Most of us live in a culture and society which is totally obsessed with perfection.
An obsession which invariably leads to pain.
Emotional, psychological, physical, social and financial pain.
The perfection obsession is rampant.
It’s unhealthy.
It’s unrealistic.
And it’s potentially very dangerous.
I have personally seen it lead to anxiety, depression, social dysfunction, eating disorders, emotional problems, unrealistic expectations, ruined relationships, massive financial debt, destructive habits and unfortunately, the occasional suicide.
We (we, the society) want it all.
Badly.
Perfect bodies.
Perfect teeth.
Perfect careers.
Perfect academic scores.
Perfect relationships.
Perfect children.
Perfect lives.
And in order to have (the appearance of) perfection, we (we, the society) will do almost anything.
We obsess about labels and brands.
We mutilate our healthy bodies with elective surgery and make rich surgeons richer.
We preen, pluck, suck and tuck ourselves within an inch of our lives (literally sometimes).
We starve ourselves.
We self-diagnose and self-medicate.
We lie to ourselves and others.
We spend our lives acting out our perfect marriage, career, existence.
If only we could all see the beauty of our flaws. The beauty of normal.
I love my life, my relationships, my career, my body and my existence on the big blue ball despite my big nose… my slightly chubby tummy…my fifty-seven bad habits, my numerous issues… and my atrocious singing voice.
I’m happy in my imperfection.
When we live in a paradigm that says “I will be happy when XYZ is perfect“, then we are destined for a life of misery.
When we learn to be happy with (rejoice in, even) our imperfect selves, our imperfect lives, our imperfect relationships and our imperfect bodies, then we’re on the road the real personal growth.
Aiming for better is admirable, possibly even noble… but striving for perfection is stupid.
The moment we stop chasing perfection and start aiming for enlightenment (self-awareness, self-realisation, a different way of thinking and being) is the moment we start to move towards genuine happiness.
Where we sit on the (world famous) Craig Harper Happiness Continuum (made that term up but I like it… you can use it!) is inversely proportional to our desire for perfection.
That is, the less we are… all about perfection, the happier we will be.
So… the take home message you crazy kids?
(1) Perfection is a myth.
(2) It’s perfectly normal to be imperfect.
(3) Stop trying to be some perfect, weird-ass version of you… and be you.
I know professional personal development writers aren’t meant to use terms like weird-ass, so… I’d like to apologise for my inappropriate, imperfect communication style.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
I love the fact that I can read your blog entry dated 22nd May the day before it was published! (I am based in Scotland.)
I so love this post. I am sending a link to a good friend right now. She is on the path of learning to celebrate her “imperfections” ( quirks, individuality, uniqueness..) – but has a way to go.
I am concerned by the current trend here of aspiring to have the looks ( and the lifestyle) of someone else and the discontentment – is that a word? I get hung up on less than perfect spelling too
– that has to go with that!
Hi Jackie,
thanks for visiting.
Yeh; sometimes I put my posts up a few hours early… don’t tell anyone.
Discontentment… of course it’s a word.
Now.
Don’t be a stranger Jackie.
We have a holiday today in Canada, Victoria Day so I am enjoying my time away from work. Part of that enjoyment is, as all-ways (right, it is fine to make up our own vocabulary)reading your blog. Brilliant post. Hope you’ll continue “continuuming on” BTW, we have something else in common, Craig; I can’t carry a tune in a bucket either.
amen to that
Hi Christine,
yeh, I’ll continue making up my own Craigisms.
Sometimes I just can’t find the appropriate term, so I create one.
All words / terms have to start somewhere, so maybe I can breath life into a few here!
Hope you enjoy/ed your day off Christine.
( )
Hi Jen,
Thanks.
Hi Craig,
I don’t know if you have ever seen the movie “The Stepford Wives” with Nicole Kidman? It’s a fantastic black comedy which does a great job to illustrate your point. The town of Stepford is content and “perfect” but they miss the point as everyone seems to be missing their very souls.
BTW I really enjoy the frank and direct way you express yourself … it’s refreshing. Terrific too to hear an Aussie voice in the blogging crowd.
Cheers! Julie.
Hi Julie.
My blunt, in-ya-face communication style ain’t embraced by everyone.. but at least you and I like it!
I think too many people write what they think people want to read, rather than writing what they actually believe / think / feel.
Pity.
Cheers.
hey craig I think I can sing, shame no-one else does! my laugh is too loud, i’m too politically incorrect and i say things out loud that everyone else is thinking.
only 57 bad habits? ah c’mon!
take care gorgeous man
Julie hobart tas
Hi Julie.
Yeh, only 57.
I’m much better since the treatment.
( )
hi
there is this page i found which tracks all the top blogs about personal development in just a single page
http://www.netreputation.co.uk/directory/Personal%20Development
you are on it too
Christine from Canada here, Craig
Yes, I did enjoy my day off; thank you very much. It’s amazing how a little R & R can re-juvenate the mind, body and soul. BTW, I think I may have just found a new nickname for you. Here in Quebec, aka French Canada, there is a man on the radio who has a carpentry business and his business has a commercial jingle that goes “Monsieur Renov (as in renovate), monsieur Renov, monsieur Renov)in the man’s own gravelly voice — actually the jingle can really get on your nerves, not like you ever, Craig
Hope you carry on resucitating new
words. Light some fires, Craig, I mean monsieur Renov.
My favorite comment on perfection is this quote “Perfection is the belief that life is broken.”
As I work to be less of a pefectionist, I need to remember that life, and myself, are not broken.
I’ve never known what it’s like to accept me for who and what and why I am.
Surviving an abusive childhood, the scars of which lingered into my 20s and 30s inspite of my best efforts to free myself from the pain, fear, anger and despair, I am now in my early 40s and dislike ME quite intensely.
According to anyone around me, I am never “good enough” and often (very often) on the receiving end of harsh criticism about the Me that others don’t like. Or if they don’t voice it, then their sudden absence from my life makes it clear that most people don’t like me.
I can only say “most” because I have obviously not met every one of the 6billion+ inhabitants on earth, but I doubt it would matter now… after almost 30 years of being beaten down by the criticism of others, after 10 yrs of counselling, after walking Hot Coals, after attending seminars, reading books, meditating, writing, crying, and all sorts of other steps to find something good in myself, these days I just wake up knowing deep down that I am worthless, a failure and that how I came to be in this damned-awful space is beyond me after all the efforts I’ve taken to gain a sense of goodness about myself.
I am not overly materialistic – and all my life I have never been caught up in trying to fit in (because I knew I was somehow different, and had few peers).
I am deeply in debt and have very few options for winning over and regaining my financial foothold…
So, accepting my imperfections… interesting… I know I am not perfect, bloody long way from it, yet society has extremely unrealistic expectations of me and is it any wonder I fail to meet them?