Archive of Motivational Speaker

Welcome to Craig's site.

Craig Harper is a leading motivational speaker and educator. He is a highly sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and professional development. Working with hundreds of teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations on numerous continents over the last twenty years has given Craig a unique insight into, and understanding of, human performance and all its variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire, challenge and make people laugh all at the same time!

Renovate Your Life Blog

Monday, April 30, 2007

So, I've Offended You in the Blogosphere... Now Let's do it in Person!

Hi Team.
Not a post... just an advert.
I'm running a six-week, face-to-face program here in Melbourne commencing on May 29, for all you would-be life renovators.
Find out about the program here.
(This little notice is for the benefit of our subscribers who don't visit the site and therefore don't know about upcoming events... unless of course, I do something like this!)

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Sunday, April 29, 2007

Are Winners Born or Made?

Aaah... the age-old debate.
Are we born winners or do we become winners with hard work, discipline, dedication, determination... and all those other 'D' words?

We all want to be winners.
(Well, I've personally never met anyone who has the goal of being a loser).

Winners in our career, winners in love, winners in business, winners in health, winners in happiness, winners in sport, winners in life.
We don't all want to win at the same endeavour (thankfully)... and we don't all share the same definition of winning... but we do all want to win at whatever is important to us.

So of course winning is represented by different things for different people:

For one person, being able to complete a five kilometre (three mile) walk every day is 'winning', while for someone else, it's simply incidental activity which happens in the course of their typical day.

Not having a beer for a month would be a major victory for some people, but for someone like me (a non-drinker), it would be a non-issue; something which goes un-noticed.

Earning an annual salary of $100,000 would be an incredible achievement for person A, but a devastating loss of income for person B.

For me, talking to an auditorium filled with twenty thousand people would be a win, while for someone else it would be the most terrifying experience of their life.

'Winning' (on an individual level) depends on our standards, our expectations, our desires and our goals... but we're not gonna head too far down that philosophical road today (the 'what is winning' road)... or I'll get a headache and give you one at the same time.

My point is, we all need to determine what winning is for us.

So this post is not so much a 'lesson' from coach Craig, as it is an 'opinion piece' (my thoughts on the matter); a discussion...... possibly a debate (feel free to comment).

I regularly get asked these questions:

"Can anyone be a winner, or is it largely genetic?"
"Is it in-built?"
"Is it pre-determined?"

So what are the determinants of success?

What differentiates winners from the multitudes who might, by their own admission, seemingly spend much of their life back-stroking in a sea of mediocrity... not being where, what or who they wanna be?

I personally don't believe that winners are born, I believe they're made.
(I also believe that some people are given a definite head-start.. but that doesn't qualify them as winners).

There.

I said it.
Post over.

See ya.

Alright I'll keep going.

Of course some people are born with certain advantages (be they physical, social, cultural, financial or other), but having great genetics or certain social or financial advantages is one thing... but being a winner, is another.

It's not what we're given that counts; it's what we do with it.

My observations have taught me that quite often the people who are given a 'running start' at life are the ones who spontaneously combust.

Waste what they've been given.

Being handed everything on a silver platter often means that the 'lucky ones' don't develop those highly desirable and valuable practical winning skills; those skills which allow us to win despite our situations, circumstances or challenges.

In fact, I wrote a post on this subject a while back called Is it a Gift to be Gifted . . . or is it a Handicap. It generated some spirited discussion. Take a peek if you haven't read it.

So for the moment, we're gonna go with the 'winners are made' line of thinking (until one of you convinces me otherwise) and explore how we can maximise our chances of becoming a winner in the game of life.

Clearly there are many variables on the winner's journey over which we have little or no control (innate ability, where we were born, genetics, what other people will do), so let's focus our energy and ability on the stuff we can control and let's keep it realistic, practical and simple.

THE WINNING INGREDIENTS:

1. Self control.
Winners create different standards for themselves and do things that most won't.
They expect more out of themselves than anyone else.
While the majority go the easy option, winners go the 'effective' option.
They consistently demonstrate a strength of character that most won't.

2. Adaptability.
Winners embrace challenges and change.
They find ways to cope in dynamic, volatile, ever-changing environments.
They always find a way.
While most people avoid discomfort, they embrace it... because they know what it leads to.
Winners make mistakes, learn from them, change accordingly and keep going.
Losers keep making the same mistakes; they don't learn.

3. Planning, preparation, organisation, research.
These guys don't accidentally win, they put in the ground-work.
They don't stumble blindly and ignorantly in the 'general direction' of where they wanna be; they move towards their goals like a bomber closing in on a target because they are highly prepared for their mission (sorry about the crappy war analogy but you get my point).
They know exactly what needs to be done and how to do it.
While others are sitting on their butts complaining and waiting for success to knock on their door, winners are doing the hard yards.

4. Exceptional attitude.
We all know there's an undeniable relationship between attitude and outcome.... well winners live it. They choose to have a great attitude; they always find the good.
While losers are 'cracking the sads' (an Australian expression... feel free to use it), winners are keeping their head in the game (what is it with me and analogies today).

5. Mental and emotional toughness.
These guys deal with all kinds of crap all the time.
And survive.
When most people would curl up into the foetal position and suck their thumb, these guys are just warming up.
They do things in spite of their fears
They are resilient.
Tough.

6. Efficiency: Winners don't waste time or energy on things they can't change.
Losers do.
On a daily basis.

7. Vision, clarity and certainty.
It's pretty hard to be a winner if you don't have clearly defined objectives.
Winners know exactly what they want and exactly what's required to get it.
Losers spend much of their time scratching their head and hoping someone will tell them what to do with their life.

8. Proactivity.
Winners get stuff done.
They don't procrastinate.
They are doers.
Consistently.
While losers are 'waiting for the right time'... and talking the talk, winners are getting on with business.

Okay, so I couldn't help myself.
I had to throw a (small) lesson in there.
Sorry.

So, am I right or am I wrong?

Whatever your opinion (born or made), let us know your thoughts on the subject and where you're from.... and to all you lurkers.. get off the fence!

See ya.

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Saturday, April 28, 2007

UN-LEARNING... our way to Success.

The world truly is our classroom.
Life is our great teacher and without doubt, every day is a new lesson for us.
An opportunity to grow, learn, develop, adapt and improve.
Fantastic.

Yep, all good.

In theory.
(of course that was coming)

It is all true... however (there's always gonna be a however)... what if those life-lessons have been the very thing which has helped us become the dysfunctional, fearful, indecisive procrastinators that we (okay, some of us) are today?

What if our life hasn't been a great teacher at all (for us personally).

What if most of the 'lessons' we've had over the course of our lifetime have actually been our biggest handicap?

What if our life experiences have 'taught' us that we are a bunch of ugly, useless, stupid, talent-less boofheads, who are, more than likely, destined to live lives of misery, mediocrity, obesity, frustration, loneliness, poverty and struggle?

It sounds blunt and border-line offensive, but that's exactly what some people have 'learned' on their journey.
(I know; I talk with them every day).
That's what their experiences have somehow programmed into their psyche.
When you get told something enough (especially something negative) it easily becomes your reality.

I talk to people every day who have been programmed for failure.
People who have learned a failure mentality.
Too many of them.
Most of them are full of talent and amazing potential; they could be anything... but they don't know it.
Or believe it.
There's no hope (in their mind).
There's no self-belief because they have learned to expect the worst.

Is it possible that you (sitting right where you are, right now at this moment in time) are being cheated and robbed of your best life because of some limiting, dis-empowering (completely unnecessary) beliefs that you've unknowingly and unintentionally collected along the way?

Of course it is.
We've all done it at some stage (embraced destructive, limiting beliefs and thinking).

Including me.

Way too many of us have been programmed for, trained for and prepared for mediocrity, if not failure. My biggest challenge as a coach, is not working around people's lack of talent, but actually getting them to believe in themselves and their potential, acknowledge their talent and do something with it... and to get them to stop telling me 'what they can't do and why'.

Getting them to un-learn the limiting beliefs that have controlled and shaped their life for far too long is the objective...
Getting them to learn new, positive things about themselves.
Getting them to consider different possibilities.
Getting them to believe... something different.
Something better.

It's a tough gig for me.
Definitely one of the biggest challenges of my work.

Typically, I have more faith in people's ability and more belief in their potential than they do themselves.
They are so scared of failing (looking stupid, being embarrassed, humiliated, etc.) that they live their life preparing themselves (emotionally and psychologically) for failure... so that's when it happens, it isn't so painful.

Sad.
And so... unnecessary.

The reality and practicality of it all is that, some of their life-lessons (experiences, people, events, situations, relationships) have rendered them almost emotionally, psychologically, socially and creatively paralysed.

Sometimes the key to our success, the key to creating our best life (our version of amazing) is not what we can learn but really... what we can un-learn.

Our beliefs don't typically come from what we hear but rather what we experience; what happens to us.
Growing up my folks always told me what a champion I was... but what I actually learned (after being picked last for every sporting team year in, year out) was that I was anything but a champion... because as a fourteen year-old, that was my experience; my reality.

Fortunately for me, I later learned that I could be a champion in areas other than sport if I was prepared to get uncomfortable, apply myself, make the most of my ability and to find reasons to succeed not fail.

Learning usually comes out of experiences . . . not lectures :

I have worked with beautiful young women who have learned that they are ugly and undesirable because that's what their (charming) partner has taught them.

I have worked with talented, creative, intelligent people who have been too scared, too embarrassed and too insecure to express themselves or take a chance with anything, because years ago some 'I.Q. test' taught them that they were stupid.

I've worked with people who have more talent and potential than I've ever had but who constantly talk themselves down and constantly sabotage themselves because somewhere, on some level, they genuinely believe they are crap. They constantly refer to their ugliness, their stupidity, their unworthiness and their incompetence... and then give me fifty seven reasons why they'll never succeed.

Some of our learning is intentional (school, reading, personal development) but most of it is incidental.

It just 'happens' to us, unconsciously.
Some of it empowers us, much of it handicaps us (if we let it).

Every (waking) hour of every day, we're learning (good and bad); our mind is constantly being fed information. We are perpetually being influenced, stimulated, poked, prodded, pushed and pulled by an ever-increasing range of stimuli (mags, movies, TV, music, internet, bosses, family, friends)... and then one day we wake up and we say to ourselves :

"How did I end up like this?"
"Why am I so negative?"
"Why do I see myself the way I do?"
"Why do I constantly find ways to fail?"
"Why don't I believe people who complement me... but at the same time remember and hang on to every piece of negativity that comes my way?"

If you've had some bad lessons over the years and you're in need of some re-programming here are a few tips on learning to un-learn (if you know what I mean).

1. Identify your limiting beliefs: usually the ones that have come out of negative re-enforcement, low self esteem or fear. Realise that they are not facts but feelings. Facing our fears is a great way to un-learn because once we face and overcome that fear (issue, challenge, situation), our thinking changes, we learn something new (un-learn something old) and we create new beliefs. (yay)

2. Understand that your past does not (have to) equal your future. Most people base their expectations for the future on their past. From today on is a clean slate (in terms of how we choose to be and what we choose to do) if we want it enough.

3. Ask yourself the right kind of questions: the "what can I do, what can I learn from this experience" questions... as opposed to the "why am I so dumb, why does this always happen to me" line of thinking.

4. Be prepared to learn new things: look at your world (life, relationships, work, health, the future) differently and to begin to see old things... in a new way.

5. Be more discerning with what (and who) you let into your head! We need a spam filter for our brain!

6. Avoid the people who have been teaching you those bad lessons.

From the moment we are 'welcomed' into the world with a slap on the butt.. we start learning. We are constantly being 'programmed' by our environment, our friends, our teachers, our family and our experiences.. the challenge for us is to make sure we're running the right program.

What do you need to un-learn?

* Leave a comment... especially if your name is Jen!
(in joke)

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Thursday, April 26, 2007

Update on Project Cactus.

So last week we all met 'Cactus' Chris Couch in my post, From Couch Potato to Olympian.
In seven fun-filled (painful) days, he's jumped, punched, ridden, run, rowed, climbed, skipped, lifted and sweated his way to some pretty good results.
I gave him plenty.. and he has stepped up to the plate.

He's trained about an hour each day, with lots of variety and a gradual increase in intensity and has modified his diet accordingly.

Let's take a look at his results a week into his twelve-week journey.

Girth Measurements (difference since initial measurements)
Shoulders + 1 cm

Chest + 2cm
Waist -3.5cm
Thigh no change
Calf no change

Skinfold measurements
Tricep -3mm
Bicep -0.5mm
Subscapular no change
Pectoral -3mm
Abdomen -3mm
Suprailiac -5mm
Thigh - no change

Weight -3.0 kilos / 6.6lbs

One week down, eleven to go.

Fantastic work Cactus... keep it up.

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Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Dealing with Energy Vampires

They live among us.
In human form.

To the untrained eye, it is almost impossible to tell the difference.
Typically they look like you and I.
But they're not.
They're not like us at all.

They are Vampires and their modus operandi is not to steal your blood but rather, your precious energy.
Your life-force.
Your mojo.
To drain you emotionally and psychologically.
To frustrate you with their repetitious, self-indulgent, attention-seeking diatribe.

They are often bitter, angry and resentful.... and they want you to share their pain.
They don't want solutions, they want pity.
They don't want constructive feedback, they want attention.
They don't want to take responsibility, they want to blame and vent.
They seem to revel in their own misery.
Day in, day out.
They have the same conversations about the same issues with the same people and produce the same result; no change.

They major on minors.
They bring others down.
They have a gift for finding the negative.

They are emotionally exhausting to be around.

They inhabit our work places, our families, our schools and they permeate every corner of society.

Note: I will point out that Energy Vampires are not to be confused with the vast majority of people who simply need help, support, direction and care... and are serious about working on themselves and their situation. They are also not to be confused with people who are genuinely looking for answers (not attention or sympathy) and are prepared to accept responsibility, be accountable and be proactive.

No, the people I'm talking about here are relentless in their negativity and their 'woe-is-me' ness (a Craigism).

As most of you know, I am serious about helping people create their best life and I choose to spend much of my life working with a wide range of people to help them confront and deal with their issues and create their own version of amazing... but I'm not about letting people monopolise (or waste) my time and energy and I won't buy into their crap attitude or their negativity. I don't care how messed up someone's life or situation is, if they have a good attitude, I'll help them.
Gladly.

If they're a Vampire, I'm outa there.

See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.

It's great to be a giver, a carer and a feeler (sometimes), but now and then we need to take a stand with certain people.. because if we don't, we begin to suffer and then nobody wins.

So here are my tried and proven tips for dealing with Energy Vampires.
(Not every tip is appropriate for every person and situation but you might find some of them useful)

1. Identify the Vampires in your life, acknowledge the impact they have on you and make a resolution to change the way you communicate (interact with, exist with) those people.

2. Don't buy into their life's-not-fair-and-nobody-understands-me monologues. Feed it and you'll create a monster.

3. Be straight with them and tell them that you will not have the same conversations about the same issues any more (yes this takes courage).

4. This sounds harsh, but some Vampires need to be avoided.

5. Don't give them too much time. When a Vampire walks into my office I stand as if I'm about to go somewhere. I'll give them a few minutes and if I feel we're heading down the same old path, I'll start walking and shut the conversation down.

6. Ask them questions like "so you've identified the issues, tell me how you can change things for the better?"

7. If you have a Vampire who is in your life to stay (family perhaps), create some rules of engagement... "I will not talk about 'these' issues again until I see you doing XYZ."

8. Choose your friends and acquaintances wisely. Make sure you spend (lots of) time with people who will drag you up, not down. You need to keep your tank full.
Spending lots of time with Vampires is draining and unenjoyable.

Footnote: Sometimes I struggle with some subject matter.
I often wonder whether or not I should cover some topics, or let them slide. I have had this weird kind of internal, cerebral tug-of-war about writing this particular post... but lately I have been working with lots of people who are struggling with Energy Vampires in their world and it just seemed to be timely and for many people, relevant.

Even though I am a professional motivational speaker and a personal development writer, I don't feel compelled to write what people (necessarily) want to hear.
I do feel compelled to be honest, helpful, practical and realistic and to write what (I believe) people need to hear. The truth is that creating positive change in our life is not only an amazing, enlightening, educational and rewarding growth process... but it also often a messy, impractical, difficult, lumpy, bumpy and (at times) painful journey.
But it's all worth it.

I know that sometimes what I write is not the 'typical' personal development message and not necessarily embraced by everyone.
I'm okay with that.

I'm not interested in making people feel warm and fuzzy (for ten minutes), I'm interested in cutting through the BS and dealing with real issues in a real and practical way so that you, the reader, might create your best life.
If all my writing does for you is entertain you, push a few buttons every now and then, and periodically make you chuckle, then I'm failing at my job.

Reading my posts ain't enough.
Thinking about it ain't enough.
Talking about it ain't enough.
And even planning... ain't enough.

It's always about doing.

I know my message is not always 'nice', comfortable or universally embraced, but it's the truth.
So that's what you'll get.

Let us know your thoughts on Energy Vampires.. and also where you are from.
If you've never left a message (scaredy cat), why don't you make your craigharper.com debut today!!

PS. Was that the world's longest footnote or what?

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Sunday, April 22, 2007

Learning to be Proactive not Reactive

One of the interesting things about my work is that I get the opportunity to see how people 'work'... how they're wired.
Typical behaviours, thinking, attitudes, reactions.
How they deal with situations, circumstances, events, catastrophes, tragedies, good stuff, bad stuff; life.

It's all interesting stuff for me.

I've learned that most people, most of the time are reactive not proactive (when it comes to the big-picture stuff).

That is, many of us are not particularly good at taking charge of our future, our health, our relationships, our career, our finances, our destiny... our life.

We tend to spend our life reacting to events, situations and circumstances, rather than creating and shaping them.

We get sick (and scared)... we make a decision to start an exercise program and to 'get healthy' (reactive).

Our partner leaves us (we get scared)... we decide to be a better partner and do anything to make it work (reactive).

We have a nervous breakdown (get scared) ... we decide to manage our stress and cut back on work (reactive).

We crash our car and nearly kill five people (and get scared) ... we decide to drive slower and be more responsible (reactive).

Yes, they are all good decisions... but they all should have been made before reality beat us over the head and punched us in the face.

A life based on reactive decisions, made out of fear and limited options, is never going to be our path to our best life... but that's what many of us do.

React.
Cope.
Struggle.

If we want amazing then we need to do, decide and create (be proactive).

Yes, there is a time to be reactive (we need to react and adapt to a range of stimuli thousands of times every day) but I'm not talking about avoiding the kid on the skateboard (a smart reaction), or shivering in the cold weather (an unconscious reaction), I'm talking about the big stuff.

The.. what-is-your-life-really-about... stuff.

I'm talking about proactively, consciously, fearlessly, intelligently and methodically choosing and creating your best life.
(Not waiting for 'amazing' to happen to us... or to ring the door bell).

I know it all sounds a little 'business-like' but sometimes we almost need to put our life up on the white-board, get out the flow charts and get a little analytical, un-emotional, objective and practical about what the heck we're doing with our life, our reality and our existence here on the big blue ball.

Because really... some of us (seem to) have no idea, no plan and no ability to make a decision.
We seem to waste a lot of energy stumbling along... to nowhere in particular.

Well nowhere that we really want to be, anyway.

The scary thing is that, in a minute.. we're all gonna be five years older.

And trust me, some people reading this post will still be going around in circles, still procrastinating, still making excuses and still reacting and coping.

Still talking about what they're gonna do.

Not you of course.

It seems many of us are professional waiters.
That is, we spend our life waiting for some cosmic sign or unavoidable reason to make a decision and to do something.
To get of our ass.

What a waste of time, talent and potential.
People who waste their ability, their health, their opportunities and then complain, blame and make excuses frustrate me and make me sad because I have more faith and belief in their potential, than they do.

I know they can create amazing but they consistently choose nothing.
And do nothing.
Because they don't need to do anything.
Yet.

They're always about to do it.

Too many of us consistently avoid making decisions and let 'life' or other people make our decisions for us.

I have had hundreds of people (literally) over the years who have asked me to make their significant decisions for them... "you decide... you tell me what to do."

"Sure, give me all your money and go away."

Are you kidding me?

Seriously guys, c'mon... make a decision.
Make a bunch of them.
Get uncomfortable.
Take a risk.
Be the twelve year-old sometimes.
Do something.

Too often we make decisions when we're backed into a corner, when we have no choice.

The key is to choose and do... before you have to.

We finally address things (which should or could have been dealt with long ago) when a catastrophe happens... but often, it's too late.

Being proactive usually means dealing with discomfort, lack of support, fear and even resistance from others.
So deal with it.
Toughen up.

Creating your spectacular life and everything that goes with it, is regularly a challenging and uncomfortable process.
That's okay.

You're okay.

Reactive is... "I've got massive chest pain and pins and needles down my arm... maybe I'll go to the doctor."

Proactive is... "Even though I have no symptoms, I want to live a long, healthy life so I have embraced the life-long habits of healthy eating and regular exercise.

Reactive - is boring, frustrating, painful, unrewarding, unfulfilling and illogical (when you consider what most of us want).

Proactive - is amazing, rewarding, challenging and scary.

I love a bit of scary.

Okay, here are my simple, let's-not-make-it-too-tricky suggestions for moving from a reactive to proactive existence.

(1) Think... but not too much... (you'll end up doing nothing).

(2) Consider (and visualise) the cost and the consequences of a life-time of reacting.

(3) Create a to-do list right now and start ticking boxes today.

(4) Deal with your fears.

(5) Stop looking for, wanting or needing... the approval of others.

(6) Have your goals and dreams wrapped around a realistic, practical plan.

(7) Set yourself dead-lines.. "I will do... by... "

(8) Get stuff done early in the day (when possible)... it helps get your head in the right place.

(9) Use an accountability partner (friend, coach, mentor) to help keep you on track.

(10) Have an opinion, get off the fence... stop being a spectator.

Okay.... now, ready... set... go.

Waddya still sitting down for?

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Saturday, April 21, 2007

Mastering Motivation (lessons in creating forever change)

Motivation (a few definitions):
(1) A psychological concept with no single universally accepted definition, but which organisational sociologists believe concerns the determinants of intent, effort and tenacity, factors that push or pull us as individuals to behave in a particular manner.

(2) Feelings that drive someone toward a particular objective.

(3) The push of the mental forces to accomplish an action. Unsatisfied needs motivate. On the biological level basic human needs of food, shelter and survival are powerful motivators. On the psychological level people need to be understood, affirmed, validated and appreciated. On the business level motivation occurs when people perceive a clear business reason for pursuing a transfer of knowledge or practices.

If you look up the word Motivation you'll find many contrasting, and almost contradictory definitions of what it is (I found over fifty in five minutes).
It seems that even those who define it aren't exactly sure what it is.
It is definitely (in my opinion anyway) the most over-used (and mis-understood) word on the personal development landscape.

We all kinda know what it is... but at the same time, we don't.
It seems that motivation is (represented by) different things for different people.

I just asked someone (a random person in the gym) what their definition of motivation was and they said, "something which makes us do stuff".

I said "well fear can make us do stuff... so is fear motivation?"
"Er yeh, guess so."
"Well vanity makes us do stuff... so what about vanity as a motivator?"
"Yeh.. guess so."
"Food, sex?"
"S'pose."

The reality is that we are motivated by many things.
Different things.
And the same things.

But what we're talking about in this post is the motivation that helps us create that forever change, that amazing life, that incredible body, that spectacular relationship, that new and improved reality... not the motivation that sees us standing in front of the fridge an hour after our dinner.

For many people, motivation is an emotional state which helps them get certain things done (for a while).

"I felt motivated to go for a run this morning."

"That experience gave me the motivation (changed my thinking and emotional state) to create new habits."

"Whenever I read Craig's amazing, incredible, insightful, clever, witty, life-changing posts (okay, I over did it), I feel inspired and motivated to turn my life around.

The problem with motivation being (essentially) an emotional state (or a place we get to in our head) is that it's temporary. And when the motivation disappears (which it will because our emotions and mental state fluctuate from day to day and moment to moment), then so do the new-found (desirable) behaviours.

In other words, we lose momentum.
We stop doing what we need to do to create the outcomes (realities) we so desperately desire.

For others, motivation is simply a reason to (have to) do something.

"I've gotta work 'cause I have five kids.... I'm not particularly excited about that... don't love it... just needs to be done."

"I exercise three times a week because I don't want to die from a heart attack like my father did."

The truth is that most of us alternate between can't-be-bothered, kinda-motivated and totally-in-the-zone... for much of our lives. Many of us step in and out of 'motivation' on a daily (if not, hourly) basis.

"I can't be bothered today" is a line I've heard thousands of times in my job.
"Do it anyway" I say.
"But I'm not motivated!"
"So do it... despite your lack of motivation."
"Perhaps in the doing... you'll get motivated!"

"It's not normal... but it is possible."

And the amazing thing about doing 'stuff', the stuff we know we should do (even when we're not 'motivated to do it') is that once it's done, we're SO glad we did it (and we usually discover we actually are legitimately motivated after we've done it)... and then we also discover we've developed some new getting-crap-done-even-when-we-don't-feel-like-it skills!

Good skills to have.
Trust me.

If we only do the things we need to do (to create our desired outcomes and achieve our goals) when we feel like it... then we'll never achieve much because we'll be perpetually starting and stopping.
After all, nobody feels motivated (excited, pumped, positive, focused, in-the-zone) permanently.

Lesson one:
People who succeed are usually the ones who continue to do what they need to... even when their feeling of motivation isn't there.

It is my (not particularly popular) opinion (based on a lifetime of observation) that most people who start most endeavours don't finish them.

Great at starting; crap at finishing.
We don't want to think that we're like that.
We don't want to acknowledge it.
But we are.
Often.

Many of us have a history of starting and stopping all kinds of projects and endeavours... might be academic stuff, might be some short-lived, self-improvement journey, might be a potential business or money-making venture, could be a diet or an exercise program or it could be dealing with (or not dealing with) some undesirable habit.

Or a million other things.
You know what they are (for you personally).

We start reading books, we get to chapter two.
We join a gym, we go four times.
We change our eating habits... for three days.
We plan our 'new' business venture.... for ten years!
We get pumped... we lose focus.

And while there are always a range of 'reasons' why we never finish what we start (some of them legitimate, some not), the truth is, we spend far too much time rationalising, explaining and justifying to ourselves and others why we never get the job done.

Lesson two:
Motivation needs to be a commitment, a philosophy and a choice, not an emotional state.

I consider myself to be a highly-motivated person... but I often don't 'feel' motivated.
I have made the choice to be a motivated individual.
I walk into a room (to do a presentation) and I have already made a commitment and a decision to be (personally) motivated and (publicly) motivating.

This is how it works for me:

(1) I choose to be motivated.
(2) I 'behave' motivated... even if I don't 'feel' like it (body language, communication, energy, attitude).
(3) Usually within a short period of time I start to feel genuinely different (excited, positive, happier)
(4) Not only am I 'behaving' motivated but now I'm actually feeling motivated.

Tony Robbins calls this 'changing state'.
It's called different things by the various 'experts', but my experience is that if people genuinely make the effort to do this, it works.

Not everyone agrees with my thoughts on this subject.
That's okay.
I know what works for me and many others I've worked with, so I teach what I know to be true.
Some people believe I over-simplify complex issues.

I believe some people over-complicate simple issues.

Wanna be motivated?
Then behave like you're motivated.
Talk like you're motivated.
And make the decision to be motivated, irrespective of how you're feeling.

Doesn't mean you can't have a bad day or be down... it simply means that most of the time, you're doing what most people won't.
By choice.

Lesson three:
Don't make emotional (or reactive) decisions (when it comes to creating forever results).
Spur of the moment, reactive, emotion-based decisions rarely result in life-long change.
Make sure your motivation, your passion and your emotion are all attached to a sensible and logical plan which factors in the frailties of the human condition (that is, our ability to run hot and cold).

So while some people consider motivation to be something that's almost beyond our control; we either have it, or we don't (on a given day).... I believe it's something we (can) have complete control over.

For me motivation is choice.

I choose to be motivated.
I choose to be a motivator.
I choose to create my own (internal) reality.
I choose to be motivated, even on the bad days.
I choose to keep 'doing' even when I don't 'feel' like it.

But hey, they're just my thoughts... let us know yours.
(and where you're from).

See ya.

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Thursday, April 19, 2007

Breakfast with Craig and Johnnie.

Hey Guys.. not a post, just a reminder.
The bald man and I are having a casual get-together (beer, donuts, mud wrestling, stories) this Saturday morning for local craigharperdotcommers... more info here.

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Wednesday, April 18, 2007

From Couch Potato to Olympian

So a friend of mine has decided he wants to re-invent himself physically.

'Cactus' Chris Couch is a (very) minor celebrity here in Melbourne, does a little radio and is the media manager for Melbourne's only National Rugby League (NRL) team; Melbourne Storm.
His boys are sitting five and zip on top of the ladder as I write, so Cactus is a happy (albeit out-of-shape) little camper.

He came to see me the other day.
The conversation went something like this:

"Hey Harps, I gotta do sumthin."
"My gut is cascading over my shorts and I've become socially invisible."
"I'm thirty three and I'm struggling."

"Help"... came the pathetic little wimper from the shell of what was once, a professional soccer player.

Tragic.

"Sure, I can help" came the thoughtful and sensitive reply.

"How much money have you got."

Nah... even I wouldn't be that mean.
He was already in enough pain.

True, he's not an attractive man (as demonstrated by the accompanying photos) and clearly has limited genetic potential (kinda like a chubby Smurf with no biceps) but being as I'm such a giver and humanitarian (and such a great buddy and sensitive friend), I decided that we'd try (against all odds and genetic limitations) and see if we could possibly make something of the dumpy, chubby, shapeless little weirdo.

Love you Cactus.
It's for your own good man.

Freak.

I thought we might see if we could find him some shoulders and pecs.
A waist perhaps.
Possibly even a vain.

We may even send out the National Guard to see if they can locate his (long-gone) six-pack... located just above his rarely used... thighs.

Shame on you.

So I thought we might all get behind the chubby little weirdo and see if we can help him morph into a new and improved version of himself over the next twelve weeks. Even though he has arms like a nine year-old girl, the mid section of a professional chess player and the will-power of a four year-old in a lolly (sweet) shop, I reckon if I can get him angry enough... he might just do it (get in shape) and he might just belt the crap out of me in about 83 days!

I'd love that.
C'mon ya big blouse.
Let's see watcha got.

Everyone needs a cheer squad and Cactus, we'll be yours.
Well, everyone else will... I'll just make fun of you.

Sludge guts.
Porky.

We may even find him a girl.

Nah... probably not.
(I'm not a magician).

So yesterday (April 17) was day one of Project Cactus.
We took some measurements and photos, we created a plan and the 'project' did his first workout.
To my surprise the big sook did pretty well.
Bugger.

We're going to do a weekly update on the big girly-man's progress here on the site, complete with measurements and photos (probably every Wednesday).
So stay tuned and cheer him on.

Of course, there's every chance he won't make it past this Friday.
Love you Mate.

Anyway here are his starting figures and photos.

Girth Measurements:
Chest - 106cms (42 inches... man boobs)
Waist - 99cms (39 inches)
Bicep - 34cms (13.5 inches.... nine year-old girl arms)
Shoulders - 120cms (47 inches)

Skinfold Measurements (millimetres fat):
Tricep - 18mm
Subscapular - 28mm
Thigh - 21mm
Abdominal - 38mm
Supra Iliac - 26mm

Weight - 88kgs (194lbs)

So over the next twelve weeks, I'm (we're) gonna turn my shapeless buddy into a chick-pulling, alpha-male-warrior.... machine.
Complete with big guns (arms), massive delts (shoulders), freaky wheels (legs), a wicked taper (small waist) and less than ten percent body-fat.

Or not.

Stay tuned.

Leave your comments below and cheer Cactus on.
(He needs the love).

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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Ten Ways to be More Attractive

* I so wanted this to be a brief, quirky, interesting post... maybe four, five hundred words tops.
A thousand words later... here it is.
I can't help myself.
I think I talk too much.
I need help.

School report from 1977:
"Craig has a propensity to be somewhat verbose and distracting in class".

So not fair.
So misunderstood.

Okay.. that's it.
I'm gonna do my best to be more concise.
Maybe I need to take a workshop.
Oops.. I'm still doing it.
I'm still adding words aren't I?
Okay, that's it.
I'm done.

Really.
Okay, one more.
Bugger.. that was three.

Have you ever noticed how ugly some people are?

Seriously.
Feral.

Completely unattractive.
Repulsive even.
Stinky, stanky, skanky.
Yuck.

Now before you all recoil in shock, horror and disgust at my new level of political incorrectness (it's a word... now), I best mention that I'm not talking about anyone's looks or appearance here, but rather... their behaviour, their disposition, their attitude, their language and their habits.

Some people (even some of the the 'beautiful people'... although that subject is a whole post by itself... what is beauty anyway?) repel, rather than attract.

And while it may seem ironic that the aesthetically-challenged, forty three year-old, ex-fat kid should give advice on improving one's attractiveness... keep in mind that I'm not talking about 'how to be a hottie 101'... that's next week.

And I won't be writing it.

No, this post is actually about learning to become one of those people that others want to hang around, be with, talk to, get to know.

Some people are attractive.

That is, they attract.

Guys, girls, old, young.
People just enjoy being around them.
There's something about them that's appealing, magnetic.
People want to get to know them.
They're funny, they're engaging, they're charismatic.
They're likable.
They smell good. (read on)

Here goes:

1. Listen to people and be genuinely interested.
This doesn't mean simulated interested and manufactured head nodding either.
This takes real time, energy and effort.
If you want people to be drawn to you... you need to be all about them, not you.
Talk to them... not at them.
Have conversations... don't give lectures.
Some people are ugly because the only voice they enjoy the sound of, is their own.
And the only opinion that matters is theirs.

2. Get in shape.
We know that attractiveness is largely not about the physical, but if you genuinely want to attract then being in shape ain't gonna hurt.
Not Mr Universe... or Miss world... just fit and healthy.
Being in shape (physically) also helps us emotionally and psychologically, which in turn makes us more attractive!
Clever that.

3. Personal grooming and hygiene.
Okay this is my last comment on the physical but it's necessary.
It doesn't matter if we look like Angelina or Brad... if we've got breath like a Buffalo and armpits like a Yak... we're attracting nobody!
For goodness sakes, how can some people not smell themselves ! !
I regularly talk to people who stink (and not just 'cause I own gyms)... and everyone except them knows.
When I'm chatting to someone with stinky breath (I mean, "have you got a dead marsupial in your mouth" stinky), I can't concentrate.
I can't think about anything except the smell.
It distracts me.

"Hey Tiger.. you know that layer of white crap on your tongue.. it STINKS!"

Clean your teeth, fart breath !

Water, soap, shampoo, toothpaste.. all cheap and easily accessible resources; give 'em a go.

4. Be an optimist.
This doesn't mean don't be practical and don't be a realist... but nobody wants to hang out with Mr (or Mrs) woe-is-me-my-life's-so-hard. Hey.. I care about global warming but I don't want to have a three hour conversation with you about why the world is ending next week and who's fault it is. Yes we live in a nasty, dysfunctional, scary world... but what if we decided that it's actually an amazing, exciting, incredible place with infinite opportunities for those who dare to be different.
What if we decided to see the good rather than search for (and focus on) the bad.
Now that... is attractive.

5. Have fun with people.
Remember fun?
Remember laughter?
Remember laughing so hard you thought you'd be sick or die from lack of oxygen.
Those were the days.
Remember when fart jokes were funny.
Before we got all mature, politically correct, precious and easily offended.
People who laugh and have fun are cool to be around.

6. Don't lose your temper.
Bad tempered people are ugly.
They repel, not attract.
This doesn't mean don't get angry.
Anger has a place.
But out-of-control, ranting, raving, unreasonable idiots need a (loving) slap.

I'll do it!

If you have anger management issues, address them.
Or if you need me to slap you...

7. Random acts of kindness.
Generous, selfless, thoughtful, kind people are the most attractive.
No agenda, no crap.
Just kindness.

8. Get Spiritual.
Not to be confused with... get weird and freaky.
This suggestion definitely needs a disclaimer.
Getting spiritual (whatever that means for you) can make you more attractive.
Or not.
If your spiritual journey results in you being more centred, balanced, calmer, more insightful and happier.. well then that's cool.

Conversely, if it means that you end up being some weirdo, fanatical, super-religious, zealot living in some subterranean bunker surviving on canned food and crawling out of your hole at night to communicate telepathically with your brothers from another galaxy... maybe not so cool!
Or if it means hurting or hating someone who has different spiritual beliefs to you, not cool.
At all.

9. Be confident.
Not to be confused with being arrogant.
Quiet confidence is attractive.

10. Be humble.
Definitely one of the most universally attractive and desirable qualities.
Humility is a decision, an attitude, a philosophy.
A way of living, being and communicating.
It's attractive.

Now, I'm gonna go and tell that guy where I buy my paper about the white crap on his tongue and why he's got no buddies.
And don't get me started on that stuff in the corner of his mouth.
What is that?

See ya.

Let us know your thoughts on the topic and what you find attractive (or ugly).
We love your input.. so lurk no more and let us know where you're from.

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Monday, April 16, 2007

Stumbling into the Future.

When I walk into a room to do a presentation I regularly ask a few questions before we get under way:

"Who wants to live an amazing life?" (every hand goes up)
"Who wants to have an amazing career?" (every hand goes up again)
"Who wants incredible relationships?" (every hand)
"Who wants more." (every hand)

To the uninitiated, it would appear that everyone in the room is pretty sure about what they want...

They want amazing.
They want incredible.
They want more.

Cool; they know what they want... that's a good start.

Or do they?

Then the tricky questions come:

"What does your amazing life look like, what will make it amazing and how will you create it?"
(errr... aah... mm... silence and much glancing around the room)

"And by the way, what exactly is... more?"
(no hands up, more silence)

The truth for many of us is that we know what we don't want (our current life and reality) but we haven't really clearly defined exactly what we do want.

So many of us lack clarity and certainty about (what we want for) our future:

Where we want to be.
What we want to do.
What we want our life to look like in 1, 2, 5 or 10 years from now.
We kinda think that somehow it's all just gonna fall into place.

It ain't.
We don't 'accidentally' end up with an amazing life.

We know we want to be somewhere better.
It's just that we're not that sure where better is... or what it looks like.

"So you hate your life... what would you like to be doing?"
"Er.. not sure."

"You say you want more.. what does that mean SPECIFICALLY?"
"Aah.. dunno"

Before you can create amazing, you need to define it.
For you.
Personally.

Not anyone else's version of an amazing life... yours.

If you can't conceive it, you can't achieve.

So many of us are sitting at that great big T-intersection of life.... looking right, looking left... one foot on the brake, one on the accelerator, checking the mirror... not exactly sure what the heck we're doin'.

A picture of indecision.

We might have all the good intentions, all the motivation and all the potential in the world... but if we don't have certainty and clarity about what we want to do with our life and how we're going to do it... then it's gonna be a little tough to create amazing.

Living in the land of uncertainty only creates mediocrity, boredom and frustration.

We need to get SPECIFIC, SERIOUS and CLEAR about what we want for our future.

But How?
Sometimes (now perhaps) we need to (metaphorically) step out of our life, our situation, our reality, our relationships and our busy-ness.... get some distance, get some perspective, take some time and stop 'doing' until we can answer those tough questions.

Think.
Be still (a wacky concept in 2007).
Go away for a week (a day at least).
Alone.
No phone, no noise, no distractions.
Don't ask others what you should do... ask YOU!

Think about your life, your health, your relationships, your career, your past, your future.. and don't expect to get some life-changing, mind altering revelation in five minutes.
Spend some quiet time with yourself and listen to that still, small voice.
It's there... you just need to listen.
Patiently.
Remember... the relationship between effort and outcome is directly proportional.
So make the effort.
Take the time.

Sometimes we spend more time and energy planning for a big night out... than we do planning for the rest of our life.

Being busy going around in circles... is dumb.
Being busy for a purpose is clever and rewarding.

Stop stumbling along and get some clarit

Motivational Speaker

Exercise Scientist

Motivation Melbourne

Renovate Your Life Blog

So, I've Offended You in the Blogosphere... Now Let's do it in Person!

Are Winners Born or Made?

UN-LEARNING... our way to Success.

Update on Project Cactus.

Dealing with Energy Vampires

Learning to be Proactive not Reactive

Mastering Motivation (lessons in creating forever change)

Breakfast with Craig and Johnnie.

From Couch Potato to Olympian

Ten Ways to be More Attractive

Stumbling into the Future.