesty and humility are good.
5. Plan. While I don't spend hours planning a post/article, I always have a clear picture in my mind of what I want to say (intro, general discussion, key messages, conclusion). Sitting down with a blank mind and a blank computer screen (or page) ain't a great plan.
6. Use a thesaurus and dictionary. Consciously grow your vocabulary. Using the same word twelve times in one paragraph (I saw this recently) and having a vocab of seventy five words ain't gonna help in your quest to become a competent writer. (Or you can be like me and invent your own language).
7. Have fun. It's okay to have fun... even when you're sharing a serious message. Humour is engaging. Bad humour isn't... perhaps have someone proof read your work!
8. Have an ideas book. I always have a little note-pad with me for when my creative button gets pushed when I'm not near my computer. Sometimes I get inspired and stimulated in the most inconvenient places... don't let those creative moments slip through your fingers.
9. Don't be a chicken. Take a creative and emotional risk. If your first creative efforts rank somewhere between crap and mediocre, welcome to the being-completely-normal club.... what'd ya think??... that you'd win the Pulitzer prize with your first foray into the world of writing? If you don't want to be criticised then go live in a cave. Build a bridge.. get over it. Part of the getting-good-at-anything process is dealing with and responding to, criticism / feedback. If I got precious every time I got criticised... 1) you wouldn't be on this site 2) I wouldn't have achieved most of what I have and 3) I'd be lying somewhere in the foetal position.
10. Ask for feedback... get your own editor. Before you show your work to the world, get someone trusted to glance over your it and give some feedback.
11. When you finish writing your piece, read it out loud to yourself. I know this sounds a little weird but it works... for 1) finding errors and 2) seeing whether or not it flows and makes sense.
I started writing professionally about ten years ago, I have had hundreds of articles published and at the moment I write regularly for four national magazines. Please don't tell my publishers that I don't really know what I'm doing... they might sack me.
Keep it between us.
Thanks.
Okay, I'm done; now it's your turn... get writing.
Busily preparing for night one of the Life Renovation program, so no post today but.... off the back of yesterday's post about Personal Development Zombies and (some) people's inability to be able to think for themselves, we received a great quote from the Buddha courtesy of Fiery.
Thanks for sharing Fiery; clearly my thoughts were not original!
Here it is:
Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. TheBuddha
If you have an amazing quote (relatively brief... and not one we've heard ten thousand times) feel free to send it through as a comment... if it gets published on my home page, the bald man will send you a copy of Fattitude(hopefully you don't live in Siberia).
Live, Laugh, Love and Learn. And get off your ass.
It seems we have a not-so-new, but rarely discussed scourge on the Personal Development landscape.
We've all met Mr and Mrs fit-in-at-all-costs; the Social Zombie (what would you like me to do, be, say?). But over the last decade or three we have seen the rise of the Personal Development Zombie. The Self-Help Automaton. The person who hasn't had an independent thought or opinion since the eighties.
Now before I get on my cyber-soapbox, let's take a look at a couple of definitions:
Zombie - a person whose behaviour or responses are wooden, listless, or seemingly rote; automaton (ring any bells?).
Automaton - a person or animal that acts in a monotonous, routine manner, without active intelligence (know a few of these).
Cult - Obsessive, especially faddish, devotion by a group of people to, or veneration for, a person, principle, or thing.(Hmm... any Personal Development Programs, Books, DVD's or Gurus spring to mind?)
Personal Development Zombie - a person seemingly incapable of independent thought. Takes on the beliefs, philosophies, ideologies and identity of other higher profile and allegedly(?) more enlightened individuals. Believes what he or she is told without question and typically memorises and quotes their guru ad infinitum. Doesn't really understand or practice what he or she preaches but sounds very convincing. Alright, a bit convincing. Okay, really annoying.
The first three definitions are from respectable sources, the fourth is from the not-so-respectable HarperDictionary (a little-known Australian resource).
Like many of you, I cut my teeth on a mountain of self-help.... stuff. I read, I listened, I studied and I observed. I questioned, I disagreed, I made mistakes, I got into arguments (no!).
And while I learned plenty from some great teachers and found much of what I explored to be insightful, educational, inspiring and incredibly valuable, I also realised that the results I would produce and the reality I would create in all areas of my life... was still all about me.
I could memorise and quote Tony Robbins, Steven Covey and Deepak all day but that wouldn't make me... thebest me I can be; it would make me a pathetic, wanna-be clone of someone else. I still had to do, be, cope, manage, react to and learn from life... and all it's unpredictable variables.
When it comes to learning from the Personal Development Gurus (and they are numerous)... listen to them, consider their philosophy... but be YOU. Think, explore, question and discover your own truth. Not someone else's.
I've had people say to me... "I don't know any more... you tell me what to think." I know that sounds ridiculous but it's true. And sad.
Personal Development books, CD's, DVD's, programs and sites such as this one are not answers to problems.
They are resources.
They are information and inspiration. Nothing more.
How valuable they (those resources) will be for you (personally) will depend entirely on what you do with the information. My observation is that most people go to workshops (or read books), get educated, get informed, get motivated (for a minute), leave the auditorium (or book) and then go straight back to their destructive habits, bad attitudes and unfulfilled lives. Straight back to where they don't really wanna be (literally or figuratively).
They do nothing. They create no (genuine) change.
Don't believe what I write merely because you (may) respect me or connect with my communication style. NO, consider what I write, think about it, test it and see (prove) if it's true for you. Then come to some independent realisations about what is right (appropriate, real, meaningful, relevant) for you.
Have your own revelation. And then do something with it.
Spend time becoming your own guru. It's all there... you just need to develop it.
Genuine personal growth (life-long, forever change) doesn't come through courses, books or motivational workshops. They might be a catalyst for change... but the real growth comes through our experiences. Our practical life lessons. What we do.
We have to experience... to learn and grow.
And as long as our personal growth journey is limited to books, CD's, DVD's, workshops, web-sites, etc. (verses getting off our ass and doing life practically; learning by doing)... we run the very real risk of becoming a Personal Development Zombie.
So our intrepid getting-in-shape guinea pig (Cactus Chris) is almost at the half way mark of his twelve week body renovation program. And while he wasn't fat to start with, he's lost 5.5 kilos (12lbs) on the scales. He's also gained some muscle along the way... which means that his fat loss (in weight) would be somewhere around 7kgs (15lbs) by now. His fitness and strength have gone through the roof and over the next six weeks we're gonna tweak his diet a little, lift heavier and pack some quality muscle on him. From a distance... all you'll see will be his biceps. Beefcake Chris.
Giddyup.
Here's how he's travelling:
Girth Measurements Chest - plus 3cm Waist - minus 10cm Bicep - plus 1cm Shoulders - plus 2cm
Skin-fold Measurements (millimetres fat) Tricep - minus 7mm Subscapular - minus 4mm Thigh - minus 4mm Abdominal - minus 15 mm Supra Iliac - minus 14mm
In 1988 I had the idea of setting up a Personal Training centre in Melbourne. There were no commercial PT facilities in this country at the time. It would be Australia's first appointment-only gym. I was young, had no business experience, no tertiary qualification and not much money.
Clearly, a perfect plan.
On top of all that... the majority of (allegedly) well-intending, much-wiser-than-me 'advisers' suggested that there was no market for this type of business concept in Australia. It wouldn't work, I would lose my money and if anything, PT would be a short-lived fitness industry fad.
Thank goodness they were all around to 'help' me.
Fortunately for me, I found a way. Despite my numerous short-comings, challenges and 'helpers'.
The idea became a reality and the 'business concept that wasn't commercially viable' now completes around 80,000 appointments (training sessions) per year and provides careers for over fifty people in my Brighton centre alone.
Pretty good result for a dumb idea.
Now before you get the wrong idea... no, this is not a story about how clever I am (trust me, I do many dumb things), it's more a lesson in what might happen when we take our thinking cap off and put our doing sneakerson. Sometimes we think too much. For way too long.
At some stage every success... was simply an idea. An idea that was possibly had by many... and acted upon by one. A thought, a concept, a theory, a vague notion, a possibility floating around in someone's head. A possibility that became a reality.
At some stage somebody stopped talking, theorising, planning, waiting and took a chance. They dealt with their fear, their insecurities, their lack of ... whatever... and got off their butt.
They found a way.
While others with the same idea did nothing, they did something.
People who walk the talk (as opposed to the multitudes who talk only)... invariably find a way.
While the superstars with the great ideas live in a constant state of analysis paralysis, rationalising and justifying why "now is not the right time", people with less talent, more courage and more drive are turning dreams into realities.
Every successful organisation, business, program, product, endeavour was, at some stage, a theoretical concept which had life breathed into it by someone who had the vision, the attitude and the drive to make something from nothing.
Nine months ago I was a writer, business man, educator and professional speaker who had no idea what a blog site was. I met the bald man (Johnnie) and he ran an idea, a concept by me.
And while I'm still (happily) an internet rookie, I'm also a blogger with an international audience, a web-site which is growing and gaining momentum by the day, I'm helping a few people, doing some good, having a ball and learning new things daily. An idea... became a reality. Thanks Baldy.
BUT... (there's always a but) success doesn't always come easily and it hasn't fallen on our heads from a great height. We (Johnnie and I) work our (respective) asses off to make this blogging thing work. My goal (by the way) is not to make money from the site (no requests for donations.. ever) but to simply create an amazing personal development resource for people all over the world (I hope you're getting something out of your visits).
We're definitely not there yet, we make mistakes daily... but we're having a big crack at it and we won't die wondering. Between us, we invest about sixty hours per week into the site to ensure the look, the function and the content of the site is where and what we want it to be to achieve our desired outcomes... a lot of hours when you consider we both have real careers outside of our work on the site.
I know I won't die with my best ideas left in me. I'm gonna milk every ounce of my potential and ability... and have some fun doing it. Waddabout you?
It seems to me that many of us don't really know who we are. We have our very own personal identity crisis.
We spend our very busy lives doing stuff, achieving stuff.... but still not really knowing who we are. What's you're identity?
Who are you really?
If we take away all your stuff... then... who are you? Yeh, we know what you do for a job, we know what you look like, we know what you drive, where you live and what you've done... but who are you beyond all that?
Are you the sum of your achievements and possessions... or are you something much greater?
What are you known for? What will you be remembered for? Have you thought about it? Do you care?
How do others see you?
When people (who perhaps don't know you intimately) refer to you, what's your label?
"Oh, you know Todd; he's the surfie guy with the Brad Pitt body and the killer blue eyes."
"Sure you know Sarah; fifty-ish, heaps of money, owns that kid's clothing label, drives a Porsche.... blondehair"
"Simon?... oh yeh, he's that arrogant, how-good-am-I bodybuilder with the gigantic arms, tiny head, bad skin, horrible breath and no self-esteem."
And waddabout your family and friends; what kind of identity do you have with them?
"Yeh, dad's kinda... well.. I guess he doeslove us....I think... he's pretty moody though... but it's probably because he's tired, being the workaholic that he is... and anyway... as he always says; he's doing itall for us kids..... funny, doesn't feel like it sometimes"
For some people, their identity is their body (a body builder maybe, a model perhaps), or part thereof (the flat-chested girl who 'buys' herself some gigantic breasts). I see this (my-body-is-who-I-am syndrome) a lot in my work, and as ironic as it may seem, I actually spend most of my time helping people develop anything but their body.
When our total identity (who we are) is something external (to our mind, our spirit, our nature - the essence of who we really are), then we set ourselves up for pain, disappointment and anxiety.
As long as our identity is rooted in something which can be taken from us (looks, jobs, money, toys), we'll always be insecure.
For some people their identity is their career... "did I mention that I'm a CEO now?"
Their car... "wanna go for a spin in my....?"
Their house...."yeh, I probably don't need the thirteen bedrooms but..."
Their money... "got most of my money tied up in property, shares and a few others strategic investments..."
Their academicachievements... "yeh, just finished my Phd".. (great achievement but it's not who you are... it's a thing you did!).
Their fearsomereputation... "I've got seventeen black belts, I bench press a thousand pounds and I eat live chickens for breakfast"(and I'm an insecure idiot who desperately needs your approval).
Whatever their identity is....it's the thing which gives them (a level of) confidence and self esteem (in front of others anyway)... makes them feel more secure, safer, happier, better about themselves (for a while).
Earlier this week I went to a funeral to celebrate the life of an amazing woman. And while she had done much in her life (practical stuff, career stuff, sporting stuff), her children (all seven of them) got up and spoke about who their mother really was.
Her identity.
And this wasn't just some feel-good, emotional fluff... no, they painted an accurate picture of who this woman was. She wasn't a job, or a possession, or a body, or an achievement... although she had achieved much. No, she was a selfless, loving, caring, generous, passionate, strong individual who influenced and affected many... and left the world (or her part of it) a better place.
As I sat in that service with tears rolling down my cheeks (there goes my wanna-be-alpha-male identity), I thought to myself... I hope there are a few people present saying similar things when I'm done down here on the big blue ball.
It's great that we set goals and it's great to strive to be a high achiever (I do). And there's also absolutely nothing wrong with being wealthy, having a great body, an incredible career, a great home, practical goals (financial, physical, competitive, career) and even a few toys...
... as long as what we do, what we own... or what we look like... hasn't become who we are.
And as long aswe are not the sum of our achievements and possessions but in fact, something much greater.
Who are you?
Tell us your thoughts on identity (and where you're from).
Most of us live in a culture and society which is totally obsessed with perfection.
An obsession which invariably leads to pain. Emotional, psychological, physical, social and financial pain.
The perfection obsession is rampant.
It's completely ridiculous. It's unhealthy. It's unrealistic. And it's potentially very dangerous.
I have personally seen it lead to anxiety, depression, social dysfunction, eating disorders, emotional problems, unrealistic expectations, ruined relationships, massive financial debt, destructive habits and unfortunately, the occasional suicide.
We try and convince ourselves that we're all about the deep and meaningful, but when we take an honest, realistic look at how we live as a collective of people... the overwhelming message (perhaps not from you and I personally) is to aim for perfection.
And in order to have (the appearance of) perfection, we (we, the society) will do almost anything.
We have ten credit cards and spend money we don't have. We obsess about labels and brands.
We obsess about how others see us and what they think of us. We mutilate our healthy bodies with elective surgery and make rich surgeons richer. We preen, pluck, suck and tuck ourselves within an inch of our lives (literally sometimes). We starve ourselves. We self-diagnose and self-medicate. We lie to ourselves and others. We spend our lives acting out our perfect marriage, career, existence.
We compromise our values.
If only we could all see the beauty of our flaws. The beauty of normal.
If only we couldn't understand the (potential) happiness in normal.
I love my life, my relationships, my career, my body and my existence on the big blue ball despite my big nose... my slightly chubby tummy...my fifty-seven bad habits, my numerous issues... and my atrocious singing voice.
I'm happy in my imperfection.
When we live in a paradigm that says "I will be happy when XYZ is perfect", then we are destined for a life of misery.
When we learn to be happy with (rejoice in, even) our imperfect selves, our imperfect lives, our imperfect relationships and our imperfect bodies, then we're on the road the real personal growth.
Aiming for better is admirable, possibly even noble... but striving for perfection is stupid.
The moment we stop chasing perfection and start aiming for enlightenment (self-awareness, self-realisation, a different way of thinking andbeing) is the moment we start to move towards genuine happiness.
Where we sit on the (world famous) Craig HarperHappiness Continuum (made that term up but I like it... you can use it!) is inversely proportional to our desire for perfection.
That is, the less we are... all about perfection, the happier we will be.
So... the take home message you crazy kids?
(1) Perfection is a myth.
(2) It's perfectly normal to be imperfect.
(3) Stop trying to be some perfect, weird-ass version of you... and be you.
I know professional personal development writers aren't meant to use terms like weird-ass, so... I'd like to apologise for my inappropriate, imperfect communication style.
First, a definition (of a common Australian term) for my international friends...
Whinger (noun, pronounced w-i-n-j-a): a person who frequently complains or protests, especially in an annoying or persistent manner.
The verb is towhinge (w-i-n-j).
Blunt, politically incorrect Craig has been on holidays. He's back. And has been chatting with far too many whingers lately.
Yep; reached my whinger threshold.
It's true... lately I've spoken with way too many people who feel compelled to constantly share their negative, self-destructive, woe-is-me attitude with the world at every opportunity. We all know (work with, live with, live next door to, are married to, gave birth to) a chronic, career-whinger. They are exhausting (see my energy vampire post) and they are not fun to be around.
Like milk, they have a used-by date. I usually throw my whingers out with the hard rubbish collection. I put them on the nature strip and the council garbage guys pick them up once a month. Come past my place the first Tuesday of the month and you'll see a broken card table, a bike with one wheel, some old speakers and two whingers on the grass out the front.
You'll hear them still whinging as the truck heads down the road.
With so many good twelve-step (type) programs available, perhaps we need one for whingers; Whingers Anonymous (WA) perhaps.
"Hi I'm Sam... and I'm a whinger."
Sometimes I feel like I'm a sponsor for a hundred members of WA.
If someone's got a million problems, hurdles and challenges and a good attitude, I'm happy to help. If not, go and whinge elsewhere.
I don't care about your looks, talent, money, IQ, background or education; I care about your attitude. If you choose to have the right attitude, we can get stuff done. Quickly.
If you're not serious about doing everything possible to create your amazing life then please keep your glass-half-empty-ness to your depressing, I-want-attention, self. We're over it. (I'm not talking about people who suffer from clinical depression here or who have the occasional bad day - as we all do... no, I'm talking about people who consistently choose to make things harder than they need to be).
Yep, it is a choice.
People who whinge, whine, complain, blame and vent on a daily basis. People who want constant attention and sympathy but are not really prepared to do what's necessary to create life-long positive change (or at least give it a real crack).
(real crack: Aussie for genuineattempt).
And before you goody-two-shoes(ers) jump down my throat, yes we all need a little sympathy and attention from time to time... that's normal and healthy.
Not what I'm talking about here.
We all know that there's an undeniable relationship between our attitude and the type of results we produce in all areas of our life and we also know that winning (whatever winning represents for us individually) is not about one thing, but many things.
But with all this knowing.... it seems that there's still not enough doing (building our attitude muscles and doing everything humanly possible to change our crappy mind-set). Last week I spoke with a lady who has been a regular on my site since day one. Loves what I write, told me it's inspirational, life-changing stuff and... then proceeded to absolutely unload on me about her woe-is-me, the-world's-not-fair, nobody-gets-me... life.
I told her she can read all she likes, have all the knowledge and live on my site... but her life won't change until her attitude does. (Yes, I told her I would write this post).
Without doubt, poor attitude and a negative mind-set are still the biggest hurdles for the majority of people (living in Western society).
We know what to do but we don't do what we know.
Too many talented, intelligent, capable people are chronic under-achievers because of a crappy attitude which pervades every area of their existence (work, home, relationships, health, communication).
They could do and be so much more. They focus on negatives. They major on minors. They look for reasons to whinge.
As a change specialist (for want of a better term) I am constantly consulting with people who want to create positive change in numerous areas of their life, and while there are many ingredients in the recipe for winning, without doubt the most important success ingredient is the right attitude.
I don't have all the answers (nobody does) but I have some suggestions for those in need of an attitude renovation:
1. Ask the right questions. Ask the "what can I do" questions... not the "why is this happening to me" questions. Learn to ask the empowering questions not the woe-is-me ones.
"No, I don't enjoy having these genetics or weighing 300 pounds but what can I do today to start the wheels turning?"
"Can I start to move more from today?" Yep.
"Can I choose to eat differently from right now?" Yep.
"Is it physiologically possible for me to lose the weight (even though I haven't done it before)? Yep. "Can I choose to listen more to my partner and make them feel better?" Yep. "Can I learn new things and develop new skills... even at 'my age'?" Yep. (See the recent story in the news about the ninety five year-old lady from the US who just graduated from college... she thinks she might do her masters!)
She asked the "what can I do" question.
2. Don't waste time or emotional energy on things you can't change. The past, for example. Other people, for example.
3. Make a conscious decision every morning to be positive... even when you don't feel positive. Sometimes that glass-half-full disposition is not about feelings or emotions but choices. Do it often enough and you'll actually believe what's coming out of your mouth! Creating your new-and-improved attitude needs to be a conscious process... this means changing how you communicate with others, changing how you react and changing how you choose to exist.
Creating a winning attitude doesn't happen accidentally; it's a conscious, methodical process.
4. Spend time with winners. Let them challenge you, teach you, influence you and slap you behind the ear. Hang out with losers... and pretty soon, you'll be one.
5. Change your self-talk. Constantly putting yourself down doesn't help. Anyone. The "I'm fat, useless, ugly and dumb dialogue" is pointless and unnecessarily painful. When someone compliments you, simply say "thanks".
6. Shape up. There's an undeniable relationship between our physiology and our mental and emotional health. It's impossible to have our best state of mind (attitude) when we have neglected or abused our body. While we don't need to be an Olympian or a gym junkie, it is amazing what a dramatic effect an increase in fitness and overall health can have on our day-to-day attitude and outlook.
7. Keep things in perspective. Easy to write... hard to do (sometimes). Nonetheless, it needs to be written because it's true. As I've said once before on this site, spend a few weeks in the Sudan and you might (will) change your attitude about your current situation. Some of us find things to whinge about.
8. Embrace challenges, adversity, competition, discomfort. Resistance in life (like in the gym) makes us stronger. Changes our thinking. Changes our attitude.
9. Toughen up. Occasionally I get criticised for my stop-being-a-sook philosophy. But the undeniable truth is that winners are tough. They are not precious. By the way, you don't need to be some big wanna-be-alpha-male-(or female)-warrior to be mentally and emotionally tough. One of the toughest people ever (one of my heroes) was a little old woman who lived, worked and thrived in some of the worst conditions imaginable... every day of her life. By choice. Her name was Mother Teresa.
10. Understand that a good attitude is a psychological commitment (a decision), not an emotional state of constant optimism or euphoria. People with good attitudes don't constantly buzz around feeling happy, positive and amazing. They get sad, frustrated, anxious, stressed... all the normal stuff. They just make the choice to find the good.
Lots of things in this life are beyond our control; attitude is not one of them.
Growing up in Australia means growing up with sheep.
Well, kind of.
Not that we have them sleeping in our lounge room or running around our front yard or anything, but Australia, amongst other things, is a farming nation and at some stage, most Aussie kids (although less these days) have spent time at their uncle's farm (it's always an uncle) rounding up the sheep or cows on their school holidays.
Or they grew up on a farm themselves.
Now, I'm no sheep-ologist (my site, my words), but what I did learn about our woolly friends on my childhood expeditions to my uncle's farm is that they are... kinda stupid (sheep not uncles).
Okay, some uncles too.
No, I'm not trying to offend my animal-loving friends and no, I don't eat lamb but I gotta tell ya, Flipper and Lassie are in no immediate danger of having their title taken as the smartest creatures in the animal kingdom.
They (sheep) wander aimlessly and all tend to follow each other but (it seems) nobody really knows who's in charge. To the casual observer, it doesn't seem that there's a whole lotta independent thinking goin' on inside the head of yer average sheep.
Dogs are neuro-surgeons compared to sheep.
And while it's clear that a dolphin will win a Nobel Peace Prize one day, yer average sheep has about two thoughts a year... and that's usually something like:
"Hey Harry, are you done eating that patch of grass?"
Sure, they're cute, they're woolly and they make great Ugg boots (I know I'm gonna get in trouble for that... but it's so worth it) but there ain't gonna be a sheep graduating from Harvard Law School any time soon.
Unfortunately for us, it seems that our woolly friends have a human counterpart. For the purposes of this discussion, I'm gonna call him (and her) the social sheep.
You can find them in social settings, in the corporate world, in sporting clubs, in politics, in churches, synagogues... in fact, not unlike the energy vampires we spoke about recently, the social sheep has successfully infiltrated every corner of society.
And while they're not an immediate threat to humanity as we know it, they are incredibly annoying.
So for the sake or your sanity and mine, here's my guide on:
How to detect asocial sheep:
(1) They often have that same dumb sheep look about them; the lights-are-on-but-nobody's-home look (not to be confused with Big Brother contestants - who always have that look).
(2) They tend to do what everyone else is doing. They don't really know why, but they are compelled by some uncontrollable, intrinsic need to conform (they love doing the Mexican wave at sporting events; makes them feel part of the group).
(3) They take on the opinions of others as their own. They seem to be incapable of having an independent thought or a contrary opinion. They constantly agree with everything said and nod their head a lot. The hard-core social sheep laughs uncontrollably at jokes they don't understand in order be accepted.
(4) Some of the more evolved social sheep do have independent thought and opinion... but won't share them for fear of being cut from the herd.
(5) Can't cope with criticism. The social sheep crumbles when criticised and needs to be constantly patted on the head.
(6) A social sheep is an imitatornot an innovator. "Hmm, what are they doing... I'll do that." (plenty of these in the fitness industry).
(7) An underlying sadness. While many social sheep are nice people with noble intentions (to keep the peace, make others happy, to not rock the boat), invariably they end up making themselves unhappy.
(8) The chronic people pleaser. A text-book social sheep will express a different opinion or point of view (on a certain subject) to different people within five minutes if it means being accepted (or approved of) by two different groups of peers in the same social setting (I have personally seen this many times). He or she will say what they believe peoplewant to hear.
(9) Denial. A social sheep will deny or hide his or her own beliefs in order to be accepted.
(10) Splinters. A social sheep will usually have large splinters in their butt from sitting on the fence.
So next time you're chatting with a social sheep, pull him down from his fence, don't pat him on the head... and do tell him it's okay if he thinks for himself.
Then tell him you'll like him despite his stupid, embarrassing, socially-unacceptable opinions!
What an amazing response we've had to Gill's story.
Heading towards one hundred comments and Darrell is now the most successful writer on craigharper.com (still no issues here) and we've seen an incredible outpouring of heart-felt love and support for Dasha and his boys.
Ya gotta love lovedon'tcha? Maybe the Beatles were right.
Isn't it great that so many people from so many places can come together (blogospherically) and connect and reach out to someone else.
No agenda, no ulterior motive. Just love, compassion and care.
Nice.
Sometimes us personal development types need to take off our high-achiever hats for a minute and put on our compassionate human-being hats (yes we can wear both but periodically we lose perspective about what is really important).
Sometimes we're so busy striving for amazing... that we ignore (or don't see) the incredible that we have right now.
When we strip our existence here on the big blue ball down to the bare bones, we don't reallyneed stuff (I'm not talking about food and shelter; I'm talking about toys, trophies, excess), we need to love and be loved. To be needed. Wanted. Desired.
We pretend we don't. We try and convince ourselves and others that we don't. But we do.
The irony is that some of us spend a lifetime accumulating stuff which doesn't make us happy, fulfilled or 'successful' anyway... then we come the full circle and say "all I want is someone to love me."
So many people tell me that they had success (the love of someone special) but didn't know it, see it, appreciate it, enjoy it. It came to an end (for whatever reason) and then all that mattered was to get that (affection, attention, love, person) back.
Pity we (sometimes) have to lose something/someone to know what we've got/had.
Try and find someone who is totally unloved and happy... good luck with that. You'll be looking for a long time.
Wanna find someone who's poor and happy.... no problem. Someone who's fat and happy... no problem. Someone who's physically or intellectually handicapped and happy... no problem.
Someone who is intelligent, wealthy, good looking, unloved and happy... nuh. Ain't gonna happen.
We know that success is different things for different people... but perhaps the closest we can get to a universally acceptable definition of success is simply to love and be loved. Full-stop.
"Oh yes Craig but life's not that simple."
Well maybe life is that simple... maybe we make it complex. Maybe us self-helpers (sometimes) miss the point.
Yes we live in a practical world where dead-lines need to be met, boxes ticked and bills paid, but perhaps when we step away from our practical commitments and to-do lists, the emotional reality of the human experience (we are largely emotional beings) is that we are simply happiest when we love and are loved in return.
Maybe sometimes we do complicate the simple. Maybe sometimes we do overlook the obvious. Maybe sometimes we do invest our energy in the wrong place/s.
Maybe Great-Grandpa and Grandma Harper who never read the Seven Habits (no dis-respect to SC), never had a 'property portfolio', never had six percent body-fat, never attended a workshop and never owned a house on the beach but just happened to spend fifty-something happy, loving years together... maybe they (along with Ringo, Paul, John and George) understood (and lived) what we sometimes overlook; success is not a head thing, it's a heart thing.
While I'm not so ideal or naive as to suggest that success (happiness, fulfillment, contentment) is all about love... it's my contention (your honour) that maybe it is the most important ingredient.
Love your thoughts on the matter. You know the drill...
So it seems not everybody loves what I have to say (no surprise there). Andrew from Surrey thinks I need to lift my game. Well Andrew, I'll do my best to stop churning out that mindless, boring, un-inspirational crap and pen something spectacular one day soon... just for you.
Just got this from Andrew off the cyber-highway:
Dear Craig, I have visited your blog for the first time today. I had a read through a few of the blogs, but i have a problem. The things that you say, i already do. All the blogs about success, winning, inner beauty and goals, i already do. I feel really bad because someone i knew said you were really inspirational. Can you please write something trully amazingly inspirational so i can marvel at you? Andrew from Surrey
We all need our own Andrew from Surrey to keep us grounded. Back in therapy for me. Thanks for your honesty Andrew.
* Hi Guys. Before I get under way with today's post, I want to thank you for the love and support you've shown Darrell and his boys. They appreciate it very much. It is nice to know that in an often harsh and selfish world, there are still plenty of people who are thoughtful, generous and caring.... just because they are.
Thanks.
Yesterday I went for a run along the beach near my house. Burned a few cals, got a bit of sun... no biggie... except for the fact that I got a life-lesson from a five year-old.
Here's the scene: The ex-bodybuilder with the dodgy lower-back running (for want of a more descriptive or accurate term) along the path which borders the sand. The kid (clearly an architect in the making) just off the path, in the sand building a.... aah.. er... well, building something kinda big and messy looking out of sand and junk.
Kid sees weird-looking guy limping along the track.
Kid: "Waddya doin'?" CH: "Going for a jog." Kid: "Why." CH: "I'm a bit fat." Kid: "Yeh, you are." (Gotta love kids). CH: "Thanks." CH: "What are you doin'?"
(Fat bloke stops running).
Kid: "I'm building a castle." CH: "What's that plastic thing?" (I think it was a lid from an ice-cream container) Kid: "That's the draw-bridge." (looks at me like I'm an idiot for not knowing) CH: "And that big hole thingy?" Kid: That's gonna be my moat." CH: "And that?" (a big lump of wood) Kid: "That's the tower silly." CH: "Of course it is, what was I thinking?" (mother sitting twenty feet away laughing).
I told him his castle was great. He told me he knew.
I was on my way.
Have you ever noticed how creative kids are? And how creative we adults (often) aren't.
Well actually, that's not entirely true. We are inherently creative but we (often) get to an age where we stop creating. We stop developing and exploring our creativity because we get fearful (about the reaction to our creative endeavours), we get busy (with our often unfulfilling life, situation) and we get too sensible and 'mature' to be our creative selves.
What a pity.
As I left the budding architect up to his elbows in sand and creativity, I pondered how cool it is that five year-olds don't worryabout what people think about their castles... like us dumb adults do.
They sing into their hair brushes, they choreograph their own dance routines, they become their favourite super-hero, they build castles out of sand and junk; they express themselves fearlessly.
They make something from nothing. They Imagine. They create. They haven't yet learned the 'lessons' that their (ex-creative) parents have.
Lucky them.
We grown-ups worry about what people think of our castles. Too much. So we never build one.
We'd like to. But we don't.
If I was building that castle a decade ago I would have wanted only the best materials, I would have spent two weeks planning it, I would have employed a builder and I wouldn't let anyone see it, until it was perfect. And if it wasn't perfect I'd probably pull it down and start again.
Stupid.
I was a perfectionist (not in a good way).
Over the last ten years I have re-connected with creative me. Fortunately. (or perhaps unfortunately for you!) I have stopped stressing about whether or not creative me was good enough to share with the world.
Creative me is happy. And boring, safe old me actually loves creative me. Boring, safe old me would never have written, communicated or shared like I do now. Boring, safe old me wouldn't have taken the risk. Too precious. Too egotistical. Too insecure.
When I wrote my first book I constantly questioned myself. Boring, safe old me was very good at rationalising why (1) I shouldn't or couldn't write the book and (2) why it would never get published. Nearly every day people would tell me about the realities and the logistics of getting a book published (especially by an unknown author).
I heard this quote a hundred times:
"Craig, you know that they publish less than one out of every thousand submitted manuscripts right?"
And this one:
"Did you know that if you don't engage them (the publisher) in the first two paragraphs, they won't even read past page one."
Yep; unanimous support from everyone.
Not.
No wonder we stop creating.
Well the bloke who had never written a book and apparently had no hope of getting one published, got five written rejections and then a resounding yes from Australia's second largest publishing house (complete with an advance payment).
Just lucky I guess.
Sometimes we worry so much about what people think about our castles (creative endeavours) that we don't do anything. We stop expressing ourselves. We stop singing. Stop painting, writing and dancing.
The choice we can all make any day of the week is whether or not we will let creative us have a voice. Too many of us say no. How sad.
Anyway, that's enough from me... I gotta go jump up and down on my bed and sing into my hairbrush.
As you may or may not know, a few weeks ago we (the bald man and I) had an informal get-together with some craigharper-dot-commers for a lazy breakfast and chat right here in the thriving metropolis of Melbourne. (Low-fat, low-sugar, low-salt, low taste, low enjoyment, low fun.... of course.).
Not.
And while I met a bunch of great people who were all on their own amazing journey of change and personal growth, one person had a big impact on me.
We were all sitting down destroying our breakfasts, when a young good looking bloke appeared in the doorway of the cafe and looked in our direction. He stood there for a moment trying to figure out if the loud, disorderly rabble in the corner (us) was who he was looking for.
I made eye contact, he recognised me from the site and he made his way over and sat down next to me. Now, at the risk of getting myself in trouble here... I gotta say, on first impression (physical only) he wasn't exactly who I would have (typically) expected to turn up at our breakfast; early thirties, built like superman, good looking... coulda been a male model. Looked like he shoulda been out surfing. Or shooting an advertisement for four-wheel drives.
Or starring in a wild-life special for National Geographic.
So anyway, Mr. buffed and annoyingly-good-looking (no issues here) came and sat next to me. I soon discovered that on top of being annoying-good-looking, he was also annoyingly-nice. Bugger. Now I had to like him.
In the first two minutes of our conversation, I learned that Darrell had driven from New South Wales border (for our international readers, that's about a five hour drive) just to be at the breakfast; that's commitment. He also told me that he just wanted a brief opportunity to chat with me.
He said to me, "I knew that if I could get even five minutes of your time, the (ten-hour return) trip would be worthwhile" (okay, now I wanted to hug him).
Even though he was smiling and friendly, I sensed that there was an underlying sadness. I discovered that he had (very) recently experienced tragedy, was still grieving and trying to figure it all out. I also learned that he had found some sense of hope, optimism and comfort through our humble little website.
As you probably know, this week we are running a writing forum on craigharper.com so that our readers (you) can become the teacher, writer, messenger for the week and share your experiences and thoughts (see the orange lessons from readers menu option in the right sidebar).
Well Darrell has written a piece for our forum and today I wanted to let him share his story with you:
What's winning and amazing to you? I once knew a beautiful girl who had a smile that would light up any room she entered. She was gorgeous, not only externally but internally as well. She endeared herself to everyone she met with her wonderful smile, infectious laugh and her loving, caring nature.
She had met the man of her dreams and had created a family (two adorable boys) that she loved and cared for with a passion that all great mothers have. She lived in her perfect world and wanted nothing more than to be with her family and to guide and watch her two boys grow into adulthood. She was the perfect role model who didn't drink or smoke and enjoyed a very healthy diet as she was an exceptional cook who had a passion for preparing deliciously nutritional meals.
One day this girl was delivered some extraordinarily bad news.
Although she had been well, she felt that her bowel was not functioning properly and when a surgeon went in for a closer look he found a tumor that had perforated her bowel wall and spread to her liver, ovaries and throughout her pelvic floor. She went from a normal healthy life one day, to dealing with a terminal disease the next. A disease that threatened to rip apart the perfect family and life she had created and leave her husband and two boys without the wife and mother they adored more than anything. When the surgeon delivered this gut-wrenching news, wiping back tears of anguish after instantly realising her dream of seeing her boys grow up was in serious jeopardy, she proceeded to thank the surgeon for trying. That was just her. Not one word of anger or frustration was muttered from her mouth.
Not one to sit back and feel sorry for herself and accept the fate bestowed on her by the medical fraternity, she immediately embarked on a journey of healing, trying to find a solution to the cause of this dreaded disease rather than just treating the symptoms in a regime of chemotherapy as was suggested by the doctors. Her strength, will power and character were tested on many occasions but she stood firm in rejecting any palliative treatment as she knew to survive long term, it would only inhibit her path to true healing.
She enjoyed good health for many months and her journey was going well until she started noticing some discomfort in the rectal area. Some subsequent tests confirmed that there was tumor activity and again the course of treatment suggested was chemotherapy and radiation treatment. She was such a strong-willed person and knowing that this treatment was only palliative, she chose to keep up her search for healing in more holistic therapies.
After a couple of months her condition had deteriorated when she came across a Biological Medicine clinic in Switzerland that offered some form of hope. She was faced with a decision to stay at home and wait to die or to make the trip to Switzerland with the possibility of never returning to see her children again. Although the clinic gave her hope, there were never any promises and she was well aware that things may not turn out as she would like.
Unable to accept that she would not be around to see her children grow up, she stared down her fears and boarded the plane for Switzerland. She showed strength and will power beyond belief and she inspired many with her amazing courage and will to live. She knew the trip to Switzerland was a risk and everything that possibly could have gone wrong actually did.
Her journey ended in Switzerland with her loving husband by her side.
My message is that winning and creating amazing doesn't have to be a complex thing. It doesn't have to be what is amazing through other peoples eyes, only your own. It can be very simple things in life that can be your amazing and make you a winner. I once knew a girl who thought walking her two boys to school was amazing.
She was my wife; she was a winner and she was amazing.
Darrell Spencer.
Darrell's beautiful wife (Gill) passed away about eight weeks ago and he and his two boys need all the love and support we can give them. He is an amazing person with an incredible attitude and strength.... but the truth is, he has no choice; he has to cope. And he will.
Even through this tragedy he will learn and grow and take these painful lessons to help others and to raise his boys to be the men he and his wife dreamed they would be.
Darrell, you are an incredible, brave and inspirational person, it is a pleasure to have met you and from all of us at craigharper.com we send you all our love, support and prayers and we commit to helping you in any way we can.
Next time I feel like complaining about my 'tough life', I'll remember you and your boys.
Love you Buddy ( )
Darrell needs lots of love and support... even from strangers. Why don't you send him some?
Click on the comments link... and give him a cyberhug at the very least.
HeyGuys, don't forget that you can still submit your own words of inspiration and education to our LessonsFromReaders writing forum until next Sunday (May 13)... so get writing... we've already had some amazing contributions. If you've got no idea what I'm on about, scroll down a couple of posts.
Have you ever noticed how many people survive some type of horrendous near-death experience (drama, trauma, accident, illness) or some other significant personal tragedy (sudden loss of a loved-one perhaps)... and then realise that they have some kind of previously undiscovered (or used) amazing ability, talent or drive to do incredible things with their life?
One of the most interesting studies in the field of behavioural science (for me anyway) is the dramatic way that people often change (personality, attitudes, thinking, behaviours, philosophy) following some kind of personal tragedy (often a near-death experience).
People who previously didn't have the skills, knowledge, confidence, drive or energy to scratch their butt (supposedly)... are instantly passionate, driven, competent high-achievers. Seemingly, overnight they become different people. They become dynamic motivators and teachers. The follower becomes an amazing leader. The person who couldn't look you in the eye is standing at a microphone addressing the masses. They develop incredible programs and work on the streets with homeless people. They build orphanages for kids in far away places. They become outspoken, fearless activists and lobbyists for noble causes. People who couldn't motivate themselves to get a job, become proactive go-getters. People who had their butt glued to the couch become inspirational role-models. People who never stepped outside their little box... never, ever return (to their box). People who were once bound by fear are suddenly fearless.
Sometimes, it's likethey really are completely different people.
But the truth is, they are the same person doing different things.
That new amazing person was always there. But tragically, too many people live and die... never having met their own amazing self. Too scared. Too conservative. Too safe. Too sensible.
People who go through these amazing experiences come out the other side with no more talent, potential or intelligence. They come out with a different mindset. A different way of looking at life, the world and everything in it (including themselves).
Therefore, they create different.
Their world changes... because they change.
(I'm not typically into mantras or affirmations... but putting the words "my world will change when I change" on your fridge... might be a good reminder).
I hope you don't have to endure a tragedy or close-call before you decide to introduce your amazing self to the rest of us.
*Hey Team, before you read today's post, don't forget that you can submit your own words of inspiration and education to our Lessons From Readers writing forum until next Sunday (May 13)... so get writing... we've already had some amazing contributions. If you've got no idea what I'm on about, read the post below this one.
If you're like many, then some days your mind is a war zone.
Complete with the good guys (Mr glass-half-full) and the bad guys (Mr stay-in-bed-you-loser) fighting for your attention; your thoughts.
Competing for valuable territory on your cerebral landscape.
Fear, self doubt, anxiety, apathy; all normal daily, emotional experiences for us mere mortals. All debilitating... if we let them be.
For many people, every day is an ongoing war of the mind.
A kind of tug-of-war between the you, you want to become... and the you that believes you'll never get there, don't deserve to be there and don't have what it takes.
The you that rationalises failure. The you that accepts mediocrity. The you that constantly talks yourself down. The you that has listened to (and believed) way too much negative crap from idiots for way too long.
The truth is that some of us will have our own personal war of the mind for a while yet (to some extent)... but the good news is that (1) it doesn't need to stop us from creating amazing and (2) things can be significantly better from today if we (choose to) take a different attitude into every situation.
Didn't say it would be easy... just said it's possible.
I'm kinda successful (and sometimes kind of a loser) and I still deal with mental and emotional challenges daily; this isn't called weakness or inadequacy... it's called the human condition.
The difference (from some) is that I choose my future.
I (mostly) control my actions and reactions.
I maximise my (limited) potential... because I want to milk every ounce of my ability and see what I can do and be... in my lifetime.
When I get to the end of my days (hopefully that's a while yet), I want to be able to look back and say "despite my fears and flaws, I did the best I could with what I had... I absolutely squeezed every ounce out of my life and I have no regrets."
I know that I have written on variations of this topic regularly, but the truth is that despite our knowledge, despite our education and despite our frequent visits to sites such as this, many of us still constantly short-change ourselves, constantly accept second-best (we believe that's all we're worth) and constantly under-achieve (no offense intended).
One of the problems with (some) personal development (a.k.a. success) philosophies is that there's typically a huge focus on the external (income, beauty, career, toys) when in fact, nearly everything that truly limits us is internal.
When we get the internal stuff right, then the external falls into place more easily... but too many try and do it the other way around.
When we put the 'who we are' before the 'what we've got'..... then we start to succeed. On all levels.
We don't stumble across our ideal career, land our dream job, find our perfect life-partner and then... get our sh** together.
No... it happens the other way around
And unfortunately, many people don't really get this.
They have been poorly programmed. They have had bad teachers. They embrace the "when I own this, earn that or weigh less... then I'll win the war of the mind" philosophy.
Dumb plan.
A famous crusty old football coach once said that all games are won or lost between the ears... well life's kinda like that also.
Here are my tips for winning your personal War of the Mind:
1. Go on the offensive. Get a little aggressive (not physically) about what you want. Nothing wrong with the occasional well-planned attack. Sitting around hoping and waiting is frustrating, futile and pointless. Start doing and creating. Beating ourselves up (emotionally) serves no purpose but sometimes we need to get a little angry at ourselves (habits, behaviours)... in order to create some real momentum. Stand up for yourself, have an opinion, get off the fence, stop compromising and stop allowing yourself to be a victim. If you don't have a wooden head and strings attached to your arms and legs, then there's a fair chance your not a puppet... so stop living like one.
2. Get the wheels turning early in the day. Being productive early in the day generally gets our head in the place we need it to be to create positive outcomes. If possible, exercise early in the day too. Do something significant before lunch time.
3. Do something (soon) that you've never done (properly) but should have long ago. Make that decision. Start that diet, exercise plan. Maintain that new eating and exercise plan! Make that phone call. Address that fear front on. Talk to that person. Take that chance.
4. Don't accept defeat. A defeat is only a defeat when we call it that. We only have experiences... and then we choose what to name them. We choose what they will represent to us. How they will impact us. One person's defeat, will be another person's lesson.
(Are you listening Grasshopper?... this is not a theory, this is a fact)
The labels that we give things (situations, circumstances, events) are very powerful... so be careful how you define things.
One of the saddest sights is someone who has given up.
5. Cut the negative self-talk. Even if you think you're rubbish, we don't wanna hear it. It's ugly and pathetic. It annoys the crap out of the rest of us and it doesn't help you... at all. Stop talking yourself down. Call yourself a loser often enough and you'll become a prophet.
6. Commit. Start commiting and stop avoiding. Stop fluffing around. Make commitments which will (help) ensure you keep doing. Enrol in a course (and pay up front!). Make a verbal commitment to someone who will keep you honest. Some people spend their lives avoiding commitment of any kind, don't be one of them.
7. Turn your fear into excitement. As I've said before, a certain level of fear is healthy. But that's not the kind of fear we're talking about here. Being able to turn that debilitating fear into a challenge and an opportunity is where we grow, adapt and win. A friend of mine who is (was) terrified of heights went sky diving. Totally changed her. For the better. Now she's so fearless and driven she's annoying!
8. Don't confuse what you feel... with what is real. Just because you feel inadequate.... doesn't mean you are inadequate. It's a feeling; nothing more. Learn to differentiate between your self-limiting emotions and reality. Make sure you don't turn those negative feelings into beliefs. Sometimes we need to do things despite what we're feeling.
So, if your mind is occasionally (or frequently) a war zone then perhaps today is the day you'll wheel out the heavy artillery and start taking back some ground.
We all believe we've got at least one important message in us.
A lesson or story that might be of value to others. But how can we share... where do we start, why would someone listen to us and how can we have an instant global platform?
Well, today's your lucky day. For this week (week commencing Monday, May 7), I'm giving you (access to) my audience. I'm giving you instant readers. Thousands of them. A platform to share your thoughts and ideas. If you have a desire to be heard (read) by people from all over the globe, then this week at Renovate Your Life (craigharper.com) is your week.
If you've got something to say. If you wanna get something off your chest (no venting or bitching..... unless it's hilarious). If you wanna teach, share, inspire, motivate, connect.
Your message might be educational, motivational, inspirational, thought provoking, philosophical, enlightening, challenging, confronting, silly or funny. It may come out of a painful or joyful experience. It might be a philosophy that you've developed over time. It might be a life lesson that you feel would benefit others. It might be a funny story that's gonna make me fall down laughing.
Or it might just be an opportunity for you to practice your writing and communication skills. It might also be a chance for you to overcome a fear. Or two.
Yes, I know stuff like this can be scary. And yes I know that even right now, some of you are talking yourselves out of a great opportunity to grow and learn. But why don't you stop waiting, thinking, rationalising, procrastinating... and share a lesson or story with the rest of us? Why don't you stop categorising yourself as a person who 'doesn't participate in things like this.' You wanna be different?... do different. You might be surprised what comes of it. You might make a friend... or ten.
Okay, here's the drill...
I will publish every submission that meets the following criteria:
No more than five hundred words.
It must be completely original (and previously unpublished) content.
One submission per person.
No profanity, no political agendas, no 'selling' of products.
No criticism of other (named) individuals or sites.
If you have a web-site you can add your link at the end of your piece (you rock Craig).
If you want people to be able to contact you, you can also include your email address.
If you want to be anonymous, that's fine too.
Remember, it's not a competition (you are not being judged or evaluated... you are being read); it's an opportunity and an exercise in personal growth.
However... I will be giving away five copies of my book Fattitude for submissions that push my buttons (inspire me, challenge me, teach me something or make me laugh). The first submission will receive a book also.
All submissions will be published on the site within twenty four hours of receiving them. To see your submission and/or to be inspired by others, simply click on the funky orange menu option (the one which says lessons from readers) in the right sidebar on the home page (directly below the Life Renovation advertisement).
If any of the submissions are considered to be outstanding and appropriate for publication on the home page of this site, they may be run (with your permission) as post-for-the-day, replacing my daily ramble. Of course the author will be given credit for his or her writing.
If you have any questions, thoughts or feedback, click on the comments link below.
Public speaking is a curiosity; most people either love it... or are absolutely terrified of it.
Some people are physically ill just saying their name in front of a group... while others will wrestle you to the ground to rip a microphone from your hand.
Over the years I have done somewhere over three thousand presentations nationally and internationally (including corporate stuff, educational stuff, sporting teams, schools and fitness industry stuff).
And at least five of those talks were good.
Alright, three.
I get emails every day asking me how I got to do what I do and what advice I might have to offer the would-be public speaker.
So rather than re-writing the same reply nineteen thousand times over the next ten years, I thought I might make my life easier and formalise my thoughts on the matter with a post.
Okay, pens poised. (or printers turned on).
Here we go... Public Speaking 101:
1. Decide what kind of speaker you want to be: Find your public speaking niche; what are you good at? What are you suited to? What are you passionate about? Who do you want your audience to be? What is your key message; your mission? Do you want to do it professionally?
Are you an educator... "Okay class, let's take a look at the physiological benefits of progressive resistance training for the elderly"
Are you a motivator... "I'm not interested in your comfort or enjoyment, I'm interested in results... now stop whining, stop bleeding and get up off the floor!!" (Mmm... maybe that's a masochist!)
Are you an entertainer... "hey guys, a funny thing happened on the way here tonight... "
2. Have a U.S.P. In business we want something which separates us from our competitors; we call this a Unique Selling Proposition. If you want a successful career as a speaker then you need to give people a reason to want to utilise your services. People always have options... so we want to be the best option (eventually)... or a better option at least.
3. Spend significant time writing, preparing and committing your presentations to memory. You need to (1) have great content (fresh, interesting, challenging, stimulating, confronting, funny, relevant) and (2) you need to know your stuff inside-out. The better you know your material, the more relaxed you will be in front of your group.
Looking at notes repeatedly while you speak... not cool.
4. Practice often. In the car. In front of the mirror. To your dog, cat, rabbit... plants! Recruit an audience... your family perhaps.
5. Get feedback. When you do any presentation (even if it's a dry run in front of friends or family) ask for constructive feedback. Don't be precious and consciously work on your weaknesses.
6. Film your presentation. Want some real perspective?... watch yourself on film. The first time I saw myself on video (it was the 80's) I was totally weirded out by all of my little public speaking idiosyncrasies and habits... I repeated myself, I spoke too fast, I spoke with my back to the audience (as I wrote on a board), I kept rolling up my sleeves in this kind of unconscious nervous little ritual thingy (embarrassing) and my finish was about as exciting and empowering as porridge.
I hated watching myself.
But what it did was let me see what everyone else sees. Not a particularly comfortable process but a valuable one. I instantly became a better presenter after that. (I didn't want to put anyone through that pain again).
7. Do freebies. Every public speaker has done hundreds of freebies along the way. You can only develop a skill... by practising that skill. Reading about, talking about and thinking about public speaking doesn't improve your actual skills.... public speaking improves your public speaking skills.
8. Be able to present on different topics... or at least variations of the same topic. If you can speak (competently) on a broad range of subject matter, you are more likely to be in demand.
9. Study other speakers. Next time you watch another (quality) public speaker, take a look at the process through the eyes of a student public speaker; you will learn a bunch. Watch how they engage their audience, their timing, their use of (appropriate) humour, how they dress, how they incorporate their audio-visual stuff, how they start, how they conclude.
10. Create opportunities "So Sam, tell me a bit about yourself..."
"Well I actually do a bit of public speaking in the health and fitness area..."
"Hey that's fantastic... how would you like to talk to my team of fat sales execs?"
11. Join a public speaking organisation There are some great organisations (like toastmasters) who get like-minded people together and help them develop their public speaking skills and careers.
12. Don't be impatient. If public speaking is something that you might want to do long term, don't be impatient. Spend adequate time learning, watching, researching, practising and developing before you rent your first ten thousand seat auditorium. Be ambitious. And realistic. And patient.
13. Know your audience. Research the company, organisation, group that you're speaking to. What kind of group are they? Will there be thirty or three hundred in the audience? Are they corporates, are they truck drivers, are they predominantly male or female, are they kids, are they students... have they been presented to before? Talk to the organiser (the person who gave you the gig) and get some insight into your audience.
14. Use audio-visual aids when appropriate and relevant. The occasional well-placed video or slide can be a valuable addition to a presentation and can provide you with a nice opportunity to re-group, collect your thoughts and take a look at your crowd. This concept is not to be confused with the mindlessly-boring presenter who feels compelled to base his entire presentation around a series of slides, photographs, charts and statistical tables. (all high-lighted with his laserpointer gizmo).
If I see you doing that, I'll hurt you.
15. Don't rush your material. Don't talk too fast, don't try and present too much information and don't have too many slides (if you are doing a power-point presentation). Not too long ago I sat in a presentation where the speaker had over forty slides for a forty minute presentation. It was a disaster and it hurt my brain.
16. Have a great finish. Leave them inspired, challenged, excited, curious and impressed.
There you have it; Craig's mini-seminar on public speaking. I hope you found it interesting and valuable.
Let me know your thoughts, ideas, feedback and stories.
Click on the comments thingy, don't be a chicken and let us know where you're from.
To be honest... sometimes (not often... but occasionally) the captain of inspiration and motivation (and political in-correctness)... sits at the his keyboard with that stupid, vacant, 'I've-got-absolutely-nuthin' look on his face.
In his normally, sharp-as-a-tac mind (okay, that's a big lie), there's a bloke riding a uni-cycle, wearing big red shoes, a green bow-tie and a yellow fluffy wig... he's juggling seven balls and has that far-away look in his eye.
The light's on... but nobody's home.
He's experiencing a momentary creative drought. Mister Life Renovation has fallen head-first into a cerebral abyss. His mind is like one of those bananas he left in his school bag for two weeks in year nine. He re-writes the same sentence six times and stares pathetically at his screen through his bloodshot eyes.
Why on earth is Craig writing in the third person when it's so annoying and embarrassing. Idiots do that. He should really cut that out.
Sorry, couldn't help myself. I laugh my guts out when people do that.
"Sammy, daddy's not happy with you... and you don't want to upset daddy do you?"
Sad. And hilarious. Daddy's an idiot.
Craig thinks he might do that more often. Just to annoy you all.
Perhaps not.
Some days after spending fifteen hours dealing with the realities and practicalities (a.k.a. egos, attitudes and personalities) of my life, I find myself sitting at my trusty old laptop, floundering in my very own creative void. With physical and emotional exhaustion wreaking havoc on my brain's already diminished level of function, I have been known to write three (crappy) sentences in a hour.
Today is not such a day... (Well actually, they may be crap sentences - that's for you to judge - but there will be more than three per hour). Today was a post waiting to be written. Today life smashed me over the head with the discomfort stick. Today a life-lesson grabbed me by the throat, threw me against the wall, kicked me in the gut, picked me up and then slapped me around some more.
Jumped on my head a few times and then poked me in the eye with a big stick.
I loved it. And hated it.
He who dispenses the discomfort, had it dispensed on him. (I did it again, didn't I?)
This morning I had to give a presentation at an event called a 'Speakers Showcase'.
So my speaking agency (ICMI) invited a whole bunch of companies (who regularly use speakers) to come along and listen to eight of their presenters (of which I was one). The representatives from the respective companies are buyers; they are 'shopping' for talent to use for their corporate conferences and programs (speakers, coaches, motivators, facilitators, educators).
Kind of like a fashion show where buyers come and check out the various labels. Except I'm not a model, there was no runway, I didn't show any cleavage, I didn't pout, I left my stilettos at home and I'm too hairy.
Okay, nothing like a fashion show at all.
Craig on show.
Here's how it went down.
The ex-bodybuilder, the Hollywood suit (I looked very grown-up), the 'razzle dazzle' auditorium, the lighting people, the sound people, the tech people, the ushers and the people whose job it was to sit there and evaluate my performance.
Quite the scene.
Three hundred (ish) 'buyers' in the audience. Eight speakers... I'm the first up.
"Mmm... okay, get it out of the way", I tell myself.
The MC (who's a well known comedian in Melbourne) gets up and proceeds to tell the audience how to 'score' the speakers with their electronic scoring gadgets (everyone was given what looked like a large TV remote when they walked into the auditorium).
"Good morning everyone. At the conclusion of each presentation today it is your job to rate our presenters somewhere between poor and outstanding (there was six rating option buttons) using your electronic scoring thingy (it had a name that I can't remember)... if, for example, Craig Harper our first speaker is crap, you would simply press the green button which represents a below average performance."
For once, I'm not being funny; he actually said that. I felt physically sick.
Of course he's a comedian, and yes he was trying to be being funny... but no, in that moment I wasn't embracing the frivolity of the situation.
Call me boring.
Mr. I-never-get-nervous... was crapping himself.
Sitting there knowing that everybody in the room had come along to judge my performance, to rate me with the TV remote thingy and then to make a decision about putting me on their shopping list (or not) was... uncomfortable.
Times ten.
For the first time in... forever, I was genuinely nervous. I went to the toilet four hundred and nine times in the thirty minutes before my gig... and had a resting heart rate of three hundred and sixteen.
Anyway, the short version is that I got through the presentation relatively unscathed. No-one threw anything at me, no-one left the room and I only offended maybe sixty people (quite good for me).
But it was interesting for me to have those feelings again.
The reason I tell this story today is because I meet so many people who think that people who do what I do for a living are always supremely confident, never panic, never make mistakes, are always in control and that everything comes (relatively) easy to us.
It doesn't. I have been awake since three o'clock this morning because I couldn't stop thinking, planning, visualising or anticipating the showcase. My body was exhausted but mind was already doing the presentation.
As I've said once before on this site, everyone from Doctor Phil to Oprah and everyone in between has issues, doubts, fears and insecurities. We don't see them (the issues) because we don't really see them (the private person).
We see the 'public version' of them. Understandably.
Doctor Phil (for example) is an educated, talented, perceptive, amazing communicator and teacher but don't confuse those skills and qualities with..... "Doctor Phil has no issues, no hang-ups, no self-doubt, no fear and doesn't desire the approval of others."
The truth is that high achievers do what they do despite that internal dialogue, despite those fears, despite their issues and despite their self-doubt.
Some of the most insecure, self-doubting people I've met are also high profile, successful, well-known identities. But they do their 'job' very well.
The concept of waiting until you 'have it all together' before you take that step (whatever the step is for you personally) is a completely dis-empowering and debilitating mind-set which way too many people embrace.
The very thing which limits us, is us; our thinking, our attitudes, our beliefs, our self-loathing, our self-doubt, our fear.
"Craig I really wanna help people... but I need to get everything sorted in my own life first."
No, you don't.
That doesn't mean you need to forget about your own personal development... it means don't wait until you haveit all together before you become a teacher, motivator, coach or mentor in your own right. If you wait until you've got it all figured out you'll be a hundred and twelve and still waiting.
In fact helping others and not focusing on your own issues... is quite often the best personal-growth strategy.
So if you're like the hundreds of people who email me for advice on becoming a speaker, motivator, coach or mentor... or you simply want to have a significant positive influence on those in your world, then perhaps today you should stop waiting, rationalising and thinking... and go make a difference.
Despite your issues.
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