“As a man thinketh in his heart, so shall he be.” Proverbs 23:7
While I’m no theologian or biblical scholar (surprising I know), my interpretation of the above verse is that we create our own reality (good and bad) via our thinking.
That scripture is some pretty cool insight for something written thousands of years ago – a little theology, philosophy and psychology all in one simple sentence.
Feel free to correct me you theological genii (an actual word, not a Craigism… I could have gone with geniuses.. but I chose not to).
From time to time, we’re all stinky thinkers.
We all sabotage our own lives.
You, me… all of us.
It’s called being human.
Normal even.
Without doubt, the toughest part of my job is to help people THINK DIFFERENT(LY) to create different.
Full stop.
It ain’t about carbs, exercise programs, time, genetics, opportunities, talent, potential or luck; it’s about our head.
Always.
Specifically what’s going on inside it.
Once we’ve nailed that, the rest is easy.
Seriously.
The first part is a doozey though.
Unhealthy bodies are (relatively) easy to fix.
Unhealthy minds on the other hand… not so much.
When we start to think different, we choose different, we behave different, we experience different, we create different and ultimately, we are different – not simply ‘acting’ different but genuinely changed from the inside, out.
(Dear English teachers, I know there should have been an ‘ly‘ on the end of most of those ‘differents‘ in the above paragraph – I just did that to annoy you).
Our thinking determines our reality on every level.
Emotionally, psychologically, sociologically, experientially and practically.
My experience tells me that if I can help people think different(ly), then I can help them create a new reality.
A life of new possibilities.
Genuine change.
Amazing change.
Unfortunately, some people seem pretty determined to stay in their misery.
You would be surprised at the number of people who walk through my door, desperately wanting ‘different’ but simultaneously determined to hold on to their destructive, self-limiting thinking.
Quite the achievement.
So I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a while, but even as I type these words I don’t exactly know where I’m going with it. I don’t have all the answers. All I know is that our thinking can be the thing which propels us towards happiness or destroys our life… and that it needs to be spoken about.
We need to consider (and address) the thing which ‘gets us through’ or ‘drags us down’.
For most of us, it is probably the single biggest determinant of what our life, and everything in that life, will be.
And while we all battle that internal saboteur periodically, many of us don’t really seem to have any practical strategy for changing the internal dialogue once and for all.
Getting over our stinking thinking.
As I’ve said many times:
“It’s not about the situation, circumstance or environment, it’s about me in it.”
How we cope, react, choose and communicate in a given situation is the result of our thinking; what it all means to us.
How we see it.
Imagine if we could change the way we think to consistently produce better results in our life.
We can.
But we need to be genuinely committed to the cause.
How we think has a massive impact on (if not, determines):
1) How we communicate (with ourselves and others) – crucial for happiness and harmony.
2) All of our relationships (personal and professional) – kind of important too!
3) Our career – imagine having a passion, rather than… a ‘job’ (sigh).
4) The decisions we make (and don’t make) – not making a decision.. is making a decision!
5) How we deal with challenges and problems – an invaluable skill
6) How we manage stress and deal with our fears – overcoming our fears = growth
7) Our typical day-to-day behaviour – life!
The way we are perceived by others – you might be surprised.
I wish we were all in a room together right now (okay, a very big room) because I would love to lead you all in an interactive team discussion on the subject, maybe we could come to some kind of group consensus on how we might change our thinking. But being as you’re all selfishly sitting at your computers and not here with me, I’ll have to fly solo for the time being.
Again.
Thanks for nuthin‘.
As someone who is something of a change-specialist (for want of a better term), my key responsibility each day is not working around people’s lack of ability or potential (I’ve never met anyone who has even nearly exhausted their potential) but working around their destructive thinking… Specifically their mindset, attitudes, beliefs, standards, fears, expectations and self-imposed limitations.
The way people think fascinates me.
And frustrates me.
Always has.
The way we all create our own reality, despite everyone else’s reality.
The way people with limited potential create extraordinary results because they think extraordinarily.
The way gifted, talented people think themselves into misery, failure and mediocrity, time after time.
And the way people consistently and painfully ‘think’ themselves into doing and achieving nothing.
Forever.
Moving towards a solution….
Okay, so we need to acknowledge that we ain’t gonna change the ‘way we’re wired’ in five minutes but at the same time, we need to start the wheels turning in a practical and productive way. For most of us, dealing with that self-limiting internal dialogue will be an on-going process.
Thankfully, it gets easier.
Show me someone who never struggles with the internal saboteur and I’ll show you my talking pet flying-fish, Kevin.
While some people may be able to ‘will’ themselves into a different mindset, us less gifted folk might need to be a little more practical and methodical about the process.
These five suggestions ain’t gonna ‘fix’ you by tomorrow but they might be a good place to start.
They were for me.
Some getting started suggestions:
1. Consciously change your internal and external dialogue.
Stop trash-talking yourself. No self-limiting language. No it won’t seem normal and yes you will have to force it to start, but the more you do it, the more natural it will become. Consciously choose to be more optimistic in your typical language. As you start to communicate differently, you will start to think differently (and vice-versa).
2. Hang out with different people.
People who are productive (verses destructive) thinkers. People who see the good. People who find a way rather than find an excuse. One of the biggest influences on our thinking is the people we spend time with; those we interact with the most. Hang out with Energy Vampires often enough and you’ll become one. This may mean cutting loose some of the dead wood… so to speak. I don’t have the time, energy or inclination to spend time with the ‘woe-is-me’ brigade.
See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya.
3. Expose yourself to different (new) ideas, philosophies, thinking, cultures, environments.
Sometimes we think the way we do ’cause we don’t know any better or different.
Enrol in a course, get a (decent) life-coach, read different stuff, do some workshops, travel. Consciously commit yourself to life-long learning.
The more we learn, the more doors open, the more we understand and the more we shift our thinking.
4. Do something you’ve never done – despite the fear.
When we challenge ourselves… and actually force ourselves to do something we’ve never done before (run a marathon, jump out of a plane, climb a mountain, write a book, stand up to someone, speak our mind, apologise, right a wrong, do some charity work) then a whole new world of possibilities open up for us. We start to realise how much we’ve put the brakes on our own life and our own development.
5. Spend some time with people who are genuinely disadvantaged.
Hang out with someone who has a terminal illness.
Or someone who lives on less than two dollars a day (like more than half of the world’s population do). A few years back I spent some time in South Africa working with kids who were HIV positive… that’ll change yer mindset.
It did mine.
For many of us this issue is a significant and on-going life-challenge… but if we acknowledge it and address it (step up to the plate) rather than ignore it (put our head in the sand) the rewards and the journey can be incredible.
* Let me know your thoughts… and have some fun rethinking your stinking thinking!
{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
Very inspiring! This will have a high comment rating I am sure. It reminded me of a quote I once read by Phillip Adams:” It seems to me that people have vast potential. Most people can do extraorinary things if the have the confidence or take the risks. Yet most people don’t. They sit in front of the telly and treat life as if it goes on forever.” I will let you explain to our overseas contingent what a ‘telly’ is. It’s a good quote to stick on the fridge.
Hey buddy……
What I find incredible about the stinkin’ thinkin’…. is that when you actually DO change your mindset and the way you talk to yourself…. you find the people around you the most were helping you to stay in that stinkin’ mindset!!!! (”I told you it wouldn’t work!!! etc.etc.etc) And when you do change, they think there’s something wrong with you, or that you’re on a crusade… or have joined some weird-ass cult!!!! It really highlights who you should or shouldn’t hang around with!! The people who help you grow, or the ones that keep you fertilized!!!! (swimming around in shit!!!!)
As with most things, I think it all really boils down to self-love, going internally looking for the answers to all our questions, and choice….We choose how we react to everything, and we choose how we talk to ourselves…. We can see everything that happens to us as something to learn from, or we can beat ourselves up for not being (unattainably) perfect!!!! I think it’s at this point we need to acknowledge just exactly how we DO talk to ourselves, and then decide whether that’s beneficial to our growth as an almost-perfect being. We can then catch ourselves in the act of the ’stinkin thinkin’ and consciously decide we don’t need to ‘do that’ any more.
We are all born perfect, and then the world around us teaches us how we should behave and think!!!! You can remain a sheep all your life, and follow the rest of the pack, or you can become AMAZING!!!… Different!!!… A wise man once said… “If you want to BE amazing, you have to DO amazing!!!” This is no different!! Be kind to yourselves!!! Remember, it’s no-one elses job to love you… It’s your job to love yourself…. For everyone else it’s a choice!!!!
Great post…. good idea…. You have some of those from time to time!!! hehehehe
Be good to you
KK
XXXX
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
A really good article for me craig. Been thinking for the last few days about doing a beginners triathlon. And my danger is that I will just keep on thinking and thinking and thinking and then the date will come and I wont have made a decision. But like you said , I actually “have made a decision” havent I if I dont do anytning. I want to do something that shows how much I have changed my thinking and beliefs about what i am cabable of doing.
I have had so many positive experiences since doing th GYST challenge ( ran 2.8 ks the other day in 20 mins- i was wrapped!) and yet I am still ruled by the fear of trying something REALLY REALLY new- like a beginners triathlon.
Plan of attack.- Talk to pt tomorow who specialises in tri coaching PROPERLY about what i have to do to get ready for a triathlon and choose the right course for me.
Ill keep ya updated!
who else
but elroy.
Craig
Great post. It makes me want to be all i can be ha ha. It makes me want to go out and embrace EVERBODY until i either get arrested or someone beats the crap out of me. Ok i’m gonna say something real negative now and sound like a horrible person but i think that there are some people out there who are just born losers. You can’t help them no matter what. Some people don’t have dreams not because they are afraid but because they don’t care. They just don’t have any desires. These people exist i’ve met them and maybe i am even one of them. Some people just don’t want to be ‘anything’.
Yes i’m a bad person for saying that but do you believe that there will always be people who will never make it no matter what they do, not because like most people, they don’t know their potential or they have low self esteem or they have fat butts etc, but because they are just genetic losers. I’m not talking about people who are born with some physical or mental disability, i know people with serious disabilities and they have achieved more than i ever will. I’m talking about, you know like what happens when cousins breed. I know i sound crazy but i don’t know how else to explain myself. I’m talking about nature here and the weak who are kept alive by medicine and modern living where most of the time you really don’t have to do much to survive. Why would a person feel good about being a loser?
I know i’m being negative and we can’t be negative on Craig’s site right, because there is already plenty of that negative stuff out there. Craig’s place is the happy postive place right? I swear sometimes you sound like you’ve taken a happy pill, it makes me want to rebel. Can’t help it. Apologies if i’ve bummed you out. Yes i will try to rethink my stink ass thoughts.
p.s. Have you ever told a client “Look i can’t help you, piss off?”
Ange-Sydney
Craig, – totally awesome post!
I’ve re-read it slowly 3 times now.
I actually booked to do something completely different about 2 hours before reading this post.
I love the idea of some voluntary work or helping out, – just gotta get organised and do that too now!
Pip
Fabulous Craig, simply fabulous!
I have stopped crying long enough to type my testimony for your incredibly precise post… so here goes… (deep breath)
I can start by saying I am here today because I am changing my thinking…daily
The Old Me- I grew up in extreme poverty, which I hid very well…all of my school friends were quite well off, so I got very good, very early at hiding who I was and pretending to be something I wasn’t. All that mattered to me was how people precieved me… 34 years of judging myself through everyone else’s eyes, not healthy. I defined me as wife, mother, and daughter… that’s all I saw.
In Aug2005, my husband drops a small grenade in my lap and says… I’m not happy… no reasons, no cures, no discussion…no action. I am emotionally wrecked… I am suppose to be the wife… So I go to life’s mirror and say what does he see in me that is making him unhappy… Oh, I see, I’m fat (164 lbs, 5′3″ size 14/16, duh)… So I decide I can fix that for him… not for me…. only for someone else because, let’s face it… I not worth all the work.
Fast Forward Nov2006… I am an adorable size 6… 122 lbs… tone and tight… during this I spent time with me and for me.. I kinda like me, I succeeded, I like it, is this confidence? Getting checked out by very young guys in the gym, fun.. sometimes annoying but fun. Then I step in a mine field… turns out… that unhappy husband has been having a 15 month affair with the girl who sits next to him at work… and I feel failure all over me, in my head I am 164 lbs again, I cry every minute I have alone… I don’t eat… I have no control of my life (huge victim of life here) so I grasp for what I can control… my body… I can’t keep food down, I am taking fat burners to give me energy to maintain my workout regime… mentally and physically I am deteriorating… but I don’t see it because I only see what others see… their perspective, and they don’t know what I am doing. I damn sure don’t tell anyone he has been cheating on me and its no one business what I eat (yeah, they ask, even he does but its none of their business) …. are you starting to see my mental state?
ok, Dec2006, me and a friend are in a dressing room she is trying on a dress and wants my opinion… I find one I like too. We get the big room and share it… I take off my shirt, and I hear her gasp… I turn around slowly… her eyes are full of tears and she asks “what are you doing to yourself?” Through her eyes.. I look, I just slid onto the floor and cried…. I was prescribed anti-depresssants by the Dr and started a regular fortification of chocolate Muscle Milk (good stuff)
After a week….
I dropped the ant-depressants and started being a big girl. I started recognizing my own accomplishments, allowing myself to dream, taking the time to get to know me… I had to change my mind about who I was and what I want (that was foreign).
Today, I am not millionarre, a body builder, or a model… but what I am is a happy, hopeful, energetic person. I am no longer a victim of my own limitations and fears. I have a lot of really good things going on in my life, and I see them all through my own eyes.
I know I will never live a defeated life again. And next time around, if I ever remarry, maybe I’ll be a better wife, I think it will be easier to love someone else now that I love me!
Sorry this comment is “postish” long but you were so right on this one and sometimes your thoughts can destroy more than just your future… they can destroy you too…
Thanks for letting me share.
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Tami
Hi Craig,
Lauren from Traralgon here… this is my first comment. I found your site only recently and am finding it really inspiring. This article was especially relevant to me though. After loosing 20kg last year I came a stand still, I still had 15kg to loose, but it was like something wouldn’t let me go any further. I’ve started seeing a shrink, and I’m working through the issues surrounding my weight, it’s working and I’m starting to realise that I don’t need this layer of protection around me anymore. I’m challenging the part of me that eats something crappy in the morning and then blows the whole day, I’m going to the gym even when I don’t feel like it, and I’m trying to look after myself a bit better every day. But I’m really starting to realise just how much your thought processes affect you when you are trying to loose weight
Hi Michelle.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Maybe we’ll let them research ‘telly’!
Cheers.
Hey KK.
Nice post.
Er, comment!
LOL.
Thanks for your considerable thoughts..
Cheers.
Hey Craig great article!
The weird thing is I’ve been reading through an old ’self help’ book by James Allen titled “As a Man Thinketh”!
Then I open your site and in one page you’ve pretty much summed up Jims’ entire book.
Coincidence, perhaps. Weird and a little bit scary… oh yes.
Keep up the good work.
Cheers,
Gb
Hi Ange.
Genetic losers – there’s a new term.
You are very funny.
Funny or weird – still figuring it out.
Maybe both.
I’m both.
Have I ever told a client to piss off?
Honestly?
Yep.
I can’t help someone who isn’t ready to change..
See ya Ange
Good for you Pip.
Keep me updated.
( )
Tami.
Great story and great lesson for all of us. Thanks for sharing something so personal.
You’ve done great and you will continue to amazing things in your life because now you KNOW..
You get it.
Congrats.
( )
Hi Lauren.
Get your head there… and your body will follow.
Thanks for your debut comment!
Enjoy your day and keep us posted.
the greatest of all victories is to be victorious over yourself …
grasshopper in montana
Man, I’d really like to see your talking pet flying-fish, Kevin. I guess now I’ll have to find someone who never struggles with the internal saboteur.
Oh, look, Craig, a newborn baby! That’s someone that’s never struggled with the internal saboteur, right?
Where’s the talking flying fish?
Hi Craig,
Love your website, and particularly this post. It’s the first time I’ve left a comment too…I’ve only this year learned to do more than just dust the computer!
Now I’m no theologian, just a middle-aged woman who has been on this path of ditching the “stinking thinking” since becoming a Christian quite a few years ago. No “one time will do it” kind of “ditching” but a continual process, and just when I think I’m really getting there some other area will require some more attention. Doh!
Now I know you don’t like people to get all “preachy” on you, but hey, you started this and invited us into your great big cyberspace discussion room! The reason I love so much of what you say is because so much of it is right there in the bible too – it’s full of great psychology. I can’t cope with the old King James version…don’t talk that way…can’t understand it, so I’d like to give you some similar thoughts from a more modern version (New Living Translation).
Here goes… “Don’t copy the behaviour and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think” (Romans 12:2); and “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honourable, and right, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” (Philippians 4:8). Seriously this advice has kept me from falling into the “woe is me” pit many times.
And as for hanging out with the right people… I have a friend who has just had her kidneys removed… yep, you heard right! AND as soon as she got out of hospital she rings me to ask me how I am! No self-pity anywhere in sight in this woman. Now that’s the kind of person who is seriously worth hanging out with!
Keep up the great work Craig!
Anne C
Tami. I take my hat off to you! That might be another ‘Australianism’ (yes a word…quoting someone I read). You have fought a hard road and won! Good on you!!!
Hi Craig,
This was something I had posted only today on another weight loss forum, thought I would share it with you.
I thought I would share a bit of a breakthrough I has with my shrink the other day.
When I reached my first 10 kilos lost I fell off the wagon big time. I couldn’t understand what triggered this . I really wanted to get to that milestone … what was wrong with me.
I jumped back on and went past that ten kilo mark…. No real big change in my life.
Then I was looking (still am ) forward to my 15 kilo blinkie… And boy when I reach goal I am going to feel so good and life will be great etc etc.
Then I came to this analogy … On my honeymoon I went to Disneyland, always wanted to and was soooo excited. When I got there I was so dissapointed I had built it up so much that it was a huge let down. Not that exciting at all , sure it would be for kids I thought, but I had held onto my childhood dream of Disneyland and this could not even come close to what I had imagined it to be.
Just like my weight loss…. Was there a whole new world once I reached this 10kg mark did my life change in any way. No . I was pleased with myself and my heatlh certainly did improve but other than that nothing had changed.
My point is (and I know it took a while to get there) . Even when I reach my goal weight or Disneyland as I like to see it, life will still be what I choose to make it not some made up image of how rosy and wonderful its going to be just beacuse I weigh less. Losing all my weight will just be an added bonus from making the daily changes that will make my life happier by resolving issues that have plagued me and building lasting relationships that will continue to make me happy which my healthy body will be able to enjoy for more years to come.
In other words make a trip to Disneyland every day not just when you reach your goal. You deserve to be happy every day not just when the scales say a particular number.
Good Luck to all those who are trying to reach thier goal, just remember to appreciate you for who you are along the way.
Regards
Simone from Croydon (vic)
Thank Anonymous,
Appreciate your kind words!
Have a great one…
Thank you too Craig!
PS- Simone… try Disney World at Christmas time its magical… Mickey’s night parade, the fireworks, bubbles floating off the Main Street buildings like snow, but you are still in shorts… huge neighborhood of 5 million Christmas lights in MGM and at Epcot, you can celebrate most holiday cultures; the three kings in Mexico, Pere Noel in France, etc… got goose bumps just thinking about… but I always have… I hope you enjoy it more next time….
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Tami
Hello GP.
Very true..
( )
Kel, Kel, Kel.
Way too smart for me.
The ol’ new born baby trick… I shoulda seen that one comin’.
Okay, I’ll send you a video of Kevin my talking flying fish.
Funny man.
Hi Anne.
Well, you did get a little preachy on me… but fortunately, you made sense!!
Thanks for sharing and congrats on your debut comment!!
Peace.
Hi Simone.
Nice story and message.
Thanks for sharing and saying hi!
Enjoy your weekend.
Hi Tam.
Are you sponsored by Disney?
x
Hiya Craig,
You know you are a real gem, put it all in perspective so it is easy to follow. A true gift of yours. You make it so easy to go ….yeah I can do that. Sometimes it is a case of mmmmn I think I do that but now I know I can change it …..way cool!
Cheers Janine
P.S Don’t you go into the gym anymore, Johnnie is looking lonely!
A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts. Only by much searching and mining are gold and diamonds obtained, and man can find every truth connected with his being, if he will dig deep into the mine of his soul. That he is the maker of his character, the molder of his life, and the builder of his destiny, he may unerringly prove, if he will watch, control, and alter his thoughts, tracing their effects upon himself, upon others and upon his life and circumstances, linking cause and effect by patient practice and investigation. And utilizing his every experience, even the most trivial, everyday occurrence, as a means of obtaining that knowledge of himself which is understanding, wisdom, power. In this direction is the law of absolute that “He that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” For only by patience, practice, and ceaseless importunity can a man enter the door of the temple of knowledge.
Hey Craig,
Thanks for the reminder of where my head should be!
I forgot some of the finer points in achieving ‘different’.
I have printed this post out (you are not going to sic your legal eagles on me for this, are you??) for future reference as I am sure I will need to refer to it from time to time!!!
Have a good one….
Skater Boy!
PS: Enjoyed the Baldman’s post the other day!
When there’s a will, there’s a way!
you blew me away again! “we ‘think’ ourselves” into misery- what a great way to put it. we have to change our beliefs, use our heads and potential. why do people want so badly to be disadvantaged? it’s great to connect with ya craig, and everyone here to know at least SOMEONE other than me is living!
whewww!
Madelyn (the writer)