This site is the website of motivational speaker Craig Harper. A constantly updated, one-stop information, inspiration, education and motivation station. Unlike many similar sites, it is a totally free resource for anyone who is serious about moving from mediocre to amazing in any area of their personal or professional life. With hundreds of articles covering a wide range of subject matter, great interviews with cool people and inspirational video posts, there's more than enough brain-food to keep you busy for hours. Okay, days!!
Enjoy.
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Life Coach
Melbourne - Craig Harper
If
you are interested in maximizing your potential,
stepping out of that 'holding pattern' and being
privately coached by Craig click here.
Business Coach Melbourne -
Craig Harper
If you're a personal trainer, gym owner or studio owner
who is interested in growing your business and/or your
career, then mentoring with Craig could be a valuable
part of your overall success strategy and professional
development journey.
Biological Age Testing
- Craig Harper
In a recent test, Jan Frazer, who has a chronological age (the
number of years she's been on the planet) of 67 did a biological
age test which showed she has the body of a 37 year old female.
Pretty Impressive! How old is your body! Find out here.
Nutrition Melbourne -
Craig Harper
Many nutritional
experts are confusing people with jargon and pseudo-science.
Craig's HPN Service provides remote access to Craig's Director
of Nutrition to cut through the dietary confusion and
contradiction.
Public Speaking Melbourne - Craig Harper If you've ever
thought about becoming a professional speaker or
improving your public speaking then you can be privately
coached here.
Fattitude
- Craig Harper
While many books focus on food,
Craig Harper teaches that creating life-long change is more about the
dieter, than the actual diet. This book is perfect for people who have a
history of 'almost' getting in shape.
DVD
or CD - Renovate Your Body - Craig Harper In this entertaining presentation, Craig discusses the
notion of Renovating Your Body - once and for all. Many of us have a curious
ability to be able to get in shape for events (weddings, parties, reunions
and birthdays), if only we'd get in shape for life.
Motivational t-shirt designs
Katrina provides her own range of clothing including some cool t-shirt designs with Craig's motivational messages at Funkyas.
Craig Harper is a leading
motivational speaker
and educator. He is a highly
sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be
a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and
professional development. Working with hundreds of
teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations
on numerous continents over the last twenty years
has given Craig a unique insight into, and
understanding of, human performance and all its
variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire,
challenge and make people laugh all at the same
time!
For those of you who have been asking for the watchable (vs the readable) post... we can all blame you; clearly I'm no Brad Pitt, George Clooney or Matt Damon.
Or even Danny DeVito.
This post is a trial.. it could be the first of many.. or it could be one of those great ideas that never quite worked and slid quietly into cyber-obscurity ... kind of like the DeLorean of the blogosphere.
The production quality is not exactly Hollywood (waddya expect on a four dollar budget) ... the sound is average, the lighting is 5 out of 10 and Johnnie wouldn't let me wear make-up (he did allow the stilletos though).. so I'm not pretty at all... other than that... it's fantastic.
Seriously, take a peek, let us know what you think... they should only get better from here. Perhaps not.
If you're an overseas visitor I hope you can understand my extremely sophisticated(!) Australian accent.... enjoy.
Double click the big 'Play' button on the video and leave us your comments.
* Blunt, offensive, politically-incorrect Craig wanted to call this article.... "Get That Shit Done" but it doesn't sound nearly as mystical, sophisticated or clever as "The Art of Completion".. does it? So boring, let's-keep-everyone-happy Craig has gone for the soft option. Oh well. Next time.
Like many of you, my life is busy Okay, crazy. But crazy in a fun and rewarding kind of way.
That craziness means that I regularly need to rely on other people to get certain things done so that I can keep moving forward with the various projects, businesses and endeavours that I'm involved in. And because of that necessity (to rely on others to get things done), I have had to develop a unique skill; the skill of being able to identify the people who can and will consistently and efficiently get things done no matter what... People who I know will navigate and negotiate the speed humps, deal with the inevitable challenges and find a way to complete what I have asked them to do.
It's a tough gig let me tell you, because these Gems... are few and far between.
My experience tells me that, while the majority talk about doing things, the minority actually get them done (start, adapt, improvise, persevere, finish).
A decision we all need to make at some stage of our journey is which group we will be in; the majority who talk about it, or the minority who consistently finish what they start - those who get the job done... always.
In the various capacities of my career, I have spent much of the last twenty five years watching people start, but not finish a wide range of endeavours... People who would hand over their hard-earned cash for a one year membership at a gym and then subsequently show up three times. At about four hundred bucks per visit, that's some expensive bench pressing. They make a decision (to change a behaviour) and then don't follow through.
In a way, gym owners rely on the fact most people won't (typically) follow through with their intentions or plans. They (gym owners) know that most people will make a decision, start the process and then, for a range of reasons, lose momentum, gradually decrease attendance and then stop all together... but fortunately for the gym owner, the same person will front up in a year (or so) and repeat the process because they "are serious this time".
Yep, sure you are. Sign here Dumbo.
Some of you might think that I'm being a bit harsh and/or condescending, that's not my intention at all. I'm simply describing what happens thousands and thousands of times every year in this country (and many others). That's just what people do.
Imagine the mayhem and chaos if gyms with five thousand plus members (which many of them have) had a one hundred percent attendance record (most gyms have about fifteen percent!). Mmm... could make for an interesting spin class or weights session. And let's not even talk about the car-parking or the child minding situation.
Imagine if everybody actually did what they said they would...
Every day I talk to people who have the ability and the potential to create forever change yet, for a range of reasons, they never seem to finish what they start. They have a history of almost getting things done. A history of starting, but not maintaining or finishing. A history of thinking about it, talking about it but not actually (consistently) doing it.
I'm actually surprised that there's not more written on this subject (the art of completion) because without doubt the number one obstacle to creating forever results is our inability to finish what we start; our inability to persevere and persist.
I learned early in my career that I would need to make up for my lack of talent with attitude and perseverance... I couldn't control how much ability I had but I could control whether or not I threw in the towel or persevered... so when most people got bored, tired, uncomfortable or fearful... I hung in there (mostly). I knew that if I was going to create my own version of amazing, then it would have to come as a result of me doing what most people wouldn't... finish stuff.
Some of us will spend our entire life starting endeavours which we will never complete. Great at starting, crap at finishing.
We start reading a book; we don't get past chapter two (the vast majority of people who start reading books don't finish them). We start a running program; we last two weeks - I know people who have started and stopped fifty running programs in their lifetime. We have a great business idea.... we don't do anything with it. And then when someone else takes 'our idea' and turns it into a reality, we sulk for three months and feel ripped off... when in reality, the only person who short-changed us was... us!
We start a diet on Monday (apparently it's illegal to start on any other day), we're done by Wednesday. On January 1 this year, 4 million Australians (that's twenty percent of our population) started a diet (according to media stats). I don't have the figures on how long the majority of those dieters stayed with their resolution but here's my educated guess... not long!
They didn't finish what they started.
So wadda we do?
1.Don't start something you can't or won't finish. Why handicap yourself before you begin by taking on something which is unrealistic and not maintainable in the long term. It's great to think big and to be ambitious but it's also great to still be doing 'it' (whatever it is) a year from now.
2. Don't make reactive, emotional decisions. Okay, so last night at that party someone said you've put on a few pounds.... that doesn't mean you need to run fifteen miles today.... after ten years of no exercise. That's not a good way to create forever change, it's actually a good way to tear a hamstring or have a heart attack... or both.
3. Understand what's involved. "Wow, nobody told me it would be this hard." I'm always surprised by the volume of people who want to get into Personal Training because they want an 'easy' job which generates sixty bucks an hour. If working from 5am to 9pm and dealing with some very interesting egos, attitudes and personalities is your idea of easy, then sign up!
4. Don't throw it in because the process is not fun, easy or convenient. I know I've hammered the deal-with-the-discomfort message many times but people often don't finish what they start because of the discomfort factor. Change your attitude, stop being precious, tough it out and do what the majority won't; finish the job.
Or as rude, offensive Craig would say: "just get that shit done once and for all!"
* Say hi and let us know where you're from.
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One of the many ironies of our existence here on the big blue ball is that, while most of us really want to experience 'different', we consistently do 'the same'.
Unknowingly and unintentionally we create the same, almost every day of our lives.
We want different... but we get up each day and do exactly what we did yesterday, the day before, the month before and sadly (sometimes), the year before.
Some of us have been doing what we don't really want to do for years... hoping that different (whatever our desired different is) might somehow 'find' us.
We create our own monotony and repetition; our own 'same-ness'.
And when we do the same (as we all do at times), we get the same (or worse).
Same experiences. Same frustrations. Same mistakes. Same complications. Same body (fitness, health, appearance). Same income. Same job (forever). Same discussions about the same issues. Same pointless arguments with the same people. Same decisions that we never follow through on. Same destructive habits. Same negative thought processes. Same painful, unhealthy relationships.
We often tell ourselves that we have had no choice and that nobody understands our situation... or hasn't gone through what we have. Another 'reason' (justification, explanation) for staying where we don't want to be and for continuing to do and be... the same.
If we try hard enough we can rationalise and explain virtually anything we do... or don't do.
Now might be a good time to stop... waddya think?
You've heard it said before on this site (and many others) that "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting (or hoping for) a different outcome."
We all know it's dumb... but we continue to do it!
You do it; you know you do. We all do it on some level.
You just need to decide if you're going to stop it.
The problem with same is that in some ways it's familiar and comfortable; we know what's coming, it's not too scary or daunting. But at the same time, it's not (necessarily) rewarding, stimulating, exciting, fun or fulfilling. In fact, living in a constant state of same-ness often leads to frustration, unhappiness, depression and despair. Different (doing, thinking, being, acting, choosing, communicating, reacting) on the other hand is often daunting and uncomfortable (and amazing and fantastic) ... and being as we are creatures of comfort (and habit)... some of us will inhabit same... for much, if not all of our boring, predictable, repetitious lives.
Lesson 1. If you want to experience different, YOU need to create it. That's right... you. Not your therapist, not your partner, not your parents, not your doctor, not Oprah, not Dr. Phil and definitely not me.
It's all about YOU.
We tell ourselves it's about a range of things... but it always comes back to us. Even if we are in a difficult and undesirable situation or circumstance... it still comes down to what we do... in that situation or circumstance. Some of us spend years going around in circles doing the same things and waiting for someone, or something, to fix us. Ain't gonna happen Tiger.
Listen to Uncle Craig; get off that fluffy white cloud that you've been floating around on and step down into reality. If you choose to do that (different), you can create amazing change in a day... an hour even.
I've seen relationships that have been in turmoil for years, healed in an hour because someone got off their cloud, humbled themself, made a phone call, said sorry and decided to really listen to someone (possibly for the first time). Did something different. They realised that amazingly they were part of the problem (who would have thought?).
I've seen people who have lost fifty pounds in a relatively short period of time after screwing around for twenty years... because they finally took total responsibility, were prepared to get uncomfortable and prepared to stop looking for a quick fix or short cut. Prepared to do different (for real and forever). If right now you're in a situation or circumstance that you can do something about then ....make a different decision; one you've never made... but should have long ago. Deal with the discomfort and fear... it's how you grow, develop new skills and get strong. Shock yourself and others. Stop rationalising, explaining and justifying your same-ness and DO SOMETHING. Lesson 2. Stop waiting for different to 'happen' to you. Different is something we create. We determine what happens... despite the underlying theme of some Personal Development fluff, it's not about fate, destiny or chance; it's about you.
If I knew how to create a flow chart on a computer I'd do it now... but fortunately for you, I don't, so I'll keep my next message to a simple sentence; here it is:
* Different thinking (mindset, attitude, perspective) = different choices = different behaviours = different results = different reality (what we want).
So all 'forever' change starts in our head; if we don't change how we think, reason, process, rationalise and react.... we'll never create different.
Lesson 3. Our ability to create the 'different' we desire will be largely dependant on our ability to get uncomfortable... often.
We love comfort; emotional, physical and psychological comfort.
Many of us revolve much of our lives around the comfort factor.... but unfortunately, there's not always a correlation between comfort....... and joy, excitement, fulfillment, satisfaction and happiness. Most successful people have one thing in common, and no, it's not their talent or brains; it's their ability to deal with discomfort.
So, if you want to experience different... then think, choose and be different.
Create it.
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So.... I deviate from the Personal Development theme for one day, I write some mindless, silly, inane, comment on human behaviour and inappropriate kissing..... and I get inundated with comments and emails!
On the other hand, I write some deep, philosophical, life-changing, hugely insightful(?) masterpiece (it's my delusion; stay out of it) and I get donuts, zip, nada.... but chat about the smelly, kissy lady with the fish lips and you guys come out of the woodwork!
You should be ashamed. Clearly you all need professional help.
And to get out more.
A hobby maybe. Sailing perhaps.
Or archery.
Okay, so you have a penchant for ridiculous social commentary this week... well who am I to let you down?
So there I was today, minding my own business, when a lady that I trained ten years ago came into the centre. You know what I'm gonna say right? I know you'll think I'm fibbing to make a funny post.. but I'm not.
Not only did she try to kiss me on the lips but she held my wrist as she did it.
What the heck is that!!?
I felt violated.
I implemented my aversion tactic with limited success. I was chatting with my PA earlier today and she told me the key was the rapid head turn.
"Give them the cheek-only option", she told me. I didn't remember until the last minute and then it was almost too late.
She successfully kissed the corner of my mouth. Weirdo.
Sure that was freaky... but not as bad as what followed. As she talked to me she reached over and wiped off (with the side of her thumb) the lipstick that she had apparently left on my face.... and kept chatting.
What am I... six?
Anyway, it seems that the inappropriate social behaviour discussion is of interest to some folk, so let's finish this weird little tongue-in-cheek mini-series by taking a look at a few social habits that seem to annoy the crap out of most of us. Well, me anyway.
In no particular order, here they are:
1. People who constantly make the conversation about them. You might be talking about the weather and they come out with; "Oh yeh, that reminds me of the time when I was trekking across the Arctic circle...." They have an amazing skill to be able to somehow relate every discussion (no matter what the subject matter) back to themselves and their incredible (mostly fabricated) achievements. They've always done it bigger and better and they have a gift for making you feel like... you and your stories are somehow insignificant and inconsequential.
2. People who don't listen. They feign interest and even nod mid-conversation. They say things like "oh really"... but have no idea what you're talking about..... and you know they're totally looking at the girl who's getting into the taxi or they're looking over your shoulder at the game on TV.
The eyes always give it away. 3. People who talk louder than is appropriate for the situation. We know drunk people do this.. so we can kind of excuse them because they're a little out of control but I'm actually talking about those people who just don't get it. It's like they're the only person in the whole world who doesn't know how annoying they are. Unfortunately this is usually men. Why is that?
4. Inappropriate mobile (cell) phone use. The other day I was in an elevator with about ten people when a guy's phone rang. I wondered what he'd do... I didn't have to wonder for long; he answered the phone and proceeded to the talk at the top of his voice for thirty floors about his social life. I can't even begin to understand how someone can be so stupid, unaware and socially inept. He was.
5. People who talk with their mouth full... and periodically spit little projectiles (saliva or food) and just keep on talking. A few years ago I was at a party and was cornered by an overly enthusiastic fitness bunny who was just getting a little too excited telling me about her weight-loss and her life transformation. While I was happy for her success, I wasn't digging the combination of her masticating (look it up) and talking simultaneously. Needless to say, a rain coat and goggles would have been advantageous. For the entire conversation I could actually see what she was eating in various stages of breakdown. At one stage she actually lobbed a little ball of slag right on my bottom lip.
Charming.
6. People who can't smell their own body odour. ARE THEY KIDDING!!? I can smell the stench from fifty feet, yet they can't smell their arm pits from six inches. Do they have some massive sensory dysfunction? Do they spray Parmesan cheese under their pits instead of deodorant or what?
One of the down sides of owning a gym is the numerous stinky people who obviously missed that class on personal hygiene in grade seven. It's like something died inside their workout gear but nobody told them.
"Hey Dude, when's the funeral?"
"What funeral?"
"The one for the dead rat in your training shorts".
7. Guys (it's always guys) who think they're funny and amusing... when they're clearly not. At all. When some guy pipes up with "hey you guys, I've got a funny story"... run out of the building and don't look back. If you do get trapped, you'll notice that invariably they will start laughing at their own crap humour before the story or joke is complete in a pathetic attempt to encourage others to join in.
It never works.
8. People who always talk about how much things cost or what they earn. So not cool.
Embarrassing and sad.
"Okay your shoes cost five hundred dollars... that just makes you an idiot!"
9. People who know everything about everything. No matter what you're talking about.. they know all about it.
"Nuclear fusion?... sure no prob.. take a seat, I'll explain it to you."
They're strangely compelled to establish some kind of (perceived) intellectual superiority...
"Cellular physiology... sure, gotcha note pad ready?"
Well there you have it groovers; a few little social annoyances to ponder. Let us know your thoughts and feel free to add to the list.. (tell us where you're from too).
* Panic not you hard-core Personal Development junkies and seekers of truth, these past two posts are but blips of mirth and frivolity on the Self-Help landscape. The Personal Development police have contacted me, told me to stop being silly and to get on with the job of helping you all create your best life.
Tomorrow normal, responsible, grown up, 'Personal Development' Craig will be back....
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If you venture on to my home page and read my 'welcome', you'll note that I point out that some of the subject matter on this site is educational, some inspirational and some fits into neither category.
That would be this post.
Poor little post... has no category. No home.
More than likely, I will teach you nothing today. In fact, I'd be astounded if I did.
I'm actually hoping we might have a group discussion and that you can teach me something about the subject matter we're about to explore. If you've got your serious 'Personal Development' hat on and today's the day you're looking for some significant intellectual and emotional stimulation and growth... you're not gonna find it here; but you know what?... it's okay to stop taking ourselves so seriously for a day... and have a chuckle.
I said... and it's my site.
At work this afternoon I asked the questions I'm about to ask you to a few random people and I had a wide and varied range of responses. These questions were borne out of some strange experiences that I've had over the last few weeks and those experiences have generated some... 'interesting' responses from me.
But as one of my friends tells me "maybe you're the weird one Craig."
Weird Craig. I like that.
Did you know that a lot of weirdos have been incredibly successful people...apparently some weird, famous painter bloke hacked off his own ear.... And recently some weird, squillionaire, pop-star hacked off her own..... hair.
Mmmm, there's a post and a half right there. But I won't be writing it.
Okay, here are my questions:
Q1. Should we let people (other than our partner) kiss us on the lips? I don't mean in a passionate, let's-run-to-the-bedroom kind of way (we know that's not cool) ... I just mean AT ALL? 'Cause lately I've had a bunch of people who seem to be predisposed to significant lip action at the drop of a hat.... and I'm not diggin' it!
What's with that???
People who I hardly know, kissing me hello or goodbye... on the gob! (Australian for mouth). Uncalled for and occasionally, creepy. Invariably they have skinny, cold, fish lips.... and bad breath.
Why do they think I want that?
Not cool.
Q2. If the answer to Q1. is yes, then what are the guidelines? Who can partake of the lip-kiss...family, friends?... and for how long?... half a second, five seconds? And when does is become creepy and uncomfortable? Is there a book on this? Maybe I've got issues... but I'm not sure about people who kiss everyone on the lips.
Q3. Men greeting each other with a kiss? Now I know it varies from culture to culture, but what about in say.... Australia, Canada, the States, England? I know that I can (shock, horror) periodically err on the side of Alpha-Male-ness... but I typically pride myself on my emotional maturity and development(!). But I gotta say, I'm not (personally) a big fan of the male kiss.... the whole whisker on whisker thing doesn't do it for me. I know it's common place in Europe... but does that mean little old Aussie Craig has to embrace it?
Perhaps I should. Or not.
Q4. Men Hugging? Personally, I'm a big fan of the man hug.
I mean the real deal, I-love-you-and-you're-ace bear hug (not your gentle, affectionate, caressing kind of thing). Unfortunately, not too many of my buddies share my tactile enthusiasm.
Johnnie will hate me writing this (but I don't care 'cause by the time he reads this it will be published on the site)... but he HATES being hugged. He's got issues for sure. Big ones.
(And I ......obviously have none).
When I try and hug him, he threatens me with violence.... which makes me want to hug him more. Sometimes I chase him around the gym (for real).
I think deep down he's playing hard to get.
Or not.
Q5. Corporate kissing? Okay... I have lots of business meetings with lots of people. Often with women. When I meet with a female business acquaintance (who I know, but maybe haven't seen for a while) should I kiss her on the cheek or shake her hand?
Girls confuse me; some kiss, some shake. Some do nothing; they nod (what's with nodding?).
Some hug and kiss. I'm so confused. As I said, I asked these questions earlier today and I learned nothing. Everyone told me something different.
Clearly, I have much to learn. Maybe you can me help out.
I would love your input and thoughts... and by the way, feel free to comment on other people's comments and thoughts as well as my post.... and tell Johnnie to let me hug him.
And tell the creepy woman with the thin lips to leave me alone.
* Let us know where you're from.
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In yesterday's post we discussed the fact that some 'folk'... may, or may not, be an asset to the big wide world of Personal Development; people who dress like it, sound likeit and talk like it... but actually smell like something else.
We established that (like in any profession) there are people who operate with more or less honesty and integrity..... and that there are some who make a difference, some who make money and some who do both.
Today I thought we'd discuss (yes, it's a discussion; you can comment at the bottom!) some of the key Personal Development messages which are often taught (or inferred) that I personally struggle with, or disagree with completely. Personal Development fallacies, self-help myths; call them what you will .... but they inhabit the pages of many books and the teachings of many people who (I believe) should know better.
Personal Development Fallacy (PDF) 1: You deserve it! No you don't! You earn it. You create it.
Whether or not we achieve our goals or turn our dreams into reality has got nothing to do with what we deserve and everything to do with what we create. The problem with the 'you deserve it' philosophy is that we think success and happiness will somehow fall in our lap because the 'universe' owes us (more cosmic crap) and when it doesn't, we're disillusioned and feel sorry for ourselves. And while we're doing that, the smart ones are out there getting stuff done and reaping the rewards. If having our best life and 'living the dream' were all aboutgetting what we deserve, then we might have a tough time explaining why the majority of the world's population live in poverty. I don't think anyone deserves that.
PDF 2: Motivation is the key. No it's not. If motivation is the key, we're all doomed.... Because most of us fluctuate between 'pumped' and..."I can't be bothered" on a regular basis. Motivation is handy... it's an asset... it's great when it's there... but is it the key? Nuh. For most of us, 'motivation' is an emotional state we get into periodically. We 'feel' motivated. It comes and goes; that's normal. Successful people do what they need to do (to create the desired result) even when the 'feeling' of motivation ain't there. It certainly helps, but it isn't necessarily make or break.
Sometimes success is more about some very un-cool things like discipline, self-control, resilience, work ethic and determination.
Mmm.. that's not sexy; how can we sell that?
PDF 3: You can do anything. Sorry to be the voice of reason but... you can't.
You can do lots of amazing things and create incredible results in many areas of your life if you go about it the right way, but can you do anything if you set your mind to it? No.
It doesn't matter how positive I am, how great my attitude is or how well I train myself... I ain't running 100 metres in 8.0 seconds. Ever. And I'm never going to record a best-selling rock album. I wish.
Occasionally we need to navigate our way through the feel-good, mumbo-jumbo, meaningless, personal development fluff and get a little realistic and practical. It's great to be pumped, driven, positive and excited... but all of that emotion needs to have a practical plan attached to it. Too many people are told what they want to hear rather than the truth; they feel good for a while but long-term they end up back where they started. Or worse. Yes it's important that we're positive, glass-half-full people but it's also important that we understand the sometimes complex and uncomfortable realities of creating forever change.
PDF 4: Success is about what we can accumulate. While not too many gurus would come out and say as much, there exists in our culture a huge emphasis on our ability to accumulate wealth; money, properties, vehicles, toys. We all know this.
Successful people are rich; that's the message.
Of course there is nothing wrong with being wealthy but when there is a school of thought which teaches that 'success' is essentially about our financial worth, then maybe we need to re-assess. I've suggested many times on this blog that success is an internal thing (happiness, peace, joy, contentment) not an external thing (career, money, toys). It is about who we are, what we do and how we choose to live our life.. not about our net worth.
PDF 5: It's not your fault. Mmm... often it's (whatever it is) not our fault. Some things are beyond our control and we have little or no say in the situation or circumstance. However (of course that was coming), sometimes... it is our fault. We don't need to beat ourselves up for past mistakes but we do need to take responsibility for (many of) the realities of our life. If you weigh 400 pounds there's a fair chance you may have something to do with that! If you've never held a job for more than three weeks.... you again. Living in a world that tells you nothing is your fault is a dangerous, delusional place to be.
PDF 6: Always go with your gut. What if your gut is wrong? If you want your life to be a catastrophe, live your life by this rule. Sometimes our 'gut feeling' is little more than an emotional reaction to a situation or event; not always the best place to make a decision from. How about this: listen to your gut (factor it in), reason with your brain, consult with someone you trust..... and then make a decision. PDF 7: Always look after number one. Sometimes putting ourselves first is okay. Necessary even. But this is not to be confused with being a self-absorbed, greedy, pain in the arse.
Experience tells me that the more 'all about us' we are.. the less we grow and the unhappier we become. Of course we want to manage our own life and develop ourselves the best we can, but sometimes the way ahead is actually by putting ourselves second. Or tenth.
* Let us know your thoughts and where you're from. I know some people will disagree with my thinking on this subject... that's okay; tell me what you think and why. I love a little (friendly) spirited debate.
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* Hi Guys. I apologise for being a little scarce lately; the realities and practicalities of my life loom large at the minute. I Hope this finds you well, happy, stimulated and creative. Keep pushing, keep that eight year-old alive, keep getting uncomfortable and don't forget to live, laugh, love and learn.
Like any 'profession'.... the personal development profession is inhabited by a wide range of 'interesting' characters who collectively bring an even wider range of qualifications, skills, backgrounds, abilities, philosophies, egos, attitudes, personalities, perspectives and motives to the self-help table.
And like any other profession, there are people who operate with integrity (good guys) and there are those who are maybe not quite so ethical (not-so-good guys).... people who, despite what's coming out of their mouth, book, CD, DVD... are actually more about helping themselves than they are about helping anybody else.
They're slick, polished, articulate, clever, well marketed, talented... and full of crap.
Despite their philanthropic, selfless, all-about-you overtones, their primary (if not, sole) objective is .... to make money.
Lots of money. They're not driven by a desire to help people, they're driven by greed and ego.
Now before you jump up and down and get grumpy at me for getting all... 'Mother Teresa' on you..... I'm not (getting all Mother Teresa).
I have no problem with anyone making money from personal development as long as they're up-front, honest and transparent about how things (really) work; I do have a problem with people lying, pretending and mis-representing themselves.... and being 'there for you' and 'understanding you' when they don't obviously know you, or anything about you.
What they do know is how people think, feel and react to various stimuli and they do know how to capitalise on that; how to push people's buttons. They do know how to engage and connect with an audience (or an individual), but don't confuse those skills.... with care. They also know how to whip people into an emotional self-help frenzy.... for an hour or so. Maybe a day or two.
But unfortunately, changing someone's emotional state for an hour or two doesn't equate to genuine, 'forever' change (why people pay their money in the first place).
Now, I am the first to acknowledge that all change is ultimately up to the individual and what they do with the tools, information and resources gleaned through their personal development experiences/lessons but it seems to me that some PD gurus are actually more about empowering themselves, than they are their audience. They want followers, devotees. Gotta keep those financial wheels turning. Imagine if they genuinely helped you to become an effective, fearless decision maker, action taker and problem solver, then you wouldn't.... need them.
Aah.
Real personal development is all about the student becoming self-sufficient and in turn, becoming the teacher... and then, helping to empower others.
Of course they have a vested interest in keeping you coming back for more. If it only took one book, one workshop or one consultation... how could they make more money from you?
I also have a problem with some of the sales tactics employed by some people and organisations to coerce, manipulate and pressure people into 'buying' more courses, DVD's, workshops, on-line support and newsletters. People turn up to the 'let-me-help-you-change-your-life-forever' workshop, only to find there's actually another workshop they'll need to attend after this one...and another stack of cash they'll need to find before their self-help journey is complete.
Okay, perhaps one more workshop. And a live-in program. And another. And of course they'll need the CD collection for the car and office ... just to be sure. And possibly some on-line counselling. But only for a few years.
The irony of (most) personal development options is that many of the people who really need the help (practically, financially, professionally) ..... can't afford it!
Having said all of that, I also acknowledge that there are many fantastic, generous, philanthropic, amazingly successful PD types who succeed on a commercial level and also 'give back' more than most. I have met and worked with many people who make a living from personal development; most of them have been honest, ethical and generous. Some of them, incredible.
But not all of them.
Don't confuse charisma, white teeth and razzle dazzle with integrity... (and no, I am not talking about any particular individual here... I know what you're thinking - you're wrong!)
So... do I think I've got it all sorted?
No. I know I don't. For starters, I'm not a guru, just a bloke. I'm a work in progress.... just like every person I've ever met.
Am I selfish? Sometimes. Do I get things wrong? Often. Do I offend people? Wadda ya think? Do I make mistakes? Plenty. Do I get scared? Yep. Am I flawed? Very.
But I also understand that if I wait until I've 'got it all together' (no such a thing) before I try and help others, or share my thoughts and philosophies.... I'll be a hundred years old and still in therapy!
Nobody has it all together. I've never met a person who isn't fearful, insecure or needy on some level... at some stage. Ever. And I've hung out with some reasonably 'successful' people.
So let's summarise:
1. If you're going to head down the personal development path with your hard earned cash, then be discerning and wise... don't be fooled by the smoke and mirrors.
2. Don't wait until you've 'got it all together' before you start investing into the lives of others... because the more you invest into others... the more you help yourself. Ironically, sometimes the less we focus on us... the more we grow.
3. Personal Development gurus have just as many issues, fears, insecurities and flaws as the next person; they just hide it better!
Tomorrow I will explore some of my (least) favourite Personal Development messages (myths, fallacies, lies) here.
* I apologise in advance to my overseas visitors for some of the Australian-isms(!) in this post. Not only do we have words which are unique to our culture, but we also spell some words differently to our cousins in the US and Canada (apologise - apologize, fibre - fiber, realise - realize, organisation - organization) ... so don't just think I'm an uneducated bum who can't spell.. we're actually a little weird Down Under.
But then...maybe you are?
Finally; the home straight on the world's longest post.
Here they are; my last ten food rules. Sorry, suggestions.
If you have missed part one you can read it here... or if you haven't read part two, you can take a peek right here.
RULE 9: Plan your meals to create the best outcome. Don't put yourself in situations where you can't access your best nutritional options Many people are horribly disorganised when it comes to eating optimally. They wait until their blood sugar hits minus five, a wave of hunger has engulfed their entire body and then they eat thirteen potato cakes, a litre of sauce (ketchup), twenty four dimmos... and a diet coke ('cause they're watching their weight). Being disciplined and organised doesn't mean you're obsessive; it just means you're serious about creating real change. Going to an event (football, wedding, party, etc.) and saying "it's all there was to eat", doesn't cut it when you're committed to losing weight. If you're in a situation where you can't access any quality food, don't eat. If the choice is junk or nothing, nothing is a healthier choice.
There's a fair chance you won't die from malnutrition before you get home. Many times I have gone to a function and not eaten because everything on offer was back-stroking in fat, sugar or salt... or all three. If you are in a work or school situation where you can't eat for hours on end or you can't access quality food, take some healthy food with you. Organisation and Tupperware are the keys! If people think you're a freak because you take your food with you, tell them to get over it. If your friends criticise you or make fun of you because you're serious about getting in shape, get some new friends.
RULE 10: Don't reward yourself (or your kids) with food. "I've been so good; I deserve this". What... you deserve to be fat? You deserve to over-eat? So many of us see food as a prize for doing (or not doing) certain things. We even 'save up for the weekend' because we've been so good all week. I'm not suggesting that food can't be an enjoyable part of our life... but I am saying that we can't come home from work and consume two kilos (4.4lbs) of lasagne (lasagna) and thirty beers because we had a stressful day and we deserve some food therapy. As long as we use food as a reward for certain behaviours, we're in trouble. We are a society which starts this pattern early by shoving food in our kids' mouths to shut them up or reward them for being good. If your two-year-old is a Golden Retriever then food rewards are a great idea... otherwise, give them a miss.
RULE 11: Don't under-eat or starve yourself. Like over-eating, under-eating is also an unhealthy habit. Our body needs a certain amount of micro and macro nutrients to function optimally and when we starve ourselves all we do is put our health at risk. Unfortunately there are many people who alternate between overeating and under-eating. These behaviours are typically associated with people who have eating disorders but the reality is there are a great number of people who might not technically be classified as having an eating disorder yet are constantly bingeing and starving. They over-eat and then eat nothing to compensate. When we under-eat we slow our metabolism (the rate at which our body uses fuel), lose muscle mass, lose fluid and put our body in a state of distress. Invariably when people who have been starving themselves go back to eating 'normally' their bodies will over-compensate, pile on the weight and their 'new' slow metabolism will make it even harder for them to create their best body.
Remember, anything which is extreme is not going to work long term. I am constantly talking to people who believe that if they eat way less they will get 'skinnier' faster. What they are often doing in reality is losing muscle and retaining (or even increasing) body-fat. Quite often your body will rid itself of muscle before it will shed any fat. So what we end up with is a lighter but fatter body. Bugger.
RULE 12: Don't be a social eater. Many of us are champions when it comes to social eating. We have a great capacity to eat way beyond our physical needs and justify it because of the situation or environment we are in. We even tell ourselves that we're missing out if we don't partake of everything on offer. We do it at Christmas, Easter, weddings, birthdays, work functions, parties, the footy, the pub, barbeques, on holidays and whenever we get the chance. We eat way more than we need to because... that's just what we do. Besides, everyone else is doing it! At Christmas we even plan to overeat; we eat until we feel sick and then undo our pants to make room for dessert. By mid-afternoon Christmas day we vow we'll never eat again and then about six hours later we can be found by the micro-wave, waiting for the left-overs to heat up.
Amazingly, our body's energy needs don't increase just because we're at someone's birthday function! If you have a tendency to overeat in social settings, try eating before you go out. By the way, it is possible to enjoy yourself socially without overeating or drinking alcohol. Some people struggle with this concept. Over the years I have had many people tell me that I don't know what I am missing out on because I don't drink alcohol. It's funny because when I look at most of my friends who started drinking twenty years ago, I don't feel too deprived. Perspective is an interesting thing.
RULE 13: Drink one or two glasses of water twenty minutes before each meal. I remember learning about this weight-loss gem when I was just a baby Trainer... an oldie, but a goodie; it works. I've used it with many clients over many years and it absolutely makes a considerable difference. Not only does it help you stay hydrated (many of us are regularly dehydrated) but it suppresses our appetite a little and stops us from over-eating.
RULE 14: Give empty calories a wide berth. Some foods contain a whole lot of calories and not much else... we refer to these as empty calories. As we know foods are composed of macro-nutrients (carbs, protein and fat), micronutrients (vitamins and minerals), water and fibre. Some foods have plenty of calories (often from fat and sugar) and very little in the way of health-promoting vitamins and minerals. These foods are low in nutritional value and will help you get (or remain) fat and hinder your efforts to become (or remain) healthy. When we talk about 'empty calorie' foods we are talking about things like fried chicken, potato cakes, alcohol, crumpets, fairy floss, lollies (sweets) and frozen ice drinks.
RULE 15. Eat out... carefully The restaurant; the natural enemy of the weight-conscious.
We don't need to avoid restaurants (although sometimes it might help if we did) but we need to choose very wisely when we're living large. Here are my eating-out suggestions:
Eat a main course only - no bread, entree, soup or sweets (you want them, you don't need them!). No pasta dishes; even the 'healthy' options aren't... (healthy). No cream sauces at all. Drink two glasses of water before your meal. Don't believe the waiter who tells you: "no, it's pretty low in fat". He's a liar. Go the protein (chicken, fish, beef, lamb, turkey) and salad option when you can. If you order steamed vegetables, make sure they're not drowned in butter or oil (chef's have a habit of doing that). No alcohol; you might want it but you don't need it! How much do you really want to lose that weight? No all-milk coffees. Don't sit there feeling sorry for yourself, or acting like a martyr while your friends eat themselves to oblivion. Don't focus on what your missing out on (an opportunity to overeat like your buddies), focus on what you're gaining; a body you're happy to live in.
RULE 16. Don't tell fibs about your diet. For over twenty years I have listened to people lie to me, themselves and others about what they put in their mouth. I have met some of the world's best liars. If there was an Olympics for fibbing, these guys would be gold medalists. Some of the lying is intentional deception because they are too lazy, too embarrassed or too proud to admit that they are struggling with their food, and some of it is by people who are delusional about their dietary habits. As tough as it may be to be completely honest about your food intake, it is crucial that you are ABSOLUTELY truthful and realistic about what you eat, when you eat, why you eat and how you eat. When I hear something like "I generally eat pretty well", I know what they really mean is "I eat disgracefully but I'm embarrassed and I don't want you to think I have no self-control".
I'm not interested in embarrassing or humiliating anyone, I'm interested in truth and the truth is, if someone is obese and they're telling me they have "pretty good eating habits", they're lying. Lying about eating habits serves no (beneficial) purpose, postpones the inevitable and means that people will stay fat for longer than they need to. Tough and uncomfortable to hear, but in my experience, true.
RULE 17: Increase your fibre (fiber) intake. Every second person I meet is constipated on at least a semi-regular basis. This is often because they have a diet which is high in processed foods and low in dietary fibre. When we increase the fibre and decrease the processed junk we usually see an improvement in er... bowel health. As a general rule, the more processed the food, the less there is in it for you in terms of quality nutrition. Increasing fibre intake also helps us lose weight because it helps fill us and take the edge off our appetite.
Depending on how much you weigh and which guidelines you follow, it is suggested that the average adult needs somewhere around 40 to 50 grams of fibre per day. Many of us have less than 10 grams of fibre per day!
To give you an idea of what 40 to 50 grams means; an apple with skin contains about 4 grams of fibre, a slice of white bread has about 0.6 grams, a slice of dark rye bread about 1.8 grams and most cereals are somewhere in the 1 to 5 grams of fibre per 100 grams, range. For example Special K (according to the label on the box) contains 2.5 grams of fibre for every 100 grams of cereal. So if you wanted to meet all your fibre needs through Special K you would need to consume about 2 kilograms of it per day. Even 100 grams of raw rolled oats (which you might think would be very high in fibre) only contains about 10 grams of fibre. My advice to you is don't try and meet all your fibre needs in one hit (i.e. breakfast), spread it out evenly through the day. Eat plenty of fruit and vegies and if you really want to eat a low-fibre cereal for breakfast, at least put a couple of tablespoons of unprocessed bran on it.
RULE 18: Don't get fat eating healthy foods. Be aware of those foods which are loaded with nutritional goodies... and calories. You might just end up healthy... and fat. Although... being fat is unhealthy, so you probably won't be healthy at all. Mmm, glad I cleared that up. Many people think that because certain foods are loaded with good stuff they can shovel in as much as they want. Wrong. Plenty of healthy foods are calorie dense and need to be used sparingly. Avocado, nuts, seeds, dried fruit, yoghurt, muesli bars, fruit juices and protein bars and drinks (some protein bars have more fat and calories than an equivalent sized chocolate bar) are all foods which may do you more harm than good if you don't use them wisely. Yes, almonds are good for you... but not when you eat them by the kilo!
At nearly 600 calories for a measly one hundred grams of them, they'll get ya fat in about eight minutes. Put a hundred grams of almonds on the palm of your hand and you'll be surprised how insignificant it looks... sneaky little buggers. Then you can compare a hundred grams of fresh apricot (35 calories) with the same weight of dried apricots (270 calories) and you begin to realise that it ain't hard to chub up eating healthy foods. I probably shouldn't tell you this but one hundred grams of caramel slice has the same amount of calories as one hundred grams of dried apricots (270). No, they don't have the same nutritional value, and no, I'm not suggesting you go the caramel slice option but I am suggesting that you control your intake of calorie-dense 'healthy foods'.
Okay, there you have it; no more excuses and no more going around in circles. Maybe now you can get off the weight-loss merry-go-round once and for all... have fun.
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This post is the second in a three-part series. If you missed part one, you can view it here.
* I apologise in advance for the magnitude of this....epistle. As my grade five teacher said, "Craig is easily distracted in class, can be disruptive and has a tendency to be somewhat verbose.
Verbose? Am not.
You are.
So yesterday we momentarily shifted our focus from the (strictly) head and heart stuff to the body stuff and today we'll continue the discussion and take a look at the food thing. I know there is much confusion, debate and disagreement about optimal nutrition, so it is always my goal to keep it simple, practical and do-able! It is my belief that many experts make a simple process (eating well) much harder than it needs to be... and being as I'm kinda simple, I thought we'd keep the discussion that way. (Simple).
Most of the following is taken from my book 'Food for Thought'.
Enjoy.
At the start of many diet books the author will make some amazing but predictable claims as to why his or her 'nutritional model' is the long-awaited answer to the global obesity problem and why that particular book is remarkably different to any of its predecessors. In the business world this is called having a USP; a Unique Selling Proposition. They want us to believe that their book, in a sea of similar books, is the book we can't do without. Unless the book's message and philosophy is different to the other four billion books on offer (has a USP), why would we want to read it? So very early in the piece they will do their best to establish the WOW factor and to impress us with jargon, tech-terms, university studies, research from NASA, their version of weight-loss truth and some amazing testimonies from people who have lost the equivalent of a Hyundai in body-weight in seven weeks.
Invariably, the claims are based on 'breakthrough' scientific research by a bloke with four PhD's and messy hair, and in an attempt to impress (or confuse) us readers they'll throw in terms like deoxyribonucleic acid, thermogenic, glycemic load, cellular nutrition and independent double-blind study. Aaaah, the good old double-blind study; where would we be without those?
With books like the CSIRO Diet, the Atkins Diet, the Low GI Diet, the Health Revolution Diet, Protein Power, the Pritikin Diet, the Ultimate Weight Solution, Dieting for Dummies, the South Beach Diet, the Carbohydrate Addicts Diet, The Fat Fallacy, The Zone, Mastering the Zone, Son of the Zone (I made that one up) already selling in the squillions, it might be reasonable to suggest that another diet book ain't gunna turn the SS Obesity around any time soon.
In fact I'm sure if I went into the lab, put on my white coat (ok, it's beige) and gave it a good shot, I could find a definite correlation between the increase in the number of diet books on the market and the rising levels of obesity. I know a little about science and I reckon if I try hard enough to interpret the data to suit my hypothesis, I could scientifically conclude that diet books are quite possibly the cause of global obesity. Think about it; we've never had more diet books, yet we've never been fatter. Maybe I'm on to something? Surely there's a relationship there?
Ok, I'm talking rubbish, but you get my point.
What if losing weight ain't that complex?
While I acknowledge that losing weight isn't always a piece of cake (literally or metaphorically), I also know that it isn't as difficult as many people make it out to be. After all, if losing weight was simple and straight forward (energy in verses energy out, for example) then maybe we wouldn't need all those diet books would we?
Mmmm.
Fortunately for you this post is not another tedious diet book, there will be no ridiculous claims, no further reference to double-blind studies and I don't know many big scientific words, so you shouldn't get confused.
RULE 1: Eat less. Aaaah c'mon Harper.... give us something better than that! Thought you were a scientist? Sorry to disappoint you but as long as the biggest problem is overeating (which it is) then the number one solution will always be to eat less. As frustrating, obvious and simple as it may be to reduce our calorie intake... WE STILL DON'T DO IT! Surely it can't be so simple, can it?
The single biggest dietary mistake made by most of us is... over-eating.
We confuse what we want, with what our body actually needs (as discussed in the National Geographic Diet post). It's estimated that many of us consume thirty to forty percent more food than we need every day. The net result of all that over-eating is fat adults, fat kids and the fastest growing obesity rate in history.
People are almost disappointed with the simplicity of this rule (because they think there must be more to it) but the truth is, if the only thing overweight people did was consistently reduce their calorie intake by up to half, all diet books would be redundant because we'd have virtually zero obesity. So while the experts are debating the high-carb, low-carb, no-carb thing, smart people are simply reducing calories and losing weight! Perhaps a little 1985, but it works. If you're not sure where to start, reduce the size of your meals by twenty percent and see how you go.
RULE 2: Don't drink your calories. While many drinks are cheap, practical, convenient and taste ace... a lot of them are also high in sugar, fat and calories and low in nutritional value. They are also big contributors towards the obesity problem. Some people consistently drink more calories (crap calories) than they eat. And don't be fooled by some of the 'healthier' options; fruit juices, smoothies, cappuccinos, hot chocolates and protein shakes can be loaded with calories and often contain more sugar than soft drinks (sodas). Some smoothies contain more calories than we might have in a typical lunch or dinner... and people drink these in between meals because they are a healthy option. If you are determined to drink smoothies, use only skim milk, throw in some ice, use fresh fruit (not juice), don't add ice cream, don't sweeten it (except with fruit), don't drink two litres of it... and call it what it is; a meal. And then of course there's alcohol....
RULE 3: Eat five to six small meals per day (all about the same size). Most Aussies are 'three square meals a day' people. Research tells us (I hate that expression, but it's true) that our bodies actually function better on more frequent smaller meals, rather than less frequent, bigger meals. Our body isn't built to run on a sporadic mix of whopping meals, tiny meals and 'normal-size' meals. When we eat small, si
