Archive of Motivational Speaker

Welcome to Craig's site.

Craig Harper is a leading motivational speaker and educator. He is a highly sought-after corporate coach and is considered to be a leader and pioneer in the areas of personal and professional development. Working with hundreds of teams, companies and a wide variety of organisations on numerous continents over the last twenty years has given Craig a unique insight into, and understanding of, human performance and all its variables. Craig has an ability to educate, inspire, challenge and make people laugh all at the same time!

Renovate Your Life Blog

Sunday, December 31, 2006

The Resolution Revolution

So today is Sunday January 31st 2006; the day before we all change our lives forever.

Apparently.

We've told ourselves tomorrow is the day.
The new us.
Leaner, lighter, happier, more relaxed, wealthier, more balanced.... different.
Better.
Between Christmas and New Year we ate our own body-weight in food because... that's what we do and anyway..."We're starting tomorrow!"

So it's all okay.

I can justify and rationalise whatever I want; shut up Harper.

My body, my life.
Anyway, I deserved it.

We overeat, we drink too much and we stumble towards the end of the Year, safe in the knowledge that January 1 is coming... and it will all be different.

Somehow.

Sure we've made and broken resolutions and promises before.... but this year it's gonna be different.

Lesson 1: If nothing changes, nothing changes.
If you want next year to be the best year of your life, then you need to establish why and how it will be different this time. Keeping in mind that a good or a bad year is not about situations, circumstances, events or other people; it's about you.

Your choices.
Your attitude.
Your ability to deal with discomfort.
Your ability to create new standards and 'rules'.
Your ability to persevere when previously you've thrown in the towel.
Your ability to keep doing, even when the doing ain't fun or cool or sexy (consistency).

So tomorrow we start losing weight.
Getting fit.
Giving up the smokes.
Cutting back on the alcohol.
Swearing less.
Fixing relationships.
Changing bad habits.

Yep, tomorrow's the day.

So glad it's not today; not emotionally prepared today.

Just heard an interesting stat on the news: this New Year four million Australians will go on a diet. That's about twenty percent of our population.

If we use the same maths on the United States, we end up with sixty million dieters.

Jenny Craig must be rubbing her hands together.

Lesson 2: The truth is, for most people, the only change that January 1 brings is a short term change in behaviour (usually less than a fortnight, often less than a week).

For Personal Development types like me, January 1 is the most interesting day of the year. It's the one universal day where everyone talks about goals, dreams, plans and hopes; in short we all talk about creating a better life (however that is represented for us).

We talk about it, we dream about it.
But often we don't (really) plan for it, sweat for it, sacrifice for it, work for it, get uncomfortable for it.
We just kind of 'hope' it will happen.
Hopefully success will fall on us from a great height.

We don't create it.
We don't persevere.
We don't finish what we start.

In my job I have watched (literally) thousands of talented, intelligent and capable people spend years going around in circles.
Years being frustrated.
Years under-achieving.
Years making Excuses and years waiting for the right time.
Years making and breaking promises and resolutions.

Our biggest challenge in the pursuit of forever change, is not our ability (or lack of it), not opportunities, luck, potential, skills, education (or lack of it) and not our age or gender; it is our ability to consistently do the things we need to do to create our desired results, irrespective of how we're feeling, day in and day out.

Lesson 3: Motivation is temporary.
For most people, motivation is a feeling; an emotional state. "I feel motivated because I just saw this amazing film clip....".
If we only do when we feel motivated, we'll never create real (forever) change... because nobody is motivated 24/7.

Success is always less about motivation and more about some very un-sexy things like planning, self-control, discipline, organisation, time-management, decision making and mental toughness.
Not sexy, not glamorous, but effective.

I can tell you want you want to hear, or I can tell you the truth.

Lesson 4. We don't need another resolution, we need a revolution.
A revolution in the way we do things.
A revolution in the way we approach the next year.
A revolution in our head.

I hate the whole concept of January 1 being the day for a new start.

If only we all understood that every day is the day.

A better life ain't about the New Year....

It's about the New You.

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Thursday, December 28, 2006

A lesson in 'Australian' for my international friends...

Being an international class-room with an Australian bloke (definition to follow) up the front, I get regular emails from some of my international (mainly American) visitors wondering what the heck I'm talking about when I use certain terms and words.

While most Australians are reasonably familiar with American culture and language, having grown up watching American sit-coms, going to American movies and listening to American music... it appears that the majority of Americans (and Canadians) know very little about the Aussie culture, language or sense of humour.

So in an attempt to bridge the conversational gap, I have decided to publish edition one of Craig's guide to the Aussie language. I don't want to overload you in your first lesson so I'll be gentle, patient and brief. If you ever want to integrate seamlessly into the Australian culture, you'll need to master at least some of the following words:

Arvo - afternoon (let's meet this arvo at your house)
Barbie - barbecue
Bingle - motor vehicle accident (I had a bingle on the way to work)
Bloke - man, guy
Bloody - very (it is bloody hot today)
Blowie - blow fly
Bludger - lazy person (that bloke standing near the barbie is a bludger)
Blue - fight (verbal or fist)
Boofhead - likeable idiot (give me a hug ya big boofhead)
Bushie - someone who lives in the Bush
Coldie - a beer (I feel like a coldie)
Chook - a chicken (I'm having a coldie and some chook for dinner)
Daks - trousers (I spilled half of my coldie on my daks)
Dinky-di - the real thing, genuine (he's a dinky-di bloke)
Fair dinkum - true, genuine (Is that fair dinkum?)
Footy - Australian Rules Football
Franger - condom
G'Day - hello; the great Australian greeting (G'day mate)
Garbo - municipal garbage collector
Greenie - environmentalist
Grouse - fantastic, great, very good (we had a grouse time at the party)
Hooroo - goodbye
Mate - buddy, friend (he's my best mate)
Pash - kiss ( I pashed a girl at the party)
Rack off - go away (rack off ya boofhead)
Ripper - fantastic, great (what a ripper game)
Shag - have sex
Sheila - a woman
Sickie - a day off work for a feigned sickness (the bludger took a sickie)
Snag - a sausage
Togs - swim suit
Thongs - called flip flops in the U.S.
Tucker - food (this snag is grouse tucker)
Yakka - work (this shovelling is hard yakka)
Yobbo : an uncouth person (who let that yobbo in here?)

Okay, so that's a very brief snapshot of a few Australian words.
Now, see if you can construct some meaningful sentences and integrate some words into your daily conversations (without offending anyone).

The next thing we need to discuss is the Australian propensity to destroy surnames and allocate nicknames. In my country, if someone shortens, lengthens, or in any way, changes your name, they like you.

Most blokes address their mates using a modified version of their surname, so:

Craig Harper becomes Harps
Tony Brown becomes Browny
Pete McDonald becomes Macca
Jeff Thompson becomes Thommo
John Davis becomes Davo
Scott Green becomes Greeny

... and so on.

See how many surnames you can modify (destroy in the name of love) today.

Most Aussies are pretty laid-back, informal cats and if we can abbreviate, enhance or simplify a word or term, we're up for it.

So now if I gradually start to weave some Australian into my blog you may have some clue as to what I'm talking about...
Or not.

Okay, that completes lesson one.

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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

The Success Myth.

I just watched a short video of a world-renowned personal development guru sharing his thoughts and ideas on success and what we need to do to become successful.
And while he didn't define success (specifically), he did infer that it is essentially about bank balances, property portfolios, cars, lifestyles and big houses; the accumulation of wealth.
Because that's all he spoke about; how poor he once was and how rich he now is.
And how, when I buy his books and DVD's, and subscribe to his on-line newsletter I can learn from him, be like him and become part of his success family.

Give me a bucket.
I'd rather hit myself on the head with a bat.

Apparently success is about accumulating things which have significant financial value.
And when we've accumulated a lot, we should do our best to accumulate more, because then we will be more successful.
And if we have the most stuff amongst our friends and colleagues, then we are the most successful.

Sad that people still teach this in 2007 (close enough).
Sadder that people still buy into it.

If you are passionate about self-improvement and personal growth I hope I haven't already offended you, but I am tired of this self-centred, instant gratification school of thought which teaches that success is all about what we can get.
And quickly.

Don't get me wrong, I am not some goody-two-shoes (what on earth does that mean?) who is opposed to being commercially and financially successful, in fact as a business owner, it's one of my goals. I respect people who have achieved in business and in their career but I don't confuse assets with success.

They are, in my opinion, (usually) independent of each other.

What I am opposed to, is the notion that overall success should be measured in dollars. And while some of the gurus wouldn't overtly say as much.... listen to them, read their stuff; it's what they're all about.

Well, what if success isn't about accumulating but rather, giving away?
And what if, in the giving, we become rich beyond belief?
I know that for many of you this won't be a foreign concept but in the big wide world of 'success coaching' concepts like selflessness, generosity, emotional and spiritual wealth don't get much of a run.
It's all about looking after number one.
Win at all costs.
Go hard or go home.

Winston Churchill said:
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.

Many people teach that success is different things for different people.

When I quiz a group of people at a conference and say "who wants to be successful", every hand goes up in a second. When I then say, "you've got two minutes; write down what success is for you", most of them will sit there for the two minutes.... and write nothing or very little.

I believe that defining success is easy and that it is actually the same for everyone.

What does everyone really want?

Happiness.

See, ain't that complex is it?

Happiness = Success.

We might label it different things (peace, contentment, fulfillment, joy, fun) but we're all really talking about the same thing.

We're talking about an internal state... not an external thing.

Why then, are we so externally focused?

I believe that, on some level, we all know that it's not about financial wealth but somehow, somewhere, we bought into the lie.

You know you're truly happy when you don't really want anything else.

The tricky bit is finding out what truly makes you happy.
Not what the gurus, book or DVD's tell you will make you happy... but what your heart (not your head) tells you.

Here's a hint; it probably won't be money or stuff.

A story to finish.

A few years ago I went to Vanuatu for a friend's wedding.

There was a group of about twenty five of us and we all stayed on a remote, tiny island which had no electricity and a population of a few thousand. We stayed in the only 'resort' on the island; one-star beach huts, complete with generators, communal showers, palm trees, the most beautiful beaches on earth and a bunch of creepy-crawly things.

In my seven-day stay on the island I connected with some of the most beautiful, happy, well-adjusted, inspiring people I have ever met; anywhere in the world.

These unsophisticated, uneducated people taught me much more than I could ever teach them. Sometimes when I was around them I felt stupid. ... but mostly I felt privileged.
I felt as though I had made my life something much more difficult and complex than it needed to be. These people who earned ten dollars (Australian) per week ($7.50 US), had never even heard of the term 'Personal Development', didn't know what a psychologist was and played soccer for hours on the beach with a ball made from leaves, never stopped laughing, smiling or having fun.

Every day, all day, they were happy.
I befriended one of the workers at the resort.
He was twenty four, had never seen television, never heard of Michael Jordan, Michael Jackson, the Pope or Madonna....never been off his tiny island, never seen a bitumen road... his favourite foods were chicken, fish and ... wild dog.
One day we went for a walk because he wanted to show me where his parent's house was.
As we walked there he held my hand.

I didn't know that (in their culture) when someone is your friend and you are walking together ...holding hands is normal.

You can imagine how comfortable Mr Personal Development, well adjusted, alpha-male warrior was, walking hand in hand with another man on a tropical island.

Let's just say that one of us had significant issues and it wasn't my new buddy.

So over the course of one of the best weeks of my life, my new buddy (the hand-holding guy with no money, no assets, no stocks, no car, no ego and no five-year plan) taught me all about success; not by what he said but by how he lived his life.

The irony is that, by our society's standards, he has nothing; he is poor.
The truth is, he is successful and wealthy beyond measure.

When I left the island he hugged me, told me I was his new white brother and cried.
I cried too.

P.S. My friend's name is Mackenzie.... and yes I've seen him since.

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Monday, December 25, 2006

How Much is a Life Worth?

Earlier this year one of our favourite celebrities, Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin met an untimely and tragic death. There was widespread mourning and I, like many, was surprised and saddened. I loved him; thought he was an inspiration and a great role model.
I spoke to people who were absolutely shattered by the passing of the 'wildlife warrior'. People who had never met the man were crying and his death dominated the news in Australia for weeks. We were a nation in shock; one of our favourite sons had 'died before his time'.
It wasn't fair.

In the same week I read the following:

"According to UNICEF, over 30,000 children die each day due to poverty. And they die quietly in some of the poorest villages on earth, far removed from the scrutiny and the conscience of the world. Being meek and weak in life makes these dying multitudes even more invisible in death."

Isn't it pathetic that we live in a world which seems to value some lives more because they are prettier, funnier, wealthier, more talented, more influential or more visible.
One of our favourite celebrities die, and we fall apart.
30,000 kids die daily and we change the channel because 'those' ads make us uncomfortable.
Especially those kids with flies on their face.
Tasteless.
We don't need to see that.

30,000 kids die and we don't bat an eyelid because we don't know them.
They're statistics.
They're meaningless numbers in a foreign land.
It's not real to us.
Imagine if those little black faces were white.
I wonder if we'd be more concerned?

Don't misinterpret what I'm saying; I'm not suggesting that the Croc Hunter's death was anything other than tragic...it was.

But what I am saying is that all lives are sacred, and of equal value; no matter who they are, the colour of their skin, or their country of origin.

The three year-old who quietly dies from starvation today in the Sudan (and he will) is just as important as the millionaire, celebrity who kills him or herself with drugs.... or the high-profile philanthropist who gave away millions and died of old age.

In fact, to me, the three year-old is more tragic and significant because he never even had a chance. He couldn't waste his life like so many of us do... because he never had a life to waste.

I often talk about the quality of our life being dependant on the decisions we do and don't make. Well, I've been negligent because I haven't really discussed the fact that so many people (millions) have their destiny decided for them because of the situation they are born into.

For some people, decisions don't really come into it.

About four billion people (over half of the world's population) live on less than $2 per day.
That's not you or me.

We're blessed.
Let's act like it.
Let's complain less and appreciate more.

Let's value all lives.
Even the one's we can't see.
In the time it took me to write this post, over one thousand children have died as a result of their living conditions.

Imagine if everyone who could do something (anything), did it.

'The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil, is for good men to do nothing'.
Philosopher, Edmund Burke

Are you are good man / woman?

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Sunday, December 24, 2006

Tis the Season to be Grumpy

Tis the season to be jolly.... but someone forgot to tell the idiot that I watched abuse a lady and her two kids for not walking fast enough on a pedestrian crossing today...

The kids were about two and four, and mum was laden with shopping.

Poor guy; having to wait an extra two seconds while the selfish, thoughtless woman ambled across the street, rug-rats in tow.

Ho, ho, ho.

If I wasn't so balanced and sensible, I would have punched him in the head.

Damn all those personal development books and workshops.
I was so much more fun when I was irresponsible and preoccupied with my biceps.

Gotta grow up some time, I guess.

So it's December 24, and to me, it feels like everyone is staggering towards Christmas like exhausted runners on the home straight of their first marathon. Sometimes I think we talk ourselves into exhaustion; it's like we mentally and emotionally switch off and collectively hit the wall somewhere around mid December.
We finish the year on auto pilot, fall over the finish line and then stuff ourselves with turkey.
It's a great spectacle.

Christmas is an interesting time for us students of human nature.
I dig it.

People get a little freaky.
Emotions go crazy.
Some get philosophical and deep.
Some get sad or angry.
Or both.
Some come to amazing realisations.
And make resolutions which are rarely followed through on.
Some create long to-do lists.
And then lose them.
Some eat until they are sick.
And some drink their own body-weight in beer.
Or both.

And they say animals are dumb.
We humans are the smartest... and the dumbest species.

I don't know if it's just my personal experience, but people seem to be getting grumpier, ruder, and more impatient. Christmas cheer has made way for Christmas sneer, and the fat bloke in the red suit doesn't seem to represent what he once did.

For me Christmas is a time to kick back, reflect, assess the year that was, be thankful for what I have, hang out with friends and laugh.

And eat baked cheesecake.

What about you?
Why will next year be better, different, more fulfilling and rewarding?
It's good to set goals and to plan.
It's better to follow through.
It's good to identify what needs to change.
It's better to change it.
It's good to live, laugh, learn and love... and give the anti-social behaviour a miss.

At the end of every year we talk about how next year will be different, amazing, incredible.
Imagine if this year, we all actually did it rather than just talked about it.

I know that about fifty percent of the visitors to my site are from outside of Australia (I am in Melbourne) so I am interested to hear from my international readers (and you Aussies, of course) about the Christmas Grumpiness Syndrome. Let me know your thoughts and where you are from... is it just an Australian thing... or is it global?

Just hit the comments link at the bottom.

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Friday, December 22, 2006

Craig Meets Kylie

Recently I agreed to spend some time with five people who had won a competition on a Melbourne radio station (FOX FM). They each won some great exercise equipment and were all in need of some direction, education and motivation. So far I've met with three of the five winners and it's been a fun experience. Each of them need to lose somewhere in the vicinity of 40 - 50 kilos (88 - 110 pounds) and they are all excited about the journey.
I introduced one of the winners to a girl who's been training at my centre for the last eight months and has lost 55 kilos (121 pounds). All of a sudden this girl (one of the five) who was full of self-doubt, believed that she could do it because she met someone who was bigger than her and had lost the weight.

She went from doubt, to certainty, in five minutes.
That's what I call a change in perspective; a paradigm shift.

Creating forever change is so much about our head.

So this week I got a great email from Kylie, one of the FOX FM winners.

Hi Craig,

it's Kylie from Pakenham (I hope you still remember me).
I just want to let you know how much your words really sunk in when I met you on Saturday; how we choose to be fat. I look at food differently now most of the time and I ask myself whether I need it. Most of the times I don't. I am trying really hard to wait for those hunger signals too. I am drinking heaps of water. I am up to six minutes on the cross trainer and improving each day. What really touched my heart was when we met on Saturday was the hug that you gave me at the end of our meeting. I don't get hugs, maybe being the fat person and all that, but it was so nice to receive one from you. So yes, you are my hero and I am so grateful to have met you.
I would love to wish you and your family a very merry Christmas and a safe New Year and I look forward to seeing you in January. Thank you once again for giving me your time.

kind regards,

Kylie Barnes.

Thankyou to Kylie for letting me print her letter.

Reading the letter and spending a little time with Kylie, a few things stood out to me.

1. It's so easy to encourage people and we should all do it more.

2. Everyone loves someone to take a genuine interest in them.

3. Sometimes a little kindness (a hug perhaps) can take ten seconds and make a huge impact.

4. When people are ready to change they will... and not before.

5. It's so exciting and rewarding to help those people who are genuinely ready.

6. I have the best job in the world.

7. I'm certainly no hero, but you are Kylie for being so honest, so humble and for choosing to live your best life in your best body.

Kylie, I think you're fantastic and I look forward to watching you transform (inside and out) over the coming months..... GO YOU!

P.S. You can have a hug anytime!

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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Multi-dimensional Health.... (I'm not a body; it's just where I live)

Put up your hand if you think that we're all one-dimensional (i.e. physical) beings.

Just as I thought; no-one.

Now, put up your hand if you think we're amazing, complex, multi-dimensional, physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual beings.

Knew it; a whole bunch of you.
Except you up the back who's too important to put your hand up for anything.

It's okay, the rest of us love you anyway.
Here, have a cyber-hug... O

Sorry, I digress.
As usual.

So it's with some trepidation that I head down the path of exploring the concept of multi-dimensional health; complete health.
The slightly dysfunctional, insecure, would-be Alpha Male Warrior, only child is going to explore health beyond the world of biceps and body-fat percentages.

Giddyup Craigo.
You can do it.

Years of working with some amazing, lean, fit, strong, attractive bodies has taught me that sometimes, a person's overall health has very little to do with their body.

Mostly, the outside ain't a great indicator of what's happening on the inside.

Medical science tells us that if someone has low blood pressure, low cholesterol, low(ish) body-fat, low(ish) resting heart rate, pretty good cardio-vascular fitness and no evidence of 'disease', then they're healthy.
Very healthy, even.

But are they?

Does our broadly-accepted criteria for evaluating health really provide us with an accurate overall representation of an individual's health, given that we're not just a bunch of ligaments, tendons, bones, blood vessels, nerves, organs and muscles?

If most of us believe / accept that we are infinitely more than a body (a body is not who we are; it's just where we live) then why is our health invariably evaluated by some guy in a white coat poking and prodding our physical body.

It's my belief that the common perception of health is a very limited, ignorant, one-dimensional and misleading perspective. In fact, I believe that many people who would typically be regarded as healthy (from a clinical perspective) are, ironically, quite often, the opposite.

Before we go on, I would like to ask you two questions:

1) Do you believe that you are a physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual being?

2) Do you consciously, regularly and consistently work at developing, maintaining or improving your physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual health?

If you answered yes to question one, and no to question two, this article might be timely for you.
You decide.

I want to profile four people who I've met, or worked with, over the last few years.
I'm not using their real names for obvious reasons.

SAM - is a high(ish) profile Preacher. When it comes to the 'God stuff', he has it all together. He can quote scripture at will, preach up a storm, move people to tears and action with his amazing insight and communication skills and he genuinely has a gift for helping people. He's compassionate, caring, loving, humble and..... fat as a house. He weighs somewhere in the vicinity of 150kgs (330lbs) and eats everything that isn't nailed down.

Health Report: Spiritually healthy; Physically outa-control!

ASHLEY - is a fitness freak. Trains every day. Resting heart rate of 34 (freaky). Five percent body-fat, muscles on his eyelids, veins like garden hoses (apparently desirable), runs, swims, lifts, eats organic everything and.... is allergic to hugging, doesn't tell his kids he loves them, can't communicate with his wife and avoids any discussion with anyone (including me) about anything deeper than the weather or the football scores.

Health Report: Physically healthy; Emotionally on life-support.

KYLIE - intelligent, professional career girl. Physically fit, deep thinker, always about to do something big but never does. Gets very spiritual (for about a day) when she's scared (someone's sick, she has to get on a plane, or she thinks the world is coming to an end). Acknowledges she has certain beliefs but never has the time or energy to work on the 'spiritual' Kylie.

Health Report: Generally healthy, Spiritually bankrupt.

CLAIRE - ironically a psychologist, with a propensity to lie, exaggerate, manipulate, intimidate and argue. Academically brilliant but dishonest, delusional and controlling.

Health report: Physically healthy, Psychologically unwell.

In my opinion all four people are unhealthy, even though 'science' would tell us that Sam is the only concern.

When we begin to open our eyes, our mind and our heart to a new way of thinking, feeling and being, we can explore health from a different perspective and start to understand why so many people are unhappy, unfulfilled, frustrated, sad, angry and confused. It ain't about their blood pressure, it's about their low self-esteem. It ain't about their relationship with God, it's about their un-controlled eating and delusional behaviour.

For years I have watched people try and fix emotional, psychological and spiritual problems with physical solutions; if only I lose weight, life will be great and my marriage will be saved. If only I look like that... he / she will love me. If only I punish myself a bit more, God will forgive me.

Doesn't work like that.

We need to consciously, regularly and consistently work at developing, maintaining or improving our physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual health.

So, you multi-dimensional, amazing creature, don't say you want complete health unless you're going to do something about it.

Go for a jog.
Forgive someone who doesn't 'deserve' it.
Talk to people, not at them.
Listen, consider, empathise.
Stop lying to yourself.
Apologise for that thing you did.
Do something different.
Love when it's uncomfortable.
Forgive someone else.
Say a prayer.
Stop hurrying; be still for a moment.
Create some new standards for yourself.
Let yourself cry.
Acknowledge your fears.
Listen to that still small voice.
Stop being tough.
Write down your values.
Live a life which is consistent with those values.
Be vulnerable.
Laugh.
Work on the inside stuff.

And do it every day.

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Tough Love.

Okay, so I'm a little concerned for some of the teenagers and young adults I meet in the course of my work who seemingly have everything handed to them on a platter.
It's not all the things which are done for, or given to, them that concerns me; it's the life skills, the people skills, the relationship skills, the coping skills and the practical skills they're not developing, which worries me.

Kids who have never made a bed.
Kids who have never been disciplined.
Kids who have never had to work for anything.
Kids who don't understand the meaning of no.
Kids who don't 'get' that the majority of the world lives somewhere close to the poverty line.
Kids who don't really have any perspective of a world beyond their front door.
Kids who have never had any consequences for their bad behaviour because mum and dad have always bailed them out.

Over the last few years I have been involved with an increasing number of interfering, meddling, over-protective, paranoid (yes, well-intending and loving) parents who have successfully produced kids with virtually no skills for life in the real world; not the synthetic, manufactured version of the world they were raised in; but the dirty, lumpy, bumpy, unfair, unpredictable world that most of us inhabit.

They love their kids and want the best for them but sometimes it's more loving to let a child fall over, get a little grubby, dust herself off, get up and keep going, than it is to race her off to the doctor every time she gets a scratch on her knee.

Sometimes in an effort to 'protect' our children we actually make them more vulnerable. In an attempt to keep them safe we unintentionally put them in harms way because we raise them in an environment which doesn't allow them to adapt, learn, cope, fail ... and occasionally fall over and feel some pain.

We're all familiar with the old Chinese Proverb:

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

This lesson has a multitude of applications and implications, with the obvious message being that when we teach someone something of value, and help them develop practical skills, we help them survive and thrive in the world.

We may avoid the quick fix, but we help them in the long-term.
A little short-term pain for some long-term gain.
We let them grow and learn by doing rather than having it done for them.
We open them up to a world of new possibilities.
We help them become adaptable, resourceful and independent.

We can teach them about the real world:

The one where there are consequences for bad behaviour.
The one where mum and dad don't 'fix' everything when Junior stuffs up.
The one where kids learn invaluable, and often painful life-lessons, every day.
The one where kids develop values, standards and perspective because they actually have to work for things.

So let's explore the concept of tough love.

What is loving?
Is it:
a) bailing the kid out of trouble every time, or is it
b) making the kid deal with the consequences of her actions?

Is it:
a) handing him a new car for his birthday, or is it
b) teaching him how to work, save money and buy his own car?

Is it:
a) rewarding her with gifts and prizes for doing 'normal' things (passing an exam) or
b) giving her a hug and telling her you're proud?

Is it:
a) buying him the best cubby-house or
b) building a cubby-house with him?

Is it:
a) getting her the best lawyer money can buy or
b) letting her lose her license for speeding?

What do you think?

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Sunday, December 17, 2006

The 2006 International Queen of Procrastination.

Look out; I'm in one of those moods.
If you're feeling precious or a bit fragile, you may want to read this later.

Or never.

I have a friend (surprising, I know).
To call her a bit of a procrastinator would be like calling Tiger Woods a bit of a golfer.
In the world of procrastinators, she is a pioneer, an innovator.
She's the benchmark.

She has a PhD in time-wasting.

Just when you thought there could be no more reasons for not doing something, no more excuses.... she pulls out a gem; every time.
Slam Dunk.
Didn't see that coming.

And she does it with such conviction.
She talks herself into it.
Logic and reality don't even come into it.

I know what you're thinking; we create our own reality.
But sometimes we create a reality which destines us to being emotionally, socially and psychologically paralysed... forever. Living the life we don't want, but too fearful, too lazy or too indifferent to do anything about it.

I think deep down she knows she's full of crap, but at the same time she knows she can't admit it because then she would have to do something.

How many million reasons can one person give for putting off making decisions, and dealing with issues which should have been addressed forever ago?

Apparently, squillions.

I have crowned her the 2006 International Queen of Procrastination.

The judging criteria revolves around an individuals ability to fluff, waste time, make excuses, avoid issues, go around in circles, rationalise, justify and ignore logic, while simultaneously having an amazing ability to identify all the things which need to change in their own life.... just not right now.

But soon.

Aah, the mystical, mysterious... soon.

No matter how big the issue or situation, whenever I chat with her (we recently had chat number 14,728), it's never the right time.

It ain't about timing.
Or resources.
Or practical issues.
Or work.
Or kids.
Or money.
It's about her.

It's not the situation; it's her in the situation.

I'm not suggesting that we should all run out tomorrow and make rash decisions or put ourselves (or others) at risk. But I am suggesting that, if we're not careful, some of us will wake up one day, we'll be ten years older, we'll still be procrastinating, we'll still be unfulfilled, we'll still be frustrated and we'll wish like crazy that we had listened to Craig in 2006, got over our fear, got off our arse and stopped waiting for the right time.

Perhaps you have a friend like mine... or perhaps you are the friend.

P.S. (Some time later) For those of you who are concerned that I've just destroyed a friendship, don't be. My friend (The Queen) knows exactly how I feel and that I care about her and want what's best for her. I have conveyed the above sentiments to her many times and after twenty years of having the same conversations about the same issues, she gets it.
Still not doing anything... but she gets it.

She just read the post and laughed.

Not the response I was after.
Bugger.

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Saturday, December 16, 2006

Losing Weight the National Geographic Way; The how-to Guide

G'day Groovers.
Sorry for the lack of input and inspiration over the last day or two; slack really.
Dock my pay.
I deserve it.

Things at the Harperdome, the new kids gym (Gecko), the corporate speaking world and radio-land have been somewhat frantic and demanding. Sometimes the realities of being a business owner, the boss of a bunch of people and Mr. I-can-do-fifty-things-at-once.... is just way too grown-up for me.

Sometimes I'm so mature and responsible, I think I'm becoming my Dad.
Bugger.

Hi Ron.

I've been suffering from Blogger withdrawal today... so I thought I best put pen to paper...er, finger to keyboard.

So it seems that the article on the National Geographic Diet (my tongue-in-cheek description of instinctive eating) has generated some significant interest. For those of you who missed the piece, I explored the crazy dietary notion of not following any set eating plan (times, amounts, RDI's), but rather, learning to listen to, interpret and act upon the signals our body is constantly giving us; the signals we've so effectively trained ourselves to ignore over the years.
The physiological signals which tell us wacky things like: STOP EATING YOU DON'T NEED THIS! The signals which clearly tell us (when we choose to listen) what our body does, and doesn't need (in terms of food).
Not to be confused with the emotional and psychological urges and desires which tell us every five minutes that we need to medicate, sooth or reward ourselves with another unnecessary, indulgent, high-calorie 'prize'.

If you missed the article you can check it out here.

Okay, for those of you who want to re-connect with your body, learn something about yourself and give the instinctive eating thing a crack, here are my thoughts, ideas and suggestions (I would say rules but then I sound bossy.. and we really shouldn't have too many 'rules' when the very thing we're trying to do is listen to our body and let it tell us what to do).

1. Before you start your 28-day journey collect some base-line data. In other words; measurements and photos. Body-weight, girth measurements, body-fat percentage and a visual record (photos) are all good ideas. Remember; it's almost impossible for you to be objective about you.... so the pre and post-program testing helps us get some real perspective and objectivity about the worth of the concept we're exploring (in this instance; instinctive eating).
Enough geekiness?
Okay.

Unfortunately, we need to get a little scientific and quantify things as much as possible. For the program evaluation we want to take out opinion, estimation, guessing and simply assess the results.

2. Length of Program and start date. The length of our little research project is 28 days and you can start any time you like up until January 1, 2007... Then I can get your results, feedback, ideas and thoughts by the end of January. I will write up my report on my (personal) experience as well as provide an overview of the group results, vibe and feedback.

3. Keep a diary. Yes it's a suggestion... but consider it a strong suggestion. We know there are no 'rules' here at RYL (Renovate Your Life) but seeing as we're trying to conduct a pseudo-scientific study, we best document some stuff and look like we know what we're doing. Record EVERYTHING which will have some bearing on the outcome and be specific and thorough. What you eat, when you eat it, how much you eat, fluid intake, exercise, moods, hunger levels and sleep patterns (time to sleep, time awake).
For example: don't write in your diary - Breakfast: cereal (not enough info).
Instead, write Meal 1: (7.05am, very hungry) - 1 cup of oats, 1 cup of skim milk and 1 small banana. Meal 2: (10.45am, hungry) - 1 apple, 1 peach and half a cup of low-fat yoghurt... and so on. What we're trying to do is establish what works best for your body, and when we diarise everything we collect lots of valuable information, which over time will tell us what works best for us.

3. Don't eat until you're hungry. No matter what. The point of this study is for us to listen to what our body is really telling us and for us to learn what is optimal eating for our body. While I'm not going to tell you what to eat, or when to eat, I do suggest that you keep your intake of refined and processed foods to a minimum for the 28 days as they can mess with your blood-sugar, which often results in cravings. When we experience blood-sugar-related cravings, we often mis-interpret those signals for hunger and overeat.
And get fat(ter).

4. Size of meals. Again, a suggestion.. smallish meals is usually the best option. Spend time establishing what is the best portion size for you. Typically, it's better to eat a small meal at 8am (for eg.) and another small meal at 9.40am if you're hungry again. Eating a huge meal at 8am and then nothing till February ain't a great plan. Better for digestion, blood-sugar, energy levels and metabolic function to stick with the smaller (more frequent, if necessary) meals. Not always practical, convenient or easy (we're about results and learning; not easy), but you're better to have seven or eight very small meals than one or two whoppers. However, if you do eat a big meal (not illegal in most states) then listen to your body....it will tell you when next to eat. Having said all of that, you may find you're weird and you function great on two bigger meals per day. Remember there ain't no rules, no absolutes and it's all about you listening to your body and seeing what works.
You might eat four pounds of cheesecake on Monday (there's an idea) and a cow on Thursday ....and feel great.
Doubt it.

5. Warning - Do not get involved in this trial if you have a pre-existing medical condition which could be exacerbated by a change in your eating habits. Diabetics, kids, people with eating disorders and pregnant women are just a few who should give this a miss. If you're not sure, see your doctor.

6. Change how you think - A lot of people who change the way they eat struggle simply because they weren't mentally or emotionally ready for the transition. Their body is fine but their head feels a little (nutritionally) neglected because they are accustomed to eating a certain (different) way. If you go into the process with the "I'm-a-martyr-and-I'm-making-a-huge-sacrifice" attitude, you'll last five minutes, you'll hate the process and you'll annoy the crap out of everyone within five miles. Focus on what you're gaining and learning; not what you're missing out on and before you eat every meal ask yourself this question: "Do I need this... or want this?"

7. Make sure you get enough micro and macro nutrients. If you think your body is telling you to eat nothing but donuts, there's a fair chance you're not listening properly... or you're listening to your head, not your body.

8. A Reward? Everyone who completes the 28 days, sends me a before and after photo and a brief report (no more than 250 words) will receive a RYL T-shirt... we will (okay, Johnnie will) set up a new section on the site and post your photos and report (we can omit the photo if you like). Then other people can learn from your experience... that's what we're about. Please ensure that you send us legitimate pre and post program photos.. we don't want photos taken two years apart!

9. Be organised. While we don't want our life to revolve around food preparation, organisation or consumption for these 28 days, it is important to be organised when it comes to your meals. This means having quality food available when you are hungry. Planning and Tupperware; the keys to success! Finding yourself in a situation where you're hungry with no access to quality food ain't what we're after.

10. Get going! Okay, off you go. Get organised, get your head where it needs to be, plan, prepare, change your body for the better, learn something and tell us about it.

If you have any questions post them on the comments section and I will answer them as quickly as possible.

P.S. It's a few hours later now and I just got back from doing my Saturday radio show.
I interviewed one of Australia's most respected dieticians, Glenn Cardwell and ran the whole instinctive eating concept by him on air ... He's of the opinion that the whole 'listening to our body and eating accordingly' thing, has plenty of merit.
Smart man.

His latest book; Gold Medal Nutrition (edition 4) is a great read and provides lots of quality information with no B.S.
Love that.
Check it out if you get the chance.

You can listen to the interview with Glenn here.

Giddy-up lab rats.

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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Wanna Succeed? .... Get Uncomfortable.

As an Exercise Scientist and Trainer I have spent much of the last twenty-five years helping people change their body. Smaller, bigger, lighter, leaner, more muscle, more flexibility, speed, power... Athletes, non-athletes, kids, mums, dads.....whatever they were after; that's what I did my best to deliver.

Early in my career I discovered that whether or not someone achieved their desired goals had very little to do with what was possible, or their genetic potential, and everything to do with their ability to deal with discomfort.

They say that every decision we make in life is in an effort to avoid pain, or gain pleasure.

We choose to eat the cake because we associate cake with pleasure.
We choose to avoid the dentist because we associate the dentist with pain.
We choose to stay in a bad relationship because we associate more pain with getting out of the relationship than staying in it.

But the reality is :

1) we don't need the cake
2) we do need the dentist and
3) we should get out of that destructive relationship.

If only we would give up the cake, look after our teeth and deal with our relationship (i.e. get uncomfortable) we would discover that the short-term pain/discomfort would make way for a whole new world of possibilities and a whole new level of growth, understanding and achievement.

Some personal-power muscles.

Lesson 1.
Change is usually uncomfortable.

If you want an amazing life and you're all about creating positive change, then learn to deal with, if not embrace, discomfort.

Sorry Dude.
Just how it is.

In the science of strength training we talk about a concept called progressive resistance training or progressive overload.

In simple terms, the theory is this: If you want to get stronger and continue to grow muscle (hypertrophy) you need to continually manipulate the training variables (weight, sets, reps, recovery time, technique, program design) so as to constantly and progressively 'force' your body to adapt to the ever-changing stress (all exercise is a form of stress).

When we talk about changing a body, we're talking about physiological adaptation... and a body will only adapt when it has a reason to. Most people in most gyms train their body in a manner where there is no need for adaptation... that's why they typically look the same, year in, year out.
Or worse.

Rather than following a program or plan which is progressive in nature (causes them to get uncomfortable on a regular basis) they follow a 'maintenance program'... because it's easy and comfortable.
And they love 'comfortable.'

They don't want to maintain, or intend to maintain... but that's all they're doing.
They will continue on their cycle of frustration and zero results until they give their body a reason to adapt or until they throw in the towel altogether.

This adaptation/growth principle of exercise science can be applied to life and to our personal growth.

Lesson 2.
In general, a person's ability to succeed will be largely dependant on their ability to adapt (deal with discomfort and change).

Life, relationships, careers, emotions, business markets, technologies, philosophies, environments are all in a constant state of evolution. This is part of the problem; we are creatures of habit and we like familiarity; we like 'same'.

Lesson 3.
We like the benefits of change, but we don't like the process.
But it's the process, not the results, from where the real benefits come.

Whether it's physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, professional, social or financial growth your after.... be prepared to get uncomfortable on a regular basis and you will dramatically improve your chances of creating your best life.
By the way, the minute you make that uncomfortable decision, or do that uncomfortable thing you've been avoiding, the change process becomes instantly easier and your chances of success go through the roof ... because you got your head and heart (thinking, attitude, standards, emotions) where they need to be.

And you did what you needed to do.

Just like we work against resistance in the gym and we get stronger and grow muscle, those of us who work against resistance outside of the gym (problems, challenges, opposition, criticism, self doubt, insecurity, fear) get stronger and grow a different kind of muscle; emotional muscle, psychological muscle, self-control muscle, personal development muscle and spiritual muscle... and more.

Now go and get uncomfortable... and grow some muscle.

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Monday, December 11, 2006