Archive of Motivational Speaker

Welcome to Craig's site.

Craig Harper is a leading motivational speaker and educator. He is a highly sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and professional development. Working with hundreds of teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations on numerous continents over the last twenty years has given Craig a unique insight into, and understanding of, human performance and all its variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire, challenge and make people laugh all at the same time!

Renovate Your Life Blog

Thursday, May 31, 2007

So, You Want to be a Writer?

So the guy who's never done a writing workshop, never studied journalism, never taken a class in English Literature, never read anything more than comics or muscle mags for the first twenty years of his life.. and wouldn't know a pronoun from a protein... is surely not the person to give anyone advice on becoming a writer.

Surely not.

Nonetheless, I'm gonna give it a crack.
Of course.
If you want advice from the least qualified, least trained writing teacher on the planet, you've come to the right place.

Despite my obvious lack of qualifications and credibility to advise anyone on becoming a writer, I regularly receive feedback that people enjoy my writing style (much to my amazement and humble appreciation - I didn't even know I had a style!) and I constantly get asked for advice on how to become a writer.

Step 1. Get up tomorrow, look in the mirror and say to yourself "I'm a writer."
See that was easy... now you're a writer.
If people question you, tell them "Craig said I'm a writer."
I'll send you a certificate if you really need one.

Now the key is... to be a good writer.
That may take a little more time and effort.

Here are some recent comments on some of my stuff:

This post is a freakin revelation.
I love the way you think and communicate.
Nobody writes like you.
Don't stop.
Kelly R.

Hi Craig, Love the site, especially the blogs.
I'm a massive fan of the blunt manner in which you write so keep up the great work!
Jane, Melbourne

Your writing inspires me and gives me something to look forward to every day.
Please do not stop writing.
Luciana, Belize City, Belize

Thanx Craig on this two part letter series, your writing is amazing.
Shelly

Now... 1) No, I didn't write those comments myself and 2) I don't share them to impress you or to pump up my already out-of-control, enormous ego... but rather to impress upon you that you don't need a degree in English Literature to become a well-read, well-received, accomplished writer.
Or for people to dig your ideas, thoughts and message.
Or for people to connect with you.

We've all got at least one great idea, message or story in us... it's whether or not we choose to share that with the world and how we go about it.
Many (many, many, many) incredibly talented and successful professional writers have zero training and qualifications.

Having a qualification doesn't make you are writer.
Writing... makes you a writer.

Some talent, drive and commitment are kinda handy also.

If I do have a style... it's unconventional, it's informal, it's conversational.
Everybody (who knows me) tells me that I write exactly as I speak... so if I had to give my writing style a label... I guess it would be conversational.

By the way, when I write an educational, instructional, motivational piece like this... it is typically completely original... that's not to say that I will never say something which has already been said... but I won't knowingly or intentionally use someone else's words unless I credit them for it. I virtually never research for articles (Hmm, maybe that's bad!); I write out of my experiences and I write what I know to be true for me and the people I've worked with.

So, for what it's worth, here are the uneducated, unqualified writer's thoughts on... becoming a successful writer.

1. Write from the heart.
Don't write trite, predictable, typical fluff.
Don't write what you think others expect you to write.
Be innovative.
Give people a reason to want to read your work.
Learn from, but don't imitate other writers.

Sooooooo many personal development sites (for example) are THE SAME!

Honestly, how many times can people rehash other people's writing!!??
Write something original!
Please!
Take the time.
Make the effort.
Get some unique insight.
Give us something fresh... a new / different perspective.
Otherwise you're simply collating and presenting other people's work.
That's not being a writer.
(sorry... feel better now).

2. If you want an audience (beyond your friends)...
Don't write about your dogs wind problem or your busted toe (unless you want to write comedy).
Be relevant... write a story which will (hopefully) connect with a broad cross-section of people.
Have a point... don't ramble, waffle or complain.
Write something which (in some way) may be of value to people.
If possible, have a feel-good element to what you do.

3. Be prolific.
This doesn't mean churn out mountains of crap... but you will only develop writing skills by..... writing!
If you don't do it (often), you won't improve.
Write daily (even something brief).

4. Let people see your personality.
You want the audience to connect with you.
Identify with you.
Like you.
Honesty and humility are good.

5. Plan.
While I don't spend hours planning a post/article, I always have a clear picture in my mind of what I want to say (intro, general discussion, key messages, conclusion).
Sitting down with a blank mind and a blank computer screen (or page) ain't a great plan.

6. Use a thesaurus and dictionary.
Consciously grow your vocabulary.
Using the same word twelve times in one paragraph (I saw this recently) and having a vocab of seventy five words ain't gonna help in your quest to become a competent writer.
(Or you can be like me and invent your own language).

7. Have fun.
It's okay to have fun... even when you're sharing a serious message.
Humour is engaging.
Bad humour isn't... perhaps have someone proof read your work!

8. Have an ideas book.
I always have a little note-pad with me for when my creative button gets pushed when I'm not near my computer. Sometimes I get inspired and stimulated in the most inconvenient places... don't let those creative moments slip through your fingers.

9. Don't be a chicken.
Take a creative and emotional risk.
If your first creative efforts rank somewhere between crap and mediocre, welcome to the being-completely-normal club.... what'd ya think??... that you'd win the Pulitzer prize with your first foray into the world of writing?
If you don't want to be criticised then go live in a cave.
Build a bridge.. get over it.
Part of the getting-good-at-anything process is dealing with and responding to, criticism / feedback.
If I got precious every time I got criticised... 1) you wouldn't be on this site 2) I wouldn't have achieved most of what I have and 3) I'd be lying somewhere in the foetal position.

10. Ask for feedback... get your own editor.
Before you show your work to the world, get someone trusted to glance over your it and give some feedback.

11. When you finish writing your piece, read it out loud to yourself.
I know this sounds a little weird but it works... for 1) finding errors and 2) seeing whether or not it flows and makes sense.

I started writing professionally about ten years ago, I have had hundreds of articles published and at the moment I write regularly for four national magazines.
Please don't tell my publishers that I don't really know what I'm doing... they might sack me.

Keep it between us.

Thanks.

Okay, I'm done; now it's your turn... get writing.

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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Personal Development... from 2,500 years ago.

Busily preparing for night one of the Life Renovation program, so no post today but.... off the back of yesterday's post about Personal Development Zombies and (some) people's inability to be able to think for themselves, we received a great quote from the Buddha courtesy of Fiery.

Thanks for sharing Fiery; clearly my thoughts were not original!

Here it is:

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.
The Buddha

If you have an amazing quote (relatively brief... and not one we've heard ten thousand times) feel free to send it through as a comment... if it gets published on my home page, the bald man will send you a copy of Fattitude (hopefully you don't live in Siberia).

Live, Laugh, Love and Learn.
And get off your ass.

Thanks Fiery.

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Monday, May 28, 2007

The Personal Development Zombie

It seems we have a not-so-new, but rarely discussed scourge on the Personal Development landscape.

We've all met Mr and Mrs fit-in-at-all-costs; the Social Zombie (what would you like me to do, be, say?).
But over the last decade or three we have seen the rise of the Personal Development Zombie.
The Self-Help Automaton.
The person who hasn't had an independent thought or opinion since the eighties.

Now before I get on my cyber-soapbox, let's take a look at a couple of definitions:

Zombie - a person whose behaviour or responses are wooden, listless, or seemingly rote; automaton (ring any bells?).

Automaton - a person or animal that acts in a monotonous, routine manner, without active intelligence (know a few of these).

Cult - Obsessive, especially faddish, devotion by a group of people to, or veneration for, a person, principle, or thing. (Hmm... any Personal Development Programs, Books, DVD's or Gurus spring to mind?)

Personal Development Zombie - a person seemingly incapable of independent thought. Takes on the beliefs, philosophies, ideologies and identity of other higher profile and allegedly(?) more enlightened individuals. Believes what he or she is told without question and typically memorises and quotes their guru ad infinitum. Doesn't really understand or practice what he or she preaches but sounds very convincing.
Alright, a bit convincing.
Okay, really annoying.

The first three definitions are from respectable sources, the fourth is from the not-so-respectable Harper Dictionary (a little-known Australian resource).

Like many of you, I cut my teeth on a mountain of self-help.... stuff.
I read, I listened, I studied and I observed.
I questioned, I disagreed, I made mistakes, I got into arguments (no!).

And while I learned plenty from some great teachers and found much of what I explored to be insightful, educational, inspiring and incredibly valuable, I also realised that the results I would produce and the reality I would create in all areas of my life... was still all about me.

I could memorise and quote Tony Robbins, Steven Covey and Deepak all day but that wouldn't make me... the best me I can be; it would make me a pathetic, wanna-be clone of someone else.
I still had to do, be, cope, manage, react to and learn from life... and all it's unpredictable variables.

When it comes to learning from the Personal Development Gurus (and they are numerous)... listen to them, consider their philosophy... but be YOU.
Think, explore, question and discover your own truth.
Not someone else's.

I've had people say to me... "I don't know any more... you tell me what to think."
I know that sounds ridiculous but it's true.
And sad.

Personal Development books, CD's, DVD's, programs and sites such as this one are not answers to problems.

They are resources.

They are information and inspiration.
Nothing more.

How valuable they (those resources) will be for you (personally) will depend entirely on what you do with the information. My observation is that most people go to workshops (or read books), get educated, get informed, get motivated (for a minute), leave the auditorium (or book) and then go straight back to their destructive habits, bad attitudes and unfulfilled lives.
Straight back to where they don't really wanna be (literally or figuratively).

They do nothing.
They create no (genuine) change.

Don't believe what I write merely because you (may) respect me or connect with my communication style.
NO, consider what I write, think about it, test it and see (prove) if it's true for you.
Then come to some independent realisations about what is right (appropriate, real, meaningful, relevant) for you.

Have your own revelation.
And then do something with it.

Spend time becoming your own guru.
It's all there... you just need to develop it.

Genuine personal growth (life-long, forever change) doesn't come through courses, books or motivational workshops. They might be a catalyst for change... but the real growth comes through our experiences.
Our practical life lessons.
What we do.

We have to experience... to learn and grow.

And as long as our personal growth journey is limited to books, CD's, DVD's, workshops, web-sites, etc. (verses getting off our ass and doing life practically; learning by doing)... we run the very real risk of becoming a Personal Development Zombie.

Life ain't a theory or a philosophy.

It's an experience.

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Sunday, May 27, 2007

Cactus Update - Nearly Half Way

So our intrepid getting-in-shape guinea pig (Cactus Chris) is almost at the half way mark of his twelve week body renovation program. And while he wasn't fat to start with, he's lost 5.5 kilos (12lbs) on the scales. He's also gained some muscle along the way... which means that his fat loss (in weight) would be somewhere around 7kgs (15lbs) by now. His fitness and strength have gone through the roof and over the next six weeks we're gonna tweak his diet a little, lift heavier and pack some quality muscle on him.
From a distance... all you'll see will be his biceps.
Beefcake Chris.

Giddyup.

Here's how he's travelling:

Girth Measurements
Chest - plus 3cm
Waist - minus 10cm
Bicep - plus 1cm
Shoulders - plus 2cm

Skin-fold Measurements (millimetres fat)
Tricep - minus 7mm
Subscapular - minus 4mm
Thigh - minus 4mm
Abdominal - minus 15 mm
Supra Iliac - minus 14mm

Weight - minus 5.5kgs

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Saturday, May 26, 2007

Creating Something (spectacular) from Nothing

In 1988 I had the idea of setting up a Personal Training centre in Melbourne.
There were no commercial PT facilities in this country at the time.
It would be Australia's first appointment-only gym.
I was young, had no business experience, no tertiary qualification and not much money.

Clearly, a perfect plan.

On top of all that... the majority of (allegedly) well-intending, much-wiser-than-me 'advisers' suggested that there was no market for this type of business concept in Australia.
It wouldn't work, I would lose my money and if anything, PT would be a short-lived fitness industry fad.

Thank goodness they were all around to 'help' me.

Fortunately for me, I found a way.
Despite my numerous short-comings, challenges and 'helpers'.

The idea became a reality and the 'business concept that wasn't commercially viable' now completes around 80,000 appointments (training sessions) per year and provides careers for over fifty people in my Brighton centre alone.

Pretty good result for a dumb idea.

Now before you get the wrong idea... no, this is not a story about how clever I am (trust me, I do many dumb things), it's more a lesson in what might happen when we take our thinking cap off and put our doing sneakers on.
Sometimes we think too much.
For way too long.

At some stage every success... was simply an idea.
An idea that was possibly had by many... and acted upon by one.
A thought, a concept, a theory, a vague notion, a possibility floating around in someone's head.
A possibility that became a reality.

At some stage somebody stopped talking, theorising, planning, waiting and took a chance. They dealt with their fear, their insecurities, their lack of ... whatever... and got off their butt.

They found a way.

While others with the same idea did nothing, they did something.

People who walk the talk (as opposed to the multitudes who talk only)... invariably find a way.

While the superstars with the great ideas live in a constant state of analysis paralysis, rationalising and justifying why "now is not the right time", people with less talent, more courage and more drive are turning dreams into realities.

Every successful organisation, business, program, product, endeavour was, at some stage, a theoretical concept which had life breathed into it by someone who had the vision, the attitude and the drive to make something from nothing.

Nine months ago I was a writer, business man, educator and professional speaker who had no idea what a blog site was. I met the bald man (Johnnie) and he ran an idea, a concept by me.

And while I'm still (happily) an internet rookie, I'm also a blogger with an international audience, a web-site which is growing and gaining momentum by the day, I'm helping a few people, doing some good, having a ball and learning new things daily.
An idea... became a reality.
Thanks Baldy.

BUT... (there's always a but) success doesn't always come easily and it hasn't fallen on our heads from a great height. We (Johnnie and I) work our (respective) asses off to make this blogging thing work. My goal (by the way) is not to make money from the site (no requests for donations.. ever) but to simply create an amazing personal development resource for people all over the world (I hope you're getting something out of your visits).

We're definitely not there yet, we make mistakes daily... but we're having a big crack at it and we won't die wondering.
Between us, we invest about sixty hours per week into the site to ensure the look, the function and the content of the site is where and what we want it to be to achieve our desired outcomes... a lot of hours when you consider we both have real careers outside of our work on the site.

I know I won't die with my best ideas left in me.
I'm gonna milk every ounce of my potential and ability... and have some fun doing it.

Waddabout you?

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Thursday, May 24, 2007

My Body is Not Who I am... It's Just Where I Iive.

It seems to me that many of us don't really know who we are.
We have our very own personal identity crisis.

We spend our very busy lives doing stuff, achieving stuff.... but still not really knowing who we are.

What's you're identity?

Who are you really?

If we take away all your stuff... then... who are you?
Yeh, we know what you do for a job, we know what you look like, we know what you drive, where you live and what you've done... but who are you beyond all that?

Are you the sum of your achievements and possessions... or are you something much greater?

What are you known for?
What will you be remembered for?
Have you thought about it?
Do you care?

How do others see you?

When people (who perhaps don't know you intimately) refer to you, what's your label?

"Oh, you know Todd; he's the surfie guy with the Brad Pitt body and the killer blue eyes."

"Sure you know Sarah; fifty-ish, heaps of money, owns that kid's clothing label, drives a Porsche.... blonde hair"

"Simon?... oh yeh, he's that arrogant, how-good-am-I bodybuilder with the gigantic arms, tiny head, bad skin, horrible breath and no self-esteem."

And waddabout your family and friends; what kind of identity do you have with them?

"Yeh, dad's kinda... well.. I guess he does love us....I think... he's pretty moody though... but it's probably because he's tired, being the workaholic that he is... and anyway... as he always says; he's doing it all for us kids..... funny, doesn't feel like it sometimes"

For some people, their identity is their body (a body builder maybe, a model perhaps), or part thereof (the flat-chested girl who 'buys' herself some gigantic breasts).
I see this (my-body-is-who-I-am syndrome) a lot in my work, and as ironic as it may seem, I actually spend most of my time helping people develop anything but their body.

When our total identity (who we are) is something external (to our mind, our spirit, our nature - the essence of who we really are), then we set ourselves up for pain, disappointment and anxiety.

As long as our identity is rooted in something which can be taken from us (looks, jobs, money, toys), we'll always be insecure.

For some people their identity is their career... "did I mention that I'm a CEO now?"

Their car... "wanna go for a spin in my....?"

Their house...."yeh, I probably don't need the thirteen bedrooms but..."

Their money... "got most of my money tied up in property, shares and a few others strategic investments..."

Their academic achievements... "yeh, just finished my Phd".. (great achievement but it's not who you are... it's a thing you did!).

Their fearsome reputation... "I've got seventeen black belts, I bench press a thousand pounds and I eat live chickens for breakfast"(and I'm an insecure idiot who desperately needs your approval).

Whatever their identity is....it's the thing which gives them (a level of) confidence and self esteem (in front of others anyway)... makes them feel more secure, safer, happier, better about themselves (for a while).

Earlier this week I went to a funeral to celebrate the life of an amazing woman.
And while she had done much in her life (practical stuff, career stuff, sporting stuff), her children (all seven of them) got up and spoke about who their mother really was.

Her identity.

And this wasn't just some feel-good, emotional fluff... no, they painted an accurate picture of who this woman was.
She wasn't a job, or a possession, or a body, or an achievement... although she had achieved much.
No, she was a selfless, loving, caring, generous, passionate, strong individual who influenced and affected many... and left the world (or her part of it) a better place.

As I sat in that service with tears rolling down my cheeks (there goes my wanna-be-alpha-male identity), I thought to myself... I hope there are a few people present saying similar things when I'm done down here on the big blue ball.

It's great that we set goals and it's great to strive to be a high achiever (I do).
And there's also absolutely nothing wrong with being wealthy, having a great body, an incredible career, a great home, practical goals (financial, physical, competitive, career) and even a few toys...

... as long as what we do, what we own... or what we look like... hasn't become who we are.

And as long as we are not the sum of our achievements and possessions but in fact, something much greater.

Who are you?

Tell us your thoughts on identity (and where you're from).

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Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Happily Imperfect

Most of us live in a culture and society which is totally obsessed with perfection.

An obsession which invariably leads to pain.
Emotional, psychological, physical, social and financial pain.

The perfection obsession is rampant.

It's completely ridiculous.
It's unhealthy.
It's unrealistic.
And it's potentially very dangerous.

I have personally seen it lead to anxiety, depression, social dysfunction, eating disorders, emotional problems, unrealistic expectations, ruined relationships, massive financial debt, destructive habits and unfortunately, the occasional suicide.

We (we, the society) want it all.

Badly.

Perfect bodies.
Perfect teeth.
Perfect careers.
Perfect academic scores.
Perfect relationships.
Perfect children.
Perfect lives.

We try and convince ourselves that we're all about the deep and meaningful, but when we take an honest, realistic look at how we live as a collective of people... the overwhelming message (perhaps not from you and I personally) is to aim for perfection.

And in order to have (the appearance of) perfection, we (we, the society) will do almost anything.

We have ten credit cards and spend money we don't have.
We obsess about labels and brands.

We obsess about how others see us and what they think of us.
We mutilate our healthy bodies with elective surgery and make rich surgeons richer.
We preen, pluck, suck and tuck ourselves within an inch of our lives (literally sometimes).
We starve ourselves.
We self-diagnose and self-medicate.
We lie to ourselves and others.
We spend our lives acting out our perfect marriage, career, existence.

We compromise our values.

If only we could all see the beauty of our flaws.
The beauty of normal.

If only we couldn't understand the (potential) happiness in normal.

I love my life, my relationships, my career, my body and my existence on the big blue ball despite my big nose... my slightly chubby tummy...my fifty-seven bad habits, my numerous issues... and my atrocious singing voice.

I'm happy in my imperfection.

When we live in a paradigm that says "I will be happy when XYZ is perfect", then we are destined for a life of misery.

When we learn to be happy with (rejoice in, even) our imperfect selves, our imperfect lives, our imperfect relationships and our imperfect bodies, then we're on the road the real personal growth.

Aiming for better is admirable, possibly even noble... but striving for perfection is stupid.

The moment we stop chasing perfection and start aiming for enlightenment (self-awareness, self-realisation, a different way of thinking and being) is the moment we start to move towards genuine happiness.

Where we sit on the (world famous) Craig Harper Happiness Continuum (made that term up but I like it... you can use it!) is inversely proportional to our desire for perfection.

That is, the less we are... all about perfection, the happier we will be.

So... the take home message you crazy kids?

(1) Perfection is a myth.

(2) It's perfectly normal to be imperfect.

(3) Stop trying to be some perfect, weird-ass version of you... and be you.

I know professional personal development writers aren't meant to use terms like weird-ass, so... I'd like to apologise for my inappropriate, imperfect communication style.

Not.

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Monday, May 21, 2007

From Whinger to Winner (Attitude Renovation 101)

First, a definition (of a common Australian term) for my international friends...

Whinger (noun, pronounced w-i-n-j-a): a person who frequently complains or protests, especially in an annoying or persistent manner.

The verb is to whinge (w-i-n-j).

Blunt, politically incorrect Craig has been on holidays.
He's back.
And has been chatting with far too many whingers lately.

Yep; reached my whinger threshold.

It's true... lately I've spoken with way too many people who feel compelled to constantly share their negative, self-destructive, woe-is-me attitude with the world at every opportunity.
We all know (work with, live with, live next door to, are married to, gave birth to) a chronic, career-whinger.
They are exhausting (see my energy vampire post) and they are not fun to be around.

Like milk, they have a used-by date.
I usually throw my whingers out with the hard rubbish collection.
I put them on the nature strip and the council garbage guys pick them up once a month.
Come past my place the first Tuesday of the month and you'll see a broken card table, a bike with one wheel, some old speakers and two whingers on the grass out the front.

You'll hear them still whinging as the truck heads down the road.

With so many good twelve-step (type) programs available, perhaps we need one for whingers; Whingers Anonymous (WA) perhaps.

"Hi I'm Sam... and I'm a whinger."

Sometimes I feel like I'm a sponsor for a hundred members of WA.

If someone's got a million problems, hurdles and challenges and a good attitude, I'm happy to help.
If not, go and whinge elsewhere.

I don't care about your looks, talent, money, IQ, background or education; I care about your attitude.
If you choose to have the right attitude, we can get stuff done.
Quickly.

If you're not serious about doing everything possible to create your amazing life then please keep your glass-half-empty-ness to your depressing, I-want-attention, self.
We're over it.
(I'm not talking about people who suffer from clinical depression here or who have the occasional bad day - as we all do... no, I'm talking about people who consistently choose to make things harder than they need to be).

Yep, it is a choice.

People who whinge, whine, complain, blame and vent on a daily basis.
People who want constant attention and sympathy but are not really prepared to do what's necessary to create life-long positive change (or at least give it a real crack).

(real crack: Aussie for genuine attempt).

And before you goody-two-shoes(ers) jump down my throat, yes we all need a little sympathy and attention from time to time... that's normal and healthy.

Not what I'm talking about here.

We all know that there's an undeniable relationship between our attitude and the type of results we produce in all areas of our life and we also know that winning (whatever winning represents for us individually) is not about one thing, but many things.

But with all this knowing.... it seems that there's still not enough doing (building our attitude muscles and doing everything humanly possible to change our crappy mind-set).
Last week I spoke with a lady who has been a regular on my site since day one.
Loves what I write, told me it's inspirational, life-changing stuff and... then proceeded to absolutely unload on me about her woe-is-me, the-world's-not-fair, nobody-gets-me... life.

I told her she can read all she likes, have all the knowledge and live on my site... but her life won't change until her attitude does.
(Yes, I told her I would write this post).

Without doubt, poor attitude and a negative mind-set are still the biggest hurdles for the majority of people (living in Western society).

We know what to do but we don't do what we know.

Too many talented, intelligent, capable people are chronic under-achievers because of a crappy attitude which pervades every area of their existence (work, home, relationships, health, communication).

They could do and be so much more.
They focus on negatives.
They major on minors.
They look for reasons to whinge.

As a change specialist (for want of a better term) I am constantly consulting with people who want to create positive change in numerous areas of their life, and while there are many ingredients in the recipe for winning, without doubt the most important success ingredient is the right attitude.

I don't have all the answers (nobody does) but I have some suggestions for those in need of an attitude renovation:

1. Ask the right questions.
Ask the "what can I do" questions... not the "why is this happening to me" questions.
Learn to ask the empowering questions not the woe-is-me ones.

"No, I don't enjoy having these genetics or weighing 300 pounds but what can I do today to start the wheels turning?"

"Can I start to move more from today?" Yep.

"Can I choose to eat differently from right now?" Yep.

"Is it physiologically possible for me to lose the weight (even though I haven't done it before)? Yep.

"Can I choose to listen more to my partner and make them feel better?" Yep.
"Can I learn new things and develop new skills... even at 'my age'?" Yep.
(See the recent story in the news about the ninety five year-old lady from the US who just graduated from college... she thinks she might do her masters!)

She asked the "what can I do" question.

2. Don't waste time or emotional energy on things you can't change.
The past, for example.
Other people, for example.

3. Make a conscious decision every morning to be positive... even when you don't feel positive.
Sometimes that glass-half-full disposition is not about feelings or emotions but choices.
Do it often enough and you'll actually believe what's coming out of your mouth!
Creating your new-and-improved attitude needs to be a conscious process... this means changing how you communicate with others, changing how you react and changing how you choose to exist.

Creating a winning attitude doesn't happen accidentally; it's a conscious, methodical process.

4. Spend time with winners.
Let them challenge you, teach you, influence you and slap you behind the ear.
Hang out with losers... and pretty soon, you'll be one.

5. Change your self-talk.
Constantly putting yourself down doesn't help.
Anyone.
The "I'm fat, useless, ugly and dumb dialogue" is pointless and unnecessarily painful.
When someone compliments you, simply say "thanks".

6. Shape up.
There's an undeniable relationship between our physiology and our mental and emotional health.
It's impossible to have our best state of mind (attitude) when we have neglected or abused our body.
While we don't need to be an Olympian or a gym junkie, it is amazing what a dramatic effect an increase in fitness and overall health can have on our day-to-day attitude and outlook.

7. Keep things in perspective.
Easy to write... hard to do (sometimes).
Nonetheless, it needs to be written because it's true.
As I've said once before on this site, spend a few weeks in the Sudan and you might (will) change your attitude about your current situation.
Some of us find things to whinge about.

8. Embrace challenges, adversity, competition, discomfort.
Resistance in life (like in the gym) makes us stronger.
Changes our thinking.
Changes our attitude.

9. Toughen up.
Occasionally I get criticised for my stop-being-a-sook philosophy.
But the undeniable truth is that winners are tough.
They are not precious.
By the way, you don't need to be some big wanna-be-alpha-male-(or female)-warrior to be mentally and emotionally tough.
One of the toughest people ever (one of my heroes) was a little old woman who lived, worked and thrived in some of the worst conditions imaginable... every day of her life.
By choice.
Her name was Mother Teresa.

10. Understand that a good attitude is a psychological commitment (a decision), not an emotional state of constant optimism or euphoria.
People with good attitudes don't constantly buzz around feeling happy, positive and amazing. They get sad, frustrated, anxious, stressed... all the normal stuff.
They just make the choice to find the good.

Lots of things in this life are beyond our control; attitude is not one of them.

What will it be for you; whinger or winner?

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Thursday, May 17, 2007

The Social Sheep

Growing up in Australia means growing up with sheep.

Well, kind of.

Not that we have them sleeping in our lounge room or running around our front yard or anything, but Australia, amongst other things, is a farming nation and at some stage, most Aussie kids (although less these days) have spent time at their uncle's farm (it's always an uncle) rounding up the sheep or cows on their school holidays.

Or they grew up on a farm themselves.

Now, I'm no sheep-ologist (my site, my words), but what I did learn about our woolly friends on my childhood expeditions to my uncle's farm is that they are... kinda stupid (sheep not uncles).

Okay, some uncles too.

No, I'm not trying to offend my animal-loving friends and no, I don't eat lamb but I gotta tell ya, Flipper and Lassie are in no immediate danger of having their title taken as the smartest creatures in the animal kingdom.

They (sheep) wander aimlessly and all tend to follow each other but (it seems) nobody really knows who's in charge. To the casual observer, it doesn't seem that there's a whole lotta independent thinking goin' on inside the head of yer average sheep.

Dogs are neuro-surgeons compared to sheep.

And while it's clear that a dolphin will win a Nobel Peace Prize one day, yer average sheep has about two thoughts a year... and that's usually something like:

"Hey Harry, are you done eating that patch of grass?"

Sure, they're cute, they're woolly and they make great Ugg boots (I know I'm gonna get in trouble for that... but it's so worth it) but there ain't gonna be a sheep graduating from Harvard Law School any time soon.

Unfortunately for us, it seems that our woolly friends have a human counterpart.
For the purposes of this discussion, I'm gonna call him (and her) the social sheep.

You can find them in social settings, in the corporate world, in sporting clubs, in politics, in churches, synagogues... in fact, not unlike the energy vampires we spoke about recently, the social sheep has successfully infiltrated every corner of society.

And while they're not an immediate threat to humanity as we know it, they are incredibly annoying.

So for the sake or your sanity and mine, here's my guide on:

How to detect a social sheep:

(1) They often have that same dumb sheep look about them; the lights-are-on-but-nobody's-home look (not to be confused with Big Brother contestants - who always have that look).

(2) They tend to do what everyone else is doing.
They don't really know why, but they are compelled by some uncontrollable, intrinsic need to conform (they love doing the Mexican wave at sporting events; makes them feel part of the group).

(3) They take on the opinions of others as their own.
They seem to be incapable of having an independent thought or a contrary opinion.
They constantly agree with everything said and nod their head a lot.
The hard-core social sheep laughs uncontrollably at jokes they don't understand in order be accepted.

(4) Some of the more evolved social sheep do have independent thought and opinion... but won't share them for fear of being cut from the herd.

(5) Can't cope with criticism.
The social sheep crumbles when criticised and needs to be constantly patted on the head.

(6) A social sheep is an imitator not an innovator.
"Hmm, what are they doing... I'll do that."
(plenty of these in the fitness industry).

(7) An underlying sadness.
While many social sheep are nice people with noble intentions (to keep the peace, make others happy, to not rock the boat), invariably they end up making themselves unhappy.

(8) The chronic people pleaser.
A text-book social sheep will express a different opinion or point of view (on a certain subject) to different people within five minutes if it means being accepted (or approved of) by two different groups of peers in the same social setting (I have personally seen this many times).
He or she will say what they believe people want to hear.

(9) Denial.
A social sheep will deny or hide his or her own beliefs in order to be accepted.

(10) Splinters.
A social sheep will usually have large splinters in their butt from sitting on the fence.

So next time you're chatting with a social sheep, pull him down from his fence, don't pat him on the head... and do tell him it's okay if he thinks for himself.

Then tell him you'll like him despite his stupid, embarrassing, socially-unacceptable opinions!

Do you know any social sheep?

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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Maybe the Beatles Were Right.

What an amazing response we've had to Gill's story.

Heading towards one hundred comments and Darrell is now the most successful writer on craigharper.com (still no issues here) and we've seen an incredible outpouring of heart-felt love and support for Dasha and his boys.

Ya gotta love love don'tcha?
Maybe the Beatles were right.

Isn't it great that so many people from so many places can come together (blogospherically) and connect and reach out to someone else.

No agenda, no ulterior motive.
Just love, compassion and care.

Nice.

Sometimes us personal development types need to take off our high-achiever hats for a minute and put on our compassionate human-being hats (yes we can wear both but periodically we lose perspective about what is really important).

Sometimes we're so busy striving for amazing... that we ignore (or don't see) the incredible that we have right now.

When we strip our existence here on the big blue ball down to the bare bones, we don't really need stuff (I'm not talking about food and shelter; I'm talking about toys, trophies, excess), we need to love and be loved.
To be needed.
Wanted.
Desired.

We pretend we don't.
We try and convince ourselves and others that we don't.
But we do.

The irony is that some of us spend a lifetime accumulating stuff which doesn't make us happy, fulfilled or 'successful' anyway... then we come the full circle and say "all I want is someone to love me."

So many people tell me that they had success (the love of someone special) but didn't know it, see it, appreciate it, enjoy it. It came to an end (for whatever reason) and then all that mattered was to get that (affection, attention, love, person) back.

Pity we (sometimes) have to lose something/someone to know what we've got/had.

Try and find someone who is totally unloved and happy... good luck with that.
You'll be looking for a long time.

Wanna find someone who's poor and happy.... no problem.
Someone who's fat and happy... no problem.
Someone who's physically or intellectually handicapped and happy... no problem.

Someone who is intelligent, wealthy, good looking, unloved and happy... nuh.
Ain't gonna happen.

We know that success is different things for different people... but perhaps the closest we can get to a universally acceptable definition of success is simply to love and be loved.
Full-stop.

"Oh yes Craig but life's not that simple."

Well maybe life is that simple... maybe we make it complex.
Maybe us self-helpers (sometimes) miss the point.

Yes we live in a practical world where dead-lines need to be met, boxes ticked and bills paid, but perhaps when we step away from our practical commitments and to-do lists, the emotional reality of the human experience (we are largely emotional beings) is that we are simply happiest when we love and are loved in return.

Maybe sometimes we do complicate the simple.
Maybe sometimes we do overlook the obvious.
Maybe sometimes we do invest our energy in the wrong place/s.

Maybe Great-Grandpa and Grandma Harper who never read the Seven Habits (no dis-respect to SC), never had a 'property portfolio', never had six percent body-fat, never attended a workshop and never owned a house on the beach but just happened to spend fifty-something happy, loving years together... maybe they (along with Ringo, Paul, John and George) understood (and lived) what we sometimes overlook; success is not a head thing, it's a heart thing.

While I'm not so ideal or naive as to suggest that success (happiness, fulfillment, contentment) is all about love... it's my contention (your honour) that maybe it is the most important ingredient.

Love your thoughts on the matter.
You know the drill...

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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

craigsucks.com

So it seems not everybody loves what I have to say (no surprise there).
Andrew from Surrey thinks I need to lift my game.
Well Andrew, I'll do my best to stop churning out that mindless, boring, un-inspirational crap and pen something spectacular one day soon... just for you.

Just got this from Andrew off the cyber-highway:

Dear Craig,
I have visited your blog for the first time today. I had a read through a few of the blogs, but i have a problem. The things that you say, i already do. All the blogs about success, winning, inner beauty and goals, i already do. I feel really bad because someone i knew said you were really inspirational. Can you please write something trully amazingly inspirational so i can marvel at you?
Andrew from Surrey

We all need our own Andrew from Surrey to keep us grounded.
Back in therapy for me.
Thanks for your honesty Andrew.

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Monday, May 14, 2007

Excuse Me While I Sing Into My Hairbrush

* Hi Guys.
Before I get under way with today's post, I want to thank you for the love and support you've shown Darrell and his boys. They appreciate it very much. It is nice to know that in an often harsh and selfish world, there are still plenty of people who are thoughtful, generous and caring.... just because they are.

Thanks.

Yesterday I went for a run along the beach near my house.
Burned a few cals, got a bit of sun... no biggie... except for the fact that I got a life-lesson from a five year-old.

Here's the scene:
The ex-bodybuilder with the dodgy lower-back running (for want of a more descriptive or accurate term) along the path which borders the sand.
The kid (clearly an architect in the making) just off the path, in the sand building a.... aah.. er... well, building something kinda big and messy looking out of sand and junk.

Kid sees weird-looking guy limping along the track.

Kid:

Motivational Speaker

Exercise Scientist

Motivation Melbourne

Renovate Your Life Blog

So, You Want to be a Writer?

Personal Development... from 2,500 years ago.

The Personal Development Zombie

Cactus Update - Nearly Half Way

Creating Something (spectacular) from Nothing

My Body is Not Who I am... It's Just Where I Iive.

Happily Imperfect

From Whinger to Winner (Attitude Renovation 101)

The Social Sheep

Maybe the Beatles Were Right.

craigsucks.com

Excuse Me While I Sing Into My Hairbrush