Overcoming Self-Limiting Beliefs (part 2)

Last week we began to explore the area of self-limiting beliefs with part one of this discussion. In some way, on some level, we all sabotage ourselves by letting our beliefs get in the way of our potential and our possibilities. I should know, I spent years sabotaging myself. For far too long I didn’t need anyone else to criticise me, I did it to myself on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis. I was my biggest critic and I stood between me and success. Sure there were a few external hurdles and challenges but ultimately success or failure always came back to my ability to deal with that self-limiting internal dialogue which somehow seemed to be set on ‘repeat’ in that very loud tape recorder in my head.

What I Wasn’t…

My first significant experience (and triumph) in dealing with self-limiting beliefs came as a fat fourteen year-old. I know many of you have heard the fat Craig story so I won’t bore you with the details again but let’s just say that as an obese teenager I had some pretty firm beliefs about who and what I was. And wasn’t. I wasn’t an athlete. I wasn’t gonna be picked first for any sporting team. I wasn’t significant or cool amongst my peers and I certainly wouldn’t be the object of desire of any teenage girls. Ever.

An Athlete?

For me the internal and the external change came simultaneously. When I started a running program (at 90 kgs/200 lbs) I didn’t for one moment consider that I might end up actually being an athlete. I would have been happy jut being ‘less fat and conspicuous’ and less ’socially repellent’. Even as a not-very-cool teenager I knew that girls weren’t interested in the huge kid who weighed more than their dad. So I set myself small achievable goals; modest fitness and weight-loss targets. I simply focused on doing what I needed to do every day and in the process my thinking and my beliefs started to change. I learned my first two lessons:

Lesson 1. I can change my beliefs (and therefore my reality).

Lesson 2. Most beliefs won’t be changed in five minutes (especially the ones we’ve acquired over a lifetime).

It took me a long time to actually believe differently about myself. Even when I lost 30 kgs (66 lbs) and had a different body (okay, same body but smaller version), I still had to fight that frickin‘ tape recorder between my ears. For me it took about a year to genuinely change those self-limiting beliefs about my body, my appearance, my athletic potential and my social possibilities. Along the way I learned lessons three and four.

Lesson 3. My beliefs weren’t based on facts but rather feelings. Just because I hadn’t done something didn’t mean I couldn’t do it… it just mean I hadn’t done it YET. Just because I had never been an athlete (or felt like an athlete) didn’t mean I couldn’t become one.

Lesson 4. Most people base their expectations (beliefs about what’s possible) for their future on their past. This is part of our downfall. Our history only becomes and indicator of what’s likely (or possible) for our future when we commit to that belief. When we live in that paradigm. In reality, what we’ve done up to this point in time is usually no indicator of what we can or might do in the future. The problem is that we pigeon-hole ourselves and label ourselves into misery, mediocrity and under-achievement.

“I’m the fat one, she’s the athletic one.”
“I could have been an artist but now I’m too old.”
“I’m the plodder, he’s the brains of the family.”
“Yes I can hold a tune but I could never sing in front of people.”
“I’d love to write a book but I’m not a writer.”
“I’d love to run but I’m not a runner.”
“I guess this is how it’s meant to be.”
“If I was younger I would….”

Mr Twelve Bucks an Hour

One day in 1987 my professional life was turned on it’s head. I had been working in gyms for about five years as an instructor, swim teacher, gymnastics coach, centre manager and a few other less-than-glamorous positions when my personal training career happened along. At that time I was also working three nights a week as a bouncer in some of Melbourne’s finest establishments getting punched in the head by drunk blokes for twelve bucks an hour. Oh yes, I surely had arrived. I was the poster boy for success. My five years of work (to that point in time) had taught me that I was worth about twelve dollars per hour. That was one of my beliefs and it had come from my experience.

Lesson 5. Most beliefs are formed unconsciously over an extended period of time and are based on our personal experiences. For most people, it is an incidental occurrence rather than a deliberate or conscious process. My work history had ‘taught’ me what my value in the workplace was. I didn’t ever choose or even question those beliefs, they just developed over time (with no effort from me). When a message gets re-enforced often enough for long enough, it becomes a ‘truth’ in our psyche – quite often, a self-limiting belief.

You want me to what?

On that day all those years ago I was working at the gym when I guy walked in looking for a personal trainer. In those days there were no personal training centres in Australia, there was no personal training qualification or accreditation and (to my knowledge) it was not a service offered by any of the clubs in our area. As a profession, personal training didn’t really exist. I chatted to the guy for a while and he asked me if I was interested in working with him personally three times per week. Saying yes to that question was the easy part but it was his next question which threw me.

“So what will it cost me to do three, one hour sessions per week with you?”

My internal tape recorder clicked into action reminding me that I was ‘worth’ about twelve dollars per hour – just in case I had momentarily forgotten my value. Realising that I could probably charge more that twelve bucks per session (for this service) but not exactly sure how much more, I was conflicted and anxious. I needed to give him an answer quickly. I figured that fifty bucks for the three sessions would give me about seventeen bucks per hour – a huge pay increase – and I would be very happy with that. So I turned to my first ‘client’ and what came out of my mouth was:

“Is a hundred bucks for the three sessions okay?”

Oops!

I honestly didn’t plan to say those words and as they left my lips I already felt regret. I didn’t know if it was stupidity, greed or bravery which that forced figure from my mouth but I said it and I couldn’t take it back. I totally expected him to reject my offer. I knew that I wasn’t worth thirty three dollars per hour. Who was I kidding?

“Sure, can we start tomorrow?”, came the reply.

I was amazed. Shocked even. Who on earth would pay thirty three bucks to do some bench press with me? The ex-fat kid? The part-time bouncer? Twelve dollar boy? No university degree (in those days)? Well, apparently someone would. I was excited, happy and bewildered all at the same time. One of my self-limiting beliefs had just been turned on it’s head.

I will say that while my weekly wage increased significantly over the following months and years, my overwhelming emotion about my income for a long time was guilt. Crazy I know. On some level I still didn’t feel worthy of more money. I was still getting in my own way in terms of earning potential and career development. It probably took me the best part of five years (slow learner I know) to totally overcome my “I’m-not-worthy” issues with money.

Lesson 6. We all have have self-limiting beliefs about who, what and how we are - what we can and can’t do, what we’re good and bad at, what we deserve and don’t deserve (this is tied in to our self-worth), what’s possible for our future, how much money we’re worth per hour, how other people see us, what we look like physically, how valuable our thoughts, ideas and opinions are, how much talent we have, how creative we are… and much more.

Lesson 7. We can all become conscious belief changers. Yep, I discovered that I could consciously work at creating new and more empowering beliefs rather than simply inhabiting those old self-limiting ones and listening to that stupid tape recorder for the rest of my life.

When I lost all that weight as a kid I realised that I had believed things which simply weren’t true. When I realised I could be lean, fit, strong and athletic, I started to wonder what else was possible for me. The idea of exploring my potential and challenging my pre-existing beliefs fascinated and excited me. It’s been a crazy ride ever since.

Lesson 8. We become who we hang out with. I learned that if I hang out with negative, self-centred, destructive, the-world’s-not-fair types… pretty soon I’ll be one. Over the years I have consciously chosen to spend time with people whom I respect, value, care about and admire. People who find the good. People who are down to earth, not down in the mouth. If I spend the majority of my time with positive, encouraging, supportive people, I greatly increase my chances of having a more positive mindset and more empowering beliefs.

Lesson 9. Like my body, my mind needs healthy food. If I feed my body crap, it will get sick. Same goes for my mind. If I feed my brain nothing but cerebral hamburgers and fries, I’ll be on life-support by Friday. Over the years I have consciously worked at changing my thinking and my beliefs by feeding my mind with nourishing food from great teachers, mentors, coaches and role models.

Lesson 10. Do something new. Along the way I discovered that when I do something I’ve never done before (go for a run, give a presentation, write an article, enrol in a course) my self-limiting beliefs get a serious kick in the gut. When I do something for the first time, that tape recorder in my brain starts to malfunction. New doors open and a world of possibilities presents itself. “Well if I can jog, then maybe I could do a fun run? And if I can do a fun run, then perhaps I could even do a triathlon? Perhaps I’m not fat and useless after all? In fact, I know I’m not!” When we do things we’ve never done before something amazing happens between our ears; we start to consider new possibilities, we question pre-existing beliefs and that computer on top of our shoulders gets upgraded to run a better program.

The Last Bit (for now)

Self-limiting beliefs are a normal part of the human experience. They affect all of us. And I mean ALL. I am yet to meet the person who never doubts them self and never battles that internal saboteur. And I have worked with some pretty amazing people. The good news is that when we identify, acknowledge and address those beliefs in a logical, practical, humble and strategic manner we open a door to a new way of ‘being’ and we begin to move from the world of the impossible to the realm of the incredible. And as always, our goal is not perfection but personal growth and improvement.

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