This site is the website of motivational speaker Craig Harper. A constantly updated, one-stop information, inspiration, education and motivation station. Unlike many similar sites, it is a totally free resource for anyone who is serious about moving from mediocre to amazing in any area of their personal or professional life. With hundreds of articles covering a wide range of subject matter, great interviews with cool people and inspirational video posts, there's more than enough brain-food to keep you busy for hours. Okay, days!!
Enjoy.
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Life Coach
Melbourne - Craig Harper
If
you are interested in maximizing your potential,
stepping out of that 'holding pattern' and being
privately coached by Craig click here.
Business Coach Melbourne -
Craig Harper
If you're a personal trainer, gym owner or studio owner
who is interested in growing your business and/or your
career, then mentoring with Craig could be a valuable
part of your overall success strategy and professional
development journey.
Biological Age Testing
- Craig Harper
In a recent test, Jan Frazer, who has a chronological age (the
number of years she's been on the planet) of 67 did a biological
age test which showed she has the body of a 37 year old female.
Pretty Impressive! How old is your body! Find out here.
Nutrition Melbourne -
Craig Harper
Many nutritional
experts are confusing people with jargon and pseudo-science.
Craig's HPN Service provides remote access to Craig's Director
of Nutrition to cut through the dietary confusion and
contradiction.
Public Speaking Melbourne - Craig Harper If you've ever
thought about becoming a professional speaker or
improving your public speaking then you can be privately
coached here.
Fattitude
- Craig Harper
While many books focus on food,
Craig Harper teaches that creating life-long change is more about the
dieter, than the actual diet. This book is perfect for people who have a
history of 'almost' getting in shape.
DVD
or CD - Renovate Your Body - Craig Harper In this entertaining presentation, Craig discusses the
notion of Renovating Your Body - once and for all. Many of us have a curious
ability to be able to get in shape for events (weddings, parties, reunions
and birthdays), if only we'd get in shape for life.
Motivational t-shirt designs
Katrina provides her own range of clothing including some cool t-shirt designs with Craig's motivational messages at Funkyas.
Craig Harper is a leading
motivational speaker
and educator. He is a highly
sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be
a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and
professional development. Working with hundreds of
teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations
on numerous continents over the last twenty years
has given Craig a unique insight into, and
understanding of, human performance and all its
variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire,
challenge and make people laugh all at the same
time!
* This post won't make much sense if you haven't read yesterday's effort..... so if you haven't read it yet, you may want to.
Dear Young Me.
G'day Kid.
It was really great to hear from you (me).
I was so excited when the mailman arrived at the door. I knew from the handwriting, the dusty old envelope and the four cent stamp that it was from you (me). I couldn't open it fast enough. Where ya been? It's been too long since we chatted... but then again, maybe I haven't been opening the right letters or paying attention. I know you've tried to make contact a few times. Perhaps I've ignored you a bit. Sorry about that.
Didn't mean to.
Old people like me should listen more to seven year-olds like you. Sometimes I think I'm more important than I am. I get a bit carried away with myself and my very important life. Sometimes I forget to listen to you. I'll work on that.
Even though you're 'only seven', you're smarter than many grown-ups, so don't sell yourself short and don't be in a hurry to 'get big'. Being big ain't all that. Lots of big people are tools.
We definitely need to communicate more so keep those dusty old letters coming and I'll work at being the best 'old you' I can be.
I love hearing from you and I really dig it when you visit me when I'm asleep, so feel free to drop by any night. I'll only be sleeping anyway, so it would be great if we could hang out a little. I spend way too many sleeps having conversations with people I really don't wanna hang out with, so I'd much rather spend some time with you.
I have forgotten so much and I'd love you to refresh my memory and tell me all about me... you. While it was fantastic to receive your letter, it was also kinda bitter-sweet for me. Sweet, in that it was great to hear from you again, but bitter, in that I feel like I have let you down in some ways. Perhaps my standards have slipped a little over the last thirty six years. Somewhere, somehow I think I left you behind. I didn't mean to... because I actually think you're ace.
I think I lost some of your (my) generosity and patience. And kindness and gentleness. And innocence and hope. I've probably become a little hard and selfish. Sometimes I don't know if you'd like the me you've become. Perhaps with your input I can change for the best. Perhaps I can unlearn a bit.
I need to.
Okay, enough of the deep, depressing grown-up stuff... I guess I should answer a few of your questions from your letter and tell you a little about 'old you'.
Well, I guess the good news for you is that girls become more appealing and less smelly as you get older. I know it's hard to believe now, but in a few years you will even want to spend some time with them. And one day in the not-too-distant future, you're actually gonna kiss one of them. Freaky I know, but panic not my young me... it's pretty good. Almost as good as wrestling.
I probably shouldn't tell you this but Helen Jacobs turns out to be kinda hot in a few years, so be nice to her. I know you don't really get this right now... but just trust me on it. Be nice!
You know how you feel when you see that Eliminator skateboard with the 'flexi-deck' and the see-through wheels in the sports store (the one you desperately want but are not allowed to have), well multiply that feeling by a hundred and that's what you'll experience when you see Helen Jacobs in about eight years.
She's like the best skateboard ever.
You asked me if I have looked after your body... well I've (you've) had my moments. I'm (you're) no Brad Pitt (you'll find out who he is in about twenty years) and there are a few creaky bits, but overall you're looking okay for a fossil. Compared to some forty three year-olds, you're fantastic.
I'm sorry to have to tell you this Champ.... but the wars, the violence, the hatred, the starving kids thing; all the yucky stuff.... it's still happening.
Possibly even more.
I know this doesn't make sense to you now but as long as grown-ups are in charge of the world it seems like there will always be horrible, nasty, unfair injustices (bad stuff) happening to nice people who don't deserve it. I think that if seven year-olds like you made all the rules, the world would definitely be a better place. A lot less violent and unfair anyway. And way less homework.
You asked if I was still excited about my future. The brief answer is yes... but not as excited as I should be. However, in the last twenty four hours (since I got your letter) some of that excitement and enthusiasm has been re-ignited.
You have made me think. You have made me laugh and made me cry. You have made me feel things that I haven't felt for a long time. Chatting with you makes me sad... but also gives me immense joy. Hard to understand, I know. But it's true.
I actually want to be more like you. I know that's a weird concept for you, but one day you'll get it.
When we get old we tend to forget some of the important stuff. We forget how to be kids. We forget to laugh and play. We forget to invent and create. We forget to make others feel good. We forget to enjoy what we've got.
We forget the promises we made to ourselves when we were seven.
In your letter you asked me if it's fun being big and being able to do all that cool stuff and living without any rules. Well, the answer is yes and no. Of course being able to eat cereal out of the box without mum saying anything is certainly a bonus and having cheesecake before dinner is unreal... however sometimes being big kinda sucks. You see, lots of grown-ups create dumb rules for themselves. Rules that make their life an unfulfilling, frustrating, lonely and sad experience.
Lots of grown-ups are sad... and scared. More scared than kids even.
Many of them are too scared to do almost anything. You know how scared you are of the dentist... well times that by fifty and that's how scared some grown-ups are of almost everything. They don't need to be... but strangely, they choose to be.
They suffer from analysis paralysis; they think about things so much that they never actually do anything.
As you grow up remember it's okay to be scared. And it's also okay to do stuff that scares you (like going to the the dentist and sleeping with the light off). Doing scary stuff means you're brave and makes you strong.
Grown-ups should do more scary stuff.
You asked me if it's fun being a professional footballer, rock star, fireman, racing car driver, stunt man and astronaut...
I'll let you find out for yourself.
You also asked me if you're gonna do amazing stuff and if I'm proud of what you've (I've) done (you'll do). Well, I can't tell you too much little man 'cause I don't want to ruin it for you... but I can tell you that life is a gift, it is an amazing opportunity and every day you need to make the most of it.
Keep learning, keep asking questions, keep your innocence and whatever you do....
....be nice to Helen Jacobs!
(She's gonna be a hottie).
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I hope this letter finds you (I mean me) well. I hope you're (I mean I'm) looking after my (our) body (okay, I'm seven and confused) and I bet you're (I'm) really loving being a professional footballer, rock star, fireman, racing car driver, stunt man and astronaut. It must be fun.
I can't wait.
Seven is really tough. Do you remember? So much homework and Helen Jacobs really annoys me. She smells a bit and got me into trouble at school today. I don't really like her much. And I didn't do anything. Honest.
Anyway, I am very excited about meeting (being) forty-three year-old me one day. I imagine the world is an amazing place to live in thirty six years from now. I bet you're (I'm) really enjoying the farm in the country with all the animals and all those great motorbike tracks. I guess it's great owning the fastest motorbike in the world too... I bet you're (I'm) lovin' that. And the plane of course. I so can't wait.
I'm also really excited to find out about how you and all the other grown-ups have solved all those big problems... you know; the starving kids, the lack of education in some countries, the killing, the wars, the hate... all that horrible stuff.
It must be amazing living in a world with no poverty and where everyone gets on well together. I can't wait to see how you guys did it. Must be so proud.
I know I'm only seven but I don't really get the killing and the hating thing. Not smart enough yet I guess. So much learning to do. Grown-ups are so clever.
Are you still excited about your future.. 'cause I am. Or have you done it all by now... after all, forty three is very old. I guess you've pretty much achieved all your dreams haven't you? Did you (I) end up helping all those people you said you would? I bet you did. Must be so proud of yourself.
It must be great when you're big 'cause you can do whatever you want. No limits. No rules and no parents to stop you. Cool. Do you love doing all that great stuff? When you're seven there are way too many rules and everyone bosses me around. I'm so gonna do amazing stuff when I get big.
Did I? Am I proud of me?
Hope so.
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Recently on a current affairs television program here in Melbourne there was a story exploring the concept of children not receiving 'traditional' school report cards and not being graded (marked) on their school work at all. The key message of the program was that evaluating our kids and actually scoring them on their work and exams might set them up for some kind of long-term emotional pain or short-term social judgement and ridicule from their peers. Apparently the traditional concept of report cards might do some kind of damage and it might be in our kid's interest to 'protect' them from any form of assessment or evaluation.
Clearly, turning up to school is enough.
What a great idea. That way nobody will get upset. Fantastic.
We wouldn't want children to compare report cards and we wouldn't want anyone to do 'better' or 'worse' than anyone else would we? Ideally, everyone will get about the same mark, no one will fail, no one will get upset, all the parents will be happy, no kids will have to deal with any pressure, no waves will be made and then we'll all go home and sing nice, warm, fuzzy songs around the fire and drink hot milk. Then we'll put our pyjamas on and dad will read amazing stories to us; ones where we are the heroes. Give me a bucket.
What a great preparation for the realities of life beyond school this kind of learning environment would be. What are we teachingour kids when the message is that... not studying, not paying attention in class, not completing homework and not being a responsible, diligent student... has no real downside?
Back in the dark ages when I was at school my teachers employed this wacky notion of telling us whether or not our school work was great, good, bad or otherwise. They even gave us grades. And when my report cards were bad my folks got mad at me... not the teacher. Crazy, I know. Surprisingly I didn't die from this... or suffer any irreparable damage.
Sometimes kids even failed a subject. Interestingly, none of them died either (as a result of that failure). Some of them even went away, studied, worked harder, passed the next semester, developed some new skills and learned a lot from the experience!
Is it just me, or does is dawn on anybody else that the rampant over-protection of our kids (and not just in a school setting) doesn't really help them at all? It's not always an advantage but often, a significant disadvantage? I'm not a kid-ologist (made that up) but I do own a kid's gym and do observe lots of parents in action and it seems to me that some parents are so paranoid and over-protective that the very thing they don't want... they end up creating; kids who can't cope, can't adapt and don't fit in.
The world is a messy, lumpy, bumpy, unfair, nasty, unpredictable place. Perhaps we should let our kids experience a little pain, discomfort, adversity... life. One of the realities of life beyond school is that we are regularly (if not, constantly) evaluated, judged, criticised and given feedback. Some of it's positive, some negative, some of it's nice, some of it's nasty... it's just happens. Try and find a job where you're never given feedback about your performance... good luck with that. In life not everybody 'wins', not everybody has fun, not everybody has it easy and not everybody 'passes' everything. Perhaps this would be a valuable lesson for our kids. Sometimes we fail, fall down, get hurt, make mistakes... and dealing with these realities is how and when we do our real learning.
One day some of these 'protected' kids are going to get a rude awakening when they step out of their cushy, cosy, comfy, manufactured school experience... and step into the workplace.
I worry that by building these weird academic environments where 'everybody passes'... and nobody gets and 'F'... we prevent our kids from experiencing reality. We prevent our kids from developing the strength, skills, attitudes and coping mechanisms to be able to negotiate the realities of life. We handicap them. Yes, we mean well...but no, we're not helping in the long-term.
I also worry that neurotic, insecure parents are raising neurotic, insecure kids.
I personally know several women who have been so determined to 'protect' their daughters from the 'perils' of obesity (fat girls get picked on) that they have kindly passed on all of their own obsessive behaviours and attitudes around food to their girls. Mum was picked on for being chubby... so she'll do anything to protect her daughter from going through that same experience.
Including giving her an eating disorder. Thanks Mum.
I know that the parents and teachers motives are (usually) good and honourable but perhaps we need to ask ourselves whether or not all this 'protection' is grooming our kids for success... or failure.
Waddya think? Let me know (and where you're from).
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So the ex-fat kid from down under has been featured in the Washington Post in an article talking about online inspiration! Who woulda thought? Not me.
Here's what journalist Vickie Elmer had to say (Tuesday March 27):
"Those who want to feel fit, motivated and successful can check out Aussie fitness guru and author Craig Harper's chatty blog at http://www.craigharper.com.au. He muses on topics such as personal mission statements and the art of connection as well as the need occasionally to unplug and head to the beach."
It's brief but kinda cool.
Thanks for helping me grow this site you guys.
I will be posting tonight or tomorrow morning. ( )
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I love hanging out with people who have amazing attitudes because sometimes a little of their amazing-ness (it's a word)..... (now).. rubs off on me. One of the coolest things about working in radio is that I get to meet and interview people who have done, and continue to do, incredible things. People who teach me, challenge my thinking and inspire me.
Recently I interviewed a man who is a legend of Australian Sport. His name is Tom Hafey, he is seventy five years young and at an age when some people are putting on their slippers, smoking their pipe, watching the ABC and dealing with the realities of 'being old'... he's training like an athlete, doing speaking gigs all over the country, running coaching clinics and having a massive, positive influence on tens of thousands of Aussies every year.
He is in amazing physical and mental condition. His physiology (from a functional perspective) is similar to that of a 'fit' forty year-old and his mind is razor sharp. He is still learning, still creating, still growing, still setting goals and still inspiring people.. because he has chosen to be exceptional.
Yes, it's a choice.
For my international visitors who don't know about Tom, he is an icon of Australian sport having been a very successful player and coach in our AFL (Australian Football League). An hour with him and you realise that we have the capacity and propensity to make things more difficult than they need to be. I love people who 'break the rules' and who change perceptions of what's normal, expected, possibly, likely. While he is unlikely (in modern society), what he does is very possible and inspirational... if only more people would choose to think, do and be like him. He has chosen to be different, chosen not to behave like a 'typical' seventy five year-old and chosen to do, be and live amazing(ly).
Love that.
Here.. take a peek at Tom's training schedule:
10 minutes stretching - daily 200 push-ups - daily Beach swim - daily (regardless of water temperature) 700 sit-ups - daily Gym - 3 to 4 days per week (heavy weights) Runs - 7 to 8 kilometres every day (4 - 5 miles)
When many athletes 'hang it up' they get fat, lazy and depressed. Tom has chosen otherwise.
Take a listen to our chat here and see if some of his attitude rubs off on you.
P.S. My co-host for this show is the very beautiful Tammy Van-Wisse (an Australian swimming legend)... she sounds much sexier than yours truly.
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Many companies display what's known as their 'Mission Statement' (often somewhere near their reception area) so that anyone who walks through their doors understands what that particular organisation is all about; their values, their objectives, their corporate philosophy, their purpose... in short, who they are.
I'm always interested in mission statements because I often get to explore whether or not what's written on the piece of cardboard (plastic, timber, aluminium...etc.) at reception is actually reflective and representative of what actually happens within that organisation (as I get to work with lots of different companies... and the people who keep those corporate wheels turning).
As an aside, it is my experience that very few companies walk the talk. If they actually lived their mission statement they wouldn't need people like me to come and coach them. I think that many organisations write fluffy, politically-correct-sounding, goody-two-shoes-type, we-really-care declarations when they are establishing their company... and then five years later someone realises that professionally, culturally and practically their company's typical behaviour couldn't be further from their original intention. Sorry, I digress. (There's a shock).
So anyway, I decided to do a search on the term 'mission statement' and while I found many, many (rather lengthy) definitions, the one which made the most sense to me was simple and short:
A mission statement defines the core purpose of an organization - why it exists.
A few years ago I did some work with a man who owns a successful company (we'll call him Dave).
Heaps of cash, heaps of toys, heaps of 'trophies', great reputation in his field and apparently.... 'got it made.' Sure. A great business with lots of staff (over one hundred), growing turn-over, healthy bottom line, great brand-awareness, a strong foot-hold in the marketplace and seemingly, a bright corporate future. We were doing some work together because beyond the walls of his business, his life (physical health, relationships, mental and emotional health) was something less than successful. Disastrous perhaps.
Anyway... the first day we met I asked him lots of questions about his company. He loved that. (It's good to cover the good stuff first... blokes like that! Get them comfortable, build their confidence). He was in his element; the highly-capable, successful entrepreneur. He was answering all of my (business) questions with confidence and calmness. Facts, figures, stats.. you name it, he could reel them off.
Here's a conversation we had early in our first session (just after the 'good' stuff):
"So Dave, does your organisation have a mission statement?" "Yep." "Do you know it off by heart?" "Of course." "Can you share it with me?" "Sure."
He then proceeded to recite his company's mission statement, word for word, no stumbles and no mistakes (it was maybe 250 words). It was a very impressive and well-thought-through declaration.
"Mmm, powerful stuff... who wrote that?" "Me." "Wow, I'm impressed." "So when it comes to your 'corporate self' and what your company is all about, you seem to have it nailed... tell me about you away from work."
"What do you want to know." "Well, I'd like to know what Dave's Personal Mission Statement is?" "What do you mean?" "Well, you told me all about your company's purpose... it's reason for being, it's values and philosophy... what do you think your purpose is? Other than being a business man, who and what is Dave's mission in life? What are you here for? Why do you exist?"
All of a sudden the confident, successful, articulate business man was tongue-tied, moving uneasily in his seat and clearly uncomfortable.
"How am I meant to answer that?"
He couldn't answer me then and there but he did conclude that what defined him, his purpose, his reason for being... wasn't to make money. Sometimes finding out what our purpose is starts with identifying what it isn't.
I saw him weekly for about three months and his 'homework' for the first week was to write his own personal mission statement. His simple task (to write his mission statement) took a month! I've never seen anyone work so hard or put so much effort into writing two hundred (or so) honest, insightful, life-defining words. It was a massive personal journey for him to start questioning who he was and what he was about when we took away all his 'stuff'.
The truth is that many of us (on some level) don't know why we exist. Our purpose, what our life is all about; our mission statement. Sure we know how we exist... we eat, we sleep, we work, we breathe, we interact, we get sick, we age.. But is that it?
Periodically we get glimpses of our purpose and our potential, we have moments... we get a little a little excited about what our life could be... and then somehow we let the reality, the messy-ness and the monotony of life suck that excitement and hope out of us. Some of us feel like we're simply going through the motions for eighty years or so...and then we fall off the perch. Surviving not thriving.
Tragically, many of us let situations, circumstances, events and other people define us. We let things and people tell us who we are and what we're about.
I've seen way too many gifted, intelligent, creative people live a life of frustration, disappointment and sadness because they let circumstances and people rob them of what could be. To step out of other people's expectations and pressure takes guts... but we need to do it if we really want to establish who we are, what we're about and what this life will mean for us.
* Don't let anyone or any thing define you... who you are, your beliefs, values, goals; your life purpose. Being influenced by external forces is normal... being defined by them is tragic. Use other people for feedback, guidance, direction and support but don't let them tell you what your purpose is or who you are. Only you can (should) decide that.
I don't care if it's your psychologist, your pastor, your rabbi, your parents, your doctor or your partner, your life-coach or your guru, don't let them define you. Don't let them write your mission statement for you.
Don't let anyone tell you who or what you should be or become. Listen to them, consider their perspective, be respectful... but think, decide and do for yourself. One of the problems is that some of us constantly look to others for approval and validation... we want to become the person we're expected to be.
One of Dave's (from our story) biggest challenges was that he had parents, family and peers who expected him to do and be a certain way. Underneath the businessman confidence and bravado was a fourteen year-old who still needed approval and still wanted to please and impress those he respected and loved.
But in all of that he lost his identity.
He subsequently made many changes (internal and external) in his life and became a much happier, more balanced and more fulfilled individual... he discovered who he was and what he was about (he's still learning as we all are).
And no, he didn't sell his company, give away all his money and become a monk. But he did get a new perspective, he did shock a few people (big deal) and he did ruffle some feathers.
Ruffle away, I say.
Sometimes we need to stop, step back from the busy-ness, the repetition and the 'same-ness' of our reality and decide who we are and what our life is about.
Our Mission Statement.
What's yours?
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Hi Guys... no post (as such) today but I'll be back on the job tomorrow.
A little frantic here at the Harperdome and Gecko (the kid's gym). The last few days I've been busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking competition... (busy!) Thought you may want to take a little peak at a TV segment I did yesterday on Network Ten talking about kids and exercise. Not incredibly exciting television but thought some of you may find the 'kid's fitness' discussion interesting and relevant....
I would also like your thoughts on a few things:
1) Measuring and weighing kids - should we (ever)?
2) Getting kids active and keeping them that way.
3) Should sport be compulsory at school and if yes, up until what year?
4) Solutions, thoughts, ideas, suggestions on the whole childhood obesity thing.
5) Are parents to blame? Part blame?
6) The role (responsibility?) of schools in this process?
Hope you're all well.
Live, Laugh, Love and Learn,
Craig.
Double click on the big 'play' button in the middle of the video below:
I remember my first 'public speaking' gig about twenty years ago. Unfortunately.
It was a massive affair(!) ...I was doing a lecture to twelve students who were completing their fitness instructor accreditation. I had to talk for one hour. I spent two weeks preparing. Every day for those two weeks I wrote notes, re-wrote notes, planned, visualised, rehearsed (in my head) and generally stressed. For the amount of time, effort and preparation I put in, I probably earned about seventy five cents per hour for the whole experience.
Oh yes... I had surely arrived as a public speaker. An orator of some note. Not. It's fair to suggest that Tony Robbins was in no immediate danger.
The big day came and I arrived at the venue (a health club) forty five minutes early (can't be too careful when it comes to traffic delays). I sat in my car and hyper-ventilated. I studied my volumes of notes. Again. I was so nervous I could actually feel the pulse in the side of my neck. I went inside and walked straight to the change rooms. I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself. I looked a little pastey. Grey, perhaps. My light blue shirt was now a nice blend of light.. and dark blue.
Yes, that's right; the world's most nervous man had sweated himself into a frenzy. I looked like I'd just run a half-marathon... in business pants, slip-on shoes and a shirt.
Attractive.
So, there I was... standing in front of the mirror, back-stroking in my own body fluids, looking at the sweat patches extending from my armpits to my hips, trying to figure out how on earth I was gonna dry my shirt, stop sweating, get my heart rate under one fifty and not freeze in front of my massive audience.
Very cool. Let's just say that my confidence wasn't at an all-time high at this point.
So I took my shirt off (I had no option) and decided to commandeer the only hand dryer (shirt dryer) in a pathetic attempt to address the sweat factor... four minutes later I'm standing half naked in a public washroom with a semi-dry shirt, looking like some kinda weirdo, vagrant... when the guy who was employing me to speak, walked in.
"Man, I've been looking for you."
Perfect.
So instantly my anxiety had two friends; humiliation and embarrassment.
After stumbling my way through some lame-ass explanation of my semi-nude state, my 'employer' hesitantly marched me up the corridor to meet my class.
He gave me some under-whelming introduction (understandably) and left the room. My stomach churned, my mouth went dry and my heart rate hit four hundred and twenty five. I turned to my vast audience and smiled. Not one person smiled back. Not one! My heart rate hit six hundred and fifteen. I felt my armpits spring into action.
For the next hour I bumbled, stumbled and sweated my way through, what will go down as, one of history's worst displays of public speaking. You probably think I'm gonna say I was crap; I actually wasn't.
I wish I was crap.
Crap would have been an improvement. In fact, following my first effort... crap was my goal.
Before the lecture one of my friends suggested that I should make the session interactive to take some pressure and attention off me being the only one speaking.... good idea.
In theory.
So after a fifteen minute sweaty monologue, I've opted for the old:
"Okay guys, any questions.... thoughts.....? "Anything!" "Please". "Someone".
Absolute donuts. They gave me.... nuthin!.
A sea of blank faces (well twelve of them anyway).
After my less-than impressive(!) debut I was packing up and everyone except one girl had left. She walked toward me and for one delusional moment, I thought she might put my mind at ease and tell me I wasn't so bad.
"You haven't done that before have you?" "No.. does it show?" "Yep." "Err, okay... anything else?" "You talk too fast."
My overall emotion was starting to move from a general sickness, to more of a full-body numbness.
"Alrighty... thanks for the feedback. See you next week." "Oh, do we have you next week too?" "Yes, you have me for the next five weeks."
"Oh."
And with those words of encouragement, she took her books and my remaining self-esteem and left.
Since that day I have done thousands of talks, worked on several continents, delivered numerous corporate presentations, University lectures, workshops, hosted hundreds of radio shows and made many TV appearances.
Amazingly.
So.... I finished my teaching commitment with my twelve students and over the course of the six weeks my speaking performance moved from... atrocious.... to crap.... to mediocre. I was so happy to be mediocre.
I changed from the light blue (how-much-can-one-man-sweat?) shirt to the black (doesn't-show-the-sweat) T-Shirt, learned to control my nerves a little, got my heart rate under three hundred and slowly began to develop my public speaking skills. To say it was an uncomfortable and confronting process would be a massive understatement.
It was nerve-wracking. And fantastic. I hated it. And loved it. I learned about people. And about me.
Tomorrow (Thursday) morning I have one of my regular TV gigs on Network Ten here in Australia. I will talk to 400,000 people live and will have way less nerves and way more fun than when I taught those twelve fitness students twenty years ago. This weekend I will do nine hours of live talkback radio on two different stations... and have a ball.
I don't tell you any of this to impress you, but rather, to impress upon you that we can all do and create amazing (whatever our amazing is) when we take chances, get uncomfortable, put our ass on the line, persevere and stop running away from fear.
I'm also not suggesting that anyone needs to become a public speaker, motivator or coach (or anything that Craig Harper does).... this story is about dealing with and overcoming the fear that destroys lives and breaks spirits.
As I've said before, a certain level of fear is healthy (smart even) but a life limited, or even controlled by fear is tragic... and too many (lives) are.
So go and find your twelve people to stand in front of... and start speaking.
You never know what might happen.
* Say hi and let us know where you're from
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Welcome to 2007; the time when more people than ever, with absolutely no medical conditions or sicknesses, are taking themselves off to the operating theatres of the world and paying rich surgeons a fortune to be sliced, diced, nipped, tucked, sucked, stretched and implanted. To be beautiful. Hot. Or more attractive, at the very least. New and improved. Popular. Noticed. A surgical path to happiness.
Perhaps we should forget the wrinkles around our eyes and get the doctor to take a look at our brain while we're on the table?
Somehow, on some level, some people (okay, many) have bought into the disturbing belief that if they have less wrinkles, less sag, more perk, less fat and skin and perhaps a different nose, they will be happier and more fulfilled. Their life will be better.
They must have (bought into it)... otherwise, why would they risk their life (all surgery is a calculated risk) and pay a fortune to do it? People who are already in debt are so desperate to be 'enhanced' that they are taking out more loans to undergo cosmetic surgery.
Somewhere along the line they (we) have been programmed to believe that:
Certain physical appearance = Attractiveness = Desirability = Happiness.
We bought into the lie. How do we un-learn this crap when we live in a society which constantly screams at us that beauty equals success? See any movie, watch any TV show, read any magazine; it's all about being gorgeous. At all costs.
Even the TV show 'Ugly Betty' is all about the unlikely situation of a less-than-glamorous girl with eyebrows like a muppet trying to survive in the beautiful, bitchy, glam world of the fashion magazine. And while many viewers identify with the character and feel for her (perhaps because they see some of themselves in Betty).... and want to give her a big old hug, I haven't spoken to anyone who actually wants to look like her. While on one level the show is seemingly all about seeing the underdog overcome adversity in a pretentious world (yay), on another level it teaches us that the ugly girl will struggle, will get the dorky ugly boyfriend and will have to work harder than the pretty girls to achieve the same outcome... and she will be ridiculed and disadvantaged because she's not pretty enough (boo). If it were true that beauty equated to success, then surely all models and Hollywood Hotties would be universally happy, fulfilled, balanced and emotionally healthy little campers; clearly this is not the situation. In fact, they would be the happiest.... because they are the most beautiful. Apparently.
One of the challenges of my job (my company facilitates over 1,500 Personal Training sessions every week) is to help people (who are going through physical changes) keep perspective... that is, not throwing all of their eggs in the 'physical' basket while simultaneously neglecting their psychological, emotional and spiritual selves. Some people are surprised that an exercise scientist (a bloke who owns a couple of gyms) would spend more time working with people on the head and heart stuff than he would, the physical.
I do this because I know that (long-term) satisfaction, happiness, fulfilment and joy never comes from the physical (it can be part of, but never the total solution). I understand that appearance (beauty) has very little to do with long-term 'success'. In fact I don't really care too much about my clients appearance... but I do care about how they feel and function; their overall health. While I do care about their cholesterol, their blood sugar, their body-fat levels, their posture, their diet and their cardio-vascular health (the physical stuff)... I care more that they understand that, while it's great to be in shape and look good... our body isn't who we are.. it's just where we live.
Sorry if I'm gettin' a little weird on you but I think that most of us agree that we are complex, multi-dimensional, psychological, emotional and spiritual beings who roam this big blue ball for eighty years or so in this physical body... and then once we die we... okay, that's another post!
So when our body becomes our identity (and it does for many people) then we're in trouble. When our confidence, our self-esteem and our emotional state (and happiness) are dependant on our weight, our wrinkle factor or some other physical variable... then we're on a path to misery, frustration and desperation... and I have seen many (attractive) people become more and more preoccupied with, and miserable about, their appearance over time than you could imagine.
If I had ten bucks for every time someone told me:
"If only I could lose.... kilos (pounds) I'll be happy."
"If only I could lose just five more, then I'd be okay."
I'd be loaded!
The problem is that they lose the weight, get the nose job, get the fat sucked... and they're really happy. For five minutes. Then they wake up one day (not long after) and realise that all of those issues... are still there. And all of a sudden they understand the futility of trying to address internal issues with an external solution.
I spent years as a young bodybuilder trying to achieve physical perfection (or as best I could with my genetics) because I had some stupid belief (on some level) that if only I looked like some kinda cartoon character; got my arms and back big enough, my waist small enough, my shoulders wide enough and my body-fat low enough... life would be great, girls would dig me, blokes would respect me... and I would be happy.
I did (get the body) and I wasn't (happy).
A big wake-up call was had by the bloke with the veins and biceps... and a life-long exploration into 'real success' and 'real beauty' began.
* Tell me your story or thoughts on the beauty issue.
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So... I think I'm gonna get the bald man to develop a new little 'motivational' feature for the site.
It works like this: every time someone visits craigharper.com who hasn't actually used (done something with, take action on) something that they've learned in their last five visits to our site, they will automatically receive a low voltage shock through their keyboard... not a 240 volt life-ender... just a little 6 or 12 volt tickle of the fingers...waddya think? We all know fear's a great motivator right?
...Waddya mean, no? Aaah you guys... so predictable. Alright back to the drawing board. Perhaps a big hand that reaches out through the screen and shakes you by the.... Mmm, perhaps not. Okay, leave it with me.
One of my biggest challenges and frustrations (if not the biggest) of my work is not providing people with the appropriate information, education, inspiration, direction, advice, feedback or support.... it's actually getting them to stop thinking about it, talking about it, planning for it, fretting about it... and getting them to actually do something now.
Anything! Like right now. Getting people to consistently be pro-active (doers) is the hardest part of my job.
They're always about to do it. Never actually doing it.... but oh, so close.
When I do a corporate talk, no matter how great the presentation goes or how much positive feedback I get, I know that the majority of the people (who have all indicated during the session that they desire change in their life) won't create any lasting change because they won't use (consistently do something with) what they've learned (heard) during the presentation. And this frustrates me because I'm not about their entertainment or amusement, I'm about positive change... a better life (whatever that is for them). Yes, I want them to enjoy the 'me' experience but what I want more... is for them to stop talking about what they want in their life... and to start creating it.
I have a friend who is perpetually perusing sites such as this (he regularly reports in and gives me his rating on my latest post), always reading another life-changing book (books don't change lives; people do) and continually listening to his favourite self-help gurus in the car.
He also attends somewhere between five and ten 'change-your-life-forever' or 'become-a billionaire-by-next-Tuesday' or 'learn-how-to-become-financially-independent-by-selling-this-amazing-fat-burning-herb-from-the-Amazon'.... programs per year.
He's intelligent, talented, and educated.... and he's also fearful, lazy, rarely starts things, never finishes anything and is always 'two inches' away from some massive breakthrough. Not. If only he'd take his head out of his... new book, change his behaviour, get pro-active, plan less and do more (do anything, in fact), he'd be way closer to where he wants to be (if not already there).
But he doesn't. He talks about it. A lot. He's full of crap, lies to himself and is delusional. Am I being harsh? No, honest. He's consumed more self-help literature in the last decade than is healthy and still he finds 'reasons' (excuses) to do nothing.
Yes, I've spoken to him about this post and no, he's not offended or grumpy at me because I've told him all this in person. He knows. We all know. Deep down.
Too many of us spend too much of our life stuffing around not doing the things we know we should. We talk about what we want and how we're going to get it... we just never seem to do it. We talk oursleves into innactivity. We continue to find new and interesting reasons for not changing.
We delude ourselves that we'll do it soon.. but for some very logical reason (of course) now... is never the time. We know we're full of it, those closest to us know it... but we get pretty good at living a lie.
We avoid change because we are fearful but at the same time, we never do anything to get strong (like making those decisions, taking risks, getting uncomfortable). Ironically, it's the change process (the one we avoid)... that makes us strong. We're smart, we're informed, we've done the whole self-help thing... we even have the answers for our friends... but when it comes to us... we're perpetually treading water and spinning our wheels.
So, here's your challenge for today (or tomorrow, if it's too late tonight):
Do something in the next twelve hours that you know you should have done before now.
Make a decision, take some action, change a behaviour, make a phone call, say sorry to someone, give up a habit....do SOMETHING to create real change.
FOREVER change.
You've 'almost' done so many things, why not break the cycle now? I know it's probably not convenient, practical or easy now.... but perhaps it's necessary. Perhaps it will change your life.
Perhaps you will change your life.
Tony Robbins, Steven Covey, Dale Carnegie, Napoleon Hill, Craig Harper or any 'Coach' will not change your life because 'all' they (we) do is provide information and inspiration (a good thing... but of itself, not enough). It always comes down to doing (not knowing). It always comes down to you.
Know that staying in the same situation, or moving towards amazing is a choice and right now you can choose different. Or the same. You can get up tomorrow with the same mindset, the same thinking and the same behaviours, making the same excuses (no, they're not reasons) and do what you've always done or... you can think, do and be... different.
As I've said before; if nothing changes, nothing changes. Tomorrow you can do what you've always done... and nobody will really take any notice... or you can be different. You can create momentum right now. If you choose.
Yes, the journey between where you are and where you want to be might not always be easy but the journey is where we develop the skills, strength and attitude to succeed and the rewards are incredible...
And if it's 'easy' you're after... then you best change your goal from amazing to average.
If it was easy to create amazing, everybody would do it. It isn't... and they don't.
Will you? Or will you just keep talking about it?
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While I consider myself to be the ultimate motorbike-riding, gym-owning, shaved head, big-bicepped (made that word up) Alpha Male Warrior, I have, on several occasions (okay, many) been known to experience.... fear (please keep this between us as I wouldn't want the girls to find out and possibly think I'm weak... or worse, human).
And while I'm getting things off my chest, I've got a few other confessions:
I've been wr..wr..wr... wrong (there, I said it)... on numerous occasions. Hard to believe, I know.
I've cried... and not because a bug flew in my eye or I was cutting onions (I know you're losing respect for me by the minute).
I've expressed my emotions to another human being (crazy I know).
I've had a conversation with another male about relationships and feelings (surprisingly, neither of us spontaneously combusted).
Anyway, I thought I'd drop you all a line because it has come to my attention that there exists wide-spread confusion about (1) the role of the male of the species and (2) acceptable and expected behaviour of the male... and who better to clarify such issues for all mankind than the ex-fat kid who cries through chick flicks.
Unlike the DVD player or the microwave oven, it seems that we blokes come with neither an instruction manual, or any form of warranty. Sure, there have been a few 'how-to' guides for men... but take a look around, they're clearly not having the desired impact; maybe only the girls are reading them!
And not unlike other 'household appliances', we have so many 'features' and capabilities that we never even test drive... or know how to use (the sympathy, the apology and the humility capabilities, just to name a few). Most of us are kind of like those mobile (cell) phones with two thousand features... but all we do is make and receive calls... 'cause we have absolutely no clues how to use the thing properly!
My extensive(!) research tells me that some of the younger males of the species have been receiving mixed messages and lessons from the elder males of the tribe who are often confused, uneducated, emotionally dysfunctional, sick puppies themselves. And with role models and mentors such as these, what hope is there for our future Alpha Males to be well-balanced, emotionally healthy, loving, caring men? Assets to society?
When Junior 'learns' from his father that it's okay to scream at mum(mom) he receives a (bad) lesson in human behaviour, relationships and being a husband. And when he gets taught that same lesson over and over for years it makes sense that eventually he embraces dear old dad's mentality and communication style... and so the dysfunction, the destruction and the pain continue.
While I'm still a work in progress, it has been my pleasure to consult with thousands of blokes over the years working through all kinds of issues ranging from lowering body-fat, to learning to deal with criticism, to learning to become a more effective communicator, to learning to cope with and overcome all types of fears.
There's not a bloke on the planet who doesn't experience fear... but for some strange reason we men seem compelled to regularly demonstrate how fearless we are. I've even heard men brag how they are.... afraid of nothing.
"Mate, nothing scares me."
Always remember this wise old proverb:
"Show me someone who has no fear.. and I'll show you an idiot." (C.Harper, 2007)
Well... all 'wise old proverbs'.... have to be new proverbs at some stage.
No, we don't want to be controlled by fear but there are times when fear is 'normal' (even sensible) and it's okay to acknowledge that fear... and no, that acknowledgement does not put our manliness into question. Clearly some men confuse stupidity with bravery or toughness.
Just watch Jackass Two.
And now we have young men all across the world demonstrating how effectively they can mimic their Jackass heroes by putting themselves through massive physical pain and mutilating themselves in front of their buddies... to be just like their famous role models.
So clever. And fearless. We are a society which teaches and condones stupidity.
"Hey don't ask me about my anger issues or my fears or insecurities... but watch me put this massive fishing hook through my cheek and watch me shoot this rocket out of my ass."
If only I wasn't telling the truth, it would be amusing. Sadly, it is true and it is tragic.
Okay, so we're not going to 'fix' this issue with one small article (post) but I thought we could start with somesimple guidelines of acceptable and unacceptable 'bloke behaviour'.
Here we go:
1.Crying - good, healthy even. If you're crying all day, every day; not good.
2.Punching people who disagree with you - not good (as a rule).
3. Being scared occasionally - normal, healthy.
4. Abusing people in traffic (although not only a male behaviour) - not good.. and not surprisingly, achieves nothing but stress.
5. Threatening people - stupid, immature, unnecessary... actually a sign of weakness.
6. Admitting you don't know something - very good. While a rarity in testosterone land, it actually shows a sign of confidence, maturity and good self esteem. Give it a go... it's liberating.
7. A compulsion to show people how physically strong, athletic, co-ordinated and tough you are - pathetic and embarrassing.
8. Admitting you are wrong - good. Don't rationalise it, justify it or explain it... just go the humility route and say "I am wrong, sorry." End of story. Simple, but rare. When we admit that we are wrong but then endeavour to justify it... we ruin the moment.
9. Holding a conversation about something other than sport - good. If you can actually incorporate some dialogue about your feelings and emotions, even better. If the conversation lasts for more than three minutes and you are completely honest; bonus points.
10. Reading the paper while your partner pours out her heart to you - not good. Stupid, in fact. Potentially dangerous.
11. Man hugging. Good. Healthy to a point. Personally not a fan of excessive whisker on whisker contact.... but overall it shows a certain level of emotional maturity. Many blokes will run into a burning building to save their buddy but never tell the same buddy how they feel about him or demonstrate any affection. "Don't be stupid Craig, he just knows."
12. Farting - good. Healthy. Hilarious. Doesn't matter how old you are; farts are always funny. (Didn't expect that did you girls... and by the way, why are you reading this; it's for us blokes!)
If you have any additional suggestions that you feel might be of some benefit to us blokes of the species.... drop us a line and let us know where you're from (you know the drill).
P.S. Stay tuned girls... I may write a letter to you next. Or not. (I'm scared now).
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I was twenty-six, young, dumb and full of... enthusiasm and hope. My first employee was a young trainer named Matt. He was nineteen, good looking, built like superman and had the personality and the charisma to match.
He was cheeky and very lovable. He was like the younger brother I never had (I'm an only child). I took him under my wing and mentored him and in return, he became a great trainer, ate all my food and made me laugh. Between the two of us we had no business skills, no admin or management skills and overall... no real clues about running or growing a company. Lots of enthusiasm and hope, not much else. It was enough.
We bluffed and fluffed our way through our first year in business and Matty and I spent the best part of twelve hours per day together; we trained together, ate breakfast and lunch together, spoke about the meaning of life and all of the relative variables, discussed the many complexities and attractions of the female of the species and got to know and understand each other well. We even went to the States together for a training/working holiday... essentially, an excuse to visit lots of gyms, have fun and chase girls. I think we called it a research trip.
It would be fair to say that I loved him and cared for him like a brother.
We had amazing times together and I loved it that he never had 'bad' days. He was never grumpy, rude or unpleasant to be around. He had boundless energy and it was always a joy to be with. The girls loved him and the guys wanted to be him.
You may have gathered by my use of the past tense, that Matty is no longer with us.
One day I was at work and the phone rang. On the other end was a client of mine who is an intensive care nurse. She was crying so much that I could hardly understand what s
